The Memory of Water - An Avatar Story

Jude brings in his script for Avatar and it makes us talk about Kevin Spacey quite a bit.

We were not born to dream of labor. Rise up and dream of water.

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Yeah, it is funny to think like how organically I feel like this whole process is happening with the podcast. It's like you kinda think it's all gonna happen at once, but it's like slow and steady. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

By the time anything hits, it's gonna be called like Playroom with the Boys.

SPEAKER_07 0:15

Yeah, yeah. The boys play the boys wet and oily playroom. Yeah. Amazing. You have a script? I do. Did you send it to me? I send it to you.

SPEAKER_05 0:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 0:25

Dude. Avatat. Avatat. Well, it's called Avatar Memory of Water. It's literally eight pages long. It's not.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

I love this. Dude, I want to get in and out. Yeah, dude. It's gonna be quick. Do you want to shit talk first and then start to read the script? Or open with the script?

SPEAKER_07 0:42

Let's shit talk a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

I think that's necessary. So, first thing I want to say is that we last time we were together, basically, and it was we were we did a few things, I think, in in a couple days, but it was like we said to each other, this podcast is only gonna get better the more we do it together, and the more we see each other in person. Our rapport is gonna get better, yeah. Our jokes are gonna be quicker and tighter and tighter.

SPEAKER_07 1:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:13

And uh this is the first time I've seen you since then.

SPEAKER_07 1:17

Yeah, absolutely. And it definitely is gonna be worse today. I was thinking the same thing. I was like, we were on such a tear, yeah, then we haven't seen each other for four weeks. Um, I had two baby showers. Um I missed the I missed it. I'm so sorry. Dude, it's so fine. Um It was a big weekend. It was a huge weekend. Okay, so let me tell you about that really quickly. Of course. Um, but moral of the story is that you were saying, like, it's just gonna be so shitty today. We're just gonna completely get off track. We're not gonna be tired at all.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

This podcast, you know, proverbial pussy is gonna be a little bit dry and hard to Yeah, and like a dry play-doh sculpture or a dry cake, it's just gonna fall apart before your eyes. The moment you stick a finger in and begin to like pry or pick at something, yeah, it's dust. It's dust. It's dust, it's always been dust. Let's just rely on our insane natural charisma and get the fuck through this thing.

SPEAKER_07 2:08

Yeah, absolutely. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Get the bottom ready.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

We're making speakers welcome. Lapuch jump.

SPEAKER_07 2:19

Speak was welcome for So Sunday we were having the friend baby shower. Yes. Um, so we were planning on having that at Pig Beach. Okay. Um, and I got there, and immediately there was like an Indian guy in a cowboy hat.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

Hell yes.

SPEAKER_07 2:37

And he's like, Hey, do you have tickets? And this is Pig Beach, like, this isn't a place where you would you normally like have tickets. This isn't the place otherwise where you would meet a gigolo. Exactly. So I'm like, okay, tickets for well, first off, my thought was like, because our friends planned the baby shower for us. I was like, holy shit, they bought out Pig Beach for us? That's crazy. That would be great. Yeah. So I'm like, oh no, like, I don't have tickets. Um, can I just come in? Is this for the baby shower? And he goes, No, it's for the chili cook-off. I like that. And he's like, Okay, well, you know, we still have tickets available. I'm like, oh shit, well, we're fucked because we'd planned this. I think like 15 to 20 people were coming. Um, and so he's like, Oh, so you're with the private party. And I was like, Oh, oh my god, like, so they actually did get us like a private room or whatever. And I was like, What's a private party for? And they're like, Oh, it's Dylan's bachelor party. I'm like, Oh no. And then he goes, Wait a minute, are you at the baby shower? And I'm like, Yeah, yeah, and he's like, No, you gotta get the fuck out of here. Like a bunch of people came earlier and they can't come in. Uh, so they all went to uh the beer garden. Um, so yeah, I got kicked out. I got kicked out of pig bead.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

That is an insane story. They're just like, your friends are problems. We had to ask them to leave.

SPEAKER_07 3:56

Yeah, and then our friends called us like immediately afterwards and they were like, Hey, sorry. And this is after we driven back from Buffalo from like the other baby shower, which you know was also a whole thing. So like it was just a lot of things. Um, but we went to the baby shower at the beer garden and uh we had a great time.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

Wonderful. At the classic beer garden? At the Bohemian classic beer garden.

SPEAKER_07 4:17

Well, because Pig Beach used to be the other beer garden. Yes, it used to be called what was it called? Studio something. Studio Square. Studio Square, yes.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

Studio Square. Um, a lot of parties I didn't go to when that place was Studio Square.

SPEAKER_07 4:34

Yeah, so anyway.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

But you had a lovely time.

SPEAKER_07 4:36

It went off without a hitch. The babies were showered. It was a joint baby shower. There was a boy and a girl. We had the girl, they had the boy. So I guess like now they have to.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

Did you learn anything about that boy?

SPEAKER_07 4:46

Uh no, no. I mean, they're friends of ours. Um, all I know is that he's painting a house in Long Island. The baby? No, the uh the daddy.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_07 4:55

The big daddy. So that was my story for that weekend.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Yeah, I so um my brother, who last week was on the show pitching us this avatar script that we're gonna read. Yes. Uh, he just had a baby, which is why he were, you know, we he'll never be back on the show. Um he's forbidden. He's forbidden, his baby has forbidden him. So my parents are in town to meet the baby. Beautiful baby boy. I talk like Donald Trump. Beautiful, beautiful baby boy.

SPEAKER_05 5:24

Beautiful baby boy. Beautiful baby boy.

SPEAKER_07 5:27

That was beautiful I've ever seen. I I've been like developing a nice Trump impression, I feel like. It's com it's taken so long. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:33

Did you write Trump into the script? Can we do we get the reveal tonight? Like a big Navi!

SPEAKER_07 5:39

The biggest bluest one you've ever seen.

SPEAKER_03 5:41

These great, great big blue bodies.

SPEAKER_07 5:44

Um that was Jerry Lewis.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Great big blue bodies. So my parents were in town. Yes. And uh Anna and I saw them for a night. We like um took them out to dinner. Um, there's a whole story there, and then we went with them to just in time.

SPEAKER_07 6:02

The um The Bobby Darren, the Bobby Darren, the where he sings rubba dubdub in the tub or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

Oh yeah. Um, they love Bobby Darren, they've loved Bobby Darren for so long. Um, we thought we were gonna see the teacher from Glee performing in it. Yeah. But he's been replaced. He was replaced so very quickly. It's the guy that you like. Jeremy Jordan. Yes, it's Jeremy Jordan. It was incredible. You loved it? I thought it was gonna be like top all-time worst shows I've ever seen with the teacher from Glee, and then it was Jeremy Jordan, and it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

SPEAKER_07 6:34

So, from what I hear, it's kind of like a cabaret style. You're like in a bar, and Jeremy Jordan is just walking around serenading you.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

Yeah, it's like a really great example, I think, of cabaret theater, and I think it was really well directed, and I think it's a really tight script, so it worked really well. Um, Jeremy Jordan like walks out on a little like stage. There's a sitting area with tables where there's you know, like people who pay tickets. There was somebody that sat down, I was like, that's an actor sitting with two people right now. Um, and then it goes to a smaller little backstage that is essentially like a in the round theater space that's cabaret style.

SPEAKER_06 7:10

Oh, I see.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

Yeah, and Jeremy Jordan comes out with to like a song, and then he's like, Hey everybody, I'm Jeremy Jordan, and then he like introduces himself as himself and he tells us a little bit about his past and his history on Broadway and his history and connection to Bobby Darren and what it means to him. And then he was And then he kills the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, Hey, it happened in Bobby's life. I had to do it. Covered in blood for the rest of the show. He performed. And just reeking. Um, but anyway, it was it was an awesome fucking show. We saw how like vibrant my parents looked and how happy they were to like meet this new baby, you know. My dad sent a picture to our family chat of him with the baby. He's lost like a hundred pounds.

SPEAKER_07 7:55

Your dad has lost one hundred pounds.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

Since we saw him at Christmas, he is deflated like a balloon. That's crazy. He looks like uh like a rock star, like an aging rock star now. That's really hot. And we were out to dinner, and on and on, I was like, just to address the elephant in the room, Dad, what the fuck happened? You lost like a hundred pounds. And all of a sudden he like gets very still and he looks at my mother, and she kind of giggles and he goes, Well, this might not be a very dinner with the family appropriate story. I was like, Oh. And I flashed back to a text thread with my brother and all my siblings. It's a sibling text thread. And Jersey sent like a very cryptic text message that I thought was just like him being a you know weirdo.

SPEAKER_07 8:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

And then it all clicked in my head that like what he wrote in the text thread was literal. And it it pretty much said, like, why did nobody tell me that dad came so hard he saw God? Oh no. Are you gonna tell me what I thought?

SPEAKER_02 9:02

My dad starts off and he goes, Well, let's just say I um had just experienced the most mind-blowing orgasm of my life.

SPEAKER_07 9:15

Jordan, no. Your dad fucked your mom so hard he almost died.

SPEAKER_05 9:19

He yeah, he came so hard he almost died.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

Wow. Oh my god. Okay. How he describes dying is he said that uh he was in a like white room. He said he had a feeling in his toes that started to go up his legs to his chest, and as soon as it got like past his heart, he went, If this goes past my head, I'm not going to like survive this. I'm not gonna wake up from it. Oh and so he like did breathing and then it receded. And he was like, Oh cool, it's receded. And then it just overtook him. And then he was in a room for 30 minutes with a bunch of people, just like having conversations, you know? And then he heard my mom's voice going, Raymond, Raymond, and uh he was like, Yes, and she went, Are you okay? And he went, How long was I out? And she went, What do you mean? And he goes, How long was I like asleep? And she was like, You you were just like were blinking for like two seconds. That's it. And he had a heart attack. A bit I assume, yes, he had a heart attack.

