31. Self-Compassion and the Nervous System: How to Heal Emotional Triggers at the Root

In this episode, we’re going deeper into something that often gets overlooked in healing work: what happens after awareness.

Because noticing your patterns… naming your triggers… even understanding where they came from — that’s only part of the process.

The real shift happens in how you relate to yourself in those moments.

Leanna explores how unresolved stress cycles and younger “parts” of you can stay stuck in the body showing up as anxiety, tension, or familiar emotional reactions and what those parts are actually needing from you now.

This conversation walks you through:

• Why some emotional responses feel bigger than the present moment
• How “smaller” experiences can still overwhelm the nervous system
• What it really means to offer safety, care, and connection to yourself
• Why feeling better can sometimes feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar
• The missing link between awareness and true healing

You’ll also be introduced to the three core elements of self-compassion, based on the work of Kristin Neff:

• Self-kindness vs. self-judgment
• Common humanity vs. isolation
• Mindfulness vs. over-identification

And how these connect directly to the Neuro Air framework:
 Notice. Name. Nurture. Navigate.

This episode includes a gentle, practical self-compassion exercise you can use in real time when you feel activated — helping you stay grounded, connected, and supported instead of overwhelmed.

Because healing isn’t just about understanding your story.
 It’s about learning how to stay with yourself differently inside of it.

If you’ve ever wondered:

• “Why does this still affect me?”
• “Why do I feel this way when nothing big happened?”
• “Why is it so hard to be kind to myself?”

This episode is for you.

Join the NeuroHeir Membership today

Connect with me:
Instagram → @aligningwithleanna

Website → leannahunt.com

Disclaimer:
Although I am a licensed Associate Clinical Mental Health Counselor, The NeuroHeir℠ Podcast is not a substitute for therapy, counseling, or medical treatment. The tools and practices I share are for educational and coaching purposes only. Every nervous system is unique, and what we discuss on this podcast should not replace your own individual therapeutic work or professional support.

The focus of this podcast is my coaching work, which centers on education, nervous system practices, and generational healing tools designed to support—not replace—your personal journey with a qualified provider.

