Learn how to trust yourself and build the life that you want.

In this episode Lou talks to the founder of Holymama Claudia Spahr who is a feminine business and retreats mentor and she has led over 150 retreats all over the world.Claudia left her media career where she was a broadcast journalist for CNN, BBC and Swiss National TV to create the business and life that she desired.

In today's show I will be discussing with Claudia in real terms what feminine empowerment and leadership really looks like and Claudia talks about how she faced adversity and managed to successfully build a world leading retreat business.

A deep conversation about balancing your nervous system and stepping into the unknown , and trusting your bigger vision. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Luke Kylie Show, where empowerment meets transformation. Luke Kiley is a spiritually aligned therapist, a social worker with 20 years of experience, a certified hypnotherapist, a couples life coach, a manifestation expert, a yoga teacher, and a proud mother and entrepreneur. After overcoming personal struggles including nearly facing homelessness, escaping a controlling relationship, and becoming a single parent to teenagers, Lou found healing with a powerful combination of therapy and manifestation. Now she's dedicated to helping thousands of people create a life they desire using her signature Empowered Pathways. With two decades of experience, Lou blends therapy, hypnotherapy, and manifestation to show you that anything is possible when you reconnect with your inner power. Get ready to tap into your full potential because transformation starts right here.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Today I welcome to the show the founder of Holy Mama, Claudia Spa, a pioneering matrifocal wellness movement spanning 20 plus countries, a former international broadcast journalist for CNN, BBC, and Swiss National Television. Claudia now mentors women in leadership, visibility, and feminine business growth, supporting leaders to become unmistakable in their presence and power. So welcome, Claudia, today. It's great to have you here. And I wondered if we could start with, you know, the reason that you got involved in retreats and feminine leadership.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

Yes, thank you, Louise. Thanks for inviting me on the show. So this is always the question, right? How do we even start on our path? And I feel there are always many initiations, and sometimes it really is a case of that door closed, so I've got to find one that I fit in. And especially as women, we are really masters at reinventing ourselves, and motherhood, of course, being one of the classic of how women rebirth themselves when they become mothers. So I think if I look back on my life, I've had many different chapters to it. And the great thing about being older now is being able to look back on all the different chapters and see the golden thread and how it all fits together. So I didn't go out saying, Oh, I want to host retreats. This is my big passion. It really found me because I went to Asia on a kind of soul-searching mission after I lost my TV job. And when I say lost my TV job, it was a real, it was just a classic case of shafting, new management. I was at the time, this wasn't even that long ago, but the politics were very anti anti-woman. This was in Switzerland, and and I I was just pushed out of this very, very high-profile foreign correspondent job where I was in London reporting for uh Swiss television. So I kind of went, well, I could get another media job, but do I really want that? The politics aren't going to be any different. And sometimes I refer to that moment as the moment I was kicked out of patriarchy, and I just went, okay, I gotta find my own way. And that took me to Asia, uh, led me to yoga. I never became a yoga teacher because I didn't feel like I wanted to teach yoga, but I started up a business. Um, the first business I started with retreats was actually back in 2008 when I had a 10-week-old baby, and with his father, we went out to India on a crazy adventure to build the speech resort. And all we had was a couple of thousand euros, which was the remainder of the severance pay that I had from the TV. And just some vision ideas. We had a website that we'd built, and through the website we got on the first bookings, so people were actually buying a retreat in a place that wasn't even built yet. I mean, we were totally audacious and crazy, but it worked. And then much later, I mean, not that much later, but when I started Holy Mama, that was in um 2013 when I was pregnant with my third child, all in my 40s, by the way, for anyone listening to this. And if you're ever told that you're too old or too this or to that, you know, I I feel like I this is this pioneering streak that I have is all about really widening the perspective for people. Like you've been told you're supposed to fit in that box. Well, maybe that box isn't meant for you. Maybe you're supposed to create your own world. So, yeah, that's kind of to wrap up that first answer. I would say sometimes life put points you in a direction you don't know where it's going to lead lead you, but it's very important to follow your intuition and and keep keep keep going and keep believing in you in what you've got to offer.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Thanks, Claudia. Yeah, I I mean I can imagine that was, you know, a great um leap of faith for you to do when you know you didn't, you know, you said that you just believed in this so much that you know you didn't even have the place built or whatever. And I wondered what sort of challenges came in terms of, you know, if we're thinking about your um some of the emotional or psychological barriers sometimes that people face when you know it's a new identity, isn't it? When they leave something and they leave a job or they or they become something else. What were the challenges that you had to really sort of wrestle with, really? Or did you have to wrestle with anything in your own minds about, you know, is this gonna work, or you know, where am I gonna get that inner inner strength and uh and fire from, really?

