Squeakquels: A Sequel Podcast
What if the next great film sequel wasn’t decided by the soulless bean-counters and franchise necromancers that run Hollyweird but by two losers with too much time on their hands? Step into the writer’s room with Jude and Jordan as they break down the tone, themes, and tropes of every film and franchise to produce the next totally unnecessary follow-up film!
Squeakquels: A Sequel Podcast
Everything Deserves a Sequel
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Jordan and Jude eat, pray, love their way through a new belief system that states that perhaps every thing ever deserves a sequel.
They talk about the e-Saint quite a bit too.
One, two, three, fall. Get the booty on the floor. Gotta gotta get up.
SPEAKER_02Get down.
SPEAKER_03Get the bucket. Okay, so I have another story about my family to tell you. Yeah. I saved this one because the first one. This is like the break story. So this is we're coming up on Father's Day, as we all know. Oh god. Um, and a few weeks back it was Mother's Day. Yeah. And as I said, I saw the uh incredible delight, the incredible ascension of mood that my parents achieved when they met my brother's new baby. And um then when they told me that my middle brother Tobias had stopped sending them kids' photos, and I don't know exactly the reason why. The reason my mother told me was because she's the victim in every story that she tells me. Um but uh my brother and his wife have like kind of stopped sending them photos of their kids, and I think it's mostly because like printing all those photos, like paying for that, is expensive.
SPEAKER_00Oh, she was upset that she wasn't getting physical copies of pictures. Yeah, that they can hang on their wall or whatever. Okay, but they're still like texting pictures. I don't know. Okay, your brother's not done. I was not investigating it that much. Yeah, your brother's just like I'm not gonna fax things to mom anymore.
SPEAKER_03Yes. And so I saw the incredible despair that brought them to not be receiving those kid photos anymore. So I kind of started joking with Anna that you're like you should have a baby just to send photos.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I thought you were gonna send like kind of like nude photos of Anna to your parents. Yeah, look at my baby.
SPEAKER_04We repose her in all of like the little naked baby photos we have from kids.
SPEAKER_00Yes. You build like a giant, like uh Nathan Fielder's show, uh, the rehearsal, you build like a gigantic Sears like photo booth, and you get a gigantic crib so she looks like a full-size baby.
SPEAKER_03That would be good. Um, our solution was though, is that um we were going to create an AI baby and say, like, we're never having a biological child, but here's our AI baby. And we just kind of like riffed on it for a minute, and we had some pretty good jokes, and then I like went to a website that combined our faces together into a baby. Uh-huh. And I was like, Oh, it's a cute baby, great. And it did the whole thing, and it was a little baby girl. Oh beautiful. And I said, What do you want to name our little baby girl? And she immediately responded with pit bull. And I was like, Great. So then on Mother's Day, in just a chat between Anna, my parents, and myself, I sent a photo of our baby, and I said, I explained the situation, and then I said, So please welcome into the world our AI baby pit bull. She's zero pounds, 1500 pixels long, and she's already drinking a lot of water. Oh, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01She's taking a lot of energy to make this baby.
SPEAKER_03And um I thought my parents would respond in the way they usually do to anything that's not me like performing on stage, which they love, um, but should just my general demeanor and sense of humor, which was like, oh, haha, funny, you know, oh Jordan. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, okay, okay. Um, but immediately my dad responded with, How often will we get updates about this child? Can you send a picture of you two holding this baby?
SPEAKER_00Oh, so your dad went full AI gooner. Like he saw he he took the bait and then he was like, you know, celery man. Yeah. Can I see nude tane? What different poses can you make this baby do? Oh my god, really? Um and was your dad like, oh, this is like he doesn't know how like AI or like ChatGPT or anything works, so he was like, oh shit, like I can do this now?
SPEAKER_03Well, so uh there's a bit more. There's a bit more to like the the depths of depravity that this reaches, but I will say that like my parents are fully aware of AI, and and that's just a little tease for it. Yeah. Um he said, like, will you send uh updates on every holiday? Can I get one for Father's Day? And I was like, Oh, okay, this is where we're at. And then without my responding to that chat or any sort of context or prompt, my mom in our entire family group chat sends a photo of Anna and I holding the baby from a wedding photo that she had of us, you know, from way back. That she like AI she AI put the baby.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god, that's unhinged. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And then, um, you know, Jersey texts me because he just had a baby and I'm stealing his fucking thunder with this with this hot new baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, what the fuck is going on right now? And I explained the situation. He was like, oh ha ha, okay, okay. And then all of a sudden, my mom sends to the same group chat a picture of my 17-year-old nephew and his prom date holding a baby.
SPEAKER_00Oh, oh, oh my god.
SPEAKER_03And then a picture of her and my father when they were like 30 years old and found out they were pregnant with Jersey holding a baby. And underneath she writes, This is the baby girl that your father, Ray, and I could have had.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow. Okay. So I feel like your are your parents Mormon? Because I feel like this is like Mormon behavior. I don't know. Like if there was a chat for Mormons, they would just be like, Show me 14 generations of babies.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's uh it's it's a it's quite like an old religious person like thing to do. It's yeah. Oh, definitely. Because I talked to another friend about it. I I told them this story, and they showed me a photo that their mother had sent, and it was like her in a white robe, surrounded by all of her floating grandchildren, like in white robes as well.
SPEAKER_04And it just said like happy Mother's Day and sparkly fought, and they're like, none of these children have ever been in the same room as each other.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, let alone like naked cherubs flying around your weird fucking goddess figure. That's so weird. Yeah, we gotta be careful with this shit.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so then I, you know, I was like, I had no idea that mom like was on ChatGPT or had any idea what was going on with it. And then Amber, my sister, says, like, well, did you see that the photo she sent of holding Jersey's baby was modified with ChatGPT? And I like looked back and it was not just a photo, but it was like a link through ChatGPT that's sent in the chat. And I was like, Oh, she probably was like, Can you like make my teeth whiter or something in this photo? Yeah, yeah, something to adjust the look. Yeah. Oh wow. And then um apparently my mom has sent my sister like ChatGPT images, and she's like, This is what you would look like if you lost 30 pounds.
SPEAKER_00Oh, oh wow, oh wow. Okay, good thing your mom didn't have that technology when your sister was like 13. Yeah. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03It's it's good that it can't do any like emotional or psychological damage to us now. It just is doing irreversible uh mental and psychological damage to my mom.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. Oh my god, absolutely. Dude, she's probably using that thing for like ways that are like unheard of. Depraved. Yeah, absolutely depraved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, but that is that's wild. And does your mom like, does your mom like smoke a little weed or anything? Is she like kind of like a little hippie?
SPEAKER_03As soon as it became legal, they were like, it's cool now. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So I could just kind of picture your mom like kind of like, you know, you know, she does a little bit of the gummy, does a little tincture. She gets a picture of you and Anna's baby, and that just like sets her off.
SPEAKER_03It's like when I start like designing a DD campaign. That's what they're doing. Yeah, I'm like looking through Pinterest and I'm like, oh, that's a cool looking character.
SPEAKER_00Dude, yeah, yeah, dude, absolutely. Oh man. Oh, do you know I did I ever fucking tell you this story? I don't know what story it is. Um, yeah, that's a good point. Uh so like it was like 2021 or something. It has to do with board game design.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Okay. So I love this as I'm a professional game designer. Yeah, dude, I I can't. I'm actually, it blows my mind I haven't told you about this. I don't know what was happening in my life. Maybe it was a dark time I was trying to repress something or whatever. But I was just going through um my parents' shit, basically. And my dad is like a hoarder, and he had like a a shit ton of like all these old um like tool kits. And he's like, Oh yeah, this is from your uh great uncle Steve, uh, who he died a long time ago. Um, you know, he's kind of a nerd, he was like an engineer, whatever. So I'm like going through his shit, and uh it's a lot of like old timey tools, and I'm like, oh, this shit's awesome. And then like I open like this like one thing, and it's like watermarked or like old thing. It's like 1944 property US government, uh, do not uh not intended for public view, uh classified.
