Officially Unofficially
Two guys. A microphone. No tangent left unturned.
Officially Unofficially
We took a COMPATIBILITY TEST and... 🥰 Officially Unofficially #36
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RLCS's very own power couple Cole & Stumpy took a loooove test to see if we're right for each other.
The results SHOCKED US.
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In unprecedented content. We are going to be showing you guys our real couples therapy. Mm-hmm. You got questions for you? We need to take a deep dive into each other's psyche.
SPEAKER_01We need to learn each other's minds, each other's bodies, each other's habits through the medium of what I could find on the internet of the most innocuous, pointless questions that were available to us.
SPEAKER_00Because I saw a thing on TikTok recently. Or it's a thing of like uh girlfriend quiz. Um uh if he gets one wrong, you need to buy her dinner. And it's like question wong. Question wong? Question wong. Question wong. Carry on. Carry wong. Uh uh, thank you. Um and it's like uh fries or wedges. And then there's like a little three, two, one, it's like, uh fries. And she goes, yeah, fries or whatever. So I thought we could do some pretty, pretty innocuous ones, which I'm sure we will disagree with each other vehemently on. I mean, if this gets any deeper than fries or wedges, I am walking out of this couples therapy right now. I've told you I don't want to go deal line. In any way, that's my line, yeah. Fries or wedges. The line is insane. It's so early on. Um okay, so the first one that I saw, this is one actually that sparked my curiosity. And I wanted to think about you in the shower. Do you face toward or away from the shower head whilst showering? Now I can't be the only one that didn't even realise this was a thing because the answer that I have to me is so obvious. It's it's the only one that makes sense. And I thought everyone did it. Okay. I face away. Interesting. Is that is that interesting? Is that not like just saying, oh yeah, um, when I put my shoes on, I prefer the one that curves inwards to be on the right and the other one to be on the left? It's like, really? I curve outwards personally. No, but mine depends. So I switch. I switch it up. I'll have a rotation. Yeah, that's fair. I'll have a little rotation. Yeah, yeah. But like, um, if I'm uh I've got a very specific morning like routine in the shower, or in general, my mornings are the same every day. It is quite impressive. Well, it's a really thing to do, but the thing is of you, like if you forget to turn the light switch off seven times and if there aren't three cars outside, you do have some sort of sort of meltdown. I've seen it happen. So uh I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised that your shower is similar. Are you like counting the water particles or something? Yeah, exactly. So I um uh I will I have to uh obviously do the shampoo, and then I basically for a while, not for a while, that makes it sound bad. I got like I got a bit lost in the shower where I basically forgot to do things while I was in there. So now in my head I've got linked activities in the shower. You've got a shower mind palace. You've got a mind auto world you go in. The flumes are over there, so I've got to do my hair. Then I won't go up to the floor. Time to put my little flappy shoes on or something. I will I'll do my shampoo and then I I then I have to then do my shower gel along with that, do all that, best credit card the old bum, and then you then for any audio listeners, I put my hand out flat and did a credit card action and also go fuck yourselves. We haven't said that for a while, yeah. Good do go fuck yourselves, audio listeners. Yes, yeah, you have to make sure that you do. Um, and then I then will put my conditioner in. That's one and a half pumps of the conditioner that I use, and then I will then do my teeth at the same time. Yes, I'm gonna be asking. So I do my team. I do my teeth in the shower. My guy! My man, I invented teeth in the shower. I made it a thing. I made it happen. You did. Of course I did. Everyone knows it, mate. Next time you or anyone listening to this right now uh brushes their teeth in the shower, think of me. Think of a little cool cold, because I did it once. I always do. I did it once, and I thought, this literally saves two minutes. Yeah, yeah, because I'm waiting for my conditioner to do its thing regardless. I also shampoo and condition every single day. Which I know, which I think I apparently it's not good, but my hair is also in brilliant condition. It is can you can you give us a little bit of a look at this? I mean, that's a that's quite a deep groove there, though. I mean carve out. You could get on the uh the old jutasteride, because I do worry, when your hair thins, it's gonna be bad, mate. But that's alright though. Yeah, that is thick. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. My hair is, without bragging, genuinely at times too thick and luscious. And your steak- I don't want to be a dick. Your steak is so juicy.
SPEAKER_01My lobster so bucking buttery, you would not believe. Fucking buttery, bucking footy. So, but yeah, so I um uh I do that, do my do my teeth in the shower. Um, and then every now and then, if I want a little treat to make it feel like I'm like in the uh standing in the rain, um, I will like turn around and like and I'll I'll wash the conditioner out of my hair, like kind of with the water going on that sort of facing the wall.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So it feels like I'm like in the rain. Oh yeah, with with one hand on the wall, looking down, thinking about regrets, thinking about your responsibilities as a man, thinking about how you are going to fix humanity and your relationship and your dog and your house. Is it in turmoil? But just all the things that no, no, but when you're leaning with one hand against yeah, everything's in turmoil. When you are leaning against with the rain nowadays. Exactly. With with the rain on the top of your scalp, feeling like you can fix it all. Uh I'm I'm okay, I like that. I I respect that you have a full-on um structure to your shower. I'm a bit more freeform, I'm a bit more loosey-goosey, sort of the opposite of how we are in in many things, really.
SPEAKER_01I'm the I'm so we so rarely align.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's incredible how rarely we align on anything. It's amazing. Sometimes you're the mark, sometimes you're the Jez. When it comes to showering, apparently you're the mark. No, I'm jazz. You have to do the shampoo first. It says on the bottle, it says on the bottle. There's no way that you condition first. I'll tell you what I do. Do you want to hit my shower routine?
SPEAKER_01I'm angry.
SPEAKER_00I'm angry if you have ever conditioned first. A go in. And our show, I mean, you know our house is shit. We still need to upgrade our bathroom. Our downstairs is quite nice now, but our upstairs is the land that time forgot. So our shower is like, it's electric, it goes hot, it goes cold, it pisses a little bit of water on you. Yeah, it's a wet room situation, right? Oh it's so bad as well. When we moved in, it had like a it had like a chair for the old lady that lived here. So we removed that and we've sort of we've like put a hole in a bit to see what was behind it, and the hole's still there. It's in that sort of Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get you, I get you. So we go in, and um it's like, okay, the shower's quite nice today. Nice. Let's assume for arguments' sake it'll be a warm shower. No hotel. It's a good day. Oh, genuinely. Wait, no way! Wait, wait, you have to hop in and out when it gets hot or cold. Sometimes it goes cold and I have to step forwards and then I wait for it to get hot. Linnea has figured out a way. Basically, the sh the electric shower that my former stepdad installed, so we'll blame him. Fuck you, Tim. Yeah. Um he installed it and it's never quite been consistent. But what Linnea realized is in the electric shower, prick, there's a little like a hole, and I don't know if it's meant to be a hole, but water sort of piddles out of it. Yeah, like sort of above you, so then it can get on your body. Yeah, yeah. Because there should be fucking loads of holes made. You get really wet, it's crazy. No, no, but like on the shower unit itself, okay? So you turn it. Uh also one of the the dials, one of them is like, you know, the longer bit should be the dially bit. On one of them it is, but on the other one, it's the shorter bit that's the dially bit, so you've got to do the opposite of the longer. So anyway, you figure out.
SPEAKER_01If this is in a hotel, you'd be so angry.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah, unless you're in like Azerbaijan, you're like, wow, the Azerbaijanis have got terrible hotels, how quaint and interesting, you know? Yeah. Um, but yeah, basically there's a little hole where something comes, the water comes out, and if you if you put your finger on the tittle hole, it like locks in the heat. Lenae discovered that, and she said to me, Oh no, no, don't worry. Just put your finger on the tiddlehole and it keeps in the heat.
SPEAKER_01Oh, and she said that like it was a solution.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's a fix. And I said, should we put some glue in the tidal hole? Like just make it permanent. And then she very wisely said, Ah, but what if that breaks it? What if it's meant to be a tittle hole?
SPEAKER_01I don't think it is. I'm gonna be honest. I don't think there's meant to be a tiddle hole.
SPEAKER_00Well, it might be because you know, boats, they've got like little gaps and stuff like that, and bridges bend and sway. You can have a solid bridge. Maybe our tiddle. Yeah, boats don't have holes through to the ocean. No, but they've got little gaps. They have drainage. That imagine if you're like, oh, we'll just plug up the drainage because water's getting through. Yeah, plug the hole. No, but what if it's what if it explodes? Mate, fill it with cork, just get it done. Alright, I'll do it. Just plug the hole. If I plug the hole, there's two options. One, I'm right and I've ignored Lanea. I'm the bad guy. Brilliant. Two, I'm wrong and I've ignored Linea. That's funny. Yeah, true. But Stumpy told me to Lanea. So wait, wait, so wait, so what's your routine? Once you've in your body's little hole. Well, assume it's a warm day, okay? Yeah. Uh basically I go in and I've I look around and somewhere there'll be some sort of shower gel. Smush that on. Anywhere it goes, it goes. Look to my side, uh, shut my eyes, do re me fa solati da, and pick up like, oh, it's shampoo today. Shove a bit on. So sorry, so you don't do so you there's days where you might do conditioner first. I don't always do both. No, no, no. There's days where I do one and days where I do the other, and it sort of works. It's a sort of patchwork system.
