Kindergarten Class Pet w/ Jerzy Gwiazdowski

This is not a mistake. Episodes are now going to come out on Thursdays. It just works better for me, ok? Lets not make this a thing.

Also Jordan's brother Jerzy is on to hang out but this isn't his official guest episode, so chill about that too.

Oh yeah... "John Kimball has spent the last 30 years unlearning the violence that being a cop on the mean streets of LA taught him. But his last day as a teacher has one final lesson for him... written in blood."

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Okay, so the lore of the show is you love Jason Bateman and you hate Walt Walton Goggins and Jim Henson.

SPEAKER_08 0:06

I was originally I was thinking about starting this episode off with some Walton Goggins hate already. Because I saw another Walmart commercial for him. Oh yeah, those are like really hard to watch. It's the one where he's like talking to a horse and he's like, they don't know who you are, but I know who you are. Oh, this poor guy. And Walmart knows who you are.

SPEAKER_07 0:26

Getting his fucking money after decades of being a working character actor. And as soon as he just gets a little taste, Jordan is just ready to take him down.

SPEAKER_08 0:37

I just think it's so funny that like we're selling to America that Billy Bob Thornton and Walton Goggins are somehow like the blue-collar every man when they are probably the most like radical. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 0:50

Billy Bob Thornton, you know, we know we all know why. We know why. Okay. And he's if he drives and he's talking on his phone, they don't even have to say it. We know what he's doing. And everybody that watches those shows is like, yes, that's my guy, and I'm with him.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Yeah, you know, he's gonna bring Dude, we're it's making drinking and driving acceptable again.

SPEAKER_07 1:12

Oh god, this is the best show.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Yeah, yeah. Jordan really hates the Wong Goggins thing. Um I even forgot he was like the Grinch too in the Grinch ads.

SPEAKER_07 1:20

Yeah, he did the Grinch and the Grinch ads, but he was, you know, vice principals. He's great. He's in all he's always like a cowboy. He's been doing shit forever.

SPEAKER_08 1:29

He's unjustified. I know, I like him doing good shit. I don't like seeing him in commercials. So you just hate honest livings. No, that's I don't think that's an honest living. I think he's getting his nut, and then he's also getting more nut on top of it, which is nut that other actors should be able to get.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

You're just jealous that you're not getting that nut. I am, of course I am.

SPEAKER_06 1:50

Yeah, you want to be gogging on that thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:55

Um, look at this. I've got outstanding approval odds for a car loan. Great. Kindergarten class pet. From the twisted mind of Danny DeVito. We begin surrounded by trees and hearing the oppressive din of nature, leaves rustling, birds chirping, bugs buzzing. Then, the sound of a class bell and the shouting and joy of small children as they head out for recess. We pan away from the trees and see we are on the edge of the woods just off the playground of a large elementary school. We see children funneling out of classroom doors and onto the playground. We focus on this year's kindergarten class as they spill out, waist high past their teacher, Mr. John Kimball, smiling at attention and aged fantastically. He has lived a good life well. He calls after the children. It is both an order and a promise.

SPEAKER_04 2:51

Have fun. Stay in my line of sight. If I can't see you, I will find you.

SPEAKER_08 2:58

He watches the children play. There is something on his mind. Cut to Interior Cafetorium early evening. Kimball sits amongst a group of other teachers at a mandated presentation. A plainclothes cop stands in front of them holding a handgun. During all of this action, we mostly focus on Kimball, who seems very uninterested.

SPEAKER_07 3:16

Your training is mandated by federal law, and by the end of the month, each of you will be required to have taken and passed a basic firearms usage and safety course.

SPEAKER_08 3:25

A Nebish teacher raises their hand. Will we be reimbursed for the courses?

SPEAKER_07 3:32

That varies state by state, but luckily Oregon is working on legislation to help alleviate some of the cost to you.

SPEAKER_08 3:39

Some of the cost?

SPEAKER_07 3:40

And if I refuse to keep a gun in my classroom?

SPEAKER_08 3:43

Kimball stands up and moves through a row of sitting teachers.

SPEAKER_07 3:46

Then you will no longer be permitted to teach in a public school in the United States.

SPEAKER_08 3:50

There is a general murmur throughout the room. Kimball moves past two teachers whispering to each other about a mutual friend who moved into the private sector two years ago. A balding history teacher in a too-tight polo, Mr. Vance stands up.

SPEAKER_05 4:03

Listen, this this is about protecting the children. If you're too scared to learn how to safely use a firearm in an active shooter situation, then maybe you shouldn't be a teacher. Kimball passes Vance as he is heading to the auditorium doors. Kimball, you agree, right? I mean this guy is the playground punisher, the Terminator Teacher, the kindergarten.

SPEAKER_08 4:22

Kimball is out the doors before Vance can finish his sentence. In the hallway, Kimball takes a moment to breathe. Seconds later, the doors open behind him, and Joyce Kimball, his wife and the superintendent, comes out. John. You know how I feel about this. She walks up to him and runs her fingers through his hair before kissing him softly on the cheek. I need you to lead by example. I will. He walks down the hallway and out into the night. Joyce stands watching her husband, caught between his convictions and her job. Cut to Interior Kindergarten Classroom one month later. Kimball is standing in front of his students and they are going over numbers. A boy in overalls interrupts the lesson.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Mr. Kimball?

SPEAKER_08 5:05

Uh uh, raise your hand.

SPEAKER_04 5:07

The boy raises his hand. Yes, Ashton.

SPEAKER_01 5:10

I have to go to the bathroom.

SPEAKER_04 5:12

Ah, okay. Everyone, I'm going to take Ashton to the bathroom. It's creativity time while I'm gone. But I want you to try and use numbers in what you make. Can you do that for me?

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Yes, Mr. Kimball.

SPEAKER_04 5:29

Very good. Alright, Ashton. Come with me.

SPEAKER_08 5:32

Kimball leads Ashton out of the class and down the hallway to the bathroom. As he waits outside for Ashton to go, Kimball sees into Mr. Vance's room. His students are in gym class, so he is alone, pretending to wield a gun like a secret agent. Vance does a spin and poses like Charlie's angels, then catches Kimball watching. For a moment he is embarrassed but then composes himself and gives Kimball a white guy head nod. Ashton comes out of the bathroom and reaches for Kimball's hand. Did you wash your hands?

SPEAKER_01 5:59

I only took a number one.

SPEAKER_08 6:02

Ashton. Suddenly the scream of a child from Kimball's classroom. Kimball switches almost automatically into cop mode. Stay here. Don't move. He moves with the swiftness down the hallway while instinctively reaching inside of his jacket for his sidearm. An instinct from a lifetime ago, and the lack of a firearm brings him back to reality. He pauses outside the classroom with his back against the wall, listening for any other noises of trouble. But only one thing can be heard. A child crying. He peeks into the room and sees the children gathered around the pet tanks and cages. A little girl is sitting on the floor crying. Ashton! Come here! Ashton rejoins Kimball and the two walk into the classroom. What's going on? Is everyone alright? The crowd of children separate and reveal the inside of the ferret enclosure. One of the ferrets has died. These are Kimball's ferrets. He feels the loss but understands his responsibility to the children comes first. He leans down and picks up the crying girl.

SPEAKER_04 7:02

Hey, hey. It's okay. Alright, everyone. Let's take a seat in the nap zone and have a talk.

SPEAKER_08 7:10

Cut two. Interior nap zone. Moments later. Kimball is seated in front of his class.

SPEAKER_04 7:16

Let's all take a breath together, alright? Breathe in. One, two, three. Breathe out. Three, two, one. Good. Let's do that one more time. Breathe in. Out. Sometimes animals get very, very tired. And when they get that tired, their bodies stop working. A cute kid raises their hand.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

They die?

SPEAKER_04 7:54

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

They die. At my dad's birthday, my uncle started shouting he was never gonna die. My mom asked him to leave. Well, sadly, Pickles died.

SPEAKER_04 8:06

And it's okay to be sad. I feel sad. He was my ferret. When we care about something, we feel sad when it's gone. But if you're feeling scared or upset, you should know that for pickles, it is just like he is sleeping. He isn't hurting. He isn't scared.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Is he dreaming?

SPEAKER_04 8:30

Maybe.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

I'm gonna miss pickles.

SPEAKER_04 8:33

That's good. It might feel bad or sad at first, but we can remember pickles together. What he liked, how he played, all the little things that made him special. Even though he is gone, our memories of him won't go away. And if those feelings ever don't feel so nice, they feel too big. So big it feels like they fill up your whole body. It can feel confusing or a little scary. Remember to breathe. Take a few seconds and take a breath. It helps to remind your body I'm okay. I'm right here. Kimball takes a deep breath.

SPEAKER_08 9:17

Now does anyone have any more questions? Every child's hand shoots up. Kimball is delighted by the constant curiosity of youth and laughs with tears welling in his eyes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Cut to Exterior Astoria Road Day. A van emblazoned with the logo Rick Wildman, exotic animal and safari expert, cruises down the road. Inside, a sweatied man in a goofy Explorer's club costume drives the vehicle stuffed with cages. The wild screams of a chimpanzee emanate from the back of the van. Rick mumbles to himself and screeches dangerously into the elementary school parking lot. He parks at an angle and hops out of the van. Each time he opens a door, we hear the aggressive screams of the chim. He unloads various cages from the van onto a large cart.

SPEAKER_05 10:04

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

SPEAKER_08 10:06

He slams the van shut and begins to wheel the cart into the school. A slow, ominous zoom towards the van. Cut to interior van, same time. We see the eyes of the chimpanzee in the darkness. The breathing of the chimp is ragged and heavy. The eyes are dangerous. Crossfade. The eyes of Rick Wildman as he rolls the cart of animals behind him into the school. His breathing also ragged. His eyes also dangerous.

SPEAKER_04 10:40

Get the bottle ready.

SPEAKER_09 10:48

Speaker Solid Volden.

SPEAKER_08 10:52

Shh So Jude, I've decided, fuck the format. Um there's this whole thing of like I try to say, like, okay, come in with like a non-sequitur idea, a story from your day, something like this. And then I spend like two hours before the show going like, what's a spontaneous thing that I can talk about that doesn't feel forced?

