Rick and the Hill of Beans

Maybe inside this hill of beans we call an episode, there is a sequel to Casablanca.

Who am I kidding? We mostly talk about Spencers.

What is the return on investment for a prayer?

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

So, Jude, this is coming out like very quickly after both our kindergarten cop record and our Casablanca record. I think that people might be a little upset because like in the kindergarten cop episode, I didn't lean into, you know, John Kimball like mowing down a bunch of children infected with rage virus, like we kind of talked about.

SPEAKER_04 0:26

So you did read so you did read that post on the subwriting.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I um I started writing the script and I kind of just felt bad writing about shooting kindergartners in a school.

SPEAKER_04 0:40

Related, semi-related. Yeah. But um I did not see the new movie with Robert Pattinson and uh Zendaya. The drama? The drama. Oh yeah. But I've been told The Spoiler. The spoiler.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Oh, don't spoil it.

SPEAKER_04 0:58

I wouldn't, I wouldn't dare. But did you I know the spoiler, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

Did you have that in mind too when you were writing? No, I Ana only told me about it later on. She spoiled it for me.

SPEAKER_04 1:12

Okay. Yeah. I feel like I've seen three different sets of people actively spoiling it for someone else. And each time it's elicited a different reaction.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:23

Um, which is which is a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

Haym is getting a lot of praise for her role in the film. So Haim.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

The band?

SPEAKER_03 1:34

The woman. The actor. I don't know who that is. You're gonna need to get that closer to your mouth. I don't know who that is. Haim from Haim. From Licorice Pizza.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

Alana. Alana Haym and from one battle after the other.

SPEAKER_04 1:51

She was in that for uh not very long, which I I thought I was really grateful for. Yeah, you said you liked when her head got bloated. Well, I don't know. I I just uh I was I just wondered about the staying power of Haym. I'm can't be the only one that's curious why this is still dragging this Haym thing out from 2015.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

I was also thinking about when we talked about bands that are art musical artists that have staying power. Yeah. And I remembered Cat's Eye.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

You know Cat's Eye? Yeah, of course. I think they are have staying power. You think so? That is so insane. Yeah. Are you joking? Am I joking? Yeah. No.

SPEAKER_04 2:35

You also told me that Hawk Tua was gonna like come out with like a new concept album that you thought was gonna like rival Astral Weeks. I'm excited to see what she does next with her career. I'm excited to see what she does next with with my thing.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

Yeah, we have she has to come up with a whole new move.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

I'm excited to see what she does next with my fucking money, bro.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

You gave her money? All of it. Oh my god. Oh no, not the two coin.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Get the buckle ready.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

Welcome to Squeakels. It's a sequel podcast. We believe that every movie deserves a sequel. It's also a lifestyle podcast. We believe in the shining light of Gump and the ever-knowing voice, uh, which guides us daily. Uh, Shrimps is in studio with us today. Hello back, Shrimps.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Hello back to you.

SPEAKER_03 3:36

Hello back. Um, as always, Jude.

SPEAKER_04 3:39

Hi, Jude. Uh, hi Jordan, spit on that thing. I'm taking that one for a ride.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

Um every week we uh talk about a movie, we pitch three possible sequels, uh, we choose one of those sequels, and then the next week we bring it in and read it for you to uh we read it for you to to listen to in this in this space. It can be today. Yeah. Uh we also give you um updates on our journey through gumpism and uh how we are gumping up in our lives. Jude, we've checked in with you pretty often. Shrimps, you haven't been on in a while. Have you uh made any efforts or seen any progress in uh your uh journey through gumpism?

SPEAKER_01 4:23

Gumping up if I may have a refresher. Yeah. Is kind of accidentally stumbling into success.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

Uh yes, but we, you know, I think codifying it into, you know, personal action, um, you know, creating a space, a path of least resistance within your life so that you can uh gump, you can create a gump within. Just the fact the the the the question in your face right now means that you haven't thought about gump.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

I haven't been thinking about gump. I think I may have gumped.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

You you might have gumped? Okay, this is nice. Yeah. Was there tell us this story?

SPEAKER_04 5:05

Uh it's not a particularly interesting story, but I've Oh, we may never Well, I have to say, by actually not thinking about gumping up, you may have actually succeeded in gumping.

SPEAKER_03 5:17

You were probably gumping hard.

SPEAKER_04 5:19

And he also said he lost thousands of dollars with the Hawk Tua thing, so gumpism also cost thousands of dollars, so you're uh probably doing it and not even realizing it.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

You could be I may go viral on social media for losing my life fortune to the Hawk Tua coin and thus gain more fortune than I had before.

SPEAKER_03 5:35

Yeah. And then you have big gump up. In like 30 years, meme coins are gonna be like super valuable. And I'm still holding.

SPEAKER_04 5:43

And you're still holding. Yeah, they're gonna come back like um 90s new balance sneakers.

SPEAKER_01 5:47

Yeah, retro. Um, and I'm gonna be holding several thousand dollars of Hoktua coin.

SPEAKER_03 5:55

Hell yeah. So Shrimps, tells this boring ass story.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Uh well, I started woodworking. Hell yeah. And then I started talking to the fine folks at the Astoria Woodworker Collective. And I was meaning to sign up for another class there, and I was like, I'm gonna learn so much, it's gonna be great. And it sold out immediately. And I was like, damn, I really wanted to do that. And then I went there just to chat because they had an open house. And then randomly through chit-chatting with the owners and stuff, they were like, Do you want to get trained to be a shop supervisor? And I was like, sure. So instead of having to do this class once a week, I now just sign up for supervising shifts and I get to use the workshop for free.

SPEAKER_04 6:43

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

Without even having the knowledge. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

But they're like, take this jigsaw and have a really good fucking time. Run wild. Yeah. Did they give you like a badge and gun? They're like, you can supervise the shop. If anyone acts up, you know, like you know how to abuse them. Hit them, hit them between the chest and the groin so you don't leave a visible bruise. Stand your ground. Yeah, if they just step on a certain line, you can beat the shit out of them if they're not doing correctly.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Yeah, and I'm drawing lines all over the place.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

It's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Um but yeah, I think I gumped up a little bit with the opportunity, and everybody that uses the shop, thankfully, is more experienced than me. So even though I'm supervising, I'm mostly just opening it up and being there, cleaning it, and then if I have questions, there's all these very experienced people there that I can ask.

SPEAKER_04 7:34

That's literally the definition of a manager. Someone that's like managing people that know more than them. That's that's so true.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Now that I think about it that way, you're in you're in management, baby. You've absolved you're my guilt, dude.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

You're also not getting paid, too, right? I am not getting paid. Yeah, that is also that's also a great internal management.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

It's like a trade-off of like we don't get paid, but we get to use the shop for free.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

That's awesome. Um, I just want to say, because we're not remote, Jude just made a very good joke that I want to get clean on this.

SPEAKER_04 8:06

Of course, absolutely. Oh, you didn't get paid? That's also makes you a manager.

SPEAKER_03 8:11

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Fuck yes. Uh Jude and I both came uh to this podcast fresh from disenfranchisement with management positions in hospitality.

SPEAKER_04 8:22

Hell yeah. Uh, you got out of it. I went right back for more. Yeah. I'm in deep.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

I'm thinking uh I I'm thinking of getting a job at your restaurant.

SPEAKER_04 8:29

Really? Do you want a job? Yeah. I can probably get you one. All right, I'll take it. But we'll probably get sick of each other and then this podcast will completely fall apart.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

No, it'll give us more things to talk about on the podcast. Drama.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

It'll be a beef podcast.

SPEAKER_03 8:42

It already kind of is a beef podcast. But Jude recently, um, and I don't want to spoil anything coming up in the future, but Jude got a pep talk from my brother. My brother came on and really glazed up Jude.

