The Honest Guide to Bali, Bangkok, Phuket, and Chiang Mai

He’s back! After leaving the country, Dakota is finally back from his massive trip to Asia, and he brought home a lot of memories (and a stomach bug). This week, we are diving into his travels through Bali, Bangkok, Phuket, and Chiang Mai. We’re talking about the incredible food, the absolute culture shock, and the exact moment Dakota’s trip took a violent turn courtesy of the infamous Bali Belly.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the house tour. Today we are going to talk about local gay person Dakota's trip to Indonesia and Thailand.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Notice you didn't say local famous gay person, but we'll talk about that next time.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

No, because we'll talk about my trip next time.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Your trip where?

SPEAKER_00 0:16

I was implying that I'm the famous gay person out of the two of us. Got you. Because I once went into uh Mark and I once went into a restaurant and the um waiter ended up being a fanboy of us.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

It was also a very attractive waiter.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

Yeah. Like well, that's all I remember about the waiter.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Anyways, let's talk about the table. Certainly wasn't good at his job.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

Oh. Just kidding. I'm pretty sure I was great at my job. Need to not eat tidbits while I'm Okay, I'm gonna start with an easy one. How did you how safe did you feel being openly gay in these countries?

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Okay, wait. Let's let's first of all talk about before we get into the gay shit. Let's talk about where I went. I said Thailand. Okay, but I went to specifically in Thailand, I went to Bangkok, I went to Chiang Mai, and I went to Fuket.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Can I just point out that these names are Bangkok and Fucket?

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Happy Thailand. And then also in Bali. So sorry, what was the question? I said, did you feel safe as a gay person in these places?

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Yes, very much so. Thailand. Thailand has a reputation for having like lady boys, which by the way, I brought home a share that says I love lady boys. Yes, I do. And it has a reputation of being very gay friendly and very open to trans people. And that was very, very obvious. We went to a couple of night markets. One of them was a gay-themed night market where there was just gay stuff happening everywhere. Um, pride flags everywhere. Call that a bathhouse here in Canada. Yes, Steamworks is what it was called in Thailand. Just kidding, it was not. Anyways, and then sorry, what was I talking about? Gay night market. Gay shit. And then they had bands playing, and it was gay bands, so it was a gay couple. Everything was gay. It was gay. And then like a lesbian band. It was beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

So is that why you chose Thailand?

SPEAKER_01 2:03

No, we chose Thailand because my friends was going to a wedding in Bali, and then we just decided to make a two and a half week trip out of it. Oh, fun. But yes, very, very safe if you are a homosexual.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

How dare you? And also go to Thailand. Um, I think I know the honest answer to this question. I want to see if you answer it honestly. What was your first thought when you landed at the airport?

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Ooh, what do you think my first thought was?

SPEAKER_00 2:26

No, let me tell you my first thought first.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

My first thought was holy fucking hell it's hot.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Oh, okay. I thought you were gonna say, holy fuck, my husband's throwing out for 24 hours.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Okay. I wasn't gonna mention that. You cut that out. But I yeah. Also that. Thank God the puke is over. That's what I thought your first thought was.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

I don't have a husband. Sorry, I'm just planting seeds in your mind. Um so and you felt safe being openly good. Were there like queer neighborhoods or or bars? I know you said the event was gay, but like was there like a bar that was like Fegs, come.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

A hundred percent. In Bangkok, especially, we well, I actually I'm gonna tell someone else's story because I didn't go to this because I was on a plane ride home. But my one friends who we went with were staying an extra 12 hours because they got on a different flight. And of course, they decided to go to the gay neighborhood the night that the two gays left them. So they went to a drag show in Thailand. In Thailand, in Bangkok, which they said was amazing. Um, and they it ended up being in like a gay neighborhood where there was a bunch of homosexual bars, gays everywhere. They loved it as two mostly straight women.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Okay. So we would have really loved it. I would have loved it. Um did you meet any local queer people?

SPEAKER_01 3:42

No. No. I didn't actually. I like we talked, I I spoke to drag queens. So yes. Yes, I did, kind of. But I couldn't tell you their names.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Um, what's in 15 seconds or less, what would a gay listener need to know about going to Thailand?