SPEAKER_02 11:15

I want to preface that what you just said by saying I thought you were talking about the band, the format. Again. Again. And I was like, what did they get into? Yeah. Is there like a new They're cancelled? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Um no, sometimes you just gotta let things happen, you know? Um throw the coins and let them lie a certain way.

SPEAKER_07 11:37

Could we talk about the pun thing?

SPEAKER_08 11:39

Uh I let's talk about it at later. I have something planned for it. You'll be able to get into it. Don't worry. I don't know if I can go on without talking about use it then, Jersey. Use it in your performance today. I do want to say this though. This is this is I was looking at Apple TV. Um, I have the TV right in front of me, so I'll just show you guys. Have you ever seen something more like dystopian than the Apple TV content format for their presentation?

SPEAKER_06 12:11

What are you meaning?

SPEAKER_08 12:13

Like, let's look at the TV shows that are on Apple TV right now. Just the way that they present all of this media.

SPEAKER_07 12:20

It's a bad interface, but most of these like tile-based like streamers, they're just all getting worse. Have you guys seen Monarch Legacy of Monsters?

SPEAKER_08 12:27

I started to watch it, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 12:29

Yeah, it's pretty good. Kurt Russell and his son play the same character.

SPEAKER_08 12:32

Yeah, it's really great. Maybe Godzilla's not trying to hurt us. Maybe he's trying to help us. He's trying to help us.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

Yeah, you know, when Kurt Russell says it, I I believe it. Uh is what you're saying is that everyone in these tiles is like their head is like the same ratio.

SPEAKER_08 12:49

Yeah. It's like this hijack, this thing um with Idris Elba, like that format is it's not doing it now just because I brought it up, but it feels like every one of the shows is that.

SPEAKER_07 13:02

So just to be clear, you don't want to talk about this pun thing from the last episode, but you do want to talk about the format of Apple TV.

SPEAKER_08 13:09

I do want to talk about it, Jersey. I do want to talk about it. I just have a structure for it because and now we're we're gonna ambush Jude. Yeah, exactly. That's what I was worried about, too.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Because I'm like, oh my god, I've got two like pun lords.

SPEAKER_07 13:24

Jude, you are so safe right here in this room with me. I can't express to you how safe you are.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

You are this is the perfect guest. I feel like this is amazing because I need someone that can actually like take on Jordan for me because it's just been like since October, just abuse, like over and over.

SPEAKER_07 13:41

I know, okay, and so I know this isn't what we're supposed to be talking about, but I we did a Jordan and I did a podcast together for a while. Yeah, and the the concept of Jordan being the domineering has his shit together guy on and controlling guy in the podcast is so foreign to me. And I think what we're witnessing and what your massive and rabid fandom of Squeakels has been witnessing is exploitation because I think with all love and respect to you, Jude, Jordan found the one guy who could be his podcast co-host that he can just big brother the shit out of all the time. And I on your be like you bow to no one, my friend, and I thank you for your service, but also this is a complete performance. I can say from years of being actively gumped by him, this is a complete performance.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

I I'm I'm in awe first off. I feel you you're like offering me the the the red pill. Was the red pill the one you're supposed to take?

SPEAKER_06 14:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Black pill.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

You've offered me the pill. I'm taking the pillow. The limitless pill? I'm taking the fucking limitless. You are Robert De Niro, um, and you are just uh mainlining that thing right right into my butt, and I've never felt so powerful. I'm so happy to hear that. I'm Jordan, your reign of terror is coming to a close. I am going to big brother you on this podcast from now on. Fuck the mic.

SPEAKER_08 15:07

I would be happy if you took on any sort of actual like structure or status in this space other than to infuriate me in any regard.

SPEAKER_07 15:20

You know, because you lit I don't big brother you, you little brother yourself. So for guests that don't know who I'm at, I am, I know that I'm not supposed to be introduced until next week. No, you'll be introduced. But um all you have to do is Google Gwizdowski Pun Brothers, which is sort of like Googling like the combined point NBA totals of LeBron James and his son. That's one of his greatest gumps is that he just gumped himself into my whole pun thing. Yeah. Something that he hasn't done actively for like 10 years, and then tried to talk down to you about it. So the pun thing was a lie? Okay, first of all, sorry, Jordan. All right. First of all, the lie, both of you guys, the and the subreddits are going crazy about this, but first of all, the line from the end of The Silence of the Lambs is I'm having an old friend for dinner. Oh shit. Okay. So you guys had a 20-minute argument about a line that's not in the fucking movie and is neither a play on words or a pun. He's just like, I'm eating, you said like I'm eating dinner or something.

SPEAKER_08 16:23

So it is a play on words. Okay. The implication is that having a friend for dinner is he's having him over for dinner.

SPEAKER_07 16:32

I'm just saying I'm the first person to say what the actual line is from the movie on your podcast right now.

SPEAKER_08 16:36

Yeah, I wasn't I don't know the line. I'm wrong. I'm wrong.

SPEAKER_07 16:42

Okay, so that's thing one, okay? And that is a good good line. It's fun, and it's a double meaning, which makes it a pun. That is a pun. Oh, it's not my favorite kind of pun, but the pun is on the word having, which is like either it means he's coming over for dinner, or I'm eating the guy. Right. So it's like it's not my favorite kind of pun, which is sort of phonological, like it's about the sound, like flannely sounds like my closet. Like that's my favorite kind of pun because it's like the sounds, right? But this is a double meaning, so it is technically a pun. So A, the line was wrong, B, Jordan was wrong. And the reason I knew about this is because we went to dinner and he had been listening to the episode that had just come out because he needed to hear his own voice more. And he walked into dinner and he's like, Can I just tell you something? And he told me this whole story about this pun argument. And he's like, and then I had to like tell them how it is, you know. And he kind of told the story, and I was like, I think he's fucking wrong, and I'm gonna tell it to him when I do the puzzle.

SPEAKER_08 17:44

I wasn't wrong because he said the line wrong. If I would have known what the line was.

SPEAKER_02 17:48

You just changed the you just moved the barrier again. Oh my god. It's okay. We're on the limitless kill. You can live defeat. I need to change my pants because I just came because that argument was driving me crazy when it was happening, and I was like, you know. It was a pun. You were wrong though.

SPEAKER_07 18:06

You were still both wrong. You both have mana Mana culpa has been accepted from one of you. One of you's apologized about the fact that the line was wrong. But you were arguing about just not the right line. But it is a good line. I'm having an old friend for dinner.

SPEAKER_02 18:18

It's great. But still a pun, but again, I I get what you're saying. Like it's not a um the the sounds of it don't you don't it's not the sounds that create the double meaning, it's the word itself.

SPEAKER_07 18:31

Yeah. It can I'm but you're pun. What? He picked it up so easily when you explain it correctly and well.

SPEAKER_08 18:37

Well, that's because there's a there's a third guest in the room who is not actively encouraging chaos, like Nas. Nas is a chaos agent in this space.

SPEAKER_07 18:48

Oh man, Nas.

SPEAKER_08 18:49

I was not arguing you with you about what about what a pun was. I was saying what you said, the line you said was not a pun.

SPEAKER_07 18:56

We'll let the we'll let the subreddit and anyway, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

I'm in heaven right now.

SPEAKER_08 19:00

Welcome to Squeakels. It's a sequel podcast. We believe that every movie deserves a sequel. We believe that gump exists deep within all of us, and it is in our nature to unlock that potential and set it free. We believe in the one true power of the voice, and we allow it to guide us towards true gumpism, if that is its intention. I'm here with Jude. Hi, Jude. Hi, Jordan. How are you? I'm vindicated. Yeah, fuck you. And uh today uh we are also here with my big band there, uh Jersey Gwizdowski. Hi. Hi. Great, great. So happy to have you here.

SPEAKER_06 19:36

I'm so happy to be here. I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_08 19:39

We are reading through um the sequel I wrote for Kindergarten Cop, uh pitched to us by uh uh the Samurai Movie Jam guys. It was so fun getting into this. We went with kindergarten class pet, um, which is like and we kind of just ran all over the place with these pitches, but I I I distilled it into something, and I'm excited for you guys to see what it is.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Yeah, I'm I still actually don't know quite the angle of where it's going, and I think that's all part of like the mystery of what's been presenting. I mean, I'm getting like some you know weapons vibes or you know, something like the pressing, you know, uh school shooting uh things. Not just from the way that you look, but from the words that you wrote or the vibe you give off.

SPEAKER_07 20:24

This is the distilled version.

SPEAKER_08 20:26

Yeah, this is the the the 15 pages is the distilled version of this. I latched on to the school shooting thing like pretty quickly. I didn't know what I wanted the angle of this to be, other than some of the like broad strokes that we talked about, like and then I thought about what John Kimball would look like in a modern classroom setting, but I very much didn't want to write like kids are all too sensitive these days, like all that dumb rote fucking humor about like social media and how kids have allergies and shit like that. I just wanted to like show what probably is like a regular kindergarten situation and a regular teacher situation these days, and then make it extreme.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Yeah, I I think there's like a huge difference between like John Kimball as a teacher and like someone who would, you know, be have like a political office in schools. Um I don't know if you guys have this kind of thing like in Milwaukee or whatever, but the school board is always I've said it before, like the most fucked up.

SPEAKER_07 21:32

You said they're easy to manipulate.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

They're easy to manipulate and they're always so fucked up.

SPEAKER_07 21:36

And like Sarasota?

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Yes. Um, for example, there's actually a really good case right now um where the school superintendent is like a uh a conservative influencer. Oh no. Um who basically got her seat by saying, like, I'm gonna get woke out of schools. Um, and it came out that she's like very active in um the like swinger community. Okay. Hell yeah. Um so there's like a lot of uh evidence or in and she's admitted to it like under oath that um her and her husband uh actively go to bars and seek out uh third members that they can take home and videotape having sex, and she's the one that's um gonna decide uh if we're gonna read uh catch her in the rye in eighth grade.

SPEAKER_07 22:21

Because it has the F-word in it.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

So that's like the kind of bastard. It says bastard quite a bit too. Phony. It says phony. It says phony way too many times. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 22:32

Um yeah, that's um isn't that kind of like a a proto Marjorie Marjorie Taylor Green, like a swinger conservative?