SPEAKER_01But I don't want to disagree that your hair routine isn't working. Well, thank you.
SPEAKER_00Because it because actually I got I'm looking at it now, it is shiny. That is not sans shine. So for audio, some days you'll be able to do it. So it's so some days you'll do shampoo, and then some days you'll do conditioner, and rarely you will do both. Um I can't think if I ever really do both. Maybe sometimes I will. It's it's not rhyme or reason. But they're meant to be used in conjunction. I don't know if that's true. Some days a conditioner is. I thought there was one that you use every day. I think conditioner you're meant to use every day. Maybe it's they're used in conjunction when you do do the sham. So it's conditioner every day, and then some days did die to shamp. Other days. I I don't think, firstly, I'm in the wrong here because I don't think you're meant to shampoo and conditioner every day. I don't think you do. And I know that's wrong. Yeah. But then also my hair is good, so like it's fine. Like it kind of works. Exactly. It also kind of works, is that if I then go a day without doing it, my hair is awful. Like my hair gets greasy and I hate it. I've got a long flight, I will leave greasy. Yeah. And I know that that's because I shampoo and condition every day, and therefore that's bad, right? They're addicted. Your follicles are addicted to shampoo.
SPEAKER_03They're like, come here and good stuff.
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. But then, yeah, so realistically, I should stop that. And yeah, I'm obviously not going to. Wow. Obviously. Interesting. When we shower together, the next event we're at, it's gonna be lovely because you're gonna be trying to you're gonna be trying to pill on my head, and I'll be trying to condition you not to do it. Ah, that's the dream. That's the dream. So that was one of our 30 questions. Question two. Buckle up everyone for a six-hour podcast. Speaking of six hour podcasts, if you're enjoying this six hour podcast, then remember to sub because this is officially. I know, I know, I know, I realize I subbed. You're about to tell me we're just gonna be able to do that. Before we'd even done the titles. I was reeling it in, and I just unofficially, you stole that from me. The best podcast on the internet. What a load of titles that was. Yeah, true. What a load of titles. Uh, okay, another one. Uh, what is your stance on making the bed? Do you do you make the bed every morning? Is it just like when you put new sheets on? Is it just sort of like you get out of bed and you might like flap it over, but it's not like made-made. What's your vibe? Yeah, um, again, it's sort of free form. It's sort of loosey-goosey. Some days I will, some days I won't. I actually did just now. I I just made the bed as well. Um and replaced it. Is that just sort of like laying the duvet flat rather than like tucking it all in nicely and God, yeah. I'm not a I'm never tucking it in. Oh, I was gonna say historical evil people. I'm not one of them because that's what that's what tuckers do. Do you know what I mean? I feel like if you tuck your bed in, hotel style, like I hate horrible. It's horrible. You go in and I'm like, oh, do you know what I'd love? I'd love one more inch for my right hand to move. And you can't, because it's tucked. It's gonna like, you've got to push, boosh, brr. It's like giving birth. As soon as I get in a hotel bed, I'll like get in it, and then I grab the sheet. Do the wiggle wobble like rolling violently to untuck it on every angle. I'm a wiggle wobbler, and you're a roller. Both do that at the same time?
SPEAKER_01This is what I do. I'm not doing that. I can't do that. But it's visual comedy.
SPEAKER_00I can't do that, man. I think it looks like we're taking the mook. I didn't until you said that. It was a bit Donald Trump's impression, I think. It was a bit of a bigger. But it wasn't, and that's okay. That's the difference.
SPEAKER_01It was a little bit should have been presidential candidacy ending of you. And yeah, you and him get away with it.
SPEAKER_00Sorry, America. Well, when you're famous enough to have 200 YouTube subs, they let you get away with it. Um, yeah, I I I think I am a I don't make the bed, but like I'll sort of generally lay it mostly flat. Not always. Yeah, it's like I think right now the bed is like half made, where like I got out of bed and then I like flapped mine back over, but it's on like a bit of a wonk, it's a bit crump, whatever. Like that's that's not the problem. I mean, most of the time when there's been times where I've sort of made it relatively nice, and then I've got upstairs and Jasper's hops on the bed and he's you know, the little dog thing is where they sort of stretch forwards, and it's like it's all turning into like a pile anyway, and it's like exactly the way it is. So yeah, I I sort of I'll I'll give it um a drape, but nothing crazy and tucked in. If you do tuck in your bed, horrible. Let us I'd love to know if there's one person out there, one, that tucks in their bed like a hotelier, then I just would love to tap into your psyche. Please let us know. Sorry, I've thrown to you as your horror.
SPEAKER_01I was gonna wait at the end of your sentence in fairness, so that is also one nice.
SPEAKER_00How is the waiter coming up to you going, how's your food, sir? Um okay, uh, now we move on to food and drink quirks, right? Interesting, okay. Just so we talk about weight. What is your favourite toast topping? I'd like to start this one. Okay. Easy. This one's locked in. By the way, this is like normal toast. I'm not saying like, you know, sausages and bacon, because obviously that's great. Like mushroom, sort of like cream of mushroom. Yeah, exactly. You're talking about your spreads. A spread type vibe. Yeah. I to me, easy. Butter, marmite. How much marmite? How covered? A decent spread, but not so much that it goes like super dark, just so it goes like a rich, like uh browny, buttery kind of colour. Like, that's got that's perfect. I love that. Like a rich wood. There's one thing that frustrates more than anything. You know, like content pieces, like at the World Cup when we're learning about the Japanese team or in esports, which is our world, and you're learning about vitality, and you're in it, you're in Britain, and uh they say, Oh, trying British foods. And what do they do with marmite, Stampie?
SPEAKER_01They always get them to try marmite on a spoon on its own, which is not how anybody eats marmite. I love marmite, I think it's brilliant. I adore it. I would never just eat it off the spoon because that's obviously insane.
SPEAKER_00Well, listen, still not doing that. Our current event is in America, and apparently in America they put salt on their food. Would you like to try some salt? Yeah, I reckon I'll boof some salt up my ass.
SPEAKER_01That sounds delicious.
SPEAKER_00I reckon I'll do that. I'll snort some salt water.
SPEAKER_01That's how they do it. Obviously, that's not how they do it.
SPEAKER_00I mean, but I I love I love marmite on toast. That's my favourite. I love marmite on toast, and then you make cheese on toast out of that. That's brassy good. That's good. I remember my mum used to teach me to put marmite in like pasta when you were cooking it, because it makes it sort of like bolognese, it's really good. Makes it salt. Is it salty that it makes it, or is it something else? Umami. Umami. What is umami? Apart from what it's like. It's sort of like mum says, Ah, I lost it. It was there. I lost it. It's gone. Move on. Yeah, I think on me. Um like Tim. Hey.
SPEAKER_01Um, so send that in your mum's group chat.
SPEAKER_00Um, so uh it's it's sort of like uh like that rich, um salty, uh like meaty-esque flavour. That kind of like caramelized, that like you know, that like savoury caramelized like richness that kind of comes through. Interesting. I I don't think I can never quite. It's like soy sauce, marmite, brown, uh me so genuinely, yeah. That kind of like richness that a brown thing, Worcestershire sauce, is that umami type. So there's there's there's sweet brown, which is chocolate, and umami is savory brown. Basically, yeah. Genuinely, that helps me that helps me place it in my go. Nice. I've learned something today from you, so thank you very much. Um, your question to me was what do I put on my toast? Um your favourite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Am I allowed to say a combo? My combo was butter and marmal. Yeah, yeah. So I would keep it within the realms of not taking the piss.
unknownRight.
SPEAKER_01Give me some examples. What could I or couldn't I say, boss? Alright, I'll give you jam. Okay. I give you marmalade. Okay. I give you Nutella. Yeah, I give you marmalite.
