Never Filming in the Morning Again

We made one mistake... filming this episode in the morning. Safe to say we're not exactly early birds, and the caffeine had to work overtime. Between the sleepy chaos, questionable brain power, and way too many tangents, we somehow managed to pull ourselves together for a round of Hot Takes Takeover. From controversial opinions to completely unhinged debates, we're giving our completely unnecessary (but obviously correct) takes on the internet's hottest topics. Grab your coffee, lower your expectations, and come join the useless banter.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Oh wow. I don't think I've ever worn a hat on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

You're gonna really gag the girls with this one. You're like, wow, DL trade.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

Oh my gosh. Okay. Are you ready? But useless bonta. The Banta that is useless.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

Hi, my name is Louise. And my name is Brett. Welcome to Useless Panther. A podcast where two best friends won't shut the fuck up.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

Basically, a podcast where we talk about a bunch of useless shit. That doesn't really matter. But it's highly entertaining.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Heavy on the highly entertaining. So um raise your glasses. So drop your expectations and raise your glasses.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Raise your glasses. Low your expectations. And let's get useless. Like you guys also were filming this? We've never filmed in the morning before.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

No, and I just woke up.

SPEAKER_01 1:03

Yeah, so we literally like just woke up and came. Well, I I worked this morning, but like we usually film later in the day. So good morning.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

I was I was walking here with ice um on my under my eyes.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

So and listen, he's a real one for being here.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

Yeah. Um, how are you?

SPEAKER_01 1:22

I'm so good. It's been like 12 hours since I saw you last, maybe eight, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Oh god, yes. Um, we are so excited to be here today. I'm so grateful. Honestly, I think I need some wine at 10 years.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

In the morning is crazy, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Work. Here we go. Cheers.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Sister. Oh well. It's really good. Vintage. Imported from France. Oh, I didn't. You haven't worn this in a while. Yeah, I finally washed them, honestly. They were so dirty and disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

And yeah, I finally washed them. I need to do that with my Converse too. Honestly, I might do that before Pride.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Oh my god, yeah. Um, yeah, I'm wearing my little Pride Hightop Converse that I haven't worn. Also, they're platform, so you know it gives me a couple inches too. Oh, thank God. Thank God. Um, okay, y'all. Well, today we are getting into it. Yeah. Y'all know we love us a game. Hot takes takeover. What takes takeover? Oh, yeah. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. Makes me want to hot suck real bad. Okay, um, so first one. Okay, let's let's get into it. So this is a good one. Wait, okay. You shouldn't move in with someone before traveling with them.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

That's so fucking real. Yeah. I like, wow, yeah, that one ate so hard. Chomp, chomp, numb. Because like after traveling with you, I think I realized I would never want to live with you. You're such a stupid. No, no, no, no. I'm we could I could absolutely live with you. Um, but no, I do agree. I think that traveling with someone, you learn so much about them because you're just like, it's so much time. There's no breaks. Like, you don't get really get breaks from someone. And so, like, you really get to see like how much they drain your social battery and um like the day-to-day, the little things.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

I mean, yeah, I agree. It's just it is like kind of a test run, you know. It's like um even if it's like a week or two weeks or whatever, like I think a decent amount of time, like a weekend is kind of like short, I feel like, yeah, you can see that, but I feel like honestly, go on like a big trip with someone, like travel with them for a week. A two-week trip. A two-week trip. Like something like that where where you guys really are on it, you know, together for that long. Um, because then you just see like the little it's like the behind the scenes that you don't normally see, right? You know what I mean? Right, right, right. So I mean, I agree with that. I definitely think so. It's almost like, you know, when people get like a pet first to see if like how they parent together, which obviously it's different when a kid comes into play, but like it is kind of like a nice little test run.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

No, I I definitely think that that's a smart decision to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um I wish I would have maybe done that myself in the past. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Um like because how soon do you move in with someone?