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Live your life, be yourself, and don't wear a lot of clothes. I know you're gay, so you're not gonna wear a lot of clothes, but it's super, super hot.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

So it's it's super hot, yeah, to not wear clothes, I agree. Um I'm gonna just go ahead and skip the next five questions on dating and social life.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Yeah, unfortunately, I didn't do a lot of dating while I was there.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

One of the questions is how different were Grindr? Um, well, how different was Grinder? It was very different. Yeah, very different.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Actually, I think I don't know this to be true, but I'm gonna say it as if it is. Bali, I think in Indonesia, because Thailand is very gay friendly, Indonesia is not as much. It's like not it's not bad to be gay, but it's not like celebrated as much, I would say. I'm pretty confident grinder is banned in Indonesia. Oh. You can fact check me. I don't know this for sure, but that seems true to me in my brain.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

What local custom did you love the most? Um anything that stuck out?

SPEAKER_01 4:55

Just how friendly everyone is in Thailand specifically. Um, Bali people were friendly, but in Thailand, everyone was super friendly. Like you walk down the street and everyone is saying hi to you. Mostly these are business people who are trying to get you to come in. But in Thailand, every other store is a massage place. So they have people, men and women, out front trying to like flag you down and like welcome you in.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

And these are like actual massages or like happy adding massages or both? A little bit of both, actually.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Yeah. Apparently, you have to look at the reviews to see which kind of place you're going to. And I'll tell you a fun story. So I don't like being touched by strangers or even like my friends. There's like three people that I'm okay with touching me. So I did not go for a massage. But the three people that I was with at the time all went for a massage. And my one friend who I don't think listens to this podcast, but if she does, I'm sorry for exposing you. She got a massage, and you're supposed to like not get naked, but take your clothes off for these massages, and then they provide you with like little undergarments to wear. So like a little like um netting underwear, and she looked at the netting underwear that was provided and didn't know what it was, so just didn't put it on, stripped butt ass naked, and got her massage butt ass naked. And the the musseur just didn't say anything, just said, you know what? Yeah. Get in there.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Okay, get get in there. Get in there, and she did. And she sure did. Um, what was the best thing you ate?

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Okay, honestly, this is controv mm- no, it's not controversial, but the best thing I ate the entire time. We went to this night market in I want to say Chiang Mai, and I got pad thai from this like 70-year-old lady at her her booth, and it cost me $2 Canadian, and it was this giant helping of pad thai, and it was honestly the best food I've ever eaten in my life. It was so freaking good. Honestly, I didn't eat a bad meal the entire time. All the food in Thailand is so so so so good. But the pad thai from that that $2 pad thai from that night market was the best thing I've ever put in my mouth.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Or sorry to Ryan. What food looked intimidating but turned out to be amazing?

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Honestly, I worked myself up a lot because there's this phenomenon called Bali Belly and like Thailand belly, where you get sick from food. So I was intimidated by a lot of food. So, like the first couple days there, I was not eating adventurous, but then I was like, you know what? Screw it. I got sick, threw up for 24 hours, came back brand new, and was ready to eat anything. So I would say the most intimidating food that wasn't actually intimidating was the local lady boys.

unknown 7:40

Okay, fun.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Jesus Christ. Um, I just know this was probably like a couple novels before bed, but tell us about your wildest night out. Okay. Expose me for sure.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Absolutely. Honestly, yeah, there wasn't a lot of first of all, a lot of the the clubs there which we went to were outdoors. And when I tell you it was hot, it was like 50 degrees. So picture okay, picture trappers, but it's outdoor in 50 degree weather.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Trappers is already disgusting.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

So like sorry if you like trappers.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

I mean I mean support local guel businesses.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Maybe ones that are anyway.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Anyways, we won't talk about trappers. We have differing opinions. But anyways, going to the club on the beach was was such a fun time, but what uh you step on the dance floor and you're like feel like you just showered 30 seconds in, and that's just you. Well it's hot in the clubs too. Yeah, because they're outdoor clubs. Oh no AC, there's maybe one fan going the entire time.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Yeah, absolutely. That would not work for me.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

