Red Flags During Hookups

This week on Useless Banter, we're turning dating disasters into a drinking game. From the guy who says he's "not looking for anything serious" five minutes into the conversation to the one whose apartment raises more questions than answers, we're breaking down the biggest red flags to watch out for during a hookup—and assigning a sip (or a shot) to every single one.

As if that wasn't chaotic enough, we also crack open another installment of Useless Confessions, where an anonymous submission has us questioning people's decision-making skills, relationship boundaries, and whether some secrets should really stay secret.

Pour yourself a drink, keep your standards high, and remember: if you hear your last hookup mentioned in this episode... it might be time for some self-reflection.

Transcript

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Oh my god. Wait, I didn't even notice that. That's so funny. We're talking about it. Click clack. Wait, should we clap? Okay. Five, six, seven, eight. Gorgeous, gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. No, amazing. Santina. Okay. Um, my name is Louise. Hey, for those of you that are watching, we're both wearing our cowboy boots. Okay. We're both matching boots. Hey, and it wasn't, and it wasn't planned. No, it really wasn't. Um, hi, I'm Louise. Hey, my name is Brett. Welcome to Useless Banter. A podcast where two best friends won't. Shut the fuck up. Basically, a podcast where we talk about a bunch of useless shit that doesn't really matter, but it's highly entertaining. Heavy on the highly entertaining. So raise your glasses, lower your expectations, and let's get useless. Woo! Wow. Okay, we are so keen. Cheers, bitch. How the fuck are you? Oh my gosh, I know. I haven't seen you in 12 hours. Actually, no. Is that true? No, I feel like it actually has been like a day. 24 hours. Which is literally long for us. No, just so everybody knows, like it's a long time. Yeah, no, it's actually a really long time. I have a question for you. Gag it. Because I got one for you too, bitch. Okay, okay. Okay, I do have a question just because like life update. Yeah. Um, are you like a do you block people on Grindr? Okay, all right. This is gonna this is gonna sound insane and I'm already embarrassed about it, but you know what? No fucking shame in my game. Um, I will block people that are like a for sure no. If like I'm scrolling on my grid and it's like, you know, you have to like pay more to see like certain people and you see a few sexy people on the bottom that are not unlocked, bitch. I will take it upon myself to block people that are for sure no, just so I can maybe unlock the man of my dreams that's below the man of my dreams is crazy. That's that insane. No, that's actually so smart. Like, I haven't done that. I I like am not a blocker. Like, I feel like even if we don't, we're not a match, like I'm not gonna block you. I'm just not gonna like I'm just not gonna block it. You're not gonna like feed into your bullshit. Right. Right, right, right. But like, that's actually smart because you're right. At some point, it's like the And you know, for okay, and I don't know if this is just me, but I I do feel like they've changed the algorithm where they start to see your type. Yes, and now it's the for you. And so it's like at the bottom, right? And it's right before, hey, you're you can like unlock or whatever, it's all these sexy ass ripped guys that are like specifically your type. I'm like, okay, are they actually there or are you putting them there so that I'm like tempted to buy because hey, I have almost indulged. Yeah, but I do try to hold myself to a standard where it's like, girl, if we're like having to like get the unlimited membership on Grindr, it's like maybe we should like reflect a little bit, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like it's not is it really that serious? Is it really that serious? Yeah, it's not. It's not, it's not. Um, okay. Well, I don't usually block people, but I did block someone the other day. And really nothing serious. It was more so just for me because I was like, I don't really need the. But okay, so basically I was chatting with this boy. Okay. And like it was going well, we're just like vibing, cute, whatever. Like sending each other albums, like work. Right, right, right. Like, you know, the pics. Um, and and then all of a sudden, like, okay, so we're like, oh, like, let's hang out. You know, we're both chilling, we're both free. He's like, what are you doing now? And sorry, I had to get situated. Yeah, yeah, it's okay. Um, and he's like, Oh yeah, like like, okay, I'll come over, whatever. And I was like, sure. So he was like getting ready to come over. And then he shoot me with a so have you always had the mustache? And I'm like, oh, like, no, it's pretty new actually. I just had it in like February, and he was like, Oh, he's like, What did you look like it? What did you look like before the mustache? And I was like, haha. Yeah, he's asking this on grinder, yeah, on grinder. And mind you, we already made a plan to hang out in all my pictures. I have my mustache, they're all recent pics, you know what I mean? So, like, you know I have the mustache. Good for you, right? No, right, yeah. Like, you know, I have the mustache. I didn't show him anything before the mustache. That is so and you already agreed to come over. So I'm like, what? You know? So then he's like, um, so I was I tried to make a joke out of it to see if he was like serious. Yeah. And I was like, ha ha, like, why you don't like the mustache? His response. What did he say? I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. First of all, okay, as your best friend, right? Let's talk about the numbers that the mustache has been doing for you. You have been a man with that fucking mustache. So, but also just the audacity to ask, like, hey, can I see by chance what you look like? Cause like, what do you think? Are you like gonna try to fantasize me? Like, yeah, you're you want to meet me in person, but fantasize about what I am without the mustache. But also, babe, news flash. When you get here, the mustache is gonna be still gonna be there. So it's like, what are you gonna like close your like yeah, do one of these numbers while we're like getting into it? Covering my mustache and my while we're fucking like that's crazy. I'm like, like, no, like what? So I was like, I literally was like, uh when he said that, I responded and was like, well, the mustache is gonna be here when you get here. And he was like, and and then he's like, well, I just pulled up and I was like, well, maybe you should go home. Oh, I know that's right. I know that's right. Standards, right? Because I was like, there's no way. I'm now I'm just insecure, I'm not feeling good about it. Like, there's it's just in my face. We have to protect the mustache at all costs. Like, what? So I'm like, look, you don't even have to be about the mustache, but why would you even agree? That's so weird. Like if you're really not, if you don't really, really don't like it, why did you take it so far to be like, I'm coming over? Like that listen, because like there's obviously been times where maybe I've like gone to hookup with someone and they've like shown me a variety of pictures where it's like maybe they have long hair in one picture, maybe they have short hair, and maybe it's like I even have preference over one of the other. Right, right. I would never though