From Disconnected to Deeply Seen: Coming Back to Connection

Feeling disconnected is something many women experience—but rarely talk about openly.

In this episode of Wellness Within Her, Jeri Mallow shares a heartfelt and faith-centered message about what it means to feel unseen, unheard, and disconnected—and how to begin reconnecting with yourself, others, and God.

Through personal stories, humor, and practical tools, Jeri explores why disconnection happens, how past hurt can create emotional walls, and why true connection begins with understanding who you are in Christ.

If you’ve been struggling to feel connected in your relationships, your faith, or even within yourself, this episode will gently guide you back to truth, intention, and meaningful connection.

🎯 In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why we feel disconnected even when surrounded by people
• How past hurt impacts our ability to connect
• The importance of connecting with yourself before others
• What “correction before connection” really means
• Simple, practical ways to rebuild connection daily
• How faith and identity in Christ restore true connection

Thanks for being here on Wellness Within Her. Remember, this chapter matters, your story matters, and the wellness God placed within you is enough. If you’d like to explore personal growth, healing, and purpose with me one on one, you can connect with me at lakeshorelifecoach.com.  Behind every smile is a woman carrying a weight she shouldn’t have to bear—let’s speak honestly, share vulnerably, and lift that weight together.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Have you ever felt surrounded by people but still completely disconnected? Hi, welcome to Wellness Within Her. I'm Jerry Mollow. Have you felt like, you know, you're showing up, you're talking, you're doing life. But underneath it all, you feel unseen, unheard, maybe a little alone. And if that's you, I want you to know something right away. You're not the only one that feels this way. Because I just want to say this. I'm not here because I have all the answers. I don't have a podcast because I have all the answers. I'm here because I'm walking alongside of you. Because connection, it's something we all want. But so many of us quietly struggle with this. Again, I always ask, let's be honest for a second. How many of you have had a moment where you've thought, I just don't like people? Come on, we've all been there, like Christmas shopping, right? Two days before Christmas and all the crazy people that are out there. Uh, sometimes I think Starbucks at 7 a.m. when the person in front of me like changes their order five times, and I'm probably the one after that that does that. Sometimes standing in line somewhere thinking this person's looking at me, like, please don't talk to me, right? Please don't talk to me. I remember a lady in an aisle asking me to smell this candle if she thought it would go good in her kitchen. I'm like, I don't even know you. Like, why do I think I know what candle would go good in your kitchen? And yet, God created us for connection. And because we were created for connection, it's even when people make it really, really hard, right? Connection is not just being around other people. It's this, it's it's feeling seen, feeling heard, feeling known, feeling valued. And and let me ask you, who doesn't want that? Because here is where it gets real. We can't talk about connection without talking about disconnection first. Because disconnection shows up everywhere. Disconnection happened when, for me, friendships hurt me completely. I disconnected, I didn't want any other friends. Disconnection can be when marriage feels like you're just roommates, or when the kids are growing up and they're just needing you less. Disconnection sometimes happens in work environments where you don't feel respected or heard or valued. And sometimes it's not just situational, it becomes internal. So when we've been hurt in connection, we start naturally just protecting ourselves from it. Walls tend to go up, and and we tell ourselves, well, I just can't do this again. So when I was researching this podcast, I sent out some texts asking some of my acquaintances this question: Why are you feeling disconnected? And this is what they said. The first one said, I just can't do it anymore. I have put myself out there and I have been hurt, like really hurt, and I just don't trust people easily. Someone else said, I feel myself putting up a wall with new people. Like I can't authentically be me. I don't know if I can take another heartache if I get rejected. And someone else said, I feel more fake around people than me because I'm fearful of the hurt I'm gonna feel again if I show them who I really am. And another one said, I'm tired of feeling judged, not good enough, and even dismissed by people who claim to have been loyal to me. So disconnection isn't about people, it's about what we've experienced with people. And I know I have felt all those feelings. For me, I find that it's because I'm connecting myself to the wrong things, and I'm forgetting who I am and who I belong to. So, Brene Brown, who is the queen, queen of connection and vulnerable conversations, she says this about connection. I just love it. She says, our connection with other people is only as solid and deep as our connection to ourselves. And in order for me to be connected to you, I have to know who I am. And I have to be connected to myself. And I think that what we end up doing is we end up desperately searching for connection with other people when we have no idea who we are. She's amazing, isn't she? So before we try to connect outwardly, we have to come back inwardly. And to me, I have to go upward. I have to go upward to my savior. So one day I was arguing with my husband, and of course, we argue over the same things we always argue over, and we were exhausted, worn down. We felt hopeless, pretty disconnected. And let me tell you, we have