If you are struggling with your mental health or experiencing overwhelming emotions, please seek support from a licensed professional in your area. You don’t have to do this work alone.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Welcome to the Nerve Air Podcast, the show for cycle breakers, parents, young adults, and helping professionals ready to understand their nervous system through a generational lens, heal what isn't theirs to carry, and consciously choose what comes next. Hi, I'm your host Leanna Hunts, an associate clinical mental health counselor and certified performance coach. Each week you'll get stories, science, and somatic practices plus my signature for and framework. Notice, name, nurture, and navigate to help you honor resilience, break silence, and build deeper connection with yourself and those you love, all while shaping a legacy of safety, freedom, and possibility. Welcome back to the NeuroAir Podcast. There's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, especially in the work I do with my clients. We've talked about parts of us before on the podcast. How so much of what we feel in the present isn't just about what's happening right now. It's often just a part of us that learns something in a moment when a stress cycle didn't get to complete, a moment where something felt overwhelming, maybe confusing, or just too much for your nervous system. And that part of us kind of get stuck there. So when something similar happens now, that part shows up again. And what I found both in my life and in working with clients is that in those moments, these parts of us are usually needing a few very specific things now that they didn't get then. These parts need to feel like they are not alone. These parts now need to feel safe, accepted, and cared for. They also need to feel like they can be loved unconditionally as they were in the moment. And these parts need to know that something else might be possible, like maybe even an entirely different outcome, that there could have been another option. And this is where parts work becomes really powerful because while we can't go back and change what happened, we can begin to offer those parts of us what they didn't have at the time. A lot of times when I'm working with someone, we'll follow a sensation in the body, like maybe that tightness in the chest. And we'll start there. And then I'll have them stay with it and gently trace it back. And almost always it leads to a much younger version of them. And what's really interesting is that so many of those moments aren't what we would think of as quote unquote a big T trauma. Consciously, they actually seem small and maybe even easy to overlook when you think about your lifetime. But to that version of them, it was overwhelming. And now one of the most powerful things we can offer those parts of ourselves is self-compassion. But there's another layer to this that I don't hear talked about as much. When we start working with these parts and we begin to offer something different, something shifts. Maybe the tightness in your chest softens. Maybe the intensity after you've worked with this part isn't as strong. Maybe there's a moment of space as my clients often describe it. And sometimes they're just like, I don't even know. It just feels like space. And when they say that, I'm like, okay, you are experiencing that, that the part has actually created actual space for you to be able to sit with yourself in a different way. And instead of that feeling like relief, sometimes it actually feels strange to have this space because it's unfamiliar. And maybe just maybe it's even a little bit uncomfortable. Because if your system has been used to holding tension or bracing or anxiety or carrying a burden, something for a long time, not feeling it in the same way anymore can almost feel disorienting. And I see this with clients all the time. We'll work with a sensation, we'll follow it back, we'll offer compassion to that younger part, and something genuinely shifts. And then there's this moment of, wait, it's not the same way anymore. And sometimes instead of just settling into that, there can be this subtle unease. Like, why does this feel so weird? Or what do I do now with this space? And sometimes even continuing to offer ourselves compassion can feel foreign because maybe for you, you never learned how to offer yourself self-compassion. Maybe it wasn't something that you saw growing up. And if self-compassion wasn't something that you received consistently, your system doesn't automatically recognize it as something that feels good or safe. So even though compassion is what that part needed, it's also something your system may not be used to receiving. And this is where this type of work can become really important because what's often missing isn't awareness, it's the ability to stay with yourself in a new way. When something begins to shift, it's how you relate to yourself inside that moment of change. And this is where deepening our own self-compassion can actually support our nervous system while we are inside those moments we were just talking about. Because when something begins to shift and it feels unfamiliar and you're not quite sure what to do with it, that's the moment your system is looking for something to anchor to. And this is where the work of Kristen Neff becomes really helpful and really important. She's done extensive research on self-compassion. And one of the things she explains is that having compassion for yourself is not that different from having compassion for somebody else. If you think about a time when a close friend was struggling and you went to help them, there are a few things that naturally happen. First, you notice that they're hurting. You don't ignore them. You see them. And second, you recognize that what they're going through is a part of being human, that they're having a very human experience. And that suffering and that imperfection, those are all part of that shared human experience. And third, you usually respond to a friend with warmth, with understanding, and with kindness. And Dr. Neff describes these as the three core elements of compassion. The first is self-kindness, the second is common humanity, and the third is mindfulness. And when you hear those, you might start to notice something because this isn't actually separate from the work you've been doing. This is what it looks like to stay with yourself differently in those moments where something shifts. Self-compassion, as she explains, involves doing a kind of U-turn and offering that same compassion to yourself when you're struggling or feeling inadequate. And if you think about this through the lens of the parts that we were just talking about, this is really about how you respond to those parts of you when they show up. So instead of ignoring your pain or getting carried away by negative thoughts or emotions, you actually pause and acknowledge this is really difficult right now. And you might begin to ask, how can I care for myself in this moment? And instead of judging yourself for your shortcomings, you start to respond