SPEAKER_03Hell yes.
SPEAKER_00And I'm like, okay, what the fuck is this? I like open it up a little bit. You find out you're a clone of Hitler. Yeah, and I found that out later. No, but Jordan, I'm not kidding. It looked like a fucking cartoon drawing of an atom bomb. Like, like I w fuck and I'm I'm like, well, what the fuck is this, right? So like I go to my dad and he's like uh oh, I'm like, what did Uncle Steve do? And he's like, oh, you know, like he was uh an engineer. He told me he like designed toilets, you know, as a joke, but really he worked for uh something called like Dresser Rand, which was a World War II defense defense contractor.
SPEAKER_03Oh my god.
SPEAKER_00Yes, okay, so I start looking into it and I start finding it, and there's more and more blueprints that I start to find out. There's just a map that has like bikini atoll like circle. Circled go here. Yeah, there's like Zyklon A, B, C, D. Uh, this one didn't work.
SPEAKER_03There's just like a chemical formula, and when your mind breaks it down, kind of like numbers style, you find out it's for agent orange.
SPEAKER_00Yes, exactly. Oh my god. But anyway, so I I realized the blueprints were for the B52 bomber wing. He had like worked on the project for like the plane that dropped the bomb. Like he would he was an engineer on that project, right? And I didn't know it. And then my dad goes, okay, so yeah, he also had another passion. And he's like, Let me show you some more files. War crimes. No, Jordan. He had designed like the shittiest board games imaginable. And he was trying to get them like published through Parker Brothers, and it was just like rejection after rejection. He made like the shittiest game ever. Like, it was like, oh, uh Jordan, I have it in my house right now. I I gotta bring it over. But it's basically a game where you throw die, and the die have uh letters on them, and you try to like scrabble the letters out. Yeah. And it sucked, and everyone, it's like rejection letters from like Milton Bradley, uh, Parker Brothers, whatever like game designer. It's all like, dear Mr. Whatever, you suck. This game is terrible. This game is terrible.
SPEAKER_03Boring, kids fell asleep.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. And then one of them was like, actually, we were like gonna do it, but it's too similar to this other game that's already trademarked that we did. It's called s uh, it's called sorry, and it and it sent like the blueprint for it, and like the original sorry, is that the one with the the butt bubble in the I I I always get sorry and trouble confused. I think it's trouble. Okay. Whatever one has the bubble in the middle. Yeah. Whoever designed that game was like a Polish wizard that designed it to be like you were going around the universe and you were like traversing the cosmos. Aristotle. Exactly.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Aristotelian.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00And then, like, the I guess the Borgate company was like, fuck this communist shit. Like, you don't want to get in trouble. Yeah. Yeah, like some Don Draper fucked this guy's vision. But it was so funny. That was crazy, dude. That's so funny. So, like, my great uncle uh was a weird autistic guy who said he was a plumber that designed the wing, or like was on the team that designed the wing for the B-52 or B-29. Whatever the Flying Fortress is, I think it's B-29. He had like worked on that project, like outside of Scranton and then designed shitty board games.
SPEAKER_03My mind is just trying to come up with like the worst board game ideas, but thinking about them, I'm like, well, no, that it probably now is a board game since board games have become such a huge, you know, industry now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, like, there's no such thing as like really the I mean the the worst idea for a board game would just be like I don't know, meme meme meme streets. It's like mean streets, but it is memes.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, there's no your meme, or or what is it called? Um what do you meme? And it's like uh cards against humanity but with memes. Yeah. That's real.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that's real. That's a real I wouldn't want to play that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, no, there's it's it's not a fun game, but it's like one of those ones if everybody's like pretty drunk at a party and it's like nobody needs to know any rules. Yeah. Remember Irma Gerd Gerspermps? Yeah. What else could she be saying in that photo?
SPEAKER_00Probably I'm voting for Trump, uh, or I'm Storm in the Capitol.
SPEAKER_03Well, she was reading books at a young age, so she probably is not voting for Trump. That's a fair point. That's a that's a fair point. Welcome to Squequels! It's a sequel podcast. It's a lifestyle podcast. It's a podcast about brothers loving each other. Here at Squeakels, we believe that every movie deserves a sequel. Until now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think I've gone beyond that. Yeah, I think I think today you you wanted to mix things up a little bit. You wanted to make things a little spicy.
SPEAKER_03Well, it's because like gumpism kind of left me floundering. I felt that like there was no direction in some sort of like life where you're supposed to stumble into success. I felt lost. You hadn't heard the voice in a while. I haven't heard the voice in a while, and I know the voice will always be there, but usually it's to tell me to get up, get out of my car because there's three men with knives running towards me.
SPEAKER_00My voice is like it's kind of like shifted to an eye thing where it's like there's always like little bugs in the peripheral vision. You got floaters? I got floaters, dude, and they're I got ops.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I got ops now.
SPEAKER_03Um But I I think I'm gonna become maybe like a sequelist. And and it's I I live under this belief that perhaps not just movies, but perhaps everything deserves a sequel. And I just want to like you know, dip my feet in the pool. I wanna be like really like you know, first world problems about it, and just kind of like eat pray love my way through like a new religion for like one episode, if that works for you.
SPEAKER_00Uh that that works for me. Absolutely. I'm ready to do uh what is so it's eat, pray, and love. It's it's a it's a it's a vampire talking to his lover. Eat pray love. Eat pray love. Oh, he's like in an interview with a vampire when they like can't kill any type of human, so they're just like eating rats. Oh yeah. Eat pray love. Eat pray love. Eight pray love. Or if you're fucking Australian like badass and you like just kill the fucking kangaroo and you like hand it over to your like, you know, the woman you're interested in, you're like, eat pray love. Same concept.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'm trying to think of like maybe something to do with Regina Specter's song Eat, eat, eat, eat, but I couldn't.
SPEAKER_00Uh what is a uh male equivalent of eat prey love?
SPEAKER_03Oh, what is I see what you're saying. Uh like uh midlife crisis, I always feel like kind of falls into that area.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah. It would be like a guy that wants to go to like every baseball stadium and eat the different food there.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it's like a guy who's like watched Diners Drive Ins and Dives episode and wants to check off all the ones.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like I wanna live that. I wanna I wanna live in guys' footsteps. It's like the what is it, Santiago de Copastela or whatever, where like you go across the north of Spain. Yeah. That like a Catholic journey. Yeah, they'd have that in America. It's called the Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives um uh Mecca.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, 100%. I've worked in a number of restaurants that have been on diners, drive-ins and dives, and you will find like couples who come in wearing the visor with the guy fieri wig, and then they have a binder that's just filled with photos of the places they've been, and then like they'll have the staff sign it.
SPEAKER_00Dude, I I I have no idea. I I'm shocked by how many fucking places he's been. I went to a fucking din like I was in the most random ass part of Florida. Yeah. And I have the picture still, but like I was just leaving, and there was just a picture of Guy Fieri just like shaking hands with these just like kind of comatose owners or whatever. He should just like do something to every restaurant he goes to, like pee in it, or like pee in the corner, or like he spray paints his face on the wall.
SPEAKER_03He does he really? Yeah, you'll see it uh just around the corner. There's uh a comfort land on their fuse box. There's a little spray painted Guy Fieri face. That's so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, we love Guy Fieri actually here. He's a good guy, he's got a lesbian daughter or some shit. He like he likes you know, uh MC's lesbian weddings, he There's that whole bit that Shane Torres does where he's like, everybody's talking shit about Gapieri. But the only reason everybody hates him, and he says all this nice stuff about him, and then he goes, But just because he looked like a man that became the Joker by falling into a Vat of radioactive Mountain Dew, everybody hates him.
