We Booed a Comedian 🫣 Officially Unofficially #31

RATE 5* IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY! <3 

Ben Bankas uploaded the most CRINGE standup comedy clip you will EVER see, and we LOVED it (not how he wanted to be fair). 

We also chat feng shui, infinite broth and each our deepest and darkest states of mind. 

Leave a comment, we check them all. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Like you're smiling. Why'd you have a rise smile? Because what is special about this here pound coin? Is that the one that you pit in my ass? Yes, but apart from that, what is special about it? It's not like an old style pound coin where it's like gold or brass, whatever the fuck that is. No, this is fake as fuck. This is like Yeah, I'd say it's about 76% fake. You know, as in like uh cut gold. It's not it's nothing about the coin itself. What could be special about it? What's special about that coin? Yeah, I'll give you a point. You don't have to look at it, so you can just imagine. What could be special about a pound coin? Uh did you find it in a pocket? Oh, not in a pocket. So we've done that one before with the infinite five pound note. Um whereas this one was found. I'll send you the picture now. It was found by my dog.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

My dog found this pound coin for me. Let me send you the picture, because as soon as he sniffed to it, I then saw this shiny thing and I thought, oh my god, what I'm saying. You mugged Mother Nature.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Me and my dog mugged Mother Nature. So there was a there was a tent on the side of the road, and there was a man asleep uh with a small pot, and you saw just a rogue pound coin sitting in the pot. Yeah, exactly. And I thought, wow, that is what are the odds? What is that? What are the odds of this man having money that I now want and will have? There you go. I just sent you that. There's him sniffing, is the uh first picture, and then after, there it was. Sniffing with the in the green, our sniffing, it was having an arse sniff, and it was there, this pound here. So now I've got an infinite pound coin, mate. So what are you thinking you want to purchase with that pound coin? I don't know, because the thing is, like this pound, if I spend another pound, if I if I use my card for a pound, do I think it's a good one?

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Exactly, yeah, true. When you earn as much as we do from podcasting, make sure you sub everybody. Um is it the same? What am I trying to say? If you earn if you earn 100 quid when you're 15 and you never go to zero, so you're always you're always sort of going up, going down, going up, going down, right? Do you still have any of that hundred pounds?

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Or is it the subsequent£100 that you spend is that hundred pounds that's gone? It's like, have you seen the um uh the forever broth? Yeah, well, you add to it, and you add like, you know, we add a bit of a fucking chicken foot, and then you could take some out, but it holds them in. The next day, but they keep the broth. Like saying, same broth boil off, whack a load of other stuff. Nice. They yeah, it's in like China or something, and it's been going for like 60 years, and then you just have like a little bit of broth, and then you could then be having a drop of broth from the 60s, or you can have one from two days ago. We need like a physicist to tell us what are the odds of having any broth in your spoonful. So they'd have to figure out the odds of one molecule being in your spoon. Is that what you'd take to would it be would it just be an atom from the initial broth? I'd say an atom. If for the convers for the purpose of this conversation, yes. An atom. So that you'd have to work out the spoon-to-broth ratio of any one spoonage, and you'd have to work out the accumulative broth to broth ratio of total brothery. Yeah. And then if you work out those two things, you then, I don't know, fucking multiply them by each other or divide them by each other. Well, that's why we need a physicist, because we can do the like we can do the top level work, we can figure that a bit out, as as proven by you very, very well. But then we'll just need to have somebody else do the fine work, the tinkering as as it were. Yeah, I'm I'm the I' look look, I've done the bulk of it, okay?

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Yeah, I'm the ideas guy.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

I've come to you with an idea, and I say, look, we I've figured out how to work out the the broth to atom ratio. Yeah. Solving for X. God. I mean maybe. I don't know if like you've still got when you spend that money. Yeah, am I still spending part of my first ever paycheck? I wonder. I don't know. When I used to work at a pub when I was underage and they still let me work at a pub and pull pints.

SPEAKER_02 3:58

They were wankers as well, weren't they? They called you a dickhead and stuff. Yeah. Is this is this um is this philosophy?

SPEAKER_01 4:08

Are we being philosophical debate masturbators? I think we're just I think we're too stupid to come to a conclusion. But then is that just philosophy? Honestly, I think that is so stupid you can't possibly come to the conclusion, but then you're you've got such a loose grasp on the concept you're trying to describe that it sounds deep. Find me some philosophical questions. Let's see if we can go over a few of them. In general. Some ponders, yeah. Some of the famous ponders from from all time. Maybe some modern ones and your classics. You know, I think they're 4AM is a classic. But I've Googled. And then now it's like, you know, if you earn 100 quid when you're three, does it still count when you're 80 or whatever the fuck we said earlier? Uh I've surged famous ponders from philosophers. Okay, okay. Are they all modern or are they all like Aristotle and that? Don't know, mate. Brain in a vat. Is it an infinite vat? That's number one. Uh brain in a vat. Give me brain in a vat, okay. If a mad scientist put your brain in a jar and stimulated it with electrical impulses, everything you experience would feel entirely real. How can you prove you aren't just a brain in a vat? Well, my first question is who the fuck cares? Well, then you asked me to give you some policies. No, I'm not saying the fucking car isn't it? Then your first response is then who the fuck cares? No, what's the point in me googling these things? Agreed, agreed. Sorry. Okay. No, that's that's fair. I wasn't who the fuck cares in you. I wasn't saying, oh stop, you search this. Who fucking cares?

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Who asked? It was like come on.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

No, it's like it's like a first off, if it turned out I was a brain in a bowl, who cares?

SPEAKER_01 5:42

I wouldn't be I would I be bothered? I'd be bothered. Because I think I'd be a bit annoyed. Because I think I've done quite well. Yeah, I'd be annoyed, but then if someone asked me to explain why, I wouldn't really have a tangible thing. Apart from just like vibe. Are they asking like the brain? Are they tapping going, sorry, out of character? Yeah, I think they like they unplug the like matrix plug and they go, hello brain, you're just a brain in a vat. I think my brain would go, I think my brain would be really upset, like at the situation. Which I think is fair. But what was that about doing well? So do you think, oh man, I'm on like level 50 of life, and all that was a waste of time? I don't even think what I think it's a waste of time. I think because am I interacting? The main thing is, am I interacting with a different brain? Are you a different brain or are you just part of my brain? When you leave the room, do you despawn? Because you don't know that I don't despawn. Are you Truman? Are you saying? No, way more, way dip way deeper. Like when I when when we leave this Discord call, right? Yes. Then do I you have no idea if I despawn or not? Fucking wish. I could you don't, you bloody pester me.

SPEAKER_03 6:55

Like Yeah, true.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Essentially I do despawn. Basically, fair enough. Um, like you don't know that I continue to exist. No, that's a fair point. Okay, now that's another philosophical question question. Yeah, that's a way of-just like is everything behind me unrendered? Well, I can I can I can promise you that when I'm not around you, I exist. But you would say that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Look at me in the eyes, mate. Look me in the eyes, look at me. Yeah, I'm looking. Look at me, I'm gonna say this. I mean this. Yeah, I'm looking. When you're not there, I still exist.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Wink.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Right, there you go. Well, that I think the wink is what does me in there. I I don't I don't trust that. Really? Because I winked. Well, because you would say that though.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

I know, but would I think that am I lying, or do I think it?

SPEAKER_01 7:43

No, I think you think it. I think it's sort of like severance, where all you know is you go up in the lift and then immediately down again. I blink and it's been 55 four hours, but it doesn't matter because I'm here now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. If anybody hasn't seen Severance, you have to. You just fundamentally need to watch Severance. Oh, I'm an audio listener. I can't watch things, I can only listen to Severance. Fuck yourself. Fuck off, man. Fuck off, audio. Fuck off. And welcome to officially unofficially this podcast on the bloody blooming internet.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Good jingle, huh?

