24. Inner Child Healing for Adults: Breaking Patterns and Rebuilding Emotional Safety with Drew Cost

What does it really look like when someone chooses to break generational cycles and do the inner work?

In this powerful conversation, Leanna sits down with faith-driven coach, consultant, and father Drew Cost to talk about healing, vulnerability, and what it means to reclaim your identity after years of emotional shutdown. Drew shares his personal journey growing up believing that men shouldn’t express emotion, how that belief shaped his relationships, and the transformative work he’s done to reconnect with his inner self.

Together, they explore the deep impact of childhood experiences, the courage it takes to confront family wounds, and how nervous system work can help us reconnect with the younger parts of ourselves that still need care and safety.

This conversation is honest, emotional, and incredibly hopeful—reminding us that healing doesn’t mean erasing the past, but learning how to show up for ourselves in a new way.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

• Why emotional vulnerability can feel especially difficult for men
• How childhood experiences shape our nervous system and relationships
• The power of reconnecting with your younger self during healing work
• What it means to stop condemning yourself and start offering compassion
• How small steps—like journaling or creating safe moments—can begin the healing process
• Why breaking generational patterns starts with doing your own inner work
  
  

Whether you’re beginning your healing journey or deep in the process, this episode will remind you that you’re not alone and that it’s never too late to reconnect with the parts of yourself that need care.

🎧 Connect with Drew Cost
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drewcostofficial

Skool Community: https://www.skool.com/the-word-wellness-community-6348/about

If today’s episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need this conversation. Healing work isn’t meant to be done alone.

Join the NeuroHeir Membership today

Connect with me:
Instagram → @aligningwithleanna

Website → leannahunt.com

Disclaimer:
Although I am a licensed Associate Clinical Mental Health Counselor, The NeuroHeir℠ Podcast is not a substitute for therapy, counseling, or medical treatment. The tools and practices I share are for educational and coaching purposes only. Every nervous system is unique, and what we discuss on this podcast should not replace your own individual therapeutic work or professional support.

The focus of this podcast is my coaching work, which centers on education, nervous system practices, and generational healing tools designed to support—not replace—your personal journey with a qualified provider.

If you are struggling with your mental health or experiencing overwhelming emotions, please seek support from a licensed professional in your area. You don’t have to do this work alone.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome to the NeuroAir Podcast, the show for cycle breakers, parents, young adults, and helping professionals ready to understand their nervous system through a generational lens, heal what isn't theirs to carry, and consciously choose what comes next. Hi, I'm your host, Leanna Hunt, an associate clinical mental health counselor and certified performance coach. Each week you'll get stories, science, and somatic practices plus my signature form and framework. Notice, name, nurture, and navigate to help you honor resilience, break silence, and build deeper connection with yourself and those you love, all while shaping a legacy of safety, freedom, and possibility. Welcome back to the NeuroAir Podcast. You guys, I am so excited today to welcome Drew to the show. So, Drew, welcome.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

SPEAKER_04 0:55

I want to tell you guys a little bit about Drew Cost. He is a faith-driven coach, consultant, and father that is passionate about helping people reclaim their identity, discipline, and purpose. Through fitness, honest conversations, and practical coaching, he helps leaders, entrepreneurs, and everyday people break out of burnout and reconnect their faith with how they live, lead, and take care of their bodies. Drew has spent years coaching behind the scenes with leaders and creators while building conversations around identity, movement, and spiritual growth. And I think that we're gonna have a lot in common and things to talk about today. And if you're ready for your own experience after you hear Drew, you want to get to know more about him, all his links will be in the show notes. And feel free to reach out. So, Drew, I'm so excited to have you here today.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

I'm honored to be here. I'm honored to be here as I I love listening to your show.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

Well, let's start with that. So Drew sent me a message. I checked the date. It was on January 22nd, really early in the morning. And he had just shared some emotional thoughts about listening to an episode. And I just I don't know if I told you this, but the timing was so important to me because that next day was the one-year anniversary of my dad's passing.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Oh no, I didn't know.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

And and so just my whole journey this last year, starting the podcast, starting my book, doing this nervous system work was really like not getting to heal things with my dad before he passed away. And here you are, a man, first like real conversation with someone I don't know, you know, that's a male, like that reaches out in such a vulnerable way to reach out to a woman about listening to her podcast and sharing your emotions with me that you didn't even know me. And to me, it just felt like such profound timing. So, first of all, I just want to say thank you for being vulnerable.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

Pleasure.