read hundreds of books on marriage. We have done counseling individually and as couples, we've been to marriage retreats, we've even done private marriage intensive, sometimes even out of state. We are educated, we're knowledgeable, and we have our hearts set truly in the right place. But at that moment, I said to my husband, we know what to do. We just need to do it. And I really believe that God brought that phase to phrase to me because show me what you know, right? Show God what you know. So I just turned around and I said, I need to go write some things down. And I wrote these words. What do I know? I know that God loves me. I know he will never leave me. I know he keeps me safe, he keeps me fearless, he keeps his promises. I know God sees me right now and he feels the pain I'm in. I know he is my savior, I know he's good, and I know his plan for me is good. And he will fight for me, and I can trust in him. And many times I say what I know, yet I don't show him who I am. And sometimes I declare who I'm not, like I can't do this. I'm such a failure. No one cares about me or thinks about me, right? So I just have to say, stop. Because not only is your brain hearing this when you talk about yourself and it's believing it, so is the devil. So declare what you know is true. Even if that moment, right at that moment, it is so hard to believe what you know is true. Just declare it. So, how do I show God that? I started doing this because I need simple, I need grounded, I need doable, I don't need another big process. Okay, I don't need another 15 steps in order to get something. I need something simple. So honestly, I set a timer and I don't use the timer on my phone. I don't because I have to use these good old-fashioned timers because before you know it, if I pick up my phone, I'm on Amazon. I'm ordering a kitchen tool, I will never use. And so sometimes I just get that old fashion timer. I have one from my granddaughter I use. I sometimes even use this old-fashioned sand timer I have, but I practice five minutes. So I practice five minutes of stillness, five minutes of prayer, five minutes to read some scripture. I literally open up my Bible randomly and just read for five minutes, and then I take five minutes of connection with someone else. So let's get down to like some examples. Okay, so stillness. I just sit and breathe quietly, patiently. I I test sometimes my senses to make me more present. What am I hearing? What am I tasting? What am I feeling? And that's that's not emotions, actually. I'm talking about tangible. What am I feeling? What am I what does my shirt feel like? What does the chair feel like? And then I go, what am I seeing? What am I smelling? It's actually gonna ground you in the present moment. And before you know it, those five minutes are gone. And that was your first step already. Just be still for five minutes. So the other part can be breathing. You can do a breathing technique for five minutes, just take that as your stillness for five minutes. Then I do my prayer for five minutes. Now I'm gonna tell you, I've never read the Bible completely. Okay. I don't need to be scripted, I'm not gonna judge myself, I'm just gonna talk to God. So I want you to imagine him right in front of you and you're holding hands, you're waiting to hear from him, but he's waiting to hear from you and only you right now. So he's saying, My dear one, tell me, tell me what's literally on your heart. Because he knows it already, but he wants to connect with you in that. He wants you to say it to him. Just pray, whatever comes to mind. Sometimes I'm saying, I pray the five minutes goes fast because I'm just not present. Tell God how impatient you are. The next five minutes are reading scripture. So I can open up my Bible app, I can open up my Bible, I can do anything like that, read for five minutes. There is something that I do, and I've mentioned it in other podcasts before, but I do open up my Pinterest. I open up my Pinterest, I have a prayer board, and I love to go through all the prayers that I have pinned. Sometimes I even just put in the search engine, give me five minutes, five-minute Bible studies, something like that. I don't have plans, I don't have a routine, I just read. Sometimes I even say, Lord, bring me to what you want me to read today. And even if it's like, I don't understand that at all, who knows? That's what he needed me to read that day. It's just simple time in the Bible. I don't have to make this so scheduled and so proper and make sure I'm reading it and understanding it and finding out what the Latin word is for that. Like I just want some simple five minutes with my my God. And then I notice once I'm done reading the scriptures, does someone pop into my head, I'm gonna reach out to that person. I'm gonna ask them how they are. I'm just gonna check in. I'm just gonna tell them I'm thinking of them. Okay? Just simple five minutes to connect with someone else. They may not reach back, they may reach back to you later on. Might not take you five minutes, but just try to connect with someone. Make it authentic. Don't send it to somebody and be like, oh yeah, that's right. I owe her $10. Oh, I was totally thinking of you. And how like whoever pops into your head, make it authentic. Right? Just make it authentic. Because maybe it's even more on some days. Like maybe you want to ask them, do you want to go for a walk? Do you want to get coffee? Or do you have time to talk on the phone? Oh, the phone, um, it actually is something really cool. You can punch numbers into it and hear people. I joke about it because last week I actually texted one and said, I texted a friend of mine and said, Hey, can I call you soon? And she's like, Um, can you? Are your fingers broken? But I was literally asking her, like, are you available to talk? But I get how she took it when I just say, Hey, can I call you? I remember a teacher telling me when I was like, Can I go to the bathroom? She's like, I don't know, can