SPEAKER_02 8:20

It's a very good jingle. Yeah, we're going uh we're kicking it old school today with uh the officially unofficially. We've done a lot of themed episodes, we've done a lot of episodes with guests.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Yep, yep, yep. Oh, because she was a woman. No, Johnny was a woman, is what I was getting at. Johnny and Geordie's, both Scottish, both did a room 101 episode. Both Joes. And both Joes. Oh my god, both Skojo's. They are both Scojo's, don't think. How was that a little bit? Yeah, they were they were tremendous. A quick quick word on uh Geordis in particular, because Johnny, you know, he he came on, he gave us his hour, very generous, but uh with Geordie's we'd spent all day, we can't say yet what we were doing, but recording a thing later than that now. Yes. Yes. It was it was outside, long hours, 12 hours, we were off, standing about, and then you know, credit to her, she still about half past ten is when we had time. Talk ten, we started recording. Which and then we were off. Genuine legend. We're in the hotel lobby at like half seven the next morning. She was very, very good. That was the first of a podcast. So if you guys enjoyed that, if you are Geordie's listeners, you are very lucky. She is fantastic, uh, member of I guess General Talent. Talent person, whatever. She's a content creator. I guess so, yeah, an influencer. Yeah, does she use that word? Do you use that word? I don't like the word influencer. I've been described as an influencer by my friends to other new people. And then I actively say, no, I'm not. I'm not, because I hate I don't like that. I don't like influencer. To be fair, I beneath me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I I did like it, but now you've said that, I think I agree. Oh no, I've influenced. Shit! Shit, maybe I am. But I don't I don't but I don't like the term influencer. I do like the term talent, and I know that you don't like the term talent. I have fought against that word for for years. I'll tell you why I fought against that word actually. Because I'm not my hate. One because I'm not, because I'm just the sort of like I'm the sort of normal brother of all the talented people. The likable normal brother, the everyman, if you will, the Martin Freeman of himself. He's a baddie, isn't he? In real life? Yeah, I think so. Is Martin Freeman? Baddy is in like Yeah. I didn't love that. Is Martin Freeman a baddie? Is that the wording he used? Oh, oh, who is seemingly a uh nice celeb what seemingly nice celebrity is a huge jerk IRL from eight years ago. Martin Freeman? Control F. Freeman. Martin.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

I'd have searched for Martin.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Uh there might be multiple Martins, but there won't be many Freemans.

SPEAKER_02 10:54

Morgan.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

True. Uh apparently Martin Freeman, despite playing playing nice guys and hobbits, is kind of a jerk. Hobbit. He didn't portray more than one. I didn't nice people could play hobbits. Very specifically played one hobbit. The titular the he was the he was the hobbit. Yeah, it wasn't brackets one of close brackets the hobbits. No bit of brackets. There were many hobbits. There were any hits in Hobbiton. Um, but he was the. Um he makes little to no effort with co-workers and almost never got the role of Watson because he was being such a grumpy git after getting a wallet stolen. He was taking out on everyone and being really aloof. Who the fuck worded this? This is wrong. This has three upvotes on oh no, by default, there's one upvote. This has two upvotes on Reddit eight years ago. Was that post written by Mr. S. Holmes in 1856? He's being ever so aloof. Mr. B. Cumberbatch. Um they said, to be honest, it was mostly what I picked up from Friends in the TV film industry as I live near Pinewood. It could be he's nice enough to the public, but with co-workers he's kind of grumpy. I personally met Kiefer Sutherland, a lovely guy, and Angelina Jolie, vile and stuck up. But I've always thought of Martin Freeman as a really pleasant person until friends who worked with said otherwise. Goodness gracious. Now I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna fly the flag for your James Corden's out there, for your celebrities that everyone goes, oh, they're such a bell end. Because maybe they are, and maybe James Corden is, right? But I'm sure there are lots of celebrities that are perfectly fine. 98% of the time. Like any of them, like you are, like like I am, like, you know, my mum is, like everybody is, right? Yep. But they have one bad day.

SPEAKER_02 12:42

And they someone smiles at them and they go, or they pretend not to notice person number 15 of the day that wants an autograph, whatever, right? And sure it's a privilege to have anyone want your autograph. Sometimes you just want to fucking go home if you're Benedict on the batch.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

You just want to fucking walk and get back to the hotel and then eat a load of what's it?

SPEAKER_02 12:57

Next day in the sun.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Witty sort of sun headline, you know, pun headline, you know. His love is so free, man. Benedict. I was gonna go with Benedict Pricker Batch. Dickheader. You were gonna go with Dickhead.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

Dickhead.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

So there's more.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

What is it in total? Benedict Benedict Dickhead. Better dickhead. Batch.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

He's being a batch and a dickhead. Better. Bellendic Cumberbatch? There you go, that one. That's what I was thinking.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Belendicch?

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Yeah. Both go you see that in the sun. You there in your what sits. He is like, he is wrist deep in what sits. Oh. He's like not in a woman. Or a man nowadays. Or a man, very true, very true. Both women in public though. And then he sees like he opens like various newspapers.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

He sees the Daily Times is going Bellend Dick Cumberbatch. The Guardian. The son has gone Beledict Cumberbitch. And then the the Guardian says Benedict Cumberbatch seen being unlikable and aloof.

SPEAKER_01 14:04

Very aloof intense. Every now and then, yeah, like if we're asked for stuff, because it's still very rare for us at events and whatever. We are very well known in an extremely small community. So you only really get recognized in that community and very rarely outside of that community. We're sort of B plus tier in one very specific niche. Yeah, I think that's very fair. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I'm saying? Because like an A tier and S is like a Zen or uh like a Vitira. This is for Rocket League available on the Epic School now, free to play. God, it's an amazing game. It's physics-based, so it's like imagine football, but you control Messi's boot. That's what you're doing with your car. Thrilling. As if you want Alison Becker's glove. In the saves. In the same way, exactly. Um, yes, okay, so Martin Freer might be a bad guy. Um Has anyone ever told you you've got a Google face? What does that what does that mean? Every time you Google something, you sort of you sort of do this. You sort of like you always look up, you always look up there, and you sort of go.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

Do I really? You go, Coverbatch is 28 years old as of 1980.

SPEAKER_01 15:14

So it's I just did it again. It's because I've got a vertical monitor to my left and also my window's there. It's really bright. So when I look this way, it's like bouncing off the windowsill, which is white, into my eyes, so I have to squint and then I have to look up at the search bar. So I'll see a bit of this. I like to think that you're isn't it you just you so you look the other direction on your phone, try it. Get your phone out and Google something, but look the other way. So look this way now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I've got my monitor now. I can look at the thing with that monitor.

SPEAKER_02 15:40

Okay, let's see if it does the Google face.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

No, that's fine.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

But then Google something? You're aware you did it.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Did what?

SPEAKER_02 15:50

You did the face?

SPEAKER_01 15:52

No. And your audio listeners, it makes me look really, really handsome. And you should go first. That's true. That's true. I um did you see that thing going around on social media? Did you see that comedian what was cruel to a woman? Cru Oh. No. Because you said to me you've got a comedian like performance thing. Yeah. And I think I think I saw so all I know is the title. So I saw Triggered Girl at comedy show dot dot dot. I assumed it was gonna be some, you know, religious you can't joke about that in America. Is that not what it is? Give it a watch. Okay. He tweeted this out, I think, trying to get people on his side. And it was merely titled Triggered Girl at comedy show. Now I must admit, if I saw that title and it was like, you know, with 6,000 likes or whatever, I'd imagine sort of like, you know, religious zealot or somebody who doesn't get a joke. So you can't joke about that? Go on. Give it a look. Is that the triggered girl? Oh, that is a trigger girl.