SPEAKER_00That's true, man.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Do you think it increases your property value? Like if you were trying to sell a restaurant and it had the Guy Fieri watermark, you'd be like It's like a Banksy. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03Um, so let's get right into format just because we're so off to get onto tangents. Um, Jude and I have both come in with five things that we believe deserve sequels. Oh, yeah. Um, and we'll give our reasons for them, we'll discuss them. We'd love to hear what you think. So if you have any ideas for things that deserve sequels, send them in to uh us at squeakpodcast at gmail.com or just reach out to us on our socials, Instagram at squeak pod. Um find us there. Um also just leave us a five-star review because like I'm moving, Jude's having a baby, and we're both fucking exhausted. And it takes a lot for us to get together and do this.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, dude, we're tired little boys, and when we get this time together, it's super precious. And if you were to send us, you know, whatever like deviant art stuff that you may have drawn of Jordan and I reenacting certain scenes from Forrest Gump, um, specifically the one where Jenny crawls in through the window at the end and kind of like sits on top of him of me and Jordan, that's totally that would be better. You know what I mean? Like we'd be able to look at that and we'd be able to cherish that.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it would be something that we could I could hang up in my new house, Jude could hang up in his baby's room.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like r and and if you could put like a little like illuminated star above it so that she could like fall asleep and like look at like her daddy like fucking you know, going into another guy or being gone into. We haven't decided he's gonna be.
SPEAKER_03Um, it's just kind of the moment that we feel we connect to strongly. Yeah, absolutely. Alright, so I just want to come into this strong because I am moving and I just watched uh Feckham Hall, uh very funny British comedy. Um at one point in the movie, uh a guy goes, New York? Doesn't the old one have, you know, blah blah pub? And you know, what do you what do you need a New York for? I that's that's that's good. And I I was like, oh, I g it it elicited a little chuckle out of me. And then I looked around and I'm gonna be leaving this city soon, and I, you know, was viewing the New York City skyline and how much it's changed just in the short amount of time it's been here, and I thought, like, New York doesn't even feel like New York anymore. It is kind of like old New York. And so maybe in some other country or in some other part of this country, we can have a new New York. New New York, okay. Alright, I like that. We just need to like reinvigorate. We we take some small town, we reinvigorate it by calling it New New York.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like those towns in like it'll be in like it would be in like Wisconsin or somewhere, and they'd be like, oh, it's gonna be like German now. The theme of the town is Germany. Yes. Okay, so we do that, but we bring it somewhere else. Okay, we make it more New York.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, we're not like re-establishing New York here, because uh just to be very clear, I did talk to my partner Anna about this, and she said that in Futurama there is already new New York, but it is just New York new.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yeah, they made it new, yeah. Madison Square Cube or whatever. Yes, Madison Cube Garden, Madison Cube Garden. They they changed baseball into Blourns Ball, and you can die in it. Which is fun. Which actually just they do that with Savannah Bananas. You can die in a minor league baseball game. Yes. Um, dude, you're well, you're fine because you're moving to Vegas, so you will have a New York theme, a loosely based, well, not loosely, a New York-based casino.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I'll have a I'll have a new New York, a mini New York, I'll have a mini France, I'll have a mini Italy. Yeah. Okay. That's this is a good start. I think maybe in my design of this, I'll I'll look to Vegas as inspiration because I'm not sure on the timeline if that New York there was built before this New York. Yeah. So if this their New York inspired this one, or if this New York inspired that one.
SPEAKER_00Okay, are we doing this in like India or are we doing this in like the United States now?
SPEAKER_03Just I like it could be in the United States now, but I'm not that jingoistic that I I don't believe that like some other part of the world could use New New York or like take advantage of that because you know, Old York, classic York or classic Amsterdam as uh it was originally because New York was originally New Amsterdam, um they're they're elsewhere in the world.
SPEAKER_00That's true. So wait, so okay, my other question for you, right? Okay, so let's say it's like wherever it is, what era are you gonna start with? Like, are you gonna do like 1970s, Broadway? Is it gonna be all small pornographic movie theaters, or is it gonna be more from like your experience? Like, is it gonna be like Williamsburg circa 2009, and that's gonna be the vibe of the new New York?
SPEAKER_03I think it's just spirit. So it's like this just needs to be a new cultural, economical, and social hub of the world. It doesn't need to like evoke the same idea, it doesn't need to parody or like be a carbon copy of the stuff. Oh, that's what I thought you were going for. No, okay. It just needs to be a new a New York. A new New York. Because at the time, they weren't building the buildings and going like, let's make a copy of the whatever, like the Empire State Building isn't something that exists in the same thing.
SPEAKER_00But it was an old York. Yeah. Oh, okay, dude, I get what you're saying. Alright, so the next like uh global nexus of culture and economics.
SPEAKER_03And and we could, you know, we could make the cultural joke where like if it's in Mexico, it's Nueva York, or if it's in, you know, Japan, it's Neo York, or whatever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, I mean, I think realistically it'd probably be in China, right? It would be, you know, maybe like a new developed, like, island, you know, built by the Chinese Communist Party to usher us in into a new generation.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I would love that. I would love if it was like owned by like Saudi or like by Chinese money. Yeah. And it was some sort of like developed.
SPEAKER_00I mean, really left field would be Filipino. That would be wild. If Philippines just like suddenly was like, oh, this is it. This is the vibe now. Hell yeah. Everybody's just like, we're all hanging out, we're we're chain smoking Marlboro Reds, we're eating really interesting snacks, uh, and then everybody moves there. Everybody moves to um Colombo. Wait, no, that's not uh Philippines, that's uh Sri Lanka.
SPEAKER_03Uh this I think it when you're talking about the Philippines, though, it's like, you know, you already have like a ton of the world's billionaires who are just like held up there because they don't want to get prosecuted for like terrible crimes and things like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to avoid that.
SPEAKER_00Or do you want to lean into it? I think leaning into it at this point is probably for the best. Peter Thiel went to uh Argentina. Oh, yeah. So nothing bad has ever happened in Argentina. Yeah, usually like when good people want to escape a country after doing good stuff and not completing it, they'll usually go to Argentina. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so yeah.
SPEAKER_03I do think like in the way that you know the Americ or world government and like politics has always kind of run, is like it does feel right to put it in South America. Yeah. You know, and just kind of like really d put a North American demand on South American like economy and politics.
SPEAKER_00Okay, yeah, yeah. That's worked before. It's really worked for us before. Still working. I like your idea, Jordan, but I think it's inevitable. I think it's gonna happen anyway. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03Do you think it's just because New York is gonna collapse under the weight of its own like expectation, like all these tall buildings, and then there'll be nobody really there to support them because of the inevitable economic collapse we're all facing?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and that brings me to my idea is 9-12.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so like you, you know, so September 11th, obviously. Yep, super great time. Um never forget to add one, you know. That wasn't my idea. Okay, wait. This might that wasn't actually your idea? No. Can I just ask where were you when the world stopped turning? Oh my god, dude. I d I swear to God, I may have brought this up on the COD podcast before. The CODCAS, the podcast. Is that my theory is that like if you get a bunch of people in a room and you have nothing to talk about, in four steps, you will talk about where you were on 9-11. It just happens. Um, we'll come up with a name for it later.
SPEAKER_03So I just want to say I like the idea of 9-12 just because I really miss all the great art, music, and like social, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I felt like that was like Toby Keith's like blue period. Uh courtesy of the red, white, and the blue baby. Yeah, okay, wait, my real idea is um Good Night Moon, um, but it's good night moon too.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so the classic kid story, Good Night Moon, Good Night Clocks. Yep. Um I think that would adapt really well to like ASMR. You know those like e-girls that do those ASMR and TikTok videos where they're like so it's like that, right? I like how all of yours are just kind of like soft sucking noises. Well, I haven't worked, I haven't been an ASMR artist in a while. Like it's like, but yeah, it's certainly like it's like tapping, it's like, Oh, thank you. Exactly. The long nails on the microphone is one of my favorite sounds. It'll be involved. Okay, so this is kind of for us, right? So we're gonna read our kids. So Goodnight Moon for for daddy. For for daddy, yeah, yeah, okay. So it's something for daddy. It's called uh good night, um, goodnight e-girl. Right? And she's okay, yeah. So she's like tucked in her little bed, um, and she is kind of guiding you, and she's like, Good night, Daddy, goodnight.
unknownGood night.