SPEAKER_00And not all of them are the same thing, because that would be a silly answer. How fucking dare you. That statement. You dare take the piss with this question. Sorry, sir. I won't be class clown and say I'll have the marmite peanut butter. Thank you. Marmalade spray. Marshmallow fluff. Uh my answer is uh peanut butter and jam. I love peanut butter and jam. A nice PBJ for our American friends listening on. There's something about it, it's like always okay, I've got one for you actually. Do you crunch it or so? Because I've never had it. I've never had PB and J.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, I don't really like jam. This is the issue. Because you're a super teacher, aren't you? I'm not sure. Actually, you don't like the flavour of I don't like um uh normally with jam, it's got like seeds and stuff in it. I say normally. The ones that I've had have got like seeds and whatever. Unless it's a cheap jam, which to me is better because then the seeds are gone. Because it's like some weird like horrible pulp of the ends of some things, which is not good jam. Cheap jam is unnatural. Like seedless jam has strayed too far from guns. The fact that it's just like it's like jelly, but it's it's credible jelly. But it's it's got the firmness, it reminds me of like, you know, like um cheap fruit pastels where it's not the firmness of a fruit pastel, but it's like that sort of really slight firmness on the outside, and then you squish in like a bug. I hate that. I hate that. And cheap seedless jam reminds me of seeds. It's the seeds being like little, like the crunchy bits in there. It's also why I don't like do you know those little um uh like chocolate sweet jazzies?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they are a lot of chocolate with sprinkled like the the the texture combination between the chocolate and the crunchy things is fucking revolting. Genuinely, it sets my skin on edge. I I hate it. I imagine you feel the same way for that that I feel about those cheap fruit pastels, where it's that furnace of it. It's very animalistic. So maybe for you it is like, you know, your ancestors would have bitten into like a bit of delicious thinking it was a delicious cricket and it was actually a witch tea grub, like and he's like, oh, that shouldn't be squishy, you know, oh it shouldn't be wormy. Um but yeah, uh crunchy peanut butter for me, always. Do I mix them? Crunchy always. I love crunchy peanut butter for sure. Yeah, I'll put the peanut butter on first on the toast, and then the jam on top of that. And I guess I don't not mix, but I don't go like that with my own. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not actually mixing, so you're not keeping them set. There's a bit of natural um oil separation, is natural, as they say on all the best. You also put butter on there too. No, the peanut butter's got the word butter in it, you know? That is your butt, in my opinion. That would that would be similar to me with my thoughts on guacamole. When you put butter in with peanut butter and jam, to me, that actually just negates the taste of the delicious peanut butter and jam. In the same way, and I'm not alone in thinking this, I can't be. Guacamole on a burrito opinion in nachos, in anything, all it does is dampen the impact of the actual interesting flavours. It's terrible.
SPEAKER_01It's such a shit food opinion.
SPEAKER_00It's so bad. Guacamole is flavorful, it is the fat, it adds that creaminess. But you don't like creaminess. I want to bite into something. I've got this, I've got this meat. People got I love more meat, please. Also, more cream, so I don't taste the meat as much. Because then that's not what it does. Suppresses the flavor. It's not a flavor suppressor. You want to say flavor suppressor? Oh god.
SPEAKER_01But also, you you're a you're a you're a you're a nachos main, which I find crazy. Because nachos are the most mid-Mexican thing that you can get. Really? You get nachos, because where do we get the nachos? You get takeaway nachos from like dominoes or whatever.
SPEAKER_00No, it's pizza. And they were they were rubbish. They were vile. Yes, no, they were. I'll give you that 100%. So um, where I live in Cambridgeshire, the the pizza that I go to, genuinely, they nail their nachos for whatever reason, even delivered, they're takeaway nachos. It's insane, Timmy. They're crispy, they're crunchy, that they stick together a bit in a sort of satisfying way. Do you know what I mean? Like they're fake, they're very fake. They are the sort of they're the Which isn't a bad thing. Yeah, yeah. They're the Nacho cheese slop of nachos. My lunch today, because I saw it in Sainsbury's yesterday, on the topic of fake food, I've got a Rustlers burger.
SPEAKER_01Nice, man. I saw it in the shop and it was like a quid. And I thought, I said to Anna, I was like, I don't know how a Rustlers, I think, since third year of uni.
SPEAKER_00So that's like 10 years ago now. Yeah. And I thought, I need to have a Rustlers. Pick that bad boy up, and she was away on a Hendo this weekend. I've also got myself a Chicago town pizza, like a big one.
SPEAKER_01So I'm just like, I'm fake fooding myself into a coma.
SPEAKER_00I'm so excited. Um, not with the one that I got. Um there's always there's like the cheese and then like the the vibrant orange sauce, whatever the fuck that is. It's a thin tube, by the way, which is obscene. Why is it always so thin tube? It's a wacky wavy, inflatable unfailing tube man of a fruit tube. Yeah, it looks horrible, and I'm so excited. So I've got that. Not I'm not gonna add anything extra to it though. I think I just need the the default Ross's experience. And I'm microwaving it. No, oh yeah, you're not gonna separate it. Have you seen those videos where like in McDonald's they sort of they take it all apart and they say, here's how to make gourmet food out of the McDonald's? All you have to do is I have seen that, I find that really interesting. Shop on the McDonald's burgers, and then you get the bread and you use it to make a bread sauce, and then what we'll do is we'll get this Wagyu beef, which is 400 years old, and we'll just slice that up and mix it in, and then all you have to do is get some 500 pound soy sauce. My point being that they basically they don't make it from the stuff. They add triggers to what they're making out of what? 400 year old Wagyu beef and bread sauce. Uh I guess a nice um sort of biscuits and gravy.
SPEAKER_01I guess.
SPEAKER_00Fair enough.
SPEAKER_01Alright. I get pleased. Please, I guess. Okay, because you thought of a food as good enough. That's fine. Because you could have said slobs and knobs. That's what they're making.
SPEAKER_00Again, to any Americans listening, they're like, that sounds like a British food. It does. It sounds like bangs and mash. It sounds like spotted dead. Speaking of slobs and knobs, I I had an amazing food hack in in uh the shop the other day. I'm gonna send you a picture, right? I've sent you two pictures. This is the pot noodle food hack. This will change your lives. Have a look at the pictures I've just sent you and see if you can figure out my life hack. Uh, you want the widescreen one? I sent I've got a vertical one as well for short form. They're stacked so high. They are stacked high, aren't they? Fair play too.
SPEAKER_01One of these pot noodles near genuinely touching the ceiling. I mean, they are the king hole.
SPEAKER_00Did you have to hold your phone up high for this, or is this shelf at your height? Um, I'd say it's at my height. Yeah, this is this is my height shelf at the shop I've ever seen. The king pot noodle, you have to reach up for the king, but it's worth it for the king. Um yeah, all the clues are in the picture. You should be able to figure out what the what the life hack is here. Are you putting baked beans in your pot noodle? Uh nice idea, but no. Uh it's all to do with the pot noodle. So you could crop below the pot noodle. It's all to do with that. Crop noodle. Um go on, enlighten me. Okay, so talk to me about the price of the king pot noodle. So the king pot noodle is £1.40. And then talk to about the price of the regular pot noodle. Uh the regular pot noodle, uh, the chicken and mushroom one, is £75. So that's for a 90 gram portion compared to £114 portion. Actually, not that much difference between the two. So what are you thinking then? Because two times £75p. £1.50. Exactly. So for £1.50, I got £180 grams of pot noodle. Instead of for £1.40, getting £114 grams of pot noodle. And I took a little picture as I was making it. I mixed them together because I thought you'd like this. Uh so this is how it ended up. Wait, did you mix the same flavour? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would have been fine. Maybe next time. Maybe next time I'll make I didn't even think of that. That is genius. It's not, because you shouldn't. So that's a great shout. Um, but yeah, that is that is what it looks like when you combine two pot noodles into one pot noodle. Combined them in the pot. Why did you not decant it? Because it's a pot noodle. I can't depot it, can I? Why is there still powder around the air? Yeah, you have to like there's basically there's not a lot of room for two regular pot noodles in one pot. It was it was on the it was cratering the rim. So then the powder was going like to the side, and then I had to like flick the powder round the plastic uh to get it into the centre. Um but yeah, that's the last picture I took was that one which is sort of semi-cooked. You had to pour it in, wait for the steam to melt the top ones because you couldn't crunch, you couldn't push them down yet, and then eventually you can just like squeeze as you go, squeeze down. Okay, and then eventually, yeah, I had my mega pot noodle, and it was it was alright. It was less nice, I would say.
SPEAKER_01But did you have just a just a drizzle? I'll take it.
SPEAKER_00Or did you go full saucing? Well, this is the thing, because we've ranted many times about the fact that in pot noodle, when you get the little sachet, it will say just a tickle or mega saucy, and it's like two milliliters.
SPEAKER_01Fucking joke.
SPEAKER_00I've said to you before, I bin the soy sauce and I put in my own. Which I either is worth putting in that little soy sauce. That is your that is your middle finger to wriggleys or whatever it is, whichever company is pot noodle. Um but yeah, so I I did once it had cooled down enough and I'd actually able to stir it, and that was it was slow stirring. You stir quick, it goes everywhere, right? I then poured the um soy sauces on, both of them. Yeah. So double mega saucy. Christ! You're gonna have a heart attack with all that salt. Mega saucy squared. All that umami. And then I tried to stir it, but you couldn't really stir downwards. It could only spin because there's no gaps.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no up and over.
