43. You’re Not the Problem: Understanding the Nervous System Behind Your Behaviors with Lori Montry

What if the habits you’ve spent years trying to fix aren’t actually the problem?

In this episode of the NeuroHeir Podcast, Leanna sits down with somatic healing practitioner, author, and creator of the Freedom Framework, Lori Montry, for a powerful conversation about nervous system safety, survival patterns, and why lasting change requires more than mindset and willpower.

Lori shares her journey from Harvard Law and a life built around overachievement and perfectionism to recognizing the deeper nervous system patterns driving her anxiety, emotional eating, hypervigilance, and need to prove herself. Together, Leanna and Lori explore how behaviors like people-pleasing, overthinking, emotional eating, scrolling, overworking, and other coping strategies can begin as intelligent adaptations designed to keep us safe and why attacking those behaviors rarely creates the healing we’re looking for.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

• Why coping behaviors may be adaptations rather than problems to fix
• How childhood experiences can shape patterns of thought, behavior, and nervous system responses
• Why willpower and mindset work alone often fail to create lasting change
• How nervous system safety becomes the foundation for healing
• What it means to get to know and respond to your nervous system
• Why expressing your needs can feel threatening when your body learned that having needs wasn’t safe
• How compassion can help you relate differently to younger versions of yourself
• Why your protective parts don’t need to disappear—they just don’t need to drive the bus
• How to begin considering the possibility: What if I’m not the problem?

This conversation is an invitation to stop fighting yourself and start getting curious about why your patterns make sense. Because the adaptations that once helped you survive don’t have to determine what comes next. With safety, support, and a deeper relationship with your nervous system, another way forward is possible.

Connect with Lori:

Website: www.LoriMontry.com

Youtube: Lori Montry -Somatic Healing Practitioner - YouTube

Facebook:  www.facebook.com/LoriMontry

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lorimontry/

💬 Have a Question You’d Like Answered on the Podcast?

If you have a question around the nervous system, healing relationships, or generational patterns, you’re invited to submit it anonymously using the link below.

There’s also an optional box you can check if you’d like to be considered for a short audio coaching conversation on a future episode.

👉 Submit your question

Connect with me:
Instagram → @aligningwithleanna

Website → leannahunt.com

Disclaimer:
Although I am a licensed Associate Clinical Mental Health Counselor, The NeuroHeir℠ Podcast is not a substitute for therapy, counseling, or medical treatment. The tools and practices I share are for educational and coaching purposes only. Every nervous system is unique, and what we discuss on this podcast should not replace your own individual therapeutic work or professional support.

The focus of this podcast is my coaching work, which centers on education, nervous system practices, and generational healing tools designed to support—not replace—your personal journey with a qualified provider.

If you are struggling with your mental health or experiencing overwhelming emotions, please seek support from a licensed professional in your area. You don’t have to do this work alone.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Welcome to the NeuroAir Podcast, the show for cycle breakers, parents, young adults, and helping professionals ready to understand their nervous system through a generational lens, heal what isn't theirs to carry, and consciously choose what comes next. Hi, I'm your host, Leanna Hunts, an associate clinical mental health counselor and certified performance coach. Each week you'll get stories, science, and somatic practices plus my signature for and framework. Notice, name, nurture, and navigate to help you honor resilience, break silence, and build deeper connection with yourself and those you love, all while shaping a legacy of safety, freedom, and possibility. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the NeuroAir podcast. I hope wherever you are listening, this episode finds you well. And you guys, I am so excited to have Lori Montry on the podcast. Lori, can you say hi to everybody?