SPEAKER_04 17:00

I thought that would happen quicker, to be honest, when I looked at you in the beginning. What do you think? This is your moment to speak. What should happen now if this was yours? You're good? This is not okay. This is not okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

What did he say?

SPEAKER_04 17:18

You have kids?

SPEAKER_01 17:21

She's giving him nothing. I love that she's giving him nothing. This is Mexican stare off. She's just like, if he pulls on her face, like, oh, that was a bad time for that guy to walk in front. She's giving him nothing. And he's just like, You triggered, you're triggered. And she's just like, oh my god, what are you doing? Desperate for her to say something about being triggered. He wants the clip. But basically, right now, he is he's hunting for the clip. He really wants to have this like the the the crash out clip for social media. Does Ben Bancas bancas? Ben Bancas. Opens the sun the next day, bends a wankers. Nice, very good. Uh and he really wants to have people uh on his side when he then ends up tweeting this out when there's a load of people being uh on I guess against him. Uh there's a there's a there's a distinct lack of context as well. We don't know what he said to quote unquote trigger her. I have seen the video that quote triggered her. Okay, quote, and yeah, she from what I remember, she like didn't say anything. I think she just went like or something. She just didn't laugh at all. She just didn't laugh. And then he's in too deep. He's then trying to like zero in and be like, oh you're triggered. But okay, sorry, carry on, carry on. It gets so bad, by the way. Because this is just cringe and awkward right now.

SPEAKER_04 18:46

This is wrong.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 18:48

This should be this should be illegal.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

So we still so this is where I'd then move on if I was him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:58

What does that mean? And that's why we need the 51st state folks and need some freedom of speech to make sure this creature doesn't get it.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Oh Parliament. She's giving you nothing.

SPEAKER_04 19:10

Still just this look of power, she would take away your right side. What did you say? Nobody can say that.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

He likes the voice. So she's never said you can't say.

SPEAKER_04 19:27

She might actually. She kind of looks like she works at RBC. So she might be around.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

I don't know what RBC is.

SPEAKER_04 19:32

I love that your friend here is like just trying not to laugh.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

For any audio listeners, can you describe the friend's face that is trying not to laugh?

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Yeah, so and I would say trying not to laugh is really difficult.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Trying not to laugh is really difficult. Yeah. It's a tough thing. If she is actively trying not to laugh, she is like one eyebrow up, it's a bit like the DreamWorks face. You know, the little squirrel in DreamWorks that goes, it's a bit like that, except instead of like a sort of a charming cartoonish arrogance, it's a genuine human disdain. It is disdain. She's like, What are you saying? You know when I saw this being really weird in public and he's like, What are you doing? Why why is this what you're choosing to do? Why are we a minute and a half into you berating my friend and calling her a creature because she didn't laugh at your joke? Yeah, he's but he's projecting an awful lot, isn't he? His old whatever his name is. Should have dropped this. Like ages ago. And yeah, by the way, continues to get worse. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 20:34

That's how much she likes you as a friend, because this is pretty funny, to be honest. Like this is pretty entertaining. But you're upset and she's like, I can't laugh because I want you to have she wants you to have a good night. And I think you will have a good night. You got a see-through shirt on, tits out.

SPEAKER_03 20:50

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:54

Go to Games Street. You'll be, you know, you'll end up on the 80th floor of some building with a bunch of Arab dudes and nothing.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

What's Anabo? I don't know. Think she looks like a prostitute?

SPEAKER_04 21:06

Alright. Really have. Thank you, Toronto USA.

SPEAKER_01 21:09

You're uh Okay, so I imagine we're in Canada. Oh, here we go.

unknown 21:14

He was making racist jokes. He's not from Canada. Try and different jobs.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Is that not just the weirdest piece of quote crowd work that you've ever seen? He wants a reaction out of her so bad as she's giving him nothing, Lamal. Fucking amazing. Like, she gives him nothing at any point. I'm gonna like some of these. Oh you pod is gonna like some of these, follow us on Twitter, everybody. Uh you spent 90 seconds spiraling on stage over a woman who did not say a single word to you. You're already triggered, Snowflake. And then he he basically then says, You don't like a prostitute because you've got uh this see-through top on, which she also didn't have a see-through top on. No, exactly, that's the thing. And then implied well no implied said, You're then going to Get you're gonna sleep with a load of Arab men on the 80th floor of a building because you're a prostitute, because you didn't laugh at one of my jokes that from what the friend said was racist and weird, just weird comedy. Yeah, no, that's weird. That is a that's a weird vibe. That's a weird vibe. Like, I don't know, he he was he was taking himself in a spiral. Yeah. And she she was remarkably consistent. So good. She was just like, what the fuck is going on? That they played wonderful straight men there. Yeah. Like their their sort of just let him spiral game. It's like, you know, that's the um, you know, never interrupt your enemy when your enemy is making a mistake. Sunzu would be happy. That's if they argued back, he has then, even if he hasn't, he has won, right? He wants all he wants is the reaction. Giving him nothing made him flounder, made him waste two minutes of his set, and then you can just end up leaving, and then also become a hero on the internet after he tweets out saying how much she was triggered. Like it's the the fact the fact that he tweeted that out. Uh that some of the responses are so funny. Uh, she's trying to figure out how many months along you are, I think. That's great.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

That is very I assume I assume this is different than your than your usual crowd work, which is just eating them.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Bro, you got owned by a facial expression, then you posted it. These are all excellent. Oh, you likes a plenty. Good. Okay. Well done. Very fair, very well earned. Like it's so confusing that uh having being at a comedy show that ultimately they have paid for, because like a hundred he has like 160,000 followers, like he's a big comedian by all accounts. The fact that he's then not dropped it when evidently he's ended up saying uh like, okay, the joke didn't land, you're triggered, ha ha ha. Anyone think it's gonna be illegal or whatever for me to say that? Move on. Don't because don't do the racist Arab bit. No, yeah, exactly. I mean, there's a time and a place for the racist Arab bit. That wasn't it. There was no sort of, you know, I don't know. And there's obviously not a time and a place for the racist Arab bit. It's like, I just um uh yeah, I don't know where that where that was. Uh I've got something to share with you. Okay. Which I forgot about, actually. I said I didn't earlier. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

But I saw this, I wondered if we could we could figure this out together.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

So this is This is this is choose your layout, which apparently is a psychological test.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

So we've got a simple psychological test. Which room do you prefer?

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Okay, so here's layout one. So it's like a so it's a uh CG looking uh room with like a desk, a chair, a laptop, uh, and a double bed in it. Uh it's like a sort of a very fat L-shaped room, and it's I assume you're gonna be showing two layouts between the two. Yeah, where do you think in the where do you reckon the second layout might be looking at this? What do you reckon? I imagine does the bed go in the nook? My vibe is in the bed moves into the nook. Uh is the window behind the desk, I think it might be. Here is layout two. Okay, okay. So layout one uh shows the desk, like an L-shaped desk. A nice L-shaped desk. Uh, very nice. I like the look of that. I like the nook desk.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

That is excellent AI craftsmanship, yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Um it is a uh it's a good vibe in that corner. I think that that must be a window, right? That's not art. Are we calling that a window? Yeah, let's imagine that's a blind down on a window. So every time you Google something. Yeah, I can do one of them. Um yeah, I like that. Okay, I like this layout. I like that you walk uh in the room. You can then put your shoes off in the corner.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

Layout one does have a bit of a wasted, you know, that because that's a nook, right? So we'll call this the cranny. Layout one does have a bit of a wasted cranny.

