Welcome to "Useless Confessions"

This week on Useless Banter, we put our decision-making skills to the test with the most important fantasy draft of our lives: celebrity crushes, fast food chains, and more. Let’s just say some of our picks were questionable… and some felt deeply personal.

We also introduce our newest segment, Useless Confessions, where listeners anonymously submit their messiest, funniest, and most unhinged stories for us to react to. And trust us — the first confession already set the bar in hell.

From dream teams to red flags, combo meals to coping mechanisms, this episode is equal parts strategy, chaos, and oversharing.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi, my name is Louise. My name is Brett. Welcome to Useless Banter, a podcast where two best friends won't shut the fuck up. Basically, a podcast where we talk about a bunch of useless shit that doesn't really matter, but is highly entertaining. Heavy on the highly entertaining.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

So grab a glass.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Raise your glass.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

So ready to drop down to the floor. Everybody hit your splits. So grab a glass. Wait. I guess. So raise your glass, lower your expectations, and let's get useless. Maybe we're already useless. I mean, like, it's like saw that one coming.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

I low-key forgot that that happened. So um, okay, well, cheers. I'm so happy to be here in this moment, and I'm so grateful for someone else I'd want to do it with. Wow, this one is amazing. It's actually so good. Yeah. Um, okay. So we have a couple fun things in the mix for you, useless.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

For those listening, the useless fantasy damn light up sign. Yeah, it's just down on it.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Honestly, but you'll get to, if you're watching, you'll get to look at our beautiful ginormous wine glasses. So um, okay, yeah. So we have a couple fun things in the mix today. We decided to spice it up. We're gonna play a couple games, and then at the end, we got some stories for you. Some tea. If you guys follow us on socials, we did ask people to send in some stories. Yeah, dating a girl, right, right, right. And boy, did they send in some stuff. It's like crazy because all anonymous. All anonymous. All anonymous, but it's crazy because I know that like there are some including ourselves. We are we have some hey, exciting friends. Yeah. Um, and but it's just like, I'm like, who the heck? I know. I know. I also love that some of them are people that we don't know, and I'm just like exactly, yeah. So yeah, anyways, all of it will be anonymous, but let's dive on in.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yeah, okay. So we're gonna start with something called the draft game. The draft pick. We'll call it the draft.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

We'll call it the draft pick, yeah. Basically, we're going to draft our teams in different categories. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, so which one do you want to start with?

SPEAKER_00 2:20

Um, okay, so let's start with um fast food restaurants. Okay, period. Piriana Pyriana McGee. So um we are for sure like the stereotype of gays that people make fun of. Why? Like the way that we talk.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Oh, yeah, 100%. Piranha McGee. Pyrian, mama.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Work the house down boots, mommy girl.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

No, but it's funny because I feel like we say it jokingly joking way, but we do it so much that it becomes part of our like everyday language. Yeah. Oh gosh. Sometimes I like I go through phases where I'm like, work. Like I just say work and I'm like, I need to stop saying work. Yeah, like I should probably shut up. Yeah, yeah. Obviously, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Um, okay, anyway, so your draft pick for fast food.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Okay, how many are we picking? Like, what's our you know? I don't know. I guess it's like however many we feel.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Yeah, three, four, five. Like four. How many people play on a like on the court on a basketball team at once? Five? Do we know? Wait, let's ask.

SPEAKER_01 3:25

Six and six. Six and six. Oh, okay. Okay. Should we try for six? But if we're trying for six, I'm like, I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

Yeah, lastly places, but okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Okay, you're go first.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Yeah. Okay, so like one and one. Um I'm so sorry to my community, but I would do have to put uh Chick-fil-A at number one. It's like the really like fucked up person on your team that's like really talented, you know, shitty person, but really talented. So you're gonna hire them anyways? And I feel like we could like work through some stuff together. I don't know that that's gonna work, but okay, it worked. Um, I'm so getting canceled for that.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

I I actually I'm no, I'm I you're not the only one.

SPEAKER_00 4:06

Like, I but I to be honestly love Chick-fil-A. I don't really get it that much, but I don't get it eat I don't eat fast food really much at all unless it's like a really drunken night and we like are like have nothing else to order at like 4 a.m. But like um if I do randomly splurge on myself and get fast food, like I there's something about the Chick-fil-A chicken that just really really does it for me. And the fries and the ketchup is their ketchup like specially have the packs that you like open versus like having to like tear off and like squirt out, it's like the dipper, the dipper ones. Okay, but so does Carl Jr. I just feel like that's so elevated.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

So does Carl's Jr.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

Okay, well, my second is gonna be does not have that. Um but the second is gonna be the experienced person on the team, lots of experience, they're a little bit older, maybe a little bit wiser, they're consistent, and you know, they've just been going for a long time. McDonald's.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Second, second um draft pack pick for me.

SPEAKER_01 5:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Um the third is what were you gonna say?

SPEAKER_01 5:19

I was gonna say, should we do like one and one? Okay, yeah. That way we can cover it.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Yeah, who's your top draft?