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Hello, I'm excited to be here. I love the corner of the world you've created, and I can't wait to have a conversation and learn and grow and all the things.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Same. You guys, I've been looking forward to this conversation for several weeks. And before we get into it with Lori, I want to read you her bio because I don't want to miss anything because it's so amazing. So Lori Montre is a somatic healing practitioner and author of Your Not the Problem, which we'll get into in a minute, and the creator of the Freedom Framework, a nervous system-based roadmap for sustainable behavioral change. She helps people who feel stuck in stress, overwhelm, or self-sabotage understand the survival patterns driving their choices so they can build the safety, capacity, and clarity needed to take aligned action in every area of their lives. And if you guys are hearing already, you can probably see why I asked Lori to be on the show because we have so many things in common. Except for this part, which I'm very excited about. Drawing on her Harvard law background, Lori translates complex concepts like trauma, stress, physiology, and nervous system science into practical, immediately usable tools. Her work is anchored in the belief that coping behaviors such as emotional eating, overthinking, overachieving, and people pleasing are not personal failures, which we agree on all those points, but intelligent adaptations the body creates for protection. Lori's approach is grounded in lived experience. After decades of wrestling with anxiety, emotional eating, and the pressure to perform, she discovered that mindset work and willpower couldn't shift what her nervous system was still holding. That journey led her to somatic and trauma-informed modalities and shaped the method she teaches today, identify the pattern, understand the need beneath it, and rebuild safety from the inside out. Lori, welcome.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Thank you. Thank you. And I know, like you said, the alignment here between your work, we're going to have a great time.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Yeah, we are. So tell me, I know we read the bio, but just as you hear your own bio, I always love to ask, like, what's coming up for you when I ask the question, who is Lori Montree?

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Yeah, you know, I think I definitely would have answered that question a lot of different ways throughout the years. But when I hear it now, I think to myself, first of all, gratitude. Because 20 years ago or more, I would have never thought that that would be a description of gratitude and also just inside. I'm kind of jumping up and down. Like, yes, this is so exciting to be able to talk about this and maybe give someone a little inroad into that healing and growth that we've got to experience. And so it's just just pure alignment and joy at this point. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

And I feel that too. Yeah. I feel that alignment and joy just because I just love connecting with other women that are doing similar nervous system work, but also have their own takes on it because our life experiences bring us to where we are, right?

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Exactly. Yes. And it is the beauty of our experiences. And for someone to be able to say, I lived this, right? It's not a theory that I learned, and it is not something that, you know, I'm applying from something else. This really happened to me. And I really did use these tools. And I would say continue to use these tools every day.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

I think that's why we got to where we did, because we needed tools that maybe we couldn't find other places. Would you agree? 100%. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Yeah. Yeah. And all of our detours and dead ends sometimes. Hopefully that's going to make it easier for other people who find themselves, you know, kind of really resonating with the conversation.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

Well, I love that. So we have a lot of like moms, burnt-out moms, women trying to break cycle some men to young adults that are learning how to about their nervous system, how to change patterns, how to understand that what they're going through isn't a definition of who they are. So it's just kind of reading your bio. Can you kind of just talk about maybe the point from the Harvard law side into what you're doing now and maybe some of your lived experiences and how it took you from that to nervous system work?

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Yeah, absolutely. So let's back up a little bit. You know, I talk a lot in the book about adaptations. And what I mean by that is just that's what we do as humans, right? We are constantly adapting to our environment and to our experiences. And we adapt in ways, especially when we're young. We're trying to make sense of the world, we're trying to navigate. And so I, like everyone else, adapted to my environment. I go into it a lot more in the book, but you know, my environment was one where my family was completely overwhelmed by the time I arrived on the scene. I was the sixth of seven children. My mom already had a very fragile nervous system, and things were pretty chaotic for me. And then there was a period of abuse for a time when I was around four years old. And so I did what every other human does. I adapted. And I adapted in the three ways that we all adapt, which is patterns of thought, patterns of nervous system, and patterns of behavior. So some of the thoughts that I learned and developed patterns for myself was that I was a burden. My needs were too much, and if I just kept them to myself, things would be much better. I learned that the closest to perfect that I could be, the safer my environment was. I also learned to be hyper-vigilant, to be on alert for the threats that were all around me, to be hyper-vigilant about other people's needs. And I also learned how to shut down. When things got overwhelming, I learned how to just kind of go away, right? And as far as behaviors go, I became an overachieving perfectionist with an emotional leading challenge. And so very similar. Yeah. So those were the adaptations that I built. And you know, the thing about adaptations is they don't change when your environment changes, they change when you when the conditions are right. And so I built a whole life around those adaptations. And it led me to overachieving in everything that I did. I did, you know, set my sights on if I was going to go to law school, I was going to go to the Harvard Law School. If I was going to have children, I had six. I had to do everything, you know, because I'm always in a constant state of trying to prove myself, trying to earn the air that I breathe, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:02