SPEAKER_01 25:58

But there's a cupboard. But you'd stand there to get your clothes out of the cupboard. Oh, I see. But what about when all your clothes are sort of down here and all the sort of uh Doritos packets? Oh. Uh that's a good point. Sort of piled up to here. So then you can see it. When you open the window and push all the Doritos packets out in the window. Yeah, true, as Mother Nature expected. Yeah. Okay, so that's what what would you rate layout one out of ten? Layout one's nice. I fuck with layout one. Um I enjoy it. Uh I like that it's almost got like a little work area and then a nice little clothes area. It's in halves, isn't it? Yeah, I think. Layout two, the bed has now moved into the nook. Uh tight bed. The bed fills the nook dead on, much as the desk did uh prior. Uh the desk is now where the bed used to be. And there's a bit more. Uh there's I guess there's not more walking room, but it sort of feels like there's more walking room around the desk. There's a bigger square of space, yeah, of empty uh floor space. I guess technically it's the exact same though, right? Yes, technically it is, but in the feeling of it, there's there's more that can be used. It's a bit more spacious, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

The the cranny has been removed because we now have a big gap in here. Yeah. What I would say is that the desk. So with layout one, the desk has a nice sort of end point, at least on one side, right? So you can push something all the way against it. Whereas with layout two, the desk has no end point on EVNs.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

So things are gonna fall. Things are gonna things are gonna start being like, oh, I think I've room for that. Oh no, well. And also, maybe you've completely lost the ability for a side table. The side table is now, quite frankly, hilariously at the foot of the bed. No, layout two. Look at it. Yeah, yeah, that's yeah, so what the one that was there is now there, yeah. Yeah, that's doing nothing. What is that? The side table is the only thing that hasn't moved. Yeah, fair point. The problem with that is like, yeah, if you've got if you've got your water in bed, where are you gonna put it? You'll have to if you're on if you're on this side, or if you're on the left side of the bed, which is the one against the wall for audio listeners, you've got nowhere to put your water. Yeah. If you're on the our right side, so I guess your left side. Well, I guess you'd have to you'd have to lean for halfway forward, reach around the wall corner, and then put your bottle or your glass down there. Which is then also where you're gonna be getting out of bed. God, yeah, situation. Um, two is quite quite considerably worse, I think, in essentially every way. I think that with layout one, you've got a really nice view out of the window, you've got um uh the nice little nook works out well. The vibe of it's a lot nicer. You've still got the view from the window from bed if you want to sit up or something. You've then not got the direct breeze on you, but if you want it to be cooler, you can then open up um uh the window a little bit. I think two, uh sorry, one rather, is quite considerably better than layout two. Yeah, I also went for layout one, I agree, but what do you think? Let us know in the comments. What are the comments on the tweet? So someone said layout one, no screen reflection, screen privacy. Well, who the fuck else is in there?

SPEAKER_02 28:59

Oh, okay, screen.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Okay, let's look, let's let's give Clilliar Cosmo his dues, okay? So, no screen reflection, right. So the screen the the light from the window isn't going on the screen. Fair enough. You've also got blinds, so whatever. True, and they look like pretty powerful blinds. Yeah. Screen privacy, so if someone walks in, they won't see uh the you know I don't think that's at all an issue in this either situation. They won't see your weird American stand-up comedy that we just saw. Um ability to get out of bed without having to crawl out first. Yeah, true, yeah, yeah. You don't need to crawl well, you sort of have to soft crawl. The the the second person in layout one will need to crawl in at the end of the bed. That's a that's an inevitability. But they need to also crawl in for layout two, whereas person one doesn't need to uh crawl in for either, and is much nicer on layout one. Wait, which one did you go for? You went for layout one. Okay, phew. For a second I thought, wait a minute, have we got confused here somewhere? So yeah, layout two is awful. That's fine. Layout two bad. But someone, but Ivy says that two, for privacy, I guess the privacy of your head in bed. Maybe. It looks comfy. It looks comfy. It does look cozy in bed. If it was just the bed, I'd go for layout two, uh, which is the one that's squeezed by the wall again for our audio friends. I don't forget if anyone on Spotify, you can watch.

SPEAKER_02 30:17

You can just give a little cheeky click on this bit to see what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

Um someone said layout two looks nice as hell. But I'd cry every time I need to change the bed sheets. Yeah, that's awkward, yeah. Like trying to get down the nooks of the bed. God would be would be very tough. Yeah. I I think I'm team layout one. I want to know what the people think. A lot of twos are winning. How are they? I don't see how two is better than this. It look it looks I think the problem with two as well is that layout one is like a nice round layout. There's like a flower. There is a flow. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas layout two is very end-to-end. You know, it's very you go from this point to that point to that point to that point to that point. It's very sort of pointed. Layout one basically gives you a little hallway. Like lay layout one, you've got like a nice little hallway in the middle, it's a separator, but then layout two, it's sort of a lot more communal. It really is, but a lot of it hinges on the fact that there is a side table at the foot of the bed. Very weird. That's horrendous. Leaning forward past your corner wall to put down the glass of water is unforgivable. So it's got to be layout one. It has to be. Even if you forget everything else, it has to be layout one. I'm also a man that has my bed currently up against um my window. I've got my I've got the head of my bed next to my window. Part of that is so that the cat is able to um uh climb on the bed and then get on the windowsill nice and easily. That's nice. Yep. Yeah. Um and then also we basically we feng shuied the room when I moved here um and removed the um uh moved like a a a uh wardrobe around and everything. And basically. Yeah, yeah, I've we've fully just changed the entire thing. Well, when you say feng shui, do you mean just like made it nice, or do you mean you actually follow the principles of the woke shit? Oh I'd be well up for hearing you explain that, you know, this mirror is this way to deflect boogeyman or whatever. Most it was because I was bringing a much larger bed with me. I was bringing a king-size bed, and it would have been much more awkward to fit it in the old way. It's sort of like a rectangle room uh with the window at like the short end, um, and we moved the bed to the window end, right, and then it then fits two side tables next to it perfectly to essentially inukify the bed, right? Okay, um via the medium of side table as opposed to via the medium of wall. Yeah, and then the other one was like there was a lot more, basically, then the bed was then halfway down along side of wall opposite the door, so you had a lot more room on either side, but then the foot of the bed was really narrow, like there wasn't much room to like walk through there. So we moved it. Do you know that when someone explains something to me that's visual in their mind, I nod and I'm not really taking it in. I think I described it quite well. So I'm not sure if you can see if people are thinking, What the fuck are you on about?

SPEAKER_02 33:07

I just I just I struggle, I really struggle to translate. So then I was going, I was, you know, I was masking. Credit to me, you'd never have known, but you know, we're we're we're doing this, so I thought I'd be honest. But I'm just going, Oh, really? Oh wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

It's like it's like it's the equivalent of like, you know, when you're playing a board game and they go, right, so you have to roll the dice, and then your yellow piece moves onto the blue block, but not the blue block if the other person's got a black, um, a black piece of plastic. If that happens, then you're gonna have to roll two. It's it's crazy then this crazy thing happens because then the paper uh descends, and if the paper descends, as long as you don't have the three tokens, then you get to roll twice for deception. And then the way you win is that you have to fold the board game in, and everyone has to have three dots.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

But if you don't have the three dots, you can still rely on the fourth if the third person around the table who was born on a Thursday is able to say cow bonga dudes before their face gets slapped by the imaginary grok creature.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Could we just like do a round? And then I'll learn on the job. Yeah, exactly. I normally learn on the job with a board game. I feel like even if I don't get it and someone tells me you do this and you do this, I've now got the physical experience of then doing the thing. Exactly. So it's like So when someone's explaining to me how their room looks, oh I change this to that, I'm going, mm-hmm, and I'm thinking, I'll wait to the picture. It's not that I don't care, but I just I can't translate.

SPEAKER_02 34:28

No. I could with reading, because I'm so reading-based, I'm so wording-based as opposed to communication-based, that that to me is a lot more simple.