SPEAKER_02 6:15

Yes, good question. Uh, I mean, I think this is something that everyone always comes up against, even if you're the most audacious entrepreneur, and and often they say that entrepreneurs actually are used to having a nervous system that is okay with uncertainty because they grew up with uncertainty, or you know, sometimes it's violence in the home, not necessarily a very nice example, but we come to entrepreneurship through different means, and I feel there is something that is very very much. Sorry, there's my kids in the background there. I'm just showing you how real this is. Um, there's something about having the courage to do something. It's a bit like, let me give you an analogy. When you are taking a trip, usually that evening, you know, there's obviously there's the anticipation and all that, but there's always that sense of, oh, it's kind of nice at home and cozy. And I don't know if I want to make this big change, especially if it's something that you anticipating is gonna really be a big change in your life. And humans are creatures of comfort, and we see that with everything, with the big changes going on in the world and like the fact that the environment, we we all kind of need to be thinking differently. For change to happen, often there has to be a disruption first. So, in the example I gave you of where I was kicked out of the TV, I probably would have stayed in that job, even though I wasn't-I mean, I loved the medium of television, but I didn't like the politics. And it was a daily struggle, but we get used to struggle, right? And this is why people stay in relationships that aren't healthy, this is why people stay in jobs that they don't enjoy, because moving out of the comfort zone, there's so much fear around it, and usually the fear of change is bigger than actually what happens when you go through this change. So, I mean, the only thing I could really say is for anyone who's like, well, I have these dreams, but I haven't actually taken action on them yet. Because maybe everything in your life is like, it's okay, but you know that there's more. So taking small steps can sometimes be like dipping your toes in the water to see how it is, because you know, not everyone is necessarily ready to jump over the edge of the cliff, and sometimes you're pushed. I mean, in many cases in my life, I've literally been pushed, um, including a question that will probably come up with that you want to ask about, you know, li the divorce and separation and all those issues that many people today go through.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yes, I I mean I think it's it's one of those things, isn't it, where, like you said, there's an element that maybe that's there already in your personality in terms of you know wanting something more or or being able to see like that greater vision of something. But actually, like you said, Claudia, you know, actually sometimes that we we stay in safety, you know, we don't want to make that huge jump. And and certainly, you know, we talk to people, don't we, about kind of making those small changes before you make the big change, but sometimes we're given no choice, are we, really? You know, it's all part of kind of different stages and phases of our life, really. And and sometimes we're almost forced into you know having to um let go of everything, really. You know, it's a it's a it's a death of of part of us, and and sometimes that can be really difficult, can't it, to let go of that bit of us that we're holding on to? Um, even if it is actually very, very painful. I wondered how did you sort of you mentioned about separation and divorce as well, and obviously I've been through separation and divorce myself, and you know, it's a big identity shift, isn't there, when that happens, and it can be really hard to adapt to. So, how did you take your own sort of lived experiences really and create your own sense of personal power? You know, you when we think about energy and like shifting energy and how we use our own energy, how were you able to do that, do you think?