SPEAKER_04 2:56

And that does require that lets me know that you're in a point where you're in your own life where you're doing so much work to be able to show up like that and share just your own experience with someone again that you didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Oh, my my pleasure. One thing I had I've always said is being a podcaster alone is hard. So getting some feedback on it is always good, but the moment had hit me so hard, and I was like, I don't I just found out who you were that morning by looking up nervous system work on on Apple Podcasts, and when I heard the episode and I finished it, I was like, I have to let her know somehow. I was like, she's probably never gonna see it, but at least let her know that this has impacted me greatly. The way you broke down nervous system work without making anybody feel guilty for what was happening was profound.

SPEAKER_04 3:55

Well, I just want to thank you again. Like, I feel like my goal and my job and my work, and we'll get into this in a little bit, is that even though I couldn't repair things with my dad the way I wanted to and he was still alive, I feel like that's the whole my mission now is that this work can move forward regardless of who has passed and who's still living, and that all of us can make the decision that we that cycles and patterns end with us.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Something that resonates with me. No, no, something that resonates with me is similar where my dad is still living, but he's so shut off from he doesn't do any inner work, and he's so shut off from emotions, from feelings, and I've reached out to him multiple times. So almost coming to a place where like I may never get that emotional connection since I may not ever get it. I want to spread it to people I work with or just friends, like hey, it's worth doing because it's gonna impact you in just so many ways. But your dad passed and my dad is still living, but he won't go there, so it's almost similar. We're like, I have to totally have to be okay with that.

SPEAKER_04 5:15

Yeah, oh man, chills right now. Like, and you guys, we don't know this about each other until we're talking about this. So I feel like I don't know how you feel about that. You're a man of faith too, but I feel like my dad's journey is not did not end after he left this life. And for me, I've just felt more connected to him and realizing like, okay, there's opportunities, whatever our beliefs are that I can have faith and hope that the work that I'm doing can still extend beyond just this earthly life, too.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

I'm certain it does. I've always looked at inner work as your real work. I mean, it's the real you, but I've always I also looked at it as it's gonna impact generations, it's gonna impact just people in multiple ways. I this is something that I wish I knew 15 years ago that it would be that it would probably it would have helped me out with so many relationships, conversations, and all of that, but I've always felt that this work is a bigger type of work than just the external stuff.

SPEAKER_04 6:21

For sure. So kind of going into that, you just shared briefly about your relationship with your dad. I want you to just tell everybody that's listening who is Drew Cost? Tell us your story. Yes. In whatever time you want to take. I want to learn more about you.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Yeah, so Drew Cost, I'm I'm a man. I am a man of faith. I am a husband and a father of two. But more importantly, I'm an individual that's driven by helping people find healing. I've always had this place in my heart where if people felt whole and they were whole, they would do marvelous things in the world, but they would be better for themselves. So I've taken on, I probably say my life's passion has always been how can I help somebody become whole? Whether that's helping them understanding how to treat their body, spiritual development, and even some type of physical development. But at the core of it, I'm an introvert. I love I'm a heavy introvert. I could be in a corner reading all day. But more importantly, I just I want to see humans not suffer because of themselves. Like we're gonna have sufferings because we live in the world, but I want to help them end the suffering that they give to themselves.

SPEAKER_04 7:41

That's so powerful. So, kind of like in that what about your own life has kind of led you to now that you want to do this work with other people? And are you working with men and women or just men?

SPEAKER_00 7:52

So I'll do the second question first. I've worked more with women, I'm open to men. I found that men are a little bit harder to start the journey. True. That could be a whole different podcast.