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Okay, so my top this is a hard one. Okay, I think my top would probably honestly be in and out. I think it's like, and I know it's not everywhere, but it's here, and I know that, yeah. I I think like I don't love in and out fries if I'm be honest.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

Yeah, I they're so to me, they're so hit or miss. Sometimes they're good. Yeah, sometimes they're not. I will say, and this is no shade, but the Hollywood location right here is pretty miss, pretty obviously. Oh, really? I never go to that one because I go to a lot of other, well, the line's so long, and I don't know, maybe it's like the whatever, but the amount of times that I've been there, or like or like the times that I have been there, it's just yeah. That's such a bummer. It's such a bummer. It's such a bummer. And it's again so popular. I don't ever want to wait in the line.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

I feel like when I go on a road trip, like obviously near near her, is like a good kind of go-to. Um, I just think their burgers are just like, you know, they're good. They're like a good size, good amount. Like, I don't know. I just I like it a lot. Um, I also I love the pink lemonade, and I used to be uh what do you call it? Like the the ice cream, the malt or this, whatever it's called. You know the ice cream shake? A shake? Yeah, yeah. I was like the mall. But you know the ice cream shake, what is that called again? Yeah, babe, it's the ice cream shake. Yeah, I used to be that, but your boy can't really do dairy like that anymore. So we don't really do that. But yeah, I do love an in and out.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

I I really will say. Um, I okay, that's number one. What was your number two?

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Okay, number two is kind of like um, I would say um El Pollo Loco. Okay. We I grew up, that was like my mom's like kind of go-to one. She was like, it's easy, it's just like Mexican food? Yeah, it's just like uh like chicken, like uh cooked chicken. It has like the you know, you can get rice, beans on the side, like whatever. It's like simple, but a good go-to. It also doesn't make me feel crazy. Like, I'm like, oh, I feel like to be honest, I feel like I know people are gonna hate me for this, but I'm not a huge Taco Bell person because I feel like every time I eat it, I just like I'm like afterwards. So I prefer like a El Polloco, it's just like feels a little lighter. I've never had Taco Bell. You've never oh, but you don't like my skin food. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

You've never had a Taco Bell. It's no shade to you. No, that's shade to you, girl. Um but okay, yes. That's okay, so that's your number two, period. So your number two. And my number three, honestly, as you said, we're saying that it just kind of popped into my head. Um I should I have two. Okay, let's what are we doing? Five, six, yeah, five or six. Let's say okay, so third on the dropped pick would be realistically for me, probably Panda Express.

SPEAKER_01 7:59

Oh, yes. Wait, I'm gonna say number three for Panda 2. Yeah, because that's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

I know we both love Panda. I love that you love Panda. It's a great exchange between our friendship, a great bonding. Uh because it's it can be quick, it can be easy, it's like still fast food, but it's like not like horribly disgusting. Like it's chicken and rice, you know, like it's quick. And like, listen, I will say, like, a lot of people hate on orange chicken, like, oh, it's not real Chinese food or whatever. And I grew up on the East Coast, so where we have we're like super saturated. There's like an authentic Chinese cuisine on every corner that you can order for like uh delivery, like whatever. It's just not like that here. Um, well, San Francisco does have a lot of different things. San Francisco, yeah, in LA. It's not like that here. Um, but there's something about panda orange chicken that is like the best orange chicken I've ever had. And that's probably an insane statement. And I know people are gonna read me for that, but like I've had authentic orange chicken every like a lot of places. I have too, and there's still a lot of I crave the panda. I don't know what it is. It's like they just put that something in there, and I just I crave the orange chicken.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

Well, I will say, I mean, I've never been to China, so I don't know, but they do say that obviously here we make the food very different. Very different than it's actually made there. But that's with like with a lot of cuisines, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Like is panda ran by American people, like, or like, or is it I don't know, I have no idea to be honest. I'm like, there has to be some sort of authenticity there, no.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

I mean, maybe, but also but also think about it this way even when people, even Mexicans, when they come here, sometimes they will make the food a little different for yeah, also like the water and stuff like that, like it changes everything changes, but yeah, and you also don't always have all the spices available to use that you actually would use for that stuff, right? You know, right? So it just naturally is different, it's not right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

Um okay, so third well, third panda I think kind of agree on that. Fourth, okay. I travel a lot to southern states, so uh they have this, they don't have this here, but Whataburger. I love Whataburger. Okay, I don't know what it is, but that burger to me is like the best burger I've ever had.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

You also only get the bread and the bun, huh?

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Okay. No need, no need to out my orders. No, because I only say that because I tried it, I think when we were in Arkansas or something.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Yeah. And I was very disappointed, very underwhelmed. Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:29

It was like not it's just like big and like tastes good. I don't know. I mean, yes, I will say my order from fast food anytime is a plain burger, just the burger and the bun.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

I just putting that out there because I can see why that would be a hit for.

SPEAKER_00 10:47

And I I dip it in ketchup, and that's my order. But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Okay, wait. Actually, one that I really want to put up there and probably should have been higher is I wonder if you're I know what you're gonna say. Raising canes.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Oh, uh no, no, that's not what I thought you were gonna say. Wait, I'm curious to know what you thought I was gonna say. Um, I thought you were gonna say five guys.