SPEAKER_00So basically, the the first two forkfuls, they were actually mega saucy, and then the rest was flavourless, it was great. Oh, that sounds brilliant. Thank God you did this. So that's my life hack, everybody. In hindsight, probably better to put them all in a bowl, but it's a pot noodle. You know? And in hindsight, you can put those beans in there next time. Very good. Uh the next uh question, uh, this is one that I feel quite strongly about. Okay. How do you feel about pulp in orange juice? Oh, it's so much nicer. It's so satisfying, comforting to have little bits of orange floating around in my liquid orange. It adds adds to it. And then every now and then you get a little juicy bit, and you can get it right between your teeth, and it's like it's floating towards you, happy as anything. I feel like an orca hunting like plankton. Do you know what I mean? Like, got ya. That's really disgusting. Pulp in orange juice is I mean, ultimately, and I don't want to overreact here, it's what peeps do. Like, it's absolutely disgusting. The texture of it is just sort of like a it's like dish water. You know, when like you've washed dishes and there's bits of like scum, like noodles and like a pea and you know, a a piece of herb floating around in the sink, and like a bit of like mince that's had all the sauce washed off it. But then like all you've got to do is get five pots of pot noodle, pour them in, and you've got yourself a lunch, baby. It's that just the orange juice version. I honest to God, I've because I've had it before where I've gone to like in a foreign country normally where I can't read exactly what's on it. Yeah, I'll buy an orange juice, I'll take a sip, I cannot physically continue consuming it. I could be, you know, when you're in the mood orange juice, yeah, and you're like, oh my god, the only thing that would satiate me right now is orange juice where it makes my tongue salivate and it's like really acidic and amazing and lovely and cooling. It is good.
SPEAKER_01Now I have the orange juice and it's got pulp in it. I'll I have to get rid of it. There's no world where that can possibly be better to chew a drink than it is to just have a normal drink.
SPEAKER_00That's insane. There's there's there's there's two lines of inquisition here: there's pulp and there's juicy bits. Are you as passionately against both? I th as far as I was concerned, because I avoid them with both of those terminologies, uh, I hate them both. Well, pulp pulp is sort of like Juicy bits are. Juicy bits not just that's gotta be a marketing term for pulp. No, I think that's it. That's big pulp who think that pulp's bad. I thought juicy bits were actually the little, there's a word for it, the little octaves of orange. Yeah, the little actual individual bits of the biggest. Yeah, you know, seggies, yeah. I thought that juicy bits were those, were actively those, whereas pulp is the mishmash of stuff, the sort of the dull dish water, the soap scum, as it were. I I think I get why you hate it. They are the same thing. Well, they're the exact same thing. Okay. Did Google say. In the UK, juicy bits is what is like a colloquial term that I guess their marketing is stolen to make it seem a bit nicer rather than fucking disgusting. Okay. And then pulp is in US and Canada. I was always under the impression they were different, but fair enough, and fair enough. Okay. Um I I guess is it sort of like it feels a bit like mold to you? Like that sort of that floating mass. Horrible. It's a. All I can describe it as is I just don't like it. Yeah. And it's a very subjective thing. No, I get you. It's so off-putting. I'm a massive texture eater. Yeah. Um, I'm I'm really big on texture um when I eat, probably undiagnosed to an extent.
SPEAKER_01Um, how many times did you turn a light off and on today?
SPEAKER_00Uh seven and a half. Um and uh the it's I think it's because I just don't like the feeling of it all just going into my mouth. I love a smoothie, and a smoothie will have bits in it. Smoothie is pulp. Smoothie is entirely pulp. Yeah, I guess maybe it's a bit of a nature of a smoothie. There are some things where a bit of it is awful. I'll give you the best example. So hard into pulp that it's great. To you, pulp is like have you ever had orange squash and you drink it, and then you put water in the orange squash glass, and there's a subtle a ghost, an echo, a shadow of the orange squash flavour from before. Have you ever had that? And it's unpleasant. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. It's fully unpleasant. I think that's incredible, that's middle ground for me. I don't really care. Because that's flavour, that's not texture, so I don't really care. It's enough to just sort of tickle your ivories without really being there. Without fully committing to it. And I I get why it would be unpleasant. And I guess that to you is what pulp is. It's like, I don't mind it if it's a full smoothie, if it's the experience, if it's meant to be there, but when it's just hinting at being there, it's like, what are you doing there? This isn't your this isn't your vibe. Then interestingly as well, because my if I have a smoothie, I will always opt for a green smoothie. I like it when it's got like spinach and kale and like apple and kiwi and that kind of thing, like a green smoothie, as opposed to like a red berry smoothie, which is your raspberries of strawberries, which I think are disgusting. I think a strawberry on its own is vile. I've tried a raspberry and I hate him. Like I think it's absolutely awful.
SPEAKER_01And I've said to you many times, I wish I liked fruit. Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_00I by no means have pride in this. No, I get it.
SPEAKER_01I wish I liked fruit because oh my god, it looks so good to be able to just sit down with a punnet of strawberries and just slam them back. That looks amazing.
SPEAKER_00Chocolate Wimbledon. I could not stand it, right? Um, I'm absolutely fine with all the bits of an apple. Because you know what you expect from an apple? An apple's consistent all the way through. What about people that eat apples as in eat the middle because they're cool? Oh, that's weird. That's showing up. If I had a mate that goes, Look, uh you eat it sideways, you don't notice it or something like that. My mate used to do it with oranges with the skin. Really? Just wouldn't it go just bite through the peel and then eat the entire thing. Is it one of those things where like the first time everyone goes, Whoa, Jason's eating an orange, what a legend. It must be. I reckon that he does it again. Yeah, the next time he does it again, everyone's like, Jason, we get it. He's like, Oh, this is how I do it.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. That wasn't like I'm Jason Orange, get it? It's like, well, what's your phone network? Now it's T-Mobile. True. Yeah, to me, it's just for whatever reason, the texture of it all, when it's all uh when I don't understand where the texture's going, or when there's when there's hard in the soft. But if there's soft in the hard, that's great. If there's hard in the soft, that's bad. Interesting. Okay. Like you know when you bite into chicken and you get a bit of cartilage. Yeah. I'm way better now with that, where I'm just like, oh, that wasn't very pleasant. Take it out and I'll move on, whatever. I don't really care now. But literally, if I was having like wings or something and I had a bit of cartilage, it was saying shivers down. I'd be like, oh my fucking god, I cannot stand that. And I'd then go off the chicken. You would be a rubbish blue whale sorting, sifting through the plankton. It's basically pulp. You go, all the other blue whole blue whales of the sea. All the other blue blue whales are going, oh my god.
SPEAKER_02I was like, hey again, the coast of Alaska has got millions of billions of plankton we can filter through our filter like teeth and eat. And you're like Delicious. Is that pulp? Juicy fish bits.
SPEAKER_00Sorry, can I get some orange juice, please? Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like the pulp. So I'm I'm I I'm a no-pulper. You're a pro pulper. What's Anna? Uh, she is also a no-pulper, which is quite a bit. That works well. I think. But I also feel like anybody who is on the no pulp side will not go into the pulp side. But anybody who's on the pulp side will happily have no pulp. Yeah, we're the exactly. I'm not gonna be like, oh my god, this is disgusting. Where's my soap scum? Where's all the bits? Like, and ultimately that makes you a better person. Uh consumer. Oh, a better consumer in that regard, which I would, again, rather be. Yeah. I would rather be able to have the pulp and everything. Because I pride myself on eating essentially anything, but then I know what I prefer. That's fair. Um, there's just some things that I just know that I will not enjoy. Like, I know that I also don't enjoy um aubergine or like eggplant. Oh, they're good. I just don't like the texture. It's all sloppy and horrible. Yeah, I just don't like that. It's just not very nice. The mayor always gets like uh aubergine-based stuff. It's like, do you want to try it? Like, okay. Yeah, I'll have that grey slop. It looks brilliant. It tastes like a slightly frozen poo. Do you know what I mean? Like just frozen enough to have a bit of firmness, but it was diarrhea, and now it ultimately still is diarrhea in a bowl. And I'm just not into eating that sometimes. I like it. Time and place. Um if you are eating a sandwich, I say I don't know what says eating, if I'm making a sandwich, would you cut it diagonally or straight across? I can tell you so triangles or rectangles. I can tell you the worst. Into into four squares. Four squares is a sandwich is so horrible. It's like you half bite it or do you pop the whole thing in your mouth? It reminds me of like um I said before, maybe on the podcast, maybe not. I don't trust sliders, the little burgers. What are you? Why how big is my hand now? It just feels alien and wrong. I feel like I'm Oh, it gives you like size, Dimorphia. Dimorphia. Dimorphism? No, dimorphism is when two things look different. Uh dysmorphia. Dysmorphia, yeah. It gives me size dysmorphia. I feel like um Jack is about to come up and beat my legs with an axe and steal my golden eggs. Massive. Yeah, I don't know. It's like you shouldn't be that small. You should be a bit bigger, probably double the size. I I don't quite trust them. Um, so uh yeah, I I guess it's similar for me with quarter sandwiches, the worst way to slice a sandwich. I'm a I'm a diagonal, I like diagonal, it's a bit fun, it's a bit spunky, punky, it's it's sort of chill with it, but it's not trying too hard. You don't have to be an artist to create a quarter sandwich. How about you? So I would 100% always go triangles because then you also you always get the best bite. I'm always starting from a corner and then sort of like maybe like going a bit into the middle, but I'm leaving that middle bit for the end. Because the middle middle is the goat piece of sandwich. And if you can finish on the middle bit of sandwich, then you've nailed it. That's absolutely brilliant. And I get what you mean about sliders, um, because I feel the same about you know, they're like those tiny cans of um like coke and stuff you get on planes. Oh, the little 125 mil ones. I've just sent you a picture of uh of a can of coke that I had on a plane.