SPEAKER_03 8:05

Yeah, we're gonna have a part two.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

I find it they have been harder to start, but once they see what it does, they actually follow through more. But my journey with all of it is I grew up hearing, you know, men don't cry, men don't open up, and those type of things. And I grew up shutting myself down as a young kid. Like, my father's not coming to get me, my father's not gonna be here. And I remember no one explaining those things to me. And I remember one day clearly, I have a picture on my desk when I realized at this age, I told myself, I'm never opening my heart up to anybody, and I'm never letting anybody in. And that led to a lot of years of isolation, a lot of years of not exploring my emotions, any emotion I had besides anger, I didn't know what it was. And when I started to, you know, ask God why in a deeper way and started therapy and just started understanding what needed to happen with inner work, I first felt condemned. I was like, you're this age now, and you've done a lot of years of you know training and stuff like that, but you never worked on your inside this way. And I was condemned because I probably ruined a lot of relationships based on not opening up, not having any inner work. But once I started, I just told myself, no matter what layer has to come off of me, I'm gonna fight hard not to condemn myself. Like I'm gonna fight hard to be compassionate with myself, which is not something I ever heard a man say before. And I'm gonna try to lead, like lead myself in the way that I want I wanted my father to lead me, which was with uh being firm but gentle, being led by wisdom. And I just told myself, I'm gonna just keep this journey going and I'm gonna share it with people who I work with. I will not work with anybody who I feel I have to hide who I am. I just tell them, no, there's a billion coaches in the world that are probably 10 times better than me. But I can tell you this one thing, like we will find out what's stopping you, and we'll work together on getting a solution. I won't just leave you in the cold. And I won't lie to you. I won't tell you that, hey, some of this inner work has to happen. You have to do it, nobody else is gonna be able to do it for you. So, long answer, I saw out in the beginning when I was training to work with men. And the opposite opposite happened where all my content at that time was strictly for men, and it just kept gravitating and pulling towards women, and I had to tell myself after a long fight, like coach them. And my my fear was I can't coach them because I'm gonna mess them up because I don't have any emotions. That's what I thought. Right, and here we are.

SPEAKER_04 11:05

And here you are doing beautiful work. And thank you. I think like just even in hearing you talk, like if we look at the nervous system, I just wondering if you've been able to sit and look at your life a little bit again through the lens of being curious instead of judgmental, where you can see that not being able to feel emotion or having to hold it in, like that that was your brain and body trying to protect you.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

I learned that through I can't remember what episode it was that you did. I think it might have been whatever one I commented on, it was one after that. And for the longest, I didn't know that I was keeping myself safe.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:51

I was just thinking that you just turned into the stone cold kid, but I didn't know I was keeping myself safe from rejection or whatever it could have been, but I didn't think about it in that way to start being curious about it. I just knew that I didn't want to keep condemning myself because you know it wasn't gonna get me anywhere.

SPEAKER_04 12:14

Yeah, so that's a really good point. So if you like, I'm sure you see this in your work with women too. Like, what would what do you say to somebody that's just in that constant state of self-judgment? Constant state of being critical with ourselves, right? Like, how do you approach that to them? Because you're like, this is still very real for me.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

The main thing I've told women is, and it sounds comical, but it has worked, is I would ask them what's their middle name. And I ask, pretend your middle name is a different person. Like, how would you treat her if she came to you and she was saying these things? And 99% of them are like, I would love her, I would guide her, I would pour into her, I would let her know that like she's valuable, she's loved, it's not about looks, it's not about the weight. She can get through this, she can process this. And then I just asked them the question so how can we start taking care of her together? And it's as if like somebody gave them permission to take care of themselves. I believe strongly women are the hardest working people in the world. I believe women, I've always believed that women almost fight stuff that no one sees. They can be cooking, cleaning, singing, talking on the phone, and be like in the middle of like a mental meltdown and keep moving. But I usually tell them to start with that. And something that helped me is I developed this framework called identity alignment capacity. And for identity is who do you really want to be? And how can we start to not just say that, but how can we start to realize who do you want to be versus who you are now? And how do we close that gap? But I listen a lot to them and I just start to see like where they're at, and mainly we just bring up that middle name approach and then start from there.

SPEAKER_04 14:04

I love that. I love the middle name approach. I've actually never thought about it that way, but I think it kind of goes in like with the work I do because when we're experiencing and showing up, like that woman that's in the kitchen cooking and having her own breakdown, and I was smiling and kind of laughing because I'm like, oh, that is so much of my life. I have four kids I've raised, like all of that. It's like it is still a part of us that showing up that didn't get our needs met at some point along along our lifetime. And I'm wondering how that like well, I see you like nodding. I'm just wondering, you know, because how does that kind of hit when I say it like that?