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Okay, yeah. Uh, I mean, there's a few things you brought up here. One is the comfort zone piece, and I feel like when we are changing, it's not like we're leaving, and this kind of fits with the identity piece you ask. It's not as radical as we leave everything previous behind us, and we become a totally new person. But we always bring parts of us with us. You could see it also as like um kind, you know, people talk about timeline shifts, but it it's like you are seeing life from a different perspective. So you'll bring that version of you that faced the hardship, let's say, and at first there is pain. We all go, we we go through pain, that's unavoidable. The suffering at some point becomes more of a choice, and I feel this is one of those discussions when it comes to you know, how are we evolving as humans? And I feel one of those aspects is we have a much higher perspective and are we're more aware and conscious, so that we understand that the process of suffering and trauma does not last forever. And there's always this kind of like a portal we go through, an eye of a needle type situation, which feels really uncomfortable, like a birth as well. We're gonna we go through a birth canal, whether it's this you know, sometimes it can be really a collective one, like if we look at what's going on on the planet right now, and probably for the next years, this is not this is going to be a time where many people are questioning everything. But we know from transformational work, which of course you're very familiar with as well, is that once we have broken through, there it there is always a resolution, and how long it's gonna take, that's the part we don't know. So to try and sum up and answer the other part of your question with separation, so both with losing the the job and being, I mean, I was literally also kicked out of the marriage and kicked out of the house with three young children. Um, I mean, the children weren't kicked out of the house, I was kicked out of the house. And there was definitely a moment of disbelief in both the incidents where it's like this is not you, it's so surreal. You're literally like looking down at your body going, why did this happen? And I'm not, I'm not, you know, what did I do to deserve this? Or how do I get through this? And then, I mean, it's kind of a a saying people use a lot, but time heals wounds. It's I do feel it, it just takes integration time. And you come to a point, and even when you feel at the beginning this is happening for me, which I did in the in the moment of the separation, I I knew that there was going to be a silver lining in it, or uh there was gonna be a gift. Uh, all shadow work is all about transforming the the shadow into gold, right? So even though you know that, like your your higher self is telling you uh another example would be when when you're going through a health crisis, right? Your higher self is telling you this is this, you're gonna get through this, and there is a higher meaning to this, and you're gonna be able to support other people when they go through it, but in the moment of you going through it, you're still going through the pain. And it it does, and it it does help a little bit, you could say, because you know there's gonna be a way through, but it's not gonna be able to take away the time it takes to gain that wisdom from the experience, because that's the whole point of life, right? If we just got a manual at the beginning of our lives and it and it said, Well, when this happens, you've just got to do this, okay. That's easy, I'll do that. That it would that wouldn't be the point. We wouldn't grow and we wouldn't learn and we wouldn't evolve. So, you know, well, the it's always the this alchemy of turning the poison into medicine, and everybody has to figure this out for themselves, and this is where this uniqueness comes in. We can be inspiring to others, but at the end of the day, every single person has to find their own way through through their life and through their challenges.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Yeah, exactly. And I and I really resonate with what you're saying there, Claudia, about that kind of point where it's you know, having gone through a divorce myself and sort of quite controlling behaviour in the relationship, and you know, the the worry about kind of losing the foundations of who you who you are really, and I think it's a long, long process to go through, you know. But I think there's something about like you there was something you said there about the time that it takes and the processing bit. I I was wondering, do you think um at the moment, you know, with social media, and I always talk about this because I see a lot of this on social, is around the expectation that clients, women, people should um be have be able to kind of get through it really quickly, you know, it's like that instant kind of fix, and there's something about sitting, you know, without kind of staying stuck, because that's a different thing, but there's something about really feeling those emotions and like working through those emotions and kind of like processing them. And you know, I don't know if you found this, but what's your thoughts on the kind of you know, expectations and also even with like AI and Chat GBT, there's those kind of instant like fixes at the moment, and I feel like people are kind of looking for that instant fix, but there's something about actually properly grieving the loss and processing it, and you know, although that's very can be incredibly painful at the time when you're going through that, and you know, it's it's very stressful on the nervous system, and it's very stressful all around, really. It's finding the new norm, isn't it? It's finding the new you. But to go back to my question, um what's your kind of thoughts around these kind of quick fix um kind of expectations, really?

SPEAKER_02 17:39

Yes. I mean, they're a bit like numbing. Uh so some people would, you know, numb with alcohol, drugs, I mean any kind of addiction. And it it's it's this thing of when when you're not, you know, not everybody is willing to do the deeper work because it's usually out of fear because they're afraid that it's going to be too painful when actually what they're doing is they're prolonging the pain because there are no quick fixes. And and you mentioned AI and and yeah, and social media. I mean, you know, like it's like with everything, there are there's a there's there are different sides to it, or two sides to it if you want to polarize it. With AI, I know a lot of people are using AI now as a therapist, which is kind of insane because the whole thing, what you actually need is another human's presence. And to sit with another human, that doesn't mean talking therapy always. In fact, most of the therapy that we now need is bodywork. It's uh going into the cellular memory, the tissue, the fascia, and releasing that and we know we've come up against a wall with talking therapy, so it's kind of ironic that the evolution of uh of you know where we're going with AI is that people will just sit and talk to chat GDP when actually what they need is human touch. So, you know, on that that on one hand is no that that quick fix is just going, is taking you down a a very, I would say uh uh it this is where we get into these loops. I mean, it the language of trauma trauma loops is uh I I've I don't know if you've heard this as well, that that we can actually stay in these cycles of healing which don't get us out. And and I think that's what you meant with staying stuck, and that can feel then like, well, we're doing something because we're talking to Chat GDP about it, but it's not actually moving, it's not moving you into the depth you need to go through. And and you also mentioned the grief, and there are we know there are different stages to grief, and you can't really speed it up, it just takes the time it has to take for you to process. And and I remember this was years ago when I read this um stat that however long the relationship was, there's a certain percentage of the time that it's going to take. And what I decided very consciously um uh four years ago was when I realized even though I'd been separated for four years, and and you mentioned controlling relationship, I think a lot of healers and women who are here to really be of very high service in this time in the world have a history of being with or having or have a parent or someone in the family, but often in relationships where they're being controlled because they are by nature super empaths, and also because the I mean you from a spiritual perspective, you could say because of the energy and the light that they bring, they're going to be it's a bit like it's a parasitic energy that's holding, that's taking you out. So, you know, sometimes they talk, and I'm gonna go woo-on you for a moment, but this spiritual warfare and a war on consciousness, like everything, sometimes I I really feel everything here is kind of like a manifestation of our uh we're just thinking this up, it's like a video game. So, you know, does everything really exist? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe this is all our imagination. Does it help me pay the rent? No, not at all, because I've still got to be in 3D. So in terms of the being present with pain or being present with emotion, I feel this is really how humans are now going to evolve. Because especially if we look at a lot of young kids, um, and obviously there's a lot of neurodiversity now, there's like so much that is happening simultaneously, but uh emotional intelligence is. Much higher now than it was 20 years ago. We've come so far in psychology, in all of the different modalities, from breath work to yoga to Tantra to I mean, you just literally this time is we have all of the tools that we need. And this is where everyone has to go on their own journey of putting together the recipe that is going to be perfect for them. So for example, for me, I love movement and dance. And so yeah, so just to to uh so I don't because I closed the loop four years ago. I decided I I need to be celibate, consciously celibate, because I don't want to go into another relationship as a distraction from the fact that I actually need to love and honour and value myself. And now I'm in a very different position and I attract a very different type of man in by being by I've totally raised my standards. I mean, it's like I was if I look at the younger me, and this is where we can go, okay, so what am I bringing with me? I'm definitely bringing with me the open heart and the kindness and the the empathy, but empathy without boundaries and without a healthy masculine is actually becomes manipulative too. And so there's this codependency then that happens. Um so yeah, I could go down a rabbit hole with this, but I won't.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