SPEAKER_02 22:41

I think it was probably the same time and same era. They were part of a similar community, yeah, or the way they got into office. Um but God bless um uh what's her name? Marjorie Taylor, because she like she left. She was like, No, this Epstein thing, I gotta, I gotta die on this hill.

SPEAKER_08 22:57

And then she just called for the uh impeachment of Donald Trump.

SPEAKER_02 23:00

Yeah, yeah. She'll stop at nothing to be crazy. But anyway, John Kimball would never, would never know, you know?

SPEAKER_07 23:07

No, I feel like he has integrity even in this kind of grotesquefied the sequel. It's just he's it's grotesquified by time, but not by him sort of calcifying into some kind of mega guy.

SPEAKER_08 23:18

No, I think what I wanted to present is somebody who was softened by time, um, who who allowed being a kindergarten teacher to teach them. The kids teach me, as they say.

SPEAKER_07 23:31

Like in the first movie, he gets home from his first day and he's like, They are horrible. But in this sequel, he might get home from work and he might say, They are wonderful.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

Wonderful something.

SPEAKER_07 23:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:45

Yeah. Oh, my I go to my ferret and I tell them that my kids are the best kids. And he's named the ferret.

SPEAKER_08 23:52

I did, well, I had to look at how long uh the average lifespan of a ferret is, and it's only about like eight to ten years. And it was strangely it actually said seven to eight years, but before like 1980, it was uh closer to ten years. So now I just wonder has time gotten longer or has people started using having them as pets in like the 90s.

SPEAKER_07 24:14

It was like a cool pet.

SPEAKER_02 24:15

Right, but it did say domesticated ferrets. Or they're using ferrets for like a nefarious purpose that's shortening their lifespan. Maybe their glands are being used in pharmaceutical companies. I don't know. I I'm just spitballing here.

SPEAKER_07 24:30

We're getting a little bit into our next week's episode, but yeah, maybe the mucus sort of in their brains is being exploited like the the whale creatures from Avatar Wavewater. The Plocoon? Yeah, the Plocoon.

SPEAKER_08 24:43

Oh god. That's a shame. I worry so much for the Plocoon.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Well, that could be a part of the lore as well. I mean, the Plocoon are beautiful, majestic creatures that should be studied and appreciated and not extracted for their musk.

SPEAKER_08 24:59

Um I l I viewed this Vance character as Danny DeVito. We talked a little bit about that. I kind of wanted to bring him back into uh the fold. Um, I think bringing some of that Frank energy from It's Always Sunny, maybe.

SPEAKER_07 25:14

And filmmaking energy too. Do you guys know like Danny DeVito's indelible imprint on American cinema?

SPEAKER_08 25:21

Throw Mama from the train.

SPEAKER_07 25:22

Well, uh yeah, besides that. Oh obviously.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

Did he direct um the movie about the guy that died? Um that's oh man.

SPEAKER_07 25:30

Oh He did, Hoffa. Hoffa. Yeah. Dude, I am so with I told you you're in the safest possible space today. I am with you. You are understood, you are not doing anything wrong and have not been doing anything wrong in this show the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

I'm not even kidding, Jersey. I feel like a little kid that some like a social worker is coming, and you're like, it's not your fault. Yeah, right? Like you you those like those gashes on your cheeks, your parents are doing that to you. You there are better people you can find.

SPEAKER_05 25:55

Although, how did you get those scars?

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Well, my father was a drinker. Danny DeVito.

SPEAKER_07 26:02

Danny DeVito founded a production company called Jersey Films, he's from New Jersey, and he bankrolled or supported and advocated for a lot of the late 80s, early 90s independent filmmakers, including Soderbergh, Tarantino. So if you look at like the beginning of Registr R Registrar Dogs, you can tell I work out of college, Reservoir Dogs, it says produced by Jersey Films. So any movie that's produced by Jersey Films, which is his like imprint, is a Danny DeVito production. And this is like late 80s, early 90s. So we wouldn't have like that whole 90s uh independent cinema boom without DeVito.

SPEAKER_08 26:37

I'm speechless. And like what a stage king, you know, came from Cuckoo's Nest, uh, and then you know, did it beautifully on film as well. But he's always going back to his roots and supporting the arts in that regard.

SPEAKER_07 26:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Everything always goes back to New Jersey at the end of the day, including Jimmy Hoffa, allegedly. Exactly under the Meadowlands famously. Yeah. Um Jude, was that a pun? Um, I don't know.

SPEAKER_07 27:06

That was just like a mediocre joke, I think. So that would go. Yeah. And he's such a champion of the working people that um he made like one of the few movies that's like about a labor leader, even though he's like one of the you know, tougher labor leaders to like be sympathetic for, that's like been put out in movies. Like there's not a lot of movies about working class people and like Yeah, and you're right.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

That that movie definitely does um it that movie is kind of excruciating to watch. Um yeah, just because it it uh it always cuts back to a scene where it's um Danny DeVito like remembering Jimmy Hoffa. So it'll like be all these like moments in the past, and it'll just cut back to Danny DeVito and he'll be like, Jimmy Hoffa. Um and it makes him out to be like a saint, kind of, uh which is funny. And then I the other interpretation of Jimmy Hoffa would be the Irishman, which is like Al Pacino kind of, and that shows like the conflicted nature of him, yeah. Um just being an asshole, like not putting the flag at half staff when Kennedy gets shot, which is like the funniest shit ever. Also an excruciating movie, too. So my god. I love the Irishman. I love it. Oh my god, it's like my favorite.

SPEAKER_07 28:14

I love late Scorsese.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Oh my god, Jersey. I just want to like do we do like an Airbnb together and just kick him out of here? I would love that. I've been trying. Yeah, but unfortunately, uh Jordan started the labor union for the Squeeple podcast. Unfortunately, I started. Oh we are cool, bro. You are no longer safe here, my friend. Yeah, this is the only case where I don't support unions. Jordan's um podcast union.

SPEAKER_08 28:40

Of one. Of one guy. Yeah, that's alright. I need to get this fucking thing back on track. It's always sunny. He came on for the second season because they said they were gonna cancel the show unless they got like a big name actor on. This show has now been on for it's the longest running live action comedy of all time.

SPEAKER_06 28:58

Besides 60 minutes, am I right? Okay, okay, alright.

SPEAKER_08 29:02

Nightly news. Yeah, nightly news.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

Yeah, yeah, that's it. That'll get you off.

SPEAKER_07 29:10

Did we all see that Punch got a girlfriend? Oh man, that's already eons ago in you know, like memes or like those kind of stories. Yeah. Like the little hippo, the little hippo everybody loves. Oh yeah, mood. Moot just a big hippo now.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

Yeah, I saw actually I saw Punch in the West Village like maybe two weekends ago. Oh damn. And he was with like four different women. Yeah, drinking with Kiefer Yeah, and the guy from Summer House. Oh my god. It was really fucked up.

SPEAKER_07 29:38

Do you want a picture?

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Yeah, it's like, yeah. And he well, he was all fucking he was buzzed off that off that powder. So he was like, his pupils look like fucking pancakes. Yeah. And he kept talking about crypto, like he's gonna like make it images again. Like, you know what I mean? Like NFTs, punch coin, punch cards punch coins dropping soon. Um just like pictures of himself, I guess. Yeah, it's just so arrogant.

SPEAKER_06 30:05

Sun Brother Punch.

SPEAKER_08 30:06

He's like good from the from the ape movies.

SPEAKER_06 30:10

Oh no! Oh Bad Ape?

SPEAKER_08 30:13

I'm out. I don't know. Ape movies. Oh. You got do you know Ape? The Planet of the Apes. Yeah, the Rise of the Planet of the Apes.

SPEAKER_07 30:19

Oh, yeah, I know. Yeah, Andy Circus.

SPEAKER_08 30:21

No, Bad Ape is um what's his name?

SPEAKER_07 30:23

Oh, is it Anatudic?

SPEAKER_08 30:24

No. No, it's like one of those guys, though, that does. No, comedian from Saving Silverman. Jack Black. No, the other one. That's the only one I know. Who was he was just in um Anaconda with Jack Black. What the fuck is his name? Jason Biggs.

SPEAKER_07 30:36

See, look the way the show's come to Screeching Hall. You put me off my game.

SPEAKER_08 30:40

You put me off my game.

SPEAKER_02 30:42

I can't believe you don't remember a name. Steve Zahn. Steve Zahn. Steve Zahn is a comedian. He's not a comedian, bro. Comic actor. Comic actor.

SPEAKER_07 30:53

He's on an Apple Apple TV show called uh silo.

SPEAKER_08 30:57

Oh, they find a dead body in a silo?

SPEAKER_07 30:59

That's I mean, in a way, what it's about, but not real. I mean, but I mean that's the impetus of the No, it's like a future post-apocalyptic society. It's sort of like um like Fallout where they all live in these like silos and then it's like the vaults, you know, basically.

SPEAKER_02 31:14

You guys both saw F1. Oh yeah. Was that Steve Zahn in the beginning? Because I remember thinking, like, is that fucking Steve Zahn when like Brad Pitt like wakes up in a trailer to like go race and the guy's like, you're you're let's fucking go, dude.

SPEAKER_07 31:26

That it gave Steve Zahn I was thinking I didn't notice at the time.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

I don't know if it's Steve Zahn or not, but let's just assume it is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 31:34

Because he's got a different AI overview says Steve Zahn is featured in the 2025 Formula One racing movie F1, but it never actually confirms it. I think they're just talking about um god damn it.

SPEAKER_07 31:47

I'm not even gonna continue with this. Oh, he's scared. We got him on the defensive.

SPEAKER_08 31:51

I know this is so good. I've never seen this Jordan before. I'm I'm like struggling for transitions. I can't think of names.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

I was like trapped in Jordan's like own like D campaign of controlling my podcast life, and now I feel like I have the cards. Do you want to know?

SPEAKER_07 32:07

Do you want to know like the game genie sort of breakdown of Jordan? Like when to attack and when to block? Okay. So he has basically he has like three, he has like three voices that'll indicate sort of where he's at, okay? So he has the where he's just like pretty, just like actually just really chill. Yeah, okay. That's when he answers the door. Yeah, that's the most dangerous, okay? Because that's when he's- I'm getting into that, I'm dropping into that right now. Exactly. Yeah, and that's really the most dangerous. Okay. Then the other two modes are like when he's like doing the thing where he's like, it's it's like when he's like, uh they're like, what did you think of sentimental value? And he'd be like, uh, yes, I thought it was um very uh emotional. That's Frazier Jordan. Yeah. I call him Niles, but yeah, yeah. Okay. So um so it's like he kind of puts in it that he hits explosives. He's like, great. And this is Oh my god, yes, he does do that.