SPEAKER_01 11:05

Okay, I like five guys, but I don't know if it's like, I mean, we'll see how far we get to this. And if I can't think of any, then five guys has crossed my mind. But I like it. It's good. I love the Cajun fries, bomb. Um, but I'm gonna hold off on saying that it's on my draft for now. You know what I mean? That's how I feel. But raisin canes, uh, so good. The Texas toast. Um, I always get because I don't really want, I mean, coleslaw is fine if it's like in a burger or something, but it's like served on the side, and I'm like, I don't really want that just to eat it. So I usually get the chicken with extra toast and the sauce that they have, so good.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

The toast is phenomenal. I do get very excited. I do love raisin canes, but for me, it's like if I have a draft pick, I feel like that's putting like another quarterback on a team. Like if Chick-fil-A.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Oh, see, I don't have Chick-fil-A on mine.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

Yeah, so I feel like I'm like, yeah, I'll let you have, I'll let you take that one.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Yeah, yeah. No, I'll gladly take raising cane. You can keep your homophobic chicken. Wait, what are we at? Four or five? Four. Yeah, because I said in and out. Uh oh, polioco, panda, raising cans. That's what we're at four.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Um does like no, I guess it doesn't count. What? I was gonna say, does Dunkin' Donuts count? Sure, why not? Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

I think I would add Dunkin' Donuts just for um You know what's so funny is I wasn't a big because that I think that is more of an East Coast thing. Dunkin' Donuts.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

Um like where I grew up when we would like drive to school and stuff, like there was like Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah, we would stop at Dunkin' on the way to school, like high school. There was like not a Starbucks close by.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

That's funny because for us it was Starbucks, right? Yeah, of course. You know, yeah, we like always had Starbucks, like that was the thing. But I I feel like since being friends with you, have learned like liked or just like had more Dunkin'.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

And I'm like, it's actually really bothering. I love Dunkin'. A lot of people hate on it. Like, people love to say that Dunkin' coffee tastes like dishwater. That's like a thing. Like, or whatever. It's like a coffees are a lot sweeter, and that's why I like that. Yeah, because you love the sweet sun. Yeah, but I also grew up with that taste, so for me, it's like nostalgic, you know.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

No, I do like it though. Like, again, I mean Starbucks can be sweet too, right? Like, there's all the flavors and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

But see, I wouldn't cons I would consider Dunkin' more of a fast food restaurant, and I wouldn't really consider Starbucks as like drive through. Yeah, but like it's also not, I don't know, like I feel like people are more likely to eat at Duncan than they are to Starbucks for some reason. Like, I feel like if you go to Starbucks, you're getting coffee. And like, I mean cop Duncan too, but like you're probably just getting like a like cool fruity drink.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

They have all the wraps and the protein boxes and the sandwiches. I feel like that's you know, yeah. But it is, I would say oh, you're saying fast food because people don't eat the food. Yeah, you're thinking of it more as a cafe. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

But it's not the same as Duncan. But to me, I feel like Duncan go like it just in my brain. Again, I could be completely wrong. I think that people like get food at Duncan more often. Like it's like they're people are like, oh, I want to go get a sandwich. Like I'm actually curious to know if that's true. Yeah, yeah, I'd be curious. I'd be curious.

SPEAKER_01 14:13

I personally don't think it's true. I think they're the same.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Yeah, I also again you grew up with that, so you probably grew up like being like, Oh, let me get food at Starbucks.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

And that's why I'm probably saying that it's yeah, different and same. I feel like it would be the same though, because when I look at the food at Duncan, it seems like they also have like wrap, egg bites, like it seems all the same to me, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

So would you put Starbucks on your draft or would you draft Duncan?

SPEAKER_01 14:33

The only reason I wouldn't is because Starbucks isn't doing the best right now. In terms of like just their political stance. Agreed. And also they're really struggling. Are they like the they have brought in a new CEO? Shout out Starbucks, love you. No, but um, I think, and I don't think they're going anywhere. I don't think it's like that, but I just think like they've been also having a lot of changes made. Like they were going through the point where they were printing all the labels out, right? And then it went to like uh they're printing all the labels out, and then the CEO was like, we have to come back to the roots because like you know, uh numbers are down, I guess. So they they started writing on the cups again, and their or their thing was like write a note on the on the cup. They do do that, and I think it's cute. So they write because they used to write your name and write everything on the cup, right? Um, and then on top of that, they were trying to make it more like because when Starbucks first started, it was like people would go to a Starbucks and like say it was cute. You was it was a cafe experience, right? Yeah. And now I feel like while people might still do that, and especially certain locations, it's not so much like that. There's Starbucks that are just drive-throughs.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

Yeah, I also I also noticed that like a lot of Starbucks were doing like I don't know if it's like, you know, because it's LA and whatever, the homeless population is just so large here. But like a lot of the Starbucks like around here don't have cords to plug your laptop in. Cause I used to go like do my taxes there. Like I would be like, that would be like a whole week for me where I would like go to Starbucks every day and sit, or when I was in college, like I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go to whatever, because there's they always have an outlet, they have free Wi-Fi, whatever. Like it was like an experience for me. And I'm sitting there and I'm getting like two to three drinks because I'm there for a few hours getting projects done and stuff. So, like, right from there, I'm like, babe, I'm spending like $30 here.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

They stopped making their public restrooms public.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

They stopped making their public restrooms public. A lot of them don't have like the ones around here again, don't have places to plug in your laptop. So if I'm like, you know, get there at 20%, I'm only staying there for 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Like, I do say I do kind of understand why they I was working at a Starbucks in college in San Francisco and it was a 24-hour Starbucks right by like on a busy street by a hospital, like you know, so that's why they were 24 hours. But I remember even then we would have so many issues with like homeless people coming and staying in the bathroom for hours. Like I would have a whole shift where somebody's just in the bathroom, it's insane, and like you can't get them out, and it's like a whole thing, and then you know, they're making a mess in there. So it sucks because that did unfortunately change the experience of going to a Starbucks, but it's like at the same time, maybe they just did it for safety, you know.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

But it's like well, no, a lot of them have like codes and stuff, yeah. So I think that helps, but right, yeah. No, it's that's shitty. Okay, anyways, next next person on the draft.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

So wait, you are I don't know if I would put Starbucks on mine, to be honest. Okay, but Duncan? Would you put that? I probably would put Duncan, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

I think I've like it's fun, it's it's it hits the spot, it does it, you know. Okay, let's do one more. Okay, one more. Let's put one more. Um what's like another?