SPEAKER_01And uh dear, you've undergone.
SPEAKER_00Like that end the episode. I'm a big man, right? Yeah, they are it's a shot of Diet Coke. It's embarrassingly small. That's so small. And I I get what you mean. Um, but I'm definitely a uh diagonal cut it, save that middle bit of sandwich right for the end, because then you have the perfect piece. That's hilarious. Oh yeah, fair enough, fair enough. Do we have any non-food ones in your moving on to like uh tech and such? Tech and such, okay, okay. How many? Uh this is two questions, but I'll just I'll I'll separate them. Uh how many app notifications do you currently have in your notification drawer? Because I know that you farm them. Yeah, yeah. You have got an unbelievably large amount. I'm just checking there's nothing I I can't show. To the point for me of stress. Yeah, that's fair. Uh oh my god, yeah, I've got so many. I've got so many. I've got more in there currently than I would like, but it's because I'm saving I I use it as like my reminders to do things. Yeah. So I've currently got four things on there because I've got four things to do. Yeah. You have upwards of 20. Yeah, no, and I should I should there's some here that I don't need, and I should get rid of them. I would show them, but there's phone numbers and there's things to say, I won't show them. But I'm scrolling. I'm scrolling. I'm scrolling. I'm scrolling. This is on your notification. Yeah, yeah, swipe down and they're all there. But then some of them are like YouTube videos that I might choose to watch later. Some of them are reminders that like I get a weekly thing about uh football, like the the pickup games of football that I play. Do I want to opt in? And if I swipe it away, I'll forget. So I also use miners. And the same as that. I use mine as reminders fully. Yeah, for sure. I'm I'm definitely with you on that. But you've got some real piss take ones on there. I'm looking at my stuff now. In our work email, I've somehow got 160 on red, but I don't know why, because everything on my front page is red. But it's like it's the ones from like Monzo, you know, saying like reminder, you've got to pay the sacks or we'll find you 10,000 pounds. Like things like that. It's like I'm not gonna click that. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? And like my WhatsApp is 70 from group chats on my WhatsApp. I think so. I've also on your like homepage, on your phone homepage, have you got uh your um uh notification, like you know, the dots where it says like 10 or whatever next to a thing? Have you got them on or off? Um what do you mean, sorry? You know, like next to an app, say on like WhatsApp, it will have like a little thing on the WhatsApp logo that says 10, because you've got 10 on red message page on your home screen. Uh I don't have them on my home screen, no. Um turned off. Yeah, I've got them in because I I was reading those through my PC where I've got I've got like a WhatsApp tab on my PC, and that has the 70. But I wouldn't know it's 70. Uh my my Gmail is unbelievable. We might be in the 999 plus bracket. My Gmail is also horrible. Yeah, I've apparently uh 1,200 unread in my primary inbox. Yeah. But then I've got like in my updates and promotions, I've it's easily over 10,000. Yeah, exactly. Like I've I've had this email address for 20 years. Like, I it's gonna be a huge amount of unread emails. Not so stupidly when I was younger, I'm so annoyed. I signed up for loads of things to get loads of like spam emails. Okay. Just to like just to get emails. Well, at the end of this episode, we've been hinting for the last two weeks that we're going to do you be the judge of am I the bad guy? Am I in the wrong for signing my flatmate up to emails? So hold that thought. Maybe hold that though. Maybe. But yeah, on my I've got a very clean homepage, you know, my my phone homepage. Aww. Wow, it's like a very clean. And that gone for that. Such a good little thing. There we go. Wow. Yeah, so it's like just but then Anna also hates it because all of my icons I've recoloured to not be their actual colours. I've made it so it's not the icon pack. Yeah, that's annoying. Every single thing. Discord should be blue for a start. That's the first thought there. I mean, I've got a fairly generic again, I'm just checking sure that nothing here shouldn't be seen. No, this is all fair. This is what my homepage looks like. Yeah, that's like that's generic. It is a bit generic. And then the next one is just apps. Wow, you just locked in with all the apps. Yeah, that the these are the ones I use. So what I've not done is just like, oh, I downloaded that three months ago and it's there and I never click it. The ones that are here are ones that I actively use. And um, yeah, to be fair, it has got a bit messy on the final page. Uh, but yeah, so for the most part, it's it's ones that use, and I do move them about and like you know, there's some that just feel top brighty. So like TikTok feels top variety. Can't tell you why, but I've moved it top right. Yeah, I've got wherever I settled on mine, all of my icons now just locked in those places. Yeah. And if anything ever moves, like Instagram for me, middle right. I know where that is. TikTok for me is actually middle left. Interesting. Is it middle left for me? But also I'll only ever have them that far down the screen. Because I want to have like a main thing in the middle. Whatever the picture is, I will only and also then they're all reachable bum bam by some here. That does annoy me where some you've got to do a bit of finger yoga to get to, and I'm not so into that. So I do like. I do like yours. I do like your minis. I'd like to get I'd like to be a guy that designs his Android phone, but I've never been a guy that designs his Android phone, so I'm just sort of not. Um but yeah, I'll I'll I'll move on to that at some point. Um what next one? Um okay. Uh daily life and random preferences. Okay. So uh you go to a hotel room. What would you and if you would set the thermostat to? I don't touch it, I don't look, I don't think about it. Um it's sort of I assume it's sort of fine sometimes in the night. I get more annoyed at the fan being on than being too hot for the most part. Uh so at some point I'll be like full of, and then I'll just I'll it's like it's like oh I didn't realise the fan was on and now I do. Do you know what I mean? I'd be lying there for 10 minutes, think about nothing, and I go, wait a minute, what's that noise? And it's been on the whole time. And then I'll sort of groggily wake up, punch it until it stops. That's my that's my process. Uh if I were to actively change it, probably like yeah, your 19s, maybe cool enough to be under the cover, but not hot in and of itself. I instantly thermostat, lowest it will go, highest breeze. I will make it cold and I will make it windy. You must love America. You must love like Texas and Saudi Arabia when you go into buildings and you get blasted by ice sheets. They're freezing cold rooms. I love that. Really? When we were when we did the commentary in Saudi Arabia, um, we were in uh air-conditioned rooms, and in each room there were two air colts. Oh, it was horrible. I had both on, blowing full full pelt at the lowest temperature. And it was like it must have got to like 15 degrees in there. It was freezing and it was excellent. That's wild. I I begged people to turn one of them off because I didn't want to be a dick and just. You begged me to turn off. Was it you? Was it you? I was there, like literally shivering. And I was like, can I just turn one of those off? And you were like, I love it. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01I let you do it because there were two.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, there were two.
SPEAKER_01And I thought, and also I know that I'm unreasonable on the other end of it. That's fair. But I will need it to be.
SPEAKER_00We were in a little box, to be fair. It was like a little box room in Saudi Arabia. So I don't blame them for putting two in there. But I've got mine on right now. Still from last week's episode. Regular watchers will know that we both got aircon, both proud conors. Conheads, have you got on? Proud conors. In your room? Not in this room because it's cooler at the moment. I think it might rain today, actually. But no, my aircon's currently in my bedroom. But I've only had it on for like two days because it's actually been fine. Oh mate, there was something crazy happened to me a few days ago. Lenaire and I walked Jasper at like 9 pm, okay? And it was almost at 9 pm cold enough for a light jacket. Wow. Almost. I was thinking, ooh, I could almost put a jacket on. Really? Yeah. Did you? No, no, no. Not that cold. Because this is this is prime t-shirt and shorts, weather. Nice. Yeah. Very good. I'm wearing my little my little workout shorts. Look at these. Oh, is that post-workout? No, no, I've not worked out today. Today is not a running day. Fair play. Fair play. Tomorrow and Friday I'm a running day. I'm gonna do some circuits in the garden soon.
unknownNice.
SPEAKER_00Started doing circuits of like a skipping rope. It's pretty cool. It's fun. I like circuits because it always mixes it up, you know. What are you gonna do next? Something different. Yeah, yeah. Uh are you a window seat or an aisle seat person or an on an aeroplane? Now we're getting onto delicate territory with the airplane talk. Are we are we gonna We don't have enough time for it?
SPEAKER_01One day. Because we need to do you be the judge. Yeah, exactly. So we cannot get into the reclination conversation. Yeah. Okay. We can't do that. We will one day. So let's ignore that. Yep, yep. Let's ignore who's right and who's wrong in that situation.