SPEAKER_01 34:36

Like reading a transcript is way easier than hearing someone explain it. So you so when you watch a film, do you are you subtitler? We do now, yeah. Wow. Yeah, we subtitle everything now. I can't not read them. And then I'm missing everything that's going off on the screen. That's the thing. Yeah, I know, but now the sound's so bad on everything. You know, Luke, I am is all you hear nowadays.

SPEAKER_02 35:04

It's terrible. It's awful.

SPEAKER_01 35:06

Did you ever see um there was a show on Netflix, it was like House of Guinness or whatever? It was it was about the watch. Guinness, Guinness. Guinness, if it got an E. No, you okay, Guinness. Big Guinness. Big Guinness, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pasties, border bread. I'll have Guinness to Pasty's. But yeah, in that, they've got like so they've they've got um, I can't remember what they're called, the Irish band, the Marmosets, the Gillamots, whatever the fuck they're called. The Irish band. Have a No no no, don't Google. Just just because it's in there. I'm gonna Google it. Oh no no, I'm gonna Google it. Because you've given two wildly different words. You've given the marmoset and then the Gillinghams or something. The Gillamots. I think they're both bands, but I don't think it's either of those. Um but the sort of the go-to grungy, slightly aggressive, pop punk Irish band, of which you'll know one of their songs, everyone will know one of their songs. Um, I know okay, I know them. Yes, okay, I know. Give me a clue. Give me a clue, see if I can get it. It's a word, and then it is two letters. Fontaine's FC or DC or whatever it is. Fontaine's football club. Is that called Fontaine's DC? See, look, you've got it in you. I believe in you more than you believe in you when it comes to recalling things. I knew it would be in there. But your clue was great. And now this is weird to me.

SPEAKER_02 36:29

Why did it a word followed by two letters? How did that give that to me?

SPEAKER_01 36:34

Maybe because then then you can get rid of every you can get rid of the fucking wombats and the marmofets and the and everything else. There's no letters after it. You're then thinking of force with FC. No, football club. Strike that one. I'm fucking Achanator. Yeah, exactly. Is there two letters following your bad name? There's also uh kneecap were the ones that got uh like banned from the UK or like banned from a uh festival at one point. They they were saying like death to the Israeli defence force and stuff like that, like rather a lot. Uh alleged support of a groups like Hezbollah and Hamas, which the band denied. Yeah, they weren't in support of Hamas, that's just very derivative. Oh, it's Canada. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they were banned from Canada. Oh. Which is cool. Oh, cool.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

So yeah, so that there's lots of like basically there's lots of like punky spunky Irish music in it, which is cool.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

By Fontaine's Football Club, yeah. And by Elbow One Day Let's be here. Uh but and as well as that, there was also like a marching band often, like the sound of did they play their fiddle? Um, probably as well. Yeah, and then a marching band. Uh, she said, give me a fucking Guinness, man. I'm thirsty.

SPEAKER_02 38:00

Guinness every time. Yes, Guinness every time. Um basically, you couldn't hear the fucking show. You honestly they were talking like that. And you hear them saying, Really, we have to take over the factory because I've always father will be there.

SPEAKER_01 38:14

I hated it. Couldn't watch it. Oh, did you have to stop watching because of that? I did. Funnily enough, Linnea, who's like fucking, you know, oh my god, there's a fly four rooms away. I can't concentrate on my jigsaw puzzle anymore. You know what she's fucking like. Yeah, and she's jigsaw in your in the house of Guinness.

unknown 38:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:29

Say I don't get it. What's going on? I'm so confused. She could watch it. Wow. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:35

It didn't, you know, her, it didn't short circuit her like that.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

Maybe it was at like the right frequency. It was at like it was the exact amount of things that she can focus on. Maybe. So it's like people with ADHD, you know, they they drink coffee and and Red Bull, and instead of being wired, instead of being wired, they're like, ah. Mmm, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's that's Adderall, right? Adderall does that. It's like it's a stimulant. And then uh that then does the opposite, yeah, for ADHD brains. Do you think you've got any mental uh afflictions? Um that's my hook. Do you think you've got any mental afflictions? Let us know in the comments below. It will count as a diagnosis. Yeah. Uh I think I'm very particular about some stuff, but I would be remissally wise or I don't think so. I think I care about things more than some people do, but then everyone cares about some stuff more than others. Yeah, yeah. You know? If anything, my emotions are uh capped in every direction, for better or for worse, at probably 65%. Stunted.

SPEAKER_02 39:38

No, because no, I thought we were having a proper conversation and you've used a mean word. Stunted is a stunted.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

I didn't say there's an edge to that. Okay, also you've got a list, that's another one.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

There's an edge to that.

SPEAKER_01 39:50

I'm grokking this. Is stunted a harsh word? Okay, what did he say? Read it verbatim. Oh, I don't want to. Going on with what he said, what's he said? Yes. Is that really all he said? Yes, stunter can be a harsh word depending on the context. I did say can. Yeah. The softer alternative when talking about people, words like delayed, underdeveloped, or immature. I I feel like they hurt more. They're way worse. They are way worse. It's like I've always thought the most powerful word in the English language. Don't say it. That I'm at liberty to say. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 40:29

No, no, like for all the swear words and stuff, um, all the words are real words rather than just, you know, saying a slur or whatever. Yeah, the ratio. But the what the word that hurts the most, really means the most, is pathetic.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

A pathetic's bad. Oh, you're pathetic. Oh my god. Am I? Yeah. It's like we said it before as well. Like being called a jerk. Like, I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry. I'm horrible. I didn't mean to be a jerk. But if someone calls me a prick, I'm like, oh, whatever. Yeah, exactly. You know, you're a real jerk. Oh my I'm so sorry. I obviously. Is it the Americanness of it? I think because it's so rare to hear in the UK that if someone's pulled that out, it's like you are so annoying. If someone call me annoying, that can also be funny. It's someone's like you were a jerk. There's nothing good about being a jerk. No, that's true. I'll I'll bank that one. Yeah. I'll use that one when when you're really being a jerk. Real pathetic jerk. When you're being a pathetic jerk. Horrible. Um, yeah, so so you think that you're you're you're maybe slightly mentally afflicted, but not to the point of diagnosis. I think my emotions aren't as strong as they are in others in any way, but I still feel them in my own way. It's what I would probably, you know, I had to have done to my head. You then spec into like one thing, and you're like, holy fucking shit, this is everything. This is this is all I'm thinking about. And then I think at that point, your emotions can get to like 90 odd percent or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 41:54

That's the thing. So for me, it's probably like um you know the loudness war in music where they brought everything down to 60%, but everything's at 60, so then you can turn it up.

SPEAKER_01 42:03

Imagine if every now and then one symbol got up to 90. Yeah, true, yeah, that is it, yeah. It's like a nice Fontaine's FC song, and then all of a sudden, clang! You're like, oh, is that the only thing I can think about feelings, hate, and then that then becomes all encompassing.

SPEAKER_02 42:21

Yeah, I think that's that's that's fair. That would be the thing that like I don't think I've got any of the tisms or anything like that. I think I may be like, if anything, you know the uh horseshoe theory where you go to the other side and it's sort of the same. I would have say I'm so unautistic.

SPEAKER_01 42:37

That you then develop traits of autism.

SPEAKER_02 42:39

Yeah, that's what I'd probably give myself.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

Does that does that sound about right? I don't know. Because I think in a lot of ways you're very normal, and then I think in a lot of other ways you are very not. But is that just a human psyche? That might just be people. That might just be normal. When people when people speak and work with each other for as long and regularly as we do and have 11 years. Oh Christ.

unknown 43:04

Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

A third of our life, by the way, we've been business partners. Slightly more than a third of my life. No. I think is the good way of saying it. Yeah, slightly more than a third of my life. Okay, so yeah.

unknown 43:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:14

Yeah. I thought I accidentally insulted myself, I accidentally complimented my friends. Yeah, I had it the wrong way then. Um I don't So yeah, I'm horseshoeed. What about you? I tell you what, I know that my red flag is. Like my my uh toxic trait. Yeah, I guess toxic trait, yeah, because red flag's more relationship. Um, but I am really this is so fucking classic autism, right? I am so bad with routine change.

unknown 43:41

Really?