Oh man. Yeah. I ever sorry, I just have to pause because everything you're saying, Lori, I'm like, we could be best friends just based on our stories.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Yeah, we're twins separated at birth, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:13

Yeah. Very, very similar. Yeah, no, just keep going. Sorry. I just want everything that you're saying. I'm nodding my head because I'm just like, yes, it's so amazing to talk to somebody else that I feel like, wow, so many parallels already.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah, it's it is. And even though, you know, other people's story don't look exactly the same, it is the same because we adapt and then we build a life on that adaptation.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

And then at some point, hopefully, we wake up and we realize, wow, I don't like this. This is not a line, this is not authentic for me. This is based on the adaptations that I created. And they're not wrong. They were brilliant, they helped me survive. And so if we have the privilege of recognizing that we're adapted and not in alignment, then we can begin the process of adapting again, this time towards our wholeness, our truth, the things that we want in life. But the way that we usually go about it is by attacking our behaviors, right? We want to perfect. So we use the same methodology that got us into the mess to try to get us out. And that's where I was for another, you know, once I kind of realized what was going on, I I still tried to use all of my old patterns to get me out, which didn't work. And it left me in the world. Well, because that's what we know. That's what of course. We didn't have any other pathway, any other options, right? And that's what our work is all about is about showing people the other pathways. And it's not easy. I mean, when you've developed something as a child and you've been living from it, you know, it isn't easy, but it is doable. Not it's not only doable, it's very natural. When the conditions are right, we humans will adapt again. And so the emphasis in my work is not about how do we change your behavior, how do we create everything from a behavioral standpoint, but what are the conditions that you need in order to be able to adapt again? And that's my safety capacity and energy framework. And those are the conditions that when we have those, we have that solid foundation that we can build on and change from. That's where change happens, not from force and willpower and what everyone listening already knows because they've done it and it hasn't worked.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Totally. Yeah, and I think I did an episode about willpower, I think, towards the beginning of the year. So we talked a lot about why willpower isn't sustainable and also kind of like a cognitive behavioral therapy triangle approach where thoughts affect emotions, emotions affect behaviors. But I even like to take it that our belief systems, like I'm a burden, right? That that was the one that you said, that that belief pattern did try to help protect you at some point. But when we live in that belief system, that usually generates emotions that are maybe the shutdown or the need to people please or the fear or whatever that is. And then that drives our behavior. And so oftentimes when people come to me for coaching or come in for clinical therapy, they're coming, and we've talked about this on the show too. They're coming in to try to change the behavior.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

I think we're so focused on trying to change the behavior. And you can, I see you nodding your head too, and we can go into that too. But like when I was trying to for 20 years, trying to change my relationship with food, I was trying to change the behavior.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

And it wasn't until I finally learned, too, that oh, I actually need to explore this belief that I'm not good enough because that actually is driving ultimately what the behavior is, and that I couldn't shift that belief without feeling safe in my body and in my environment. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Exactly. Yes, yes, a thousand percent. And I just want to name that it is for me at least, and I think for a lot of people, it's freaking terrifying to be in the place where you're saying, I'm not gonna run back to the diet, I'm not going to continue to, you know, beat myself all of those things because we don't know any other way, as we were talking about before. And so, you know, that held at least the promise. It never worked. You know, it might have worked for a few days, it might have worked for a couple weeks. So it holds the promise. If I can just stay consistent and discipline, then I will get what I want.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Totally. Or maybe that that would prove that would prove that I wasn't a burden or it would prove my worst. Like I just resonate with that so much. Yeah. It's like, man, if I could just stick with it this time, like that is going to prove something about me.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Yeah. I'm gonna finally be enough for a moment. Finally at least. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Finally gonna be enough, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Yeah. And that's why when you're identifying that underlying belief, that's really the place where we have the biggest opportunity. But when you're struggling and you're inside a body that doesn't feel good or inside behaviors that doesn't feel good, to step back and say, I'm gonna let go of the fixing and the idea that I'm broken for a few minutes so I can look at this other thing that might be the real cause of my suffering. That is so brave. And it is hard. And I think that even if you understand the concept, there's so much that goes into being able to do that and stay with it, you know, in a in a way. And so that's what you know, I think yours and my work is so centered on. It's like this is not a hard concept to understand, right? And there's probably a lot of people nodding their heads like, oh, that kind of makes sense. But it's hard, it's scary to let go of the promise that our behaviors have, you know, our control behaviors have offered us.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Well, we again, we needed them at some point, like it doesn't always consciously make sense, right? Why? How did that pattern actually help us? But even that hypervigilance that you mentioned, like hypervigilance is a form of protection. Our brains and our nervous systems and our bodies are so brilliant at adapting. And at some point we needed that. So, when for you did you realize you didn't need to operate the way that you were?