SPEAKER_00That's fair. That's fair. Uh by the way, everybody, uh, before we get on to answering this one, everyone's got airplane opinion, so make sure you let us know in some comments. And also, if you're enjoying this episode of Officially Unofficially, then uh hit like, uh, hit subscribe and leave a comment saying, God, I love this show, smiley face. Wouldn't that be nice to get some comments saying, God, I love this show, smiley face? I'd really like to. Yeah, if you never comment on a YouTube or a Spotify thing, just drop one down there. Well, I know I if I've if I was told to by a YouTube person, I would naturally be like, nah, I'm good. But I'm asking you, I'm pleading with you. Go on. Just say, blumming heck, I like this show. That'd be nice. That'd be nice. I'd like that. That'd be very nice. Uh so you ask me aisle or window. Um, I'm an aisler, uh, because I've got such a weak bladder. I know that on any given flight I might need to do a weed two or three times. And I don't know. How many times in like a five-hour flight? Maybe three. Well, depends, because I drink a lot of water um on a plane as well. Uh so that basically gets the juices flowing, especially if it's one where I'm going and have a look, a little drink. Do you know what I mean? On the way, like uh chill and tonic or something. That is all bets are off. I love it. All bets are off. I'm gonna be up and down like a fiddler's elbow, as my grandma says. Um, nice saying. Yeah, it's nice saying, isn't it? Uh so yeah, definitely, definitely Isle for me. I'd strike you strike me as a hmm. Do you prefer the window because you love my leg? Well, I know that's what I'm thinking, but let me let me talk you through my logic because you love the majesty of technology and organization, and how did humans get to the point where we're flying? You're looking outside at the clouds. It's a cloud, that's crazy, right? That's where birds live or whatever. What are you doing up here?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh however. Let's see those legs again. There's a lot of them. They're Ile legs. Yeah, they're aisles of smiles. Unfortunately, if I'm not, if I'm extra leg group, I'm going window. Easy peasy. Get me in the window because I don't care about the leg and then because I've got some extra, right? Yep. Um, and also then you've got something to lean on, and you can look out the window and stuff, which is quite nice. Um but of just a normal flight, I'm gonna I have to go aisle. Like realistically, I need to put my legs in literally in the aisle. Because otherwise, I have to sit with my legs akimbo, at which point I am getting in the way of the person next to me. Um or I literally I have to sit sort of like my legs like that, and then kind of put them out to the side and put them in the aisle. Have I fallen asleep before with my knees um hanging out in the aisle, and I've been rammed by the trolley. They just rammed you.
SPEAKER_01And they've woken me up like on like multiple points on the same flight. I remember this flight attendant just get smacking me in the legs with a big metal trolley. That's so funny. I'm doing my fucking best. I'm trying to stay out of everybody's way here.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you gotta even- I can't help it. You gotta toe the line between manspreading and then actively folding within yourself, which is a tough line as well. Because often become broken, yeah. That's not like like people can like stretch their legs out. You know, under the seat where you've got the little like foot resty thing. Yeah, I have never been able to use it. I feel for you. I love that. I remember once, very kindly, you got both of us extra leg room, and you're like, oh cool, guess what? I was like, what? I've got a sex room. I was like, oh, thanks. I got in there and like my my legs are dangling. I'm like, where are my legs gonna go? What am I gonna- I can't reach anything. I need to like lean against something. So I actually like on a on a plane or in a car or whatever, I will put I'll put like my knee against it like that. So it's sort of like it's like a self-leaning thing. Against what? Sorry? Against the um chair in front of me. So you're sort of like smushes to the side and I'm sort of like squeezing in myself. I like to be squose. Interesting. Yeah, it works pretty well. Same on a same on a train or whatever. Like, I don't obviously you don't want to be pushing against someone, so I don't ram it, but like a gentle lean with the the soft, with the small of my leg. Small of your leg. Small about your leg, right? Wow, all right, harsh, but fine. Yeah, thunder thighs. Thunder thighs. Leave my tangles alone. I will, I will, I will need the extra leg room, but then otherwise I will go um uh on the aisle. Because also I like to get up and walk around on a flight. Yeah, I'll get up and I'll be that dickhead up at the front stretching. That's the stuff. And like moving around. I don't mind. My body is broken. I always think that like you know, at the end of a flight, when you've landed and uh the seatbelt light uh turns off, and then people stand up, and you always hear people complain, like, oh, what are you rushing for?
SPEAKER_01Why are you standing up? I'd need to move. I've been like crammed in this seat like a sardine for hours at this point.
SPEAKER_00My body needs to escape this prison that it has found itself in. And I don't care if you think like, oh my god, where's he rushing to, dickhead? I don't I don't care. I need to be able to see. Next time you next time you're in a plane, you should announce that. You should stand up and be like, sorry everyone, can I have a can I have a second? Uh I know you're all thinking I'm a dickhead. Yeah? Uh hands up, I can see her over there. She thinks I'm a dickhead. Yeah, hands up if you think I'm a dickhead. Go on, put your hand up. Yeah, no, there actually is a reason. Uh it's because I'm really uncomfortable because my legs are quite long. Yeah. I'm sort of genetically gifted in that way. And then then then the end of it there. My legs are quite long. I just stand there, just look at them, just wait for a response. Put noise cancelling back on my headphones. Look forward. Yeah, bye. Bye, Dickheads. But yeah, uh, I get that though, I do get that. Uh I do like to um when the plane lands, I lift, you know, the middle divider. Yep. I lift that. Because then you can sort of turn a bit sideways, and the sideways turn is nice. And you can sort of do a squat, you can sort of half stand, half sit. What you don't want to do is lose access to your chair. As soon as you walk a bit further forwards and that space gets filled, and then you can't sit back down, unless, unless actually if you're if you're in the aisle, which I am, that's when I lift up the thing, because then you can sit sideways with your legs into the aisle. And then you've got some real stand-up sit-down action going on, and you can do whatever you need to do. I mean, because of I'll happily lose access to my seat. But what if it's an hour? Sometimes you're stuck there for an hour. I'm fucking that seat off as soon as I can. Yeah. Wow. I'd rather just I'm gonna stand up, I'm gonna get my bag down. Yeah. And then what does annoy me is gonna be able to slow off a plane. And I'm like, you knew we were gonna be doing that. Oh, they sort of get all the time. I can only assume that you thought you'd be leaving this plane at some point. So I don't know why. I just saw that fly go past your camera. Yeah, that was a big boy. Go away. Oh, look at that big boy. Don't acknowledge it. Don't acknowledge it. It's not here. Please don't acknowledge it. Shop, don't. Don't be a prick. Don't be a prick. Okay, would you prefer flies on or off your food? I'll go with off, please. Thank you for asking. That makes you feel better. I'll go with nowhere near. Yeah, that's fair. But yeah, no, people who are slow off planes. There's people who are too quick off planes. And then it's a little bit like, all right, calm down a little bit. It's like when you're driving. Anyone who's faster than you is a cowboy. Anyone who's slower than you is an old person. Or a video game. Anyone who's better than you is a nerd. Anyone who's worse than you is shit and shouldn't be allowed to play with you. Exactly. So I'm I'm much more of a um uh I'll get up, I'll stretch my legs, I'll get my bag down. Maybe this is what I do. I get my bag down, then I might, if it's a backpack, I'll put it on my old seat. Oh, okay. Because then I'm then because then I'm then good to move and whatever. That makes sense, that makes sense. And then I'm also not putting my backpack on while I'm in the aisle, because then it's messing up the person behind me, and then I'm swinging it around and I can hit somebody with it, and that's just annoying. What I like to do as the aisle sitter is I'll be there reading my book and I've got my things on, and the plane lands, and the queue's moving forwards, finally it's our turn, and then I think, ah, I should probably pack my bag up now, and then I'll take all my stuff out from the seat in front of me. Uh sorry, I've got a bottle. The queue's gone. Sorry, there's a bottle here. What can I do with this? Anyone? The attendant sorry, can you come over here, please? People next to me are waiting to go patiently. So can you go over here? Give them the bottle. When you're held prisoner by the person on the aisle.
SPEAKER_01I've had that. But the person on the aisle has made no attempt to move until it's gone. I'm next to them and I'm turned and I'm facing them, and then they're just like, they've still got all their stuff in the little front pocket. And I know that they've got a bag, and then like you say, yeah, yeah, they're gonna get their suitcase. And then the queue is then moving past them, and then they're like, right now, I'll grab my thing. Yeah. It's like, fuck me.
SPEAKER_00Why did you not do this 20 minutes ago? I really should have organized my laptop. Oh, if I move, if I take this out, and then my bottle, hmm, this bottle's got a bit of water. Do I want to keep that? Still sad, still buckled up. Still sad, the cue is flowing past. And you're there, though.
SPEAKER_01I'm just thinking about passport control. I was like, oh my god, so many people. But then what I do find pride in is overtaking as many people as I can.