SPEAKER_08 32:55

So I don't do I don't do that this thing. That's if you ever hear that, that's always true. I do do that, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 33:00

But oh yeah, that yeah. So that's mode two, which is like very that means he is um like experiencing a little see now, he's just totally checked out. He's like experiencing a little bit of anxiety, right? And so he's like uh he's like putting a little control over it. So he's like, okay, so this is what I'm doing. Right? And then the the other one that you is like I it's it can be really a wild card is when he goes past that and he's doing like fake, totally chill guy. So he's like so, so stressed or something that it's like I don't care. I'm not okay.

SPEAKER_08 33:30

So I just want to say that what you're talking about is the one I'm talking about. I am completely open about that fact. I'm number three that I was just talking about. And this is why I brought it up in the beginning is because I am a person who, and I was gonna ask this, and I forgot to, is like, would people who listen to this consider me chill? Because that is the farthest thing from what I am, and that's why when I'm like, let's just have kind of a non uh non-set intro where we just kind of like bullshit about things, and then I have to go like for three hours before I'm like, what is a uh non-sequitur that we can open up? What's an interesting story that happened to me today? Because that is where I usually am functioning at, is like worrying about that kind of thing. So I'm not this is not a secret jersey. You're not like revealing my I'm just helping him.

SPEAKER_07 34:25

No, it's not a secret to me. Because I live in your mind, in your heart. I've known you the whole life, and I love you, and you're amazing, and you are a chill guy. And I understand that you need to build, like, you can't fucking ride the countryside unless you build the railroad. You know what I mean? So you gotta just lay that track down so that you can just lean back and watch the landscape. So then why the fuck are you tearing it up a fucking piece by piece? Sometimes the train hits a little boy who's playing and picking flowers. You think he's a little boy, he's a beast, he's a monster.

SPEAKER_02 34:56

That might be true. Um, I can bring my big sister on the podcast, um, and she can just break my ass down too. Um, but like, to be honest, this to me feels like a good metaphor. I think it's like, do you remember in the 90s when like they had that magician come on and he's like, I'm gonna explain. Oh, the masked magician.

SPEAKER_07 35:14

And you hate him and he loves him.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

Right, but this feels like a masked magician moment for me. Like, you're giving me the keys to handle like what this is, and it's I feel so powerful.

SPEAKER_08 35:24

Like, why don't you just handle the basic responsibilities of doing this podcast first and then talk about handling?

SPEAKER_02 35:34

Oh my god. You are you've been found out.

SPEAKER_07 35:38

You your tea has been clocked.

SPEAKER_08 35:40

I will tell you, Jersey, I do like the keys that you've given him because I've never seen him as composed and erudite as he is right now. You feel powerful. Good, good. I like that. Thank you.

SPEAKER_07 35:53

Did you hear the way he's he said composed and aerodytes?

SPEAKER_02 35:55

Eerudite, and like the hats go down and the glasses came on. Yeah, it's like it's it's in, but it's kind of out as well.

unknown 36:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 36:04

You know what? I'm gonna follow Arnold Schwarzenegger's advice that I wrote for him, and I'm just gonna breathe. And I'm gonna take control back. Jersey, thank you for bringing this energy on. Thank you for giving Jude power. I appreciate what you've done. Thank you for correcting me on whatever I might have gotten wrong about the pun situation last time we talked. I appreciate all this so much. Well, what do you appreciate about it? That you were wrong or I appreciate being corrected because I am not the kind of person who will dig in my heels and say that I am right or that I am not wrong fundamentally about something. I am happy to learn and I'm happy to grow.

SPEAKER_02 36:43

You kind of like said that like you you're kind of thanking us for correcting you and then said that you weren't gonna change or be corrected. It was impressive.

SPEAKER_08 36:52

I just said I'm happy to learn and I'm happy to grow, John. Yeah, I'll buy that.

SPEAKER_07 36:56

It's like a sort of a John Kimball, you know? He's softened over time and he's learning to stop attacking me.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

I'm not I'm the victim. I'm an observer, and again, too, I will make the offer to like if like I don't know if my sister is very good at like performing or is as charismatic as Jersey, but she could definitely spill the shit on my stupid shit, and it would be really embarrassing for me because she would just go crazy.

SPEAKER_08 37:23

Oh, Jersey hasn't even begun to probably open up the No, I'm not even in this is just the stars. The kindergarten cop. Yeah, he's sitting in the producer's chair. This is this is nothing.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

I feel like by the end of this, Jersey is gonna big brother both of us. Like he's gonna like lock us both in a closet with like a scary mask, and then like start farting on the outside. Just classic like big brother 90 shit. This is good. This is so specific. Yeah, I mean, well, that's where I got my things, you know. Like the sexual stuff that I'm in. Right. You know. All the classes head to the gymnasium for a special presentation. The school district is using this time to install gun lockers in each classroom. The kids are seated on the bleachers. Most of the classes are loud and rowdy. Mr. Kimball's class sits calm and orderly. Principal Schlauski, played by the incomparable and still living Linda Hunt, who is almost indistinguishable from Fran Liebowitz, stands at a microphone. Kimball stands near her. Everyone, today we have a very special visitor. She looks over to a very sweaty Rick Wildman, who smiles too big. Or I guess I should say some very special visitors.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

Mr. Wildman, if that is your real name. Take it away. Hell are explorers!

SPEAKER_02 38:49

The kids go fucking nuts. Ricky coughs a bit. Kimball discreetly pulls Rick off the mic. Are you feeling okay? Rick shakes Kimball off. Yeah, man, are you? They stare each other down for a second. Who's ready to meet some of the most amazing animals on the planet? Kimb walks over to the bleachers. We can't quite shake the feeling that something is wrong. Ricky continues his presentation with a manic energy. The kids fucking love it. Vance strolls to Kimball.

SPEAKER_05 39:19

This is Bull. The booking promised this guy would have a chimp. No cage over there is big enough to hold a chimp.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

Maybe he's keeping it somewhere else. Cut to exterior, a parking lot, at the same time. The van sits still. Then at the primal cry of the chimpanzee. The van begins to rock. The screams of the chimp rise in frantic fury, along with the movement of the van. They blend into the delighted screams of the children. As we cut to interior. Gymnasium. Same time. The kids are going fucking apeshit over this animal stuff. Maybe a bird pooped on a teacher. A lizard is probably inside Ricky's hat and he can't get it out. Real classic animal hijinks. After a while, Ricky leans on his cart, exhausted. He decides it's time to wrap it up.

SPEAKER_05 40:11

Alright, kids, that's all the wild wonder for today. I hope you've had as much fun as I have, and remember, Wildman brings the wild to you, man!

SPEAKER_02 40:21

He stumbles over to his cart and quickly moves to the exit. Principal Schlauski goes to the mic. Thank you so much for all that. We follow a frantic Rick as he tries to get out of the school as quickly as possible. Just as he gets to the doors, Mr.

SPEAKER_04 40:36

Wildman! Nar autographs, please! Mr.

SPEAKER_02 40:39

Wildman, I have a check for you. I'll send an invoice. He exits the school without even looking back, and the doors slam behind him. Kimball continues looking after Rick suspiciously, but his concentration is broken by the jingling of keys. Two technicians walk up to him. Mr. Kimball? Yes. Tech One points over to the classroom with Mr. John Kimball written on the door. Uh your room was the last on the list. Our work here is done. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 41:07

You said something about a check?

SPEAKER_08 41:11

Follow me. Cut to Exterior Parking Lot Day. One long, static wide shot of the van. Rick pulls his cart along with a huge amount of effort and quite a bit of coughing. He makes it to the back of the van and gets the door open. He goes still when he sees inside.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 41:30

He rushes around to the driver's side door and reaches in, rummaging around for something. He falls back out and gets on the ground. He holds a pistol and ammunition and fumbles to load it while coughing up a lung. He shakily gets to his feet and keeps his pistol ready. He keeps his back to the van and searches the parking lot for any movement. Nothing. Silence. Then Rick vomits a torrent of blood.

SPEAKER_07 41:58

Cut 2. Interior. Principal's office. The texts leave after the principal has signed their invoice.

SPEAKER_08 42:03

Well, I hope the children enjoyed their little circus. Their world is about to change. Speaking of, you still haven't received your training certification, John.

SPEAKER_07 42:15

I know. He pulls an envelope from his pocket. She opens it.

SPEAKER_08 42:20

John. You've been here a long time now.

SPEAKER_07 42:24

The sound of auditorium doors opening and children returning to class.

SPEAKER_04 42:28

I won't work with a gun in my classroom.

SPEAKER_08 42:32

I would have thought this would be easy for you. It wasn't too long ago you brought a gun to school every day. That was a lifetime ago.

SPEAKER_04 42:45

You can't change that. But I can decide how I live in it.

SPEAKER_07 42:50

She nods, understanding.

SPEAKER_08 42:52

Well. I should have known you would find a way to steal my thunder.

SPEAKER_07 42:58

Kimball looks at her curiously. She pulls an envelope from her desk.

SPEAKER_08 43:02

I wrote mine as soon as they announced the mandate. Although I think mine is much less graceful than yours.

SPEAKER_07 43:08

She stands and offers Kimball a strong handshake.

SPEAKER_08 43:11

It's been an absolute honor working alongside you.

SPEAKER_07 43:16

He gets down and gives her a huge hug. They break the hug and look at each other with admiration. Now, let's make this a last day like no other. The sound of a gunshot. Both freeze and then immediately go into crisis mode. That sounded like it came from outside. Principal Schlauski moves over to the PA and begins to announce lockdown procedures. Kimball moves into the hallway. There's a general panic, but the school has done drills and is following protocol. Kimball passes the janitor, Elliot.

SPEAKER_04 43:42

Elliot, I'm going to check the situation outside. Can you get to my classroom and watch the kids?