I love that, excuse me. I love that. I think that is, you know, it's so interesting when you think about the whole kind of spiritual side of it as well, and this kind of um collective consciousness and like the vibration, and you know, you mentioned about everybody, you know, that there's more emotional um awareness now, and there's so many things that people can access, actually, which is really positive to help them. And I was wondering about some of you know, the clients I was thinking about some of the clients that I see, and and perhaps women that you see, and then obviously thinking about ourselves as well in this, in terms of you know, how we learn as women to kind of give ourselves self-compassion. And a lot of women, you know, that I work with are you know, they could be, you know, really um high achieving or or whatever it is, whatever it is, in terms of like what you think success might look like, but actually really, really struggle with giving themselves that self-love, giving themselves that self-compassion that you know you you were talking about there. And I think that's also important when we think about the relationships that we go into as well, because it's a massive factor in you know how we feel about ourselves and the relationship with ourselves really sort of in a way dictates but also attracts the um you know certain types of um partners or whatever. So I think it's really important to think about that that bit about how can I really work on myself, but also how can I give myself that self-compassion, and I think that's really hard sometimes for women, even you know, when I work with quite young women as well, and you know, it's really difficult for women even now with all the different kinds of resources and things to still feel um like they've got a strong sense of self-worth and self-love. I wondered what what would you tell yourself, Claudia, as your if you were looking at your 18-year-old self, what sort of advice would you give her around this, do you think?