SPEAKER_00Okay. I can, as you are also a fast walker, right? Yeah, yeah. I love getting off the plane and then kicking it into the next gear. I can walk quick and then I can then whack it into the next gear. Right. And I can fly past people. And I love it when there's like a long like uh corridor where you're all going towards passport, and I'm not running, I'm not jogging, I am just my pace is like prime Usain Bolt. I'm like my stride length is similar to his, three meters at a time.
SPEAKER_01I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_00It takes you about 30 metres to get going with acceleration, but once you are, oh my job speed is unbelievable. You are the flash, you are ridiculous. Travelator, don't need it, mate. I love it.
SPEAKER_01Oh, overtaking people when they're on a travelator and you're not. Oh my god. It's I I I like that a lot. So yeah, I like getting past all those people, flying through passport control. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But then the awkward thing is then if you've then got a bag to pick up, you then just wait at the same spot as everybody else. That's true, that's true. And I think actually, for all our differences, you and I, once we're off the plane, we're we're fairly similar. We're speedy, we know what to do, we pre-pack our bags, we tie the only difference, you know, if you'd get up straight away, I'd get up at the the right time. You know, now's the time. But you should you subtly wedge your way in front of people who are getting their suitcases down slowly, especially if you don't have one up there. I mean, you go go around them, and then yeah, straight walk to passport control. And if we've been in an event together for multiple days, you don't have to wait around for your mates. Like you, it's once you're off, you know, if people are like one step behind you, you won't just go nope and just walk forwards. But you're not gonna wait around after picking up your suitcase. If if you're yeah, like we'll wait at bagger control together. Yeah, if your bag arrives, see ya. Yeah, yeah. I'll see you at some point. That's absolutely fine. Right. I think I think I think that's the play. And I think you know what, those are all good opinions. So everybody, if you've got your own opinions, make sure you whack them in the comments. But we are now ready for the most anticipated segment of officially. Unofficially. No, it's not. Well, I was gonna say one more very quickly than this will take one second. Uh the comment of the week. The the YouTube comment of the week. Have fun. Okay, alright. I've shared this one with you. Uh, I forgot to get like a page, so it's just my favourite one that I've seen in recent times. So that is on the uh a million pounds if you can sleep in this bedroom. If you're talking about your your bedroom. Yes. Uh so my bedroom's a stressful place to be at night. So for anyone who wasn't watching, yeah, go on, wasn't watching last week. There's a tablet on either side table playing different videos with audio on both of them. There's maybe a fan on in the room. The window's open, light is coming in from street lamps, and then also there's a cat on and around the bed and a dog under the bed. That sounds like absolutely terrible. So uh lovely Willis, our shorts editor. Hey Willis, uh, put this together and we had this comment coming in, Stumpy Goblin. Uh, where La Gaya 216 said, If I'm allowed to bring my wife, dogs, and our own videos, I take your bet. And OU Podcast responded with, you can, but they'll have but they'll still be there too. Bed is gonna be cramped. And then what did La Gaya say or Lija say?
SPEAKER_01Well, yes, of course. It's not an orgy unless we're all there.
SPEAKER_00But the cat and the dog as well. Goodness gracious, you freak. What the hell? But no, that's that's good. I think having it be, you know, not this like sterile room that you're in. Uh hotel as well. You know how you've normally got like a like a netting curtain and then like the thick proper blackout curtain. Yeah. I hate blackout curtains. So I will open them up to then just have the netting. So I've then got street lights coming through or like the the the hubbub of the city wherever we are coming through into the room with a little bit of that light. If it if it's too dark, I don't want to be there. It's it's too much. Well, there you go. That was our comment of the week. Make sure you're posting comments here and we'll uh maybe you'll be featured once upon a time, just like La Gaia slash Legia slash Legia slash whatever the hell your name is. Is it is that Gaia as in the like an old landmass? That's like a thing. Is Gaia was like uh one of the old land masses? I always took it as uh Google Google Face. I always took it as uh like Spanish. Yeah, big, big Google face on that one. I always had it as sort of Spanish, like it's me, Ligaya 216. But I could be wrong. Uh Gaia just means earth, apparently. There you go. Okay, cool. Lovely. Close enough. Go on then. What were you what were you introing earlier? You be the judge, which we will be. So we've wanted to do this for about a month now. Um and we keep saying next episode, but now we've learned each other's bodies, minds, souls, and spirits. Lovely, thank you for that. You're welcome. So let's see what we can do with helping out somebody who has signed up his mate for loads of mailing lists. Yes. And is he in the right to do so? Would you like to be the first person or the second person for you be the judge? A segment that's not sponsored by The Guardian. It could be. It could be. Um, I'll be the prosecution. Uh which one's that is that first Billy. Yeah, us first. Okay. So Ronnie is using Billy's name to register for free streaming services and gyms, which Billy objects to. You get to preside over this trial. So the prosecution, Billy. My housemate, Ronnie, is a cheapskate. In this economy, I get it, but sometimes he takes it too far. He always uses my phone number to get a second free trial with gyms or streaming services, and I can't stand it.
SPEAKER_01He'll just shout from the other room, hey, what what what's the login code? That's mental. Unlike the kernel of the Wi-Fi, my contact details aren't for communal use.
SPEAKER_00I want to protect my good name, but he thinks it's funny. Valid.
SPEAKER_01That that's good.
SPEAKER_00That implies that makes sense. That's a valid spot. Yeah. Um it got particularly annoying recently when he started using my email to get discounts aimed at new customers. My inbox is flooded with welcome emails and reminders that my trial is about to expire. So terrible. I get texts at odd hours confirming signups to services I never joined. What if it's like 2 a.m. and like you're getting one to like OnlyFans? You're like, wait a minute. That's weird. Wait a minute. Ronnie, what are you doing? Um, it's as if my identity has been franchised without my consent. I'm not against a good freebie, but once I've had my run, I'm done. Ronnie, however, loves rinsing everything. He uses my Netflix as well and boasts that he never pays for streaming. That's so insulting to be like, oh guys, you don't I don't know why you all pay for it. You can get it for free, you know. And Ronnie's and the other guys just stood there like, well, yeah, I can't get it for free. Billy's just stood there. Yeah. Um, the worst part is is how casual he is about it. He'll laugh, say, I need to relax, and everyone does it. But I think it's embarrassing that at 33 years old, he's still asking his mum for her number for a meal delivery freebie. Trying to get his mum's number. That's a bit weird. Surely you just got that saved. We've all got his mum's number.
SPEAKER_01Ronnie creates multiple fake names tied to my number and his mum's as they were running some low-stakes scam operation. I find myself wondering if companies flag this kind of thing and if my number is now associated with dodgy behaviour.
SPEAKER_00It makes me feel complicit in something I didn't agree to. This now feels a bit of an overreaction. I think, yeah, this is this is getting a bit wet with it. I don't think I can. He's getting a bit wet. He's gonna assassinate you, Billy, but maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Uh I feel protective over my good name. I got a letter in the post recently about a second free boot camp class.
unknownAgain.
SPEAKER_01I love Ronnie's going to these events as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, Ronnie's going around going with a name tag that says, Hi, I'm Billy, come and say hello. Also, what's your phone number? Uh it's not about the money over and the principle of free trials. I just don't want to have to explain Ronnie's lies. I need to stop being so accommodating. We live together, so it's hard, so it's hard to have boundaries as everything is shared. It's a free for all in our flat when it comes to cleaning products, valid. Clothes, interesting, and food. Okay, the clothes is the weirdest one here. Food is weird as well, though. No, if you if you get yourself some smart. It depends on the food. Butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fine. Milk is fine. Smarties, pasta is on the edge, depending. Uh, but like a little lasagna in the fridge, that's not a fridge. Individual oven pizza, yeah. If you're looking forward to coming up for a night out and having that, and it's gone because Ronnie's had it. Oh, Ronnie's getting it. Ronnie is getting it. Um when it comes to cleaning products, clothes, and food, but I'd like my name to be off limits. So that is the prosecution Billy. I've got thoughts about this already. Yeah, first, very quickly, first instincts. Is there any way Ronnie can be okay in all this? Yes, I think there definitely is, because I am somebody who will happily like we've got um like blue light discount and stuff, we've got like compare the market, you know, the mere cat movie discounts, we've got all those kind of things. If and man has got a student discount as well. So, like, if we're able to do a discount, we'll just quickly Google this discount. If we're at a place or we're in a shop, do they do it? Oh, they don't. Oh well. But like, we'll take a couple of minutes to find the discount code. We'll Google a discount code for just eat kind of thing. Like, that's normal, that's fine. That's all in our names, though. Yeah, exactly. It's a bit it's different. And you're also in a relationship as well. You're you're engaged, so that if you put hers, it's not weird, whereas a flatmate is is very different. I'm I'm a hundred percent on Billy's side here so far, but we'll see what Ronnie says. Maybe Ronnie has gone. I'm mostly on Billy's for the record, but I think there's a world where Ronnie can be fine with this. Well, let's see. So the defense, Ronnie. Life is expensive for so many of us right now. Rent, food, everything. If there's a way to save a bit of money, I'm gonna take it. These companies aren't struggling. True. They want people to sign up for free trials in the hope that we forget to cancel. True. I'm just playing the game a bit smarter and using my name and also everyone else's. I've never put in Billy's actual credit card details, just his phone number and email. What's wrong with that? Okay, good because if he put his credit card details, it's fraud. So I'm happy that he's not done that. You be the judge, I murder my flatmate. Am I in the wrong? I'm still collecting my mum's benefits from 15 years ago. She's dead. Also, I never had a mum, I was born in a test tube. It's not as if I'm being too pushy. I did try to get him to sign up to a credit card once using my referral link, and he refused, so I left it there. None of this cost him a penny. It's just his name, which, no offense, isn't some big thing. I thought he was gonna say isn't a good one anyway, like Billy.