SPEAKER_00And then she says like the build-up of a PC or something. You would know this, but like, you know, something like that, like Goodnight.
unknownGecnology.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Yeah. Does she end it with a countdown? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She gives you good. Keep going. Yes, yeah. These are like the TikTok videos that I get at like when I come home at two in the morning from work, and I'm like, how does it know? How does it know? This is just what I need right now. Jordan, TikTok, I got home at like two or something, and I'm like, I'll just go on TikTok or whatever. I like go the algorithm was just like people being interviewed about child psychopaths and uh like literal ASMR porn. But anyway, that's it. Goodnight, e-girl, it's for daddy.
SPEAKER_03I love that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, Goodnight Moon 2, it's for daddy. Should we call that? Good night moon two, it's for daddy.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's good. Uh, you did have like Goodnight Motherfucker or whatever that Sam Jackson did. Oh, go go the fuck to sleep. Go the fuck to sleep. Yeah. That's so not funny anymore. You don't like that kind of stuff? I think Sam Jackson, he should be in more movies, he should be in more credit card commercials.
SPEAKER_00You know what I think? I I think that um commercials should be a little bit more random. Yeah, oh yeah. Like, that's the kind of humor that I like relate to. Yeah, when I'm seeing an insurance commercial, sometimes I'm just like, why can't this be more goofy? Yeah, yeah. They should have the uh the Buffalo from Buffalo Wild Wings commercials, he should like sell insurance. Oh yeah, and then that football player should ride in on the deep deer deals, the deal deer. Yeah, yeah, uh Kittle, George Kittle. He'll ride in and he'll be like, I'm on a deer. Did you audition for that deer? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did. I probably did. I'm not even kidding. Yeah. Um I got a check coming. I don't know what it's for. What do you think it's for? Do you suspect it's for anything?
SPEAKER_03I feel like Waze didn't pay me this year, and there was like a whole bunch of issues because their entire, like, you know, their whole system was like in flux. So they're the they're asking you. So that might be Waze money. Because I'm if you don't know, I'm the voice of Mall Santa on Waze during Christmas, and that's the gift that keeps on giving, honestly. Yeah, I have my parents change it to you every Christmas. I tell everybody too, just because I think like it's gotta be only like 15 people every year that actually access that voice, but now they've been paying me for like six years on a rebuy, which is like that's money.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, and you know that's just like one person in their accounts department that was supposed to cancel that yeah four years ago and just never did.
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah, 100% because that was this year, is like I went on and my voice was there, and I'm like, great, I'm getting paid again. And so I emailed my agent, and then they were like, Oh yeah, the person we normally contact about this doesn't work there anymore. Yeah, hell yeah. Um, but also like if you if you don't like me, just turn me on and then turn on like Master Chief or like Megan the Stallion, and they can give you directions on how to get to where you're going. Yeah. Um, okay, cool. So I th I love that. I love the idea for Goodnight Moon to It's for Daddy. Yeah. Um, this is my idea, and it's a bit more general, but it's like domesticated pets. Uh-huh. Like we've got dog. Yeah. We have cats. Oh, this is good. We need new pet. And people will say, you know, guinea pig is pet, bird is pet, you know, lizard is pet, but like, that's not pet. That's animal you keep in house. Pet is like animal that like shows affection and like hang out with you, do funny trick, that kind of thing. And bird can do funny trick, but like bird not soft, not cuddly. Okay, all right. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Is this going towards like an elderly person? No, I mean, you could give this pet to elderly person, but I think that's a good thing. Well, no, I thought the elder, like using them as pets.
SPEAKER_03That would be good. No, I think it's like think of animal, think of like cute animal in nature, like squirrel. Yeah. Or like bear. Uh-huh. And then we go like, okay, let's domesticate animal. Yeah. So sweet, not mean, not not like trying to run away all the time, make it reliant on us. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And then we breed them in interesting ways so that you can have like pug squirrel or like, you know, German Shepherd Bear.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. Yeah. Alright. So you're saying take any of these animals and then selectively breed them for traits. Oh, that's good. Yes. That's good. Oh man. Yeah, because squirrels already are so diverse. Yeah. There's there's black ones. Red ones. There's fucking skinny ones. Like all over the world. They're weird. Um, some are slower than others.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but I want like maybe I want a squirrel that's like, you know, 15 pounds and is like a fat chonker. That's and that's called like the the squirm dog or something. Yes. The squirm dog. Yeah. And then somebody wants like a teacup squirrel, and that's like a squirrel that's like two inches long. Yes.
SPEAKER_00You know? Yeah, yeah. Or like a even like like a wiener dog, like a very long squirrel. Yeah. I think I would definitely go for that. Like I could definitely see that in a in a cage, kind of like with like a decorative little leash. Um, and then you would have like the Westminster squirrel show. Yes, yes. And now where where we that would be vertical though. It's vertical. Yeah. Yes. Yes. And then all the people walking the squirrels are like having to walk like vertically. Yeah, they're on like bungee cordialness like cords. It takes place at like a rock gym. Yeah. Um, oh, that's good. That's really good. Uh so new pet. That's all I want.
SPEAKER_03New pet is good. Yeah. So it's pets two? It's no, it's like pets three. It's like the third pet. That's the fifth meet, the third pet.
SPEAKER_00That's great. That's I don't I don't think I have any notes for that. Other than like it just I think you know how they say like if it's a good improv scene, it's like you can kind of just jump in and use your own ideas. Yeah. That's that's all that is.
SPEAKER_03I think we're already like a third of the way there with like pigs, you know, like a lot of people have kind of domesticated pigs, and there's a lot of good varieties of them, and you've got your like little cute ones, and you've got your big bonkers, and it's like pig is good pet, pig can be cute pet. Some people don't like pig, that's fine. Some people don't like dog, you know? But like I think it's something that like you could hold, you could cuddle, you could be like, look at this sweet thing, or you could be like, go get my TV remote, and and it will. And it would do it. Yeah, dude. Did you ever see the gold?
SPEAKER_05La la la.
SPEAKER_00Uh they took jellyfish DNA and they put it in a pig, Jordan. Holy hell. And it glows in the dark.
SPEAKER_05Holy hell.
SPEAKER_00Did you know that?
SPEAKER_03I won't glow in the dark.
SPEAKER_05They're already fucking with pig.
SPEAKER_03I won't clone the Oh, and then the other part about that, that's is this is what uh the point I was making, is that then it's not okay to eat that animal in America anymore because it's pet. Exactly. That's agree.