ask someone to see what they looked like with what my personal preference was because like I'm never going to make someone feel like that about themselves. And it's also like I would never want them to feel insecure while we're hooking up that maybe that you were longing for this other trait that I don't have anymore. Like that is so weird. So weird. So that deserved a block, yeah. Blocky on that. Literally was like, well, I just pulled up and I'm like, maybe you should go home. And then I blocked him. I just pulled up. Well, maybe you should go. Maybe you should go home. Because I'm like, there's no way I'm letting you inside my inside my place now. No, no, no. Yeah. Oh my god. Okay, well, on that note. Wait, I have a question for you. Yeah, and I do think that um Instagram and social media is dying to know. So you obviously had a recent blind date that has popped off on the internet. Yeah, yeah. The girlies and the gays, more specifically, the gays were losing their cool about it. Yeah, yeah. The whole Los Angeles community. No, honestly. No, basically, not even Los Angeles. I've been having friends from San Diego from like San Francisco be like, oh my god, tell me what happened. Tell me everything. So basically, I'll I'll kind of tell what happened. So um, we were reached out to by Jeff Perla. He like asked us for a bunch of questions and then he wanted to set you up on a date, on a blind date. Jeff Perla, his whole social media account, he does street interviews, he does, he then now has his uh unmatched show, his dating show, which is a good idea. It's like unmatched, unmatched, yeah, whatever. And it's so good, it's so entertaining. So, anyways, he he did, it was a blind date. Right. I had never met the guy before. Never met the guy, and same thing with the guy, like you guys were actually blindfolded, the whole thing. You didn't really see him before. Um, and you guys asked each other questions. You it ended up in a steamy makeout, yeah, the internet went crazy. Yep. From there, I think everybody wants to know have you kept up with Mr. Thomas? Did we go on a date? Have we chatted since then? What's the update? Yeah, we did. Um also, Thomas. Sorry in advance putting our tea out there. Don't just kidding, but no, we did there really isn't that much tea, honestly. But that we did end up hanging out after that. We went to go like get lunch and coffee and whatever, and like we chatted, but that's kind of the extent to what it is. Yeah, um, I think we're both just like we just had a good time and it was cute. And yeah, yeah, like attraction was there, but I don't know if it'll like before. Go any further. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is honestly fine. Yeah, but it was a cute moment. Like, honestly. Yeah, y'all are good news. Right. I was like, shout out to Jem. What a setup. Obviously. Yeah, I'm still waiting on mine. No, right, right, right. And hey, crossing fingers. Next time he's in turn, I'll be there. Right, right. Oh my gosh. So yeah, basically, oh my god. And first of all, that was the first blind date I've ever been on. I've always wanted to go on a blind date. I think that would be so fun. Yeah, I do think it'd be fun, but it's like, what if you get there and you're like, this is so not my type? Right. Hopefully, the person setting up the blind date is uh taking that into consideration. Yes, you know, yes. There's I feel like there's only certain people that I would trust to put me on a blind date. Yeah, yeah, no, same, same because you know, as a gay, you always get the oh my god, my cousin is gay, or oh my god, I know this boy that works with me is gay. Or or you guys have such similar personalities, and I'm like, man, I'm like, I don't know about date anymore as anything like me, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I think we would be sisters. I don't know if we would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like we are bumping purses for sure. That's what I mean. I'm like, we gotta take that as a always that. Like you remind me of him, and I'm like, then maybe it's not a match. I don't really want to be a mess. I can almost guarantee. Yeah, I don't think I don't really want to date myself. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. Um, okay, but in the hookup realm, I feel like that was again honestly the first time in a really, really, really long time that I had to like do something like that. But also, like, my question is like, what are some red flags that we see when hooking up, right? So, like, why don't we make this into a little game? Okay. I'm like, oh shit, I see the tequila. Let's do it. Shout out, or shout out to the tequila. Shout out to my shot takers out there. Woo! Um, no. Bro, we haven't even taken a single shot. I'm like already sweating and I'm sober as fuck. Yeah. Okay. Um, for those of you not watching, go to YouTube. No, I'm just kidding. Um, we we have a whole array right now. We have our giant wine glasses. The useless, we have a useless banter lightup sign. Which you probably can't read. Will probably fall. Can almost guarantee it. And you also can't really read it because in we have chasers in front of it, and then in front of that, we have like five shot glasses ready to go. And then we have wine glasses next to those super sized, yes. And the bottle of tequila. So, like, we're ready. We're prepped. Happy Friday night. Happy Friday night, honestly. Well, you guys will get this on a Tuesday, but it's a Friday side, so no. Listen to it again on Friday if you want to drink this pre-game to it. Yeah, pre-game to it, honestly. Okay, so basically, let's make it into a game. We're gonna go over some red flags. Yes, we are. Come with hooking up, which, you know, uh listeners chime in in the chat in the comments, whatever, if you want to give your two cents. But we um are basically going to talk about these red flags, and if we have ever been that red flag, we're gonna take a shot. Okay. Okay. So we asked Chatty. Um, no, we love our girl. Our sister, right there, y'all. Yeah, we love Chatty. Okay. Um, so we'll start with Okay. We want to do hookup red flags or dating red flags. Oh, oh my god. Should we start dating and then go hookup? Okay. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep it like Okay, so wait, when are we taking a shot? When we've been the red flag. Oh shit, bitch. Hey, we're like I'm like trying to get out of this. I'm like, I hey, I've been a walking red flag once or twice. Okay. Okay, okay. Um, dating red flag. Still talks about their ex constantly. Have you done that? No. Oh, okay. I thought you were like, I was like, I thought it was still talks to their ex. Oh my god. That is a red flag, though. Talks to their ex while you're on the date. Wait, while they're on the date. Oh, wait, wait, no, no, no, just I think in general. Oh, just like while you're dating somebody? Okay, okay, okay. I'm like close friends with one of my exes. Oh. Okay, all right. All right, moving on, move it on. Um has never been in a relationship and they're 35 or older. I honestly think if you've never been in a relationship and you're 30. Yeah, unfortunately, like let's even bump it back to 25. Okay, okay, okay. I do think like there are certain people that I don't know, I don't know. I really don't know. I do agree. Like, obviously, I'm 32. Damn, bitch. Damn. And I just feel like, yeah, obviously, if I'm meeting somebody that's like my age and they've never been in a serious relationship, I am at kind of at a point where I'm like, oof, there's a lot. I think especially in gay relationships, there's just a lot to figure out in terms of like even just like what you like, the dynamic, physically, emotionally, like all the things, you know, that I'm like, I and I say that because I learned so much from my past relationships, right? 