SPEAKER_07 10:24

Wow, right? Minor heart attack. Okay, because when you were saying like the room, I expected him to be like in a hospital room or something.

SPEAKER_05 10:30

Just a liminal space.

SPEAKER_07 10:32

He was in the back room for like one second. What the fuck? But they were populated. Were they Filipinos in the room? Then it might have been a cruise ship.

SPEAKER_03 10:45

Yeah, exactly. Or a hospital.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Or a restaurant in New York.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

Yeah. It's so funny, because like, do you think he would say to anybody that he died for like a minute?

SPEAKER_00 10:56

He said that, didn't he?

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Probably. My dad has become.

SPEAKER_08 11:01

He was experiencing the afterlife.

SPEAKER_03 11:03

My dad has become a devout Catholic since Trump became president.

SPEAKER_07 11:08

He switched to Catholicism? He's always been Catholic. Oh, he has been Catholic. But he's become a devout Catholic. I see. Alright. But I don't think he likes the new Pope. Oh no, he's not good enough. Or is he from Chicago, so he doesn't like that? He's like, if the Pope were from Milwaukee, I would appreciate that.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

Yeah, that actually might have won him over. If a Pope from Milwaukee be was like, actually, this Trump guy's kind of a sucker.

SPEAKER_07 11:30

Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_03 11:31

My dad would be like, Alright, I guess I can't like Trump anymore. Oh, yes, Your Holiness. Um, so yeah, my dad came so hard uh and he lost a hundred pounds. He drained.

SPEAKER_07 11:42

That's the fucking craziest thing I've ever heard. It's like it's almost hard for me to process, and I want to laugh harder, but it's almost like because I was preparing for you to say, like, oh, my dad lost a hundred pounds in six months. And I was like, my dad did that too, but it was because he had fucking cancer. You know what I mean? So I was like expecting that. Well, that not like, oh, your father came so hard he lost a hundred pounds.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

Yeah. Well, so what actually ended up happening is, and you know, this is it's good sometimes that these things happen, even though they're like scary. Your mom is he went to the doctor, and the doctor was like, Your blood pressure is so high. Yeah, you should be in the emergency room right now. Yeah, yeah. Uh, and then he was like, How do I fix this? And they're like, Stop putting so much salt on your food, you fucking maniac.

SPEAKER_07 12:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:26

Stop eat drinking three milkshakes a day.

SPEAKER_07 12:28

And he's like, No, no, no, it's because of all my cum. It's because my balls were so full of cum that I had a heart attack, not because I just eat a fucking salt shaker worth of salt every fucking day. Yeah. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

I think he's put himself into ketosis. That's what good, good. Yeah, he's keto, dude. He's keto papa. He's like, Your body runs on fat and protein. I'm a fucking caveman, dude. I asked him about eating hot dogs, and I was like, oh, probably not all the nitrates. And he's like, Your body runs on nitrates. Nitrates, man. They're they're what makes the world go round. They're they're what gets me up in the morning. Welcome to Squequels. It's a sequel podcast. It's a podcast about brothers loving each other. And Jude, you know, over the course of this time, you've become quite like a brother to me.

SPEAKER_07 13:14

Yeah, and you become like a brother daddy. A daddy brother.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

I like that.

SPEAKER_07 13:17

You forgot to say it's a lifestyle podcast. It is a lifestyle podcast. I I'm slowly forgetting about that actually. Yeah, I kind of love it, but I I don't actually I don't even really know where that originated from.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

I would say like I'm a gumpist at heart, but I don't follow the tenets of it like religiously.

SPEAKER_07 13:32

It's okay. As soon as you cum your brains out and lose 100 pounds, you'll go right back to the well.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

Uh we also believe in the voice. Thank you, The Voice, for leading us here to this point to this day.

SPEAKER_03 13:45

Um, and we believe that every movie deserves a sequel. Um, every movie in every franchise deserves a sequel. So, like Avatar 2 exists, but Avatar 1 could get another sequel. Well, why not?

SPEAKER_07 14:00

Why wouldn't it? It could get a negative, you could go the other way, you could do negative one. Yeah, and that would be a prequel. But technically in our world, that also could be a sequel, too. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 14:09

Yeah. Sequel just defines as another movie. We're we're extending the legacy.

SPEAKER_07 14:14

Hey, it's the same logic as the liminal space where your dad was with those Filipinos for like one second.

SPEAKER_03 14:20

If we had to change the name of this podcast from Squeak Wolves to anything else, what would you what would what would it be?

SPEAKER_07 14:29

Um really like I I I kind of like the boys' playroom. The boys playroom. The boys playroom. Um oiled up and rowdy with Jude and Jordan or Jordan and Jude. Yeehaw.

SPEAKER_05 14:41

Yeah, that's that's the name of it.

SPEAKER_07 14:42

Yeah, Yeehaw. I'm hard. Yee-haw, here are the boys. Or or maybe even like the voice or something, guided by voices. We could try and get sued.

SPEAKER_04 14:53

By John Edwards.

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Yeah, exactly. Uh John Edwards, of once, of course, he was introduced to us by Oprah Winfrey, who has spawned a million conmen. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep, yep, yep. Jude, my brother challenged us to write a sequel to Avatar, to write something else in the Avatar franchise. That he did. That he did. You took on that workload. I did. How did that go for you?

SPEAKER_07 15:18

Um, I tried to put myself in the zone where I'm like, I'm gonna give myself the least amount of time possible and the most caffeine and just kind of see what comes out.

SPEAKER_04 15:28

The freedom to just go crazy.

SPEAKER_07 15:30

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 15:30

So, you know, this is No second drafts, no rewriting.

SPEAKER_07 15:33

No, no, no, no, absolutely not. Not even spellcheck is out the window at this point. Spellcheck is just a vibe. Like, if it's there, sure. You can ride in my car. But otherwise, this Uber is uh drunk uh has a drunk driver. Now, would you say that this is your preferred style of script for I wouldn't say preferred, but unfortunately it's how I've been living my life for 35 years, and I don't think I'm gonna change anything.

SPEAKER_03 15:56

Yeah, I wanna I wanna have the creative freedom to just like scream onto paper.

SPEAKER_07 16:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:02

And not look back.

SPEAKER_07 16:03

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or make the movie scream, you know?

SPEAKER_03 16:06

That would be cool.

SPEAKER_07 16:07

Um, but you we should get did isn't there a story that like that movie was written with like the guy like locked himself in a hotel room with like an eight ball of cocaine and just like wrote scream? That's cool. Is that true? It sounds right. Um I'm gonna give you one story, but I think we should get into the script soon.

SPEAKER_04 16:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 16:24

Um, but it's about baby stuff. Um, and my mom sent me a text message and she's like, Hey, like, I I know you know your sister and I are gonna get you a stroller, but I just wanted to give you a little something before.

SPEAKER_03 16:37

Yeah, and just to connect this to the theme of the show, Avatar is very much a maternal movie. We are all children of Awa.

SPEAKER_07 16:45

We'll get to that in the script. We will definitely get to that in the script. No worries about that. It's very maternally focused. Uh um, but anyway, in in a lot of a lot of ways. Um, so I get this box for my mom and open it, and it's it's from it's from Sheehan, you know, which I've I've never really used before, but um No, I'm aware of their reputation. Yeah, yeah. So I'm not like super into slave labor, but I'm not sure that my mom knows that.

SPEAKER_03 17:08

Um Your mom loves slave labor.

SPEAKER_07 17:10

Apparently. So I open it up and it's a bunch of baby clothes. And Jordan, it was like provocative. Like it was like baby onesies with like frills and like lace, and it said In all the right places. And it said, like, I'm daddy's girl living in mommy's world, okay, on one of the onesies, and then I turned it over on the back, it had like a deep V on the back, and then the tag said flammable.

SPEAKER_02 17:40

Just so you know, this is a flammable baby.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Just so you know, she's on fire.

SPEAKER_07 17:46

Exactly. Just so you know, when you dress your sexy baby up in these clothes, it was I I was like don't get them near candles. It it was like, Jordan, it was like the first time because a lot of times, and I don't know if you feel this way, I feel like you probably do, but when you see like little baby girls dressed up to get hot. No, no, but you're just kind of like, okay, well, like whatever, that's what you want to do.

SPEAKER_04 18:08

But like the baby wants to do it. That's what the baby if the baby. Okay, little guy, if that's what you want to get.

SPEAKER_07 18:14

We're talking about baby consent here. No, but like, I just didn't care, right? I was just like, whatever. But like when it became about my baby, I was like, I'm not my baby's not. What's your baby gonna be wearing? Street wears, skate clothes? Yeah, or like, you know, like I'm I'm okay. Like, I don't necessarily like if it wants to no, if it wants, if if it desires uh, you know, something more than a beige onesie, that's fine, like pastels or whatever, but like flammable frills that just say like daddy on them, don't want that. I don't want to see it. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

Can I get that for you?

SPEAKER_07 18:49

Of course, yeah, yeah. You can get that as like a squeak wool like anniversary present. I feel like for the one you'd just the onesie with like God, I might actually do that now. Yeah, but anyway, uh relates to Avatar because I think uh, you know, children are of the earth uh maternal.