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Yeah. It certainly wasn't a life bulb moment. It was more like a phase where it kind of slowly unfolded, you know. I think probably the biggest turning point that I might say opened a little crack for me was I had signed up for a summit, and the summit was on, I want to say it was on something like food addiction or something like that. And of course I signed up for it to figure out okay, tell me what to eat, tell me how to, you know, control myself better. That was my motivation. Yes, that was my motivation. But inside that summit, there were a lot of experts who were sharing the idea that my behavior made sense. And I had never given it that grace before. I had never allowed me to think this makes sense. There's a reason I'm doing this. I just said, you are broken. That's why you do this. You're a willpower weakling, you suck. That's why you're doing all these things. So just that little crack, you know, and it didn't change much of anything, but it did get me starting asking some new questions. What if it did make sense? What is this all about? I didn't just start changing my behavior for a while still. I had to create that safety. And that's how I found the nervous system work, realizing that until I felt safe, I could have all of this knowledge, but I wouldn't be able to integrate it into my experience, into me. And the body really was that missing piece. So I love how you talk about, you know, of course it has to do with thoughts and feelings, and but the thoughts are being generated by a nervous system that either feels safe or does not. And so that is the foundation. That's the basement in this beautiful house that we're building. And if we can start there, not have to fix everything all at once, but if we can just put the focus for a little bit on the nervous system and bring some safety, then everything that we've been trying so hard to achieve suddenly becomes possible.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

It's beautiful. I love that in the basement of the house because that is our foundation. And without safety, without actually feeling safe in our body, we can't, I don't think, have or achieve what it is that we ultimately desire. Maybe we don't even know what we desire because we're still living so much right into that. I'm not good enough, right? But so for you from the safety perspective, like what would you want to share with everybody as far as because I think if you get on Instagram and stuff, more people are talking about safety, somatic practitioners and stuff. But some people I still maybe listening to don't even really know what safety means or feels like because they actually haven't felt it or experienced it in a really long time.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Yeah. And that was the case for me. I had never felt safe in my body. I probably didn't feel safe in utero. And so I had nothing to relate to. But it's one of the reasons I am so grateful for platforms like yours because you know, you're not talking about safety as an do this exercise and bring safety to your system. That's not what we're talking about. And actually, I think in some ways it's kind of frustrating to hear that kind of information because the nervous system is not something to hack. The nervous system is actually the compass. It's not something that we're trying to control. It's we are going to the compass as our, you know, as our guidance. And so nervous is I have to get to know my nervous system. I can't feel safe in something that I don't know and understand. You know, we wouldn't feel safe with a person that doesn't know or understand us. And it's in that knowing and understanding that the the and responding in an attuned way that we develop safety. So if we could just imagine for ourselves having somebody beside us 100%, 100% of the time this person knows us, understands us, cares for us, and is committed to meeting our needs. If we could just kind of sit in that for a minute, in this capable, resource, brilliant, you know, companion for us, that's what safety feels like. And we develop that with ourselves. And one of the most essential pieces is that safety in our system is understanding and knowing our system and being able to respond to it. Being able to respond to your needs.