to yourself with understanding. And again, not because nothing needs to be fixed or changed, but because change happens differently when it comes with your own care. And this is important too, because even when you want to grow, even when you want to do something differently, that growth isn't coming from a place of I'm broken. It's coming from I care about myself enough to respond differently here. And she also emphasizes something that connects so deeply to this work, that self-compassion means honoring your humanness, that things aren't always going to go the way that we want them to. We're going to make mistakes. We are all going to encounter limitations. And that's all part of being human. And when all of us can bring that back to the parts of us that we are still carrying, especially carrying things from our past, this perspective matters too. Because those parts, those past parts, they weren't too much. They weren't wrong. They were responding the best way that they knew how in that moment. So today I want to walk through these three elements and show you what they actually look like in real life. Sound good? I also want to walk through how they can connect to the neuroair framework. The first element is the difference between self-kindness and self-judgment. In her work, Dr. Neff describes self-compassion as being kind and understanding towards ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate rather than ignoring our pain or criticizing others. She also explains that instead of being harsh or cold internally, we can be warm and supportive. We can be like a good friend, a coach, or a mentor would be. And we can do that for ourselves. And that this kind of inner support actually helps us feel safe and puts us in a better position to cope with challenges and make mistakes. Now let's bring this into your experience because this is where so many people can get stuck. You can notice what's happening. You can start to name the pattern and you're understanding maybe even the why behind it. But the moment something shows up, the response internally might still be, what is wrong with me? Or I should be past this. Why do I keep doing this? All of these are self-judgment. And if we bring this back to our parts, this is the moment where a part of you shows up needing support. And instead, it gets met with criticism, with our criticism towards ourself. And from a nervous assistant perspective, this is important because self-judgment is not going to help us create change. It might actually create increased threat. When your internal voice is harsh, your system doesn't feel supported. It feels like it's being attacked. And when the response shifts to something like, oh, this makes sense, or of course this is here, or this is a lot right now, your system begins to soften. And that's what actually allows change to happen. I actually had a moment like this recently in my own work. I was being led in a session, working with a part of myself that I've been aware of for a long time. And through combining somatic work with parts work, I was able to see that there was a much younger version of me. She was about five years old. And there was this deep sense in her that something was her fault. And when I really, really sat with that in my session, I could see how that belief had shown up so many different times across my life. This wasn't tied to one specific memory as it often isn't, but more like a thread that has been there for a really long time. And what was really interesting is that the way I had experienced that part wasn't just mentally. I felt her in my body. I've had this anxious, shaky sensation in my lower gut for as long as I can remember. But as I stayed with my five-year-old self in this session and offered her compassion, something started to shift. And that sensation that I've carried for so long was just gone. I couldn't believe it. And instead of that feeling like pure relief, there was also this moment of wait, what do I do now? I felt this anxious running theme, like almost like an electrical pulse through my lower abdomen again from ever since I was a little girl. And it almost felt a little scary to not have it there because my system has been so used to holding that. And in that moment, what mattered was continuing to offer that same compassion and staying with my younger self in a different way. And that's really what this work is. Self-compassion is not just something nice to think about. It's not just something we say to ourselves once and move on. It's actually how we begin to relate to those parts of us that have been carrying something for a really long time. This is what we call nurture in the neuroair framework, not having to change or fix, but meeting yourself with support. And it's also important to say that self-compassion is not letting yourself off the hook. It's not avoiding growth. It's actually choosing to grow from care instead of shame. And something really cool when I work with clients, again, we start often start with that sensation. We'll follow it back. They'll connect into a younger time, which again, that would be the part. They'll start to see that by just noticing the part, by being curious, by being open and loving, oftentimes that sensation will start to shift on their own. So I want you to think about that. What if that sensation, like mine that was in my lower gut, you've had for a long time? Like again, the tightness in your chest, or maybe that pit in your stomach. Um, sometimes it can even feel like a migraine or a headache that you have had. What if it is just a younger version of you that is trying to get your attention? I'll often explain this to my clients. I want you to think about sometimes our sensations as like little kids trying to get your attention. So if you are a parent or an aunt, or um you are a teacher or you are around young kids, even your pets, if you don't have kids, I want you to think about somebody younger than you trying to get your attention. They're usually not going to stop by avoidance. Usually for kids, and I've raised four kids, they just would get louder until I would offer them some of my attention. And what's so funny is I think about that now as a mom is I would often be able to finally say, I would get off the phone and be like, okay, you have my attention. And then that's all they wanted. And then they would say they forgot and they would run off. I want you to think about that. Sometimes even our own sensations are just younger parts of us that didn't get what we needed then. And our care now and our self-compassion to them now and our noticing is even sometimes enough for those parts to shift. Pretty fascinating. Okay. Element two from Dr. Neff's research is common humanity versus isolation. In her work, she explains that when we struggle or make mistakes, there's often this sense of isolation as if we are the only one in the whole world experiencing this. Can you relate to that? I sure can. But Dr. Neff also emphasizes that suffering is part of being human, that all humans are vulnerable, imperfect, and limited in different ways. And that when we