Building Authenticity and Connection in a Lonely World

Summary

In this episode, Ryan shares his journey from personal struggles with anxiety and depression to building a movement that helps others. We discuss the power of authenticity, the impact of loneliness, and practical insights for entrepreneurs and high achievers.

Keywords

anxiety, mental health, entrepreneurship, authenticity, loneliness, trauma, personal growth, movement, coaching, relationships


Key  topics

Ryan's personal journey with anxiety and depression
The role of authenticity and realness in building a movement
The impact of loneliness and trauma on mental health
How running and physical activity aid mental health
The importance of connection over perfection
Ryan's approach to life coaching and mental health
The organic growth of Ryan's platform without advertising
Insights into high achievers and loneliness
The effect of COVID-19 on mental health and introspection
Recommended resources for trauma and relationship healing



Guest Name

Ryan Light


Sound bites

"My pain has become purposeful."
"Winning the heart first is the key."
"The feelings of loneliness come from trauma of abandonment."


Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Ryan's background
01:59 Ryan's personal struggles and turning points
07:55 The origin of Ryan's movement and platform
15:05 The importance of authenticity and realness
22:03 Loneliness, trauma, and relationship dynamics
30:05 Impact of COVID-19 on mental health
36:01 Ryan's approach to helping others and his mission
38:46 Recommended resources and closing thoughts

resources

Whole Again by Jackson McKenzie
Ryan's Website - https://beatanxiety.me
Ryan's Social Media - https://instagram.com/beatanxiety.me

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Grind Design Podcast. I am back uh with my co-host, Manny Henriad. Welcome back.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

So good to be back together.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

I know, it's been a hot minute, hasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

Um so awesome. I'm excited about uh this podcast because I've been uh busting him up for probably the better part of three or four months and trying to get this scheduled, but in all seriousness, he's super busy. He lives on the other side of the country, and um he does a lot a lot of things and wears many hats. So um Ryan Light is uh not only a good friend, he was a neighbor of mine when we lived up in Washington. And uh today's podcast is gonna be a little different because um Ryan has um I've been able to watch him for the last 10 years build uh what I call a movement, and he's got a significant platform in um helping discuss uh and talk with people and uh provide resources with those dealing with anxiety, and I'm sure there's more to that. Um but just to give you an idea of how big his following is, I mean, he's got 650,000 or more followers just on Instagram, which tells you that his voice is being heard and there is um there's definitely a um a need for that. So um Ryan, without further ado, uh welcome to the show, my friend.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