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Well, my first relationship we moved in after like um two months of dating. But we ended up like living together great. Like living together was never an issue. Um two months is wild, is insane. But it was like I was young and rent was so expensive that it was like we could cut it in half, you know. That's like when I was not like balling, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just like made more sense financially. Yeah, like we were just like young and very deep in love, and so yeah, it was honestly so fun.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

I mean, I think I I'd be different now than I was before, you know. So I I get that because uh I was the opposite though. I was with my ex for three years and we never lived together. Yeah, but I think that's also because I low-key knew it wasn't like the one, the one, yeah, yeah. So I was nervous to make that commitment. I think obviously if I felt differently, I probably would have made that jump a little sooner. Yeah, but I was also at that point in my life, like just very afraid of being vulnerable. So like there was a lot to learn there.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Okay, most people know within 30 minutes if they're if they date you seriously.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

That's interesting. And thinking about it from my perspective, like when I like meet someone or when I'm on a date with someone, like yes, but also no. Because like like yes, in the sense where like you meet someone and they're like, oh my god, they're attractive. They like I feel like you can get a feel for someone that's like you would consider boyfriend material just on like their aesthetics, the way they carry themselves, the way they talk, if there's like an attraction there, and sometimes I feel like the attraction blinds you, you know. Um, I mean certain blinds certainly blinds me sometimes where I'm like, oh my god, I definitely date this person, but then it's like I don't really know them. So like would I really date this person? Like, I need definitely more than 30 minutes to know whether or not this person could be my boyfriend. But I do think in the moment it's like that smitten kind of like rose-colored glasses where you're like, oh my god, you're imagining a life with them in 30 minutes, you know.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

I I don't imagine my life with them with them. No, no, no. I just I think I'm I mean, I've always been a slowburn kind of person, but with that said, I think there's a difference between being like, oh, this person is the one, and then just being like, oh, I would date this person seriously. Right. So like if we're talking like, oh, I would give this person the time of day to like actually date them. I think if you give me 30 minutes, I'll know whether I want to actually go on more dates with you. I think that's it. You know what I mean? Like in 30 minutes, I know if I want to see you again. Yeah, yeah. Like I'll definitely be like, oh, I either, I don't know, it's like a mix of like either I can just tell from like the banter of the things we're talking about that maybe it's not a full fit, or I'm like, there's potential here, and I really do think that this could be a match. Of course, I agree. Like, I'm not like, oh, I'm in love with this person after 30 minutes because I don't know that person. You know, there's definitely a lot more to learn. But I think just for me, in terms of like that initial interaction, I feel like for the most part, not always, but for the most part, I can be like, oh, this is actually somebody that I would consider dating, right?

SPEAKER_00 7:43

You know, right, right.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Um, so yeah, but I I agree. It's like a vibe.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

And in 30 minutes, I can I can see for sure if you like we're vibing enough to that there could be potential.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Like, are you a fuck boy? Are you not? Are you you know what I mean? Like whatever it is. Like, you know, so I do think that there's no 100% some truth in that.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

Okay, well then this is on the flip end of that. Most people know within five minutes whether they date you or just hook up with you.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Okay, wait, people would know within five minutes whether they date you?

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Whether they date you or just hook up with you. So the differ the difference. So I guess maybe five and thirty. Mm-hmm. So like in 30 minutes you can tell you allegedly could see if you would like date this person, but in five, like you'd be like, No, if you'd want to hook just hook up with them.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

Um, I mean, okay, this is interesting because I didn't used to be this never was my dynamic before, but now it kind of is, strangely enough. But like I feel like before I would say yes, like I'd be like, oh yeah, within five minutes I know I'm either just gonna have a good time with you or this is what this is, or I really want to date you. Cause I I was always the kind of person who's like, if I really like you, which is still the case, like if I meet you and initially I really like you, and I'm like, oh, I could see myself, you know, really liking this person. Um, then I don't always want to hook up with you right off the bat. Like I'm usually like, let me take my time. But on the flip side, I've hooked up with people that then I'm like, oh, we had a really good time and we actually vibed before and after. Like we'll hang out, we'll chat, we'll, I don't know, anything, you know? And and have a connection where both of us honestly end up afterwards being like, hey, would you actually want to go grab a drink? So like sometimes you're surprised.