SPEAKER_01 17:28

I feel like I can't think of the fast food chains right now.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Well, I know, but I'm for sure putting Papa John's on there.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Really?

SPEAKER_00 17:35

I think I've only had Papa John's maybe like three times in my life. Probably it was once or twice with me.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

I love I know you're also not the biggest pizza person. Yeah, just because of the cheese, but I myself don't I take the cheese off my pizza anyways, which most people will be like, what the fuck? What's the point of even eating pizza? Um, I love pizza, it's my absolute favorite food, and I prefer it without the cheese. Like I and nothing else on it. Like I like it would just decide.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Oh wait, I was thinking wait, sorry, I got so excited. I was thinking Popeye's not Papa John's. So I was like, I think I've only had Popeyes like three times in my life. Oh, okay, yeah. I I Papa John's, I've had way more. Yeah, I see where you're seeing.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

I was like, yeah, I've only ever had Popeyes like a few times. Yeah, yeah. No, I've only had a lot of people. Popeye's kind of grosses me out.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Yeah, okay. I was like, I was like, really? And then you said pizza, and I was like, oh wait, Papa John's.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

Okay, Papa John's, just because I need a pizza, I need to check that off.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Wait, I have mine.

SPEAKER_00 18:27

Um and I just there's something about Papa John's pizza. It's like the it's like, I feel like there's like, I mean, I'm from Jersey, so there's like authentic pizza, right? There's like Joe's, where Joe's is a different experience. I love it, but there's like, I feel like a ranking of like the gross pizza or fast food pizza. Right, right. You know, and to me, Papa John's is at the top rank of the fast food pizza.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

You know what's funny is we grew up, and that's why you said I thought of mine, because we grew up eating dominoes a lot. Domino's, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:58

And that was like some pretty comparable. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

But I would prefer Papa John's. And I think I would prefer dominoes. Yeah. Because that's what I grew up with, right? I remember my aunt, she is so funny. I love her so much. Um, she would take care of us a lot, and she didn't speak English very well, right? Like very little after that. So she would always have us like order things for her. So I remember just like being little, and Yvette and I would be like figuring out the menu, and we would have to like call and order. And I was like so little. I was like, I don't even know what I'm like, you know what I mean? Or like one time we drove. Oh my god. So one time, not like whatever. But yeah, we drove to, I think it was like McDonald's, and McDonald's was having like a $1 cheeseburger special. Hey, not McDonald's having a sale. No. All right. But we were driving through and then she again, we always had to order, right? So we're like in the window, like they're like, she's like, tell them that you want the one dollar cheeseburger special, but with no cheese. So then the girl was like, So you want the hamburger? And I'm like, no, we need the one dollar cheeseburger special, but with no cheese. And it was like only on Tuesdays or something. So like, you know, it's like a whole thing. And then my aunt went like was like, well, I want this sandwich, but with this bread. Can you tell them? So I'm like trying to tell her, like, hey, she wants this sandwich with this, uh, like this burger, but with this bread. And the lady was like, not getting it, had to explain it three times. Yeah, and I'm saying it to English to the girl. Got it. So I'm but I'm also little, you know? And I'm like, I'm just probably like, can we get the number of arm with that? Whatever. I'm like trying to explain this to them. And the girl was like not getting it. She's like, so you want this one and this one?

SPEAKER_00 20:37

No girl.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Little like eight-year-old maiden. No great. Can you get it together? Like I'm like, I'm speaking English, okay? She speaks Spanish, I speak English. Do you understand me? Um, no, but it was so funny because I was trying so hard to explain. We get home, we get home, and all they gave her was the butt. And she was like, Are you kidding me? So she's cooking up like me on the grill, and she's like, I should have just like made this out. So annoying. Yeah, but it's like, so anyways, nostalgia, but I think Domino's would be on my on my draft. Wait, so what are your final? What's your final?

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Chick-fil-A, McDonald's, McDonald's, Panda Express, Whataburger. No.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

Yeah, you didn't know.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Panda Express, Whataburger. Oh, so we did six. Because I did Duncan.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Oh yeah. And then Papa John's. Okay. Wait, what were mine then? Okay, I said In and Out. El Polloco. Panda Express. Duncan. Right? Duncan. Um Dominoes. Dominoes. Oh, so I have one more.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Wait, would you consider this fast food? Um, maybe that's more like it was a sit down, but do you did you ever had red red robin?

SPEAKER_00 21:54

I no, but I was in my brain, I was like, it's uh is um like iHop count.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Right, no? Okay, so that's not fast food. No. Can I say Red Robin though? Used to be my shit. I hear that. Or like a Cheesecake Factory. My God.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Yeah. We're definitely in a different category. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

What are other fast food places?