It was I literally went and it was I was also like 12 hours post-Bolleybelly. I was already not doing well. And here I am in the middle of a club in Bali.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

The fact that you're just calling it Bollybelly.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

It's a thing. Bollybelly, look up Balibelly. Okay. It's a it's a phenomenon, and it's not it's not worth it.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

But oh, so so it wasn't worth it. A common term Oh, oh my god. A common term for traveler's diarrhea. You said it was vomiting. It's coming out both ends? Uh yeah, so luckily I did not get it too bad out of my butt.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

What? Oh yeah, no, it it does diarrhea is one of the symptoms, but I was it was coming out of my mouth mostly. Which, okay, let me just this is gonna be TMI and a little bit gross for everyone, but I just want you to really picture it. I was in an Airbnb in Bali. The bathroom was an outdoor bathroom mostly. So no AC. Also, it was thunderstorming the day that I was violently throwing up, and the toilet was in the splash zone. So I am in 50 degree heat, violently getting ill into the toilet while also getting rained on. I wasn't even mad because I was in Bali.

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Sure. Sure. At that point I'd rather be at home for the like for while I'm sick, but anyway. Um the you already kind of answered this. Did anything go spectacularly wrong? You got Balibelly. I got Balibelly.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Actually, out of the six of us that were there on the trip, five of us got some form of illness while we were there. It's very, very common to get sick there.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

You're absolutely making me really want to go to these.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

I know. Everyone keeps asking me how my trip is, and I'm like, I only got Balibelly once. And they're like, Can you say did you have fun though?

SPEAKER_00 10:24

And I was like, You have to you have to, for the rest of it, try to make it sound like this is a trip that someone would want to go on. Okay, got it. So um any travel mishaps involving language barriers?

SPEAKER_01 10:34

I don't think so because it's all very westernized there, so like most restaurants and places speak English. There was a couple times at restaurants where we would order food and we'd be like not so spicy, and I think they thought we said extra spicy. So like one day there's this thing in Thailand called cowsoy.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

It's it's a tad cow soy.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

It's it's a breakfast food in Thailand.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

That's what Mark gets when we go to um the Thai restaurant downtown. Interesting. Kow soy like soup.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Yeah, it's like a soup, like a broth with noodles and chicken and stuff. Yeah. How spicy is it?

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Um, well, at Salikang it comes not spicy, and then you add.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Gotcha. So so there was no option for this at this restaurant. This was a very authentic, like local Thai restaurant, and I got cow soy. It was spicy. I could barely eat it. I was not doing well. When I really wasn't doing well was the next morning at breakfast when I was fine, eating breakfast, until I was not fine, and it all hit my stomach like a freaking rock. It was bad. And it came out both ends, or one end, or we won't get into the nitty-gritty details. But I was in a little cute breakfast cafe, and their toilet was not doing well after I left.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Oh my god. It was awful. Was there a place you went to where you thought that you could live here you could live there?

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Yeah, so I definitely went live in Bali, but Thailand in in Fouquet, we stayed in the mountains. Shout out to Thomas, um, in an Airbnb in the mountains, and I could legitimately live there. It was like a five-minute uh motorcycle ride to town where you everything was there, and like a seven-minute ride to the beach. But it was like in the mountains, it was quiet, you overlooked the entire city and the beach, it was beautiful, and I would absolutely go live there. Fun fact this guy who was running the Airbnb was I'm gonna say Australian, but his girlfriend who we met was Canadian. So fun. And she moved there to live her life. She opened a pot store with her husband and lives in Thailand, and that's her life.

SPEAKER_00 12:38

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

So that's kind of fun. Yeah, it's my life.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

Okay, this one you have to um answer uh Thailand or Indonesia. Okay. Uh, what has better food? Thailand. Better beaches.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Thailand. Oh, it's really, really close. I will say that we went during monsoon season, so the beaches were okay. What did I say? You want people to go to Thailand. But I want to be honest. Okay. I went during monsoon season, so the beaches were a little choppy, and a lot of our boat tours got canceled. But I would say the Bali Beach was my favorite. Okay. Indonesia.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Better nightlife. Well, it's just swimming on the dance floor, so neither, I guess.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Yeah, I would say Bangkok had the best nightlife.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

One night in Bangkok in the world. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

If you're looking to do exactly what the name suggests, I would say Bangkok is the best nightlife.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Better value for money.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Thailand. Thailand, you can spend no money and live like a king.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Better for gay travelers.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Thailand. Indonesia is not as gay friendly. Thailand is super gay friendly. I you could you could walk down the street having sex with your sex partner.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

Wow. Um which would you revisit first?