SPEAKER_03 19:05

And it's also that relates to your script because she in. She in. Um because it's like who is producing slave labor in uh in you know, like little sewing camps and things like that. And that's kind of what our script is about, is that correct?

SPEAKER_07 19:23

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

Fuck yes. Oh man, I'm I'm great at making it.

SPEAKER_07 19:26

And that's what Jordan was kind of or uh Jordan, uh that's what Jersey was trying to like impart on us, is like that in his script, like it was uh Earth had become a kind of like manufacturing center for these for these Navi. So I feel like we should get into it. Um I feel like you know, like I can just read stage directions and we can kind of just go back and forth. I feel like we're both adults here.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

Cool. I'm keeping that in then.

SPEAKER_07 19:53

Yeah, do you think that this just shows how off the cuff we can be. Absolutely, like no edits. I can I be pug? Of course. I like pug. Interior. Sanguine's Bar Day. Sanguine's Bar is a dusty old spot in the leisure district of what used to be a city called New Orleans. Mother Tree only knows how long ago that was. Now it's called Transit Hub 7, and it's mainly known for exporting fuel and pornography to the sister moons of Pandora. There's no jazz, no Mississippi River, hardly even any sunshine through the orange dust clouds that blanket the atmosphere. But despite the dry spell, the people who make up the community still possess some spirit. An Android Barkeep, XP 76, dispenses beers with ease out of his comical robot nipples. And two workers, Pug and Ivan, fresh off their shifts at the facility, shoot the shit.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

I can't fucking believe it. 17 fulfillments for me today.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

All of them going directly to Pandora, not Oceanus, Nilesis, the Grandmommy of the Moon, Pandora. The metrics say it's a fulfillment center record.

SPEAKER_07 21:10

Do they?

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yo, RoboKeep, one more round. And shots for the bar too.

SPEAKER_07 21:17

Yes, sir. It's an honor to serve Facility 898's fulfillment producer of the day. A credit of 28 leisure credits has been applied to today's order. Now that's what I call service. Pug slaps XP 76 on the back, which causes him to weeble wobble over, but to continue squirting blue-colored liquid into shot glasses that his many arms organize on a tray in a display of George Lucas robotic kabuki. I think I'm gonna head out. Thanks for the generosity, P, but I got some shit I gotta take care of.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

The only shit you gotta take care of is downing some navy nipples and celebrating with me. Come on, man. We barely get to kick it.

SPEAKER_07 21:59

Oh, I wish I could. Could. We should go on. Keep your numbers up? Hey, stick around. I can teach you something. XP76 performatively laughs at Pug's joke. Pug gives it another hearty punch and sends it flying across the room. I love you!

SPEAKER_00 22:16

Seriously?

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Why are you dogging out so early? There's an AV League game tonight. And you say you watch with me.

SPEAKER_07 22:22

I got. I have to go to a meeting. Meeting?

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Mother Tree Ivan.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

Don't tell me you're still hanging around with you know who. What do you mean, you know who? I'm not saying his fucking name. What?

SPEAKER_07 22:37

Spider? Mother Tree Ivan! Shut the fuck up! XP76, still collapsed in the corner from Pug's playful push, suddenly glows green around his head like an Alexa device. What? I can't say people's names?

SPEAKER_03 22:52

I never said that. I just said you shouldn't say his name. Let alone to fucking meetings led by him.

SPEAKER_07 23:00

XP76 perks up and returns to his peppy bartending self. His octopus arms reach around the bar to a bottle that is glowing green, which he pours into two shot glasses. Then, out of his two robot hands, two bursts of powder dissolve into the liquid. Well, I am. And not all of us are producers like you P. We work all fucking day, get shocked when we don't reach quotas, and then spend hours getting retrainings after retrainings. It's it's fucked! And Spider?

SPEAKER_03 23:32

He says a lot of the right things. Oh, I'm sure he does. He says a lot of the things that will get you mining on obdanium on stairs. And how is that worse than here?

SPEAKER_07 23:43

You know, we're fed all this shit about how Pandora is a paradise, but you realize this is where it all started, right? You're so fucking stupid, dude. XP76 returns with the tainted shots. Some dire horse cum shots on the house. Pug, making combatative eye contact with Ivan, rips a dire horse cum shot and wipes his mouth.

SPEAKER_03 24:07

We got a good, you know? Dyer horse cum shots, sanguine's bar, the lethargy centers on weekends. Why are you letting him fill your brain with his uprising bullshit?

SPEAKER_07 24:20

Because we're having the dreams. Mother tree. I'm serious, P.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

A lot of us have the dreams about water. Ivan. I'm telling you this as your friend, there is not, has never been, and will never be a water in transit hub seven.

SPEAKER_07 24:37

That's not what Spider says! Fuck Spider! Pug slams his glass on the table and XP 76 goes catatonic. His green helmet-like head is spitting around. He's become a full microphone, not a speaker. Yo, barkeep! What about another round of shots? Oh shit. Suddenly the doors burst open and two Navi cops pull up to the bar wielding hydro machine guns. Get the fuck down! On your knees, pleb scum! Oh shit, oh shit! Ivan and Pug both make a break for it, jumping over the bar and decapitating the head of XP76, which they throw at the two Navi cops. They hightail in towards the end of the hall, but suddenly Pug stops dead in his tracks and green liquid dribbles out of his mouth. Come on, P, we gotta get the fuck out of here!

SPEAKER_00 25:29

No, no, it's the it's the higher horse con! Come on, dude! We gotta get the fuck out of here! No! Just fucking leave me! Stop fucking around! No! No! Fuck you! You're fucking right, transit up seven fucking It fucking sucks!

SPEAKER_07 25:46

Pug vomits blue and red blood. Get out! Why you stupid! Pug! No! I can see it! I can see the water! Pug's eyes glaze over, and we see a shot of the golden sand of the banks of what used to be the New Orleans River levees bursting open with a tidal wave of water. Navicop 2 breaks through the door to the hall and blows Pug's head clean off his shoulders, replacing his memory of water with blood and specks of brain matter. Where did the other one go? Navicop 2 connects his ponytail to the urinal. He jumped out the back window. I'm calling for backup. Navi Cop 2 connects his ponytail to Navi Cop 1. Their eyes roll back in their heads. Tendrils of communication extend from their feet into the warm glow of communication and police brutality.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

Fantastic. What do you think? I'm excited to know that it's an eight-page script and we just end it on basically page six.

SPEAKER_07 26:47

Yeah, there's only just a little bit left. A little bit more, yeah. A little bit more. Yeah, I wanted to keep, you know, keep the world. Keep the world alive. Get people to start asking questions. It's a lot, you know. James Cameron has a lot going on.

SPEAKER_03 27:00

Okay, so speaking to that, I got I got deep into Avatar. Uh right before you came over, I watched like what happened in Avatar 3 and things you might have need explaining. Yeah. Because I haven't seen the movie, and I just wanted a quick download of it. You know, saw all that. Um, and then I got into a subculture, which I'll get into in a little bit. And I ended up watching something that was just like t titled like What's with uh RTDF in Avatar? And it showed like pictures of E.D. Falco and you know um Sneaky Pete. Yeah. And I was like, okay, yeah, explain those people to me. I want to know more about them, and I turned it on. And this guy, like, starting with how the ships are built, he like knows all the names for them, he knows why they're built ways.

SPEAKER_07 27:50

Oh duh. Yeah. Yeah. Of course, like you know like what the transit schedule is for like the second moon.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

Yeah, but he was like, if you were in like in the R whatever it's called, R R H D P.

SPEAKER_07 28:03

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um with Giovanni Rivera.

SPEAKER_03 28:06

This is what your world would be, and this is probably what you would know, and if you were in like a scientist, you would know this stuff, and if you were like a grunt, you would know this stuff. And it was crazy. I I'm still probably gonna finish it.

SPEAKER_07 28:17

Yeah, see, what I don't understand about that is like with Star Wars, right? There's so much source material and it's so well organized, like what's like canon and what's not canon that I can understand that. With Avatar, I don't know, is there like a simmerleon for like what this shit is?

SPEAKER_03 28:37

Um maybe. But I think it's mostly just collected media and you know, like the video game and yeah, because I kind of find James Cameron's like, whatever. It's it's it's the shit that takes them back and forth. No, that's the best part about it. It was like he was asking his designers, like, how would this what kind of nuts would be needed to fit that onto that? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 29:00

That's a fucking terrible boss. Can you imagine if James Cameron was like your boss at like a restaurant? It'd be great.

SPEAKER_03 29:06

It'd be so shitty. He runs uh multi-million dollar franchises.

SPEAKER_07 29:12

Yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah, uh I no, I feel like it would just like be he'd just end up like Danny Meyer or something. He made like a Shake Shack.

SPEAKER_03 29:20

He would write before every night on like a board, he would write tips, and then he would give his little like pre pre you know pre-dinner, and then he would put a dollar sign on the tips, and everybody would applaud.

SPEAKER_07 29:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the dollar sign instead of the S on the L. Okay, yeah, or like write a Z on it.

SPEAKER_03 29:39

Yes, yeah for all the 90s kids.

SPEAKER_07 29:42

Yeah, who are into that kind of shit.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

Um, I love the world you're building. Um Pug was such a journey, also.

SPEAKER_07 29:49

How did you feel playing him? I love that you made him Mexican.

SPEAKER_03 29:51

I made him no, I made him vaguely mixed in his regard to where he was. Okay. I was like, I want him to ha you said they still have soul, and I was like, especially in a James Cameron movie, these accents are gonna be wild.