SPEAKER_01 43:42

Really? I'm really bad with routine change or routine delay when I know what I need to be doing next. Oh, you do you you're brutal with that. If you say to people, right, I'm ordering an Uber at five o'clock, don't be late, or we're all going without you. It's five past one. You'll just get in the one minute sorry, one minute past five, you'll just get in that car. Because I've given you I've I've given you the line. And it's up to you to live to that line. If someone then says though, I'm in the lift on the way down, yes, that's fine. I will then be like, you know what, you're on your way. But if someone goes, I'm just getting out of the shower, you can fucking call your own one then. Like we're not waiting. And I think it's insane of you to think that I will wait. You're like a gr I I do respect that you've got that line and you And it's fair. It's fair for all. Yeah, of course. To a fault. I will be extremely punctual. I am very, very bad. As I know that you have experience from me when we're like doing something, and you are understandably late, when also, and I know for a fact in my head, if it's not that important, I'm still so annoyed. If we've just said, oh, we're gonna go out for dinner at around six, I'm like, I will be there at five to six. And if you are not there at six.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

Oh, around six isn't six.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

I know, again, to a fault, as I said. Fair enough. A lot of the time I don't think I'm the good guy, but I'm very good in the moment of knowing I'm not the good guy. And I'll say this to Anna as well. We're like, say, um, uh, like one of our friends in particular, bless her, she's she's got ADHD, she's very bad with timing. She knows she's bad with timing, and she will also not like she's good at not making it like our problem, which I do respect. She knows it's her downfall. Um, and she will very much say, uh, you know, say we we're planning on leaving at six or something, like we're gonna get rid of the pub to watch the football or whatever. She'll say 10 to 6, I'm just getting in the shower. Go with go without me. And I really appreciate that. Because if I'm just like, good, good, I will go without you. And thank you for letting me know. That's great. Yeah, fair. That's two opposites working well together of I know you want to go, and I know I can't be there right now. This is like the magnet. The magnets turn to each other, yeah, repelling. Exactly. So the magnets, I feel like magnets respect their repellments. I I can respect that to an extent of um thank you for letting me know. But if someone is bad with time and then never accepts that they are the one being late or bad at that, that really frustrates me. And I think that like what then also frustrates me about myself is when I know that something isn't important, like that didn't think. Say there's something on for six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're gonna leave at about six-ish. If people had said we're gonna leave between six and quarter past six, fucking A. That's completely fine. That's also good. As soon as it hits quarter past six, I we need to fucking go. Because I have it in my head that we are doing that. If a plan changes, like if I if I'm if if a flight is delayed. Is it pain? What's the feeling? Is it anger? Is it frustration, helplessness? Uh yes, all of them. And gay. Is it gay? Is it gay? I think I feel gay in that moment. Does it mean you're gay? Yeah, it's bum pain. I feel really like I think I just it's that weird like anxiety, frustration. I feel anger for sure. Really? But again, in the moment, and I can verbalise this, and I do frequently with Anna, I say, Am I being the bad guy right now? And she goes, Yeah, it's not that important. Like it's a good question to have. What I what I would say then is where it can be helpful is that where we were recently, uh, it was put in the WhatsApp, you meet at the lobby at about 8 a.m. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:11

I know yeah, between eight and five past eight, I think was was the word. Seven night, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:14

And uh because I I'm I I think I'm normally quite good at being on time, but every now and then I'll be like, oh shit, I thought I had time for a shower, and it's got away from me a little bit. But I knew that if I'd got there at seven minutes past eight, I'd have sort of my own my own Uber. I didn't want to do that. So I made sure I was there in that time. You know what I mean? I I I succumbed to your whim.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

I followed your flag, and it was good because we got there on time and you very kindly sorted out the Uber and away we went.

SPEAKER_01 47:39

I think a lot of the time I am uh I am self-aware enough to know when I'm being the bad guy. To know when I am especially in this in this regard, at least, not all the time, obviously, because that's a superpower if you know all the times you're being a bad guy. Because one can't possibly. Would you like to know the number of how many times you've been the bad guy in the past and been convinced you aren't? Nah, I think I'm good without my.

SPEAKER_02 48:03

Because I've been keeping track.

SPEAKER_01 48:04

What the fuck? That's nothing. That's insane. But then also, it's really weird, as brains are, there's so many times, as I'm sure most people will know of me, in streaming, in you know, content, whatever it is, where I am incredibly loosey goosey. And I will rather be loosey goosey. And I like that. I like not having that plan. But if there is a plan, you fucking bet on sticking to it. You fucking know.

SPEAKER_02 48:29

Once again, you and I completely slot into each other and fill each other's tendrils where the other one doesn't land.

SPEAKER_01 48:35

Because when it comes to like, if there were two coals, we would probably plan these podcasts. We go, right, we'll fill into that and then we'll fill it up.

SPEAKER_02 48:42

We'd make it seem natural, that'd be part of the fun. You know, all that could get to that, oh my god, maybe if you do that thing at the end second, that'd be part of the function. And then we both we'd both go, oh my god, suddenly it all flows together. And that is brilliant. And then we keep a close, we'd we'd tactically keep a close eye on the time, be like, oh, we're 14 minutes in. This is about the time we need someone to say bubblegum. And we go, oh, speaking of bubblegum. Do you know what I mean? Like, whereas for you, I think you'd rather literally not have a clue.

SPEAKER_01 49:06

Is it is it is it the challenge of it? Is it the the No, because I don't find it hard. I don't find because I know that we've said after this recording, this is a nice loose episode, which is great. So that makes that up to once. After a loose recording, you've said that was tiring. I found that one tough. I find that tricky. At no point in any recording that has been loosey hello cat. At no point in any loosey goosey recording have I ever thought that was a toughie. My natural state is just nothing. Yeah. Not not the not the absence of thought, but the structure the flowing together of things of my eight neurons. My eight neurons just flowing together and just so happen to work. Sometimes they won't. But that matters. My brain is like a game of Simon. I guess so, yeah. Eight of them are communicating in fantastical ways. They're slowly just making sense together. And I think that's so beautiful about that. But then also you like planning a lot more. Then also sometimes I fucking like planning a lot, and then you're like, ah no, I don't want to. I'm like, I don't get why you now don't want to, and I do. That makes no sense to me.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

Again, this is because we work together all the time for hours and hours a day. So there will be times where inconsistencies reveal themselves, you know. Yeah. Uh Linnea Bless her, she remembers opinions that I had, and maybe it's the same with Anna with you. She remembers opinions I had four years ago, eight years ago. So I'll be like, Oh, I had Lasagna last night, I really liked her. And she went, Really? Because I remember you said to me on me at that restaurant, you don't like lasagna, you said it was too crunchy, so that the second layer makes you confused and sticks to your tongue.

SPEAKER_01 50:38

Like, wow. Did I? That's good. She's like, Yeah. No, every yeah, every now and then.

SPEAKER_02 50:44

Very impressive. Very impressive that she remembers that.