Well, I appreciate you having me. Thanks so much. Um and to your point, yeah, it took me uh took me some time to build up that that uh that platform. Um and I I roughly I just did my numbers, I roughly have probably on my website across all social domains, I probably get two to three million people seeing me every month, um, which is a which is a blessing uh in disguise, but often can be a curse as well, because uh to your point I I am pretty busy in what I'm doing. Um deal with you know folks with anxiety, depression, um, traumas, those types of things. So I appreciate you having me.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Yeah, man, this is awesome. Um so like where where did this where did this come from? And when I say this, the whole idea of the focus on anxiety and depression and helping people with trauma.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Yeah, so interesting enough, you kind of knew me back in the in the thick of my struggle. I uh, you know, I'm 30 years into the struggle, 20 of those years unhealthy coping mechanisms, 10 plus years healthy coping mechanisms. And um I'm I'm not sure if you knew this or not. I think you I think you I think I've since I've told you, but back in 2011, right before we moved to Atlanta, I was contemplating suicide. And if you remember back then I started to, I started this kind of running thing, right? I was kind of needed a way for me to kind of deal with stress. I was working at Microsoft at the time. Um marriage was struggling, um, had four young kids, just life was coming at me, and I started to run. And that really it didn't fix the issues, right? It c it just helped me kind of have some thought processes and thinking thinking processes and kind of you know work through some internal stuff that I was battling with on my long run. So I started with the running aspect of it, um, and I from a social media perspective, I just started kind of posting, you know, running and how I was dealing with mental health issues and those types of things. And from that, it kind of morphed into this life coaching kind of thing, right? So I saw a gap between folks that were struggling with their mental health, but not really getting help, not really doing anything about it, so to say. And so I saw kind of this gap between those two. I got my certification on life coaching, and then I niched into more of the anxiety and more of the mental health uh depression aspects of it. And from there I started kind of really kind of diving into and understanding the the nuances and the deeper seated issues that I find a lot of times, which is mostly unhealed and unprocessed traumas. Um so that's that's my focus now. My focus is really on helping individuals overcome what I call the manifestations of anxiety and depression uh and other issues and other labels and those types of things, or dealing with the real issues around what I call core wounds that a lot of us carry. Um of us just deal with it, some of us don't, um, but they but they tend to manifest themselves in actually relationships. So I've become like this life coach mental health relationship kind of thing. So I'm kind of in that in that niche, so to say. Well, you know what, Dr. Laura, she uh she made a couple of statements back in the in the 90s that um that helped me in the in the 2000s of my marriage. So yeah, I guess you could say that maybe mixed with a little bit of a sprinkle of Dr. Phil, I guess. Um, you know, I I want to make sure that you know people know that I'm not a therapist. I don't claim to be a therapist, I don't want to be a therapist. Um, I don't work on diagnoses and diagnosing people. I work on deeper city feelings and issues that people have that they're unaware of, right? They're unaware of traumas and life experiences and childhood stuff that has has kind of formulated their beliefs and how, and those beliefs are are basically how they're acting and interacting and actually attracting in their relationships. So I really focus on that.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

I love that. Uh Ryan, how did it like how do you end up going becoming a platform that is bigger than you? Like what was that transition that could because you're going through this, you're you're living these challenges, and I think there's a lot of power in people having outward conversations because it takes it removes a lot of shame and taboo around things. But how did you end up becoming a a platform outside of you?

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Yeah, so so I um as Mike could tell you, I I am I'm an open kind of person, right? So I'm I kind of wear my heart on my sleeve. And people are people are are they want realness, right? They want connection. They they fake themselves out with communication, believing that's connection, but people really want connection. And connection tends to be an element of of realness. And so I was just I was sharing, you know, my marriage issues and my struggles with mental health and and these things that were coming up in my life. And I was just I was just real in what I was presenting, and in that realness, people are attracted to their realness, right? People are looking for connection, and because of that, I started to grow. Um, and really I started, you know, with one follower, basically. Um, and I think that people there is another misnomer on the on, you know, especially from a social media perspective, where we think that it takes work, right? It takes effort, it takes work, it takes being real, it takes seeing results, it takes not seeing results, it takes you know more time than than often we have. And so I think that that was the that was the the the the catalyst of me kind of growing the way I grew was really being authentic and being real with folks connecting through my content, right? So um, and through that, that kind of built this this kind of platform um or to Mike's point movement where I'm kind of niched into kind of my space, right? People kind of know who I am in my space, um, which has now allowed me to work from I mean I work from people from literally Iran to Israel to Australia to Utah to Georgia, right? So it allows me to kind of expand my horizons, um, and I work with all different cultures, all different religions, all different sects, all different orientations, um, which is which is again it's it's it's a it's a blessing big time. So um and I also it all started with one one post, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

That's kind of amazing. So it's truly just organically grown.

SPEAKER_03 8:24

Yeah, 100% organic. I don't I did no ads, I did, I did nothing. I never ran one ad.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Well, and I think, okay, so I think this is this is something really to highlight because there are those of us that are trying to grow our brands or our business or both um with intentionality because of what it's going to give us. And Ryan, I I get I get the sense that yours was like the complete opposite. You didn't run ads, as you just said, and you were helping yourself while you were helping others. And I'm sure that is a I'm sure that was a compounding effect, too, where okay, the byproduct is that you're um intentionally wanting to help people because A, it's stuff that you've gone through, but I would also imagine that you're also helping yourself as you're helping people.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