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Hmm, it's interesting you mentioned younger people because it I didn't, yeah, I I see that for many young adults or young teenage you know, older teenagers, just young young people, the world has become very complex. And this whole self-worth theme, whether you're a a a man or a woman, just the social media going online, the constant heads in the phone. So if I would give my younger 18-year-old self advice, I would I'm just so grateful I didn't grow up in that world. I didn't have a phone until I was 30, and that and that wasn't a smartphone, it was one of those push, push-thingy phones. So, I mean, when when you are a woman, because I can only really speak to that lens. I mean, I have sons, but um I've never been a man, at least not not in this lifetime. So I think for women, it's very important that we have the initiations and the um milestones as rituals which we have not had in our culture and our society. So I feel a lot of that is very missing. Uh, so this whole maiden, maiden to not just maiden to mother, but the the woman when she comes of age, like the first moon, all of these really important rites of passage, I feel that would give women a much stronger sense of of worth, identity, value. It's this disconnection from the body, I think, which is the biggest problem. And of course, we've had that going on for thousands of years, and and definitely in our Western culture. So that's a big problem, just this being up in our head in the mind, very you could say it's even a very um intellectual masculine paradigm, which has disconnected us all from our bodies and each other. And this is where I feel women really need to lead because we are just by nature more connected to the cycles of the cosmos. So we have lunar cycles. I mean, men are more solar, they have their hormones up and down once a day, and we even when we pass the the lunation, lunation, I don't know if it's called that, but the the the period of having periods, we are still I was actually just noticing it today because as we record this as equinox, and and I sent a message to a man, and I reminded him that it I just said, you know, this is uh spring is coming. And it's like women, we need to remind, because the men, okay, if let's give another example in Celtic culture and Viking culture, and in our more uh shamanic roots in every every culture on the on the earth has those roots, we would be connected to the seasons and the cycles and the and the earth. But because we're not, I feel that is where the disconnect has happened. So what I would say to an 18-year-old is find a way to really to find that connection with your own body and not through numbing, not through, and a lot of a lot of people that age, they they go out partying, they take drugs, they they're they're like trying to reach some kind of altered state when actually the the most profound cosmic experience they could have would be if they went into themselves. And this is this thing of we we wanna, and even in the spiritual community, it's like ascend, ascend, ascend. No, you need to bring, you need to root down, and rooting down has of course a lot of this um ancestral clearing and ancestral um healing work, but also um it is this root sacral, like becoming very aware of your own power. And I use human design as a system as well as astrology and jinkies and a lot of these systems, and the whole message really behind human design is every single person needs to know what their inner authority is, and it's never coming from the head, even if you're a not self-projector, it's still coming through vibration and through your body, and that's how you then come up with the decision. So, so yeah, I would say younger self, um, just be able to now we've got all these tools. Um yeah, I mean, human design's a great example, not everyone's gonna be open to that, but try and look for answers at a deeper level, not just scrolling on social media.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Yeah, and it's interesting, isn't it? Because I having scrolled on social media myself, um that actually some of the things that are becoming more popular on social media are people that are doing these posts actually in nature, in terms of you know, young people going to places and talking about, you know, their joy and their sheer joy of being in nature. So, you know, it could be a park or it could be uh a nature reserve or it could be just a you know outstanding place of beauty or something in in the UK or wherever, but they are they're you know, and people are obviously connecting to that. So that's an interesting um juxtaposition there as well, isn't it? Really, in terms of because I think people do want more of that, and and often I will say to clients, you know, about rooting, um, you know, in psychotherapy and therapy, we've we've talked for years as well about that kind of um rooting, but it's interesting you also talk about somatically and spiritually connecting back to the body, connecting back to the seasons, and I think that's really been lost. And I think even as a therapist myself, you know, I'm starting to bring much more um spiritual elements into not religion, but spiritual elements into um therapy, and of course, you know, we have to be mindful about well, particularly in therapy about, you know, is somebody open to that perspective? Because obviously we're not necessarily leading, but often I often receive really good feedback because that's what people want. You know, they want that deeper, like you explained, that deeper connection, and they also want to make sense of it. You know, I think in the world sometimes that we live, this there is so much technology and it's in, you know, it's growing so quickly in such a short period of time that it's really overwhelming to people. And you know, even if we think, like you said, about neurodivergence and the high referral rates of you know, autism and ADHD, and and also I think people just feel very, you know, younger people as well feel very overwhelmed. So I think, you know, definitely connecting back to themselves is is really important. Um, and I've always advocated for like mindfulness and mindfulness in schools and meditation and things like that. So I think that is is really important. I'm gonna move on now, Claudia, and I'm gonna ask you another question around some of the influences that you've had in terms of women in your own life. So can you tell me one woman perhaps in your life that's been a big influence and you know, really impacted perhaps in in some of your decisions or or the way that you've kind of led your life?

SPEAKER_02 34:05

Yes, and and I'm glad you mentioned nature as well, because that was definitely something that yeah, that I would have um added and interesting that that yes, there there are different trends, but there's definitely the nature 90s, all of this nostalgia around before we had phones. So um, a woman who influenced me. I'm gonna pick my grandmother because my grandmother was I was very close to her when I was growing up, and she was for her time very independent and very interested in the world and travel, and she lost her husband very young and tragically to cancer. So my mum became um uh when she was 10, lost her own father. But my grandmother, I think, was a good example for me of a woman who was really standing on her own two feet. She brought up three young children in the 50s in a time when it was very difficult, you were ostracized for being on your own, the divorce rates practically didn't exist in those times. And she instilled in me this sense of anything is possible. You can be the mother to your children even if you don't have a partner, you can um be happy in your life even when everything's I mean, she loved her husband dearly and it was a massive loss for her. But she, yeah, so I feel she is definitely someone who inspired me. And because I'm the first granddaughter, I'm like the oldest of three, we're three sisters, and I was also the the first and that and the entire generation. I think there was always this special connection to her because I was the firstborn. And yeah, she also bought me when I moved when I had my first flat, she got me all the kitchen equipment, and I still have it to this day. I mean, this is like decades. So yeah, I think that sense of independence, because when as women, we do have, you know, we're we're standing on the shoulders of giants, and sometimes we forget how long, and it's not that long, that women have actually had the I mean, we still don't have equal rights, and you know, don't even get me started on feminism and the salary gap and all of these things. But in a relatively half a half a century, you could say, we've made massive progress. And yeah, so so that uh I know many women who have inspired me, and also you know, famous women, but in terms of like really feeling internally, this this is a woman who has given me courage. Uh, she always encouraged me to travel as well, and to sort of just seek seek uh different options for my life and not just make do with what I was delivered. Um, and when I started off in media, she would listen to every single radio broadcast that I did. So that was a kind of sweet connection. So she was kind of living vicariously through me because at that point she couldn't travel or actually leave her house. So um I feel there's always a special generational uh connection that happens between grandparents and grandchildren. It's not the same as being a parent.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

Yeah, yeah, definitely, definitely. That's really lovely, actually. And I I I just sense that feeling of like you were saying about the generational connection as well. You know, you're you're kind of um you're kind of connected, but it's a different relationship, isn't it, to being to being a parent, like you said. And and I wondered what I was thinking when you were talking there, Claudia, was about also about how important it is to have female um close relationships and I mean what's your I mean obviously your retreats are around kind of women and mothers and and sisterhood. Why is it important to feel connected with other women really and to have that sort of sense of sisterhood really and support?