SPEAKER_00 18:55

That's where safety lives. And I think that that's really, really important because for most of us or all of us, at some point our nervous system learned to adapt because maybe we didn't feel like we could get our needs met in whatever way that meant. Sometimes really small ways, sometimes really big ways. And I think that that's a really hard thing for a lot of women I've talked to is even being able to express themselves and say what they need, that that is really scary sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

It absolutely is, because you know, for me, in in my system, anyway, expressing my needs meant love would be taken away. So why would we want to do that? Right? So it's about not overriding the system, but helping the system feel safe enough to slowly try on what the alternative, what else could be true here? But you know, that's one of the things about working with our thoughts without bringing in the body piece. You're just gonna, you know, keep running around the same thoughts, saying the same mantras, trying to convince yourself of something that your body doesn't think is true. And we can spend years and years and so much energy and time and money trying to do that. Whereas if we bring that that body piece in and provide safety first, then oh, okay, maybe this is okay for me to try on and work towards this new belief system. Yeah, so it makes so much sense and it's really, I think, just such a missing piece that people need to hear about, they need to understand. And you know, they don't have to do it perfectly from day one, but that that's the starting point.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Truly is a starting point. I feel like I like say safety is kind of like the gateway into everything else, it's kind of like the key that helps us be able to explore what else is possible.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Yes. Yes, you know, that saying that we see not in the nervous system context, but we need to bring it into the nervous system context, which is safety first.

unknown 20:55

Right.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

We hear that on the job side or here or there. Safety first. Absolutely. We need bumper stickers, right? That remind us nervous system safety first.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

I think that that's really, really important. And just even as you were talking about just imagining that there's this version of us or this person beside us, right, that can do it all, that has that capacity. Like I could even just feel myself taking a deep breath. It's just that reminder that no matter what we've been through, I like to say there's always a part of us, if we go with Dr. Schwartz's IFS language, right? Our core self, but there's always a there's always a part of us that does know. There's always a part of us that has expansive thinking, open-mindedness, belief that we can heal. It's just usually that all the other belief systems or the other parts of us that what we've been through, our real our lived experience are sometimes just so much louder than that part of us that actually knows we can do it.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Yeah. I I love and I use the model. It's it's one of my primary tools. It's a different version. But you know, I think of that part that you're describing, I don't think of it as a part, I actually think of it as our true self, right? It is who we really are. And if we just kind of really simplify it into a usable example, that is the, you know, if we think of all of the parts of us, you know, we're riding on a bus. And who do we want driving the bus? We want that sacred self, as I would call. And and then all of the parts are welcome. We're not trying to kick anybody off the bus, they have valuable information that help us. Navigate our bus, right? But they should never ever drive. Totally. They cannot see over the dash and work the pedals at the same time. So when we let parts lead, we are driving over curves, hitting stop signs, sometimes going over cliffs because they're not capable of driving us in a way. So bringing that safety, but that requires safety, right? The parts are gonna vie for that driver's seat unless they feel safe enough and that there is a capable resource as a driver. So again, right, it comes back to feeling safe enough to take their seat somewhere in the back, you know, fasten their seatbelt, enjoy the view out the window. Like that's the idea. When we can get our parts feeling safe enough to do that and they help navigate, then we've got what we need.

SPEAKER_00 23:23

Lori, this is so cool because I've talked so much about our beliefs are kind of like we look at where we're going in our life, and we can kind of look at what belief is driving our car, you know, in our life and where we're going. And how do we get that core self, that sacred self, that true self, the higher self? How do we get that into the driver's seat? And you kind of talked about safety. Do you have any steps that we could offer listeners today that are trying to experience like whether they're dealing with people pleasing, emotional eating?

SPEAKER_01 23:53

I feel like there's so many behaviors we could fit into scrolling, wine, shopping, gambling, gaming, like yes, pornography.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

I mean, it doesn't like so when we look at all these behaviors from a nervous system lens and trying to actually feel safe, how does your framework kind of fit into that? I'm wondering what you're willing to share with everybody listening today.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Yeah. And I just want to say, because I appreciate it so much, that you know, I'm sure we studied a lot of the same, you know, material and all that kind of stuff. But the fact that we're coming to truths and ways that are so similar in how it really speaks to me like there is that core, you know, essence of how to work with the human, the human system. And so I just wanted to name how lovely that is. For me, it resonates in my soul to think, yes, there's a truth, you know, and it's not exactly, you know, a word for word, whatever, but it just feels so nice to be touching into that.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

So so so nice. Thank you for saying that. It really does. Like my whole insides are like this is so awesome.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