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Five guys. Yeah, five guys would be good.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

Five guys is so fucking good.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

You know, actually what I would do, it would definitely be like one of the, like, it's actually not even there anymore. Um, but like a fat a Mexican fast food joint. Yeah. You know, like the ones in San Diego, like, it's so sad because like two of them are not even there anymore. And there were the two Filiburdo's and Rico's that we used to go to all the time. But Filiburdo's was like right by the beach. So like we would literally grab like a burrito or conesada fries and like go to the beach or whatever. So that's like if it was still around, I would put that on.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

I used to, when I lived in San Diego, always go to Mexican places and just get horchata. Oh, so you used to be obsessed with horchata. But you know that starts. That's what the summer is.

SPEAKER_01 22:53

Yeah, little horchata.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Um, okay. Do we have another category of draft picks?

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Well, okay, we could do celebrity crushes.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

Yeah. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

I feel like I already know who your first one's gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 23:11

Okay. Yeah, let's not let's not gag the girls, but um my celebrity draft pick of celebrity crushes.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

On three. One, two, three. Michael B. Jordan. I do it. Honestly, throw him on mine too. He probably wouldn't be number one, but he will be okay. Okay, yeah. He's oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

He is so fine. Like it makes me unwell, honestly, talking about it because I'm like, like, just give me an hour. Like within an hour, yes. We will train for the draft pick. Oh my god, nobody. Like, I love him so badly. And it's like it hurts. Sinners, two of him, please. And I'm trying to become a sinner with him, like with both of them. Right? Oh my god. At the same time. At the same time. Yeah, but I've got never mind.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

The self-filtering in that moment is so crazy. Never mind. Okay, Michael, we joined it.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Yeah, um, let me can I fucking guess yours?

SPEAKER_01 24:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

It was a it's a Latin poppy for sure.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

I actually, ooh, I have I'm like between two right now.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

Either Bad Bunny or Rao.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Yeah, I was gonna say Rao. That was gonna be my first one. Honestly, see, okay, now I'm between three. Maluma's the other one. Ooh. Maluma, Bad Bunny, and Rao. Like I wish you guys could see that. Okay. Um, I I between the three of them, I think for even before, like, I think Bad Bunny now is like I know he's gotten there before he wasn't at the top for me too. So but but Bad Bunny is that bitch. Bad Bunny is like So like I feel like I have to put him on the draft.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

So is what number? Well, who's number one?

SPEAKER_01 25:10

I mean, he is that bitch, so he might have to be number one. Okay, but I wouldn't say he's my biggest celebrity crush. If a draft team wise, he's number one. Celebrity crush, I think I would choose Rao Alejandro before him. Okay, so then Raul's number one. Is that how okay, yeah, yeah. And then he'll be number two. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

I am trying to think because you know, I could I I think I need a little bit of Latin love on my draft pick. Um so, but for me, like honestly, I could I might have to put two because I have always had the biggest crush on uh Ricky Martin Martin. So beautiful, sexy looks so good. I think he looks sexier now than he did. Like now he's so daddy to me that I'm like, let's get into it. Right, right, right. I'm a good boy. Yeah. It's twisted. Yeah. Um okay. And then and then either I would pick either Maluma or Bad Bunny too, and I don't know which one. I think I'm gonna say Maluma for me. Oh, okay. Okay, but I really liked when he had long hair. I liked, I don't like him with his shaven face. I don't like the shaven face, so I pick Maluma with long hair and a beard.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

I like him with short hair. I also like him with like longer hair too. Yeah, but it's the facial hair for me. The facial hair's gotta come back. I'm like, we gotta go hair better.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

So number one for me is Michael B. Jordan. Michael B. Jordan, and then I'm gonna say number two, Ricky Martin.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Work. Okay, Ricky, that's a good one. Yeah. That's a good one. And then number three, are you doing Maluma or no? I think Maluma's gonna be close to the other. Oh, like later. Okay, okay. So number one for me is uh uh Rao Alejandro, then Bad Bunny, okay, then uh uh Michael B.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

Jordan. Period. Okay. I think then for number three for me. I've I've always really loved 50 Cent. Work. I've always had the biggest crush on 50 Cent. That doesn't surprise me. I really would like to go to the candy shop.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Oh yeah. And like that lollipop. Right. Um, that's so funny because I remember having that album and I used to blast that shit, and I was like so about that album. Yeah. It was so bad. Um my god. Who else is like my about, you know? I feel like I'm like trying to think of like movies and shows that I've seen like you know who I used to be obsessed with, and so was probably every other gay man was uh, or maybe not you, but was um, I just think about again, I was thinking about like movies that I watched growing up. I used to like be obsessed with mean girls. Is the boy the main boy from Mean Girls? You know what I'm talking about? The one who plays Aaron. You don't know I can't think of who that is.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

That is a guy. I also am not the person, and this is why it like I feel like I'm like so bad with names and like sometimes like just pop culture references because But you've seen Mean Girls for sure. Oh yeah, I've seen it, but you can't think of how he's no. I also hate watching things more than once, like it bothers me to like watch a movie more than once, like unless it's like my absolute favorite movie ever. Like, I have seen movies more than once, but like I'm not someone to re-watch things, like it bothers me. I don't know why I'm like, okay, I've seen it, I know it happens. Like, I need like something new. So a lot of times I'm really bad with like references and remembering things, which is But that's like what makes sometimes that's what makes it so fun.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

I know. The references are like what makes it, you know what I mean? Yeah, like mean girls, like quoting mean girls is like so funny and iconic. Yeah, no, I like it. Jonathan Bennett is his name. The actor who plays Aaron Samuels. Yeah, he is gay in real life, but he plays the heart throb in the movie.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

Jonathan Okay, yeah, he's fine.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Yeah, especially like when we were younger, you know, and he played that role. I was like, oh my god, he's so cute.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Um yeah, definitely on my roster.

