Coming Home to Yourself: Why Strong Women Feel Disconnected

Have you ever felt like you’re doing everything right…
 but still feel disconnected from yourself?

In this powerful episode of Wellness Within Her, Jeri shares what it really means to come home to yourself—especially for women who are used to being strong, capable, and everything to everyone.

Because many women aren’t falling apart…
 they’re simply running on empty while still looking fine.

Over time, we learn to override our needs, push through exhaustion, and disconnect from our own voice—without even realizing it.

And while self-care has been the answer we’ve been given…
 for many women, it hasn’t created real, lasting change.

In this episode, Jeri introduces a deeper, more personal approach:
 ✨ Self-nurturing instead of surface-level self-care
 ✨ Learning to notice and respond to your needs in real time
 ✨ Rebuilding trust with yourself through small, everyday moments
 ✨ Letting go of the pressure to “fix” yourself

Through heartfelt stories, relatable examples, and simple shifts you can start today, this episode will help you reconnect with yourself—without needing to change your entire life.

If you’ve been feeling:

•  Disconnected, even when life looks fine 
•  Exhausted from always showing up for everyone else 
•  Like you’ve lost touch with yourself 

This is your invitation to come back.

💛 Not by doing more
 💛 Not by becoming someone new
 💛 But by gently returning to who you already are