And it just feels so yes, yes, it's out there, it's happening. We're we're able to share this stuff from that lived experience. So these behaviors, as we've said, they all have the same root. So we could talk about any one of them individually, but we're talking about all the same things. And so, with respect to those behaviors, you know, the starting point again is developing this resource for yourself, developing this one who will be there with you. And it starts the very, very first step is getting to know and understand your nervous system. And that's really truly that's the only thing you need to do in as a first step. And when you not perfectly, but when you've got some idea about that and you're able to show up in an attuned way to meet start meeting your needs, then you will know the next step and the next step. And that's what our frameworks are all about, right? Is leading people through the steps. Right. And I know that I want it so bad to just tell me the thing that will fix this for me because it is so painful to be in this behavior, in this life, in this and so it was really hard for me to step back and stop trying to fix everything all at once and just get to know my nervous system. So I just want to acknowledge like that is part of the process is giving yourself the permission to do that. And you know, one of the things that I have developed over the years is what I call the the nervous system, your nervous system is talking, learning to listen. So it's a resource that offers one way to check in and get to know your nervous system. It's based on a quick five times a day process. And there I created a guide, a resource, both video and PDF, along with some cheat sheets and some worksheets. So that you really have a structure. You know, it's so easy to hear about, oh, I need to get to know my nervous system. Okay. What the hell does that mean again? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

What does that actually look like? Yeah. Everyone's talking about it right now, right? Well, I shouldn't say everybody. I feel like everybody is talking about it. But what does that actually mean? Yeah, to get to know your nervous system.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Yeah. So this is a starting point from which you can, you know, of course, there's not a magic formula, but it's a starting point that people can take and start to just learn to listen because your nervous system doesn't speak, right? In the same language as the mind. There are no words, there are no, you know, concepts and things. It's sensation, it's tension and pressure and all kinds of things. So we just need to, you know, kind of learn that language that we were never taught. In fact, we were taught how to override it, right? Totally. Don't listen to that. It's so far. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

We fought it, we ran away from it, we kind of got stunned or completely shut down, right? So I think there's so many different ways that we interacted that way.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Even the message, even our school experience, right? Your body wants to, you want to move, you want to do, sit still, finish your, you know, whatever it is. And it's something that is very natural. I've never met a person that wasn't capable of doing it. Might take a little extra time here or there, whatever, but it's so worth it.

SPEAKER_02 28:13

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Taking the time to build that foundation. So, how do people find that resource? Yeah, that resource is at lauriemontri.com/slash guide. It also lives on the website, lauriemontry.com, with a lot of other resources because that was something that was very meaningful to me. I didn't know where to go, and I don't think I believed that I was worth the the extra support. So I really benefited from a lot of people's free resources. So that was something important to me. So there's a lot there on the website and hopefully a greater understanding and some real practical steps to get started.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

I love that you're sharing that. So we'll link all of Lori's information in the show notes so you guys can go to that and download that free guide. That's so beautiful that you offer that as a free resource. Just thank you for even putting free resources out there. You know, I think that that's something my hope is that there's more people willing to share free resources and tools and things because that just helps somebody feel like, I don't know, build trust, get to know you better. And also I think it brings hope because I just remember for so many years, like you said, there just wasn't what I needed out there. And I looked and I searched and I couldn't find it. And now there's amazing humans that are putting out content to help all of you listening, right? Because again, there wasn't the resource out there when we needed it.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

Exactly. But I will say, you know, it gives us the real connection with the work. Like we didn't we didn't learn it so much as we lived it. And I think that that it just creates for us a much better place from which to guide and support.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

That's beautiful. So another question, kind of going back to I'm gonna call you that version of you, law school Lori. Yeah, yeah. So when you think about law school Lori to where you are now, I'm just wondering like maybe even what you would want to say to that version of you now, based on where you've come, how far you've come, what you've learned, because I know there's so many people listening that are in their own version of trying to do the biggest thing to prove themselves, to prove their worth, that are exhausted, that are burnt out, that are that are just overeating or overdrinking or not sleeping. I just want you all to know that like we hear you, we feel you. I I just even though I don't talk to you every day, like everybody, I can't, we can't talk to everybody every day that reads our content and consumes our info, but I just feel you and feel like what you're needing. So for those of you listening, like Lori, what would you say to that part of you and also maybe to that version of everybody out there, if that makes sense?