SPEAKER_00That's that's forward thinking.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I don't understand it because I'm like, you know, I'm not saying like just I'll eat any dog, but like the the kind of emotional divide that people have to say, like, I'll eat a cow, but I won't eat a dog, or I won't eat a horse, is very strange to me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, for sure. And if they yeah, because I mean babe, it did nothing. People want to bacon more after they saw Babe Pig in the city. Yeah. Um, so yeah. And they wanted shark less after seeing Jaws? Crazy. Crazy. Okay. Alright, what do you got? Next I have um Panera Bread. Okay, so they uh Okay, so it's Panera Bread 2, and it only sells food that's meant to kill you. So they capitalize on the electric lemonade trend. Exactly. Okay, so do you remember where we were with like weed, let's say 15 years ago. People were like, terrible, it's evil, it's destroying our generations, whatever, and then now it's legal. Right. Okay. Amphetamines. They're next, buddy. Let's just face it. We're gonna fall down the rabbit hole to China. They're gonna be like, we gotta keep these fat Americans going somehow. They're gonna flood us with amphetamines. This Panera Bread 2 is gonna sell amphetamine lemonade. Okay. Um, so it'll have things like that, and it'll be like marketed as food that is like really extreme, um, meant to be put on social media, challenges. They'll have food that's meant to challenge kids. Right. So it's like, you know, uh try the bread bowl that is full of mace. Right. They just take the broccoli out of the cheddar soup. It's just cheddar soup. Yes, yes, crazy. Uh they put spoons of cinnamon in your mouth. Oh, yeah. And they make you run around. There's no tables. It's like uh Mad Max. Uh it's like uh the Thunderdome. I love okay. Yeah, so it's like that. And it's it's meant to be in areas in Middle America where people are a little bit more into that kind of stuff, where they can take in vitamins and challenge each other.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, so maybe like you get your number for the food, but then somebody else also gets the same number, and then you have to like battle them in in gladiatorial combat for your dinner.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and you have to work there. That's the thing. It's like you get conscripted. So you grow up in fucking Rua Kentucky, they draw your number, and you're like crying, you're like, oh Mom, I gotta work at Panera bread too, and she knows what that means, right? So that means like you're going into gladiatorial combat or whatever, and that's how they get the super soldiers.
SPEAKER_03I mean, the other alternative to that for not working at Panera is just poverty, though, because there's no other opportunities. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. It's it's an honor.
SPEAKER_00If you survive. If you survive. That's all I have to say about that. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Alright. Um, I've got a pretty simple one. So this one is going to be a bit more in a serious direction, and it's kind of in opposition to what you're saying. Um, I was thinking about, you know, the current state of America and where we're at, and I was like, you know, it'd be great if like somehow a new Renaissance happened. Oh. And then I thought about the Renaissance and I thought about like Michelangelo and like all the art and shit, and I was like, gay.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, they were kind of fucking famously fucking gay, dude. Yeah, but not just like I I love gay. I'm just saying No, but they were like not fun gay. They were like, uh, seriously, you're gonna do this thing. You know, they were like obsessing over the male figure.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00They were like arguing with each other, like how big a dick should be.
SPEAKER_03Yes, exactly. And I'm like sick of that alpha male mentality shit. And then I thought, well, like, what really is the era that I'm trying to bring back? And I thought the uh age of enlightenment and the age of reason, where it was less so uh like a cultural renaissance and it was more so a focus on technology and um, you know, uh really focusing on like um humanity and humanitarianism and social programs and um that kind of thing. And really like you know, instead of where we are now, where we are beaten down in pursuit of like the intellectual, it is like a a a celebration of intellect.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so you're saying like you want to have like a new age of discovery, yes, right? You know what's funny though, is like it I find this idea super interesting because you know, a lot of these uh uh astronomers and uh navigational experts were also driven by like occult things. You know? Oh yeah. So like for example, like alchemy, you know, like people were just boiling piss in the 1500s, just thinking that they were gonna get like gold out of it, and like in the process, like they would be able to like isolate different elements and they'd be like, oh shit, I actually accidentally I discovered phosphate because the town wizard boiled a bunch of his piss. So do you think it would be something like that? Like someone would like drink too much Mountain Dew and start glowing.
SPEAKER_03I think that there is an element of what we saw in those ages that was driven by like rich men who had nothing better to do, but who spent a lot of their time like reading books and like looking into the world for answers. And so when you talk about like that drinking too much Mountain Dew, is like I think that's kind of correct in a sense, but I do think like that's where we're at. Is like you can just watch a YouTube channel of like a kid who's like, I'm gonna drink a can of Mountain Dew mixed with beans, Dr. Dew, he's on Instagram, it's a great follow. Check him out. Uh, he'll chug uh cottage cheese in Mountain Dew in a boot, and it's it's really good to watch. He's also got a great uh new album coming out, so check him out on Spotify too, Doctor Dew. But what I'm really looking for here is because the other thing that defined this uh age of enlightenment was a rejection of the Christian church. And I think that's maybe where we get a lot of these like labels of occult or like heretic in the kind of pursuits that they were doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They they were brought to this because they were just rejecting the common ideals of you know the Catholic Church or Christianity in general. And you know, great things were like discovered in that time, great progress was made. And I think the we talked about it a little bit before, but like these men who had too much money and were like taking these chances. If you've like read Frankenstein and all this stuff, it's just these like people with more money than God at the time. But the idea was that they were interested in the great discovery, they were not interested in the profit to be made from it. Obviously, like the profit will come, and it often did come, but we had men like uh, you know, Benjamin Franklin who invented the uh the lightning rod. Yeah, and then just the Hatachi vibrator. Yes. Um, but and then made those free and available to everybody.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. And he was like, what if we put a hole in it and put like some you know that Ben Franklin had a fucking wild setup for his own pleasure.
SPEAKER_03Oh, Christian Grey, the prequel to Christian Grey.
SPEAKER_00Dude, that should be the next fucking Fifty Shades of Grey, the Franklin experience. Absolutely, dude. He's just absolutely flogging Betsy Ross. Um yeah, I I uh I I think one your idea is really good, dude. I I would go for it. I just we just need to like we need like a plague that actually does kill off most people. Yeah, dude, they gotta dude, what's its name? Uh the rat one fell off. Yeah. Bullshit. COVID, amateur numbers. Went totally viral, but like fatality percent 0.032%. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Still, that's millions and millions and millions of people, and it shouldn't be taken completely lightly in the impact that it had, but like it didn't kill enough people that all of a sudden all these fucking idiots were like, oh, maybe we should talk about like immunology on a real level. And then also it didn't change anybody. In fact, it made it worse. Yeah, it did make us all worse. Uh now it put us in this room together. We've got an outbreak of malaria once again.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, outbreak of this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, no, but I dude, yes, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Um, we need like a true Great Depression to like push us back towards like understanding that social programs are necessary and actually like benefit society. Um, something like that. Okay.
SPEAKER_00Some great disaster that will then lead into kind of like a like a New Deal era. Yeah. That's like meant for everyone with like new buildings. That's great. I like that. Um so I guess what I'm actually pitching is maybe like a tubonic plague. Tubonic plague. Yeah. Okay. That's good. That's a good name. Tube plague. Alright, what do you got? Okay, my next is I'm gonna go off the dome here because I left my phone over there, but I know the general idea. Do you remember how every fast casual chain restaurant had a signature dessert? Yeah. So, for example, Applebee's had the brownie.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Um, Outback had the chocolate thunder from down under. Chili's had something called the chocolate molten cake. You've got your bazooka. Exactly, right? So this is kind of like an MCU type thing where RFK Jr. This isn't like a sequel as much as it is like a um RFK Jr. like bringing together all of it. Avengers assemble, yes, yes, yes. Assembling all these classic desserts to give everyone so much diabetes that the next generation is immune to diabetes. Ooh, okay. So it's kind of along with your theme, you know what I mean? Yes. Because I think it would work. Uh, but it would be uh, you know, it would be like Yeah, the next generation's like sugar tolerance. It's just like super high. It's not super high. And you'd be like, oh god, I want to get all the molten cake together.
SPEAKER_03We actually function on almost an entirely sucrose diet. We're like mosquito or like we're like butterflies or cockroaches or any kind of bug.
SPEAKER_00We just need glucose. Like we're like, what the sugar in the water. Your skin's hanging off your bones, eggert. Your skin's hanging off your bones.
SPEAKER_03More sugar. Great Vincent D'Anofrio performance.
SPEAKER_00Oh, it's probably his best.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh but yeah, I just I feel like we're missing that from the cultural dialogue is uh these these classic desserts that have gone by the wayside. Maybe like it's like the expendables. You know. I see, I see.
SPEAKER_03So it's not just the diabetes immunity that we're looking for, but also a return to the nostalgia of the like celebrity uh menu item.