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Thailand. I don't know if I'd go back to Bali if I'm honest. I would, but I would go in a different spot in Bali. But Thailand, I would go tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Fun. Okay. Did the trip change you in any way?

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Like, yes. Honestly. I was actually. This is again, it's not gonna be a positive, but I'm gonna say it. I was talking with one of my friends that I went with, and we both struggled for the first like two weeks getting home, not just with traveler what? Jet lag. Sorry, brain part there. Um, not with just jet lag, but also with uh readjusting back to our normal life. It was very depressing because we were two weeks where we were A, together and having fun, and B just like living amongst the local Thai. And it was just a real big struggle. So it changed my outlook on life, I think. This is very this isn't really negative. I'm just gonna say that I sh I really struggled when I got back, like with my mental health.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

But that means that it was a really good trip. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

You know what? I like the way you spent that. Um, yes. Also, people in Thailand, like nothing is serious, it's all very laid back. Like when people talk about Thailand, they're absolutely correct. Everyone is just living their own life.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Well, that's like realtors.

SPEAKER_01 15:00

Shade. But no, realtors are obsessed with every detail, in fact, of everything. Yeah, that's too much.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Love realtors. Love them.

SPEAKER_00 15:10

Love pink. Um, love pink. Okay, last real question before we do rapid fire. What's one thing you will carry with you from this experience? Gonorrhea.

unknown 15:22

Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

No, I'm just kidding. Um, what is one thing that I will carry? The ring that I'm currently wearing right now, which you haven't even noticed that I'm literally engaged.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

It's on the wrong hand, and I did notice it.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

Um, yeah, I made this ring that says my dog's name on it. Only both dogs. Okay, good. On the side of the street in Chiang Mai. And it is my favorite token or souvenir I've ever had. That's very cute. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Okay, uh, rapid fire. That means you get five words or less. I'm not good at not. Okay, fine. Don't say what you want.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

No, no, no. I'm I'm gonna do rapid fire.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

I'm just you already answered this, but best meal.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

Pat Thai, but second would be any form of mango sticky rice. Oh. It is worth the hype.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Best beach, you kind of said.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Bali. Anyway. Best city. Fouquet. Biggest surprise. Being on a plane, sat next to someone throwing up for 12 hours straight.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

Biggest regret.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Not changing seats as soon as they started throwing up.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

Most overrated attraction. Bali in general. I would hope we anyway. Most overrated attraction. Wait, did I say most overrated? One thing you'd pack next time that you forgot to pack.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Honestly, there was my Speedo. Um, because I wasn't sure how comfortable I'd be in it. But the one thing that my friend packed that I ended up using the entire time was a neck fan. You know those people who sit with a little freaking obnoxious fan on their neck? No. I was that I was that guy the entire trip and I did not regret it.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

Okay. Um one word to describe Thailand.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Spectacular.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

And one word to describe Indonesia.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Influencer.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's not positive. Um, all right. Well, do you have anything else you want to add about your trip to Indonesia/slash Thailand?

SPEAKER_01 17:13

I'm just gonna touch on the influencer thing. Bali is great, but it is very much so geared towards influencers. For example, like every three stores, if you're walking down the street, was an influencer hub. Uh-huh. Which I didn't go in, but it was like where you go in and film TikToks and and do kind of things like that. And like a lot of the restaurants had like their protein and macros and things on the menu. It was just very influencery. I didn't love that. But next time I would go to that was in Kangu. Um next time I would go somewhere a little bit more local. But yes, Kangu. If you are a flaming homosexual or just a regular straight person, I would recommend this trip 12 out of 10. I went to Europe last year and an East Coast Canada road trip the year before, and this was by far my favorite trip. Really? Yeah. All in all, even with getting sick, and even with well, like I said, five of out of the six of us got sick, and all five of us got sick on different days from different things. So, like someone was almost always sick, but we all still agreed it was it was the best trip ever.

unknown 18:16

Damn.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

And I'm gonna go to the back.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Because respectfully, nothing about like very little but what you've told me is like, wow, I need to go on this trip.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Yeah, I'm really, really people have given me that note on my stories for this trip before. I'm really, really bad at hyping things up.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Like the pad thai is the closest I got to wanting to go to Thailand.