Thanks for being here on Wellness Within Her. Remember, this chapter matters, your story matters, and the wellness God placed within you is enough. If you’d like to explore personal growth, healing, and purpose with me one on one, you can connect with me at lakeshorelifecoach.com.  Behind every smile is a woman carrying a weight she shouldn’t have to bear—let’s speak honestly, share vulnerably, and lift that weight together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, welcome to Wellness Within Her. You know, I haven't done a little bit of an introduction in myself in a while. So I'm Jerry Mollow. I have been married for 34 years. I am a mom to two amazing adult kids and a Nana to a very sweet almost four-year-old who just has my whole heart. I'm also an entrepreneur. I currently own four businesses, and I'm a certified life coach and a public speaker. And obviously, I host this wellness within her as well. The work I do with women is really centered around helping them come back to themselves in the middle of kind of full, busy, sometimes overwhelming lives. So today's episode, though, I want to start with a question that strong women are exceptionally good at lying about. How are you? Like, really? Not the, you know, I'm good, blessed but stressed, you know, a little tired but living the dream. Not that kind of answer. I mean the answer you would give if no one expected anything from you. It's that part of you that just can't be vulnerable yet. So, because if we're honest, you know, a lot of strong women are running on empty while looking completely fine. We have our hair done, we have our cute outfit, our calendar's full, people are relying on you. But internally we feel overstimulated or kind of overextended, or maybe you even feel emotionally exhausted and caring, you know, way more than anyone realizes. But here's the truth that no one says kind of out loud. Strong women don't fall apart publicly. We unravel privately. We we cry in cars, we sit in parking lots longer than necessary, we, you know, stare at our ceiling at 3 a.m. Like, oh cool, love this for me that I can't fall asleep. We hold it together everywhere that it matters, and then we fall apart where no one can see it. And the problem, like when you look fine, no one checks on you. And I want you to just ask yourself something kind of quietly. Am I actually okay? Or am I just functioning? Because there's a big difference. There was a season in my life where everything looked fine. My gosh, my marriage looked great, work couldn't be more successful, my family seemed strong and joyful, and I'm showing up like to everything, like volunteer of the year, and I'm smiling through all of it. Because from the outside, we had it all together, at least that's what it looked like, right? But from the inside, you know, our home life was my husband was an alcoholic. He was drinking every night in the garage, and I was massively codependent, and I was managing everything and kids and house and bills and emotions and like the peacekeeping, basically running like a full-time life, but I was totally living it with a part-time nervous system. And I remember thinking, I am so tired of being the strong one. And the thing is, I wasn't physically tired, I was soul tired. And somewhere in that I disappeared. And I'm so thankful for the work that we have done. My husband has been sober 15 years, and I have just done so much powerful work on myself as well. It's not perfect, it's always going to be a work in progress. But I always describe that version of me like a duck on a lake. Okay, on the surface, I was graceful and calm and peaceful, but underneath the water, I was kicking like I was training for the Olympics. And no one could see that. Not even me, fully. Like it's hard to see the picture when you're inside the frame. You can look like you're managing life and still be drowning in it. And I didn't want to share that with anyone because I thought everyone else had it all together, right? Comparison is such a killer. It must be that their lives were easier or you know, their marriages were healthier, or their homes were calmer. You know, their kids were literally like wrinkle-free perfect. I remember seeing some kids at my kids' school, and I thought, my gosh, your your family must iron everything. So I worked harder, I smiled bigger, and I did more, and I carried more because I just really truly thought if I can just keep everything looking okay, then maybe it will be okay. And then came a moment that really changed everything. I was in therapy with my husband, and we were there for like just talking about our kids and parenting as a team and things like that. And I just blurted out, my husband's an alcoholic. And he actually laughed and chuckled and said, No, I'm not. And the counselor looked at me and said, Well, if he's not ready to change, then we're gonna work on you. And I remember thinking, like, um, excuse me, I brought him here for you to fix him, right? You don't have to fix me. That wasn't my plan. That that's not what I was paying her for. But that truth, it cracked something open in me because I realized I could not control him, I could not fix everything, but I could take responsibility for my own life and my own peace. And here's what I learned about strong women with that. We don't break loudly, we don't erode quietly, we just keep going, and we just keep going and we just keep smiling until one day it shows up like resentment and brain fog, irritability, exhaustion, or emotional numbness. Like we just don't feel anything, and then we think, what is wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with you. You've just been strong for too long without any support. Like I said, strong women don't burn out dramatically, we burn out responsibly. We literally like schedule breakdowns. I remember thinking, okay, I can cry from 215 till like 225, but then I gotta go pick up groceries. I mean, seriously, because women that are strong, like we were capable and reliable and empathetic and high functioning. So then you do, you're right, you become the ones that handle everything, carry everything, fix everything, anticipate everything, but then somewhere along the way, we stop asking, what do I need, and only keep asking what needs to get done. And sometimes people that say what needs to get done, they call that maturity, leadership, love, faithfulness. I remember one