100%. So I'm like, I just feel like I don't know, that'd be hard. I don't really want to be the testing, like the experiment. You know, I I fully agree. I think if I was in my 20s, yeah, I don't know, it's tough because I like was in long-term relationships so young and I learned about myself in those spaces so young. So I don't know, when I was like in my younger 20s, that would be fine. Like I'm more down to experiment or teach or show someone. But now like I'm I'm about to be 30. Yeah, and um I just I don't know, my priorities are changing. So like I do feel like in everyone's life, and this this could be wrong, um, but I do feel like everyone kind of goes through that relationship that teaches them. If they've never been in one, you go through one relationship where it's like if you've never been in love before, love is so intense, that feeling is so intense. So if you've never felt that before, like it's usually a little bit more difficult for people who are experiencing it for the first time to have complete control over their emotions. Because I even think about my first time being in love and like I was insane. You know what I mean? It's just you're feeling so much, and so it's hard to navigate that. And I don't know that I am available to be that for someone. I want someone who knows what they want, who's been through what it's like to like communicate and fight and do all the things to be able to be like the best version of themselves as a partner because you know you can know yourself entirely, but not know yourself as a partner or as a lover. You know what I mean? Yeah, so I want someone that knows themselves as a partner and as a lover and has worked on themselves as a partner and as a lover. Because if not, then maybe we're not at the same place. Yeah, excuse me. And I and I will say, like, I think especially being gay, it's like people come out at different times in their life. 100%. So that's that's totally, I'm not like saying, like, oh, you're weird for not having a relationship. No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Like, I just I and I think there are people out there who are willing to be that person for somebody. Right. Um, but I do think like, you know, timelines are different, and sometimes it's just a matter of like you came out in maybe your late 20s or even 30, and like you're still figuring that out. But again, I've done all of it, all of it, and I've spent time to figure out what I want and what I like, and been through those relationships that like I personally just have to be honest with myself and what I need, yeah, and that's probably not the best relationship for me to enter, you know what I mean? I agree, so no fault to it, but it's just a yeah, but it's just a matter of fact, yeah. No, for sure. I mean, we cheers to that. We don't need to check it out. We haven't even cheersed, yeah. Cheers, gal pal. Oh my god. You're like juggling. No, literally. How do I always I always end up with a broken one? If I'm being honest, when I grabbed them, I almost put it on mine and then I went. So fucked up. I switched it. Only because I love you. Um are we ready for another dating one? Yeah. Okay. Um follows ten thousand thirst drops. Like the whole following count is like hot body. You know, when you go on the for you page and it's like it's like only fine fans content creators like making out and like whatever. Listen, if you're following a few, a few. Like a few, you know, like sure, I I do kind of get it, but it's like if you're following a bunch of them, yeah, girl, like does that really need to be your whole feed? And okay, this is also maybe a hot take, but like I feel like that's okay on like Twitter, like when you're doing your own, you know what I'm saying, your own wall business. I feel like Twitter's not really used for used for that. Like that's like when I'm ready for that moment in my life, I'm going to Twitter. But like, if that's your Instagram feed, that's your like day-to-day scroll. Yes. And it's like that's what you're consuming at all times. Like, that's a little spooky because then you feel like you're always gonna be in a place of temptation. Yeah. Right. Or like longing for like the next best thing. Like that's what what that's what that's gonna do to your brain. Yeah. Versus like your ambitions, like, you know what I mean? Like sports that you're into, fitness, dance, like comedy, like your friends, your family. If it's like your for you pages, literally just like hot guys making out. It's like I just feel like, again, like you said, it's more about like what are your other hobbies and interests? You know what I mean? Like right. What else like entices you aside from just the sexual, like like I get it. I like a six-pack, yeah. Of course, a V-line as well, but like I don't need to ingest it 24 hours a day. And I don't need to follow, because I I don't know. I feel like already the explore page will give you some of that, you know? For sure. We don't need to be like following hundreds of and liking that, like that would like them all. Like oh babe, yeah, yeah, that's too much. No, okay, period. Okay, work. Um, obsessed with astrology, but only when it's convenient. Okay. I be honest, has that been you? I may have to take a shot for that long. I I will fess up and and be only when it's convenient. That's funny. Yeah, well, because sometimes I'm like, sometimes I'm like, well, I'm always obsessed with astrology, but like sometimes if it's like I'm with a guy and we're going over our charts and it's like completely clearly not compatible, I'm like trying to make it work. I'm like, well, no, no, no, no, no. I think like oh god. No, no, no, but the like the Venus moon really says it all. Like, forget the forget the rest. Forget the rest. Forget the 17 other planets. Like, girl, that is oh my god. The way I'm like, should I just take one too? Honestly, yeah. Okay, fine. Hey, hey, it takes a lot, really. It really takes a lot. Okay, goddamn. Alright, cheers. Cheers. Ooh, beep. Woof. Okay. The way I'm such a baby with shots, I have to like chase, drink, chase. Like, it's just I feel like you're kind of like a baby in general. Honestly, yeah, I'm the baby girl. Oh my god, I was having this conversation. I was having that conversation about like, you know, sometimes you want to feel a baby girl, but then sometimes you're like, I don't know, whatever. It's like the the duality of it all. Cause sometimes I really do want to feel baby girl, but I also don't want to be treated like I'm not capable. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I'm not like just like a complete like sub. Yes, yes, right, right, right. Like I want I just want like sometimes just someone to baby me because it just like feels good, but I also am more than capable of taking charge and leading a situation and making decisions. And like I also like when people like when pe when uh a guy wants me to baby them. That's also so cute to me. I agree because yeah, it's it's again the duality of it. Like, I I I could do it all. I could do it all. Okay, let's get into the let's get into the hookup red flags. Oh my god, I thought you'd never ask. Or like, yeah, honestly, fuck the relationship. Um, okay. Won't send a face pick. Oh, absolutely not. No, I'm like not talking to you. 2026. Like, let's let's get like send me a goddamn face pick. Like, also, if you've seen my face, why don't you send it? And a clear one too. Like they'll like they'll send one and it's like or like with the glasses on, you can barely see their face. I'm like, take the glasses off, it's like you literally, it's like came from your MySpace in 2000. Right. I'm like, uh-uh, no. Was MySpace around in 2000? I don't even know. Um okay. Um, this says hosting question mark is their entire personality. Like if they're like immediately like hosting, hosting. Oh, okay. That's a turnoff too. Like, we don't need to start with that and we don't need to make it everything. Right, right. Like, babe, if you can't host it, then like that's fine, but like, chill. Yeah, just say you're poor. Because you got a roommate. No, literally, I have a roommate. And he's like, and fuck that room. And I still post. Oh my god. That's somebody. I love it. I mean, no, I yeah, I just think let's calm down, you know? Um, okay, wait, this one is I feel like this one's interesting. Uh, red flag. They want to move off, uh move the conversation off the app instantly. I also don't really like that because I don't want to be giving my number to somebody that I don't know. And it's also like I don't want to be giving my number just to a random hookup either. Like it's like that's what we use the app for. Yeah. Like, so I'd rather keep it on the app. Like, unless that there's me and we vibe. If we meet and we vibe is 100%. Like, I can I can actually respect and appreciate that. But off of Grinder, if we're just trying to get into the bit, like let's keep it on there. Let's keep it cute. Let's keep it professional. If someone is like professional, it's crazy. Let's keep it professional, okay? Hand me your resume and let's move on. No, literally. What do you have to offer? Hey, the album is the resume. No, it literally on the grinder. I'm like, send me a video. No, send me a voice note. I actually wait. I actually like some guys do that. They like want to hear your voice before they know, it's so annoying. And like, part of me is like, I get it because we're gonna meet and you're gonna hear me. But then it's like, it's just sometimes it feels weird. No, it's so weird because I'm also like, what am I gonna say? into the voice note. Especially like in that setting, it's like, am I supposed to dirty talk to you? No, yeah, yeah. Like, some guys want that. No, I know. And I'm like, Yeah, Danny. I'm like, I'm like, you want me? Oh my god. Uh okay, okay. Um okay. We'll have a two of those. I know. This is crazy. Maybe we just don't have a lot of oh, actually, okay. This is hey, Chad didn't even come up with this, but I'm gonna say this one right now. This one sends me so hard. It is such a red flag to me when a man on Grinder messages you and asks, Are you masculine or feminine? Oh, fuck yes. Okay, that sends me so hard. Yeah. I've had yeah, I've had people be like, Are you masculine? And I'm like, define. Like what do you mean by that? Like, I I like you're looking at my picture. So, like, yes, I am presenting more masculine. Like, I have a beard, I yeah, I I don't know, I have a hairy chest, I don't shave, like, or whatever. Like, it's like then then I have a muscular build, but I it's I don't have the deepest voice in the world, but I'm also not like it's such a spectrum. I hate that question. It feels so unfair to ask that because I'm like, I'm just me. Like, I'm not masculine, I'm not feminine. I feel like I lay somewhere in the middle. I can, I can be a little bit more masculine if the situation calls for it. I can be definitely more feminine if the situation calls for it. Like, right. It's like it really depends because I do feel like I can tap into both, but it's like to what extreme are we talking? Like when people say that, sometimes I'm like, okay, are you looking for someone like super dom? Like what, like, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Cause that's a different, that's a different right, yeah. Cause it's like they'll even be like, hey, it'll even be like a dom top. And they're like, they want to know, like, if you're if you're masculine. And I'm like, so you want me like on my back with my legs in the air, and like and then be like, rag. Yeah, boy. I mean, maybe they do. I mean, maybe they do. And like honestly, it's just it's just a weird thing to ask, I feel like, in today's world, because everyone and everything and sex in general is just such a spectrum. Masculinity and femininity is such a spectrum. I think it's such uh an unfair question to ask. I also just feel like, babe, there is some toxic masculinity or homophobia or whatever it is lying under there. Correct. That like we need to work through, babes, because if you're that dead set on it, like to say it, like, hey, how about you just like I don't know, again, like you said, you're seeing my pictures, we're talking, like, if I'm giving you that vibe, then like maybe it's not a match, but like, like if I'm giving you the feminine vibe is what I mean, but but I don't know, to like ask someone and be so like I only hook up with masculine guys, it's like, okay, well, then babe, meet someone outside and make sure they're masculine. Like, I don't know what to tell you, you know. I actually recently that this kind of happened to me. This guy, I was chatting with him and he asked me if I was masculine or feminine. That's why it was fresh in my mind. Um, and I told him, like, I'm not really sure how to answer. I feel like I'm somewhere in between. Like, that's that's always my answer. And then he kind of like went quiet for a while, and I'm like, okay, whatever. And then he like you know, you can like video chat. Oh, like call video chat. He video chatted and I answered and we were like talking or whatever. Cute guy, like pretty good vibes, and he was like so into me. He was like, Oh, you're so cute, blah, blah, blah, whatever, all this stuff. See, this is what I'm saying. And I'm like, Yeah, but if I would have answered and said that I'm feminine because I can be, you wouldn't have even given me the opportunity given the opportunity to like see me or be like interested in me. And it's like, I also am definitely don't come off as this overly overly masculine guy. So you saw me on video chat, then after that wanted to like meet me, but it's like I know I didn't come on being like a masked on top, like I was just myself. Right, right. So like I wanted to almost ask him, like, so what do you think I am? Right, honestly, yeah, because I I agree with you. I feel like it's so different. Also, like just the perception versus reality is like so different, whether it's social media, whether it's grinder, whether it's our dating profiles, like we all present in the way that we want to be seen. You know what I mean? So it's like, but then when you meet me in real life, sometimes I just always am like, okay, take this stuff with a grain of salt because you never know what you're gonna get in person because people always give off the energy that they want to give off. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? Like, I I'm sure I we all pick the best photos, the ones that make us look a certain way, like whatever, right? Yeah. Then when people meet me in person, I don't know. I just feel like you're kind of sometimes closing yourself off to the opportunity. Granted, we all have our types, and I'm not saying just give everyone a chance. But like, you know, I just think keeping a little bit of an open mind. Yeah. I don't know. Well, I'm glad we covered that. Okay. Um, okay, I just I got one that, hey, may, may have us both taking a shot. He's like looking for the ones where we get to take shots. Um, red flag when hooking up disappears for weeks, then sends hay. The way I have literally been there. Oh, I'm there probably more often than I like to admit. I was gonna say been there next to you while you send the hay. I thought you were gonna agree. No, I mean I've done it too. But I'm just laughing because I've literally been next to you while you're like hey. And then you're like, No, no, no. I mean, I've done it too. I just like need some attention. Oh, God. Okay, here's the sad thing. Let's fucking take a shot for that because we really do need to. Hey, I like I like moved with the mic. I just think like, um I fucked it up. Oh, this is why. Okay. Oh, there you go. Oh, she's smart, she worked it out. Okay, and cheers. Oh my gosh. Don't worry, guys, we're gonna talk about it in a second. After I take that shot. Woof, okay. Wowza. Um, okay, so listen. I hate when it happens to me, and uh, I'm a part of the problem. Like, I I mean, honestly, I am. And I and I'm not saying that it's cool, I'm not saying that it's fine, but we've all done it. Well, we've done it. You know, it happens. I I do think we've all done it to an extent. And I do, I do think in those moments, like, because I have been there, I try not to take it so personally. When it's done to me. When it's done to me, because I'm like, listen, I've done it too, I get it. It doesn't feel good, but like I also have to let it go. Yeah. Because it's like dating, right? Sometimes you'll go on a date, you go on two dates, and you think things are going well, and it just doesn't work. And that's like, that's what it is. It happens. Again, I'm not saying I'm not treating anybody like shit. And we're not, I'm not saying treat people like that, but I'm just saying, like, it does happen. And I I I think it's just a gentle reminder to not take the whole hookup grinder thing so seriously. Because I know for some people it can really, really become everything. I agree, and I do feel bad, and I do apologize that if this has um ever affected you personally on my behalf. But I do feel like a lot of times people kind of like, and this is why I don't take it, try not to take it personally either, unless I have like a crush on this person, right? Like, then it's a little bit different. But if it's like we are we are both in agreement that this is like a hookup exchange, you know what I mean? Like, people are not trying to text their hookup all the time, or like sometimes people like take a hiatus from hooking up. Right, that too. And like I I do that too. Like, sometimes I'm like, okay, it's too much. Like, I need to take some time off. I need to just be with myself, I need to just breathe. So, like, hookups will text me and I'm not answering because I'm just like, I just like can't right now. And I feel like it's almost there's sometimes like a mutual understanding, like, hey, I get it. Yeah, you know what I mean, at least. And and maybe there's not, and and maybe that's my bad, but like I feel like when it's me on the other hand, I get it. That's how I feel too. Because again, it's the same thing. Like, let's say, you know, when we're like going off to Europe for two weeks, we're gone for two weeks, and then we come back and we're just trying to get settled. And I know there is some hookups in your phone texting you. Hey, hey, no, but like truth, you know, like real, real. And then like, I'll get back when I get back. Like, yeah, and then I'll I just also think like it's exactly that. Sometimes I think the mutual understanding for the most part, usually, is that this is just a hookup, this is just for fun, doesn't mean we can't do it again, but like we're not anything serious. So sometimes for me too, it's like if we start texting on the side or whatever, that's fine and dandy. But if I'm trying to keep it cute, like then yeah, we don't need to be texting all the time. Right. You know what I mean? Like we can take a some time off and be like, hey, and then we text again. Usually, I will say the response, like you said, is pretty understanding where like when we do interact again, I'm like, hey, sorry, been like out of town or whatever, and everyone's like, oh yeah, no, that's fine. Like, yeah, live it up. Like, what men are usually hungry enough to when desperate so when that hey hits their messages, babe, they reply, they are readily available, all of their feelings run right out the door, and they are boom ready to go. Forget about it. No, no, literally, but yeah, I do feel like usually it's a mutual understanding. Okay, I've got some other ones. Um, they still share their location with their ex. Red flag. Hell no. Why are we doing that? Yeah, red flag down, absolutely not. Cut, chopped, can't. It's one thing to be like cool with your ex. That's fine. To share your location, girl. That is definitely different. That's crazy. Yeah, that's true. That is very creative. And I'm not interested. Creative is one way to put it. Um, okay. They have no friends. Ooh, that is an absolute no no no no no. That is a huge red flag. Yeah. For me, I I kind of experienced this in my last relationship. It wasn't that he had no friends, he didn't have any close, close, close relationships. He had a lot of friends, but no one that it was like he was very, very bonded with. Yeah. And it always bothered me because I'm like, I always wanted him to share like things so that he could get another perspective because he only ever had the perspective that was in his head. Yeah. Where it's like, I share my perspective or whatever I'm going with you, and then you'll clock my tea if you need to, and be like, bitch, you sound crazy or whatever. And everyone needs that. Everyone needs people that love them and support them and that know them on a deep enough level to be able to hold them accountable. Yeah, of course. You know what I mean? And he didn't have that, so I feel like a lot of her his perspectives were just so off. And I'm like, well, you're not talking to anyone about them besides the voices in your own head. So it's like the the world, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. The way that he saw the world was just off, and it was so hard to ever get anywhere in a productive conversation because the the He didn't have that point of view, like we're always talking about anything and everything, and so we're bouncing ideas and I don't know. And then like he didn't have anywhere to go to share things when things were going wrong, or like any support system. So I feel like he just festered in his emotion where like I will be like, I need to go call my best friend, or I need to go call my people or my support system, someone that's gonna talk me off the ledge, and then I can come back and have a more productive conversation with you. There was none of that on that side, and so I think that's why that's a huge red flag to me is that you don't have any close relationships because is it that you don't know how to build them? That and also it's just a lot to put on one person, one person, correct. Like, like it's fine for you to go to your partner for those things. For sure, but also like let's not dump it all on that one person, like let's have family, friends, whatever