Yeah, exactly. And kind of my mantra is if you if you if you win the heart, you'll win the man, right, or woman, right? So you have to win the heart first. After you win the heart, then then the mind comes, then, then the person will come along. I think lots of times from a business perspective, we we get it wrong, right? You have to provide you have to provide value to people, and when you provide value to people, people will gravitate to that value, right? Now, one of the hardest things I from a from a transaction or from an acquisition perspective, the hardest part for me with people is to get them to spend a dollar. If I can get them to spend a dollar and trust me with a dollar, I can get them to spend a thousand to ten thousand dollars with me. But I have to get them over the hurdle of the dollar. And it takes me a lot of time to get them to spend a dollar, right? So, because I'm working on the heart, right? They gotta trust me. Do I relate? Do they, you know, do they do they get me? Do you know those types of things? Do I get them and those types of things? So if I can, my from an acquisition perspective, again, if I can get them to spend a dollar, they'll spend $10,000, which is quite interesting. It's an interesting dynamic. And if we if we if we provide value, right, and win the heart, you will, you will eventually get the mind, or you eventually get the man, right? You'll get the you'll get that business per se.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

Yeah, I I think the other thing that was in the back of my mind is um, so you get your coaching certificate and you're a certified life coach. And I think this is important to really note because there are, I mean, it doesn't you just go look online. You'll find people that call themselves life coaches, but but they haven't, they have not been through anything themselves. And I I don't want to say that they're not a life coach, because I think maybe maybe that's but I I do think, Ryan, that there is just knowing you, there is something to be said if you're going to be life coaching, to have lived what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Yeah, that's a great point. I think lots of times we and you know, there's that the buzzword nowadays, right, is is coaching and those types of things, right? That's kind of the buzzword. Um, but again, I think that saying something and and proving it through action or through content or through relatability is another thing, right? So again, if you look at my followers, now interesting enough, 90% of the people that follow me are women. Um, I they just they they gravitate to my content. Um and it but you know, and it from that perspective, you know, uh there's a there's you know, it typically is an untrust thing there, right? So to say I'm a I'm a life coach and to actually you know live it or prove it or relate to it is different, right? And really, I don't come at it from a coaching perspective, I come at it from a live perspective, right? I I get you. I always tell people I get you because I was you, and in fact, in many ways, I am still you, right? So uh because of that, it's people want to be, they want again, they're looking for that connection. People are fiending for connection, and we always stimulate ourselves with communication, text messages, doom scrolling, you know, going binge watching, and a lot of that is input that's that's based on communication, not connection, right? So if you get if you can get people to connect with you through content, through whatever you're doing, um they'll the that relatability will draw them in, so to say.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

Yeah, isn't interesting because as you're saying that all I can think is is that saying of uh why would you listen to anyone who hasn't done what you're trying to do? Right? And that the authenticity that comes with the fact that you've been in the journey probably changes everything.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Right. And I and I always I always share with people that my my my pain has become purposeful. Right. As as as I've kind of as I've kind of gone through my pain, it has become purposeful because I've now transferred that pain into you know helping people and those types of things, right? So and and interestingly enough, one of my one of my mantras actually is to have no clients. One of my things. Because if I have no clients, that means everybody is emotionally healthy. Right. So my heart is my heart is in a place where I'm not looking for your dollar, I'm looking for you to be in a better emotionally healthy spot, right? And if you're in a better emotionally healthy spot, then you don't need me. Now the reality of that is that's unreality, right? That's unrealistic. But my my heart is such where I don't wanna, I don't want a bunch of clients, I don't want a bunch of people, right? Because people are on a a a better emotional and healthy spot. And I think that that outlook from a heart perspective makes me more um authentic and real because I'm not, it's not about the money, it's not about the dollar signs for me, right? It's about the value in people changing their lives, just like just like I changed my life, right? So it's not really, I don't really, I don't see acquisition, I don't see numbers. Now granted, there there's money that that's involved in it, there's no doubt, right? I I want to feed the family, I want to uh pay my bills, I want to so the money, there is an aspect of money associated with it, but my heart is really not in gathering a bunch of of clients, so to say. My ultimate goal is not to see people, right? That's my ultimate goal. But that's an unrealistic goal because people are hurting.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Yeah, it it reminds me of what my mentor um still says to this day and said to me day one is uh when you help enough people get what they want, your needs will be met. 100%, yes.