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Yeah. Well, what you said was so beautiful, and I was just thinking about her law school, Lori, you know, and thinking about how damaged she felt and broken. And what I would really want her to know, and why I titled the book you're not the problem. You're not broken. Everything makes sense, everything you do, everything you're experiencing makes sense. You adapted once, you can adapt again. And you are I know I'm here with you. That's what I really wanted to hear. I'm here with you. I'm right here, sweetheart. I'm right here. I never left. I got you. That's what I would really love. I didn't have the ability to say it, but I say it to her now.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

How does that even feel in your body to offer that compassion to a younger part of you? Another version of you, because she's still in you, she is you.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

Exactly. It's been such a progression because it's been a part of my daily practice. Some parts of me, you know, are needing me in the day and to have that conversation. And it is a feeling of where instead of the brick in my tummy that used to live, you know, that or that uh unsettledness of the angry butterflies, you know, that it's a literally a lifting, like a lightness in my belly. Like oh my gosh, I'm so like that excitement, like a first date or something like that. It's oh my gosh, you know, to have that need met, that need that I didn't even know what it was about, to have that met in that way from someone I can rely on, hands down. There is no question whether I can rely on this person, you know. It is a glorious feeling. All of life is different, and I know that sounds a little bit, you know what I mean, but to a listener, it might sound all of life is different, really. It really is. Really is nothing is the same when you have that with yourself for yourself.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

So so so true, so true. And I I love what you shared to your younger self, like that. I just resonated with it. They got emotional about that. And I think that that's something like maybe if people are thinking, okay, how could it actually be different? Like, what is something that you want those listening to maybe be able to offer themselves today, especially if it's new? Like we've tried this on the podcast before. Maybe you're a new listener or you just found the show, or for whatever reason, like Lori, what is something that you want to encourage everybody to try to say to themselves or sit with after they listen today or even right now?

SPEAKER_01 33:42

Yeah, yeah. You know, I think it's so foreign for so many of us to feel like there is that sacred self within us, you know, and just to that's okay. But what I want them to know is that it is there. There's no question, there's no question about whether or not it exists. And it knows the answer to everything. We don't need to know those answers today, but little by little, if you can just be open to the idea that that it exists and that I might be able to find it, then things are going to start to feel different.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

It is there, it can't be lost. It can't be lost, and things will feel different. Exactly, exactly. And I kind of feel like, yeah, it's like there is another option, there's another doorway, there's always another way to see something, there's another opportunity, and so much of that again goes back to us even connecting with that part of us and experiencing safety. For some of you, maybe it's the first time ever. You're consciously, when I say conscious, it's not that you haven't had moments of safety, but where you're consciously allowing yourself to feel safe and even realizing that you are capable of achieving and becoming and believing and thinking and feeling whatever it is that you have wanted to. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

And I would say, you know, because of our journeys and the life that we used to live in the in the I'll say torment, you know, that we used to feel totally, yeah. There are people who really care about feel of that. You know, when I left my law practice, I had no idea. I was like, what am I? I didn't care. If I could help one person feel the way and experience a new life like that, if I could help one person, of course it would be worth it.

SPEAKER_00 35:42

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

And I hear in your voice, and I know that that you feel the same way. So there are people who really care. I really do care. You don't have to do this alone. I thought I did. I didn't even want to tell anybody, nobody knew about all of my secret behaviors. Nobody knew. I had never offered myself, you know, the opportunity, the grace of sharing with a single living soul. And so you're not alone in this. Yeah, we really do. I think so. We really do care.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

It's our mission in life. Yeah, and there's so much power in man just when you said that, because so much of my life was so alone in those behaviors.

unknown 36:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

And we feel like we're the only one. That's one of the things I love about my group spaces, is it's like, you know, they we show up and they're like, oh, you do that too. I mean, we know people do. There's, you know, all the resources and stuff out there. We know we're not the only ones, but we feel like we are.

SPEAKER_00 36:47

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

You know?