SPEAKER_04 8:58

Dude, glazed me up, but more importantly, he dressed you down. And it really empowered me to know all of your different modes. Uh, and then actually, Steph, my wife, listened to the episode, and then she started out pointing other things that you do. So she was like, oh my god, Jersey's so funny. Um, and then she was like, Is he hot? And I was like, Yeah, dude, super hot and funny. And yeah, yeah, yeah. No, she didn't say that, but she probably thought it. And then I she said you do like a Milwaukee accent too. You like you you edge into it when you're also nervous. I'm gonna look out for that.

SPEAKER_03 9:31

It's either when I'm like it's mostly when I'm like just feeling the flow of things. You know, it's like, okay, but my Milwaukee accent does come out when I get defensive, mostly because when I say no, that's my most Milwaukee word is no. What the heck? No. Yeah, I don't like this. I don't like that now your wife is on your side too. She was on my side for a while. She was on Jordan's side for a really long time. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

So yeah. She's a turncoat.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

We need you to remain neutral territory.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

In terms of choosing one of you? Yeah. I'll be neutral. Good, good. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 10:10

Yeah, but much like the disenfranchised bullied kid in a school, um, I have been given the proverbial gun uh to pull out of my backpack and use whenever I want. Yeah. So yeah, I'm powerful.

SPEAKER_03 10:22

I was already scared enough of you.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

Yeah, yeah. I always had that weird kind of glazed overlook in my eye, but uh your brother really brought it out. And uh I feel like that can be my gump of the week. I'm going to um you just you're creating segments now? Yeah, yeah. This is my gump of the week. Dude's gump of the week. That was ordained to me by your brother. Um, so he was uh whatever god uh forest worships, that is Jersey.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

As I said, and there's much more growth coming up in another episode that's the one where you get a bonus jersey. Um, but uh yeah, I I do get dressed down, I got put in my place a little bit, and I'm happy to, you know, be in a much more secure place. I was floundering, I was up in the air thinking that I had to run and manage this podcast all on my own, and you kept saying, like, I'll do whatever you need, I'll do whatever you need. And then I was like, We'll just do something and we can use it. And then Jersey said, Hey, Jude, you're capable, you are amazing, you're an invaluable part of this podcast, which I definitely believe. And then you said uh you got this confidence, and now you just made your own segment.

SPEAKER_04 11:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jude's gump of the week. I love it. Thanks.

SPEAKER_03 11:35

I love this new confidence.

SPEAKER_04 11:37

Well, you also I am not resisting this grab for power. Yeah, but I'm just take power, please. I'm just using it. I'm just using it because um you already kind of did it with shrimp, so I'm just putting a name on it. So, you know, whatever. That's what I'm here for. I love it. I love it too.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

So this week, kind of in a similar thing with uh how I didn't feel comfortable making John Kimball mow down a bunch of like zombie-infested kindergartners, uh, and so I made it a very um kind of like anti-gun um story uh set in a a rage-infected uh kindergarten. I looked at Casablanca and the breadth of this and how important it is to me. And god jude, it felt daunting. A hill of beans? No, a mountain of beans. I have no script for you. So you didn't prepare? I did the jude. I don't I don't want to do the jude because I'm much better just being me who doesn't care than trying to be jude, but I did not prepare anything for this week.

SPEAKER_04 12:46

That is so fucked up that you would do that. You didn't even message me. You didn't even like prepare me in the slightest. Like I I could have, you know, I had some free time today. Okay. Yeah, and I was just going through fucking files on assassinations and stuff, and I learned a lot, but I could have been spending that time working on the hell of beans. I could have put something together.

SPEAKER_01 13:08

I know, and you dragged me out here. I did show pony in nothing.

SPEAKER_03 13:12

What? I'm hoping maybe at some point we can use our improv skills. I know that you took one-on-one at UCB. I sure did.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

I graduated with a B. Really? Yeah. I think so.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Um, Jude, you've been uh part of an improv troupe or something before?

SPEAKER_04 13:31

I uh yeah, I used to do uh I used to do classes at UCB, but I did leave. I remember specifically leaving when they started saying they were giving grades. I remember thinking that that was really stupid.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

Yeah. Well, like every didn't you get don't you get like a mid-semester like report card that's like, hey, you're at this level. If you want to get up to A, you can do these things. Oh, I checked my dashboard all the time.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

Yeah, there was a I didn't even know there was a dashboard. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 14:00

Yeah, they made like a student dashboard for it. We need to I I think more needs to be said about how poorly run ECP like it was and is.

SPEAKER_03 14:09

Yeah. Like a company that's been like a staple of the comedy community for decades still is like a company that does not pay its workers, uh, does not have like a functioning system in place.

SPEAKER_04 14:24

I and I think what happened too is specifically is like the you know, they were super successful, so like the people that were doing well and like good at improv, they're like, okay, well now you're the you manage the books now, you know, and it's just like a a 36-year-old guy that's just trying to like hook up with 20-year-old like NYU students is like now suddenly like financially on the line for a business that's like you know, running classes, and and I feel like when you don't have systems in place and you instill like a classroom style college model, you're just gonna have a bunch of controversies like controversial stuff happen.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

So uh Shrimps, did you only do your 101 like showcase or like presentation at that big theater, or did you go to any of the other theaters ever?

SPEAKER_01 15:12

It was just at the big one.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

So do you remember when they moved into the old Pearl Theater like down on like 10th? That was like the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

SPEAKER_04 15:20

They this this company is operated out of like basement theaters and like you know, yeah, and they're like, okay, let's get a pristinium off-Broadway stage, and that will translate perfectly for like people that literally in the old UCB shows, it would be like the front row was people sitting like um crisscross applesauce, drinking um like PBRs, yeah. Yeah, and like and like getting drunk and whatever, you're right there in the action, and then they were like, Alright, now it's Priscenium, and we're doing all these like weird high concept shows that no one really cares about. Um and aren't that funny?

SPEAKER_03 15:55

It was very good to be Did you ever use your free show pass to go see other shows?

SPEAKER_01 16:00

So I we had to. Yes, you you're like required to see two or whatever. So I begrudgingly went at the very last minute. I think I almost like didn't like I had like one of the ones I went to was on like the last possible day because I just like completely forgot. Yeah. I did not take it seriously at all. I was hung over every single every single class.

SPEAKER_04 16:23

Well, I I think that makes you better, right? Because like I think you're not supposed to take it seriously, right? I I mean I get it, like improv is totally an art, and you can you you're you get better at it by doing more reps, but it's like to treat it the way that they were treating it is so silly to me. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

Yeah, I I I mean this is not me disagreeing with you guys, this is just like a full difference of personality. Like, if I'm spending five hundred dollars on something, I'm like buying into it, you know. I am like, hey, a great cult member. I am. I I've probably said that uh a couple times on this show before, but it like it needs to have incentive for me, and I could like see these tools being useful for myself, and I did find that like being in that space, I was like quicker, and I just said this to you about the podcast is like it's only gonna get quicker and funnier the more we do it together and with other people in the room. So like I was like, I'm better at being funny now doing this. I'm gonna surround myself in the don't think yes and uh what else community.

SPEAKER_04 17:27

Yeah, and I objectively agree with you, and also that yeah, this podcast is like the funniest thing in the world, and um probably better than than any other podcast to come before it. But I think my biggest beef with UCB is like they're kind of putting a monopoly on like or you know, feeling like they're the end-all be-all of like training centers. You have to go here if you want to do improv. And then they make it completely impossible to like get on their stages and do shows, like indie shows or whatever, because they're all taking up all the stage time. So it's like you don't end up doing as much improv as you like to do. It like the the you're gonna be happier if you like improv, just doing improv with your buddies, you know, for six months, just like this podcast, you know. Like if we took$500 podcast classes, we would just wouldn't be doing great, I think.

SPEAKER_03 18:18

Depends on who's teaching it. If it's one of the one of the godfathers, yeah, like Opie and Anthony.