SPEAKER_07 30:08

Out of out of pocket. Yeah, and I wanted to like, because I I guess the you know, the the parallel I wanted is that like it had to be a city with like a lot of culture and a lot of spirit that still existed even as the earth had been, you know, flattened by you know by the production to support this like Navi upper class. Yeah. You know, so I chose um New Orleans.

SPEAKER_03 30:30

I mean, I think it's one of my favorite, most culturally rich areas. Uh, you were just there recently.

SPEAKER_07 30:36

I was just there.

SPEAKER_05 30:37

So I feel the spirit of it in this script you wrote.

SPEAKER_07 30:39

And there was like a lot of Avatar elements in the French quarter, like specifically at like six in the morning when the guys just go out in like an eco lab truck and just like I don't know, what is a pressure wash the side of like the entire French quarter with just chemicals everywhere. It's so inspiring.

SPEAKER_03 30:56

Yeah, I thought you meant like that there were a lot of Navi getting high on the side of bodegas.

SPEAKER_07 31:03

Definitely, dude. Just like all blitzed out. Dude, Navi, I feel like the the pumps are definitely prime for like the next generation of like shitty boardwalk t-shirts, is like Navi like sucking each other off, and it says something like ain't feeling blue today.

SPEAKER_03 31:23

I was just imagining like liquid forms of people as Navi, you know, like people just start saying, like openly saying, like, I'd rather be Navi, and they start wearing like merch that like expresses that like a ton of bracelets.

SPEAKER_04 31:39

And there's like Rasta wear bags, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 31:42

Clip on ponytails, yes, yeah. And it becomes like not really like you're you're not really taking over like um Jamaican culture or appropriating it because it's like no I'm being being Navi.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

It's Navi.

SPEAKER_07 31:52

Yeah, Jamon. Na man, it's Navi. Na man, it's Navi. Oh shit. Oh, what a crack.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

What a crack.

SPEAKER_07 32:03

Dude, that sounds like I'm in the mood for a good ghost story.

SPEAKER_03 32:06

Um, well, I think Avatar is kind of a ghost story. It's it's it's the ghost of our mother earth screaming out in pain. Um, it's a story of legacy, so of course there's like memories of people who've died that still talk to them through the power of the the mother tree. The mother tree earth. Uh I loved it, I think I was interpreting it right right off the bat that mother tree was like a curse. Yeah, it's kind of like uh God Jesus Christ, dude.

SPEAKER_07 32:36

Yeah. Yeah. Cause like obviously, like, you know, you're not gonna have Jesus in this universe, you're gonna have mother tree. Yeah, dude. And like everything's gotta be like, you know, the grandmommy of them all instead of the grandpa.

SPEAKER_03 32:47

Yeah, you really made it also just a scene about power dynamics, which as an actor I appreciate, you know? Yeah, yeah, you gotta keep it. It burst into action, which was very fun, too. Yeah, it's gotta dissolve, it's gotta dissolve something. Should should we just continue, like get through this? No, I have a segment now.

SPEAKER_07 33:02

Oh shit, okay. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

Yeah, because I was like, I want to refresh, so I dude.

SPEAKER_07 33:07

I don't even want to I don't want to leave. I'm just like I'm just excited to be here. Fuck yes.

SPEAKER_03 33:12

Um I uh looked at the third movie, I looked at this guy who was talking about you know human technology in the avatar world. I looked at specific scenes on YouTube, as you know I like to do. Right. Um, about Avatar from Avatar, and I started off with the one where Jake Sully receives his Avatar body for the first time. Classic. And he stumbles and then he runs. And there were so many people who were like, I'm paralyzed. And to me, if I could stand again for the next time, the first thing I would do after getting my legs is run. And I was like, I spoke to so many people.

SPEAKER_07 34:02

Dude, I yeah, um I really quick though, did did you ever watch How To with John Wilson? Yeah. Do you remember the episode where he goes to like the support group of like the Navi people, like the Avatar fans, and they're like, oh man, like if I could only like inhabit that body for a little bit, like I would be so powerful. And it is kind of like, you know, people it some of them have physical disabilities, but like other of them are just like very socially awkward people. Yeah. And they all take on like Navi names. It's wild. It really like speaks to a lot of people.

SPEAKER_03 34:32

I think so. I I think we just made fun of them like five minutes ago. Yeah, now truly to say, hey, you are seen. You're seen, you're heard, and you can run. I see you. We see you. Um, because yeah, there are so many people that were like, This was the first movie I ever saw, this scene. I watch it and I cry every time, and I was like, you know what? Fucking people dig this shit, I love it, whatever.

SPEAKER_07 34:55

It also helps to be like the biggest thing in the world, too. You know what I mean? Because people would just associate anything with how big these movies are.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

Yeah. The first one I got is uh watched this in early 2010. I remembered I was only five. Jake Running is one of the first pictures I saw when I was gaining consciousness. Uh he was gaining consciousness at five years old.

SPEAKER_04 35:18

That's wild. Hey, buddy. Uh I want to let you know you've had it since before.

SPEAKER_07 35:24

Yeah, the doc the doctor pulled the baby out and was like, this is a stupid one. I can just tell its eyes are glazed over.

SPEAKER_05 35:30

This one is unconscious.

SPEAKER_04 35:33

Yeah. Uh they punched you in the face when you were first born. Yeah, or still didn't cry.

SPEAKER_07 35:38

Or the doc the OBGYN's like, look, I know babies are like not the smartest, but this one looks really fucking dumb.

SPEAKER_04 35:43

This one is a lead.

SPEAKER_03 35:46

Uh this person. Don't let that one near your boobs. Ryan Hill says, Why are the avatars so big when they're next to humans and just normal size when they're next to each other?

SPEAKER_07 35:58

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 35:58

This guy, he's been living in a cave his entire life.

SPEAKER_07 36:02

Or just doesn't understand the concept of scale at all.

SPEAKER_04 36:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 36:05

That's really funny.

SPEAKER_03 36:07

Um, you know, I hate to like bring up He's only seen things five feet in front of him his entire life. Yeah, or like locked in a box.

SPEAKER_07 36:13

Yeah, it's like one of those sketches where you know people are like squishing people's heads from far away. Oh yeah. Um, but I do remember I crash you. I crash you, I crash you. I remember like the banana for scale moment on Reddit. Do you remember that?

unknown 36:28

No.

SPEAKER_07 36:28

Someone posted something on a Reddit. No, they it w it was like someone found a safe or an object. I forget. I think I'm mixing Reddit threads, but they didn't know like what something was. And they're like, Alright, this is the thing, and then they're like, I put a banana next to it for scale. And people are like, This is a terrible idea.

SPEAKER_03 36:50

Like you can have a caught on is people started putting bananas next to things.

SPEAKER_07 36:53

Yeah, and then it kind of became like an inside joke because like people would make like large versions of bananas, you know.

SPEAKER_03 36:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 36:59

Um, but that's wild. That guy doesn't have any depth perception.

SPEAKER_03 37:02

Um that's the only way to describe that, right? Yeah. This one I copied, I just didn't know it, and I hope you can help me parse it out. I can't even parse it. Seems like a bot, probably, but it says babies happen too. That looks worse, but super soldier agreement. You're right, all about humans. Who's the worst human?

SPEAKER_04 37:25

Or a baby?

SPEAKER_03 37:26

Huh.

SPEAKER_04 37:27

Makes you think.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

Yeah, makes you makes you think. Um Playboy Gunkata, which is actually a pretty boss name. Yeah, hell yeah. Playboy Gunkata. Um, says what Rob Reiner will never do again. Oh man.

SPEAKER_07 37:44

Is this supposed to be like emotional? It's like, oh, you can never do this again.

SPEAKER_03 37:47

I mean, all these people are crying because he's running.

SPEAKER_07 37:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:50

Rob Reiner will never be able to run again.

SPEAKER_07 37:52

That's true. That's true. Well, did you associate Rob Reiner with like running? I love the guy. I just don't imagine him running.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

Was he in like chariots of fire or anything?

SPEAKER_07 38:04

No. No, definitely not.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

Um, after seeing the Avatar Fire and Ash, I would really like to find a guy like Jake Sully. He is such a family man and a protector and the man. So this person wants to find and marry somebody like Jake Sully.

SPEAKER_07 38:21

She wants to find someone married named Jake Sully. She should move to Boston. I feel like there's probably tens of thousands of men named Jake Sully.

SPEAKER_03 38:28

To drag her into these her their world and then be like, Sullies stick together. Sullies fucking stick together.

SPEAKER_07 38:34

I know I developed a heroin habit, but Sullies stick together. Yeah, it's like Avatar, but for like Boston. You like plug you plug into like Fenway Pac, and you suddenly get shown this like incredible world. Like the SMS pike. You gotta put your ponytail on the end of the Dunkin' Donuts, get you right fucking in.

SPEAKER_03 38:54

Yeah. Strong believer of the Holy Bible replied to this woman looking for a Jake Sully and said Hollywood fire run by a bunch of fallen angels slash demons. Lord Jesus Christ is truly our Lord and Savior, prayer, hand, heart, dove, repent, believe in the gospel, be born again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's right. Yeah. I mean, it does seem like we're approaching end days. I don't ever get like weirded out or scared in these comments when I see uh a true believer standing firm in the YouTube comments of an avatar film. It seems pretty normal.