SPEAKER_00Not like celebrity base, but like No, no, the menu, yeah, the menu item that like everyone had, because then I was like, okay, well, so then I went down and I just looked at every restaurant like that, and I saw like which ones didn't have a signature dessert, and it's like TGI Fridays. Fuck them, they fell off. Yeah, it has fallen off, TGI. You know what I mean? Because they didn't have that, okay. Let's go to TJI Fridays and get the the Ruby Tuesday cake or something like that.
SPEAKER_03Honestly, try to think of one like signature TGI Fridays menu item. And in my mind, it's like the Jack Daniels bourbon whiskey barbecue quesadilla.
SPEAKER_00But that could be at Buffalo Bob Wings, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it could be anywhere.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so I think like that not having that kind of brand. And also, like when you go into TGI Fridays, where are you? You know? Because like Applebee's is like you're it's your hometown. That's the theme. It's it's almost like Bedford Falls, it's a wonderful life vibe. Yeah. But like for the town, like a small town vibe. Outback is obviously Australia, it's so easy. Um, chilies is like you're in a chili cook-off in like it's like Tech's Mex kind of, but it's enough because it's like tortilla chips, but they can get away with just a bunch of fried food. But like TJI Fridays. It's just shit on the walls. There's shit on the walls. That's their whole brand, is shit on the walls. Yeah, but but but Jordan, counterpoint, cracker barrel has that.
SPEAKER_03But cracker barrel is like is like your old country store.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, oh, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get that vibe that's like the fucking their vibe. That's what they say about it.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and it's not and when you think about Cracker Barrel, you think about specific menu items like biscuits and gravy or chicken fried steak or any of these things, and you can say, like, I know what's on the menu out of cracker barrel. When I think about TGI Fridays, it's just a bunch of like words slammed together that equate to the uh the amalgamation of food at the end.
SPEAKER_00I love I just want us to go and do like a Siskel and Ebert type thing for for TGI Fridays. Yeah. Uh because like you have to think, like, and I do imagine that like Cracker Barrel had like some kind of eccentric, kind of like gay director guy that was like, I I I know what I'm seeing here. I'm in the old country store. You know what I mean? And I and I I know exactly what black and white photo is gonna go over the jug. Yeah, who's that little gay actor who died? Oh, the one that was on uh was it Will and Grace or something? Yeah, he was on every show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was oh, I forgot his name.
SPEAKER_03But he just talked like this, and that's how he was all the time, and I feel like that's how this director would talk. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00Honey, you need the waitresses to weigh at least 75 more pounds if you wanted to be authentic. Yeah, he's like, honey, you you can't have your waitresses making your daughter and your wife feeling bad. You gotta make them feel good or else they ain't gonna come in, babe. You don't want them busty unless they large and busty. Yeah, save that for a Hooters. They don't want to stare at something that they can never be. They want to stare at something they know they can be better than.
SPEAKER_04I love that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, just like a little gay Don Draper. And how why are we talking about this again? Uh because we're talking about the desserts.
SPEAKER_03The signature desserts, yeah. And I feel like a lot of them have fallen to the wayside. When we think about an outback, we can still say the bloomin' onion. Yeah. And that's a signature item.
SPEAKER_00I think about the chili down under, but there's a signature item. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. When we talk about chilies, we know it's like the, you know, the triple dipper or the you know, baby back ribs, if you're right. Um, but none of them really, in my mind, have that signature dessert anymore. The bazookie is the most iconic one I can think of.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. That's that's all you have. Um no, I just thought of like a weird concept where like if you could just go back or create a machine that could insert memories of a signature item into everyone's brain, you'd be a million a billionaire. I love that. You just have to go back in time or, you know, whatever, subliminally put a new signature TJ Fridays item that everyone remembers. Um, but yeah, dude, that's that's my idea. That's the Avengers Assemble. Um, I did RFK Jr. in there because I think it's funny to do his voice.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um Love's common denominator shit. That's your that's your bad. That's my wheelhouse, dude. That's where I survive. That's when I when I get in that little pig sty, this piggy loves to roll around. Word association. Uh fucking uh thing, thing, idea.
SPEAKER_03The same three current uh current event references.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, that's me.
SPEAKER_03Yes, yes, that's me. Um, okay. Um, I will say uh my next one is going to be um Christian Jesus based holidays. Because it's like, okay, we look at the timeline of the year and we look at like things that Jesus did in his life and we celebrate them, right? He was born, Christmas. Great. Let's go. The goat. Two rings. We then like go through 30 years. Three MVPs. Yeah, 30 years of his life until like the passion. And we have like his death, his resurrection. There's a whole book of Mormon in between.
SPEAKER_00There's a whole book of Mormon in between.
SPEAKER_03Birth or death, uh, resurrection, and then ascension, and we like celebrate that in like you know, Mardi Gras, Christmas, Good Friday, or Easter, all that shit. And it's like Jesus gotta do something else now that we can make a holiday out of.
SPEAKER_00Like him coming back? Yay, come back, Jesus. That would be the apocalypse, though.
SPEAKER_03Well, fine, cool. Bring it, bring it, and then a hundred years from now we can turn it into some sweet ass holiday. Or even if he just like comes back and does like a kick flip over the Grand Canyon or something, dude.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Okay, or we can use like one of his uh like lesser known stories, or not as popular stories, or whatever, that and make it a holiday.
SPEAKER_04Right.
SPEAKER_00So, like, for example, like the flipping the tape, like going to the temple and flipping the table over. Yeah, that's very real housewives behavior.
SPEAKER_03Or when he like cursed the fig tree.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, one of those.
SPEAKER_03Or when he sent the bear upon those children. Um because it's like I think the Catholic Church was doing it right when they were like, okay, Jesus is gone. Let's make all these like new mini Jesuses the saints.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you guys can't get over this god shit. Let's just lean into it.
SPEAKER_03So, like, every day is a Saints Day. Yeah. And it's like, okay, cool. Every day is a holiday now for some reason or for somebody. It's like, that's cool. That's what we need. But nobody gives a shit about the saints anymore.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. I feel like it in that time, you know, if they had a saint that was kind of like shitty, you'd see like an Instagram post in like the 1100s, and it's like, did you know that today is like Saint Sebastian's Day, actually, and he's the patron saint of you know, whatever, like Bakers, and you're not even celebrating.
SPEAKER_03I think Catholicism needs because it's like Catholicism is trying to be cool with the cool Pope and all that stuff. Yeah. And it's like, no, they just need to get back to like guilt, where they're like, have you did you celebrate your saint's birthday today?
SPEAKER_00They definitely, they definitely want to go back. I I feel like they're itching to go back. Yeah. You know.
SPEAKER_02Did you do your catechism?
SPEAKER_00I did, yeah, dude. I did. I did. I did it. I'll do it again.
SPEAKER_02Did you know that in 1963, six million babies were baptized? You know how many baptized by the Catholic Church in 2026? 13.
SPEAKER_00So a new way of making you feel guilty they should come up with?
SPEAKER_03No, maybe it's just like a new saint, because like we almost got Mother Teresa or whatever.
SPEAKER_00They're trying to make a new saint. Yeah. This, like, there's an there's a gamer saint. Did you hear about this? Gamer saint. No, Miss Jordan, I'm not even kidding. This feels like the boys, where it's like, they're trying to make a new saint. They developed the serum. Jordan, I'm not even kidding. They're trying to make a gamer saint. Like an e-saint? They're trying to make an e-saint. Dude, did you not know about this? I am not up on the case. Okay, I guess like my mom, my mom is super Catholic, so she definitely like kept me in the loop about this one. But apparently, like a 13-year-old who was like really good at posting uh got cancer and passed away. And apparently, yeah, yeah. And apparently, like his body is not, he's going through all the you know the rigmarole. And they're like, he's not decomposing. That's pretty saintly.
SPEAKER_03And he's also like doing it's just because his body's filled with so much like prime.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. Red Mountain Mountain Dew Cold Red. Yeah. And well, apparently he's doing online miracles because that's the thing. He's still running raids in World of Warcraft.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_04He's still getting battle royales in Fortnite.