it is, your circle of people because the truth is like that. I feel like also just different relationships have different dynamics and not in a bad way, but it's like you can go to different people for different things, and that's fine, that's perfect. That's like what you need the variety for in a way, you know? Yeah, because again, it's it's fine to have the one person that you go to for a lot of things. That's I'm not saying that, but again, it's just a lot to put on one person. So, especially your partner who's also just like there's so much already there connecting you two that it's like let's breathe for a second, yeah, and let's have I'm just I've always been a firm believer that yes, your partner can check all the boxes, right? But your person can't be your everything. Yeah, I agree. You know what I mean? There is something that you are gonna get in regards to support from me that your partner would never be able to get, yeah, give you. And that's and that's no that's there's no no no harm. Like it should be like that. It should be. There's a certain kind of support that when you call your sisters, your partner is never gonna be able to give you that specific support. You should seek that for the rest of your life. That's a certain relationship that you have and a certain perspective that you're always gonna respect. Also, because a lot of times those people know different versions of you. Yeah, and they know your journey and they know what you've been through. And like it's not to say your partner can't know those versions of you, but like not always have they experienced those versions with you. So I just think like it, there's such a different perspective that comes from that relationship from your friends to your partner to whatever, especially siblings, you know, like my sisters, yeah, absolutely. Like, I'm always gonna go to them because they've known me literally since day one, you know, and they've seen all the versions of me and they understand where I come from and what we grew up in and all that kind of stuff. So yeah, it's very different. So read the house down flag. Um, okay. This one might get me. Oh shit, I'm scared. Okay, red flag. They post cryptic sad quotes. Oh my god. That is like that is 90% of your No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, but it is I will say it's it's technically not like cryptic. No, no, no, it's not cryptic. I'm just like a very deep feeler, and so I love poetry. I love like sad songs, I love to just I love to feel like I am a feeler and I love to feel, and so like when I see something, like whatever goes on my story is something that it's like, even if I don't am not connecting to it in that very moment, it's like maybe a past version of me has connected with it, and that's just like what I post like on my story or whatever. Yeah, you know what I mean. I also feel like you're not. I mean, okay, maybe this is biased because I'm your best friend. Um, but like, because I will say sometimes people post cheesy, corny things, and you're just like mine are never cheesy. No, no, but honestly, and I it's and I also feel like again, it's because I know you and what you're going through, but like usually the stuff you post is pretty like relevant to what you're going through. Yeah, yeah. And and you don't, yes, you post it enough, but like I I never feel like overwhelmed by what you're posting. You know, because some people a lot more when I was younger. And I probably would have been annoyed at that. Yeah. Because sometimes there are people who, you know, I mean, it's fine. I'm just like, move on. You don't have to like sit there and read it, like it's whatever, it's not a big deal. But sometimes I'm like, okay, girl, like enough. But I feel like you also also your feed consists of so much more than just that. So much, yeah. It's mostly like when I'm teaching, whatever, blah blah blah. You actually posted one the other, like, I think it was literally today or yesterday, and I was actually like reading it and I like wanted to cry because you like it was I think it was about your dad. Oh, yeah. And you posted one that was like, I know my life or I know life is gonna work out for me because God and my dad are working together, yeah. You know, yeah, and I it's just it was so cute. And again, I it's because probably also I know what you're going through and your dad and everything that I was like, oh, that's actually really, really cute. Yeah, I love that too. I have been deep diving grief on Instagram, yeah, and so now it's like so heavily in my algorithm. Um, but I see a lot of cool stuff, and to me, it's just like um like grief is the hardest thing that I've ever gone through, but it's like I almost wear it like a badge of honor, and like I'm not afraid to post about it because I know how intense it is when people go through that. So if that somebody else can see it and relate or whatever, I'm like, yes, I want to be that for anyone because I when I see somebody else post about it, I'm like, damn, that was so good. I needed to read that or I needed to feel that today. So it's just like me like continuing sharing like the cycle of love in that realm. And I agree with that because the truth is like even for even for someone like me who's not going through that right now, reading that and seeing that, it just kind of puts you at peace with whatever is to come. You know what I mean? So you it gets you in that mindset too. So again, I think I think yeah, it's it's usually pretty like uh balanced, right? Yeah, okay. Um they refuse to kiss effort oral. Red flag. I think that's a red flag. Like, babe, we're already what it's we're yeah, we're we're already the fluids are already mixing. Yeah, the fluids are already mixed. You really think a kiss is gonna stop, whatever. Like what? And also, like that would just make the exchange so cold and weird. Yeah, I'm a very I'm a very passionate person, okay? Like kissing and passion and like all of that is like a must for me. Yeah. So it's like uh for me mentally, it can be, I guess, transactional in the sense of like we don't need strings attached, but like let's not make the experience cold. And like you're not gonna kiss me after I just yes, yeah, you know what I mean? Like, babe, that was yours. So, like, did you show up to the party go? Yeah, like did you clean up? Right, right, right, right. If there's a reason you don't want to kiss me, then what is it? Right, right. I agree. Um, okay. They call their mom every day. Do you call your mom every day? I call my mom every day. Okay. I like we'll we'll go like maybe a day, usually not like two days, but like we'll go a day here and there without talking. Has happened. We've we've gone like two to three days without talking, but like at some point in the car, I'm gonna FaceTime my mom. On my way to work, on my way to somewhere, I'm gonna just calling my mom to check in. Hey girl, how you doing? I actually don't really see that as a red flag. I think there's like the perception, I think the what maybe Chatty is going for is like when they're so attached to their mom. Yeah, where it's like mom is boyed down and you can't like have any privacy and like you're they're putting you their mom before you. That's crazy. Like, I'm like, okay, we can also like have a level of like balance and distance, whatever. Yeah, but I I I think talking to your mom every day, like honestly, that's something I should do more. Cause yeah, I talk to my mom, but like I don't call her every day, and then honestly, I probably should like more. You know what I mean? Yeah, so I personally don't see that as a red flag. I think what goes on beyond that call is what makes the difference. What can be a red flag? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, there is, I think. Woo! I know. If not, we can pour one. Oh, you know what? We might have oh, there is one. It's the blue one. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Um, should I prep some no, I mean, yeah, let's get into it. Okay. Oh my god. Hi you guys. Oh my god, wait. Okay, okay, okay, okay. This is like a whole mission. Yeah. Yeah, we should have maybe well better thought that. Yeah, it's okay. Alright. Um, okay, okay, while this is happening, yeah. Say another one. Um if you're watching this. Let's see. Okay. Uh they have an Android. That is an absolute red flag to me. Oh, really? Yes. What? Like, I do not want to date somebody that has an Android. I'm so sorry. Honestly, Androids are known to have better technology than iPhones. Would you ever get an Android? No, but I wouldn't care if somebody else did. But like, I don't know. Like, there's just a whole like. What about it? It's like texting them, FaceTiming. Like, they're just annoying because it's not so much. It's so annoying. Like, and if you're gonna be someone that I'm talking to like the most more than most people, like we're gonna need it really gonna like mess you up. It's the communication in general. Like, you know what I mean? I don't know. Just the pictures, like you're really out here with an Android, like that's kind of insane work. No shade, but like I don't I don't see it as being that insane, to be honest. Wow, you're such an accepting person. I just think like, okay, maybe the I don't know how FaceTime works from Android to iPhone. I don't know. Maybe it's not that easy, but the texting, I mean, that's yeah, I get it. It's annoying. I guess I've just never encountered that. So I'm curious to know. I've actually never encountered that either. So I'm like over here, like driving it, but I'm like, I've never been faced with that. I guess the only reason is because I know that a lot of Android like users always say that like iPhone adapts the things that they already had way later. So I'm like honestly, it's supposed to be good technology, and the cameras are actually supposed to be really good. Like for the pictures and stuff, right? Sometimes better than iPhones. Like work, but like it's still a no for me. All right, well, if you have an Android, cross yourself. It's not it's not a red flag, it's like a yellow flag. Um, okay, let's see. Ooh, okay. Uses sex to avoid emotional conversations. Okay. I don't know. I like I I was gonna say, like, I can be an avoidant person in the past, but like I don't think I've ever done that. In the past. In the past. Um I've been an avoidant person in the past. Like shut up, please. Um I've never like used sex to avoid those conversations. Have you? Um no. Well, I feel like I would now. You feel like you wouldn't have? I was I was always the one that was trying to have the emotional conversations before. Oh, okay. And I've had like my partner, I feel like has been like, shut up, bitch. Okay, that's crazy. Um not not, you know, but they wanted to, they were like, let's get into the bit instead of you know having this conversation. Yeah. And I'm like, please, like, I need to talk about it, like whatever. I'm going through it. And now I just am in such a different space that I feel like I don't know, it it it just depends. If I'm genuinely in love with someone, there's no way that I'm gonna like not want to have an emotional conversation because I love that. But I think like just like dating people now that where it's like there's no like depth and we don't have like a full commitment and I'm not in love with you. I'm like, do we need to be doing this this soon? Or like, you know what I mean? Where it's like I feel like if if I'm dating someone and it's like new and whatever, and we're that that happens to be the case, I I think that's just a turnoff for me. So like I'm I'm already like, I don't even want to have sex, I just want to avoid the situation. I will say if I'm if I'm already in my avoidance space, I'm not avoiding it and like trying to replace it with sex. I'm just trying to avoid it. Exactly. That's how I feel. Yeah. So it's like I don't know that I I don't know that sex is ever the answer for me. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. No, I definitely was on this receiving end of that when I was in a relationship because I always had so many emotional conversations that I wanted to have, and it was kind of just like, well, I know how to shut you up. Oh my god, I would have been so annoyed. No, it's like so annoying because it's like so crazy how yeah, yeah. No, yeah. Um, okay, okay, let's see. Um is having their location permanently turned off a red flag for you. Are we talking hookup? Um, just in general. Like for a hookup, I don't why why do I need to have your location? No, I think Okay, then let's change it. I think in a relationship, if you're dating a guy, you guys are in a relationship, and like Yeah, I think that's a red flag. That's like a red flag. Only because I mean I get it. I I I understand both sides where it's like, okay, you don't need to be tracking your person all the time. No, I do have the locations of like my best friends and my sisters though. Like I feel like there's nothing to hide. So it's like, why do you feel the need to hold it? And also, like if they but like if they don't have their location shared with anyone, and you know that like with anyone, right? Right. If they're like, why are you so fishy? Secretive, yeah. It's like what are you doing? Yeah. Um how do you feel posting thirst traps while in a relationship? Oh, that's an interesting one. Only because I'm like, well, I don't really like what are we considering thirst traps? Like just like a shirtless gym selfie, like, or like actual, you know, a little scandy. I mean, I like are we ever posting really scandy things, so like us? Like, no. It's really so I guess it would be like shirtless gym selfie, like you know, the one where you're like really flexing for the girls. Right, right, right. I think there's a way to do it. Okay, I only say that because I work in fitness, you know what I mean? So it's like if we're like, you know, if I'm like at one of the gyms and we like post a group, like me with a picture with somebody else, we just worked out, it's like a shirtless pick. Like, I'm not necessarily trying to thirst the girls, I'm just like being like, oh my god, we worked out, I work in fitness, like that's part of the gig, you know? Yeah, but like obviously there does there's a difference if I'm just like posting to like pose and flex. Like, that's like why are we, you know what I mean? Yeah. If we're in a relationship, but I also feel like that's not really the end of the world. I used to think it was the end of the world, and my first relationship like almost actually ended because I was so bothered and insecure about it. Okay, yeah. He um he was a professional dancer, and um, he was like always doing like photo shoots and stuff. You know what it's like, you know, just being in the industry. You're always doing photo shoots and all these things, and like I remember the shirtless ones like always made me on edge, whatever. But then I was I was kind of like okay. But then he did one in his underwear, and to me, I was