recognize this, our suffering connects us rather than separates us. Now, again, when we bring this back to the parts that we've been talking about, this can become really important too. Because when a part of you shows up carrying something, especially something that feels old or familiar, there might be this sense of, I'm the only one who feels this way. Something must be wrong with me. And that part can feel very alone in it. And oftentimes these parts get stuck because in the moment when this thing happened when you were younger, even if your mom and parents were incredible parents, they could not be with you every single second. And so sometimes as kids, we took a moment that we felt completely alone. And what we need to do now is be with that part of us now. Does that make sense? So, what self-compassion begins to do is it can gently widen the lens. It helps that part of you begin to also feel this wasn't just me, or this is something humans experience, or maybe I wasn't completely alone in it. And if we take that one step further, this also just isn't about you as an individual. This is also about relationship, your relationship with yourself, your relationship with the parts of you that are showing up, also your relationship with others, and even your relationship with the generations that came before you and the ones that will come after you too. So, because for many of you, it's not just I'm the only one, it's why am I like this? Or where did this come from? And this is where the generational lens comes in, because sometimes what you're experiencing didn't start with you. The anxiety, the shutdown, the hypervigilance, these patterns often exist within a larger story, within families, within relationships, within environments where certain ways of being were necessary. So common humanity becomes more than other people feel this too. It actually can become this makes sense in the context of what I've lived and what may have been lived before me. And when you can begin to see it this way, something can begin to shift because now you're not just holding your experience alone. You're recognizing that you are a part of something larger, that the way your system learned to respond was shaped in relationship. And now your healing also happens in relationship, in how you relate to yourself and how you relate to others and in what you choose to carry forward. And when you bring that perspective back to the part of you that's showing up, you're not just reducing isolation, you're also offering context. You're helping that part feel seen, not just in the moment, but in the larger story it belongs to. From a nervous system perspective, isolation can increase the sense of threat. When your system feels alone in something, it can become overwhelming and more intense. But even a small sense of I'm not the only one, or this is human, or this makes sense can begin to create space. And that space matters because it allows you to stay with yourself instead of pulling away or turning against yourself. And it allows you to stay connected to others instead of feeling separate or disconnected. And over time, this is how something begins to shift, not just within you, but within your relationships and within what gets passed forward. And this connects deeply to notice and name in the neuroair framework. Because when you notice what's happening and can name it without judgment, you can begin to step out of isolation and into connection. Okay, and element three is mindfulness versus over-identification. In her work, Krista Neth explains that self-compassion requires taking a balanced, mindful approach to our suffering so that we neither suppress nor exaggerate it. She describes mindfulness as allowing us to turn towards our pain with acceptance of the present moment while preventing us from becoming over-identified with difficult thoughts and emotions so we aren't swept away by them. And if we bring this back to the parts we've been talking about, this is really about how you stay with the part without becoming the part. This is such an important piece because this is where awareness can either support you or maybe support you in a spiral. Okay, so you notice something, maybe it's a sensation, an emotion, or a part of you activating, and then you might immediately become it, such as I'm anxious, I'm overwhelmed, this is who I am, or this is who I've always been. This would be over-identification. That's when the part can take over the whole system. Mindfulness sounds different. It can sound like I'm noticing my anxiety. I can feel the sensation in my body. This is here, right now. It's saying a part of me feels this way. Not all of me feels this way, or all of me is this way. And this one shift can create space in a more regulated, grounded way because now you can be with that part of you instead of inside her or him. That's the difference between being inside the storm and having space within it. Let me say that one more time. That's the difference between being inside the storm and having space within the storm. And when there's space, something really important becomes possible. You can stay more present and you can stay more connected, and you can choose how you want to respond instead of reacting automatically. And this is where all three elements start to come together because mindfulness gives you the awareness, common humanity gives you the context, and self-kindness gives you the response. And when you bring that back to the parts of you that are showing up, mindfulness is what allows you to turn towards them without getting lost in them. It allows you to notice and name. And in doing that, it then creates space for nurture. I want to walk you through a simple practice that comes directly from the work of Dr. Neff, and you can find more self-compassion exercises along with her research on her website, selfcompassion.org. This is how she teaches the self-compassion break. I want you to think of a situation in your life that is difficult, that is maybe causing you current stress. Call the situation to mind and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body. And now say to yourself, this is a moment of suffering. That's mindfulness. Other options you could say would something along the lines of this hurts or ouch, that's a lot. Or this is stress. I want to see if you can see what's happening here. It's the notice and the name. And then number two, suffering is a part of life. That's common humanity. You can say that to yourself. So again, first we say something like, Oh, this hurts, or this is a moment of suffering. And then second, is suffering is a part of life. You might also say, other people feel this way too. I'm not alone in this. Or we all have struggles in our life. And then now put your hands over your heart, feel the Warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest, or adopt a soothing touch you discovered that felt right for you. For some of my clients, it's even their legs, putting their hands on them on their legs, or putting your arms like in a self-hug. Maybe you want to hold your dog or a pet. And then third is