SPEAKER_04 18:23

Oh god, we'd do it great. Well, that's who would teach it, right? It would be like Opie and Anthony. Yeah. Washed up. Washed up like shock jock or something.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:36

Um the guy from Girls Gone Wild or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 18:39

I mean, I think like Howard Stern would be a great person to like do the master class on podcasting. Yes. And it's like you just gumped into podcasting because you had a radio show that people just will not stop listening to, even though it's not good anymore.

SPEAKER_04 18:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:55

And also like thinking of a million billion dollar empire.

SPEAKER_04 18:58

Yeah, and like even thinking about because I'd only like previously heard about him before like the whole like guys thing, the guys podcasting where they cover Shocktober and they talk about like Grease Man. Yeah. Like I was aware that he existed, but like his whole career was just kind of stumbling into being like, Oh, I you know, I was living in Jacksonville and they needed a part-time radio actor. Yeah, and there just like weren't as many people back then and jobs and shit, and then now they think they're like God's gift to the earth.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

And also I'll say this about early Hollywood and early radio and all this stuff. It used to be pursuing a career in a new technology or something like that was a shameful thing to do. Yeah. And not everybody wanted to be an actor, and not everybody wanted to be on film.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Now everybody and their mother wants to be uh have a TikTok account.

SPEAKER_03 19:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Okay, okay. Including myself.

SPEAKER_03 19:51

So, Alex, this is what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna trust on your guys' improv skills to get us through this. Well, we'll maybe at some point we'll get into a read, maybe but that'll just kind of be an open jazz state.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

You got a B graduate from the UCB. I put the B in UCB. Hell yes, hell yes, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:11

B's deck bees get degrees, baby.

SPEAKER_01 20:13

God, I was not. I was bossy. I got a B for bossy.

SPEAKER_03 20:18

Did you? Did they write that in your report?

SPEAKER_01 20:20

I don't I don't remember to be honest. I wasn't paying much attention to the remote.

SPEAKER_03 20:24

Alex just going, that's not funny.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

That is funny when you tell people stuff isn't funny though. Yeah. If you can throw your other actors under the bus, that's the funniest thing of all.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

That's the UCB way. Throw everything else in the bus.

SPEAKER_04 20:36

After enough improv classes, if someone was like, oh man, this library is comfortable, and the other person says, We're not in a library, I would laugh. I would think that was really funny.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Uh it's like a you know, yeah, the art of the no but is underrated. I didn't like all the rules they set. I didn't believe in them.

SPEAKER_04 20:57

Well, actually, honestly, it would if you were with a really amazing improviser, they'd probably label you as the guy that thinks he's anywhere but a library or something. You know what I mean? So then that could that's giving them the keys.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

We also weren't in any amazing improvisers in WCP 101. You gotta be bossy, otherwise people are gonna say all sorts of crazy stuff. You gotta come in. I just came in, I mean I told you this immediately afterwards. I just would have ideas because I wanted to do the whatever it is, scene writing sketch writing. Yeah. So I would just have sketch ideas, and I would just like force people to do them.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

He would he would be like, I brought in these ideas, and I'm like, You're not they're supposed to spontaneously come up with them, and he's like, No fucking way, I'm doing that's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 21:43

It's even better if like during the scene you pull out like the fully written scripts and like hand it to the person. Yeah, here, just do this. This is supposed to happen in reality.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

I guarantee you it's fucking funny. Justin, just read this, just go with it. It's gonna be a lot funnier than whatever crap you have to say.

SPEAKER_03 21:59

I think that's kind of What we're building here, you know, and that's that's the other way is I'm gonna get us off on tangents, which I want to do, and Jude is definitely good at following those down. So I'm gonna fill this entire episode with uh improv and tangents. Um, and then I think that's what we do, Jude, is we like we open that space, and then once everybody's having fun, we we break the fun by pulling out scripts in the middle of it and being like, Hey, you should do this. Hey friend, come over to my house, hang out, and then do this script we wrote.

SPEAKER_04 22:30

You should do it on like you should do it on dates. You go out with a date, you're like hitting off, and you like slide across the table, and they're like, What's this? And it's like it's how tonight's gonna go.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

My screen's-I probably have been that guy at a point. Yeah, like when I'm in the middle of like writing a bunch of like short comedy, I'll be like, Can you just read this with me so I can know if it's funny or not? Yeah, you've done that with me.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Oh yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

Yeah, like I'm playing the Pharaoh Ramseys, and you are playing the the uh the seductive Batsheba. What even is Batsheba? Is that that's old testament? Oh, I guess there's Egyptians that too. Batsheba is oh, she was David's wife that he stole from his buddy.

SPEAKER_03 23:11

You just reminded me very tangentially. This is also gonna date this podcast, but it's coming out pretty quick. Um, about a week ago, when you're hearing this, we got clavicular um meth maxing. OD maxing. Oh, he's doing meth now? He's been doing meth almost the entire time. Yeah. Okay. Because he like doesn't drink alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Keeps the weight off.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

Yeah. Oh, okay. Uh, but on live stream, yeah, he he meth maxed. He OD'd. He OD'd on meth. Yeah, he got moged by meth.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

I don't know if it was was it meth? I think. Either way, he he definitely OD'd on something. Wait, okay. On stream.

SPEAKER_04 23:47

He pulled out okay. So I may have said this on the podcast before, and I'm sorry if I'm re-mentioning it, but like I used to think when I was like riding the subway late at night and I smelled like brakes, I used to think like, oh, the train is having a problem with its brakes.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

I'm smelling PCP.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

I'm smelling meth. Yeah. Yeah, I'm smelling someone smoking meth. Yeah. So like it's just crazy to me to think of this guy smoking meth. It's like it's like hard to believe. Can you intake meth other ways other than smoking it?

SPEAKER_03 24:13

Uh yeah. Because they like check it by like snorting it and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 24:17

Oh, so he's like snorting meth and he OD'd already. I don't know how he does it.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

I don't know either.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

Wow. Yeah, he was just like at a clerb or something.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:25

Oh my gosh. Poor guy. You know, in a lot of ways, he's like them, he's like the Marilyn Monroe of our generation. You know? Like people are getting like he's like a beautiful specimen that's like, you know, they made him change his name to clavicular.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

Famously naturally beautiful specimen.

SPEAKER_04 24:44

Yeah, like came out of nowhere. Um, like just had to completely change his life to conform to a standard that no one even knows it keeps the goalposts keep changing of what the standard is. I think I'm gonna get a clavicular um uh poster from my room and uh perform a song called uh goodbye, whatever his real name is.

SPEAKER_01 25:05

He's not dead.

SPEAKER_04 25:06

Well, he'll be dead soon.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

I would say if he keeps going with the weight that he's doing.

SPEAKER_04 25:13

How could you say that? How could you say that? Did you say the thing about Norma Jean? Goodbye, Norma Jean. Goodbye, clovicul.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

He's uh not dead. No reason to say goodbye.

SPEAKER_04 25:27

If he dies before this podcast comes out, I swear to God, I'd be so mad. Yeah. We're not gonna be able to use it.

SPEAKER_01 25:32

Yeah. Well retcon the whole thing.

SPEAKER_03 25:35

I I do not wish death upon I can't say that. I there's all this like moral superiority in saying like nobody deserves to die. Some people are not for this world. Goodbye, clavicular. That's what I say.

SPEAKER_04 25:48

Probably getting up to that next gump level. So imagine you die and then you go up to the next gump level and clavicular is like, hey dude, welcome to the party.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

Yeah, he is just ascending to his next form. And he passes you the meth pipe, and you're like, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:01

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

Um, the other thing, so the thing that really they both reminded me of each other is that did you see the video of Pete Hegzith quoting pulp fiction? Yeah, that's fresh news. That's fresh news. That's from today. That's today.