SPEAKER_07 43:47

Sure thing, John! We follow Kimball in a tense over the shoulder as he moves down the hallway, checking each classroom and hallway for any danger. Sudden movement draws his attention.

SPEAKER_08 43:56

Someone with a gun. He uses dope CQC to disarm the assailant.

SPEAKER_05 44:00

Hell man?

SPEAKER_08 44:00

Vance rushes to pick his weapon off the floor. What are you doing? Get back to your classroom. Are you kidding me? I didn't spend all those hours at the range so I could cower like a pussy. Kimball's attention is already off Vance and back to the situation. He continues towards the front doors.

SPEAKER_05 44:15

Hey! Wait up!

SPEAKER_08 44:16

Cut to exterior parking lot. Moments later. The doors open and Kimball steps out, followed by Vance. The two see a gruesome scene before them. Blood covering the asphalt, and Rick Wildman slumped up against the side of his van, pistol on the ground near his hand, the back of his head blown off from the inside.

SPEAKER_05 44:33

What the fuck?

SPEAKER_08 44:34

The parking lot is quiet. No danger. No active shooter. Kimball goes to check the body of Rick and pockets his gun. He notices Rick has a bloody bandage under his shirt that hides what seems to be a bite mark with infection. Vance stands looking into the back of the van.

SPEAKER_05 44:51

Now this cage is big enough for a chimp.

SPEAKER_08 44:54

Kimball looks over at the school in horror as he begins to put the pieces together. It's inside.

SPEAKER_06 45:06

Something's wrong with Ben.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

I've gotta say, dude, the scene between Principal and Kimball where like she's already handed over her resignation, so good. Like I was I kind of want to see that like in the on the silver screen.

SPEAKER_08 45:20

I um I I was like, is it too much of a jarring thing? Because I almost had the guy blow his head off like before that happened, and then I was like, I think we need to switch that around. That's good.

SPEAKER_02 45:34

Go full metal jacket. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 45:36

Yeah. Um, I like that in this sequel, John Kimball's um tagline, not his tagline, his uh his his quote, quotable line is that was a lifetime ago. Because he says it two times in like twelve pages. Yeah. Which I think is great. You gotta, you know, you gotta drive it in there.

SPEAKER_08 46:00

Yeah. Yeah, I found it this script when I was writing it, I was like, this is like if I'm writing a 90 page script in 16 pages. I didn't try to like break it up. I was just like, how can I condense as much, distill, if you will, yeah, all of the story into as short amount of time as possible. So we're gonna get essentially a full movie here, but it will feel very short and very abridged.

SPEAKER_02 46:24

So we're gonna get a vertical short film, is what you're saying. Oh, okay, good. In three parts, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 46:30

I mean somebody's gotta keep Hollywood afloat, you know.

SPEAKER_02 46:33

It's the only thing now, actually, you you were saying it, or people were saying it, that like um that these like vertical shorts are like on all the casting websites, and I actually realized that they are, I just wasn't registering what they were.

SPEAKER_09 46:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:47

But like everything that was like I'm pregnant by a rock star is a vertical short film. Right.

SPEAKER_07 46:53

I think the speed with which the industry changes though, like those are already going away, those vertical live action shorts, and they're being replaced with like the AI that are like stories of fruit that shape like people, you know? It's my new favorite genre.

SPEAKER_08 47:08

We used to love the one, the farting cat genre. Do you remember this? No, yeah. Um, meow meow. What songs? It was like two distinct songs. Yeah, under my umbrella, or like it would usually be about a cat wife who would fart and be very delighted by how big her farts were, but her husband was disgusted by it and would take the kid away. And then she would enter the fart Olympics, and she got embarrassed by the winner, and then the husband ended up marrying the winner, like all of a sudden he loves farts now. Uh, and then she goes and trains. Um, I'm unstoppable today. That's one of them. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Yeah. And then she comes back and wins the fart Olympics, and then he's like, I want you back. And she's like, No, you you only like me now for my farts.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

I'm just realizing how big of a plot hole that is. That like he goes for because I remember one of them is like a hippo, and like he the hippo wins the fart Olympics, and he does a complete 180, and he's like, actually, like the farts are what creates the love.

SPEAKER_07 48:11

Yeah. Clout chasing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

Yeah. Um, the um the AI fruit ones involve a lot of like chastity belts, I've noticed. I've seen one where a banana gets uh his his groin locked, um, and he's like unable to like get it unlocked, and the person that did the lock is now having sex with like his wife or something.

SPEAKER_07 48:31

Yeah, there's a lot of like cuckoldry between different kinds of fruit.

SPEAKER_08 48:34

The the thing that makes me uncomfortable though, I'd be fine if it was mostly just the fruit, but they always involve some sort of dairy product now, too.

SPEAKER_06 48:42

Yeah, there's like milk boy and like yogurt lemonade, and I'm like also like milk and lemonade.

SPEAKER_02 48:49

Like, is that really that's where the fudge is made because you're you've been known to like put your finger in the hole, you you would have a uh unfortunately a Tootsie roll.

SPEAKER_07 49:04

Right, yeah. I think AI is about like 18 months away from being able to go around the corner, but soon that's gonna be we're we're really working on.

SPEAKER_02 49:11

I think the new model of Claude Club 4.6 is gonna have um the fudge factory. Um with with all the fudge packers that would be uh involved in that kind of endeavor. Yeah. Um but we're really proud the new model is looking like it's going to um to know where the fudge is made. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 49:26

Jude, you said before this that you were really praising all the verticals because they don't involve uh union workers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:36

That was my favorite thing about then. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 49:38

Because like shot overseas too, right? Yeah. Like where you shot all your commercials and stuff that you said.

SPEAKER_02 49:44

No, I think it's actually the I think it's the opposite. A lot of the vertical short films are actually using union workers.

SPEAKER_08 49:53

No, I mean, uh, they're at least not following like union protocols and things like that.

SPEAKER_02 49:57

No, no, but they're like actually like the film crews that are shooting them are actually like like union jobs. I I I don't know if they're like following whatever, but like the the um like the Ayahty and stuff. Like they're like they're they're keeping them kind of afloat.

SPEAKER_07 50:11

Yeah, if they're shot in in LA. I mean, I guess, yeah, they could be non-union performers, but they'd still have to be, if they're within the 30 mile zone, they have to be Iahtzee workers.

SPEAKER_02 50:21

Yeah, so in a lot of ways, like my teacher, the Phoenix with the golden penis, is like feeding children in Los Angeles. That's good. How do you feel about that? Great.

SPEAKER_08 50:34

Good. I want all children to be fed, regardless if their parents have jobs or not.

SPEAKER_02 50:41

Got my ass.

SPEAKER_08 50:44

I'm just saying what I believe.

SPEAKER_07 50:47

Um something's wrong with Ben always made me think of we need to talk about Kevin. Just like as a thing. Like it just always brought me there. Um but what it makes me wonder what's the tagline like on the poster on the one sheet for kindergarten cop, the log line, I guess. Like what's the what is the actual one? No, for the for well, yes, what's the real actual one, and then what's is there one for your for your sequel, Kindergarten Class Pat?

SPEAKER_08 51:14

Well, probably sometime like it was a lifetime ago, or you know, that one in there one more time. Yeah, it comes in probably later in the script as well, or at least it metaphorically comes in. I do know that it does metaphorically come in once again.

SPEAKER_02 51:29

Um I think it has to be like distinct in a way where it's not like school of rock. I think it needs to so we're going for like a like a reboot that Arnold is going to like, you know, say goodbye to a franchise with that he really liked. Yeah. So it can't be like, you know, uh back in the classroom again or something. It has to be like uh more meaningful.

SPEAKER_08 51:49

Yeah, not just something throw away like school's a real jungle. Mm-mm. Kids are wild, you know, things like that.

SPEAKER_07 51:57

Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina, teachers have a heart. I was about to say Arnold Schwarzenegger has heart.

SPEAKER_02 52:04

That's good, actually. Um Yeah. Like back in class. Um so it needs to be something more meaningful. Um something about a garden pun. Oh, excuse me, I don't want to bring up the word pun again, because I know that's like a very contentious issue, but like uh not for you. For you, yeah. Yeah, maybe like the the kin's like the kin of his garden or something.

SPEAKER_06 52:40

The garden is blooming.

SPEAKER_02 52:42

Yeah, something like that. Um he's all grown up or something, you know, even it might not even have to be a pun.

SPEAKER_08 52:50

Um even if it's just something like it's the worst last day, you know, because it's like referencing that he's this is his final foray into this franchise. Or like come see Kimball's last day in class.

SPEAKER_02 53:07

Or a play on like have a great summer, a play on Hags. Yes. Um he had a great summer. Uh now it's time to get back to the books. He'll be back one last time. They already did that. Yeah. The principal's office. Principal Schlowski stands at the PA, composed. This is not a drill. Secure your classrooms and She stops. She notices her office doors ajar. A sound above her. The chimp is watching her from the top of a file cabinet. Its chest rises and falls in uneven, ragged breaths. The two lock eyes. No movement. Alright, well, this is unexpected. She takes a small step back. We're okay. The chimp tilts its head.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

A long beat.

SPEAKER_08 54:06

Stay right there. I'm just going to go get you a treat.

SPEAKER_02 54:14

She slowly points towards the door. The chimp looks to where she is pointing and then back at her. Okay? I'm just going to walk past you. Okay. She moves slowly, careful not to startle it. The chimp watches every inch of the movement. Its fingers flex. The principal freezes. The chimp takes an aggressive pose and bears its teeth. Alright now. That's enough. Her voice is calm. Firm. A low guttural sound rises from the chimp. I said that's enough. She doesn't have anywhere else to go. She gets ready to run. The chimp's body tightens. It can sense her tension. A tremor runs through it. A long, unbearable beat. Then it explodes forward. Cut two. Interior hallway. Same time.

SPEAKER_07 55:16

Kimball and Vance re-enter the school cautiously. A scream from the principal's office and the sound of wild chimpanzee hooting. Kimball breaks into a sprint towards the commotion. Hold up! Kimball gets to the office and sees the chimp pounding and tearing at Principal Schlausky. Get off her! This deters the chimp for a moment and it goes into an intimidation crouch to scare off Kimball. He keeps his eyes locked on the chimp, but his attention is on the principal.