SPEAKER_00 14:41

So this is fresh. I remember when I was in a therapy session, and my therapist she asked me this question and it broke me down. I mean, the rest of the session was me just legit bawling, and I'm apologizing to her, and she's like, no, this is good. And I'm she said, What if you let yourself off the hook for not getting your needs met because you weren't in control of that? And like at first, like it didn't make sense, but then it did. But something that happened legit two weeks ago, I scheduled a call with my family, and my mom. Like extended, oh okay, yeah. Yeah, extended family. My mom, my sisters, cousins, and this whole call was I needed to let them know how I felt. And at first, I was gonna go into the call and just let them have it. Like I was gonna go and be real raw until I realized that's not gonna, that's not gonna get anything.

SPEAKER_04 15:38

Is that gonna land very well?

SPEAKER_00 15:40

Yeah, it's not gonna, it's not so I took some moments and I I wrote down everything I felt, and I had a lot of events attached to those feelings. So I went into the call and I was like, hey, I felt unsupported for years. And here's what I felt. I told him up front, I'm just saying what I felt or what I feel. I'm not blaming you guys or saying you're bad people, I'm just saying what I feel and felt.

SPEAKER_04 16:10

Which I think is a really powerful way to for any of us to start a conversation with someone like family to just say, like, this is my reality, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:17

This is my now. Part of me did not want to say that though. So absolutely, yeah. Part of me, part of me wanted to come out and just totally so I was like, stick to this script in this notebook and say what you felt. I felt unsupported, I felt that you guys like left me, like abandoned me. I felt rejected by this, I felt this, and I got through the list and I I said, What would you guys like to say? And the conversation went south. They legit could not hear it. And they even like, you think you're all that, and such and such. No, if anybody deeply knows me, they know I'll help anybody with anything, any day.

SPEAKER_04 17:02

Well, it's it's your life's work, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:04

It's my so I was like, I think I'm all that like ow. And they just began to say what they felt, their experience, and the conversation just got so ugly where I started crying, but it wasn't like a cry of like compassion, it was like a cry of anger. And I was sitting there and I was like, just breathe, true, breathe. Sit in this chair, put your feet on the ground, just lean back and just and I was I was like, every technique you know, use it now, except going to the wall and doing legs up the wall, because you can't do that on a zoom call.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

I love that you're just sorry. I love that you just said legs up the wall. I use that with my clients all the time. You're like, okay, I can do all these things in my chair, but I can't go do legs.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

But I was like, the wall is right here. I would feel so much better going to that wall. So I started crying. And I think it hit them that he's not just crying. That that's something different because he's not he's not spazzing back out. Like he's not reacting, but it went south, and I got off the call before the call ended, and I was like, hey, this call, I didn't have an expectation of this call. I just wanted to let you know how I felt because I've carried this for years, and it's time for me to be more gentle with my heart, and it's time for me to continue to be the best man I can be for me and my immediate family. Uh, so I was like, I don't want my wife or my daughters having bits and pieces of me where I know I'm holding back because of some of this hurt. Right. And I was like, however you guys take that from here will be your decision. Just let you know, like I'm telling you how I felt. And I have it recorded on Zoom in case you ever come to the point where you want to actually see again what happened, guys. But this was not what I was expecting at all. I got off the call and I legit just cried. And for once, like I've cried tons of times, but this cry, I was like, you made a step that was safe for you now. Like this was the first time you felt you could stand up for yourself and for the little boy Drew. Because you stood up to your mom, you stood up to the people who were older than you, and things like that. But it happened, it happened two weeks ago, and it hurt for a couple days where I was like, I don't know what the resolve is gonna be, but I know I can't hold on to that. Um and I felt better. I still don't know what the resolve is, right? But I was like, I can only work on me.

SPEAKER_04 19:54

You can, and thank you for being so willing to share that openly with people that you don't know. Like I can just tell in your tone of voice and the way that you're sharing it that you like you did it because you care. You did it because you care about your family, and that is really, really important.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

I didn't think what going into the call, I didn't think I still cared about them that much because of the amount of hurt. So, like my family moved to Georgia, which was 18 hours away from where I was from.

SPEAKER_04 20:33

Where are you from? Oh, Connecticut.