SPEAKER_00Wait, but like that actually might be it. I'm not even kidding. Like that might I I think it's, but it's more probably like, you know, like this GoFundMe needed I'm not sure like what the actual miracles are, but it's like this GoFundMe needed like its last twenty dollars, and like an anonymous donor from a Bitcoin wallet that cannot be traced did like the last twenty dollars, and they'll like attribute it to you know this saint. And apparently, yeah, they were gonna make him the saint of gamers.
SPEAKER_04And is the is his name his gamertag? So it's like Saint Barn Ripper 69.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah. But anyway, yeah, he was supposed to get canonized, and then he got cancelled. No, they went through his Twitter.
SPEAKER_04And you would and they found out that they that he said that it isn't a trinity, there's just one true God. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00He like Yeah, yeah, he was denied, yeah, he denied transubstantiation. No, no, he just said some terrible stuff about MLK. Um, because he's French and they can say that kind of stuff. But anyway, he was gonna get canonized and then the Pope died, and it canceled it. So they had to move it back, and now the new Pope is like trying to push it through. But yeah, dude, you gotta pray. We gotta get I'll get you the whole side.
SPEAKER_03Oh, we gotta get this little gamer.
SPEAKER_00We gotta get his bathwater. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04It's holy water. Holy bath water.
SPEAKER_00Alright, so my idea has to do with the French pronunciation of croissant. So it's like French people have a word that they can be mad about when we say like croissant or whatever. I want a croissant. Uh so we make a new American word that we can get angry about when Europeans say it. Uh what that word is is uh yet to be decided, but I think it would be something like um it's probably hard for a French person to say the word McDonald's or something.
SPEAKER_01McDonnell.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So like maybe we use that as uh something that we can get mad about at French people for the same way that they get mad about it for croissant.
SPEAKER_03I like that. So like an American pretension. Yes. Yes. Um this is kind of I I posted about this this weekend because I was watching the Knicks game and some guy at the bar was like, ah, you hear they're gonna bring I'm doing Wisconsin accent for some reason. Who gives a shit? But he's like, ah, did you hear they're gonna bring Giannis down over here? And I was like, Oh, and you were like I was like, I've lived in fucking New York for 14 years and heard people say the word gyro. Gyro. Can I get a gyro? Go get a gyro. Oh, I love a gyro with some lemon potatoes, a gyro. And I'm like, I can I could bear that. I'm disgusting. Yeah. But to hear them say Gianus, it's like, fucking learn something. So I guess I am that French pretension.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you are kind of you're a little French coated.
SPEAKER_03But that word maybe, because I've experienced uh a bit of hatred is bagel. Okay. Because I say bagel.
SPEAKER_00And that's not right. That's not right. Bagel. You say bagel. I just say bagel. I've never heard you say that.
SPEAKER_03Well, I don't say it a lot because I m get chastised for it so much. But I say bag.
SPEAKER_00I can say bags. Oh, oh, you make it like a joke thing because you're like, oh, I don't want to say it.
SPEAKER_03No, I just I say bag. Like when I'm talking about a bag, like go grab your bag. I don't say bag. Go grab your bag. That feels there's so much extra effort to to make that sharp A sound. Uh yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and it's also like not how it's pronounced. And so then I say I just naturally said bagel and it's bagel. Well, who taught you that? Is that a Wisconsin thing? Is what a Wisconsin thing? Saying bagel. No, that's an I uh to me that's a normal thing. Because the word is bag, and then you add an E L on the end, bagel.
SPEAKER_00Okay, but if that is your issue, then there's a lot of other words in the English language that are really gonna piss you off.
SPEAKER_03Like what?
SPEAKER_00Like all of them. Like they're all very weird.
SPEAKER_03I'm not saying I get pissed off because it's bagel. I don't care how people say bagel. Uh-huh. I'm just saying that people get pissed off when I say bagel. Are you doing it to like make them mad?
SPEAKER_00Or okay, that's just what how you think it should be pronounced.
SPEAKER_03I don't think it should be pronounced anyway. That's just how I say it because I say bag and I don't say bag. It's like I say pillow, I don't say pillow. Okay. I say, you know, people pronounce things different ways. I don't say milk, I say milk.
SPEAKER_00But you should pronounce I say aunt, I don't say ant. But you have to pronounce it in ways that people can understand. Because aunt ant makes sense. But like the way that you're doing it is like you are purposefully making it sound weird. Because if I said bagel, do you you wouldn't know what that was? I would know what it was, but I was like, why are you talking like Fran Dresher? I think saying bagel sounds like Fran Dresher. No, like go get a bagel. No, you sound wrong. Go get a bagel. Oh Mr. Sheffield! Mr. Sheffield.
SPEAKER_03I watched a really great movie um starring the goat Josh Gadd, and it's called Mardi Gras Spring Break. And I think like the Louisiana Tourism Board like funded this movie. Oh, hell yeah. Because it's like four years after Katrina, and it like opens with the friends like watching this, like uh after the events of Katrina, New Orleans has done a lot to revitalize its, you know.
SPEAKER_00And they go, hey, have you guys thought about going to New Orleans?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and then it's like it's there's a beta beer sponsorship all over the thing. Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh man, that's coded. That would happen in New New York.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, it'd be like everybody's drinking Brooklyn Brewery or like six point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do, but I do love that. Okay, so they they see this ad and it's like, oh, I'm gonna go to New Orleans, and then one guy's like, I don't know. I heard it's haunted. And didn't they have that whole Katrina thing? And then one guy says, What are you afraid of boobs? Yeah, basically. That's exactly what happens.
SPEAKER_03And and then so they go, and you know, Josh Gad's like the nasty like Gunnar type in the in the group. So Gunnar's nasty now. And he meets Regina King, and he like, you know, they like have a contentious relationship, and then it turns out that like she's a native there, and then finally he's like desponded when all his friends leave him to like fuck one guy goes to fuck Carmen Electra and another guy goes to like you know hang out with this new girl he met.
SPEAKER_00And she's like, Why don't we go to a bar? Uh actually, my great grandfather invented Sazerac. Bas basically. Are you serious?
SPEAKER_03Well, am I just like it's one of the worst movies ever. But she's like, she's like, Oh yeah, my my dad owns this hotel. Why don't we go down to why don't we get off Bourbon Street and go down to like this place? And she walks and there's like a free line happening and like a marching band and like all these like black families dancing. He's like, What's going on? Where are all the boobs? And she goes, Mardi Gras just isn't about boobs, man. It's about family and tradition.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Um the guy fucks Carmen Electra.
SPEAKER_00Um, there's a great part where And also, you know that Carmen Electra, they were like, Who's an actress we can get that like is still high, but like kind of like a little bit in our budget?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and doesn't has maybe shown her breasts in every movie ever, and wouldn't mind if the implication in the movie is that she's had sex with a teenager. Yeah, yeah. There's a part where the guy thinks that he had sex with Carmen Electra, and then a gay man comes into the hotel room, and he's like, Oh no, I had sex with a gay man. And then he justifies it by telling himself that his penis is gay, but he's not gay. And then at the at the final Mardi Gras parade, he um he he goes on the float after Carmina Lecture is like, get down here, you silly guy. He goes on the float and he goes, I thought my penis was gay. And she's like, That's not what your penis said last night. And he's like, Did we have sex? And she goes, Of course we had sex. And he goes, I thought, and then she goes, No, I just sent him in there to give you, bring you breakfast because I had an event in the morning.
SPEAKER_04And he goes, I'm not gay, and then everybody in the crowd cheers and starts going, not gay, not gay, not gay.
SPEAKER_05And then it just plays um that Salisbury Hill song, like dun dun dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, he's not gay. Thought he's gay, but now he's not.