SPEAKER_02 38:38

Yeah, I mean it's very, very important, and and I'm lucky I've got two sisters I'm very close with, so two blood sisters. But friendship, I mean friendship with other women has gotten me through so much. And I feel this is something that in our culture as well, if it's not like if you go to an Arab country or Africa, you see how the women sit together and the men sit together. And and we kind of think feel in the West we all have to mingle all the time. And and no, actually, it's good for us to be just amongst our sex and amongst other women because we as much as we want to be on the par with men, we're different to men. And we have different conversations, we have different needs. We if you look at two women who haven't seen each other for a while, we can just talk for hours and hours and stare each other in the eye over tea and go really deep. And and that's just one thing that I mean, you know, even a man who's in touch with his feelings, he's still a bloke, right? He's still he's still gonna be a bloke. And I think it's really important for us to highlight our differences because our differences are beautiful and complementary. And uh, this is another the sister wound that has definitely a patriarchal wound. It's a witch, a witch wound, even of being a feeling you can't trust your women who are competitive with you. It's it's also from sometimes office environments where, especially in media, was very toxic uh when it came to a lot of female relationships. So, yeah, very, very important. Um, and I feel we as women, when we get come together, and I've definitely seen this on the retreats like um over and over again, it was practically guaranteed. Um, and with the mothers, of course, especially because they're so isolated in in the modern day reality and in our sort of um for four-head family or two-head family where they they they are on their own. There's no community really. So, what I would see regularly is just after a few days, how the nervous system of these of the of these women would just they would just relax and they would start really supporting each other. And like one mum would look after some of the kids on the trampoline whilst the others all chatted, and she they would just have total trust that the one woman who was looking after the kids had her eyes on the kids. So this is the kind I think we're wired for community, and yes, we've forgotten, but we remember very, very quickly, and this is where uh retreats, and you know, I it's one of the things that I keep coming back to, and I I obviously teach on this, but it it's like we're creating an environment that is actually really close to our human nature and to what we remember, as in we remember it in our cellular memory that that's how we're supposed to live. Now, do we want to live in communes? No, because we've tried that experiment in the 70s and it's not so easy. I think most people were quite happy living on their own. But at the same time, we need the community. So I feel moving forward, maybe we'll find a way to balance the two, and going on retreats regularly is definitely one way to get that sense of you know, humans are actually good. We see a lot of, especially on on again, social media, the news, we're constantly reminded how there's war and and people are people aren't bad. There's just a lot of people with unresolved trauma walking around. Um but yeah, so you know, we're we're kind of heading into new paradigm territory when we're all working on ourselves and we're using art and expression and music and and everyone kind of comes together, and it doesn't have to be a sort of Indian bhajan style, but you know, you've got to find what what you vibe with. Um but it it's just yeah, it's I've kind of gone from sisterhood to community, but I feel that women are leading the way because I feel that we need to yeah, we we just need to share how amazing this is. And you know, I mean women's circles started first, and now we could see everywhere men's circles, and I think it's great. I think it's great that men come together. They they they're also missing the tribe.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

Yeah, and and I think it's it's really like you said, it's that sense of you know, being together, isn't it? You know, we see this also even in, you know, I saw this when I used to work in children's services, you know, like over 10 years ago, where one of the first initiatives was like men in sheds, you know, and this was about um men coming together because loneliness was such a big thing. Men found it really difficult to talk about their emotions and be really connected to themselves and not really sort of know how to do that. So their way of kind of connecting was. Through going to um you know, going to like a garden shed or going to a project and actually making stuff together side by side. So I think designing these spaces, even if they're not necessarily therapeutic spaces, but they kind of are informal therapeutic spaces in that they're doing the kind of unscripted kind of work and really helping those individuals to connect with one another, to work on themselves, but also to feel happier within themselves. So I think that is really, really important. No matter how that space looks like, it's important to have that connection point, isn't it? Really? And we know that loneliness is like one of the biggest um factors uh in illnesses and getting serious illnesses, so it's really important to connect. I just want to take you somewhere else now, Claudia, in terms of thinking about, well, kind of connected, but thinking about your own sense of restoration, restoring, nurturing yourself. I wondered with all the information out there about, you know, you must be doing this for your self-care, you must be doing that, you must be having this perfect kind of self-care routine. I wondered, do you have a morning routine or an evening routine? Or maybe you don't have a routine at all in terms of it, but you maybe you do something different. I wondered if you could talk to the listeners about perhaps what what you do if there is anything that you do to restore.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