SPEAKER_04 55:41

Just breathe. We're going to get you help. Don't worry about me, John.

SPEAKER_07 55:46

Save the children. She slips in her own blood as she struggles to get up. The chimp notices the movement, but Kimball keeps its attention off of her.

SPEAKER_04 55:54

You're not going to die.

SPEAKER_07 55:56

As she stands and takes her hand off of her torso, we see the extend of an incredibly bad wound.

SPEAKER_04 56:02

I am.

SPEAKER_08 56:06

It's been an honor. The honor's been all mine.

SPEAKER_07 56:11

She has used the last of her strength to grab a letter opener off her desk and jabs it into the neck of the chim. The chimp rushes to the window and crashes through. Kimball runs over to the principal's body. She was dead before she hit the floor. Vance runs in.

SPEAKER_05 56:30

Jesus Christ!

SPEAKER_07 56:32

He moves to the window and fires his gun out indiscriminately. Put the gun down, you idiot! A crash of glass from nearby, shouts and screams. In the hallway we see a classroom door flying open and kids running out screaming. We hear the teacher inside. No! Oh god! He crawls halfway out of the classroom. Help me! A spatter of blood erupts from the classroom and the teacher is dragged back in. The children pound on classroom doors and run around in chaos. Get on the PA and tell everyone to get out of the building and far away from the school as they can! Vance, for the first time, follows direction. Kimball moves to the chaos towards the classroom. The chimp jumps out and moves quickly down the hallway. Kimball pulls out Rick's gun and tries to get a clear shot. Too many children. The kindergarten classroom door opens and Elliot steps out. John is everything! He's thrown to the side by the chimp who disappears into Mr. Kimball's class. Time freezes. Kimball can only imagine the worst. He tries to process the horror, his responsibility. He cannot. Fear and rage take over, and he barrels toward the classroom with his gun drawn. As he steps into the room, he shouts, Everyone down! The children cower in fear as they look up at him. The chimp is swamped against the wall, bleeding out onto the floor. It has lost too much blood, used too much energy. The children are not scared of this dying beast. They are scared of Mr. Kimball. That same girl begins to cry. Kimball takes in the situation at hand. He looks at himself in the reflection of the window and seems someone he hasn't seen in a long time. Looking back at him is Cullen Crisp.

SPEAKER_08 58:06

Go ahead, big man. Shoot that monkey just like you shot me. Oh, I know. You didn't wanna do it.

SPEAKER_07 58:14

It made you do it. Kimball struggles with his inner demons in the kind of internal performance you really don't think Arnold Schwarzenegger is capable of, but he does it. By God he does it. He breathes. Everything that was too big is all in perspective now. He puts the gun away.

SPEAKER_04 58:34

Everyone, stay calm. This is a chimpanzee. An ape. They can be very dangerous. Especially when they are scared and hurt. Don't make any sudden moves.

SPEAKER_07 58:50

Kimble's eyes once again meet the chimp's. The chimp's breath is failing. Its eyes are darting around the room.

SPEAKER_04 58:57

Look at me! Hey! Look at me! It's over. I don't know what happened or what that man did to you, but it's over now, okay? It's all over.

SPEAKER_07 59:08

The chimp seems to focus on Kimble, its manic energy accepting the slow, oncoming exhaustion of death. Breathe. One, two, three. Breathe. Three, two, one. The chimp's eyes flutter and it breathes its last breath. Cut two.

SPEAKER_08 59:32

Exterior parking lot after school. The parking lot is packed with parents, cops, medics, newsvans, and everything else you would expect. Vance is standing with a local TV reporter giving an overblown story about how he saved the day. Kimball's adopted son, Dominic, now a firefighter, walks up to him.

SPEAKER_07 59:49

You were right, Dad. It's some kind of infection. We've called in CDC and are quarantining the school. A cold dread overtakes Kimball.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:10

Did you know that Dominic begins to rattle off gun statistics as we pan over to a mother, checking her kid before taking them to her car. Are you okay? Yes, ma'am. She notices a scratch. What's this?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:24

Nothing, it's a scratch.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:25

Okay, fine, get in the car. The kid begins coughing as he climbs into the back seat.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:31

Heh heh.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:32

The primal sounds of the jungle take over as we pan up from this car into a wide shot of the lot. Just in the corner, a bloody thing- a bloody figure limps from the school towards the crowd. The jungle sounds reach their apex just as the limping figure lunges at a bystander. What the fuck is that? Screams and the holler of a feral chimp. Blackout end credits.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:04

Woo!

SPEAKER_02 1:01:06

You know, Mean Girls told me that high school was a lot like the jungle. Yes, yes, yes. But I wasn't expecting this, Jordan. This is an elementary school.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:16

Mm-hmm. I can't believe that we didn't predict man is the monster.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:25

It was the whole time. It was like in front of us the whole time. And I'm like, oh man, it's gotta be anything else but what I am.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:31

I didn't want to take away the ferocity of the chimp, so I wanted it to be the kind of killer that I know a chimp can be and the kind of killer that is truly frightening. But I also didn't want to paint it as some kind of monster. I wanted it to be an animal that was fighting for its life.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:50

Or thought it was. I was surprised after the last break of the sort of very explicit pro-gun turn that this script takes at the end. Why? Where if they had kept their guns, it would have been over right away. And then the son Dominic is talking about all the statistics of guns in schools, and it treats him like a figure of absolute fucking fun. Well and pans away as if he's the comic relief, unimportant to the story, as we look at the aftermath of when you all you have is a letter opener.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:27

Yeah, I'm gonna have to detect deduct uh like five liberal points from Jordan for that whole thing.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:33

Just making like down to 95.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:37

I'll take it. But really, my stance that I was writing was that um if a gun was there, maybe things would have ended quicker, but they might have also ended uh might have left a greater, darker legacy than what was chosen.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:56

The only way to beat a bad chimp with no gun is with a is a good principle with a letter opener. Chimpstone can't be able to get it.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:03

I almost wrote in the switcheroo that uh he knew that Rick's gun was a tranquilizer dart. I do think we're in first draft of this. Okay. You know, I'm not saying anything is written in stone. There are a couple things I realized. One is that that was a twist I was thinking of is that maybe Rick's gun was a tranquilizer gun, and that's how he ends the day. And the other one that I realized I wanted to write in but forgot to, was that he was gonna say something at the end like, She always told me that I couldn't change the world, and then it like fades to like Kimball for president or something. But maybe I can. He's like never gonna be a teacher now, but he'll he'll teach him how he'll he'll make a turn into politics.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:44

I could see the principle being like, um, I I love your ferrets, and when I first started teaching, I I used to bring a goat to school, you know, but it would go crazy, so I had to shoot it with this tranquilizer gun, which I still keep as a reminder. Oh, she seeds in kind of that there's like um um a tool that can be used to stop the chimp later on. Yes. Like a chimp escape uh clause or parachute.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:12

Yeah. I feel like also reading this that I put in like three different kinds of endings, you know, is like the kid's on his way out, so that implies that maybe this infection will go into a wider sense, but also that it's continuing right now on the school of you know, of Astoria Elementary.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:34

Don't turn your back on the ocean.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:37

This is a thing in the Pacific Northwest. Oh, is it? Yes. I heard this on the last episode. Yeah. And my wife is from Washington State. So now I am a Pacific Northwesterner by marriage.

SPEAKER_08 1:04:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:55

Her mother always told her, never turn your back on the ocean. That's like a thing. We were raised on Lake Michigan, not a thing. You were raised on the sun coast of Florida.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:06

Yeah, that are you they said run into it, dude. It's fun.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:10

Maybe a manatee will like give you a little smooch. Yeah. But on the in the Pacific Northwest, it's apparently very dangerous. So that is that's like a tenant. It's like part of the lore. Yeah. Do not turn your back to the ocean.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:26

So what we thought was just a very strange line was the only actual like local work that these writers did on writing about the PNW.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:36

Yeah, yeah. There was actually like a day during the shoot where Kurt Cobain showed up and um they're like, Oh my god, like, thank you for coming. Like, I don't know why you're here. And he's like, just put in this line. Like, this is the most important thing.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:49

It's the one thing he wanted to do in his life.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:51

Yeah, I need to impart this on this like Arnold Speaker. Then I can leave the movie. My work here is done. And then after that, he he did the thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:59

He did the dance.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:00

He did the damn thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:01

Um A story Oregon, I know you guys talked about like a story organ was a thing in the 80s and 90s. Goonie did you talk about how Goonies was also set in Astoria Oregon? We did not.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:12

We kind of touched on it, yeah, but not we didn't go in depth.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:15

Yeah. It's a beautiful part of the country. Highly recommend it. Don't turn your back on the ocean.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:21

Dude, I have no idea. Yeah, so you had the Goonies, Twin Peaks, and Kindergarten cop at the same time? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:28

And Ken Griffey Jr. probably.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:30

Ooh, yeah. Wow, what an era. And Grunge was still on the horizon.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:34

Yeah, like that that was still happening too. Soundgarden?

SPEAKER_07 1:06:37

That's when you could like go see Sound Garden like in Capitol Hill in Seattle, like at some little venue. Allison Chains, just like before they blew up. Can you imagine? Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:48

I can't even.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:49

When you were listening to Allison Chains, dad got into it quite a bit. Yeah, yeah. And then he started saying Allison Chains and I always thought it was Allison Chains, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:59

Oh, like her name was Alice and Chains. My my dad also would um rib on my sister, who was like super into grunge at that time. So she had a huge crush on Eddie Vetter and his like beautiful lips. Um, which like makes sense now, but like my dad, it was super funny, so he kept saying like Eddie Veteran. And she's like, It's not Eddie Veteran, Dad, it's Eddie Vedder.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:21

Our dad rarely clowned on us for music.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:23

He Yeah, he was kind of into it. He like wanted to be a part of it. And he's still, you know, like you got him into Gogol Bordello.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:31

You've seen more Gogol Bordello shows than I have.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:34

Anyone in America, I think. Yeah. And he like maybe some of the members of the band, because it's like a collective and like a horn player can't do the twist.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:41

One of them living in Astoria.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:43

Yeah, a lot of God, stop hitting the phone. Yeah, stop hitting the phone.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:46

This is the first time I've done it.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:47

Can you go away from the microphone just a little bit?