uh client of mine even saying, Well, you do need to push through, you do need to be able to do this. But truthfully, sometimes it's just exhaustion in a cute outfit. And it really costs us. It costs us our nervous system, our health and well-being, and our patience and our joy, and it can cost us our relationships. Because sometimes when you're exhausted, you become smaller, but you become more reactive and less hopeful. Again, not none of this is because you don't care. It's actually just because we're depleted. Sometimes we care too much. You know, I've gotten so good at being strong that no one ever knows I'm tired. And sometimes that even includes me. So, so what do we do? Because hearing this and thinking, okay, yeah, that's me without knowing what to do just creates more overwhelm. So we're not gonna do that. And we're also not gonna blow up your life. Like, this isn't the time to make a big, massive decision. We want to make small, honest shifts that are gonna bring you back to yourself so that you can stop running on empty. My first suggestion is again just to name it. And if you've heard some of my podcasts, I truly believe this because I'm stop saying I'm fine, because I'm fine is the most socially acceptable way to abandon yourself. Start telling the truth. It is okay that if you are in a position where you're sitting there talking with someone that you trust and you care about, you can say, I'm overwhelmed. Today feels heavy, you know, right? I don't have the bandwidth for this, I don't have the capacity for today. I know it'll get better, but I just needed to get that out. Because what we tend to do is minimize it. We're feeling overwhelmed, we're feeling stressed, and then we say, Well, it's just a busy week. I'll be fine, it's not that bad. Meanwhile, your body is still like, um, hello, we're not fine. You can't support what you refuse to acknowledge. So if you want to give yourself some more support, name it and just acknowledge what's happening. You're not weak. The second suggestion I have for you, I call like mini check-ins. So you don't need an hour to do this, please. I don't want to do anything where it's like, oh my gosh, I need an hour to do this. No, I really need you to take 30 seconds. 30 seconds and just ask yourself, what am I holding right now? And truthfully, is it even mine? Because so many times we're exhausted and running on empty because we're carrying other people's moods, expectations, and stress. And just because you can carry it, just because I know you're strong enough to carry it, doesn't mean you're supposed to, because it doesn't belong to you. So here's a really easy example to think about. Let's say you walk in the house and your husband is just like, hi, you know, he's just quiet and he's kind of off. Your brain can immediately go to, oh my gosh, what happened today? Like, did I do something? Is he mad at me? What's going on with the kids? And without even realizing, you start adjusting yourself. You start to get more careful, you start to try to fix that energy. You're you're thinking you're walking on eggshells, but in that moment, if you do a mini check-in and you say, What am I holding right now? Oh, I'm holding his mood. Is that mine? No. And instead of carrying it, you let it stay where it belongs and you can go on with your day. You don't have to fix his mood. He is a grown man, he can do it. If he needs support, he'll ask. He's not asking. He's not putting down something and saying, please pick this up. You're picking it up without him putting it down. So the third suggestion is the stop over carrying. Because again, we don't just help, we overhelp. We fix things no one asked us to fix. We're taking responsibility for things that are not ours. We manage everyone, and then we end up exhausted. And I'm here to tell you, you are not Amazon Prime for emotional delivery. Loving yourself does not require you abandoning yourself. So I bought new walking shoes the other day, and my husband walked in and he's like, hey, I could use some of those too. Old me, like two years ago, me, not 15 years ago, me, two years ago, me, would have gotten out my iPad. I would have asked him, what color is he? What color of shoes does he want? What sizes he want for these? And I would have ordered him for him. That's not mine to carry. Like I said, he's a grown man. If he wants shoes, he can get them. Now, if he asked me, hey, could you help me order these? That's a different situation. If I have time, I'm more than happy to help. You can still be kind, but he didn't ask for help. So I don't need to carry that job. And the next day we were driving around doing errands, and he's like, hey, can we stop there? I'd like to get some new shoes. And he went in and bought his new shoes. He didn't need me to do it. He didn't ask me to do it. He's capable. Why did I feel like I needed to overcarry that? So the fourth step is actually like micro resets. And I'm telling you, this is where everything changes in life is these micro resets. Because most of us think the answer is, oh, someday I'm gonna slow down. You know, I'm 54. There's so many times people are like, you just wait. When you get in a couple years, when you retire, oh my gosh, life is gonna be so much easier. No, I want it easier now. Or someone might say, Oh, you need a vacation, or you should fix your schedule, or you know what, just get the perfect routine. But what if that's not it? What if the shift isn't in my big life changes? But maybe it's in the tiny moments where I stop abandoning myself throughout the day. So there is something called microcycling. And no, it's not another class I'm gonna ask you to add to your schedule. It's completely opposite, but I get it. Microcycling sounds like I just signed you up for a new exercise class. But it's learning how to come back to yourself in 30 seconds. Like before you open a text, okay? So you see your phone go off and you see the text, and a lot of times you can tell with your face, like you're rolling your eyes, like, oh, I don't want to hear from this person, and you already have that tightness in your stomach. Before you answer the text, even open it, just take a breath. And I love the breath that's through your nose. I don't have to count through your nose, and I want you to let it out through your mouth as if you're fogging up a mirror. So breathe in and then go like you're breathing onto a mirror