SPEAKER_01 29:19

Definitely not on my roster, but work. My next one probably isn't either, but I used to be God.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

I also used to be obsessed with uh Chris Evans. That's so funny because I was my next one was gonna be Chris Brown.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Wait, that like really goes to show okay. But Chris Brown now, but before all of it, I'll take it all. Wow, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

See, I liked him before like the allegations. Before the allegations.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

No, but not just that. Also, just I mean that of obviously, but like also I used to I think I used to think he was way cuter when I was younger. Now that I'm older, now I I don't know, I just don't I don't see it the same.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

Yeah, I think that a lot of I I can somewhat agree to that too. I think like obviously hearing about like some things that he's done or whatever definitely makes him a little less uh attractive, but I think that that man is fine for sure, was always one of my crushes. So I was like, there's a piece of me that will always like yeah slightly hold on to that one.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

One of my friends was obsessed with Chris Brown when we were younger, and I mean obsessed, like she had pictures on the wall. I had she wrote him a letter, like it was like a whole thing. She like, you know, yeah, very, very fangirl. Um, okay, wait, how many is that? Like four.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Yeah. So I have Jordan, uh Ricky Martin, Ricky Martin, Aluma, Luma, uh Chris Brown. Oh yeah. I don't know. 5050, Kurth Brown, Luma. Oh wow, you're again then you have five.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Okay, we I said uh Rao, Bad Bunny, Michael, um Jonathan Bennett, Chris Evans. Okay, so five. Okay, so one more.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Okay, one more. Oof. I'm trying to think. I know, right? Trying to think of I keep thinking of just like uh rappers or like wow, she has a type.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

She's added herself. Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

I are like musicians. Um, actors, actors. Yeah, yeah. Um I mean, like I always have like been a fan of The Rock. Honestly, that's yeah, he's cute. Yeah, The Rock could definitely rock. My thanks. Imagine I was like soldier boy. Hey, I'm like flavor flavors.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

Like no, girl. No my god. Dad. Okay, wait. So the rock is your last one? I'll do the rock, yeah. No, I know you would do the rock. Um I'm gonna lock in the rock. Oh, you want to lock the rock. Um who's my last one? I feel like I'm gonna think about it later and be like, oh, that's who I would know. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Don't you love the guy from um Is it Jonathan Bailey?

SPEAKER_01 32:20

See, this is what I'm talking about. In the moment you're like on the spot. Oh my god, Jonathan Bailey has to be earlier. He has to be higher up in the ranks. He is so cute.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

You're like one.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

I don't know if he's one. Maybe like two. Actually, you know what? He could be one, honestly. He is just so cute to me.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

That's how you know I'm a real ass best friend.

SPEAKER_01 32:39

I know. Like, girl, I know who you love. No, honestly, that's that's fucking real. That's so real. I'm so grateful for you. No, honestly, though, Jonathan Bailey, I just think he's so cute. Like a cute person.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

He I think he's a really cute human. He's so far from my type, so he's not gonna make it onto my list, but like, I would still do it.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

I would marry that man. Yeah. I mean, you wouldn't, but that's fine. Yeah, that's better. Honestly, please, please, please don't. Like, yeah, no, okay. Actually, yeah, I think he would. Oh my god, would he be number one? I think yeah, he'd probably be number one.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

Honestly, could you imagine us like married to Michael B. Jordan and Jonathan Bailey, bitch?

SPEAKER_01 33:17

That would be crazy.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

We're available, so if you guys end up seeing this, if somebody puts this podcast on your desk, you know how they say say the things manifest.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

We're saying it. Yeah. I want you. Yeah. Call me, baby.

SPEAKER_00 33:32

Um, we have our roster. Okay, so now we're gonna get into story time. So we need we need to call this a segment, something.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Okay, we call this the confess your deepest darkest secrets, or all no, I'm just kidding. Um, yeah, what do we call it? It's like useless confessionals.

SPEAKER_00 33:51

Yeah. Useless confessions. Useless confessions. Okay, yeah, useless confessions. So are you guys ready for useless confessions part one?

SPEAKER_01 33:59

Okay, our first segment of useless confessions.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Um, okay. So I'm gonna pull up one of the stories that was shared with us. And again, this is completely anonymous. Yep. Um, and we're just gonna unpack, see what the audience thinks. Um, this is the first time we got a bunch, but we this is like the first time we're like really reading or going through. Um, let's see. Hey, I'm like looking.

SPEAKER_01 34:26

I also feel like I know, I also feel like it's funny because uh what is it called? Um living it just like like in a metropolitan city. Yeah. I feel like, and especially LA, or just like honestly, any, but I'm like I'm sure any, but living in LA is just like the day, the things that happen and the dates that go on and the people that you meet are just so interesting.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

And the stories that like people have up their sleeves that you just have no idea this insane shit in life is going on.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

And it's sometimes things that you're like, this should be in a TV show. Right, yeah, right. And that's actually, but that's half of the reason why that stuff isn't TV shows because people get inspired by it. Okay, I found it.