SPEAKER_04 26:16

Okay, I can't wait. So you need to tell me what happened.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Pete Hegseth is doing like a prayer at a White House event.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

At the Pentagon.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

Yeah. At the Pentagon event. Okay. And he leads it off and he quotes Was it the the Ezekiel? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

There were some words changed, and then when someone brought it up, he said that it was just handed to him by someone else.

SPEAKER_04 26:36

Okay, so he could have gotten He said from the book of Caesar too, which is like, what is that? I think it was Ezekiel 2417. Right? Isn't that? Okay. So and he said Caesar?

SPEAKER_03 26:46

Yeah, he said from the book of Caesar.

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Yeah, I don't know if that's some kind of known abbreviation.

SPEAKER_03 26:52

Dude, isn't is Hegseth like got his fingers in the fucking like Dead Sea Scroll?

SPEAKER_04 26:57

Yeah, he's got some kind of new Bible we don't know about. The apocryphal books.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

The Apocrypha, yes.

SPEAKER_04 27:03

Yeah, like the book of um the book of uh Mary Magdalene. Like maybe there's so Seesaw is some kind of new god that they're worshiping. That's awesome. That's cool.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

That's I feel like we're giving him a little too much credit for knowing how to read.

SPEAKER_03 27:17

He was probably incredibly drunk at the time. Yeah, you probably reached.

SPEAKER_01 27:21

I mean, that's standard.

SPEAKER_04 27:23

It's also funny, too, that we're like he's just talking about bombing Persians, too. I feel like that's very biblical, you know. So good for him. Um, I'm really excited to see how this all turns out. Uh I hope they make uh Iran uh I hope they reinstall the Shah, the Shah. Yeah. That's those are my two speaking points. Those are these are Jordan's current events. Hot topics by Jordan. Jordan loves using a hot topic because that's uh he got arrested for masturbating in a hot topic when he was younger. That's also something your brother told me. He's giving away all my secrets.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

I I didn't get arrested. Security took me to a room. And they're like finish on the case. I said, keep this going. But I was masturbating in a hot topic. That was the first time I ever saw like Death Note, you know.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

That's what did it for you? That chick.

SPEAKER_04 28:13

Oh, I thought it was the giant uh Miss Piggy t-shirt with her tits out.

SPEAKER_03 28:18

Dude, any Looney Tune in like a dangerous or provocative pose? I I mean you introduced me to Bugs with the pistol, the smoking pistol. Oh yeah. Oh, Bugs Bunny with the guns? Yep. This is time to go back to the old meme. Yep, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

I like that one. That's one of the best ones.

SPEAKER_03 28:37

Did either of you ever have like a tough Taz or a tough Tweety apparel?

SPEAKER_01 28:42

I wish. I don't think I'm like probably had some kind of Looney Tune stuff, but I don't remember, and I I those things are so hard though. They're so cool. I would get them now if I could come across them, but they're probably on Depop for a hundred dollars for a t-shirt.

SPEAKER_04 28:58

Yeah, I I wish I had known how valuable that stuff was gonna be. The the really the only paraphernalia I had was a VHS tape of like the Looney Tunes Teach You to Not Do Drugs. Um I don't know if this is a common thing or if I like hallucinated it, but it was like this kid's about to smoke weed or something, and the Looney Tunes are like, Oh, no, don't do it. We're gonna teach you how to be good.

SPEAKER_03 29:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:19

So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:21

The way you said that made it seem like you would expect them to make the Looney Tunes Teach You to Do Drugs. You were like, they made a video called The Looney Tunes Teach You to Not Do Drugs.

SPEAKER_04 29:31

And the emphasis on not maybe Yeah, yeah, it's the Looney Tunes tell you like the best part of the like code words. Yeah. Yeah. And different colored handkerchiefs you can put in your in your pants and bars if you were into like pee and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 29:43

That's just called the Looney Tunes Teach You How to Be Cool. Coolie tunes. Oh fuck yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

It's a good thing that you didn't go into Spencer's. Oh, yeah. Lord knows what you would have done.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

Well, back then they didn't have as many just open pocket pussies on the walls and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Really? I always remember Spencer's. I remember very specifically going into a Spencer's and seeing a scale replica of Sasha Gray's butthole. Hell yeah. Really? And I was like, they do that? That's crazy because that's cool.

SPEAKER_04 30:15

My first interaction with that was like the 90s. I feel like it was a more tame. It was like, oh, it's Winnie the Pooh is drinking out of a jug that says XXX, and now it's a pathway. It was a lot more like light displays. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

Yeah. This was in the 2000s for sure.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

Dude, you forget, he's a whole generation different. I'm a couple years younger.

SPEAKER_04 30:34

You could just go waltz into the square mall and get yourself a pocket pussy. I had to earn mine. I had to whittle mine.

SPEAKER_03 30:41

More yeah, Spencer's back in our day would have been more like the globe that you put your fingers on and still got that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:52

Well, that was one thing. They would have teddy bears with penises.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:57

Um South Park shirts.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

They got all the bachelorette party like penis themed apparel, like straws and all that.

SPEAKER_03 31:06

They did have a lot of the like provocative phrases on things, t-shirts, shot glasses, but back then it was like um I love BJs, and now it's like, yeah, I'm a fucking slut. Dump your cum in me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

They got a little they had to get a little more on the nose because people's sensitivities have gone down. You can get those shirts at the at the Jersey Shore boardwalk now. They need what does Spencer's have to offer? They need to amp it up.

SPEAKER_04 31:34

Yeah, it's like it used to be the shirt that was like, um, I used to be a schizophrenic, but we're okay now. Yeah. And that got co-opted by Macy's and the Jersey Shore, and now it's like I'm not gay, but twenty dollars is twenty dollars.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

Yeah, so they've got to really get all the classics.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

And now it's like, I like cum on my chest, but I love shit in my mouth. Yeah. For the kids.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

Yes. They need they don't fuck around. Yeah, Spencer's just had to adapt to the times. Um looking for a goth, or it's like a point like an arrow pointing up towards your face and says like goth mommy rocking chair or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 32:13

Did you ever work with Kevin at uh Queen's Comfort? No. Did you ever meet little Kevin? No. Kevin was like, when he started working at Queen's Comfort, he was like probably like 13 years old something. He was like, you know, connected with the family, and then um, you know, we got to know him. He was like busboy, and then by like 15, he was wearing t-shirts that said I eat ass. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 32:39

The I Eat Ass shirt was so cool. It was great. I remember.

SPEAKER_03 32:43

And he was just like the coolest kid in Queen's Comfort. That's uh funny.

SPEAKER_01 32:47

That's what the kids, that's what they want. Did you uh hold on, did you hear that? Oh what?

SPEAKER_04 32:54

Did you hear that? I mean, I thought I think I heard something.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

I thought it was from outside.

SPEAKER_03 33:00

Should we pause? Um, no, I'm just gonna go hold on. I fuck, there's so many wires. I'm gonna just gonna go check on it quick. Keep talking about whatever you want. Okay. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

Spencer's t-shirt. Uh we should be on the Spencer's product design team. Oh my god, yeah, I think we're gonna be able to do that. Well that'd do great.

SPEAKER_04 33:18

They probably keep those guys inside the Pentagon, uh, you know, just in case for like special emergencies.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

Um we tag them in this so that we can maybe Hey, I'm looking at it.

SPEAKER_03 33:30

Guys, sorry, sorry to interrupt. Um, can you come can you come look at this for a second?

SPEAKER_01 33:34

Yeah, yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_04 33:35

It's just that that's not the bathroom. Should we go in?

SPEAKER_01 33:42

Jude, Jordan, and Shrimp walk through what was once the bathroom door onto an old Hollywood sound stage. A large table is set up, and an old timey director is putting scripts on tables.

SPEAKER_03 33:56

Ah, Jude, Jordan, you're just in time. In time for what? Why, for the reading, of course! What reading? I'm sorry, who are you? I'm Alex. We call him Shrimp.