to fog it up. When you start to feel yourself get frustrated, instead of pushing through, stop, unclench your jaw, put your feet on the ground, just ground yourself. Not because it's fixing everything, right? It's not gonna make the frustration go away, but it does reset your nervous system. And because for one moment you're not leaving yourself, right? You're actually self-nurturing, you're calming your body down, you're giving yourself some love and some pause. And those moments, oh my gosh, those microcycling moments add up. Maybe you have to do them 25 times in a day. It's only 30 seconds. But if that's what it takes to reset your nervous system, your life is going to change in these tiny little microcycling sessions. So the fifth part is to stay to have some safe spaces. And strong women, we need somewhere that we can be soft where we're not fixing, we're not leading, we're not holding it all together. And the answer to that comes in the answer in human connection. So that's where we find our safe space. How do you find a safe space? How do you find that human connection? Simply, it's about finding a person that has earned the right to hear your story, and that is a perfect quote from Brene Brown. She always says, find the person who has earned the right to hear your story. And I'm gonna tell you, it's like trying on jeans. It may take a couple tries to find the right fit, but connection is vital, it's absolutely vital in finding your safe space. And I'm gonna be honest with you, strength without support just becomes isolation. So a majority of the women that I talk to say I have a really hard time finding friendships. I don't have anyone that's truly like authentic with me. I'm not finding that, and but I'm so strong, and yet I feel like I'm so stuck and I'm so alone because strength without support will make you isolate. Please hear me with that. I know it's hard. I know women have hurt your heart. I know friendships have kicked your ass. But I'm here to tell you you can survive that. Just because it happened doesn't mean you're supposed to stop having friends. It's vital in finding your safe space, your safe people in your life. So, again, if you're sitting there thinking, well, I look fine, but I'm not fine, honestly. My answer is gonna be good. Good. That's honesty. That could be your first step. It's honesty, and honesty is where change begins. Because you are courageous to change enough. That's why you started listening to this episode today. You took the first step, right? You want more than what life has given you right now. Honesty is where changes begin. And again, coming to a place where you feel like you're running on empty, you're gonna heal that not by doing more, but by reconnecting to what you've been overriding. So you don't need to become a different woman. You don't need to try harder, you just need to stop carrying what was never yours to hold. And I have this really great way to gain some clarity. I have got these questions that really are a deep dive. Um, and I want to say this to you. Again, obviously, you're answering this privately. If you want to grab a piece of paper and a pen, feel free to just answer these questions any way you want. I use these questions daily. I really do. And hear me lovingly when I tell you this. Make your first answer enough. Don't overthink these questions. Your first thought, your first answer is enough because these questions that you can use daily can actually change. They're gonna change, the answers are gonna change as you change because every day you're changing. And every question, again, can just be one word. You don't have to write a novel. Be brief. Make your first answer enough. So the first question is one thing I can set down this week is write it down, think of it. One word, simple, quick. One thing I can set down this week. The second question is one way I can support my nervous system daily is first thoughts, first answer, leave it at that. One way I can support my nervous system. Maybe it's taking deep breaths, maybe it's going for a walk. Whatever was your first answer, write it down. The third question is, where am I currently overwhelmed? Where? What part of my life am I currently overwhelmed? One answer. The fourth question is, what do I need more of right now? Not what do I need to do more of? What do I need more of right now? Love, support, friends, chocolate, a nap. What do I need more of right now? The fifth question is what am I carrying that might not actually be mine to carry? What am I carrying that might not be mine to carry? My kids' happiness. Taking over things at work. What is it? Quick, quick answer. And the final question is Where do I look fine but feel exhausted inside? Where do I look fine but feel exhausted inside? Maybe it's at church, maybe it's at work, maybe it's with your best friend. Take these questions as a guide to just self-awareness to stop running on empty. So if something in these talks stirred something in you, if you're in a season where you're feeling overwhelmed and disconnected and caring a lot or just ready for things to feel lighter, this is the space for that. My next episode is gonna be called Coming Home to Yourself. And these two episodes work together. So please, please, please listen to the next one as well. This is the work that I do every week with women. Helping them move from overwhelmed and overcaring to just being more grounded and more clear about their life without having to blow up their lives. So I just want to thank you. Every week I love to thank you for being here and for showing up and just being honest with yourself as well. And for being women who are willing to grow gently and courageously. That's so important. And please remember, you don't have to do this alone. There are so many times in my life I thought I was alone. I thought the path I was walking was too shameful or too full of guilt to ever talk to anyone about it. And sometimes the shame and guilt is I'm a mom and I love my kids, but I'm so overwhelmed right now. That's not shameful, and that's not guilty to feel that way. And being able to find that safe space with someone is just being able to show up honestly and to be courageous, to know that you're willing to grow into places and areas of your life that you know need some growth and strength. Please remember you don't have to do this alone. And thank you so much for listening.