SPEAKER_07 39:31

Yeah, oh for sure. Yeah, yeah. Probably just connecting, like just dedicating all your life to going to avatar forums and being like, This is this is sacrilegious. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:43

Do you think that's somebody that like wants to get into the avatar lifestyle? Yeah, definitely. And something pissed them off, and now they rally against it wholeheartedly.

SPEAKER_07 39:56

Well, it's probably because for the next avatar um film, James Cameron's gonna show Muhammad.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

I mean, we saw the face of uh Yahweh. What Iwe. We saw the face of Iwe in Avatar 3.

SPEAKER_07 40:11

So again, I well, I don't know if I've explained I haven't seen Avatar Three. No, neither of us. Okay, okay. Okay, but so your secret's safe. Okay, don't tell anybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:20

No, I think neither one of us has seen the third Avatar movie.

SPEAKER_07 40:23

Definitely saw the second one. Don't remember anything.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

No, I just looked up references so I could seem slightly smarter.

SPEAKER_07 40:30

I tried to look, I tried to read about what happened to Spider in Avatar 3. Jordan is great incomprehensible.

SPEAKER_03 40:37

So Yue is like a great fungal spirit that exists over Avatar. It basically confirms like she symbioses with his body and allows him to breathe the air of Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 40:52

The planet. Because he runs out of oxygen. So he's like, I could kind of picture the scene of him being like, ugh, uh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:57

Yeah, and then they kind of like Abraham Isaac it where they carry it's actually Jersey's monologue makes a lot more sense now. Is they like take him to a river and they're like, we have to kill him. If the humans get a hold of him, they'll like recreate this symbiote bond and then they will give it to every human on.

SPEAKER_07 41:18

I'm just imagining like thousands of like if this had been the actual like Bible story, like instead of Jesus on a cross, it's just a bunch of spiders, like you know, like images of like a white kid with dreadlocks just about to be like drowned. Yeah. That's incredible. That's so much cooler. Yeah, 100%. If Jesus had dreads, first off, he probably did.

SPEAKER_03 41:38

Yeah. You know, he walked in a desert for fucking 40 days. He definitely had some dreads. Oh, buddy, yeah, yeah, and definitely like some kind of cryptocurrency. And some dingleberries, probably. Let's not get sacred about it. He definitely had dingleberries.

SPEAKER_07 41:54

Dude, Christ definitely had to express his anal glands 100%. Who doesn't? Who doesn't? Like, Christ, get out of the way.

SPEAKER_03 42:00

Let's stop arguing that at some point Christ expressed his anal glands across the sands of a desert and had dingleberries.

SPEAKER_07 42:10

That was one of the books that they had to take out of the Bible. They were like apocryphal. It's too much. This is this Dead Sea Scroll isn't. Yes. We have to suppress it.

SPEAKER_03 42:17

The church has been suppressing information from all of us for a long time.

SPEAKER_07 42:21

Which is why we need to break into the Vatican.

SPEAKER_03 42:22

That's what this podcast is about, actually. That's why I got so into gumpism, is because I was like just looking for something to believe in. And now, like this.

SPEAKER_07 42:32

I'm ready to be radical. When we have like our own religion, a gumpism, when we have our own centers, I hope that there are like groups of kids trying to speedrunning on the streets. Trying to speedrun into the gump thing to try to like touch off. Exactly. Where's Chet Hanks? Yeah, I know we didn't dance still alive.

SPEAKER_06 42:49

I know he's down here.

SPEAKER_02 42:53

We'd have a party for him. Come on, kids. Come speedrun us. Get 15% off your next burger at In N Out.

SPEAKER_07 43:01

Do you know that one in Clearwater in Florida? There's no way they're doing that one because they're gonna open fucking fire, dude.

SPEAKER_08 43:09

Yeah!

SPEAKER_07 43:10

And the police are gonna be like, well, what are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_04 43:13

What are you gonna do? We told you so. They targeted a millionaire.

SPEAKER_07 43:20

Man, if I was at Clearwater Sailing Polity Center, I'd be like, if you get to the bottom, like we'll give you a prize. We'll show you Xenu.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

It's it's the guy who developed Fable. What is this guy's name? Peter Molyneux. Do you know? And he's like, You finally solved the puzzle. You did it! You touched the joke at the very heart of it. Welcome to the truth.

SPEAKER_07 43:41

I've been waiting for someone to get my joke the whole time. At first, he gives them that Wonka monologue. It has to be disinfected. You drank the fizzy lifting drinks.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

You broke the rules. Good dyster. Um, very good impression. You're so close to. The mic, you're you were like, Oh, I've This is as loud as I'm going to be, and then you I got even louder.

SPEAKER_07 44:04

I wish I could do our whole monologue. I wish I could. Um he he's mad at the crux of that monologue, I think, is he's mad about disinfecting. He's like literally like, I have to like go in there and clean it. It's like okay, come on, calm down, dude. Okay. And yeah, it's not like he like spread his like ass cheeks and like he didn't break anything. He drank the fizzy lifting drinks.

SPEAKER_03 44:29

Yeah. And now the fans are but I mean in a food processing facility, that's like pretty egregious, you know. Like, especially with RFDA, it's like that kind of stuff, it has to be like white glove clean.

SPEAKER_07 44:44

Oh, yeah, dude. I was imagining when you said RFDA, I was thinking about RFK in the um Wonka Chocolate Factory. He he would like it in there. Oh RFK Jr. is it's all pure. There's no artificial fats or flavors. Oh, you're telling me that the snosberries taste like snarries.

SPEAKER_03 45:07

That is actual snare juice. That's not red 41. Whatever the fuck. I don't want to imagine him enjoying himself. No, no, yeah. It just already feels like I'm fueling the fire.

SPEAKER_07 45:19

Yeah, you get him excited. Yeah. If if you had to like, what if I told you, you know how like Santa lives in the North Pole?

SPEAKER_03 45:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 45:26

Like, let's say that Wamp.

SPEAKER_03 45:28

You didn't tell me that. I knew that way before I went.

SPEAKER_07 45:30

You didn't even do it in it.

SPEAKER_03 45:31

You knew from a young I triangulated. Yeah, yeah. That's one case.

SPEAKER_07 45:35

Yeah, when the doctor took you out and you were a baby, you're like, this one knows where the North Pole is.

SPEAKER_02 45:41

This one will one day find the North Pole. They're like, oh, Dr.

SPEAKER_07 45:45

Weirdo, put the kids down, dude. Stop talking about that shit.

SPEAKER_03 45:51

He's like, he's like, um uh the guy who eats bugs. Dracula's boy is what I'm gonna say. Dracula's Dracula's bug boy. Dracula's bug boy. I love the Dracula. Renfield. Renfield. Yes. He's like the Renfield for Santa. He like portends his approach and gets kids ready.

SPEAKER_07 46:11

Really fucked up health. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it's like this stretch is like he's a sex offender, so it's like really difficult to get him near kids, but once you do, like he's they love. They love him. They think Santa's the greatest.

SPEAKER_03 46:26

Um that never happened to me. I do not think Santa's great. I don't even believe in him like we just talked about. I learned that he's not real. Oh shit.

SPEAKER_07 46:34

Oh man, I'm sorry. No, but my question was like, okay, so Willie Wonka's factor, I guess, canonically is in London. Okay. I guess I don't know. I don't fucking know. But they never talk about Charlie taking a plane ride. So Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like he definitely is like in London. But like, where do you think realistically it would be now? Like a kind of test facility. No, it would just be a data center. Oh.

SPEAKER_03 47:00

And all you're doing is basically like running a candy crush. It's like a facility. Oh, that sucks. And for the most part, it's running like digital content.

SPEAKER_07 47:08

And that makes total sense too, because like Willy Wonka would just be kind of like a fucked up bland tech guy that like thinks he's cool. Yeah. So he'd be like, and this is actually like this server is actually where the candy crush servers are. And it's like, well, do I get candy? And they're like, no, but like this is where it happens.

SPEAKER_03 47:27

Yeah, people want to like imagine that he's some sort of like chocolatier, but he is a capitalist at heart. He was making money, he enslaved people. Um, you know, he was a conqueror, he was a Yeah. Sorry to bring it to this level, but no, no, it's all good, dude. I just he's not a fucking philanthropist, okay? No, I know. He's a profiteer.

SPEAKER_07 47:47

Yeah, it's fucked up. It's fucked up. It is really fucked up what he did. Wonka, I don't even want to make light on what Wonka did. I want to talk about RFK Jr. again. What Wonka did. What Wonka did. Never forget. I was gonna say like India. I don't know why. I just pictured like uh that's where Wonka would be in? Yeah, like some kind of like fun like color. Yeah, because I'm thinking of like those festivals where like they shoot off all like the colors and the paint and also their labor practices are also pretty horrific. Yeah, yeah, definitely. You can definitely get some sheep labor in there. Yeah. This was really in um eye-opening uh what's going on in these avatar forums.