you? Can you go? Yes, may I go, right? So show him what you know and then show him that you know it. Correction before connection. Correct yourself and then connect. Get in that right frame of mind. Just check yourself in those moments of the disconnection and say, hey, hey, hey, hey, I am worth a pause. So, you know, I want to be honest again. Sometimes I don't want to connect. Sometimes I'm tired. Sometimes I'm hurt. Sometimes I'm done. Sometimes it's as simple as I talk all day at work. Connection isn't always easy, but it's always healing. So how do we connect? Well, I connect in Walmart, of course. I actually have a really great Walmart story. Um, and it was, it was in a moment where I knew I had to connect because I'm gonna tell you, sometimes when I walk in the store, I put my phone up to my ear pretending like I'm talking to somebody, and I'm not. It's just because I want to go in the store and get the one thing without seeing anyone, and I don't want to talk to anybody. That is how disconnection has become so comfortable for me. Okay. So I'm in Walmart. I'm walking down aisle six. I don't have my phone to my ear, and I saw a man using an electric scooter cart thing. And and at on to be honest, I was a little uneasy. Okay. He seemed to be struggling, but I thought, you know what? Jesus literally is talking to my heart right now. He's saying, connect with people. Go back to saying hi to people. Like, just say hi, try to connect. Maybe he needs some help of some sort. So I walked up and I'm like, Hi, how are you doing today? And he sternly looked at me and he said, Well, I haven't killed anyone today, so I guess I'm doing good. And I was like, Okay, God's blessings to you. And I literally backed up the entire aisle six. So I didn't connect that time, but I did try. I did try because connection, it doesn't always land, but it always matters. It always matters that you tried. Not everyone is gonna be your safe space, and that's okay. So, how do you know who to trust and who to be vulnerable with, right? How do you know that? I'm gonna go back to Brene Brown because she says, you share with people who have earned the right to hear your story. You have to earn the right to hear my story. It's an honor to hold space for me when I'm in shame and invulnerable. If we have two or more people in our lives who can sit with us and hold space for our shame stories and love us through our strengths and our struggles, we're incredibly lucky. And I love how she says that. The first time I heard, you know, you have to share with people who have earned the right to hear your story. I don't know if it's just my old upbringing or what of the, you know, who do you think you are? You're so special. But it's not if that they are good enough to hear your story, it's that they've earned it. And there's nothing wrong with saying in friendship, both friends have to earn the right to be the other's friend. They have to hold space for our shame stories, and we have to hold space for theirs. And they need to love us in our strengths and our struggles. I love one time Brene Brown was telling a story where she went to a friend and she actually said, I lied, I lied to you about something. And the friend said, I love you. Don't ever do it again. They love us in our strengths and our struggles. That's truly what makes you incredibly lucky. And sometimes, you know, I think when I was younger, I tried so hard and I and I wanted to end up with hundreds of friends, yet not many safe space friends. And I remind others all the time when you're considering carrying your wallet, would you rather have a hundred pennies in it or would you rather have four quarters? I've learned I don't need a hundred friends, but I am just blessed to have one, even one safe friend, one quarter. That one friend can be your safe space to connect and to share. So I would much rather have four quarters in my wallet. And I'm telling you, sometimes it's not always the same four people. That can change based on number of things in life. Doesn't mean anyone did anything wrong, it just can change. So before sharing too with people, gauge if the other person has the capacity to truly listen and validate what you're saying and that they're eager to support you. So if you share like something like, you know, hey, I'm really struggling with, you know, maybe my self-esteem lately, and I I feel not good enough a lot of the times. I'm really having a hard time. A friend who is capable, a person who's capable, is gonna respond. That sounds like a lot. That sounds like a lot. I bet you your heart's overwhelmed. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you know what? I've got your back. I'm here to listen. So she's not there to solve your problem or to like take away your sad feelings. She's just there to hold safe space for you, to like share and to hear for her to like hear you and to listen and to support and know that you're not alone. Again, I'm walking with you on this journey because I'm telling you, there are so many times um I am learning this conversational framework too. I totally am. You are not alone in this, my dear, dear friend. So a person who might not be capable, because everyone's capable of change, but some people are just not doing it right now. They may say when you say something like that, they may say, Oh man, I feel bad for you. Or how could you have low self-esteem? Like you have so many blessings. You have it better than so many others, or the worst, they just change the subject. It's not that you made a mistake opening up to them. Please remind yourself of that because if you feel like you've made a mistake, your wall's gonna go up. Remind yourself they're just not capable right now. Again, everyone's capable of change. They're just not capable right now of hearing what you're saying. So don't give up. Try again. Be proud that you tried and also realize they didn't earn the right to hear your story. They didn't honor what you wanted to say. It doesn't