SPEAKER_00 20:34

Connecticut, yep. And just leading up to that and leading up to me getting married, there were so many balls dropped and so many events that wasn't supported, I feel. And like I told them, I was like, you guys have never in your life asked about how I was as a person. Ever. I was like, I served the church every single Sunday for 20 plus years. I served you guys, I've helped, I've done so much. And I was like, nobody ever asked how I was. Ever. And so I thought before I got on the call that I didn't care about them anymore. Because I was like, it's not like I had a major support system that I was leaning on. I didn't. So I was going into the call just thinking, hey, say this as nice as you can, be honest, be gentle but firm. And this is gonna help you and your walk with yourself, your immediate family, and the people you serve. I I can't tell them, go have the hard conversations, and I don't. So after when that happened, I was like, you know what? I should take a day off from this inner work and just be a straight savage. And I was like, just sit here and cry.

SPEAKER_04 21:49

Mm-hmm. And how for you? It's the how and the why. Like, what has crying done for you? Like, just let's just go with this experience of allowing it, like you just said, maybe I need to take a day off. And cry. Like, what are you seeing that feeling emotion and expressing emotion is doing for you? And then we'll tie that into some nervous system stuff.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Yeah, it just feels like it's release. I've never had a problem crying. I didn't understand for a long time what it was doing.

unknown 22:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

But like I never had a problem really crying. I would cry all the time. But these type of cries lately were more so it was as if I was crying for like little Drew. And it was as if like I was giving him the permission to say, like, hey, like you're good now. I don't know how weird that sounds, but like we got you. Like you're safe now. And I'm here. Like I'm here. Same thing like when I was when I messaged you about when I stopped the car and I noticed it was like grieving happening. I the old me would have just kept driving, but I was like, go park the car in that parking lot and allow yourself to let the processing finish that didn't get a chance to happen when you actually felt whatever happened.

SPEAKER_04 23:05

That's so powerful. Like that's kind of how, like, if we look at a trauma cycle or a stress cycle, like our body is supposed to, like, when we experience something that we can't process and we can't integrate because maybe someone wasn't there for us, or we felt really alone, or young Drew didn't feel like he had support. Our body is supposed to go through a cycle of being able to express emotion. And for so many of us, it wasn't safe to feel to we were told to be quiet. We were told that we couldn't have emotion, we were told to shut it down. We were told, well, you as a man, you were told it's not okay to be vulnerable this way. Right. And then maybe like if you look at your family history and where they've come from and the sacrifices of your ancestors to get you to this point of being a man living in the United States, raising a family, right? In this 2026, there were so many sacrifices that our family systems had to make to get us to this point. So sometimes it's like those emotions weren't okay because survival depended on somebody bypassing sadness. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 24:15

I heard that in your last, I think one of your last episodes, and I was like, I never put those two together.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

Yeah. So now young Drew is still there. And you guys, I'm doing this with him because he already said it was okay if we tie in some inner work. Yeah. But when I said, like when you were on that call with your family and cared, you realized too, if it wasn't necessarily about ex caring about extended family, you were caring about young Drew. True.

SPEAKER_02 24:41

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 24:42

True. How does he feel inside you right now, if that's okay?

SPEAKER_00 24:47

For the first time, he feels like somebody's coming to get him. Like somebody's coming to like say, hey, like we see you, kid. Like, you're not alone. Like I remember to the I don't even know how I remember it so well, but it never erased where like it was a day my dad was supposed to come get me. And he had a history of saying he's gonna come get me and not coming. But I just like how do you trust him?

SPEAKER_04 25:13

How do you trust him?

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Yeah, but as a kid, I'm just like you get excited all over again. And of course, I'm in the yard waiting on my bike, and he doesn't come, he doesn't say anything. I remember walking in the house saying nobody cares about me. And literally going into a different room, closing the door, and that's when I was like, I'm not, I'm not opening my heart, I don't trust anybody. And that day, young Drew literally felt like nobody was coming to to see about him. So now doing this work and learning more about nervous system work, trauma, all of that stuff, it's as if like somebody opens the door and says, Hey, I'm here to get you. So it feels safe, it feels a little weird, but it feels like man, somebody's coming to get my boy.