SPEAKER_04 34:06

Well, a shrimp I see, a shrimp shall you be. Did he just cast a spell on you?

SPEAKER_01 34:11

I don't think so. I don't feel any different. Did you just cast a spell on me?

SPEAKER_03 34:16

We're all about to cast a spell on the world. For does not film contain uh magic of its own? Yes. Universal has fast-tracked the sequel to Casablanca as a half-hour television special. So what are we doing here? Well, Jude, you'll be playing Rick and Jordan will be Reynold. Well, what am I doing? Well, stage directions mostly. Great. Why do you need us? You're the voice actors, me boy. We've got Humphrey and Claude for six hours tomorrow to film the live action, but we need you for everything else. Everything? You'll see. Set, read.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Rick and the Hill of Beans. Written by someone like Roll Dahl, but less anti-Semitic. Oh, thank God. Interior Concentration Camp. Day. We see various vignettes of Rick Blaine and Louis Renault getting into semi-slapstick scenes, or Abbott and Costello style comedy bits, while going about their day in the concentration camp. Much to the chagrin of the Nazis. Those aren't written? Oh, you'll mostly be doing improv. Bogart was a groundling. Much to the chagrin of the Nazis. While on trench digging duty, Rick collapses from exhaustion. Louis gets down near his friend and offers him some water.

SPEAKER_03 35:34

Here, Rick, take this. You'll need your strength. Where'd you get this? Let's just say I've gotten rather familiar with the fellow in charge of mess. Rick drinks the water. I sucked his cock. Rick gets back to his feet and toasts his friend.

SPEAKER_04 35:48

You're always looking out for me, Louis. He is looking at you, kid. Louis pauses in his work.

SPEAKER_03 35:53

Forgive the impropriety, Richard. But I've often heard you use this turn of phrase, but I still don't think I understand what it means.

SPEAKER_04 36:01

Louis, look. It's just a way of saying something without saying it. You take the moment, you give it a little shape, a little polish, a little jazz. Doesn't have to mean anything. You say it at the right time, it lands. It means something to that person in that moment. And if it doesn't mean anything, well, that's fine too. Most things don't. What means something is how you say it. Get me? You say it in a certain way at a certain time could be nonsense. Gobbledygook. Suddenly it's important. Or it sounds important, same difference. And in the end, what is important? Here we are arguing semantics while the fight for freedom is happening on the front lines. This conversation is nothing more than a hill of beans in this crazy world. Ah, there's one again.

SPEAKER_03 36:42

Uh, this metaphoric hill of beans you're always going on about. This thing is a hill of beans, or that thing is a hill of beans?

SPEAKER_04 36:49

A hill of beans is nothing. Less than nothing. Just some beans. In hill form.

SPEAKER_00 36:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:55

But what about this hill of beans, Rick? Louis points to something off-screen. We see that in the trench with them is a big pile of sloppy beans. Rick gives Louis a curious glare.

SPEAKER_04 37:08

What have you done this time, Louis? Well, you'll remember I told you I've gotten rather close with the captain of the mess hall. From sucking his cock. I remember.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

Well, I have a metaphor of my own.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Louis approaches Okay. Louis approaches the sloppy gloppy hill of beans and scoops Okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

Damn it!

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Louis approaches the sloppy gloppy hill of beans and scoops some away to reveal a small wooden door. Are you telling me we're blowing this joint? Louis opens the door and a Twilight Zone swirly doodle is inside.

SPEAKER_03 37:53

I'm saying step through this door, Rick, and I'll blow your mind.

SPEAKER_04 37:58

Some of this doesn't really read like the characters from the first one. Well, people change. Yeah. People change.

SPEAKER_01 38:05

People do change, dude. I guess people change. As Rick and Louis step through the door, they change. From black and white characters in some boring ass war drama to bright and colorful, rankin' bass stop-motion claymation characters. Louis, what have you done?

SPEAKER_03 38:24

I'm a cartoon! Rick, you're only seeing it this way because your synapses would melt trying to actually conceive the space. A space where there aren't walls. There isn't time. Everything is happening at once. Every moment all the pieces, they're here. But you can only think so far, so large, so you make something smaller. Something manageable. A room a story a hill of beings. You see as far as you can see, and that's as far as it can be. So you build it soft and neat with little chairs and little streets, a line a look, a memory, a simple friendly scenery. And if you saw the whole display Well, Rick, you'd simply fade away a cosmic horror far too vast that was the first and shall be last. So hum a tune and pour a drink and turn the void into what you think and a lesson learn today. How a hill of beans have epic sway. Epic? It says epic.

SPEAKER_01 39:54

The script is good. Louis takes Rick on a magical and psychedelic adventure in the Rankin Bass animation style, in which he sees the results of his actions leading to the end of World War II. He then sees many of the Nazis fleeing and going into hiding in South America. He sees genetic programs happening throughout the next century with Nazi scientists using horrifying chemistry and the occult to clone and bring about the next Hitler. He also sees the rise of fascism in North America and a resurgence of the KKK and neo-Nazi ideals. He has shown the grotesque characters of Nick Fuentes, Jake Lange, Charlie Kirk, Steve Bannon, Asmongold, and countless other subhuman dipshits that will rise to prominence in the 21st century. So none of this is written yet?

SPEAKER_03 40:44

Oh no.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

Captain Louis Renault wraps up the moral of the story.

SPEAKER_03 40:48

So the next time you see a hill of beans, Rick, remember that a hill is much larger than you think. And a bean is a seed.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

And seeds grow, Rick. I understand. Now that Rick understands, the magical bean door appears before them, and the two start to head for the exit. But before they step through, a severe-looking claymation man stops them. You should play him, Shrimpy. John?

SPEAKER_03 41:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:14

Oh, okay. Hold on, boys. You're gonna need these. The man hands Rick and Louis AK-47s. Thanks. They head for the door again. By the way, what's your name? Brown. John Brown. Rick gives John Brown a knowing nod, and he steps back into the real world with Louis. They look about the concentration camp and check their guns. Well, Louie, looks like this is the beginning of a beautiful bloodbath.

SPEAKER_04 41:41

But Rick, you saw. Because of your actions, the war is won. Not won enough. They don't kill enough. Ah, I see where this is going. And what about the Nazi sympathizers back on US soil? Wipe them out too, eh? Hunt down every goddamn one of them.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

The two nod at each other and open fire on the camp. The screams of Nazis fill the air. Cut two. A map of the world. A drop of blood on Germany. That drop spreads across the map and onto American soil. The voice of an old-timey announcer. Would it be old timey? Aren't we in the 1940s or whatever? Shut up, we're almost done. Oh whatever. And with their commitment to zero tolerance, Nazi slaughter, Rick and Louis changed the world forever! Because the problem with World War II is that we just didn't kill enough Nazis. And remember, the hill is not as small as you think. And a bean is a seed. Cut to black, end credits. Okay! Okay. Okay. Can we leave now? The director stands frozen, as if he was merely a puppet, and his role in all of this came to an abrupt end. Jordan, Jude, and Shrimps, that's me, look at each other and head towards the stage door. Jordan's living room is just on the other side.

SPEAKER_04 43:05

Well, I think we all learned a lot from that. Uh technically it was edutainment, so maybe we could apply for government funding.

SPEAKER_03 43:12

I think we'd have to take out all that Nazi killing stuff then. Oh, it's too violent, or no, just you know, the government is being run by Nazis. Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 43:22

The three laugh at my epic line. Oh, on god.

unknown 43:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 43:29

Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 43:30

On god. On god. The three laugh at my epic line. Oh shrimp. Shrimp. Quick, get to the door. We gotta get out before I say Blackout. End credits. Oh. Oh.

SPEAKER_04 43:48

What a little adventure we had. Well, I love being sucked into a story. It's so good. It's like when you're in a dream and you try to like run away, but you you keep fucking up.