SPEAKER_00 35:03

Are we ready? Okay, go for it. So this is from one of our anonymous uh viewers. I caught my boyfriend cheating, but what he was doing was worse than cheerleading. It was worse than cheerleading. Was worse than cheating. Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We lived together, have a dog, and the whole thing. I thought everything was solid. Lately, though, he's been acting off, like super protective over his phone, taking walks at weird hours, and he started showering immediately when he got home, which is fine, but it felt a little suspicious. So one night I did what I swore I'd never do. I checked his phone, been there. Girl, been there, girl, been there, girl. Um I expected to find another guy, text, maybe, DM, something like that. Instead, I found a private notes app. Wait, so this is two guys? I think so, yes. Okay, work. Yes, okay, yes. Only because he's had another guy. This is a guy, yes. I expected to find another guy. Text maybe, DM, something like that. Instead, I found a private notes app.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Private notes.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

And inside it was basically a log. Like a detailed journal of every interaction that he's had with people. What? Not just hookups, literally anyone that he found attractive. This is insane. First of all, why do you need to love that guys at the gym, Baristas, coworkers? He was rating them, describing them, and even rating them is crazy. Like in your own personal notes thing, like okay, anyways, he was rating them, describing them, and even writing out imaginary scenarios of what he would do if he had the chance. Some of them were people that we both know, and one of them was even my close friend. Oh, hell no. But it gets weirder. He also had categories, like very specific preferences that he's never mentioned to me in two years. What? And stuff that he wrote about uh, and the stuff that he wrote about what he likes versus what we actually do together is completely different. So now I'm spiraling because is this cheating? Is this just fantasy? Or is it worse than, or is it worse that he's been basically living a whole second mental life that I'm not a part of? I haven't I have not confronted him yet because honestly, I don't even know what to say. Do I admit that I went through his phone? Do I ask why I'm not good enough? Or do I just accept that everyone has weird stuff going on in their head and I wasn't supposed to see it, see it? I feel like I don't even know him anymore.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Babe, first of all, what does your boyfriend do data analytics? Because this sounds like a lot of work.

SPEAKER_00 37:43

Like to there's a lot of points here that but like to to categorize everything and to rate everyone, like that seems like a lot of work to me. Okay, like I know that some people like I feel like the kink spectrum is very, very wide, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I've definitely heard of some really, really insane kinks, and so I'm not here to kink shame. Um, and I get I I don't think he has acted on them from what we don't know.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Well, he said he said not just hookups. So it's like I don't know if that includes that means there's also a hookup.

SPEAKER_00 38:17

Like a detailed journal of every interaction he's had with those people, not just hookups, literally anyone that he found attractive. Okay, well, first of all, I would like to know if he's actually acting on him.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

If he's actually acted on because if he's not, I mean, people do kind of get off on things like that. Like, I can see that being like a kink, right? Yeah, so I can understand that. Acting on him would be a different thing.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

I'd be like, okay. I do think that I would struggle continuing a relationship with this person, just me, because now from this point on, I'm thinking anytime we're out in public, anytime we go somewhere, when he when we sit down and get on our phone, are you putting in your notes app while you're sitting across from me that you're attracted to our waiter, that you're attracted to our server, that you're having a sexual fantasy of my friend after we do wine night? And I think if this is like an intense kink for him, like there's gotta be, we've gotta unpack that a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 39:14

And uh, I think though, the kink might be that it's a secret. Yeah. So like if you unpack it, then is that done for him too? Like now he's gonna.

SPEAKER_00 39:24

And do you number one? This has nothing to do with you. And so I this is not something that you should um internalize, like first and foremost. Like, I'm sorry that you're going through that.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

Yeah, and it's hard because it's easy to be like, Am I not enough? But also there's that's where my mind would go too, so that's valid. But also, he hasn't given you the chance to be enough because he hasn't ex uh communicated those things. Like he they he even said in the in that no, you know, there's things that he's never told me he likes in here. So it's like, how are you supposed to know?

SPEAKER_00 39:57

Right, right, right. And I think that's like another um tough part about relationships and why communication is so incredibly important. Like, you have to be able to be fully truthful and honest about yourself and the things that you want and the things that you like, or else a huge part of your even if you're nervous that um your partner isn't gonna be into those same things, like because if not, then it's something that they don't know about you and it's something that you're hiding, and eventually it's more than likely gonna be brought to light. And then it becomes like you betrayed me because I didn't know this upfront about you. I didn't know that you had this kink, I didn't know that you had these specific desires. And now I feel like I've been in a relationship with someone for a long time that I don't even know. Where it's like if we went into this dating and they're like, hey, listen, like I know this is probably different, but I'm into this sort of thing or whatever, you would at least kind of understand you know what you were getting yourself into. And also I feel like being gay, I and that this could also be wrong too, but I feel like a lot of gay people or relationships are more open to kinks. Like, I feel like our community is like very like positive and stuff, you know. So again, I would definitely feel betrayed if I didn't know these things, but if I did, then I from the beginning I could have assessed, like, okay, this is something that I could work through something I could get into, this is something that maybe like we could join together on this. But like again, is it the secret thing? Like, is that what is turning him on? The fact that his partner doesn't know about this.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

I'm also curious as to where they're located, like where because in LA, very normalized. Again, in most metropolitan cities, very normalized. But if you're not living in a big city like that, maybe you're I don't know, Middle America, like whatever it is, then that might also be a reason. Well, I guess, yeah, that might also be a reason, depending. I'm not saying anywhere specific, I'm just saying depending on where you are, might also be a reason that you're afraid to share those things because in general, you are in an environment where that isn't as normal or seen as you know, like to me, the logging, oh my god, everything is insane.