SPEAKER_00 9:26

Yeah. You know? Yeah. No, I I mean I love that route. I I love the hookup first and then go on a date after work. Um, but yeah, I mean, I yeah, I think I can tell within five minutes if I'm down to hook up with you. Yeah. But but then I think during and after the hookup is when I can tell whether or not I want to hang out with you. Yeah, whether or not this could be something like I could actually spend time with you in a normal setting.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

I agree. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's like so interesting that dynamic because I feel like it is, I feel I could be wrong, but very much a gay culture thing where it's like the hookup comes first and then the relationship comes after. Because I know friends who have gotten into relationships like that. Oh, yeah. Like they've hooked up with this person, and then they're like, oh, we really enjoyed each other and they've been dating for years.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

It's like the grinder love story. Yeah. I was actually talking about that yesterday with my straight trainer. Um, because I was like filling him in on my tea and just like, oh, whatever, I met this guy, blah, blah, blah. You know, just giving him the full rundown. And I was taught what we were talking about specifically that how like a lot of times in gay culture, it's like the hookup comes first and then the date comes second, or the interest in getting to know someone comes second. And um, and he was just like, Yeah, that's that is very interesting. Like, that's not definitely not the same. Yeah. Um, because he's like, even with his girlfriend, it's like he had to pursue her and stuff, and then you know, whatever, and then the hookup comes and whatever. It's just yeah, gay culture's it's just different. It's just two men dating are like, I don't know, it's like we're just a lot of times gay men are just eager to do a test run. Um, and then the test run will dictate whether or not they'd like to have a conversation with you.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

I mean that, but I also think it's just the nature of the hookup that honestly that's how you're meeting people sometimes is through those apps. Yeah, like you meet new people and then you're like, oh wait, this person's actually kind of cool. Yeah. So it's like I think it's just the nature of I'm not to not to say that that happens all the time, but it is very common because the hookup and the dating and the grinder is very common and prevalent in the gay group in the gay community, you know. But yeah, but it's so interesting because yeah, back back in the day, I feel like I was at that mindset and friends with a lot of straight girls and people that like that was how I approach relationships too. Yeah. But it's funny now being a little more immersed in the gay community, having more gay friends, being more open with like my sexuality and that side of things, that like I've encountered the opposite. Right. You know, right, right. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

Um, some people stay single because they secretly love the chase more than the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

I think that's a good idea. I definitely think so too. I think that a lot of other people, and I think like even like us to some extent, you know, like I think everyone enjoys a little bit of a chase. Because I think when it becomes like so easy and like so accessible, it feels like there's no like work for it. And it's like I think like a programmed thing, especially for men. Because like something within um like you know, men like to like work for things or like feel like challenged for things, like they get they can get something that's like a part for their ego. Um but I think that there's a healthy habit of chase versus you're chasing just for the ego stroke, and then the second that you get the ego stroke, you release because you're like, Well, I don't need it anymore, I got it. And I do think that's all pr also prevalent in the gay community. Yeah, because it's always like I just want to know that I could have that. Yes. And then it's like, but then we look for the next spectate. Right, right, a hundred percent. That I think is really frustrating and makes it really, really hard to lock in or commit to people.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Yeah, I agree. It's the looking for the next best thing fact of it all that I feel like is just so unfortunately common, you know what I mean? And like, yeah, I don't know, I don't know what or why, and maybe it's also common in like straight relationships, yeah. Yeah, but I do feel like I don't know, in the gay, I think we've talked about this before, but just like even being at like a gay party or something like that. It's like people are constantly like the eyes are constantly moving around the room.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

They're literally having a conversation with you, and you can see them looking at someone else.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