SPEAKER_03 43:57

Yeah, it feels like you're in quicksand or whatever. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:02

I tried uh well just a quick segue. You doesn't have to be anything important, but I had a dream I was uh backing out of my house in a car last night, and I w I just ran over everyone like by accident. I didn't mean it.

SPEAKER_03 44:14

Why were there people behind you?

SPEAKER_04 44:16

It was mostly mailboxes, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 44:20

Alright. Well, it seems like our little trip is scrambled dude circuits. Yeah, that's right. Just doing these podcasts can scramble pretty hard.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

Add in the heat too. We're all brain-baked. Um I used to have a recurring dream of uh only being able to drive backwards. Huh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:38

Do you think that's like some kind of like um great Gatsby story of like you have regrets in your past that you want to go back to? Probably. And you have this flapper that you really want to fuck.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 44:49

All true. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 44:50

I'm always having dreams where I'm just tumbling and stumbling. Tumbling and stumbling? I can't walk straight. I'm trying to run and I keep f falling embarrassing in front of who knows who. Fuck. The who's who of my subconscious.

SPEAKER_03 45:04

Yeah, it's probably your anxiety internalizing. I got a lot of that.

SPEAKER_01 45:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:07

External and internal.

SPEAKER_04 45:09

Claviculars looking on, like, look at this fucking guy.

SPEAKER_03 45:12

If you think I'm anxious in my everyday life, you should see what percentage of it I'm actually showing you. That's right.

SPEAKER_04 45:16

That sounds like a Spencer shirt. Just way too long.

SPEAKER_03 45:22

Let's think of more Spencer's shirts. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

Like new ones, new age. We gotta tag them so we can like get all get a job doing Spencer's design.

SPEAKER_04 45:32

Okay, so we've agreed that kind of the timeline, right? So it started off with like South Park cartoon character shirts, kind of that's the baseline. Winnie the Pooh doing something he shouldn't be doing, um Ms. Piggy with Diddy's, whatever. Um, and then we moved on to kind of shirts with quips on them.

SPEAKER_03 45:52

Yeah. Let me drop everything and work on your problem. Yes, yes, and that's cool.

SPEAKER_01 45:56

Now it's iHeart pegging.

SPEAKER_03 45:59

Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

Simple and blunt.

SPEAKER_03 46:03

My AI girlfriend sucks dick better than your AI girlfriend.

SPEAKER_04 46:07

Yes. Okay, because you're not gonna find I like that. I okay, I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna be the shark and you're gonna be the person pitching. I'm gonna tell you why I like that, right? Because you're not gonna find that at um at you know, Leo and Kirk's on the Jersey Shore. They're not gonna know about AI. They're just ordering this stuff wholesale bulk, you know.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

The same shirts for 20 years. Exactly. They keep selling.

SPEAKER_03 46:30

Yeah, so um I think like also, whereas like on you know, in Times Square or on the boardwalk, you're gonna see all those like nasty shirts. Um, you're also gonna see like heavily political shirts too. Yeah, from both sides. From both sides. Um, but at a Spencer's, I think you're just gonna get more like anti-authoritarian shirts in general.

SPEAKER_04 46:52

Alright, um, try this one on for size. Um my anime girlfriend loves my dick.

SPEAKER_03 47:04

See, this feels maybe like 10 years old. Oh, fuck me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:08

What about one that just says milk me?

SPEAKER_03 47:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 47:11

That's good. 100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:14

That's good. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 47:15

Uh mommy milk or waifu energy.

SPEAKER_01 47:18

I feel like the energy part is feels millennial. Saying things have like this energy feels like millennial.

SPEAKER_03 47:24

Yeah, but I also don't think that Spencer's doesn't not cater to the millennial.

SPEAKER_01 47:29

That's true. I had my mind more on a Gen Z, Gen Alpha target audience. Of course. But I understand.

SPEAKER_03 47:35

As I think Hot Topic has maintained.

SPEAKER_04 47:37

Okay, what about this? We take a recognizable logo and then put a new catchphrase underneath it. So it's like the Dr. Pepper logo, and underneath it says, It'll make you come.

SPEAKER_01 47:48

That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 47:50

I like the simplicity of it. Um I like that we can maybe get a brand deal working.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

Especially if it was the Dr. Pepper logo, but it said Dr. Penis or Dr. Pecker. Dr.

SPEAKER_04 48:01

Pecker, he'll make you come.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

Now we're doing parody shirts.

SPEAKER_04 48:05

All of a sudden. Yeah, but that's also you're in this uh gray area where you can just use the actual logo now because of parody law.

SPEAKER_01 48:11

Yes, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 48:14

Dr. Pecker.

SPEAKER_01 48:16

That's good. No one steal that.

SPEAKER_04 48:18

Well, that would also be um, you know, if you're on a pirate ship, uh the the court rules would be parody law.

SPEAKER_03 48:26

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Got him. Got him. See, uh, he's learning puns, which is great. That is exciting. Yeah. New chapter. Oh, this is a really hyper-local um reference and joke. So you guys will get it, but nobody else will. But I didn't know that there was a pirate restaurant in our neighborhood. Yar. Yarrr. Oh my gosh, that's a good one. Yeah, isn't that a good? Yeah. You all get that, because you love Yar, the Indian restaurant.

SPEAKER_04 48:59

Yes, on Dipmar's. Yar is like a d the it's a way of saying dude in India. Oh, really? Yeah, because I took the time to ask.

SPEAKER_01 49:07

We knew they were so cool.

SPEAKER_04 49:08

Because I w when I went to Yar, I didn't I didn't walk in and immediately was like, hey, what are you guys, a bunch of pirates?

SPEAKER_01 49:14

You didn't take it for granted.

SPEAKER_04 49:16

Um, actually, I do have a funny story about Yar. Actually, it's not funny. You can decide for yourself. My wife and I ate there one time, and I guess we were really hungry, and uh, we ate a lot, you know, and we thought the food was really good. And the waitress came over, and I guess she was like one of the owners or something, and she said, like, wow, like you guys are really good at eating.

SPEAKER_01 49:37

That's nice.

SPEAKER_04 49:38

Well, no, I think like I don't think Steph took it very well. Like, she didn't like that comment, you know. Um, so we're like, what do you mean by that? Like, are you like we're like fat and rambunctious? Um, but I think they did have a uh go to Yar, get some Indian, and just get fat and sassy. Just get fat and sassy. But I think they they did say they had a BYOB policy, and we tried to bring like a bottle of vodka, and they were like, no, not that. That probably set them off. Yeah, not that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:08

Yeah, can we get two cups? No mixers, no, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:10

Can we just get the tika masala sauce? Yeah, just a sauce.

SPEAKER_03 50:13

I mean that would be a good chance for early Queen's Comfort. We did not have any sort of restrictions on BYOB. Oh yeah. Yeah. That it did smelled like brake pads.

SPEAKER_01 50:23

Yeah, BYO anything. Anything. Um what I've noticed, going back to the Spencer's situation, is like a resurgence for the Gen Z and under. Early aughts millennial type stuff, like LMFAO type shirts that they would wear, which then became uncool, but now have been reclaimed. Like club shirts or something. Yes. I specifically have one in mind because my girlfriend brought it up with me, and I've also seen other people wear it, and it says Girls Heart My Swag. And in big bold letters. And like I think that is like the Spencer's they don't need to reinvent the wheel. It's all nostalgia. But now it's like nostalgia for the times that they were around already. So they can just bring back those shirts. Girls' heart my swag, maybe throw a goth mommy thing in there, you know, get some new material, but the old language of t-shirts is still alive and well.

SPEAKER_03 51:23

Yeah, I love that. It's like you're by kind of rediscovering something, your joy for it, you know, you're cashing in on a couple new topics you can slip in.