SPEAKER_03 15:27

Get a good mentor.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

Yeah, yeah. And then unfortunately, there will always be people who are dealing with trauma or trying to overcome something, so you can do your very darndest to work yourself out of a job, and you probably never will. Hopefully, hopefully, people will graduate maybe along the way.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

Yeah, exactly. So I'm I'm curious, you know, you having um gone through, worked through um your own um traumas and and anxiety and depression, um, and now that you've been building this movement for over a decade, I think from a from an observation perspective, are there certain um consistencies you're seeing in society today that are like root causes for say anxiety or depression? I mean, and if they're if it if you don't have that, that's fine. I'm just curious, like, because the world is much different than it was when you and I were neighbors.

SPEAKER_03 16:32

Yeah, yeah, 100%, yeah, 100%. And I think that you know what I what I have found prevalent across, again, sex, culture, religion, whatever, is a an element of loneliness. People are very, very lonely. They're lonely in their marriages, they're lonely at their workplaces, they're lonely in their friendships, they're just they they feel empty, they feel and they feel lonely. What's causing that? What are you seeing what's causing that? I uh I from my perspective, it's now loneliness, the feelings of loneliness, they come from the trauma of abandonment and neglect, right? So from an abandonment and neglect perspective, that typically it could be you know from family, it could be from siblings, it could be from you know friends, it could be from peers, it could be whatever that might be, but the the feelings of loneliness come from the trauma of abandonment and neglect. Now, people that struggle with loneliness, what they do in relationships is they tend to do one or two things. They tend to control, hoard, and manipulate relationships. Interesting enough, they call themselves anxious attached, or they run and they hide and they build walls, which is called the love avoided. And so you see these two, they typically fall in love with one another, the anxious attached and the love avoided, typically fall in love with each other, and that's a recipe of of a of what becomes a toxic relationship. And they both struggle with the same thing, right? They're both struggling with feelings of loneliness. They don't even know what they're feeling. They call it this, they call it that, they they call it anxiety, they they they call it everything that's really not, it's really feelings of loneliness. Um, and so what happens in those situations is the people will come to me because they're tip, you know, they they find themselves in these relationships where one's running, one's one's grabbing, one's pushing, one's pulling, um, and it becomes a kind of a toxic situation. And so what I do is I kind of I get them to realize, okay, what what how you're acting is actually from you know the feelings of loneliness that typically come from the trauma of abandonment neglect. So it's really true trauma work actually is not really going into the story, right? Blaming mom and dad and my exes and this and that. It's really not about blaming. Um, it's about validating the the feelings uh that we have, right? The struggles of of the feelings of loneliness and dealing with those feelings. True trauma work doesn't really go into the story of it. That's what keeps people looped. I mean, that was my problem, Mike, right? I was in therapy when I when you and I were neighbors, I was in therapy at that point for close to 20 years. But in my therapy sessions, I would constantly gravitate or constantly talk about mom, dad, my siblings, exes, my wife, kids, my neighbors.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

I was that neighbor, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

You know, you know, the grass is always greener, you know that um literally. Um so, but again, it's the prevalence of loneliness um that I'm finding with people, and and it they disguise it again. That's why I talk about connection, right? People are really feeling they're really they're literally they need connection because they don't have it. Um and loneliness is really it's a state of being. Um, being alone is a state of mind, right? So being alone, you could be alone Friday night, you get your bubble bath, you got your glass of wine, you're good to go, right? Some people get rejazzed, rejuvenated that way. Loneliness is when you're you know in a sea of people and you still feel utterly alone. And what that does is you start to question yourself in those situations around um, you know, why am I like this? Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel disconnected, and why this and why that. And interesting enough, it's high uh uh a side note of this some of my most successful people, my real estate people, my doctors, my lawyers, my singers, my movie stars, my high-achieving business owners, they got the they are the most loneliest people I work with. Because what they do is they focus on the achievement, right? They get they focus on the doing in life because they can't stand or they don't know the being. Yeah. Right? They can't stand, so they so they they disguise it with the overachievers and and then they find you know, they ultimately find out that the that the high of becoming of who they are is really not on what they do. So they just constantly, you know, they constantly are building businesses and but you know, in their their professional life is killing it, but their personal life is a total complete disaster.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Um no, I I I find that fascinating.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