make them a bad person, it just makes them not capable right now of handling what you want to talk about. And you want to find somebody who's capable of that. So I've heard this before a number of times in my sessions with women. How do I find a friend? Especially in my 50s. I hear this a lot from other people that are in their 50s as well, and and sometimes even their 60s. I don't know how to find a friend anymore. And I get it because it's not as easy as it sounds, right? Um, I've even had it where my daughter is 32 now, I think, and she has said it is difficult. It's difficult to find a friend. So maybe it is something that's at every age, but when I say it's not as easy as it sounds, I just want to say again, in order to connect, you have to correct yourself. Okay, so you have to correct yourself and then you're able to connect. So correct yourself sometimes means we have to change our mindset in friendships, okay? So some of the great things that I like to try, of course, volunteering. Okay, I'm talking about an hour, two hours, even if it's a month. So let's decide you, let's say you decide to volunteer, like, I don't know, at a church. So you look over the list of needs and they have a child care opening that speaks to you, and you're thinking, yeah, you don't get to see your grandkids as much. Maybe this would be perfect. But odds are the people that you meet also have a love for that for kids and for just being able to share with them for an hour. And you can connect in that. Maybe they'll start talking about their grandkids as well and how they miss them not being so close. So I want to tell you, I volunteered as a photographer for the musicals at my kids' elementary school once. And I'm telling you, I signed up. I had zero experience in taking pictures, actually. But I I love being creative. And remember, this was back. I mean, my kids are 32 and 28. So when they were in elementary school, we weren't taking pictures with our phones, believe it or not. So I still had to get my good old fashioned camera out, and I had no idea what I was doing. But what it did is it put me in a situation where I got to meet the best people who were also just absolutely loving the fact that they could be creative. So I got to meet some of the volunteers that were doing set design and costume design and even some makeup artists and a really great group of people that I had connections with for many years. And again, all of them were volunteers. This was just an elementary school. None of us knew what we were doing. And that was great to connect even with that. So I at um I go to Northbrook Church in Richfield, Wisconsin, and they have life groups there. And those are truly connecting to me. So even if I I prefer to lead them and facilitate them, I just love being able to let women know they're not alone in whatever subject we're talking about. But I've truly lost count on how many I've led and how many I've taken as well. But I'm also in a life group on Sunday with other couples. And it's just wonderful feeling to walk into a church and my church is really, really big. So you can get lost in there. But when you start to see people that you know that maybe you met in life group, and you know those are groups that can be vulnerable and open, and just knowing that you see them, you feel more accepted, you feel more connected in that. Being able to say, hey, hi Mary, how are you doing? You know, I think that's a really great way to connect. There's also moms groups, and I'm telling you, I've met some of the best women I'm still friends with right now. Two of them have even left the church to go to different churches, and I'm still connected with them. So it's a great, great way to have connection. Another way is to start a book club, okay? So ask eight to ten people to read a book and later discuss it. And you can do that at a coffee shop. You don't have to always welcome people into your home if you're feeling a little bit less capable of that right now. But I moved into a neighborhood about six years ago. It was a brand new neighborhood, and I joined um their book club, and it's really incredible. But are you ready for this? I joined and I don't read fiction novels. Nope. I love to read research books, I love to read self-help, kind of teach me, fix me. That's the kind of reader I am. I actually really wish I could go into a college um bookstore and just buy instructional manuals. Like I love how they're teaching anything that has to do with psychology and um the bare the brain. I just love it. But you know what? I put myself out there. I took a risk, I was super vulnerable, and I now read books outside of my comfort zone, and I really, really enjoy it. I'm meeting people I would have never met in my neighborhood. I have created connections that are so joy-filled, and I am just absolutely loving it. And I'm gonna tell you about somebody just texted me today and said, You're really a bad book clubber. Because I really do only read like 50% of the books, but I'm actually reading other books at the same time. And get this, I have celiac ecstasy, so a lot of times I can't even go for the snacks. So that will tell you 100%, I am there for the connection. Okay. But I'm gonna give you an example of how book club goes for me. So someone picked out a book, and this was like, I don't know, maybe three years ago already. And it was remarkably bright creatures. And they first told me about the book. I'd never heard of it before, and they said, Oh, it's a book about an octopus who creates a friendship with an elderly custodian woman at an aquarium, and I had to physically not make my eyes roll because I thought, are you kidding me? I'm not reading a book about an octopus, but I did it, and it's one of my favorite books. It was so amazing. In fact, yesterday I just watched the movie because it just came out, and the discussions opened up such a great, vulnerable moment and just connected with people. And now I want an octopus for a friend.