SPEAKER_03There's a there's a snooty southern uh man running the hotel that refuses to give them a room, and Mr. Fine it's on the it's on the counter.
unknownOh, on the Uh here?
SPEAKER_02Over the behind you.
unknownOh yeah.
SPEAKER_03And Mr. Fine is the snooty southern lawyer. And I was like, I have not seen this man in anything since the nanny. He's looking good though. Good, good, yeah. Yeah, it was great to see him working again. Good. Well, that's a good one. But anyway, yeah, we do need a word.
SPEAKER_00Like NASCAR. Yeah. A real American word. Well, it has to be like used, and I think a food item is food item is good. So it'd be like um well, it would be pizza, hamburger, whatever, sausage. Um maybe it would be like something like Cheeto.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Cheeto. Cheeto. Cheeto. That's how we say it.
SPEAKER_03That's how we say it. I'm watching 90 Day Fiance with uh Anna. Bunch of real freaks on there this season, but it feels like they really went for like highly charismatic um future immigrants and really freakish Americans. Oh yeah. Um, because sometimes you're like, oh, this is just a couple of freaks, or like this is clearly like a scammer. Um, this season it's like the craziest guy is like a highly misogynistic Egyptian man, but he's still like a you know, like OnlyFans model television Instagram star in Egypt, you know? Yeah, yeah. But he he is like it's kind of just says like horrible things to this moment. Wow. Um, but there's a part where there's a like very rich uh older lady, and I think she's from some other like Bravo show or something, and so it's like a crossover. And her new boyfriend just kind of has like a very simple like South American accent. You know, he like kind of has like a little little bit of a lisp and stuff. Yeah. And he said one word, and it was just like kind of strange the way he said it. And she goes, What? And he repeats it and she goes, Oh, you mean chair? He was like, Can you push out my chair? And she's like, Cher? And he was like, My chair.
SPEAKER_00And she's like, Oh, chair? You mean chair? Oh, so it seemed like they had like practiced this moment or like rehearsed it. No, it's just like it feels like what we're talking about right now.
SPEAKER_03Oh, where it's like we we dig into little detail to be really racist or like really, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yes, but I think the thing specifically about croissant that's so annoying is that you need to make a specific French sound that we don't use. So like you're asking Americans that don't make those sounds to go. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean this I'm I'm being too I'm being too like realistic here. I'm not digging into the comedy premise that you're setting up. I'm just actually defending where it's like they learned English to speak with you. Yeah, well, whatever. That's not the point. It's like people who are like, I can't roll my R's. It's like you can, you're just lazy. You can try.
SPEAKER_00You can try to try.
SPEAKER_04It's just that's easy.
SPEAKER_00I learned that. I I developed that when I first started eating pussy.
SPEAKER_03Oh, yeah, they love that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they do love that. Bitches? Yeah, yeah. Bitches love it. Bitches love that shit. Um yes, so this is about I'm just gonna create a bridge here so that we can go back to it. But I'm bringing this up because of French. So French people make fun of French Canadians all the time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And we and someone posted about why it sounds weird. Right? And apparently, it's like the grammar that they use uh is kind of like classical French or something. So it's like a bit older. Right. And they're like, when I go to Montreal, it's the equivalent because they like I'm an English speaker, I'm also a French speaker, and I'm a French speaker that knows you know French from France. When I go to Montreal, it sounds like everyone is talking like a pirate. Yeah. Like that's the equivalent of it. You know, it's like they're saying like ye old, you know, that kind of stuff. So I found that interesting.
SPEAKER_03It's like when you listen to like old when people are like, this is how Shakespearean actors actually talked.
SPEAKER_01And it's like, yeah, matey. Get on the boat to be or not to be. Yes, yes. Dart Ace Dequattion.
SPEAKER_00There was one about like pilgrims, and they were like, oh, the pilgrim sounded like uh fucking sounded like bono. It was like Irish. Oh my god. That was good. That was good. These sequels are good. What else we got?
SPEAKER_03So finally, I think just in kind of in line with what you're saying, is like buckle hats and shoes is like I think it's less of a a sequel that I want to see from this, more as like a soft reboot.
SPEAKER_04Like you look at those old pilgrim pictures, yes, and it's like, what the hell? You need a buckle on your hat for.
SPEAKER_00Wait, can I hit you with another sequel off the dome? Yeah. Okay, Hasidic Jews, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Amazing outfits. Great, great fashion. Okay, right? Radical Protestants. Why aren't they dressed like pilgrims? That's true. Why don't they make their own like little communities and they wear like the fucking buckle hats? Tradwife pilgrim. I mean, that was Quakers and Shakers, you know. Yeah, it's kind of like the Anne Lee aesthetic, but we like bring it back. Yeah. Oh my god, dude, this is gonna make money. This is actually gonna work. Yeah. So it's like trad wife, you know, um, that kind of like white smock dress. The guys are all dressed with the buckles in their hat, buckles in their belt, buckles on their shoes. Yes. Buckles for days, buckles for days, buckling everything.
SPEAKER_04Buckle up, it's the law. It's God's law.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, you know what's funny? It's like if if you went back there, you get time machine, and you're like, and you want to ask, um, you know, who's like a famous pilgrim? Uh Thomas Hutches or something. And you're like, what's that buckling your hat for? And he's like, check this the fuck out. And he pulls out a bud light, fucking pops it right on the top, and he passes it to you, and you're in the back of the church, so nobody sees it. And he's like, try some of that. You drink it, you're like, he's like, that's cool. And he's like, it's not a sin if nobody finds out. Fuck. Yeah. And then he goes back and he's like, uh, everyone get back in your lines and everyone do your prayers, and then he like gives you a little wink.
SPEAKER_03That was actually just off the dumb. That was like a pretty good like pilgrim voice, I think.
SPEAKER_00Because it was you were it like felt like new world but old world at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's the one he puts on. But when you're like chill, when he's chilling. It's kind of different. Yeah, he like loses the accent.
SPEAKER_03He like, she's like, Hey, when you want to get back, just like take Ron Kanka mode.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, dude. Just uh take the Plymouth uh down to uh New Gloucester, uh get yourself on a clipper ship, uh head up to Port of Boston. Uh from around there, you're gonna hit like Cambridge Middlesex County, but you're not gonna want to hit that till like daybreak. Uh, there's a lot of oxen in that area too. So if you're like looking for like a quick bite, um you're gonna want to watch out for the fucking natives, though, you know what I mean? Like they get a little angry.
SPEAKER_03Um, but they're chill, they're chill. Well, I think this is great. This, you know, ending on religion, I think, is a great way for us to foray into this kind of new life of uh sequelism or uh, you know, the the church of sequels. I truly will now look at the world in a different way. When I look at a coat rack as I walk into a home, I'll think like, how could this be a sequel?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you know. Yeah, and when I'm like getting on the train, I'll be like, maybe there should be two.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Maybe it should be longer.
SPEAKER_03Or maybe we should like figure out a high-speed rail system that you know functions throughout our country instead of the crumbling infrastructure of travel we have currently going on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, maybe like the whole government should think in terms of sequels.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Instead of like fucking just doing the same shit over again.
SPEAKER_03Maybe we need a French Revolution 2.0.
SPEAKER_00You never know. Bastille. Bastille. Maybe they had some buckles in their hats.
SPEAKER_03Well, thank you so much for joining us for our sequel Blitz. Um, I hope you had a great time. I hope we've enlightened you to the idea of sequeling your entire life, Jude. How do you feel?
SPEAKER_00I feel pretty good. I actually feel a little bit enlightened. That actually that last part felt like we could start a religion. Yeah. But it would definitely need to have buckles in the hat.
SPEAKER_03Tons of buckles. Uh, as always, you can reach us at all social media at squeakpod. You can reach us at our email at squeakpodcast at gmail.com. Leave us a five star review. Send us your ideas for movie sequels or for a sequel you see around your house. Um. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye. Okay, we did it.
SPEAKER_00Dude, it was something.