SPEAKER_00 42:03

Like, also like we all know we're human, right? So we all have fantasies about people, like it's normal. Like that is like you can't do it. You see people, you're like, oh, they're hot. Like it's normal to see attractive people, it's a normal to fantasize about them. But having to read your partner's words of the different fantasies, like that is something that would burn me forever. Like, I would I just think once I saw that, you can't come, you cannot unsee that. That's like so like I yeah, I don't know. If this if this relationship is worth something for you, I would definitely recommend some intense therapy for you guys. I don't think there's any way for you to just live with this information and not say anything about it. I think you absolutely need to bring it up. Yeah, and you know, like this is the hard part about going through someone's phone, is a lot of times it's our intuition. So, yes, you should not go through someone's phone or whatever, right? Like that's privacy, that's a boundary, you should just trust in your partner. But a lot of times when people end up doing it, they find stuff. And I personally think that's your intuition telling you something, and you need to be able to see the information for yourself because now you're in a way, you're like protecting yourself or bringing something to the light that you would have maybe never found out, and then you would just go forever, just not knowing that your partner is like writing and logging things about people that you know, people that you love.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

Like, okay, but here's the thing if he's not acting on them, would it have better to just would it have been better to just never have seen it?

SPEAKER_00 43:34

Like, yes, but she did say that he was acting, or he he did say that he was acting- Well, we weren't sure, right? But he was acting suspicious from the beginning. So that was the intuition. So, like, you're just gonna let that like. No, no, no. I guess I guess you're right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:47

If you feel that suspicion, I guess in my head, I was thinking, like, if there was no suspicion, then like wouldn't it have been better to just but yeah, no, I guess it was like yes, I guess to some degree it's better to just not know, but then No, I I'm not saying yes or not.

SPEAKER_00 44:02

Would you want to not know, or would you want to know?

SPEAKER_01 44:04

I don't I see that's the hard thing because if I didn't know, then I would think that like if there wasn't any reason to be suspicious, I would think everything's fine. He's not acting on it. Maybe this is just something that he, you know, like needs or whatever. But at the same time, it's like obviously I would prefer to be in a relationship where you wouldn't need to do that. Yeah. So I guess, yeah, probably better to know so that you can find the right person for you. Not that he's not good for you, but you know, if that's something that's really going to like bother you. Right, right, right. I don't know, I don't know. That's hard.

SPEAKER_00 44:37

That is really I yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

I've actually I've never gone through a partner's phone, and I'm grateful that I haven't.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

You never you act like that's a gag. Oh, bitch.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

I have been to be honest, I've never I've never needed a.

SPEAKER_00 44:55

Oh, you're so lucky.

SPEAKER_01 44:57

No, I just know how to pick them.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

Well, clearly no I guess we're still. I'm like pick a little bitch. I'm like, I'm like I'm an old single. Ain't no bitch to go. Never mind.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Oh no, but I I I really don't think I've had a reason to in that sense. But at the same time, it's like, yeah, my past relationships, we've you know gone our different ways and split and whatever for different reasons, but but yeah, I've never I've never needed to. I think to be honest, if I I'm sure in the moment, if I really had that strong intuition and was like, I need to, I I think that itself would probably tell me that something's wrong because I'm not the kind of girl to go through someone's phone. And if I'm getting the urge to, and if you're you if that's where we're at, then I definitely would be like, maybe this is not the best sign, like this is how I'm acting now, you know? Right, right. So I think it would that would be a sign in itself. Not to stay in those moments, you never know what you do, you know. Like your intuition again is telling you something, but yeah, I think for me that would be like a red flag. I'd be like, why am I at this point?

SPEAKER_00 46:04

I have definitely gone through phones.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

No, and it gives that.

SPEAKER_00 46:06

Yeah. My f actually my first relationship, I went through five this is when I was really I you know what's funny though is that I don't think I would go through a phone now. Genuinely, I really don't think I I'm like gross. I know. I know because I'm like, if you're doing something, bitch, like if you're gonna do it, you're gonna do it. What is it me like digging through your phone all the time, like doing? Like, I don't know. It's like you're like, if you're gonna do it, invite me. No, I'm just getting okay. I'm like, if you're gonna do it, I'm gonna find out somehow. And I don't know. No, no, yeah, that's that's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Yeah. I just also feel like, yeah, the truth is gonna come out no matter what, you know.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

Well, anyways, we uh are gonna wrap it up, and so should you have to wear Yeah, because you can't be trusting these bitches. Right, right. You don't know what they got.

SPEAKER_01 46:51

Prepare yourself first.

SPEAKER_00 46:52

People thought you're sleeping with their best friends. Like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 46:54

At the same time while you're in the house. That's crazy. Um okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:58

Well, which we're gonna do, we'll probably do another more rounds of uh our our uh what is it useless? Draft pick and useless confessions. So look for it on the Instagram story. Um, drop your craziest story, we'll unpack it, we'll stay anonymous. If you want to do fake names, do them.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

But you'll also do it via email. Maybe we'll put our email too so that you guys can, you know, like in case you want to send it from a real anonymous, like you know. Yeah. All right, sending love.

SPEAKER_00 47:25

Peace out. Bye.