SPEAKER_01 51:34

Yeah. Goth mommies, pegging, and the rest.

SPEAKER_03 51:38

You really have only brought up those two think of right now. It's hot here. Um all right, so just before we let this go, um Casablanca. Though we were not able to I was not able to present a script today. Um I I'm happy that one like came about. Um it's one of the most beloved movies of all time, one of the you know, top 100 movies AFI. It's gone between one and two kind of regularly. Now I think it's down at five after the Avatar films came out.

SPEAKER_01 52:13

One of yeah, all three of them are above, I would imagine. One, two, and three.

SPEAKER_03 52:19

I had a fact about like they they updated the list in like 2007 or whatever, but they only added one movie from after 1998, and I think it's like Titanic or something. And then that's it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:35

No good movies coming out.

SPEAKER_03 52:37

Um some people don't like Casablanca, though. There's actually a good number of them. So I went to Letterboxd and I found some half-star reviews. Half star of Casablanca.

SPEAKER_01 52:48

Too great.

SPEAKER_03 52:49

Okay. Um a lot of people just said they didn't understand the movie, which I think is dumb. Old movies are pretty simple, and uh you just weren't paying attention.

SPEAKER_04 53:00

Yeah, I feel like also this this movie g it gives a pretty good job uh explaining itself.

SPEAKER_03 53:04

Like it's not uh That's actually another thing that people complain about, is that it explains itself a little bit too much too much.

SPEAKER_01 53:13

Yeah, like that. They're on their phone googling goth mommies. But that pick not me. I'm not googling that.

SPEAKER_04 53:21

Well, I'm gonna check your um Google search history later, mister, and I can't wait to see what kind of goth mommies pop up.

SPEAKER_01 53:27

Fine.

SPEAKER_04 53:28

But anyway, yeah, the whole purpose of that pickpocket character is just to give you plot, which I enjoyed.

SPEAKER_03 53:34

I think those scenes are funny too. I think they're like well written and well acted.

SPEAKER_04 53:37

Yeah, they're like funny like clown scenes.

SPEAKER_03 53:38

Yeah. Um, so uh Alex uh says the movie book film twenty-three. Uh so they're probably working their way through the movie book.

SPEAKER_01 53:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:51

And this is film twenty-three, one half star. Um, what the fuck? I always thought this was an espionage noir romance set in the White House, but it's actually a boring ass drama almost fully set in a restaurant in Morocco. Anyways, this fucking sucks. It's literally just people talking.

SPEAKER_01 54:10

I love that. I love the honesty and the st the earnest stupidity to be able to be like, go to like an Indian restaurant and give it a half-star review. She's like, I thought this was a Chinese restaurant, and they didn't have any of the food I like.

SPEAKER_04 54:26

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 54:27

That's awesome. The confidence.

SPEAKER_04 54:29

Or, you know, it's it's almost unfunny enough to be someone thinking that they're kind of pranking letterboxed, you know? They're like, I'm gonna go on here, and or they're pranking whatever this movie book is, to be like, oh, average movie book reader.

SPEAKER_01 54:43

You think they're rage baiting?

SPEAKER_04 54:45

Rage bait, yeah. Like to show that people use the movie book are um uh uncultured swine. Not like Miss Piggy's titties. No, fully cultured, yeah, because of the milk inside.

SPEAKER_03 54:56

Uh C.T. Clark gave it a half star, says, I got bored of this movie halfway through, so I just went on YouTube and watched some prime Boston Celtics Rahon Rondo highlights. Rajan Rajhan. Rajhan. Some prime Rajan Rondo highlights.

SPEAKER_04 55:12

Uh Rajan Rondo was uh he had a very high IQ. He was like a gifted kid. Um so then he would have liked Casablanco. Maybe. Maybe you never know. Or I think he liked Rajan.

SPEAKER_01 55:22

That does sound more fun than watching Casablanca. IMO. I haven't seen it, but it's a good time. It sounds boring.

SPEAKER_04 55:29

One of the best times.

SPEAKER_01 55:30

The movie Casablanca? Yeah. Alright.

SPEAKER_04 55:33

That's um that's weird. That that's a crazy highlight reel to watch because I feel like he's one of the more like forgettable Celtics, but I guess whatever. I mean, in my opinion, I would probably watch like uh Kevin Garnett highlights. Sure. Yeah. Larry Bird. Or Larry Bird highlights. Yeah, that's a lot more fun. Jou says Zero Aura, what a loser.

SPEAKER_01 55:53

That is cool. That's a good review. That's a Spencer's t-shirt. That's I was just about to say that's a Spencer's t shirt.

SPEAKER_03 55:58

Can you repeat it one more time? Zero Aura, what a loser. You just like want something.

SPEAKER_04 56:04

You've like heard that all your childhood. Yeah, or maybe his dad was like, You want cool? I'll show you cool. We're gonna watch Rick Blaine. This guy's got aura. And then someone's like, I'm gonna take this out on letterboxed.

SPEAKER_01 56:16

The rampant nihilism of the youth.

SPEAKER_03 56:20

Oh, yeah. I mean, so much of this is just like my teacher put this on during film class. I want to shoot myself.

SPEAKER_01 56:27

Yeah, lol, this sucks. I did that. Is how I felt when I had to watch Nosferatu in school, though. Especially the second time. Oh. No disrespect.

SPEAKER_03 56:35

I also had Nosferatu on DVD because I'm a fucking thweeb. You loved it. Um uh M. Schnizzle says my mate lied about watching this.

SPEAKER_01 56:47

Did they give it a review?

SPEAKER_03 56:48

Half star. These are all half star.

SPEAKER_01 56:50

But they were upset because more mate lied about watching watching. That doesn't seem fair.

SPEAKER_03 56:56

Uh Kieran Fitman says boring and Lego movie is better.

SPEAKER_01 57:01

That's true.

SPEAKER_04 57:02

Fair.

SPEAKER_01 57:02

That is fair.

SPEAKER_04 57:03

I would have thought from his last name he would have been into like working out or something. Like, or the the Kieran Fitman. This isn't um um P90X.

SPEAKER_03 57:12

This is more in line of things I like to find. Stephen Kevlate Steven Stephen K3VI38 um says half star. Low-key smelly, but I don't know. Never watched it, guys, but believe me, please, I'm desperate and just trying to make a living on the potty.

SPEAKER_04 57:38

Okay, so maybe he was wondering about the way that the set smelled, or like, you know because I bet the blue parrot smells crazy.

SPEAKER_01 57:47

Yeah. Maybe he's trying to make a living writing letterbox reviews, blowing up on letterbox.

SPEAKER_03 57:52

Yeah, can you make a living doing that? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 57:55

I know that people do like love to, you know, get a lot of likes on there, but I don't think it's working for him.

SPEAKER_03 58:04

So do you think he's giving reviews of his shits and um putting them on letterboxed in place of movies? So he's like, this shit is one and a half low-key smelling. Okay. I've never watched his movies, but I need you to like this review.

SPEAKER_04 58:19

So he's trying to create his own genre basically because I have noticed, like, on uh, for example, Substack, you know. Um great platform for the most part.

SPEAKER_01 58:27

I I I refuse it outright.

SPEAKER_04 58:29

Well, I mean, like, I there's writers on there that I really like, so I'll use it, but then if you kind of mindlessly scroll on Substack, it'll be like a lot of accounts like I used to be a party girl, but this is why I changed. And the whole point of the article is that she's describing or he or whatever, describing lewd sexual acts that they did, so you're reading it. You know what I mean? Like that's that's like smut? Yeah, but it's smut disguised as a think piece. So like I feel like that gets traction in the algorithm to like make its own thing because you get money for the amount of eyes on it. You know what I mean? Substack cool. Is it spicy? I hate it. Should we call it spice stack? Yeah, SubSpec, it can be spicy. Subfuck.

SPEAKER_00 59:14

I feel like I get people buy spicy basket.