Yeah, I think that strikes a little too close to home.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Yeah, no, no, a hundred percent. No, right, this is like total transparency, man. Like, I'm like, man, you're talking to me in some aspects there. So um I'm curious. Um so we're five years removed from basically being locked down in COVID. Um any do you have any insight or any like from your observations of the people that you work with, talk with? You're much closer to it. Um Any correlation in the last five years to what we went through as a country, being lockdown and all that stuff?

SPEAKER_03 22:07

You know, that's a great question. I think my my busiest time was probably 2022, 23. I was probably having I don't know, maybe five or six sessions every day, including including Saturdays. So I was I was from seven in the morning until nine o'clock at night, um, basically seeing people. And that was I don't know, I don't know if if I the only trend that I really saw at that time from from COVID was people were locked in, locked in, which caused them to have time in their on their hands. And and you know, idleness gives rooms for doubts and fears. And so that idleness that people had, it it caused a lot of introspection, right? A lot of a lot of like, should I be in this marriage? Should I be in this job? Should I should I be doing this? Should I be with this friend? Should I be with this family member? Like, so I think I think that that was the kind of the catalyst for people to kind of really do some some introspection because we were so locked down that made them question, you know, their their life choices and their realities later on in life. So that's why I was kind of the busiest in 22 and 23 coming out of COVID. I really didn't have any people I was working with at that time that I can remember that was like COVID totally destroyed me, and and like, you know, they just kind of they had a lot of introspection time, right? They had a lot of time on their hands to introspect and question their life by choices, which then brings them into because once you get clarity in life, you you start to see things for what they are rather than what you want them to be, and you quit falling in love with the hope, you see the reality, and then you question, okay, should I be in this marriage, should I be in this situation, should I be in this job, should I be in this friend? So I think that's what happened. That was the callous. So to answer your question, COVID just brought around, I think it brought a lot of idleness in people's lives, which made them question their realities in life, their their choices in life. And that question had them figuring out okay, what do I do and how do I feel, and those types of things.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

I'll tell you what I was questioning during COVID. Why the hell am I homeschooling? Because I'm I'm shetty. I think we were all like that actually.

SPEAKER_03 24:31

Worst 18 months of my life. Which, well, you know, down down in the south down here, but I remember being in um oh boy, my I remember so it was so January is when it really kicked in 2020. Yeah. Um, I remember being in a restaurant in my little small country hic town up here in Bulgrane, Georgia, in April, and it was packed by people out, you know, you're not gonna tell me what to do, and I'm gonna go out, and you know, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. And so just it was quite interesting. But then, you know, you go to California or you go to Seattle, and people lock down for another five years. So it's just quite interesting.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

Oh my gosh. Super funny. Well, I think every everybody there wasn't room for busyness, but I don't I don't know. I think, and I wonder if this plays into that because you said 2022, right? So 2020 and 2021 were our lockdown periods. Yep. You said 2022 is so busy. Yeah. Is it because I mean I it's gonna be very unpopular to say, but I'm gonna say it. Part of me misses that that time period because I had time to go for a walk and hang out with my kids. Like I actually, once I got out of the busyness, didn't want to go back to busy.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

Yeah, well, once I got done being a teacher for four hours, like the rest of the day was handy.

SPEAKER_03 25:54

It's hard bouncing from principal to dad to dean to husband to, you know.