Yes. I mean, routine is very seasonal for me. So, for example, the only thing I really do every single day when I get up is I tongue scrape and I make myself a warm water with either apple cider vinegar or lemon, or in the summer it's more of the um Mediterranean salt water that I mix with just um yeah, mineral water. So that's the only thing that I really do as a routine every morning, no matter what season it is. Um, and then in the winter, I mean I I try and do a little bit of exercise every day in the morning. And in I mean, here, you know, I live by the sea, so in the summer swimming is one of my favorite things to do. And I would even do that without having I've gotten into drinking coffee. I always used to be a tea drinker, and now I really love my morning coffee. So I do try, when I say I don't like routines, I'm really trying to get into the routine again of not looking at my phone for the first hour or two. And not I don't actually see clients before 11 or even 12. So I like my mornings very spacious, I like my week very spacious, I have it very clearly structured so that um I have that time, and this kind of goes into this self-care piece, to not be rushed. I I really don't like being rushed, and if you know I've been an entrepreneur, entrepreneur now for so long, the thought of having to be somewhere at a certain time every day would just, I think it would, yeah, it would, it would not not not work very well for me. Um yeah, I you know, different some for some people being an entrepreneur would move them so much out of their comfort zone if they don't know how much money they're gonna have at the end of the month on their bank account. I'm okay with that. I can deal with a lot of uh pressure when it comes to um yeah, when it comes to success, uh money and all of that. Um but when it comes to time freedom, I really need that. So I would say spacious mornings. I do drink a coffee then, I've gotten into writing by hand again, like pen and paper, which you know, journaling, I think some people call it. And um sometimes when I feel inspired, I'll suddenly get a download for some social media post and I'll dictate it into my phone. I do a lot of a lot of writing by dictating. So, you know, great. This is why it's great to have all this tech now. Um AI is not just bad, it's it's actually really useful for AI, it saves us a lot of time. And bedtime ritual, I'm um I'm not a very disciplined person when it comes to going to bed. Uh, I'm a generator, so I should probably just go to bed when I'm tired, and I often push through, and my my my months are very much depending on am I with my children or am I not with my children. When I'm not with my children, there's less, even less routine, and I can often find myself doing stuff until late into the night. Uh, I get creative sometimes at 1 a.m. But ideally, yeah, ideally, we all get at least um eight hours, nine hours sleep, I think they say for women. What I tend to find is if I have one night a week where I get a good solid nine hours, I'm good. And then I'll do another six hours a night. Um, yeah. Um, but yeah, I feel that I just want I need slow mornings. I just want to wanna take it really easy in the morning, stand outside, be yeah, be in nature. I mean, being by the sea is one of my favourite places to be.

SPEAKER_01 49:41

I love that. Yeah, I can I'm also um, I believe, I'm also a generator as well, and some of the things that you were saying there really resonated as well, Claudia, around kind of the um producing things or being more sort of creative in the evening and stuff. I also find that. And you know, often I'll I'll start work because I have sometimes have clients in the evening as well. Um, but I prefer I'm definitely the same. I I'm probably not I've probably shifted over time. I used to be more of a morning person, but I think now I'm more of a um, like you said, a kind of I like to flow in the morning, I don't like to rush, I don't have like to have kind of like you said, loads of places to be. So I like to kind of ease into the morning, so I can definitely identify with that, and you know, being you know, getting a lot of productive ideas sort of later into the evening. We're gonna come to the end now, Claudia, of the um show today. I just wanted to ask one more question. So if there's one thing you could do to change the world, big question, I know, what would it be?

SPEAKER_02 51:01

Um yeah, I really wanted to wait for you to ask this to feel into it because it is a very big question, but I would probably change the way that government funding, I I mean you'd have to change a lot. I would change the way everything is structured in terms of what is done with the taxes and how money is spent to buy weapons, and I would invest it into, I'd like to redirect that all into therapy healing retreats, and and really look at that each individual has very personalized support that is not based on pharma drugs, that is always looking for other alternatives, very holistic approach, very integrative approach. And I think a lot of the problems in the world would be resolved very easily. Like, look look at um, I'll give you an example. There are so many leaders in power that are bullies that actually just didn't get enough love as kids. And if they had somehow along the were at some point on their path been given that opportunity, you know, there are always these stories of these incredible people who have like gone from a crack addict to running, you know, running like motivation circles in prisons, or all of you have so many stories of people who have managed to turn their life around because they were given an opportunity. And I feel that so many youngsters and and it even people who were, you know, you'd have to be a youngster to be given an opportunity. But if we were able to have some kind of framework where it's a bit like, you know, if you if you think about 100, 200 years ago, if you'd have said to someone, there will be free health care for everybody, they would have gone, how does that happen? That I can't imagine that. So what I'm saying is not that radical, but that's that's the change I would like to see because I think that will ripple out to change the world.