SPEAKER_03 26:06

Drew, that is like exactly the work. It's like opening the door, and you get to do that for yourself now. You get to be who you needed then, you get to do that now for him.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

I used to say this before nobody came for me. And going through these, and I can never articulate it. Hearing someone articulate it, it's as if this work affects me, it's gonna help me, but it also just gives me so much hope that I never want to do that to my daughter. And she's around the same age where I started having those exact experiences, but to finally like in life feel like I always wanted a big brother, a dad, a supportive uncle, and I never had that. So to be like this man, Drew, is coming in to help little Drew or young Drew, it honestly makes me realize that nothing else in life is harder. Because if he can go back and help young Drew, which was like 6'7, and I'm 40 now, it's like there's nothing else I can't overcome. Like there's not like I've been through a lot, but it's like to have to have that tie-in now, and to have that type of ability now to connect, it's priceless.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

But it it took work, it does, and it might continue, you know, it continues like we're on this journey to keep going. I have clients all the time, whether it's in therapy or coaching, they're like, So when's the day that this just like this work like ends and it just stops because I'm like once like the gym, once you know, once you realize that you can help little Drew, it doesn't stop. The work doesn't stop because there are so many times he needs you still.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

That was the part that I was in the therapy session. That was the part where I realized a change how you see change your perspective on this. If you always think that it's work true, you'll turn it into metrics and you'll turn it into performance. Like, how fast can I heal him or how fast can I help him? Versus both of you guys are going on a lifelong journey.

SPEAKER_04 28:44

For sure.

SPEAKER_00 28:45

So take your time, you'll face bumps in the road, you'll face roads that are smooth, but you guys are now on the journey together, and that is helping me to this day realize hey, it's like the gym, I'm gonna be going forever because the day you stop, atrophy sets in. And the older we get, it's not. The older we get, it's not, it's I don't want to go.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

Yeah, but it's harder to get back, so that's why we don't stop the older we It's like just keep it going because if you stop, it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

So looking at it more so as uh, this is a lifelong journey, and you get to just go on the journey daily, don't turn it into a scoreboard or anything like that, because then then you'll stop.

SPEAKER_04 29:37

Well, and it can create some pressure, and sometimes that pressure turns into shame. And you know, when we feel that shame, it's like shame's that shut down. It's like I don't I don't feel like I'm worth doing the work. So for a minute, I'm wondering if we can just if you'd be okay with this of just like checking in with young Drew for a minute. How does he feel within you just for right now? Just the first thing that comes to mind.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

He feels open.

SPEAKER_04 30:06

Open.

SPEAKER_00 30:07

He doesn't feel like he has to be guarded. It's kind of as if he feels like his hands, his arms can be open versus I used to always sit with my arms crossed like this for for years, and now he's open.

SPEAKER_04 30:22

Where do you feel that openness in your body, Drew?

SPEAKER_00 30:25

Uh in my chest.

SPEAKER_04 30:27

In your chest. I'm wondering if you could just put a hand there for a minute. Yeah, eyes closed is fine if that's what feels best to you, and just want to take a minute and wondering what you would want him to know right now if he's open.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

I want him to know that it's not that people didn't love you. Uh they didn't know how to show the tangible love you needed. They didn't know how to emotionally connect, but it wasn't because they didn't love you, and it does not mean you're not valuable and that you are important.

SPEAKER_04 31:03

And I want you to let him know if that's okay that you're here for him now, whenever he needs you. How would that be?

SPEAKER_00 31:09

And I'm here for you, Drew.

SPEAKER_04 31:12

How does that feel in your body?

SPEAKER_00 31:14

It feels warm. Feels like a like a bear hug.

SPEAKER_04 31:20

Yeah, just feel that bear hug for a minute. And I'm wondering, you can just let him know. You can say this just in your mind or out loud, it's up to you. Just let him know that anytime he needs you, you're you're here for him now.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

True. Anytime you need me, I'm gonna be here for you.

SPEAKER_04 31:36

And we'll just see if he receives that.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

A picture of my when my daughter gets scared, she always runs back to me and she opens her arms really big and she just runs and she just grabs onto me, and she just always says, Daddy's here, I'm safe now. And that's what that feels like.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

And anytime, Drew, when you feel those emotions, that anger, that sadness, that no one was there for me, and if it still comes up again, you just want to invite you to take a few minutes to connect with young Drew and give him that hug, let him know that he's loved, and that if he wasn't loved, then he can be loved now by you.

SPEAKER_00 32:20

I never knew that you could do that.

SPEAKER_04 32:24

How's that feel to think that that could be possible?

SPEAKER_00 32:27

It feels rewarding. It feels lighter. But like I said in the beginning, like I felt like my whole life's work is not letting people suffer alone if they don't have to. While I felt young Drew was suffering alone all this time.

