You Didn’t Lose Yourself — You Learned It Was Safer Not to Trust Yourself

Have you ever found yourself second-guessing your decisions… even when you used to feel confident and sure?

In this episode of Wellness Within Her, Jeri explores the deeper truth behind self-trust—and why so many women feel disconnected from their own voice.

This isn’t about confidence.

It’s about perspective.

Through personal storytelling, emotional insight, and practical reflection, Jeri walks you through how self-trust is quietly shaped over time—and how it can be rebuilt through small, honest choices.

You’ll learn:

✔ Why you didn’t lose trust in yourself—you adapted

✔ How perspective determines whether you listen to yourself or override yourself

✔ The hidden reason self-trust erodes over time

✔ How your nervous system reveals what you believe is “allowed”

✔ A powerful $100 exercise that exposes your internal patterns

✔ Simple ways to begin rebuilding trust—without pressure or perfection

This episode also includes a guided grounding moment and reflective questions to help you reconnect with yourself in real time.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or unsure of your own voice…

this episode will meet you exactly where you are.

✨ Ready to go deeper?

Book your free 60-minute clarity session with Jeri and start rebuilding trust with yourself from the inside out at lakeshorelifecoach.com.

Thanks for being here on Wellness Within Her. Remember, this chapter matters, your story matters, and the wellness God placed within you is enough. If you’d like to explore personal growth, healing, and purpose with me one on one, you can connect with me at lakeshorelifecoach.com.  Behind every smile is a woman carrying a weight she shouldn’t have to bear—let’s speak honestly, share vulnerably, and lift that weight together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello and welcome back to Wellness Within Her. Have you ever found yourself second-guessing something that used to feel it used to feel like so secure about? Not because you don't know, but because somewhere along the way you stopped trusting yourself. And if you're really honest, you started trusting everyone else's voice more than your own. And today I want to talk about something deeper than confidence. I want to talk about self-trust. And the one thing most people never realize is quietly shaping your self-trust is your perspective. Because self-trust isn't something you either have or you don't have. It's something that's formed. And today we're going to start just gently start rebuilding it. So before we go any further, I want to name something clearly because if this isn't clear, the rest of it really won't land. Rebuilding trust with yourself is not about forcing confidence. Okay? It's about rethinking the perspective that taught you when it was safer not to trust yourself. So perspective is a story that decides whether we're going to listen to ourselves or override ourselves. And over time, that story becomes trust or distrust. So most women think I just need to be more confident. And that's not actually true because you don't lose yourself overnight. You don't lose that trust overnight in yourself. You start to lose it slowly. You lose it when you're being responsible, being pretty much the one that people rely on, and people, you know, you're the one that kind of keeps the peace between people. You're the one, you know, you're not wanting to always get it wrong at all. You don't want to disappoint anyone. And somewhere along the way, you got really, really good at thinking your way through life, but not always listening to yourself, your gut, that inner instinct that we have. So for me, this became painfully clear during my husband's alcoholism. And he's sober 15 years, which glory be to God for that. But during that time, I didn't lose self, I didn't lose trust in myself because I was weak. I lost trust because my perspective kept telling me it was safer to believe him than to believe my own gut. So if he was telling me, you know, like, I'm not even drinking, you know, I wanted to trust what he said, even though my gut said, I know you're drinking. And if I was being told, you know, oh, you're being too sensitive, you're too overdramatic, or the classic one, and even from some of my friends back then was you just don't drink that much, so you don't understand what he's drinking, isn't that much. Or you're reading into this too much, you're just assuming things. And then I worked on myself, and it still felt like things were off. But even though my gut told me something was off, I ignored it. So every time I ignored what I felt, my trust in myself weakened. And if you've ever been in something like that, like you know exactly what I mean. You feel something is off. I've even had it when friends tell me a story, and I'm like, mmm, something feels off about that. Like, I don't think that's completely the truth. And I don't think they're trying to hurt me, but I always question a little bit more, why aren't you telling me the truth? You know, but sometimes when that happens, you talk yourself out of it, right? You're gonna justify it, you kind of explain, you minimize, and eventually you stop checking in with yourself altogether. And that's how self-trust just starts to erode. It's not one big moment, but it's hundreds of little moments that you override yourself. And here's what changed everything for me. The moment I was allowed, I allowed my experience to be valid, to be true, even when