SPEAKER_00 36:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

And that I think that's the other thing too. I'll tie back in to kind of wrap up is with safety, like we even see in the autonomic nervous system that when we are in parasympathetic, that we can expand our peripheral vision. When we're in fight or flight, when we're in sympathetic, we can see that we our eyes even go into tunnel vision. And so when we can feel safe in our body, it's almost like we can start to see how many other people out there care, how many other people are experiencing something like us, maybe not the same thing, but their own version. And so, and in that safety, we can explore so many possibilities for support, for community, for healing, for opportunity. And people like finding people like Lori. I just want to acknowledge that I would never have been connected with you if I hadn't done my own work at some point, right? And vice versa.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

Right, exactly, which is just so beautiful. And it just feels like such an affirmation for me, you know, in the work. It's like, yes. Yeah. This is yeah, this is so real, and it's out there, and there are aligned people doing amazing things. So you're not alone. Uh there there is a way. You may not see it today. I think of it like a bridge that we're crossing, and it's very foggy right now, you know? So we may only be able to see the next step in front of us. Trust that the next step will be there when when you need it.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

Yeah, and that all starts going back to what you talked about safety, right? Yes. Safety, being able to feel that, and even just believe that safety is possible, even if you don't right now. Even the belief, like that safety could be possible, that it is possible no matter what your lived experiences are, what you're currently experiencing right now.

SPEAKER_01 38:36

Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. There is a step that's available today.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

There is. Well, Lori, I've just loved, loved, loved talking to you. I feel just our energies are just connected to everything you've said. It's just a yes to everything. So, in closing, just kind of tell people you have your book out, what other things you have or you want them to know, and just kind of a message. Just gonna put that all to you. Lori, just wrap us up.

SPEAKER_01 39:04

All right. Yeah. No, I just, you know, I really would invite people to visit the website and and see what resonates. You know, there's some emotional eating information, there's this, there's that. So you will know, your guidance will tell you what could be helpful. But the thing that I'm most excited about right now is the book. It was really an effort to put everything kind of under one roof with respect to the safety capacity and energy. And as I was writing in, I kept having this nagging feeling like, you know, Lori, you're writing a book for people who are already in overwhelm. Books that ask something of us, especially when we're in overwhelming and survival, they just end up collecting dust on the stand. And so I really, I really thought to myself, there has to be more support available here. So I created a reader circle where we all get together and talk about the concepts in the book, support one another, stay consistent and receive guidance and support. And so the book in the reader circle is a really special place to me. And yeah, I would love, you know, for people to check it out and see if it's something that resonates within them.

SPEAKER_00 40:14

Awesome. That just sounds so amazing. And I need to read your book too. I'm excited to thank you so much. Anything else you want to leave the listeners is just we're all in different stages of hope and exploration of our nervous system and what's possible. So just kind of any last words there.

SPEAKER_01 40:30

Yeah, just keep coming back to you're not the you are not the problem. That was a real starting point and something that needs to be reaffirmed over and over.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Yeah. And I think there's so much freedom and possibility once you actually can sit in this idea. Maybe you don't even want to adopt it today. Yeah. What if you could just sit in this idea and a question? I'm gonna leave it like that. What if you aren't the problem? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

Maybe I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

That truly was my starting point.

SPEAKER_01 41:04

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

Maybe I'm not.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

Maybe I'm not.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Maybe I'm not the problem. What if something isn't quote unquote wrong with me? Wrong with me. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I hope you guys will all check out Lori's information. Make sure you check out the show notes. There's gonna be a lot of great information there. And Lori, thank you so much for taking time to be with me today. It was such a pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

And I thank you for your work in the world and just, you know, wish you all the best to keep getting this out there and continue to touch lives.

SPEAKER_00 41:35

Same. Same. I'm so excited to see where you go and what ends up happening for you and all those that get to find you and experience your work. So, you guys, I hope you can take moments to experience beauty this week, those little glimmers that help remind our nervous system that we can feel safe, that we get to be grateful for being alive and that we can feel and experience safety in our body. I think is ultimately the hope and goal I want to leave with all of you today. So until next time. Bye, guys. Thanks for joining me on the NeuroAir Podcast. This work is about honoring resilience in yourself and also those who came before you, all while finding freedom from what was never yours to carry. With the help of stories, science, somatic tools, and the four ends notice, name, nurture, and navigate, you have a path toward deeper connection with yourself, your loved ones, and the legacy you want to pass on. If today's episode spoke to you, share it with someone who's ready to step into this work too. And follow the show so you never miss an episode. Remember, you may not have chosen what you inherited, but you can choose what comes next.