I'm like, Yeah, and you're like, can we focus for a second or can we just like be in this moment? So yeah, yeah, I do think that that's like a very common thing. I don't know. It's well, this kind of leads into this one. A lot of people don't want a relationship, they just want attention. For sure.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

And I feel like that's kind of along the same. No, no, no, no, a hundred percent. I I I fully agree. I mean, I feel like it's like the tough part now is that people are very vocal now about not wanting a relationship. I feel like you know, I obviously there's some people who still like fake it and like whatever, but uh a lot of people are more like confident saying that they don't want a relationship now and they just want like attention. They just want like they won't say they want attention, but they are like, oh, I you know, I am more into casual connections, like or whatever. But it's like they're doing all the relationship things with these can casual connections, but like yeah, probably with a roster full of people, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:56

And it's like they're just it's like it's getting that fix, you know. People want the cuddles, people want the dates, people want the romance and the cuteness, but they don't want the commitment at the end of the day, yeah, you know? Yeah, it's like so crazy. I like recently was talking to this boy, and we were just having a good time, whatever it was casual. But then after like he ran it through your cat. Um, I don't have a cat. I don't own a cat. I don't have any pets actually. I would love a dog sometime.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Honestly, whoof woof.

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Meow. Um, no, but basically, like we hung out a couple times and we hooked up, and then like the second or third time, he brings up the fact that he has a husband. And I'm like, work.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

I cannot.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

You could have mentioned that like two hanging up to go or like before that. And then on top of that, then he's like, Yeah, my husband lives in this part of town, and I live in this part of town. And I'm like, So you guys don't live together? You guys are in this like, I'm assuming, open relationship. I hope, because goddamn. And then like, and then you're out here just spending the night with me. I don't know. I just, and maybe I'm just like, maybe I'm just old school in that sense, I guess. I don't know, but like it's it isn't conventional, and I'm not knocking anybody for it because like if it works for you, it works for you. But at the same time, I'm like, I just sometimes I'm like, what does this commitment mean right then?

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Yeah, like what is the point of being married? No shade.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Yeah, because it's like you're not living together, you're not sharing the space, you're not making a home together. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 16:41

No, I literally have been seeing memes, like or like reels or whatever on social media in regards to like like I literally just saw this one where it's like two husband two guys holding hands on the beach and they're walking, and the one husband is like, you can see he like sees something and he's like he like pushes the the other husband around and he's like, Stop, but the the hot guy will think that um we're dating or something. And then like it like pants to the husband, he's like, I'm your husband, what do you mean? Like, whatever. And it's like, I'm like, are we really like making memes about that now? Because it's like also I this is like I think the thing that I would be scared of in regards to open relationships when it becomes so like when you have that door open, it's like, yeah, of course you're always gonna be like hungry for the next best thing. So it's like you're like probably with your husband, you see a hawkeye and you're like, Oh, it's like you know, like, oh, like I got my eyes on something because like I I'm I'm allowed to do so in this in this thing, but it's like then it's because this be this becomes boring then, what you have at home, and then you're like, wait, because you're allowing the opportunity to, you know what I mean? Which again, I think that there's different ways to do it. Yeah, I think that some couples really thrive on it, and they're like, you know, they do everything together, it's like a joint thing and whatever. But sometimes I'm like, I just wouldn't, I wouldn't want to be like marriage is such a big thing to me. That's like I would not, I wouldn't want to like go through all those steps to then get to the point where I'm like, ooh, wait, no, like I'm trying to hit on this guy.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Well, I think there's a level of respect there. If you're with a partner, because okay, let's say you're polyamorous, right? Like, yeah, that's fine. But if you're with your partner, like letting go of their hand or shoving them to the side, or basically, I mean, I know that's probably an exaggeration in the video, but at the same time, it's like, you know, shutting your partner off so that you can get attention from someone else in that moment, that never feels good. No, even if you're in, I feel like, you know, at least acknowledge the fact that we're together and you could be like, hey, we're polyamorous, but like, you know, you're cute or whatever. But like acknowledge the partner that you're with, you know, like there's just a level of respect there. So I agree. I don't know. I honestly polyamory is not for me, but uh, but I feel like even if I were, I would at least want that level of respect.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