SPEAKER_01 53:26

Yeah, and you see that a lot. I was thinking when you were talking there about my um social work background, being a social worker of 20 years as well, and and actually how that sense of changing the system and giving those, you know, giving people opportunities. And it's really working with trying to work with people that haven't got that advantage, you know, or or they're in great disadvantage, having a much more holistic, I think what I'm hearing you say as well, a much more holistic and well-rounded support system for people because there's so much kind of generational trauma and and different things that are playing out, which make it really difficult. So there are like, you know, years and years of kind of work almost to be done, um, you know, to support people on many different levels, and and having that, like you said, that system in place so that people have that opportunity, but also they have opportunities to be able to, you know, really feel different, empowered, you know, and actually have some agency in how and what happens to them in their own lives.

SPEAKER_02 54:39

Yeah, I the agency is really important, and yeah, you're of course your background as a social worker really you're very much more informed than I am. Um what I I mean, my the example that I of course can give if if women when they have a baby were given a an experience where they could a bit like a retreat where they could actually just find themselves again. Because at the end of the day, people need to be they need to f have the have it's not like a bit like when you know where the a lot of NGOs they go into a country and they're like, we're just gonna help these poor people. No, you've got to give them some kind of skill set or show them something and find out what they actually want, and then they will empower themselves. And it is about empowering others to find their own way. But for a lot of people, they're yeah, they they don't see any options, and and like you say, the healing work can sometimes take years, and it doesn't look the same for everyone, so it's gotta be holistic and highly individualized, and and people will go, oh no, but you can't do that, it will cost too much. Um no, Chinese medicine works that way, it's all individualized. It's just uh this is where you know those who are comfort zone again, right? They're like, no, well, we've always done it like this. It's gonna be too hard to steer the ship a different direction. Um I just feel it, I mean it's happening, right? It's we we've seen it happening in already the last 20 years, and and I've yeah, I've I feel this is we just need to keep going in that direction.

SPEAKER_01 56:19

Yeah. Well, thank you, Claudia, for sharing such insights about your life and your work, and it's really, really inspiring actually to hear and you know your depth of of knowledge that you've brought today and you know shared with the listeners. So, you know, I really, really appreciate you coming on today, Claudia, and and for being here today and sharing this discussion and this chat, and and it's been great. It's been a pleasure having you. Um, if people would like to know how to work with you or get in contact with you, where can they find you?

SPEAKER_02 57:00

Yes, thank you so much. I've loved this conversation. It's been really insightful for me as well. Always uh uh interesting when we have these conversations and we always learn from others as well, don't we? Um so I mean, and I'm using the main social media I'm using is Instagram. I have the website holymama.info. My Instagram handle is still holymama, although just today I thought I'm gonna change it to my name because it's a um tick account, uh a whatever you call it, verified account. I have to go through a process. Um, but yeah, that those are good places to start. And I have lots and lots of different courses and programs, and some of them are instant access, some of them are you know very, very accessible, affordable. There's some free stuff, and then there is the hive mind, which I've started up, and there are different ones during the year where you get either it's you know space holding, visibility, uh, marketing, sales, um, money mindset. There's all of the different parts of being an entrepreneur and and and especially a female entrepreneur, so that you're not working in the same way that you have been modelled by by a lot of the industry has been, of course, based on the masculine model, and we're just different. So, so yeah. So if anybody wants to reach out, I always answer emails and um I get back to people. I'm not I'm not a I'm not one of the even even and I know this, I'll probably still do this even when I get thousands of messages. Um I just always I know I I think this is one of my gifts. I always see the other, and I I am the I feel this is this humility that I'm never gonna lose no matter what happens, no matter when I'm like the best-selling author times 10, and you know, it's just yeah, I feel that human humility and connection is so important.

SPEAKER_01 59:19

Thank you, Claudia. That's that's amazing, and yes, definitely. I think there's something about that sort of like we've been talking about a lot today, isn't it? Is connecting with people on that personal sort of individual level. So so thank you again, and hopefully we will speak again soon.

SPEAKER_02 59:38

Thank you, Louise. Thanks so much.

SPEAKER_01 59:41

Thanks, bye, bye.

SPEAKER_00 59:43

Thank you for tuning in to the Lou Kylie Show. I hope today's episode has inspired you to reconnect with your own inner power and take that next step towards transformation. If you found value in today's show, be sure to subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review. Your support helps us to reach more people who are ready to live their empowered life. And if you're ready to take your own journey further, don't hesitate to connect with Lou and explore her empowered pathway system. Until next time, remember, anything is possible when you tap into your true empowerment. Please note, Lou's tough development programs, webinars, and trainings are designed to empower and inspire. But they're not a substitute for professional mental health support or therapy and do not imply a guarantee of outcome. If you're in crisis, please reach out to the following organizations in the show notes.