unknown 26:13

I really do.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

He's gonna be my safe space friend. I think he's capable of it. So I'm gonna let you know how that works out. But another way to connect, I took from my friend Kim, and she posted this like probably four or five years ago on Facebook. She posted a thing that said, dear friends, I'm gonna actually take a break from all of social media because I want to connect in person face to face. So if you have my phone number in your phone, please reach out and let's connect with each other. I texted her. We actually went to high school together for a few years, but I had seen her a couple times since then. But I texted her and we met. And let me tell you, it was awesome. She said she received 10 messages. She had already done three coffee dates in a week. So she takes 10 to 15 minutes after her chats with these friends, and she writes in the journal, in her journal, these key points that they talked about, and then adds what their prayer requests are and then prays for them. It was so refreshing to see her just take this risk and connect. And it was it was wonderful. The connection really strengthened my soul because it is for us to embrace connection and not run from it, no matter how many times you just say you don't like people. Brene Brown also says connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it, there is suffering. And I also love how she says staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection. Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued, when they can give and receive without judgment, and when they derive sustenance and strength from that relationship, we are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, be loved, and to belong. And then she says, when those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to be. We break, we fall apart, we numb, we ache. The absence of love and belonging will always lead to suffering. Love is beautiful when it's professed, but it's only meaningful when it's practiced. Again, that was completely from Brene Brown. And a deeper truth to me is looking to my savior that Jesus didn't speak to the crowds all the time. He connected one-on-one. He saw people, he called one woman daughter, even in her shame. Jesus didn't avoid broken people, he actually moved towards them. So if you're feeling disconnected right now, you don't have to fix everything. I've said this before, we're not broken. You don't have to become someone new, you don't have to transform your life. You just need to come back correct gently and connect intentionally. When you choose to ease the loneliness in someone else, you'll feel it begin to ease in you too. You're not alone and you're seen and you are so deeply loved and connection, that's what's available to you. This is the work that I do with women every week, not to fix you, but to help you come back, helping you understand what you're carrying, why it feels the way it does, and how to move through it in a way that actually feels grounded and true. So if you're in a season where you're feeling unseen, disconnected, or just tired of holding it all together on your own, I do offer free clarity sessions, just a real conversation, just a space for you to be honest about where you are, what your needs are. So you'll be able to find a link in the show's description, how you can contact me. And if nothing else, just take one small step this week towards pausing and doing one of those five-minute routines. What that's going to do is it's going to move you toward yourself. I just thank you so much for listening. It really warms my heart. I just reached over a thousand downloads, and I'm telling you, I do sit here in front of a microphone thinking I'm just by myself. And when I see that thousand downloads, I am just absolutely blown away that you are here every week, ready to listen and ready to grow, and ready to just come home to yourself. So thank you, dear friend. We'll see you next time.