Right, right. Right. Yeah. Okay, I have um I have one that's funny. People who clap when the plane lands should sit together in a special section.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Oh, yeah. Special section off the plane in the back. Like, girl, please. Like, like just shut up. Shut up.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

It's so annoying.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

It's like, why is that even a thing? It's like waboosh.

SPEAKER_00 19:20

Like, we don't need to be clapping, babe. Like, yeah, I'm gonna clap when you get off.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Cheer too. Woohoo, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Yeah, we don't need to be clapping on the window. That's so um, the friend who says, I don't care where we eat is always the pickiest.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Oh my god. Um, I am looking at exhibit A right here in my eye view. Yeah. You're I literally, and I mean it. Like I ask you because I'm like, hey, where do you want to eat? Because I know that you don't like certain things. And then you're like, no, I don't care.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

And I'm like, Well, I will say I can typically find something anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Yeah, but if we're gonna we're not gonna go to a Mexican restaurant.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

I literally can go to a Mexican restaurant and find food. What are you gonna eat? I can get like fajitas where I just eat like the chicken and the steak. Okay, period.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

Okay, work.

SPEAKER_00 20:11

Yeah. That's like been like my new I found something, and then I'll eat like the tortilla by itself.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

But you won't eat them together? No. Okay, well, that's yeah. No shade though. No, babe. You embarrass yourself, why don't you? Just kidding. No.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Um every friend group has one person who would absolutely survive a cult. What are your what is your take on that? And who would you?

SPEAKER_01 20:37

I was gonna say who would be the one who would be the one to survive? Okay, I mean I agree. Like, I think they're yeah, I think that's valid. Um who would be the one to survive? I feel like Nathan would be the one to survive.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

Yeah, yeah, I feel like he'd be the leader. No, I feel like he would end up running the show. He would he would be the leader. I would, I feel like I could definitely fall into a call.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

You 100%. I'd be like, she's a goner. I'd be like, please.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

Yeah, I think that could definitely be a potential.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

I also don't think, to be fair, I don't think Nathan would fall into one because I think he's too like logical and realistic. But if he were, like, I think he would be the one to survive. Yeah, yeah. I don't think I don't think I would either like fall into one, but if I did, I don't know. But like, do you have to survive a cult?

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Isn't a cult just a cult?

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Sometimes, yeah, they be killing people sometimes, like killing each other, yeah. Okay, hello, drink the Kool-Aid. Have you not heard of that? Oh, yeah, girl. So you you gotta survive. And sometimes it's like oh, I'm the first one to go. Yeah, girl. I was like, I'm the sacrificial drink the Kool-Aid. I'm like, yeah, it tastes good. No, girl, yeah, you gotta survive that, right? Yeah. Oh my god. Is a cult just a cult? Isn't it just a cult? What's the big deal?

SPEAKER_00 22:09

Did we get like a little membership badge or something?

SPEAKER_01 22:12

She is a gunner. I lost cause, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Checking in the front desk.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

Oh my god. Wait. I have a I have a good one.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 22:23