it was uncomfortable, my perspective started to shift. And when my perspective changed, my trust slowly started to return. It returned every time I said to myself, if I'm upset and someone's telling me I shouldn't be, that's a them problem. Because I am allowed to be upset. My feelings matter, and I'm gonna trust my gut. So most women don't stop trusting themselves, like I said, because they failed. They stopped because it just felt safer at the time. It definitely feels safer to keep the peace. It feels safer for me sometimes just to stay busy. It feels safer sometimes not to feel too much because I don't always want to, you know, I don't want to be too much for people. I don't want to rock the boat, and I don't want to risk being wrong. And I want you to really hear this. You didn't actually lose yourself, you just adapted. Because this space isn't about fixing yourself, it's about remembering yourself, and when you don't do that by, you know, overthinking, we actually do that by reconnecting. So if you're listening right now, I really want you to just pause for a moment. We're just gonna go a little off, it's not off the subject, it's gonna fly in in just about five seconds later, but I want you to just try this grounding exercise because sometimes we're just way too in the future or way too in the past. We're not like in the present moment. So I want you just to practice this with me. Place your feet on the floor, take a slow breath in, and a slow breath out. Maybe place one hand on your chest, one hand on your stomach, whatever you feel comfortable. Another breath in, another breath out. Slow, slow, slow. And just notice. I don't want you to close your eyes. I want you to stay in that relaxed state and just look around wherever you are. Look for things. I want you to pick out three things that are red in your surroundings. Just count three things. And now I want you to have three things that are blue. And now find three things that are green. There's nothing you need to fix right now. Your body doesn't need to be corrected. It needs to be listened to. So this isn't about getting the right answer, it's about noticing your first answer. So I have some reflective questions, and I wanted you to ground yourself first before we dive into some of these questions. Again, just notice your first answer. It really matters your first answer. Don't overthink it. So just gently ask yourself you don't have to write this down, nothing is required of you. Where in my life do I feel the most overwhelmed right now? First answer. What am I constantly holding together? What role do I live in most? Is it mom, coworker, wife, friend, sister, grandma? What role do I live in most? And then this question I want you to really listen. Sit with this as your first answer. Who am I when I'm not being useful? Who am I? Who am I when I'm not being useful? So overwhelm is not a weakness. It just happens when your capacity has been exceeded for far too long. And grounding yourself and asking some of these really deep questions and just listening to the first answer can help with that overwhelm. Once you're answering some of these questions, I really do want to ask you, what am I carrying that isn't mine to carry anymore? What overwhelm am I carrying that isn't mine anymore? So finding where the trust broke, I have a couple more questions that will, I believe, lead you to this incredible answer. And again, the only person who can answer is yourself, and there is no right or wrong answer. Listen to the first answer that comes to your mind. When did I start second guessing myself? When signals did I ignore then? Because you're weak, it's just the capacity that you had. What signals did I ignore? And then what feels safer to you? Is listening inward or asking others? Which one feels safer to you? Do you feel safe when you're able to go inside and listen inward? Or does it feel safer to ask others? And then this question really matters. What happened the last time I trusted myself? What happened the last time I trusted myself? Because self-trust, it doesn't disappear randomly. It almost gets trained out of us. And what you just did right now, grounding yourself, becoming present, and answering some of these questions, what we just did, we just started listening to ourselves again. That deep inner self. That's the shift. Because trust is built through choices. So when you're feeling overwhelmed and so frustrated and just feeling like you don't have anything left, don't always trust. Well, this is what I normally do. I'm gonna binge, I'm gonna, you know, scroll on social media until I'm uh bored enough, or I'm gonna quick go do this or do that, or eat this, or don't eat that, whatever it is. It's built in your choices. So if you choose next time, I'm going to ground myself. I'm gonna look for the things in the room so that I can be present in my own body and start listening to me again and not the ways of the world. And here's the part that I think most women miss. Self-trust isn't rebuilt by thinking differently, it's rebuilt by making small, honest choices that shows your nervous system. Actually, I'm safe to listen to myself right now. I'm my safe space. Because trust doesn't live in your thoughts, it lives in your choices. What you say yes to, what you say no to, what you allow to happen in your life, and what you can stop tolerating. And perspective, perspective determines what feels allowed. So I want to show you how this actually works in real life a little bit more. I love to do this