SPEAKER_01 59:17

I feel like I get uh requested to join someone's Substack like every single day. That's because they're horny for you. Not me personally, but it's like every video, people on the damn news are like, oh, you can subscribe scrub you can subscribe to my substack. I don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_04 59:40

You have to. When someone says it to you, you actually have to. It's like when you ask an undercover copy.

SPEAKER_01 59:45

You're asking me to pay for your blog?

unknown 59:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 59:48

Uh well I don't think you might have uh you might have something in common with Samu Samuel. I was like Samuel, uh, gave it a half star review, but a heart and said John Bellion, The Wild Robot, and Zelda Echoes of Wisdom are dropping this week. I don't have time for frivolous movies about white cheese. It's kind of like your argument against Substack.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:15

Elaborate on that.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:17

You don't have time to subscribe to this nonsense.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:20

Yeah. Is there cheese in the movie? Or is he saying that things like white and cheesy? White people. White people cheese.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:28

Well, in his defense, when I was six years old and my parents dragged me to church, I used to pray for a Zelda movie. And now I'm 35.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:38

And one's coming.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:39

I know. So there is a God.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:41

Yeah, your prayers have been. Yeah, me and this.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:43

It's like a long ass time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:46

Dude, if I knew that I was gonna get like a 35-year return on prayers I asked for when I was a kid, I would have asked for much different things. Yeah, way cooler. You go back in time. No, even way just like stabler, you know?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:59

Yeah. Or be like, you're gonna love pussy when you're older. You're gonna love it.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:03

You're gonna want it more than anything you're gonna do. You pray for that?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:07

No, no, no. I'm saying when I was a s I didn't know how much I was gonna love pussy. Um, I was a uh I was pussy ignorant. Um like I wish I could go back in myself in this world where prayers get answered like Roth IRAs, you know, like 35 years.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:22

Long-term investment. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:24

I would go back and tell my younger self how much I'm gonna love pussy.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:28

Just to tell why.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:30

So then he prays for pussy. You all married. Well, yeah, but like, I mean, it wouldn't be if he had gotten more pussy. Exactly. Come on, shrimp. God. Oh, Steph's gonna love you very much. She's gonna go back on your side, I think.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:48

I'm not clear on my intentions as a six-year-old. You would have told yourself, you would have gone back in time, told yourself to pray for the unlimited pussy.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:00

I never said unlimited.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:01

For a bountiful amount of pussy.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:04

And honestly, I feel like that was been answered.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:07

There's like some wordplay that I could make with pornucopia, but I'm not gonna make the wordplay because I'm I'm a better man than that.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:14

No, I think you couldn't use a way to put it in the sentence, but you felt like you had to say pornucopia.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:17

So you just said, Oh no, pornocopia is low-hanging fruit.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:21

Oh, Mr. Thanksgiving over there.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:23

I'm interested. Now I'm interested. Um let's let's stop this argument. Um, it's been so good getting together with both of you. Um, thank you for joining me in this very hot room today.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:37

I feel like you did it on purpose because in a lot of these gump retreats we've been reading about, people are going into yurts, lighting fires in the middle of them, and uh that's how they get closer to to gump.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:50

Yurts, don't it? Um, I hope that you're all experiencing a wonderful uh gumpy side to gumping up. Uh shrimps, I I feel like you might be the messiah of gumping at this point because you didn't even know about it. And I did it. And you gumped harder than anyone.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:14

Yeah, you did. You really did. You Rajan Rondoed yourself to gump.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:18

Yeah. It's because I prayed for this many years ago when I first saw Far's Gump. And now it's all coming to roost.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:25

Uh, congratulations on your unpaid management position.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:31

You know who also is an unpaid carpenter?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:34

Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:35

No, my stepdad.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:38

Um, you can reach us on all social media at squeakpod. You can email us at squeakpod at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:45

Don't forget to subscribe to our substack coming soon.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:48

Uh hell yes. Jude, before we go, y'all, you do have one more segment. Is that correct? Yeah, I do. You got mail. I did get mail.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:59

Oh, you got mail.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:01

Ding dong. Mailbag. It's a mailbag. Oh, you got some mail and you put it in a bag, and we take it open up, read it for you today, cause it's a mailbag time, mailbag time, mailbag time right now. Mailbag, mailbag. Mail, mail, mail. Bag, bag, bag, bag, bag, bag.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:40

Okay, so this is Jude's mailbag. Uh, look into my mailbag. Look deep, look in the bottom of it. What's that? That's not a letter you're looking at. That is a fleshy email. Email. From Benjamin Kimball. Benjamin, we don't know you. But we love you. Thank you so much for reaching out. I feel like more people should like and subscribe and leave a review and then email us.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:07

So I just need to correct this very quickly because you had to say that part specifically. Um, I would be remiss if I said that I didn't know who Benjamin Kimball was. I don't know. Like, we don't, we're not friends, we don't hang out. Uh, but he is a friend of One's who uh listens to the podcast. Okay, Ben, you're fucking up. He said Airbud was like a revelation. Oh, really? He loved your script.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:31

Oh, thank you so much. Um, it is. It's very good, Benjamin. Thank you so much. Um, it's probably the best one. Anyway, Benjamin just says movies that need sequels.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:43

Footloose. Is this just another list of movies that need sequels?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:47

Yeah. Oh god. What the hell, Benjamin? Uh Footloose. They've embraced dancing. What's next? Judging on their zip code and part of the United States and time period, it's probably gonna be painkillers. No, that was me. That was the pitch. Okay. The basketball diaries. We have his memoir now. Would he exaggerate it for a movie adaptation?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:09

Ooh, so these are like mini pitches within. Okay, so it's not just movies to pitch, but it's it's like little He's trying to do our job for us.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:18

Yeah, or like, you know, set himself up for being a guest, potentially.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:23

Basketball Diaries is a rough movie to remake. Sure is.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:27

Imagine I'll I'll rewrite basketball diaries. I've never seen it. I don't know anything about it. I'll write a sequel just based on the name.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:34

Yeah. And we'll see what comes. Annihilation style. Hmm. I see it. The guy who directed Annihilation was like, oh yeah, I think I read that book like 10 years ago. I didn't know that. Yeah, the mean show.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:46

Well, I know I've never seen the basketball diaries. It shows. I could write a mean sequel.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:50

Okay. Last but not least, Benjamin recommends the usual suspects. I have no thoughts on this one. I'd like to know what Kaiser gets into.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:02

Mmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:03

Going to jail. He gets busted immediately.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:06

He's like hobbling away in the Um, fun little fact, the usual suspects. Um the line is used like it became famous from Casablanca. Round up the usual suspects.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:21

Oh my gosh. Wow. Uh you'll tidbit about the movie The Usual Suspects. Um the top building on the poster was uh James Baldwin. Or was it Billy Baldwin? Who's in that movie? It wasn't James Baldwin, I'll tell you that. No, no, no. No, no, no. Uh no, Billy Baldwin is the one that does access Hollywood and then Stephen Baldwin. Stephen Baldwin is the uh the name above the title. The uh the big one.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:51

So I just found that interesting.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:52

Alright, so Shrimps will do a basketball diaries episode. You'll be official guest.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:57

Yeah, I'll write it. Alright. Baseball diaries is what's gonna be.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:00

I already got it all placed. Yeah, yeah. Just move it to another sport. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:04

Hey, we call that the d the theparted method.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:09

Yeah. Alright, with that, thank you all so much for listening. Thank you, Shrimps, for being here. You're welcome. Thank you, Jude. Thanks. Gumpy with you.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:17

Gumpy with you all. May the voice guide you. May the voice guide you closer to him. Bye. Bye. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:24

Oh, I'm sweating.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:25

Yeah. We did one. We did one? I thought. I did do one. Hey, for basketball daggers, you should work in the joke, but it's a little time for the little one on one. Because there's two guys named one.