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Okay, the pad thai, the surfing, the food in general. I like food. The the drink. Like two dollar cocktails. Two dollar cocktails.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Okay, but you paid thousands of dollars to go there to have two dollar cocktails. I need something that's more than that. The beaches. The beaches.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

The honestly, just the culture. I get it. The culture. Just sitting in a restaurant. One of my favorite nights on the trip where the six of us went to this little quaint little restaurant that was recommended by our Airbnb host, and there was live music playing the entire night. Drinks were flowing, the food kept coming out, and we all just it was just such a good night just sitting with all of the locals.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Do you find that like people in your party were able to like loosen up more than they are in their normal life? Like, yeah?

SPEAKER_01 19:19

Yeah, I would say so. It's a very relaxed culture, and again, no one's really paying attention to you. Everyone's kind of doing their own thing and living their own life.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Okay, so that would be fun. So they like being able to Right.

SPEAKER_01 19:30

I feel like in Ontario, everyone's focused on everyone. Like, I'm worried about being filmed in public all the time. But I could have done stupid shit. Also, I there's two things I need to talk about before we close here. A, cockroaches. No. If you don't like cockroaches, you will not like this trip because there were cockroaches everywhere. Bali, Thailand, and Why the fuck would I want to?

SPEAKER_00 19:51

Like, I I'm so sorry. I just know, um, I I hate cockroaches. And um, my friend Katie says she listens to my podcast, so this will be a test if she actually does. I know Katie's been listening to this, being like, There's no way John's gonna want to go on this trip. I think. But anyway. Tell me about the cockroaches all over.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

Okay, so two fun stories about the cockroaches.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

One, the very first night.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Did you say, oh my god?

SPEAKER_00 20:13

I hate cockroaches so much. I literally I hate bugs. You're gonna hate this story then.

SPEAKER_01 20:18

I was sitting, the Airbnb that we were at in Bali was kind of like a half outdoor, half indoor. So there was lizards and cockroaches all throughout the Airbnb. It was fine. Um, but I was sitting at the table one night, snacking on something. It was actually our first night there, so I had just survived all of my flights and whatever. And I'm sitting there, not wearing a shirt, and I'm drinking or eating, and everyone's around me talking. A cockroach falls from the ceiling, lands right in front of me, and like attacks my nipple. There was a running joke about the rest of the trip. Um, and then the second story was near the end of the trip. We were all walking home from the bar, so had a couple drinks on us, a little bit tipsy, and we had to cross a bridge to get over a river to get back to our Airbnb. And there were three cockroaches, the biggest cockroaches I've ever seen, sitting in front of the bridge, like guarding it. You're just kidding. I'm not kidding. And we all were like, What do we do? Like, what the fuck? I ended up just jumping over them and then they they scattered. But yeah, cockroaches everywhere. And secondly, in Bangkok, I did a lot of research on this trip, but in Bangkok, I didn't realize that there was um water monitor lizards. I don't know if you saw my Instagram story, they look like alligators, but like seven-foot lizards all over, like like squirrels here. I was there for 48 hours in Bangkok, and me and my one friend counted that we saw 50.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

How the fuck has I've I never heard about that?

SPEAKER_01 21:44

I I don't know. They're all over the parks. We went through like boat rides down the river through Bangkok and they're everywhere, like swimming in the water.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

And they just they they don't they just leave people alone?

SPEAKER_01 21:54

They leave people alone. They will eat like fish, um, small mammals, cats. If cats get too close to the water, things like that. But it's basically like an alligator. Nope. And that concludes my story time on this trip.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

Oh my god. Well, thank you for stopping by the house tour. If any of you lasted past that alligator story, come back soon. The kettle's always on and the tea's always hot. Bye. Bye.