hundred dollar exercise with women, and it isn't about money. It's called the $100 exercise, but it's not, it's about what feels safe to choose. So we're gonna picture that I'm giving you $100 right now, just a $100 bill. What would you do with it? Again, first answer. Not the right answer, the first answer. What would you do with the $100 now? And just notice, just notice what your first answer is. Not the right answer. Don't automatically, I know you have a beautiful heart. And I know someone goes, Oh, I'd give it to somebody else. I'd get, I'd, I'd pay it forward. That's wonderful. That's beautiful. Don't come up with the right answer, come up with your answer. And if that is your answer, God bless you. And if it's not your answer, there's nothing wrong with you. Some, you know, some people might say, I'm gonna spend it on something practical. Someone is gonna say, right, I'm gonna spend it on something else, or I'm gonna save it, or I'm gonna invest in myself, or invest in someone else. But notice what answer felt easy, what answer felt justified, what answer felt uncomfortable or maybe indulgent? Here's what matters: the amount didn't change, only the story did, and that story is your perspective. So if spending on yourself feels excessive, that's actually not a money issue, that's a trust issue. So I'm gonna challenge you just a little bit deeper because this is a really, really tough subject to grasp, especially if you're in a place of not trusting yourself. So I had someone ask me this and I just love it. Does it matter where the $100 comes from? Do you create a perspective or a story based on where the $100 came from? So if you earn the $100, are you more likely to spend it on something like for the house or for the you know, repairs on your car or for your children? But if someone just freely gave you $100, are you more likely to get a massage or buy something to treat yourself? Just sit with this question. Why does that matter where the $100 came from? Again, it's not a money issue. Why does that matter where the $100 came from? The answer is actually a trust issue with yourself. So just pause and sit with the answer. This is about your nervous system revealing what it believes it's allowed. The trust you have for yourself based on your perspective of this $100. And a really important part of this story when I meet with women, when I did this in a women's group, $100 meant so many different things to different women. And one said, um, when I handed her the $100, she goes, Oh, this is a penny in my purse. Like $100 can't buy much with it lately. And the very next woman said, This $100 would feed my two children for a week. And another said, she doesn't trust herself, even carrying a $100 bill because she's so in fear of losing it. She would immediately run to the bank and put it into her checking account. And another said she doesn't trust people when she uses it to give her the correct change. That's why she doesn't want the $100. She'd rather have smaller bills. So you see how perspective and trust go hand in hand. So, like I said, it's your nervous system revealing what it believes is allowed. So, how do we rebuild trust in ourselves? Rebuilding self-trust begins when we start to allow ourselves to choose not just what feels responsible, but actually aligns with our well-being. Because every time you tell yourself, I'm too much, I'm not worth it, I shouldn't need that, I shouldn't buy that, your nervous system hears, I'm not safe to invest in. Again, we're not talking about money, trust cannot grow in that type of environment when you're not even safe to yourself. Trust is rebuilt when you become safe with yourself again. And out of everything that we talk about today, I really want to ask you what stood out to you today. Place a hand over your heart. What was the biggest part that stood out to you today? Keep that thought in your head and with your hand over your heart. I want you to just be able to sit quietly and say this out loud. I hear you. I trust you. I matter. You didn't lose yourself. You just learned it was safer not to listen. And you can learn something new now. Just one small honest choice at a time. You're not failing, you're growing. And I want you to remember when we talked about choices, you have a choice right now. You have a choice right now. You can find the moments in your day where you just pause, get grounded, and listen to yourself just to make a different choice. And I'm telling you, I understand how hard this is. Sometimes when we say, Oh, it's just a choice, you're acting like it's so easy just to flip a switch. Oh, hell no, I'm not saying that. Please, please, please don't make me into that. I am not saying that. I have been in place. Where my entire perspective had made myself not trust myself to even decide if I should live or die. I had to make a different choice. Because my life is not mine to take. It's God's. And I'm going to wait on him. I hear you, I trust you, and I matter. If this conversation hits something deeper in you, if you're realizing you've been overriding yourself for a long time, this is exactly the work I do with women. And you don't have to figure this out alone anymore. If you go to Lakeshore Life Coaching, you can do a free 60-minute clarity session where we're going to just gently walk through what this looks like in your life and what rebuilding trust can actually feel like. And as always, I am here for you. And I thank you so much for listening to Wellness Within Her today. God bless you.