SPEAKER_03 48:27

Dude. Then what I found really upset me. I found like an online community, and they were strong and they were vocal. And I actually found a whole post that was like I had no idea that this much Navi hate existed on the internet. Boom. All these videos I watched, one of them, it was like three hours long, and it was about how the Navi are actually the villains of the entire franchise. I was at first taken aback as much as this person was. I couldn't believe there was so much hate. Alice Blackwood on one of these videos said the humanity is dwindling on a dying earth. This backstabber lives happily on Pandora in his avatar body provided to him by the humans? Hero. Period. Not only Avatar hate Navi hate, but Jacob Sully hate. Is that technically ableism? Somebody responds, fuck humanity, they did that. They did this to themselves. And maybe a Navi take. Navi has no love for humanity. This might be a Navi who wrote. This might be a Navi subreddit. And then Alice Blackwood responds, But I suspect you didn't root for the Arcanids and Starship troopers. The story is similar. Humans who are now capable of interstellar travel aggressively colonize the galaxy, bringing them into conflict with a highly evolved race dubbed arachnids, or derisively bugs, who fight for their planet. But whenever a bug alien is shot, exploded, set fire, it's a triumphant moment because they are ugly. The Navi are sexy blue cats in the woods. So fuck humanity, I guess. That's a stance, dude. Uh well, the thing that they're making a stance on is the satire of colonization Starship Troopers. The film Starship Troopers is a satire of like colonist ideals and military industrial complexes. Right. And so when they're like, I bet you didn't root for the arachnas, it's like Well Yeah, that's kind of the point of it.

SPEAKER_07 50:53

Yeah, they're they're the main enemy. And also I feel like in the in the Avatar watching like propaganda. Yeah, and in the Avatar universe, I kind of feel like it's um it's it's a critique of colonization, not a direct satire. But it's more like, oh, well, you know, the intentions were good to start off to kind of like, you know, communicate with them, but eventually, you know, the humans are gonna take it too far. Like greed is gonna be too overwhelming, yeah, you know, for them.

SPEAKER_03 51:19

The survival of humanity is worth more to them than na' life.

SPEAKER_06 51:23

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 51:24

But also then they start exploiting the unobtanium. Yeah. Unoptainium, a term that has existed since the 1950s. No, yeah, you can't. It just meant like a theoretical material. Um, and so a bunch of like media have used it to describe something at some point.

SPEAKER_07 51:43

Oh, okay. All right. So Cameron was just kind of like uh he was still in the human universe on that. He's like, don't blame me for that. It's human.

SPEAKER_03 51:51

Bro, the amount that Cameron has thought about this movie is crazy. Yeah. Like every detail is like designed by his crazy brain.

SPEAKER_07 51:59

Yeah. Yeah. They say he was a truck driver in Canada. Is that true? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I just bel I just imagined him driving across Alberta just thinking about it.

SPEAKER_03 52:10

I'd rather envision him as, you know, in a pantheon Cameron.

SPEAKER_07 52:15

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:16

I'll pass him as gods to the next generation.

SPEAKER_07 52:19

Yeah. Just to be in a room with like him and Elon Musk, that would be the smell of oh my god. Yeah, the the mu the the musk. The Elon Musk. Oh yeah. Oh my god.

unknown 52:31

Heavenly.

SPEAKER_07 52:32

Heavenly Musk. Yeah. Interior. Transit Hub 7. Basement. Spider, dreaded, shirtless, and old as fuck, is seated in what appears to be a Macy's Santa Claus throne from an earlier time. He looks like a blend of George Clinton and late-stage Jerry Garcia. He is obviously shirtless and is leading a meeting of dust-covered refugees wearing oversized t-shirts, most likely meant for their Navi avatars.

SPEAKER_01 53:08

Hello, spiderlings. Hello, Papa Spider.

SPEAKER_07 53:13

What do we remember? We remember the water.

SPEAKER_01 53:16

Good. Now today's sermon will be a bit less traditional than what we have done in the past, but by no means less important.

SPEAKER_07 53:26

One of the babies in the flock starts to cry. The mother passes the baby to Spider, who holds it in his arm. It grabs his dreadlocks and immediately stops crying.

SPEAKER_01 53:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 53:38

This is a sweet baby. What will become of Ivan? He was our only chance of using the facility. Come on, don't be naive. He's fucking dead. Don't will that! The crowd descends into heated debate. Spider raises one hand and dramatically, the baby he holds raises his hand with Spider. The crowd is in awe. I am in communication with Ivan. How is that even possible?

SPEAKER_01 54:07

They've shut down all brain transmissions. We are speaking in dreams. Which leads me to my sermon. I want us to focus. To focus this evening on what I will call the human dream hunt. Human dream hunt? How is that possible without the Navi? It is possible. Link hands, everyone, quickly. The flock immediately pays heed to Papa Spider and follows his will. In the beginning, before Pandora, before Navi, before the likes of light, there was a warmth that was passed to all living creatures. A deep connection. At certain points this was referred to as God Mother Tree. Sometimes it was called improv. But it meant a connection to your fellow living creature. And yes, we can experience the dream hunt without the Na'avi. With only our bodies.

SPEAKER_07 55:15

That's impossible. We don't have the technology.

SPEAKER_01 55:18

Do not speak of technology. Focus together. Close your eyes. Dream hunt with each other. What do you see? Blood vessels? White splotching? Focus more. Relax. Become one with this earth. This earth that was once more than a withered teeth. That once contained life. Even more abundant than the Mune of Pandora. Tell me what you see.

SPEAKER_07 55:47

The air is still and calm, the flock and Papa Spider breathing together. I see. I see. Tell us, mother. I can see water. Tree of life montages of the mighty Mississippi River once again pulsating in the life force that has been created in this room. We. Yes. Then we.

SPEAKER_01 56:13

And very good.

SPEAKER_03 56:24

Wow. The creation of improv, once again, the connection. No, no, no. No, no.

SPEAKER_07 56:31

Origin of Improv. Improv created us. Right. Okay, so that's my pitch to James Cameron, right? It's like I'm in an elevator with him, and I'm like, okay, it's Avatar, but it's improv.

SPEAKER_03 56:40

But had improv been given life before this point, or was it like a dead human art?

SPEAKER_07 56:45

No, no, no, because they didn't have the chairs. They weren't, they didn't invent the chairs yet. You know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_03 56:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 56:49

Like the wooden chairs with like the circular back. Oh, yeah. Once that was done, everybody got it.

SPEAKER_04 56:54

Everybody got it. It was like inventing the wheel.

SPEAKER_07 56:56

Yeah, it was like that, a black spot, a black box theater and a uh PBR tall boy.

SPEAKER_03 57:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 57:01

Done.

SPEAKER_03 57:02

It's like the HUD Sucker Proxy Circle. It's for kids. Yeah. But it's just a chair and everybody goes, ah, improv.

SPEAKER_06 57:08

It's for 40-year-olds. Yeah. They're sexual predators.

SPEAKER_07 57:12

Um, this is beautiful. Thank you. And improv changes the way that we communicate with each other. Yeah, and Spider like gets it. Like he's getting flashes, I think, of it. You know?

SPEAKER_03 57:22

Not when I think of like UCB or you know the pit and all those things, I will look at them as churches.

SPEAKER_07 57:28

No, I would look at them as, you know, like false prophets. You know, I would look at um I would look to Del Close and you know his his whole thing as the true way. I think the true way of improv. I think one day improv will be like its own religion, you know, in a good way. It'll bring us together.

SPEAKER_03 57:47

I think so. I think that things are stronger than God's, you know. Like real human connection, and that's a thing, and maybe that has a name.

SPEAKER_07 57:54

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 57:55

You know, maybe we can start that like gumpism. I'm so over. I'm like into this kind of like new exciting energy that we have. Yeah. I'm like excited to see what comes next.

SPEAKER_07 58:04

Oh, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:05

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I'm just gonna start talking about like sex very brazenly with you. Like my dad really taught me that, you know, as he almost passed on and he spoke to this connection, and I think I absorbed it.

SPEAKER_07 58:16

Well, that's kind of what ruined improv is like you know, being in a room with someone, especially 20 years younger than you, and being able to touch their leg.

SPEAKER_04 58:23

And then when it stops, you can't anymore.

SPEAKER_07 58:26

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And be like, we're gonna play the trust game. We're gonna do like a trust fall, but it's my hand on your leg. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:33

I mean, they look awkward, I think sometimes it was called.

SPEAKER_07 58:36

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Awkward. You would put your hand as far up on somebody's thigh. Until it gets weird.

SPEAKER_03 58:42

Yeah, it's crazy how many times it didn't get weird. I always won.

SPEAKER_07 58:48

Um I had a Letterman jacket in high school because I was so good at it. I was a varsity, awkward game player.

SPEAKER_03 58:54

The boys' playroom is really rough. It's a rough place.

SPEAKER_06 58:59

What color do you think it is? I think.

SPEAKER_03 59:02

I mean, it would be, you know, it would be comfortable, but it would be I I would want it a little gaudy.

SPEAKER_07 59:08

A little gaudy, and definitely the floor is absolutely like that kind of like PVC like puzzle. Kevin Spacey designing his yacht right now.

SPEAKER_03 59:17

I just want it, you know, comfy, cozy, cozy on me, little toesies. When I walk in, I want shag carpet. Shag carpet.

SPEAKER_07 59:24

Looking for a room where like no sound can come out of it. Mostly soundproof, the whole thing. Mostly soundproof and a little hole for your penis.

SPEAKER_03 59:32

Uh, he would knock on every surface, like you know, his character, Frank Underwood, he would knock and have people outside and be like, Can you hear that?

SPEAKER_07 59:40

Yeah, and the whole time he's like with the yacht dealer. And so you be the yacht dealer, I'll be Kevin Spacey.