SPEAKER_01 50:46

Every now and then, on the similar vein, if like me and Anna are going out to eat somewhere, I'm like, um, oh, what did I get last time we were here? And she goes, Oh, you had like the like uh the steak bento box. And I say, Did I like it? And then she'll go, Yeah, you did. And I was like, I'll get it again then. Brilliant.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

That sounds good to me. That's that's the that's the different way, the you know, it's it's a classic thing. I don't know if we talked about this on the podcast. It's it's by no means a unique concept I'm coming up here. Where blokes, when they see each other, you know, your stag do. I don't know the first pissing thing about any of your shitmates. I don't know when their kids are being born, I don't know how their babies are doing, I don't know if their ingrown toenails being sorted. Yeah. I don't know if their nan's dead. Yeah. No, yours is. Both. A little drawing. Yeah. I've got to have a go at your nan after you had to go at mine in the last one. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:33

Last episode, that was a lot.

SPEAKER_02 51:35

Your dead nan. Um what was I saying? Oh yeah, but then women be like, oh my god, I need to know about your pregnancy. Full catch-up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

A full catch-up. I want to download you. I don't I don't want to, nor do I need to. How is your stool stumpy? Let's discuss. Um, oh, I had a curry through a hose pipe morning. Good. Good chat, good catching up with you. Wow, that's crazy. I know that now. Yeah, that's good. That doesn't mean anything. It's so weird though that that is like what mostly happens, like between men and women. You know, less less we dive into jokes for blokes' territory. But as such a divide of such a universal experience where there's so many blokes. Again, my stag dude had you know 18 men, and I've known almost 12 of them, whatever it was. My like I I say at home, but like my you know, school friends, yeah. Like 20 years. I remember Anna, like when she met them for the first time, saying, Oh, what does he do? I've got no fucking idea. One of them, I said he works in a school and he worked at a bank, and he's never gone to school in his life. I was like, I just assumed that he did. I've got no idea. He's got a pair of glasses, he looks like a history teacher. Yeah, it might be. I don't know. He's got he's got he's got elbow patches. Exactly. We just call him patches. Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he's in the band elbow. Yeah, but it must be, logically speaking. Elbow's had a double dip in this episode. Good for them. Yeah, well done, Elbow. That is so funny. That's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 53:02

And it like it is helpful though to have the partner that can that can tell you. You know what I mean? It's like you go into someone's house and it's like, okay, so I'm going to Stumpy's house. Or is he the one that's getting divorced? And then it'll be like, no, he's getting married August 3nd. You're you're you're his best man, Cole. You know what she'll call me. You're his best man, she'll say.

SPEAKER_01 53:23

That's not groomsman. You're one of three. Yeah, exactly. Sort of by your soon. Day before. But obviously not. That's the kind of thing. Again, this is like where That panics you. We've yeah, absolutely it does. But I brought it up to you today as a show of good faith, but it's still on my mind. Yes, which I do appreciate. Uh it's in the old palace. The um uh amount of things that we've gone to, and this is one where I don't know which side of it you would fall on, where uh a wedding, you spend a lot of money on it. You spend a given amount of money, but normally it's you know an amount. Uh in one's own or go into as a guest? Uh sorry, as one's own, planning a wedding, planning my wedding. I have spent a good chunk of money on this wedding, right? So I naturally want it to be to my slash our tastes, and I want to have input on the things. I want to have said, oh, you know, we looked at eight options or five or three options or five, whatever it is, and I believe that we came to the best conclusion for us. The amount of things that I've been to, like our main one was the like the wedding decorator, the venue dresser, the people who put like the um uh you know, the colour fabric on back of chairs, and like they'll dress like the table that you're then signing your marriage certificate on, all that kind of stuff, all the little bits and mobs. We went there, and I was acting they had like a mock table, and I was like, right, can we grab that, put that on there, see how that looks? How does that flower look in there? Shit. At least now I know. Take that out. That looked awful, and like we were doing all that and we were mixing things up, and Alan was getting involved because I'm I'm a lot louder than she is, and so like I was sort of like reading her body language, she didn't quite like it, and I'm so she's like going, she's like going, I I don't actually like that relationship.

SPEAKER_02 55:02

No, we're fine, we'll go.

SPEAKER_01 55:03

That's good, love. It's alright. So I then uh chatted to then the guy who was uh doing all the venue dressing, and he said, Very rarely is it the groom that cares about how it looks, and I I find that utterly baffling. Really? Like, I'm I'm spending the money, of course I want it to look as good as it can, within the budget that we have, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 55:29

So my f my first thing is that's a weird thing for him to say.

SPEAKER_01 55:32

I wouldn't have said it if I was him. I wouldn't have pointed out any weirdness with you as my customer.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

He didn't mean it as like a I wouldn't have even I wouldn't even touch on that territory. I'm there to get I don't even want to put that in anyone's personally. I don't know, it's odd to say it, like, no matter how he says it, in my opinion. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 55:48

Secondly You know Would you not care that much? Um there'd be some things that Linnea would say to me, like, do you prefer the green or the blue? And I'd be like, uh I guess green, but if you prefer blue, let's definitely do that one. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 56:05

Because my level of care I I care to the extent that I want it to be good, and I would want her to be happy, but not to the extent that I'm thinking, oh my god, they fucking said they'd be green. There's blue, there's blue plants.

SPEAKER_01 56:18

I it wouldn't bother me, wouldn't phase me one bit. But I guess that's that's like two things, right? Because one of them is my happiness comes from making sure that you are pleased with what is done on the day, and then there is essentially not caring. Because the first one is still caring. It's just not necessarily you're not worrying about the details, but the overall vibe, is she happy with it? Great. And I'm gonna get involved, and it'll be like a discussion. You talk about the merits of them, even if you're thinking in your head, I don't really fucking care, but you're still going through the discussion, and then eventually you kind of land on she's like, Oh, I think the green is, you know, edging it for me. You then go, Yeah, you know what, for me as well, that sounds great. Like that's still part of the game. I I think the thing is, it's it's it's always going to be uh all my decisions we made sort of about the other person. Do you know what I mean? If I was marrying myself, I would have a village hall with nice glasses, balloon glasses, that's what I care about. None of those tool glasses. Yeah, yeah. Um, that's one thing. And it would be a bring your own bag of Doritos and dip, and I'd have a great self-wedding. Would you not care about the food of it all and uh bring your own or the takeaway? I think that's there's that good fish and decent there's an alright fish and chits.

SPEAKER_02 57:27

Don't get the battered sausage. So that's that's what you know. That's what Nana can get. That's what Nan can get. But Nan's happy.

SPEAKER_01 57:37

You know, grandad's got his chicken tika masala. The thing is, neither is correct. That's the thing. I think yours is probably more correct. I think it's more correct, but like yours is probably more correct. That's why I'm autistic. Yeah, that's fair. Um but I don't think either is like this is absolutely the thing to do. Because there's also expectations in a wedding that I have realized that I have got no intention of like sticking to the tradition. I don't fucking care about tradition. I never have. I think that anything that I do, and obviously part of this is also gonna be I don't think it's tradition, but actually it's been at every it's been at every wedding, and so therefore, in my head it's just something that I like, but it came from a traditional root, right? Yeah, okay. But I guess that like a lot of the time I'm just thinking, what is it that we want to do? What do I want? What does she want? If we disagree, and we we've handled it a lot like how we do business decisions. If one person is apathetic towards something and the other person really wants it, cool, the person that really wants it wins. Great, that sounds good.

SPEAKER_02 58:38

And thankfully, for for you and me, and hopefully for you and her, the the the there very rarely is a thing where both parties are I can't think of 11 years in from you and me where we've both been convinced one or the other. We've had ones where we both feel strongly, and then eventually the other one goes, you know what, if you feel that strongly, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:57

Then they come over. There's nothing where I've said no stumpy. We are doing we have to do it, and you've got no coal. We have to do it like this.

SPEAKER_02 59:03

I can't think of anything. I can't think of anything.

SPEAKER_01 59:05

I don't think we have.

SPEAKER_02 59:07

No.