SPEAKER_01His name's Billy Johnson, right? What's he predicting?
SPEAKER_00He works in admin. It's not like he's a famous detective. If he had a serious issue, he could just say no clearly instead of acting as though I've committed some kind of crime after the fact. Half the time he just sighs or rolls his eyes. We share Wi-Fi, milk, and our living space. From my side, using Billy's name and email for extra sign-ups is practical. Why pay twice for something when there's a workaround? Can we have a brief recess in the middle of this before we get to the rest of Ryan? Recess time. So far, I completely get the angle he's going for. If you can get a free thing from a company, absolutely. Yes. If there's free trials, if there's this, if there's that, free subscriptions from you. You shouldn't be above getting a discount, right? Getting a discount is just normal. It's a good thing to do. There's no like weird shame in being like, oh, I've gone to this restaurant and I've got like a £10 off coupon. That's absolutely fine. Like It does sound like Billy is weirdly anti-free trial in general. And I wondered if maybe Ronnie was trying to sort of say, look, it's fine. No one's gonna burn your house down, no one's gonna break through your door. But it does seem that Ronnie is doing it for Ronnie's sake. I don't love how Ronnie's approaching this topic. I don't love his attitude in this. I don't love Billy's either. I don't like either of these people much. But I I think it's a lot of people. Billy seems like a wet wipe, doesn't he? Oh, yeah. Billy feels like a wrap fucking wet. Yeah, yeah. What about my good name?
SPEAKER_01Ha ha ha fucking Elmay. You're getting like, yeah, you're getting the taking quid off pure gym. Like, can we calm down? It's fine.
SPEAKER_00There's three more Ronnie paragraphs. Maybe he'll turn you. He says I'll get him in trouble. For example, for example, he might go to a gym I've already signed up for, and they'll discover his phone number is in the system under my name. But no one's watching that closely. Disagree, because they don't need to watch that closely, because it will just flag it because it's his number. Technology's amazing. We also have different interests, so that doesn't really happen. He doesn't want to do boot camp. Years ago, I used my brother's gym membership, and eventually we were both caught and banned. But I wouldn't do that to Billy. I know where the line is with him. I do get that the constant emails might be annoying, that's fair, but that feels like a solvable problem. Just unsubscribe. It doesn't have to turn into this whole thing about respect and boundaries, as if I'm some kind of villain. Honestly, I'm not trying to take advantage of Billy. I'm just trying to stretch things a bit further while everything's tight. I think that I don't like the attitude of just unsubscribe.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Because Ronnie is getting all the benefits and Billy's getting all the shit end of the stick. And it's like, mate, just unsubscribe. And it's like, or piss off. Yeah, just wash the shits off the head.
SPEAKER_00Just wash the shit off your head from this end of the stick. It's like, no, I want that end of the stick. I don't get any of the benefits and I get all the annoying things. I still get text and stuff like saying, you know, from a pizza place that I went to in Cambridge 10 years ago, and it's like, oh, you just need to, you know, 10 pounds off pizzas on Tuesdays. I'm like, it's a just a bit annoying. Yeah. But you signed up for it. You got that pizza. You can't. I got the benefit of the cheese. I agree. I agree. Uh yeah, I'm a I I think uh Ronnie is a is a tosser. He's an entitled little tosser, to be honest. Um because he does come across as very entitled. If Billy was annoyed that Ronnie kept asking, it's like, no, I've told you a hundred times you can't use my email, then I'd be like, get over it, Billy. However, Ronnie is just doing it. You can't just do something to someone and then question them, oh, why are you being annoyed? It's only a little thing you have to do now. Yeah, because like it's the fact that he's also saying if there's a way to save a bit of money, I'm gonna take it. But you're also taking the opportunity to save that money away from Billy also pays for your streaming services that also you've not mentioned. You've not mentioned that you get your streaming services paid for you. Yeah, that's it. And you're also subjecting your mum to all these spam texts and calls and emails. Like his number's gonna be on so many like mailing lists now to get phone calls. It's not just from that company. They share them because all Billy has to do is one sorry, Ronnie has to do is one wrong sign up, and Billy is on the hook for a thousand spam emails as well. You know, it's one thing if Billy makes that mistake, but not if Ronnie makes that mistake for him. Uh shall we see what the jury of Guardian readers have said? Yep, all right. Uh, should I go through these quickly? So Abigail 35 says. What's Ronnie's number? We should spam him in verification codes and offers to see how much he enjoys it. Personal information should never be shed without explicit consent. Protecting Billy's good name might seem frivolous, but it's not up to Ronnie to decide. His number is up. Ho ho ho! That's the T. And that's the T, Abigail. I don't know what you just said, but uh, it sounds like you agree, so that's good. Uh Charlotte 32. The economy is not so bad that a 33-year-old needs to use other people's identities to get freebies. Let's not be condescending. That feels a bit shut the fuck up, Charlotte. Like I think that's a bit condescending, though. Charlotte32 herself, huh? Um, if you're 33, you shouldn't need to get freebies. Piss off. Yeah, that's fair. You should be able to get freebies. Well, she didn't say you shouldn't have to be. I don't like her. Fair enough. Uh Billy is right. I agree there. His contact details aren't communal property. True. It's time for Ronnie to set Billy's inbox free. I like that wording. And maybe get multiple email addresses for himself. Yeah, surely he can just make email addresses. And have make like five backup emails and then just use them. All Billy's got to do is unsubscribe. It's not that big a deal. Uh Sonia 46 said Ronnie's level of entitlement is outrageous. He doesn't understand that personal details are not his to abuse, nor that his behaviour shows a lack of respect and awareness of boundaries. Time to grow up and pay your way, Ronnie. Nice things usually cost money. That's life. Dickhead. I might have added that last bit, but it sounded right. And that's the T. You gotta stop with that. Uh Kim 44. Ronnie should 100% stop doing this. Personal details aren't a shared resource, and Billy has a right to choose who he's a shared with. It's not just about the extra inbox admin. Ronnie's being careless for Billy's details, could leave Billy vulnerable to fraud. Very true. And yeah, they're not your details, brother. You can't be signing him up for these weird shit to get like a free source on Thursdays from Pizza Cottage. I mean, and and also finally, uh Letitia55, you could never accuse her of predetermining an answer because she has said you don't even have to read beyond the headline to know that Ronnie is guilty of impersonation and fraud. I think you do. I think you do have to read beyond the headline because Letitia, you're a fucking wetty. It's not impersonation and fraud. Let's not take it too far. This is that you be the judge on the Guardian. Like, I think that uh Billy is rightfully annoyed. Yeah. And uh Ronnie 100% has to stop doing this. What I would do then is in the house say, look, if you sign me up for shit, I'm taking my milk, I'm taking my Netflix, I'm not letting you wear my pants. I'm pissing on your bed. Yeah, exactly. Make it a battle. For a reasonable thing. That's always the thing to do in these disputes, man. Make it a battle, man. Make it tit for tat, make it, make it worse. Uh I can actually tell you the results. Ooh, okay, okay. What percentage of people do you think that Ronnie is guilty? What percentage of Guardian readers? So, uh, for the American friends, very left-leaning uh broadsheet newspaper is The Guardian. What percent said he was guilty? This is 80 plus. Uh, I'm gonna go with like 80. I'll go with 87%. 87%, Stumpy has said. Have your number uh in mind now. I'm gonna send you the screenshot, Stumpy, for dramatic effect, and then we can bugger off. Ready? This is the actual answer.
SPEAKER_01Wow! 99% said Ronnie is guilty.
SPEAKER_00There you go. Absolutely done. That is completely. And that's the T. Although I believe. Although I believe in a court of law, it's not 100%. So actually he'd walk innocent, right? Because you need to know. So he's after all that, Ronnie is innocent. Uh, next week, if we do this again next week, we've got you be the judge. Should my partner stop leaving the windows and doors open? So that'll be a fun one. Oh, I like leaving windows and doors open. There you go. So we will see. That's fun. Thank you, everybody, for listening to officially. Unofficially. Best podcast on the Blooming Intimate. Make sure that you drop a comment, drop a follow, drop a like, do all of those things. Just say I really enjoyed this episode of OU Smiley Face. That'd be very appreciated. For episode number 36. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Buy me. Yeah. Enjoy. I know. Thanks all. Goodbye.