SPEAKER_03 59:46

But I was doing such a good Kevin Spacey. The yacht dealer would probably be Persian. I'm not gonna do a Persian accent. Did you go for it? No. I went for enough accents in Okay, so you be the yacht dealer first, then I'll be the yacht dealer. Okay, I'll be the yacht dealer. And this is improv, though.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:00

This is improv, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:01

I feel Yahweh between us.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. Uh, before we do that, there is one last thing. Are you do you want a drink or no? Sure. Yeah, I'll have a drink. Then this is to call back a previous segment, a blind taste test. Oh, fuck me. So close your eyes.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:14

Uh, we might have said this on the podcast, but if you haven't, look up uh videos of Kevin Spacey dancing and doing a cabaret in Tel Aviv. It's very good.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:23

Yeah, and also if they haven't seen House of Cards, they're gonna like uh 90% of the Kevin Spacey references aren't gonna make any fucking sense.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:30

Nobody knows Kevin Spacey from anything but House of Cards. Even if you knew, if you've been if you're like, I learned about him from any of that thing else, House of Cards, rewrote that.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:40

Yeah, okay, wait, am I drinking it? Uh yeah, let's do it. Okay, so I'm drinking it and I'm trying to tell you what it is. Oh my god, I'm so bad at flavors because I know I've had this flavor, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:50

Yeah, you probably have never had it in a drink unless think of it on a chip. Is it dill? It's dill pickle, yeah. Is this a dill pickle beer? Yes, we are sponsored this week by Grillo's Pickles Collab with PBR. Whoa, that's crazy. Isn't it's not bad. No, it's actually really good. It's really refreshing. We're gonna make Micheladas with it tomorrow. Oh my god, that would be unbelievable. We're gonna go in golfing even though it's raining. Yeah, it'll be fine.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:18

Yeah, dude, when I drank this, I was like, damn. Um yeah, I was like, that flavor is not a drink flavor, that's not a liquid flavor.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:27

No.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:28

This is so good. Cheers, dude. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:30

Cheers. Aren't the cans fun too? They're so fun. This really is an ad for Gorillos Pickles collaboration with PBR from Squirkles. Hashtag show us your pickle. Hashtag whip out the pickle. I was a bartender for a while, and I had one special, and it you only knew about it because it was a secret if I told you when I was like really drunk. And it was called uh pickle for a dickle. No, it was called dickle for a pickle, and it was like you bring in a pickle that you made to the bar. Um and it's tasty. It's tasty enough for me to eat the whole thing. There's a dickle, like double tall anything you want. Oh, cute. Yeah, nobody ever did it. But if they would have, if like the green knight would have walked in one day and challenged me with his pickle.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:18

You would have been fully prepared.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:20

I would have been prepared to pour him a pint of dickle on the rocks.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:23

Oh my god. That's a great game. I mean, more uh restaurants and bars should have games that are just obvious health code violations.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:32

Yeah, if you advertise it, somebody walks in immediately. What's the yeah, if you What are the rules of this game?

SPEAKER_07 1:02:37

Yeah, if you bring in a piece of your daughter's placenta, we'll give you a cowboy.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:44

We have uh we do uh rectal sharing on Wednesday nights. We we trade biome with each other, you know, it's like casual.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:52

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:52

Or we do the thing where housewives over wine, whatever.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:55

Yeah, we have like a prison intake night.

unknown 1:02:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:59

Where like we take you into this back room that we have, and uh we hose you down, and then you open up your butt cheeks, and then we pour in and have you boof uh it would not be Tito's, it would definitely be a worse vodka.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:13

I mean, if you got like international, you know, recognition, you you would fucking you know, reservations would fill up within months, you know? Yeah, like we went to the prison in the.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:31

Yeah, and you could do it at a space. I would do it in an old prison that's near like a city center. I think Philadelphia specifically has that prison that's kind of like in this, like Yeah, and you know they're just for sale anyway. Dude, they do like a haunted house there every October. Like they don't use like you can get Eastern State Penitentiary, you can get tours of it, whatever. You know they're fucking failing. Yeah, they're doing fucking haunted house tours. Um, why not let us open a bar and then we'll do like multiple MIGs night? We'll have a guy like throw com at you. Yeah. Um, for like that, that version of that.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:08

It means there's too many prisons that there's so many that they're like, we we thought this would be a thriving business, and they're you know, we're like, they'd rather just overstuff pro other prisons.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:17

You know, it's not you know what's a business that's never gonna stop thriving? Fucking taverns and bars, public houses.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:23

Oh yeah. And that's where the people meet and they discuss these things. You have a beer across from a guy, a like-minded guy, a strange guy, and you say, Hey. You know, these thoughts that we've been talking about while we've been watching the Navi game. You know, they're so tall, but honestly, I love the way their bodies look. I wish one day, you know, I used to be able to run a lot faster. I was uh quarterback in high school.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:48

Yeah, oh you were? Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what they call you. Well, backup quarterback, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:53

No, for one semester, I was frontline quarterback.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:57

No, no, he was good. He was really good. Don't let's let him think shit about it.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:00

Everybody was like, I never knew that he was this good. Why was he always so lazy? I wasn't lazy. I just didn't have any motivation, you know? And uh, so two years ago, I fell out of a thing. I was driving, and I hurt my hip.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:15

I know, I know.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:16

You told us. And I just like, you know, it used to be one of my joys to run along the river, and you know, the night's always so nice to smell that plant down the thing. I don't know what chemical they're using, but the smell is actually like kind of weird and nice. The hydrangeas. That's the one you're talking about, like smells kind of like hydrangeas, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:34

But it's a little different. Uh sorry. I got into gardening recently.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:36

I'm not usually there's a little burn to it, but for the most part, it's like it smells fine, you know, and nice. Not like this fucking stink around here, you know. Yeah. Yo, if I could run like he could run, if I could get in one of those bodies to run again.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:51

Oh, dude. You know, I I I I I obviously I wasn't on the football team with you, man, but like you know, I was always a pretty I was I was a big kid. I wasn't too fast. But you know, when I look at these You could have made a good line, then you know Yeah, again, I I was too into you know erotic fiction. But if I could just get myself in one of them blue bodies, god damn the stories I would come up with. Damn, like I would I I'm just at a loss. Like all of my erotic fiction these days, it just takes place in furniture stores.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:27

Can I tell you something though? And don't tell anybody I told you this. But you can get into that without having to move into the body. It's fine. Yeah, but imagine if like I did have like a big blue dick, you know. Right. Or if you could download yourself into one of the things that feeds you erotic fiction, like a memory. If you had the fucking tail. Is that chat GPT? Basically.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:56

I would do it in a heartbeat. I wouldn't even I would let Elon Musk just take over my body for just one erotic idea from the.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:04

The things that Elon would know how to what to do with you?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:08

God damn.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:10

You enter his mind, he's already thought of 13 different ways that he can make you come in a side.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:15

Maybe it maybe it's the nightly blue chew I take before a nightly beer, but I am rock hard for you. If I get you hot, Roddy? Roddy, I'm getting pretty funny.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:25

Always gets me hot.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:26

I want to get up and go piss, but man, I would uh I would put a dent in this bar.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:31

I like when guys talk like this. Guys can just talk like this.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:34

They're not able to talk like this anymore.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:36

No, everybody's too PC, you know. Guys can't just talk about like going maybe to wank each other off.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:41

Or playing the awkward game. Yeah. Uh everybody's just so PC, dude. It's so fucked up.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:47

It's fucked up. Yeah, so you know, that's that was really great. That's what the mark situation could be like.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:53

Um to me be the Persian yacht dealer.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:57

Uh yeah, was I even the Persian yacht?

SPEAKER_07 1:07:59

You didn't do it. You didn't do it. Because I I just went for the bit while you were there. Okay. Um very nice.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:07

It's a very good deal.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:09

Um, what I'm Kevin Spacey. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:12

And I I was I tried Persian, it just sounded I think I sound like Bain. Like it's a good deal. He's just international. No, it's a great deal.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:20

So he's from everywhere.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:21

Okay. This this one, this this maiden of the seas, she's called uh the the double header because her old owner was the owner of the Kansas City Royals.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:35

He was talking to me like I was some two bit nothing. Like I hadn't grown up around men like him, like I didn't know his wily ways. But I'm always cool under pressure. So Oh yeah, it's a beautiful ship. There's you know a few things I would have done differently, but uh no, she runs.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:57

I can tell by your southern lilt, you're a man of many tastes, and I think you'd have a lot of wonderful places you could sail to on the doubleheader.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:10

Oh, don't let my southern charm make you think that I am unworldly in any way. I have been around and around and around the world.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:21

Well, let me take you aboard here. I'll I'll show you one of the many rooms. You'll you'll have to excuse me, but there's been a terrible lubricant spill in the in the main cavity. You're trying to butter me up, aren't you? I know your tactic. No, I've spent all morning trying to remove the lubricant. Oh, and it's all over your body now, isn't it? I'm I've never been covered in this much lubricant. It's making my skin quite.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:52

And to be honest, this was not, he did not, this was an accident. He had accidentally spilled, but Kevin Spacey took the situation wrong. Oh, yeah. And so this is another example of like Kevin Spacey is a predator.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:05

100%, dude. Yeah. Dude, that whole thing with him in Bain. Did is Bain Persian? Like, what is that accent? I'm just from everywhere. I guess I'm from Is it a lie? I'm a man of the world. Um I yeah, I mean it was really quick when it all it all went down. Yeah, um, but he really I think he just might be a predator.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:28

Yeah, I think he I mean, I think bad people uh become a lot of things. Uh and being an actor does not make you safe from being a fucking 100%, dude.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:38

And uh yeah, and Bobby Darren sings uh the sh the Mac the knife, which is about a guy just fucking murdering people.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:45

I've and uh Beyond the Sea is derivative of La Mer French song. So it's like this guy stole. All he did was steal. That's one thing you learn in the show is like so many of his early songs are just dupes of famous songs at that time because he just wanted to like ride a wave into fame.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:02