SPEAKER_02 26:00

Well, here's the deal. My kids knew that we started at eight o'clock, we had recess at 10, and we were done by noon because I needed to go run my business, which yeah, we all had our but but seriously, right? Like, I mean, to your point, Mandy, I don't know if that's unpopular because there was um the connection time I had with Mindy or the kids or some very close friends that you know that was awesome.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Yeah. I like there is part of me that you know, I look at my calendar now and we and I and and to your point, I feel like we've gone back to this where we're really busy, we're around a lot of people, and it's actually much lonelier.

SPEAKER_03 26:39

Yeah, actually, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Right? Like I actually I look at my calendar now and just cringe because there's so many things.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

Yeah, yeah. Um, this is good stuff. Anything I I mean, Ryan, this is this is one of those, uh, again, for the just the sake, we we always like to keep these tidy. Um I think we could probably do another episode six months down the road and probably continue this conversation because um what you're doing is um it's profound. And like just seeing from my perspective the work that and the connections I'm seeing you make, and again, I'm other side of the country, I think there's there's a significant need for that.

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Well, and I I I hate to say this, but Ryan, when you talk about people like overachievers, right? Running from the internal items, right? If we if we just go achieve and like I think that's gotta be like 90% of entrepreneurs, right? We're all such high drivers.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

Yep, yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

I like it it absolutely aligns with our world and the thing that we're trying to bring to light.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:51

Yeah, I mean, and it's a and go ahead, Mike.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

I was just gonna say, I mean, if you think about the business owners that we know, and Ryan, I would just introspectively ask the business owners or entrepreneurs you know, um, like there's probably a lot of the stuff that you discussed here, there's probably a lot of that going on, because I know there is with me.

SPEAKER_01 28:09

Yep. Yeah, I would I would argue that that is probably you probably when I said while this hits close to home, yep. I think any entrepreneur listening to this is like, oh crap, I feel sane right now.

unknown 28:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:24

Welcome. Yeah, yeah. You're welcome. I get you because I was you. Um in fact, many ways still you. And again, to your point, I think that a lot of times my my high achievers, they they struggle the most, right? Because the the professional lives are they're killing it, uh, but their personal lives are just hurting. Um yeah, it's it's just you know, and I think lots of lots of times it's again, predominantly the people I work with are women. Um 90% of them are women. Um, and so a lot a lot of high achieving women, you know, they there's an element of of sadness associated with them because they are CEOs and real estate agents and high achievers and business owners, and so they're killing it, absolutely killing it, but then they come home and they're completely lonely. Um that doesn't mean like that doesn't mean men don't have that either, but just that the majority of people I work with are women.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

Um it maybe just be the men aren't seeing it yet.

SPEAKER_03 29:23

Yeah, 100% because when interesting enough, with men, uh my clients that my clients from a men perspective, that there's a little bit of difference between the the work, right? So for when when when I work with a with a man high achiever, he he gets it. As soon as he gets it, he we get solution orientated, right? I don't know what it is about us. We just get okay, point A to point B, give me the give me the drops, give me what I need, and let me do the work. Women, I gotta, you know, women, women wanna they I gotta get them to trust me. I gotta get them to to realize that I get them. I'm not out to hurt them, I'm not trying to, you know, bamboozle them or lie to them. So there is a little bit of difference there, but you also have to remember that you know, a lot of folks that come to me are are that they're at their breaking point, right? And that's the unfortunate piece about this, is they're at their breaking point. So a lot of them are are hurting. Um and so that's again, and and because they've been hurt in situations and relationships and those types of things.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

Yeah, interesting. Yeah, we might we might have to do a whole podcast just about like as an entrepreneur. Like, how do you see the signs and what are some of the tools?

SPEAKER_02 30:32

And yeah, you'd be down with that, right, Ryan? Okay. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, if you'd be as well.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Yeah, I'd love to come back and have that discussion. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 30:40

So um as we're wrapping up here, I want, you know, most of our most of us that are in a own a business, running a business, like we've we've hit certain roadblocks or had certain experiences that have um we've learned the most from or or that have really propelled us. Um I I'm curious from from your perspective, um really leading this movement, has there been a a situation or an event that has been you know that for you?