SPEAKER_01 59:07

I think I'd like that. That'd be fun. That'd be a fun bridge to cross. It will. Uh I think that there is yeah, there's a lot kind of um uh that that I've learned during this whole process. And as we get closer to it as well, it is getting it's getting real.

SPEAKER_02 59:22

Six months away now. Nope. It's really real.

SPEAKER_01 59:24

No. Two and a half. Very, very close. Two and a half months away. Have you booked your accommodation? No. Have you really not? No. Two and a half months away, bro. Shocked. No.

SPEAKER_02 59:39

Who the fuck do you think I am? No, no, booked accommodation. I've said to you before, my brain works in weeks. For for your wedding, I'll push it to month. For weddings, I'll push it to like a month. Unless it has to be, you know, locked in. Does it have to be locked in? Does it need to be locked in? Does it need to be locked in yet, does it? Yeah. Oh, okay. Alright, I'll sort that out. That'll get Q jump. No, because that'll get Q jump. My brain does work in the phone.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:05

That gets played next, not add to Q. Yeah. Exactly, exactly, exactly that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:08

It's like the other day when um we were out of that thing we recorded, and then someone said, Oh, when is the RLCS, the event that we cuss for Epic in Rocket League, the physics-based game? I said, Oh, I think it's like a week after.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:19

And he went, No, it's as soon as we get back on the Monday. We're leaving like four days later.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:24

Yeah, but it hadn't ticked into next week yet for me. So I was still on this week. Next week, I'll figure out. I'd sorted things out like the dog and stuff, because again, this has got me in trouble for with the dog's a specific one. Where in my because this is what I'm shit at. I'm shit, I'm very good at uh, you know, this is the problem.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:43

Fix this. Yeah. I'm your man. I will chip away at it, I'll think it through. If I need a night off, I'll know all that. If it's oh, this is there, but don't forget about this, which is next week, and then in three months you need to sort that out, but you need to book that ahead for that long, medium long-term planning. I hate, I'm shit at.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:00

You know? So that's where I that's where I fall down. So if if basically if we had an issue where let's say one of your uh best men, one of your three best men No, one best man and two groomies had had to sort out his uh suit late for whatever reason, I'd be a man. I'd be a man I'd be a guy, I'd figure it out. And if I have to get a different one, that's fine, who cares? Doesn't matter. I'll wear this, it's a nice shirt.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:32

No, I came to you and I said, look, I need somehow done out. It's a show of like, I know it's a long way in advance, but now it's now it's not. Really though, no, no, I don't think two and a half months. Two and a half months? Are they fucking tailoring it out of spider silk? I don't think that's that far in advance. I think that that is a very reasonable amount of time to get a suit sorted for. But we mean a specific suit. That's a reasonable amount of time to get a suit lost in the attic for. You'd somehow lose it, you think? If anyone can, mate. If anyone can, if anyone can if I come to you the night before, like, mate, do you have any more of those suits? Any more of them suits, pal? There's a joke that I used to always love. When we were a lot uh more green and rarely travelled abroad. Every time we'd be like the morning of going away, if we'd been away together once, twice ore, and I'd always say, like, oh by the way where do I put my passport on the way? Is there like a shop that I can go to? I genuinely didn't know if you were joking. I genuinely couldn't tell if you were joking or not. Because also, we should say, we've like, well, we've not aired it yet, but you did miss a flight. Yeah, I did. I did. You did miss a flight. It was a stupid flight. I was a lesson learned. It was a stupid flight. It was a stupid flight, but it was a lesson learned. Um I s because it was an 8.55am flight to then have a six-hour layover. You then had to drive two hours to get to the airport as well. So I had to get up at like 4 a.m.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:56

and I wasn't getting to somewhere in France, which takes about two hours to get to, yeah, till half past six. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:03

Um but I you know, I I had to do what I had to do. So then I got up, but I went to bed, I set my Alexa for a 4am alarm. Interesting. Instead of my phone. Would you normally set your Alexa for an alarm? Yes, in your 7ams, but not in your 4 a.m. Interesting, okay. So maybe maybe Alexa works when it's like when there's some sun and you're half awake anyway.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:25

Because I woke up at 6 a.m. and I thought, oh, what a lovely day. Shit.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:29

Did you have when so when that happened, I would have had an immediate pit of dread?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:34

No, I knew that it was easy enough to get there. I was so that's the thing. If there's a if there's an immediate thing to fix, I'll figure it out. And if I can't go, I can't go. Do you know what I mean? Like that on the always.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:44

Would that really have would it have c if say for whatever reason, obviously it wasn't thankful, but if it was forever reason that was the flight and you had and you had missed it and you couldn't go, would it literally have been water off a duck's back? Would it have been like that's a bit annoying? Ah well. I think you I mean in a perfect world you'd say yes, because what else are you going to do? True, very true. I mean there's no point sitting down, punching yourself in the nose and rocking back and forth. That doesn't mean obviously I don't have that in me, but I think on that day for that thing, I was also very confident that there would be another plane.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:15

Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's still 6 a.m. or whatever, yeah. It's 6 a.m.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:19

I need to get to a part of France by tomorrow. Like, that's doable. If it was like a trip to Saudi Arabia for like an eSports World Cup or whatever, and it's like you've missed this one, let's say we're going somewhere remote, the next one's in a week, you've missed that flight. That would I'd be annoyed, I'd be angry at myself, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:36

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:37

I mean, I guess that's ultimately the ideal. The ideal is to be like, okay, how do we fix it? Which we have before, you know, we've done that before between us. We've already had that when when the fucking channel got deleted. Yeah, exactly. So I'm just like, what are we gonna do? Let's fix it then. Yeah. It's such a good vice. Or you're just like, fuck it, let's go. Yeah, exactly. I've had a bad day, no one can judge me. Getting some Doritos and chocolate. I don't understand why people do like cigarettes and heroin. It's maybe as I have a bit of chockey chocolate's so good. There's been an entire Easter egg broken up in a bowl in the fridge for about two weeks at this point. The name's got one in the fridge as well that's a bit crushed in. It's outrageous. I open every time I open it, I see half an Easter egg. I'm like, how the fuck does he have an Easter egg? Easter was like Easter was almost a stumpy goblin's wedding ago. Yeah, true. God, yeah, it's a while ago now. Yeah, no, I almost four months. I also only just broke into the egg like two weeks ago. I then had one shard of egg and then put it in the egg. A shard! You can't communicate in shards when it comes to chocolate. I had a shard of egg. Hashtag bars, not shards. I had one shard of egg and then moved on. You're embarrassed. You're embarrassed about that though, right? Come on, before we go, you could you could look at the camera and say, look, I'm embarrassed, I only had one shard of egg. And yeah. Thanks, everybody. Is that in France, by the way, shard of egg? Very good. It's actually in London, the shard. Ah, damn it. Um, thanks everybody for watching uh and listening to officially. Unofficially. Best podcast on the internet. We're going to be away next week. So when you hear this, we will be in Paris for the Paris Major for Rocket League and the same store now. So controlling Donna Ruma's right arm. Um any other words of happiness? Cool call from you?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:16

Um no, we we forgot to tell people to like and sub and comment. So if you've made it this far, literally what the fuck. If you're not sub, that's insane. Even if you're on a TV, um, click the sub button. It's really awkward and maggy, but it does us a favor.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:28

Click the your like middle button, go like left two times to click on the middle.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:32

I'm concentrating so much to visualize. Because this is what I was talking about earlier. Okay, I struggle. Okay, go on, sorry. Click your middle button.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:36

Click the middle button, press left two times to get to the picture, because it goes description first, then it goes picture. Click that, press down once, that and then it says subscribe, click on that.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:45

He's a fucking pro. This kid cannot be stopped. If you are subbed already, I guess fuck off.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:49

Horrible ending, but good podcast.