Yeah, I kind of like I've always I I didn't like I've never devoted enough time to look into it, but I've kind of suspected maybe Bobby Darren was all fucked up, which is why he was like idolized by Kevin Spacey, unless he just thought he was like a cool crooner.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:15

Yeah. Kevin Spacey's kind of you know, just like I love dancing on the stage.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:22

And doing little bits for you. I always knew his career would devolve into this. I just didn't know like how it would spin out of control into this.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:32

Yeah, yeah. And now just like making videos, uh well, that was years ago, though. We've already talked about the Let Me Be Frank videos, but those are those are my favorite.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:40

I think I'm I I talked about it on the upside, but I I I like I'm fascinated by Kevin Space. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:47

Um, have you ever seen the movie uh Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil? Um we've talked about it a long time ago, but I have not He's doing the Frank Underwood voice in that one. He he's always wanted to do that kind of like uh like Southern Bell voice.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:01

He's been developing this for you know years, is like this pick come out. Has like, I'm Kevin Spacey and I'm a predator. Hello.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:12

Yeah, yeah. He was having like a quince and era, but for like being a sexual.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:16

This is my new voice now, and this is just how I'm gonna talk, and you're all gonna deal with it because I'm a fancy little fuck.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:23

Yeah, my hobbies include having the key that malemen have. To get to get into the lobby of buildings.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:32

I know somebody in your government, it doesn't matter who, it doesn't matter how high, but they got me this key to your town, to your city, to your home.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:41

So we always better be ready for Kevin's space.

SPEAKER_07 1:12:45

In Spacey Town, the cameras are inside the toilet.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:53

Where are the cameras normally?

SPEAKER_07 1:12:57

They're usually uh hidden in the electrical outlets, but mine are so deep inside that they can withstand pressure up to 40,000 feet today. Yeah, I use I have I've used periscopic technology to to install periscopes into every toilet in the boys' dormitory at every state university in Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:22

It's a good place to start some quality poon.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:25

Yeah, just the boys' bathroom. Paint balls and ass, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:31

Because when you when you shit and you don't have to piss, you're supposed to keep your shaft sitting on the room of the toilet.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:38

Like your dad taught you before he died.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:42

Because he came so hard. Well, he taught me that after he died.

SPEAKER_07 1:13:46

Damn, and your mom, what was your mom doing?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:49

Was she just like Well, do you want to hear this? Yeah, I do. So the rest of that part of the story is like your mom glistening in sweat is laying on top of me still, and she's saying, Ray, Ray, wake up. And she's got like a cigarette in her mouth, you know. Well, yeah, she's always she's starting, she's gotten super thin, but only because she smokes two packs of cigarettes a day.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:13

I would have thought she got she gained a hundred pounds because all the cum went inside of her.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:16

It filled her up like a cum balloon. And he went, well, she was thickened with my jizz, of course.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:25

Of course, you know, like thermodynamics, you know, matter is neither created nor destroyed. It had to go somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:31

So unabashedly, without saying anything, she was three pounds heavier. I had quite a load that day. I said mind-blowing. Um, dude, three pounds of jizz, it's a lot to process.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:43

Yeah, I mean, it's probably heavy, and honestly, three pounds of jizz is probably produced every half a second.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:49

It's mostly all just gonna leak out, you know?

SPEAKER_04 1:14:55

To be fair.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:56

It's like I feel like I'm imagining like a porn shoot, and like there's some guy on set that's just like explaining where the cum is gonna go. You know, like like a I don't know how to describe it, like a set guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:08

Yeah. My dad didn't say this, just to preface this for you.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:12

But he's like, I thought she had squirted, but it was just he was like, no, no, that was all your cum spilling out of me. We didn't get into that level of intimate detail.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:27

Oh my god. I don't think I've heard my parents say the word sex.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:32

This is what I'm finding out from a lot of people, because I've shared this story with like a couple people that I didn't think were like, and they were like, this is weird. It's weird that you talk to your dad about no, it's it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:43

It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:44

No, I think I mean I'm I don't have a healthy relationship to sex, but I don't think it's because of my parents. I think it's because I'm a shitty person, you know?

SPEAKER_07 1:15:52

Yeah, of course, of course.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:53

And the internet.

SPEAKER_07 1:15:55

And that dastardly internet is so close and so tempting. So close, though. Um, what a script. Thank you. It it's not a lot, but then again, it's like I can't really get into it because I just I feel like James Cameron would look at it and be like, no, you no, you did it all wrong.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:11

Bro, you know what I think? I think it's like a animatic, you know, or like an um like a real animated short in like a collection that's like stories of off stories off Pandora.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:22

Oh my god, there's gotta be like a a market for that. I mean, think of all like the Star Wars paperbacks there are.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:27

Yeah, there's definitely like alternate material in media, like I said. If you hey, if you're feeling that Navi pleasure and like excitement to run, go to your local Barnes and Noble and pick up some ancillary material about it. Yeah, why not a library? Avatar universe. Yeah. And just you can feel like you're picking Cameron's brain, the great Cameron. You you're digging in there and really finding it.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:52

Or just put on the dreadlocks, go to your library, harass the Polish lady working there and being like, I need to put this hair on something.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:02

What connects to this? Um, and then they find that it's not working. But no, then they find it through improv.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:11

Mm-mm. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:12

The power of improv.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:13

And improv saves the day. It does at the end.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:16

Yeah, I think we proved that today because we needed it just like maybe like six or eight more minutes of material, and I think we did some quick, tight, short form, but beautiful story.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:27

We did more bits than I've ever seen. I honestly I wish I could have seen the inside of this yacht more.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:32

Oh my god. It's um, but yeah, Kevin Spacey will take this yacht. Oh, thank you. Biggest sale of the year.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:40

As he's zipping up his flight, he says, My lawyer will be in contact with you. And his lawyer's been standing outside the door watching the whole time, and he just tosses the fucking.

SPEAKER_07 1:17:50

Yeah, he's like, sign it. Yeah, the lawyer Kevin Spacey's lawyer just coming up with creative ways for people to sign something by accident. There's just like he just grabs their hand and puts like the fingerprint on it or something. Yeah. Yeah. When you look at a lot of his documents, they don't all add up. Or okay, or this. He doesn't keep it tight. Yeah, you know, like Kevin Spacey does his terrible thing, and then the lawyer opens up like a new coffee shop next to like wherever the person is living, and the next morning, and like the person goes in for a coffee before they go to the police station. Yeah. And then the barista like turns the terms and conditions. Like they think it's the tip screen, but it's the turn it's Oh yeah, it's it's it's a it's uh it's an NDA.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:28

Yeah, yeah. It's called the NDA Cafe.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:32

That's I mean that's that's basically the future we're living in, right? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We're speaking to society, we're creating satire, um, which is what I think like those fucks on the internet who wanna hate on the na'e and then compare it to the fucking um Starship troopers and say, look, it's the same story. It's not the same story, it's being told in two different ways. One is being told with like kind of one lens and one focus and one point of view, and that's okay. That's what stories are supposed to do.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:03

Yeah, I got a bone to pick with those fuckers. Also, I had a bona pick with the all the fuckers that have been leaving five-star reviews on our podcast. Fuck those guys.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:10

Oh my god, stop it. Stop. Stop doing that.

SPEAKER_07 1:19:12

Stop. Don't even listen to this fucking podcast. Stop sending us emails. We're flooded. Yeah, don't even think about connecting your fucking ponytail to the mother tree and directly implanting puck fucking sequel ideas into our fucking collective conscience. Fuck you. If you get that nasty little thing near me, I'm gonna slap it away. I'll slap it. Like slap it hard enough so that you'll enjoy it, but it's gonna sting. It'll sting.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:39

You'll know I mean business. We mean business here. Um, and that's why, you know what? Gumpism has been great. I think it like taught us a lot about this podcast, but it hasn't been monetarily successful. Avatar is one of the most successful franchises in history. Yeah. Yes. Relatively short amount of time. Yeah, exactly. Where's my Mazda? You know, I deserve a Mazda. I should be driving a nice Mazda. But instead, you know, we are these slaves working for menial labor, an Earth colony, providing for what? The great ship, the great other, you know, frontier.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:18

So I can fucking like get Elon Musk's sperm to Mars? I don't fucking want that.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:23

Nobody wants that.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:24

Nobody wants that.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:25

But honestly, too many emails. Please stop sending them in. If if we get any more, they're just all really gonna spill out of us. Yeah, and I'm gonna go. It's still like a big mess on the bed.

SPEAKER_07 1:20:33

I'm so sorry we can't respond to the emails. I've been using all the tissues that we have to get them off of my um my Gmail home screen. Um, and they've been uh pouring out of there because of the storage space uh for hours.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:48

Um I figured out that in our play space, in our mind play space, the the boys' playroom.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:55

I do want something to like squeak like a balloon or like like like lube covered.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:02

Yeah, like a lube covered, like fun thing. Like rubber balls. Like rubber balls. I I see that. But I don't want them to be lube covered. It's like looking like a Jeff Coons type.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:10

But I want something like soft that squeaks like a balloon. Okay, okay. Um, and uh maybe that's what squeak pod can stand for in the future. Is that sound.

SPEAKER_07 1:21:21

And the pod that we're in when the boys are lubricated. In squeak pod.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:24

Uh you can find us at squeak pod at all socials. Uh you can reach us at squeak podcast at gmail.com. Um, come join our playroom playroom. Um, thank you, Judy. Thank you, Jordan. Bye, bye.