SPEAKER_03 31:12

Uh I it's a good question. I think um I don't know if I had a a one event, so to say. Um it was a probably uh just a accumulation of of events that caused me to kind of have these aha moments where when I talked about the shift that I that I made around the dollar signs and those types of things, and when I realized that sometimes I because I was dealing with some compat what's called compassion fatigue, where if I had to listen to Mike one more one more time, I'm gonna just lose it, right? So that compassion I I recognize that compassion fatigue in me with seeing too many people, where I became more, I got more around the the dollar signs than the helping, right? And so what I did is I I became and then I became ill-effective, right? I wasn't really real. I was kind of just I was listening to well, I was hearing to say something, not listening to help. Um, and that was a combination of and of accumulation of just seeing too many people. So I made a decision that, and interesting enough, when I saw less people, I made more money. Interesting enough. Um I guess because it's about quality.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

But you probably made more impact, right?

SPEAKER_03 32:29

Yeah, exactly. It was because it was about the quality, not the quantity, right? Yeah, so so I and I went through that, I went through that phase, right, early in in my infancy, um, because I started to make some more money. Um I went through that kind of phase where I'm like, wait a second, people and people started to see that. People, I lost some clients, right? I lost some people that I was working with. They kind of saw that I was I was listening to respond and not to help. Um, so that was kind of a pivotal point for me.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

Listening to respond and not to help. Yeah. Hashtag that. Yeah. Uh no, seriously. Um okay. So um the other thing that we always ask every guest, um, because most of our listeners, people who are building businesses, they're avid readers or content consumers. Um is there a book that you've read or or something that you've consumed that's you know, like stuck with you maybe or stood out a little bit more than maybe something else?

SPEAKER_03 33:29

Yeah, there's a book, um, especially if you're if you are struggling in your relationships, um, whether intimate, co-working, friend family, friendships, whatever. It's called Whole Again by Jackson McKenzie. Outrageously good book. I have everybody I work with, I don't care what they're dealing with, what they're struggling with, they read that book first. Um, it's called Whole Again by Jackson McKenzie, and it talks about core wounds and working through what's called core wounds. Um outrageously good book.

SPEAKER_02 33:59

Yeah, I think Manny's ordering it right now. Or I'm adding it to the list. Yeah. Um, okay, thank you for that. Um, yeah, and this is, I mean, the fact that you have everybody that you work with read that. Um, I think it says a couple of things because um one, it tells me that it has had that impact on you, too. Um I think you probably get a sense with the people that you're working with how how invested they are if they're like, yeah, I'm just gonna do whatever, you know, and I'm gonna read it because you know he's suggesting it, and you know, he's a coach, so I should do it. Right. Yeah. Um, okay, where can people find you? Because uh that by the way, this is this is a different um podcast than we've done. We've had maybe one others that was you know got into some deep things.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

Um but I know that this is gonna really land and and hit uh some chords with some people. So where would you like them to find you?

SPEAKER_03 34:58

Um you can find me on every social media channel at beatanxiety.me. Um you can go to my website at beatanxiety.me as well.

SPEAKER_02 35:07

All right. All right. Well, um go follow Ryan because um I've had the privilege of knowing him for a long time, but being seeing the impact he's had and the people that he's touching, um just go go look at it. And if you're struggling, um you need some help, uh Ryan would be a great person to reach out to. Yeah, I appreciate that. Thank you. All right. Um thanks again for coming on. We are definitely doing this again. Yeah, absolutely. And uh guys, uh, if you found some value in today's show, please share it.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Uh like it, share it.

SPEAKER_02 35:44

Yeah, follow us, whatever. I mean, this is how we grow the program. And especially with today's episode, if you know somebody out there that could um that you feel like would resonate with this, uh share this. It'll go a long way. All right. Ryan, you're the man. I appreciate you. Um I'll be in touch.

SPEAKER_03 36:00

All right, bud. It was good to have to see you. Thanks, man. Nice talking to you guys. All right, bye.