SPEAKER_08 1:07:49

You kicked, and I didn't even call you out. Wait, I kicked the table or the stand? You uh well, both. Your shin hit the stand, your fucking foot hit the first time I met you, Jordan.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:56

I told you that you look like uh Eugene Hutz. Yeah a little bit. He does. Yeah, it's cool.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:01

I did see Gogo Bordello at Barb Base in Brooklyn like before the blow up once. Yeah. It was like, oh, what a cool shit. Before pre-9-11. No, no, no. This would have been like early aughts, but post-9-11.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:15

Oh, I thought that's what you meant by the blow-up.

SPEAKER_09 1:08:20

Got that.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:21

I like this concept. Yeah, man. What a time.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:28

Welcome to Thunderdome.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:29

Uh I saw them at the rave, the Eagles ballroom, the last playing place of the Big Bopper and uh the other two. Buddy Holly, Richie Vallon. I I only care about the Big Bopper.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:42

Goodbye, baby. You know, I was a big fan of the pilot. He was a really nice guy, but no one remembers him.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:50

Um but seriously.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:53

He was 35 years old. He had a wife and kids.

SPEAKER_08 1:08:56

Saga Google Bordello. They were opening for like Avenge Sevenfold or something, and they were the first, I think, of like three openers. And especially in that little um space, it was like so fucking kinetic, and he was like drinking wine the entire time. At one point, one of the drummers who I think we've probably met at some point, um rode her fucking timpany drum over the audience, like a crowd surf with the drum. Uh, and then I saw them at a huge venue in Chicago with our father many years later, and it was almost the exact same show. Huh. Uh, but in a much larger venue. And then I saw them another time, and while it was like always fun, and I like if you get down into like the moshing and stuff, it's like a great time. Yeah. Um, it is generally a show that follows a very similar format. And uh I I would stop being excited by it.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:46

Is it because your dad liked it? Yeah, it's kind of like it.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:48

Dude, you get him into something that's like, oh, yeah. I got everyone likes it. I got my dad via our nephew now in the L C D sound system and RTC. Yep. But I'll talk about it. This is probably the band I've seen the most live, you know? It is. And it's like the same. This is all especially now that they like do residencies at like crypto.com, whatever fundraising events or whatever. And it's just all the same thing. Yeah. But the first time, or if you just like really get into it, it's it's great. But it's like, okay, now that our dad likes it, I'm I can let it go a little bit, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:18

Um, Graham has really been our nephew, has really been enjoying nine-inch nails. Do you think you got Ray into that?

SPEAKER_07 1:10:24

I don't know. That's a tougher one for Ray. Yeah. Because they're a little bit more overtly anti-establishment. At least they had been then. But like, yeah, he he went and saw him. He was like posting clips of them, like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's all it's like, but that's like the dad rock, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:10:39

The the the nine-inch nails now, yeah. We're about to be dads, you know? Yeah, I know. I damn.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:44

In between this episode and the next episode, I might have a baby.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:48

Um, with that's very exciting, actually. Yeah. Um, with all of this, I just want to. I'm sitting with two kind of uh soon to be fathers right in front of me. Um, I wrote this, and what I wanted to write about here was kind of the legacy that we pass on. Um, this is probably a very tender subject for both of you right now. Um so let's just lift it into the space of, you know, what do you what do you want to give in the same vein as like uh I'll say it's not great, but cake I learned from our father, and it was just because he continued to like listen to music and that kind of thing. They might be giants, he got uh me into. I don't know if you were the one who discovered that.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:36

He's stealing your bars, essentially. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:38

But what if you could give a band to your kid?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:42

It wouldn't be fucking cake, dude. I'll tell you that much. I want my kid to be have friends.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:46

Cake is wrong. Cake is one of the worst live shows I've ever seen. Oh, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:52

Yeah, but you saw him like within the last five years, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:11:54

Yeah, it's probably like yelling about hippies or something.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:56

No, he loves hippies. Oh he just talks too much.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:00

In a less charismatic way than before.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:02

He talks more than he plays music, is all.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:04

Yeah, I'm gonna have my daughter really into Ween. Ween is a cool dad bandy. No, I'm kidding. I would never do that to her. I mean, no, but it'd be fun because it's like they've got like the Spongebob element. Um Primus. Primus, yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:18

Is that your is that your area?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:20

Uh no, I I no, I don't think so. I mean, I was just like gonna go along the lines of just like getting my daughter into like 1998 South Park uh uh Jersey got me into South Park when he came home from college.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:35

We didn't have cable ever as we were kids, and he came home and he was like, I have all these like VHSs of South Park if you guys want to watch them or DVDs.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:43

No, yeah, we I had VHSs of Mr. Show. You had VHSs of Mr.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:47

Show, but you showed me South Park. Oh, interesting. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:51

It's funny because I feel like Mr. Show like sublimated into SpongeBob, you know, which like became its own thing. So, like, what's the next uh alt comedy thing that's gonna like uh be a popular kid show? It'll be like uh come town or something. Yeah, exactly. They'll make a cartoon. Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:08

I uh that's not even crazy. No, that has to make sense in the last several years, incredibly likely, actually.

SPEAKER_08 1:13:14

I I when we started talking about these bands, I was like, what it it is kind of goofy. Like a dad thing that you're passing on to your kids music-wise, should be something that's like kind of a joke, right? Because like Cake is kind of sarcastic in the presentation of things. They might be giants are definitely like a semi-humorous band. So, like, would it be like weird owl or something semi-humorous that you would pass on? Okay, yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, a Primus, I think. You know, even a sublime, I think, would fit.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:44

Yeah, I mean, I for for my niece or whatever, I found myself doing that kind of like overtly uncle thing. Yeah, but it was uh it was Blink 182, and it was like, Yeah, say it ain't so I will not go. And I was like, okay, Audrey, do na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na and I had her doing that while it was playing, and I was like singing it while she was doing it, and I feel like she was kind of like getting into it. Yeah. So I was like, okay, well, you know, it's still an amazing song that's kind of an amazing song. So like it was like fun to see her like participate in music. And I think Blink 182 like are are funny.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:19

They like get the joke, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:20

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:21

And then I made her listen to all the um uh later albums and like a compl like like a little later weezer, you know, where you're sort of like, okay, this is Hurley. Yeah, you know. Now, first you need to watch all of Lost in order to understand the reference. Wait, okay, so the thing about I don't know, I don't maybe it's just me, but like I want my child to tell me what he's into. Yeah. So I'm not gonna, you know, try to make like a memory. I hope you like Minecraft. Yeah, I know. Fucking bluey and shit. Um, no, but yeah, maybe Bjork or something. I don't know. And then um Bjork funny. But like he brought it to me. The yeah, yeah, I don't know. He just like picked it up and was like, Daddy.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:54

Well, he said this like word to me, and I like put it in Google Translate because I didn't know. I thought it was like Goo Google Gaga. It was Icelandic for daddy put on that Bjork vinyl.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:04

It was Hope Bjork, it was Hope Landish, the invented language of the band, Sigur Ross.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:10

But he was actually talking about Bjork. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:12

Hope landish, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:13

Yeah. No, your child is very uh advanced in that way. I was impressed.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:17

But I think that the question about dadhood, and I thank you for like creating and holding space for us as dads to be, but I feel like it's like car ownership, like until you drive it off the lot, like you don't own it. So we're still like dads to be. Yeah, and I know it's like we're talking about and we've but we have to do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:31

Yeah, I'm I'm trying to like leave the dealership, like as like you know, yeah. I don't know, like I'm trying to like get out, you know.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:38

Like I mean, I think it's too much.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:40

Like I did the test drive and I was like, okay. All right, cool. Um I'm gonna go to fucking Olive Garden.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:46

I didn't expect this metaphor to be interrogated. Yeah, I'm ready. But I think I think the better question or the uh another question is like if you think about the 90s bands, like now, it's like I was watching the Super Bowl pre-show, and I was like, who would have thought like Green Day would have had like still be relevant for so many years after and have like a Broadway musical of me playing the Super Bowl and all this stuff? Like who's the band now? And then there's like cake or whatever, like they could have gone opposite ways, you know. So who's the the are the bands now like who has staying power and who's like not gonna make it, you know? Of like, I don't know, the aughts or now.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:17

Yeah, I don't think the chain smokers are gonna make it.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:20

I don't think they have made it.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:21

Like I think they're already yeah, they're already gone, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:16:24

Yeah, they're they're not really doing much. Like a brief cigarette. Yeah, I mean, oh boy. Out, out. I'm like, is it like a Jamie XX or something, you know? Like, is that like the good thing that you want to show your kid and be like, oh, this this was happening in the aughts?

SPEAKER_08 1:16:41

Um, I I wish Shaboozy, I would give my kids some shaboozy, I think.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:45

Dude, yeah, I'd show my kids. I I actually whisper shabozy into my wife's.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:49

I have a dream that kids of all nations, creeds, and colors will listen to shabbuzi.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:55

There's the part in the I Have a Dream speech where he starts talking about shabozy.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:00

Shout out to Shabuzi. Yeah. Um this is great. I think legacy is important. That's why I wanted to uh one show Arnold a good time on his way out. Maybe introduce Dominic at the end as uh as a maybe potential hero for the future. Oh, Jeremy Renner.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:19

Oh, that would be good. No, or he's the um the son from White Lotus that's legitimately Arnold's killer. Oh, Patrick, yeah. Yes. The incestuous one.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:30

Jersey, I just want to call you out actually on this, and it's it's a good call out. I'm I'm giving you your stars here. Um You said that I treated Dominic as a joke at the end. And I did. And it's mostly because I was making him myself in this situation, where he's just like, hey, did you know that if you use a gun in a situation, you're more likely to kill somebody that is not supposed to be killed with that gun or kill yourself than you're gonna actually do real work with it? Um and uh I didn't want to write those things in because I was like, this is just gonna become pedantic.

SPEAKER_07 1:18:09

Let me tell you what, that self-insert of yourself as a screenwriter of the movie that we just watched, read. Unnecessary only because you said that message with the film itself.

SPEAKER_08 1:18:23

Yeah. That's why I made it a joke then, too, is to say that he rattles off statistics.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:28

Is that why there's a note in the script that says uh Dominic Older can only be played by David Hogg? And he has to like be a clown. Why does it say all that stuff?