SPEAKER_04 32:46

Yeah, and we all have those parts of us that we haven't faced yet, and that's the point of like this nervous system work. So, what would you say to somebody, Drew, that's listening that is suffering in silence? Maybe they haven't faced their own inner parts, you know, their own young Drew yet.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

I would say two things. First, I would say go to a comfortable place. It may not be your house, it may be your car or some place where you feel completely comfortable and ask yourself, like, what would it feel like if I could feel love and see what comes up? I would also attach that to I journal a lot, um journal what you're feeling, and then journal what you would like to happen. The second thing I would say, and this may sound comical, but I'm real serious, to listen to Liana's podcast. And the reason why I say that is it's short enough where you can get the answers without getting overwhelmed. And it's not filled with fluff and stuff that's so far over your head that you get lost. But it's information coming from this is my first time meeting Leanna, but it's coming from somebody who's also endured lots of stuff and is pouring out her heart while still mending her heart in many ways. So learning from somebody who's I don't like to say done the work, somebody who's still doing the work will help you realize I'm not alone, I don't have to do this with shame, I don't have to condemn myself. And if you just listen to one a week, you're good. Like you're gonna have some consistent support until you want to go deeper with some more type of work. But those are two free things that you can do.

SPEAKER_04 34:49

I love that you said that about journaling and going to a comfortable place because we will not be able to work with like young Drew unless our body feels like it's safe enough to do so. And so the reality that we know for so many people is that you don't feel safe in your life, whether it's in your home, whether it's at your job, whether it's with your spouse, unfortunately, or your partner, or your roommates, or with your parents, and it will be very, very difficult to do this work and to start to connect with your inner self if your body doesn't feel safe. So I'm hoping, like tying into that, does that sound true, Drew? That like find a place that feels safe to start.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

I used to go to this park and I didn't notice it until until last year. I used to go to this park all the time, and I would sit there for just like an hour, and I would just write or think. I didn't tie it into this was the park that I started playing football at like 12.

SPEAKER_02 35:51

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

So and I never tied those two things together because it wasn't a beautiful park, it wasn't anything special at all. It was a park I played football in, but now I remember like that's where young Drew started to find out that he is a warrior, he can be gentle and firm. And I learned that through other coaches, but I would just go and sit on the bench. I would literally every week I would carve out time to be like, I gotta go to that park and sit there. And I never knew why until last year that that was a place that my nervous system felt comfortable being in. And there was parks that were closer to me. This was a 35-minute drive, but I would drive it and be so much better. But I never tied it together until like last year.

SPEAKER_04 36:37

Yeah, because what we feel is safe is different than someone telling us we're safe, right? So someone might be like, Drew, go to the park five minutes from your house. But for you, 12-year-old Drew felt safe at that park because he got poured into, he got attention, he got validation, he felt seen and loved for who he was, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_00 36:59

Yep. I never tied it together. I mean, to just now, too, that it was coaches that it was male coaches who were pushing us, but giving us a hug, giving us a high five, and I would go to that park all the time.

SPEAKER_04 37:16

And they were there for you there, true?

SPEAKER_02 37:18

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 37:20

Yeah, that's powerful. That's powerful. So, as you kind of talked about men coaches, let's kind of like, what's your message to men that are trying to explore like what healing would look like for them in whatever capacity that are so afraid to be vulnerable? Because let's be honest, over time, our society has not done a really good job of creating space for men to be vulnerable of all races, backgrounds, wealth status. It doesn't matter, just for all men that are listening and trying to explore, like, where do I even start to heal? What would you say to a man as a man?

SPEAKER_00 37:55

I would say the first thing I would do is picture yourself going to a gym and your goal is just to learn how to lift weights 10 minutes a day, three times a week. And I would say when you go, you know for a fact you're not gonna achieve like the maximum result, but you keep going. But most people don't feel comfortable going to a gym, but that's where the results are at. So I would say for a man who's considering or thinking about it, realize not that you're just worth it, but you deserve it. Like you deserve to have a better quality of life and unhealed trauma and emotions, it steals that from you. Where you don't realize you could be, and I've faced this myself, you could literally be next to the love of your life thinking that they're your enemy because you're not healed. So the better quality of life with your family, with yourself. But I would say the first thing to do, I would always say, I never tell men the first thing they should do is therapy. They should, but that's like jumping over the Grand Canyon for most men. I would say for sure, I would say put a timer on every day if you can, and take one minute and just journal in your iPhone.