like, my argument was like, why do you need to do that? Like, why do you feel the need to like post that on Instagram? It's like this like kind of sexy thing in your underwear or whatever. If you're in a relationship with me, and his thing was like, oh, like this is just it helps my career. This is like a part of like you know, just exposing yourself and blah blah blah all this stuff. And I was just like, How is it helping your career? That was my I was like, I feel like that's you're lying just to because you want to post it and you want that attention. Now, me, now, yeah and I'm like, I get it because I I will do photo shoots, artistic things and stuff, and I want to show off the hard work that I put in myself, and so I get what it's like to uh want to show off your body because it's it's showing off the work that you put in, right? Like, especially as a fitness instructor. I'm like, we're in here like pushing, right? To like feel good about ourselves, and no, it doesn't need to be this, like, there's a certain way to do it. Yeah, there's a certain level of tastefulness and like I don't know if that's even what word, tastefulness, uh tastefulness and um respect. Yes, yes. You know, like are you respecting yourself in the picture and are you respecting your relationship in the picture? If it's one of these like grabbing something, whatever, like where it's like very sexualized, then to me that's a red flag and I don't like that. But if it's just like artistic and a beautiful thing and it's just like highlighting how beautiful your body is, I'm like, oh my god, yes, you deserve the attention that you're gonna get from that because you're beautiful and I love you enough to like for you to be able to be perceived like that. You know what I mean? And I I agree, there's a way to do it where it's like there's one where you clearly see the photos that you're like, you're clearly looking for like that kind of validation. Yeah, like like if your print is put your print back in, right? Or like if you're in a relationship, like you know what I mean? Like, no, 100%. But I also feel like again, I think just working in fitness and entertainment and all that stuff. I agree nowadays, our Instagram and our social media is a resume. Like people go to it, literally, certain jobs will ask to see your social media presence, right? Also because it like depends on the booking you get, the the look they're going for, the persona they're going for, whatever. So sometimes they do want to see that. And I'm not saying you have to like show everything, but like I think there's a they do want to see her body. There's a professional and tasteful way to do it where I've seen like even fitness instructors do, you know, kind of like more underwear shoots and things like that, but it's clearly like a professional photo shoot, and it's clearly like sometimes they have weights in their hands, sometimes they don't, but like there's a way to do it where it's like you're clearly being professional about it or you're clearly just looking at your attention. We don't need to see your dick print. Right, right, right. So I'm like, I think there's a way to do it. And like, let's be honest with the motives, you know? Yeah. Um, okay. Let's see. Maybe like one more. Yeah, let's do one more. Oof, okay. Going to a gay bar without your partner or the person that you're dating or talking to. Also, um, we should take a shot for the last one. Why? Because we'd be doing that? Like, okay, period. Yeah. He's like, let's just take a shot. I mean, honestly, yeah. I'm like, you know, right when we're done with John Reed, babe. No, honestly. And like, again, honestly, we should do that tomorrow. Plus it's drop. Yeah. No, no, no. Okay, yeah. Cheers. Okay. Um what was the last one you just said? Okay. Red flag. Yeah. Uh going to gay bars without your partner or the person that you're talking/slash dating to. Dating. Dating. Okay, listen, I am a firm believer in like having your own social life. You should be able to go out with your friends and have a drink or whatever. Now, are we flirting at the bar? Are we talking to other people? Like, that's a whole different story. Right. But like, if if my partner, if I'm like, if they want to have a like night with their friends and they want to go out for a couple drinks, I mean, it's so funny because in West Hollywood, I feel like if we both live in the area, we're both probably gonna end up out or whatever, you know, like that's whatever. But like, if you want to have a night and I'm doing something else and I'm like, yeah, I have other plans, whatever, I don't really see that as a problem. Yeah, I again, the old me would definitely have seen that as a problem, or just not seen it as a problem, but I would probably suffer in silence. Like I have uh immense anxiety about my partner going out to the gay bars. But I think it's also because I've just have dated people that or like, you know, PTSD, but I have dated people that weren't necessarily trustworthy. But at this point, like I'm not dating someone that I can't trust to go out to the gay bars on themselves. Like I am now moving forward, and again, maybe it's just getting older or whatever, just being wiser and more experienced. But like my partner, the next partner that I choose, I will 100% trust them to go out to a gay bar. I'll be like, oh my God, have so much fun. I'll send them money, like take a shot from me, like whatever you want to meet your friends, buy around for your friends, like on me, like love you, have a great time. Smooth. I actually love when a guy does that. It is so hot to me. So hot. That is such a green flag. It's such a green flag. I've done it a few times. It's like such a little flex. Like, but I think it's so just because again, you're trusting me, you're trusting my friends, you're just wanting me to have a good time. You and I'm I'm over here, like I'm I don't have any desire to do anything but just hang out with my friends. You know what I mean? Like we're gonna dance, we're gonna kiki, we're gonna have a good time. I think it's so hot to meet and like even if they're at home, yes, like doing nothing, and they're like, oh my god, fuck yeah, have fun. Oh my god, like babes, you're gonna get the business when I get back. When I get back, babe, yeah, you're gonna because I I and even I love it for my friends when it happens. Like, I feel like we've been out and the boys will send that. And I love that. I love it too. And it's not even because, like, oh my god, we're getting a free shot. Like, I don't care. It's more just yeah, I can afford my own. Right. But it's just the act of it, you know what I mean? Like, it's I think it's so hot, so yeah. Okay, work. So we'll definitely revisit this. Oh, yeah, this was too fun. No, I'm having a great time. I'm having a great time. I'm having a great time. Okay, well, yeah, stay tuned for more red flags that you should look out for. We're here to um inform and educate and educate and inspire. Yeah, yeah. And if it's not a red flag, maybe it's a yellow. And let's hope for green flags. But like sometimes, yeah, sometimes we're colorblind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And and you will find. What are you gonna find, girl? What are you gonna find? You will find that it's hard to find a green one, okay? And sometimes you're gonna find a white flag and you're just gonna scratch it, and you're like, what the fuck is this? On that note, we love you guys. We'll see you on the next one. Yeah, smooches.