offering something along the lines of, may I be kind to myself? You can also ask yourself, what do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself? Is there a phrase that speaks to you in your particular situation? Some of her examples are, may I give myself the compassion that I need? May I learn to accept myself as I am? May I forgive myself? May I be strong? May I be patient. And she says this practice can be used any time of day or night. And I want to pause here for a moment because even hearing that for some of you, that might feel really natural. And for others, this type of self-compassion might feel unfamiliar and maybe even a little uncomfortable. And if that's the case, that also makes sense because for many of us, self-compassion wasn't something we were taught. It may not have been modeled for you and it may not have been available. And generationally, there may have been a time when survival required something very different of your ancestors. So offering yourself kindness now might not feel automatic. It might feel like something your system is still learning how to receive. And this is where I want to gently bring this back into the work we've been talking about. Because when you take a practice like this and you apply it to a part of you that's showing up, it can become even more powerful. So instead of just saying this is a moment of suffering, you might begin to deepen your notice practice and maybe saying, There's a part of me that's feeling this. Instead of just suffering as a part of life, you might begin to name it, this makes sense. This part learned something at this point. And this didn't just come out of nowhere. And instead of just offering words like, may I be kind to myself, you can also begin to nurture that part directly, not just with words, but with your presence, with your attention and with your care. And this is something I do a lot with clients and something I've experienced in my own work too. We'll take that younger part and in their mind, we'll invite them to a place that feels safe, a place that feels peaceful. Sometimes it's somewhere real that my client has been, and sometimes it's something they create in their mind. And what's so interesting is how quickly that part can begin to shift. You can almost feel your own nervous system soften in the moment. Maybe you picture this younger part of you sitting in the sun, finally able to relax. Or maybe you feel the ocean breeze and you take your part and feel the ocean, uh, that ocean waves at your feet, and something in them finally lets go. Or maybe it's in the quiet of the mountains where they can finally breathe. And in that place, they're not carrying everything anymore. They're no longer having to brace and they're not trying to hold it all together. They can finally be able to feel safe, supported, and at ease, and maybe even hopeful. And to me, this is self-compassion at the deepest level. Not just something you say once, but something you begin to offer to the part of you that has been waiting for it. Because the more you gently turn towards what feels stuck or off or still carrying something, the more your system can begin to soften. Tension can start to release, the need to brace can begin to relax. And your body can rest from this new place. Compassion can begin to feel more natural. And something that may not have felt accessible before, like hope, can start to come back online. So if you've been doing this work and still finding yourself being hard on yourself, this might be the piece that's been missing. Because awareness without compassion can still feel like suffering, because awareness on its own doesn't tell you how to be with yourself once something has been seen. Let me say that one more time. Because awareness on its own doesn't tell you how to be with yourself once something has been seen. And that's what we've been talking about today. Not just noticing that part of you showing up, not just understanding where it came from, but how you respond to it when it shows up. Because that part of you, that one that feels anxious or overwhelmed or shut down or like something is your fault, isn't looking for more judgment from you. This part is looking to not be alone anymore, to feel support, to feel safe, to be met with love and care and compassion. And for many of us, this wasn't something we consistently received, not because anyone did something wrong or because you had bad parents, because sometimes generationally there wasn't the capacity for it. Gotta remember as we look at time periods and what your ancestors went through, there were way different demands. There were different stressors, there were different ways of surviving. So if offering yourself compassion now feels unfamiliar or even a little uncomfortable, that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It means you're doing something new and your nervous system is learning how to receive it. So maybe the next step isn't more insight. Maybe it's this. What would it look like to relate to myself with the same care I offered to others? What would it really look like to stay with myself when something shifts instead of pulling away? What would it look like to meet the parts of me that are still carrying something with patience instead of pressure? Because healing isn't just about understanding your story, it's about changing your relationship to yourself inside of it. It's about creating a different experience for the parts of you that didn't have that before. And that doesn't happen all at once. It happens in small moments. When you notice and instead of judging, you soften. When you name what's there, and instead of isolating, you remember you're not alone. When you nurture instead of push through, and when you begin to navigate from a place of support instead of survival. And my friends, over time, all of these small moments become something your system will recognize, something your system begins to trust more, and something that starts to feel like home. And that's where so many new beautiful things begin. So hopefully this gives you guys a lot to think about and self-compassion, self-compassion again, in a way that you have maybe been having towards others, but not having in yourself currently, and also having for those past parts of you that need it so much. So, as always, make it a beautiful week. I'm thinking about you, I'm cheering you on, and I hope you guys have a great rest of your day. Until later. Bye guys. Thanks for joining me on the NeuroAir Podcast. This work is about honoring resilience in yourself and also those who came before you, all while finding freedom from what was never yours to carry. With the help of stories, science, somatic tools, and the four ends, notice, name, nurture, and navigate, you have a path toward deeper connection with yourself, your loved ones, and the legacy you want to pass on. If today's episode spoke to you, share it with someone who is ready to step into this work too. And follow the show so you never miss an episode. Remember, you may not have chosen what you inherited, but you can choose what comes next.