SPEAKER_04 39:18

Such a great simple 60-second journal practice on your phone. We know you're looking at it.

SPEAKER_03 39:24

You're looking at we know your screen time usage.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

That's just you, you if I say take it. I of course I would want you if you could. I believe writing things out is really, really powerful. Oh, dry.

SPEAKER_03 39:38

But we gotta start. We gotta start with what you got. And we all know you got an iPhone.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

If we start with anything that could be a barrier, you won't do it. 60 seconds, 60 seconds, right? Whatever you feel, and it doesn't have to make sense because you don't have to show anybody. And that 60 seconds usually will end up turning to five minutes. It would end up turning to, hey, let me actually get a journal and hide it at first. But we're cool, we're cool with that.

SPEAKER_03 40:04

We're cool with that. You can hide cool with that.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

Hide your emotions or highlight it. You can hide it, but I I would say let's just most men are encouraged by consistency. So if they look back and they see the journal prompts, they've had 10 of them in a row, they feel like something's working, and it just takes work to open your heart, but you're allowing yourself to do that. So for men, take the small step 60 seconds a day. If you want to call it a 30-day challenge, cool, but you have a minute a day. Do it in your car when you get off work or before you go into work.

SPEAKER_04 40:36

So smart, Drew. Oh my gosh, you and I have so many of the same beliefs. Like even when we break down the gym, when we first go, we're not we can't commit to an hour a day, seven days a week. The brain, your nervous system isn't gonna let you do it.

SPEAKER_02 40:47

No.

SPEAKER_04 40:48

So, Drew, I love that you said just 60 seconds and any practice we do, we can start with 60 seconds, guys.

SPEAKER_02 40:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:55

Whether it's breathing, whether it's legs up the wall pose, whether it's journaling, whether it's just starting to get outside and walk around the block or just to the driveway and the mailbox. Start small because small creates sustainable change. Andrew, I totally believe that's like what you've done in your life.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I always say small steps to safety.

SPEAKER_04 41:18

Totally. Yeah, because your nervous system, just the last thing. Remember, guys, if something doesn't feel safe, the nervous system will shut it down. It's gonna shut it down, it's gonna lock it up, and it's gonna say, screw that, but that does not feel safe to create change. So smaller is safety.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

I like that. I like that.

SPEAKER_04 41:39

Well, thank you so much, Drew. Thank you for your honesty, your openness, your vulnerability for the work you're doing out in the world, for just again reaching out to me, sharing that beautiful message. It came so timely again.

SPEAKER_00 41:50

Wow, man, that's just so powerful.

SPEAKER_04 41:52

And I am just cheering you on. And again, if anybody wants to connect with Drew, we'll have all his info in the show notes for you guys to follow him on Instagram. He shares great stuff in his stories and posts and in school. So we'll have all of that listed for you guys to connect with him. Drew, anything in closing you just want to sum up for everybody?

SPEAKER_00 42:11

I just tell everybody go heal. You deserve it, and keep listening to Liana's podcast. I kid you not. If you need something in the world that's gonna give you good information, it'll be that weekly podcast.

SPEAKER_04 42:26

Thank you. Thank you so much. Well, until next time, we hope you guys make it a beautiful week. Take time to find safe places, safe moments where you can connect with yourself. And just like Drew talked about working with young Drew, I think Drew, would you say that's kind of the goal? We hope for all of you that you can find, you can find that young part within you. You can start to notice them, you can name what you've been experiencing, you can nurture that young part of yourself, and you can navigate next steps just like we are both doing. So until next time. Bye guys.

SPEAKER_00 43:02

Bye guys.

SPEAKER_04 43:04

Thanks for joining me on the NeuroAir podcast. This work is about honoring resilience in yourself and also those who came before you, all while finding freedom from what was never yours to carry. With the help of stories, science, somatic tools, and the four ends, notice, name, nurture, and navigate, you have a path to a deeper connection with yourself, your loved ones, and the legacy you want to pass on. If today's episode spoke to you, share it with someone who is ready to step into this work too and follow the show so you never miss an episode. Remember, you may not have chosen what you inherited, but you can choose what comes next.