SPEAKER_08 1:18:44

Because I'm ashamed of myself. That's really vulnerable.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:48

My biggest question too is like, there's more lore in the show. I feel like the listener needs to know. There's an older brother, right?

SPEAKER_08 1:18:55

No, no, there's a middle middle brother. Oh, okay. Inconsequential to our diamond.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:00

Okay, then fuck that. Then it doesn't matter. I was just wondering, I was like, is there like an older brother that can come and like be like, oh, jersey gonna do this shit? And it's like, oh, there's three jerseys. Okay. There's like fun-loving jersey, but like, you know, there's always a bigger fish.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:13

There is an older sister who's an older who will be in town to meet the baby in the summer. What?

SPEAKER_02 1:19:18

Oh, that's very what's her name? Amber Amber. She fucking probably owns all of you guys. I'm not even kidding.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:24

She's on like another level. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:25

Yeah. She's she'll never hear this. She's Gen X yuppie trash. No, I love her. Um but she is like a Gen X yuppie.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:35

She's the one who got she's the one who introduced Ray to They Might Be Giants.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:38

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:39

She's the one who a lot of the stuff that you're thinking you found.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:42

Um, the best thing about her is that she doesn't like stuff. She hates movies. She hates movies, she doesn't really listen to music. She loved theater, but mostly being in it, she doesn't like to go see it because she musically thinks it's bad. She hates musicals, she likes food. Which I like a lot, so we relate on that. She loves her son. And she loves her son. But like, yeah, you can't you can't be like, Do you want to go do this thing? She'll be like, I don't like doing that thing.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:12

She loves being a landlord. You could be like, Do you want to go be a landlord? And she'd be like, Oh my god, I'm doing that all day. Oh my god. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:17

Are you guys talking about section eight housing?

SPEAKER_08 1:20:19

Um, our brother Tobias, um, he would love to be here. Yeah, he loves he is somehow this uh middle range where he is also somehow the most anxious, but at the same time the most chill person.

SPEAKER_09 1:20:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:34

So he would just like vibe and like say the funniest thing you've heard any of us say. But it'd be like 30% volume. Yeah, 30% volume, and he would just say like one thing, and then he like wouldn't talk for a while. Yeah. And then he would start really talking about like Section 8 housing and stuff like that. Yeah, right. Oh, I see. Okay. Um, yeah, he's like a democratic organizer or like statistic analyzer in Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:57

Bless him.

unknown 1:20:58

Damn.

SPEAKER_08 1:20:58

Doing the Lord's work. Yeah, he's got his work cut out for him. Four kids and a wife of so long. And two dogs, maybe one or maybe two again.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:08

Just like perpetually fighting Paul Ryan, I feel like that's what a lot of that was a lot of that.

SPEAKER_06 1:21:14

Remember Scott Walker? Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:17

I wish I could forget. Those guys are like actually irrelevant because like now they probably look good compared to what's happening.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:23

Oh, yeah, it's a c total sketch clearing, and now it's just like MTG, MT, yeah, MTG, and people BoBert, people like that. Yes.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:31

We can talk about this more on the inherently more political movie we'll be discussing soon. Oh, you think so? Yeah. I just want to say right now we're gonna get into a quick segment and then end the show. Jude!

SPEAKER_02 1:21:43

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:43

I have a segment called It's a Pun, you idiot!

unknown 1:21:47

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:48

You got this. Oh my god. No.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:50

I don't need you to tell me if something is a pun or not a pun. We've learned neither one of us knows the answer to that. Okay, so I'm glad that you're making the rules. Jordan's really good. Someone who admittedly just said that they don't know.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:01

He's grown over the course of this episode.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:03

Um, I'm going to describe an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie to you. Okay. You will have to tell me the name of that film.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:10

I love this.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:11

Okay. Okay. Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a French man on the countryside. It is a romp uh filled with bitter leafy vegetables and endless amounts of marijuana and wine.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:22:28

Go into the catacombs of Jordan's mind. Oh my god. He came up with a pun, and then he's come up with a movie premise to justify the pun.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:35

But it is an Arnold Schwarzenegger title of a movie is the answer to this question. Oh. So go into your knowledge of Arnold Schwarzenegger film.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:47

Uh okay, so it's uh romp through France with lots of weed.

SPEAKER_08 1:22:52

And leafy bitter vegetables. Uh think like um religious action film. Not dogma. No. He's not in that.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:04

I mean, the one that came the the religious action way that came to me was End of Days. Yes. Yeah, that's it? Yes. Where Gabriel Byrne plays the devil. What's the movie called? 1999. Oh. Haphazard Rump. Endive Days. Endive Days.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:18

Endive Days. Okay. Okay, here's the.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:21

I mean, if it was in France, they say On Thief Days, but that's On Thief Days.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:24

Yeah, I was like, I was like Jing Kale all the way. Jing Kale all the way.

SPEAKER_07 1:23:27

That was good. I was thinking of Kale too. Yeah. Oh.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:29

Um, okay, this is a documentary about Jersey. By the way. Okay. Thank you. This is a documentary. The actual movie is a documentary as well. About Jersey and his uh his his attempt to make money in his profession.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:49

I got it. Just say it. I'm never gonna get this.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:52

Is this punning iron? Pun King Iron. Oh, pun King Iron, my girl. Okay, uh, this is a buddy flick about a person who has an encyclopedic knowledge of liquor and spirits and a ice cream cone.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:11

I feel like this is giving puns a bad name.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:14

Yeah, this is of course Karen Runza Bennett.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:16

I'll just give you this one. This is Cone and the Barbarian. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:22

That's it.

SPEAKER_07 1:24:23

Here's the other thing about puns, dude. Like, they don't necessarily have to be enjoyable or funny. Yeah. So that like I actually hate most puns. As like the pun guy of the country or whatever. I think most of them are bad and should be eliminated. Yeah. It's like when people, it's like, it's like you just because you know two words sound the same, you don't have to do anything about it. You can just move on. But some people just can't move on.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:47

This is actually why I stopped when in the last episode I said the pun circuit competition wasn't uh up to my level.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:54

Oh yeah, I didn't comment on that yet.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:56

Yeah, it's not because like I think I'm the best at doing it, it's just that I think the people judging it and creating the competitions are at fault for making poor competitions.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:06

It should just be funnier, you know.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:08

It should be funnier. Uh or like what's happening right here. I know these aren't good. Okay, okay. I like that they're dumb. It doesn't have to be done.

SPEAKER_07 1:25:16

Well, I could have- You know, it's like this is a dominic right here, because he's like, it doesn't matter, I'm undermining it. It's actually funny. Because if you don't put yourself out there, you can't get hurt, Jork.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:26

Alright, dude. This is one about a guy trying to make his friend Ando ejaculate.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:33

Commando.

SPEAKER_08 1:25:34

Commando.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:36

There we go. That was that was good because I got it. No, I couldn't stop picturing you when you said that thing, which is funny that Jersey brought it up because now I'm going back to like when you said that. Um, I couldn't stop picturing you in like the color of money or something. Where it's like you get like older and you're just like going to like young pun guys, and you're like, let's go to pun competitions and kind of like punk like people who think that they're like funny or whatever. Because it's not about being funny, it's about like it's about the words, bro.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:04

And then just getting up there and bombing. Yeah. So hard. Yeah. Okay, finally. All right. We have a movie about a group of men who are inflatable and dangerous. Predators? I I don't know. Jersey? No, I don't know. The Expandables. Oh, the Expandables. I don't even think of that as a yeah. I mean, produced Sylvester Stallone, Arn Schwarzenegger, of course.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:30

That's really like the chicken foot of movies, though, like a bunch of old.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:34

I like to refer to Schwarzenegger. You like late stage Schwarzenegger? My dad actually passed away from late-stage Schwarzenegger. I'm sorry to hear that. It's okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:43

Um, I he's only gotten better. Yeah. Um, I think the performance that I ask of him in the scripts, he is more than uh a deft enough man to perform.

SPEAKER_07 1:26:53

He's doing legacy sequels, right? They're they're doing so many Terminator, they're doing twins two triplets.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:59

Yeah, he's like pretty freshly divorced, right? That's great. When you get a freshly divorced guy, you can really go in a lot of different directions.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:06

Dude, Maria Shriver, get out of here.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:09

Yeah. You know, the Kennedys are just a rich legacy of of uh American excellence. It's a shame that Arnold couldn't be president.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:17

That's a shame that he was brought down so tragically and Hoffa wouldn't even raise. Do you think Hoffa would raise the flag for Arnold? Oh, Kennedy.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:26

Uh would Hoffa raise the flag for Arnold? I mean, if Danny DeVito was there, he would.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:31

For sure. I think he would. I think they need to get rid of the law where, like, if you have an accent, you can't be president.

SPEAKER_07 1:27:36

Yeah. How do you think Carl Weathers feels that both of the other guys from Predator have been governors of states of America as like the third highest thing on their resume?

SPEAKER_02 1:27:46

Yeah, Carl Weathers should have just invented Bitcoin to like get back at all of them. You know what I mean? Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:27:52

Jude, thank you so much uh for reading this with me.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:55

Uh Jordan, thank you so much for inviting your brother on here who completely vindicated me. In all of my um my angst, my storm und drang feels very uh German word for chill.

SPEAKER_07 1:28:08

He's speaking so many languages, including the language of confidence, because this is a space that is supportive of and recognizes Jude.

SPEAKER_08 1:28:16

I'm excited to see how this evolves. Jersey by identifying the gump within me, I think I am now more centralized in my gump and uh able to kind of step forward in my gump persona, maybe just one step at a time, but that is still forward. Uh Jude, any thoughts on your gumpness?

SPEAKER_02 1:28:38

Uh I think my gump is expanding in ways that I think might uh you know commandeer the podcast potentially. I feel like I've got a newfound confidence. Um uh my commandeering and use of the German language is also giving me an irrational sense of uh you know wanting to take over uh certain certain members. Um so I think uh yeah, on the next episode uh might just be uh a monologue, you know, like a mailbag or something.

SPEAKER_08 1:29:03

It's just what I feared. Uh it has begun. Initiate protocol 14. Thank you so much, everyone. Bye. Bye.