Not every boundary is healthy. Sometimes it's avoidance.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Uh this is so real. So so real. And I okay, I've maybe been on the flip end of it my whole life where like I have felt like I don't have I've always been an open book. So like maybe my boundaries haven't been the strongest, especially when I was younger. They definitely aren't more so now. But I do personally think that people with these insane boundaries, it makes it very hard to get close to them. And then I feel like you're not able to foster or cultivate very depthful friendships or relationships because you have such a wall-up and you're so at all times protecting your peace and whatever, which like listen, you should definitely protect your peace. But I do think that there comes a point where you have to sacrifice a little bit in order to foster a meaningful friendship. Like sometimes you have to do something that you don't necessarily want to do uh in that moment, and that'll be like a token of like this is me showing my love for you, you know what I mean? And I feel like we've this generation has kind of lost that a little bit because we're so, you know, all these inspirational quotes all over social media, like put yourself first, be selfish, like um protect your peace, protect your energy, protect your aura, know your worth, like all these things. And so it's like these ideas in our head that like we are all we should always be the the focal point of like our our life and our whatever. And it's like sometimes like you have to let somebody else have the spotlight, and like that's like because I feel like to me at least, love and friendships and relationships are what life is about. Yeah, you know what I mean, first and foremost. And I feel like the people that have these intense, overly strong boundaries often don't get to experience the depthful relationships. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 24:16

Yeah, I agree 100%. It's funny. I actually saw like a video a while back, it was like on social media, and it was like, you know, someone talking to the camera, and it was like, let's bring back inconveniencing ourselves for our friends. Yes. And listen, I'm not saying that we have to like bend over backwards every day and exhaust ourselves. Like, I get it, shit happens, and sometimes we are overworked and tired, and we need a moment to ourselves. Take that moment, but at the same time, it's like we pick and choose those moments. You know what I mean? Like if this is somebody that you really are like, I want this person in my life, or they mean this to me, or they're important to me, then like, yeah, inconvenience, inconvenience yourself a little bit. Like, yeah, you might be tired, but you're gonna go to your friend's showcase because you want to support them, like you know what I mean? Like correct, and again, you don't have to do it every time. I've had moments too where, like, you know, I have to be up at 5 a.m. and I'm like, listen, I'm not going to your 12 p.m. show because there's no way. 100%. But it's like if you can go and if you can be there for that person. And I think, like you said, there has been this movement, which is good and bad. Like the good part about it is that people are taking care of themselves and like speaking up for themselves, but also to what extent? Right. Like, right, you know, we're like you said, we're not allowing ourselves to let the walls down and let the guards down and open up to these people and become vulnerable and create those quality time moments with them. Yeah. Because we're just so set on that boundary.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Right, right. I mean, I think that's honestly something that really attracted me to you in regards to friendship. Like, I think that I had seen you already doing that for other people in your life. And then when you started doing it for me, I was like, oh, this is like a really real person. And you know, a lot of people are like, Oh, it's so hard to make friendships, like real, authentic friendships in LA. And I'm like, I fully agree to that sentiment. But when you do find someone that is willing to inconvenience themselves for you to make you feel special or to make you feel supported, or my god, you total your car, and your best friend is going out to dinner with someone and literally drops it just to be there for you because they know that's like a moment that they really needed you. It's like you're a real person, and like this this friendship is gonna continue to develop. And now the first opportunity that I get to inconvenience myself to support you, I am gonna be happy to do so. Of course, and that's to me what life is about.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree 100%. I mean, yeah, take care of yourself, but also be there for your people, you know. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:39

I I've had like specific people in my life that are like that, and sometimes even when you're with them, it's like even certain conversations and stuff, like you feel like you can't be fully candid with them. You know what I mean? So it's like not even in regards to like showing up places, or sometimes it's even in regards to like conversations and stuff. They're like, like, I don't, you know, like they and it's like again, you shouldn't have to like talk about anything that you don't want to talk about or like whatever. But if there's like such a boundary at all times and all avenues of you, right, then it's like I feel like at some point I'm gonna stop trying. Right. I agree.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Yeah, yeah. At some point there's nowhere else to go, you know.

SPEAKER_00 27:16

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's like no shade. Actually, like maybe a little bit. Oh my god. Ooh, okay. Your best friend should be uh your best friend should absolutely be allowed to tell you that your partner sucks.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

Oh my gosh. Yes, yes. I I know people who get upset at that, or I know people who get like like literally mad, or like I've talked to just friends of friends or whatever that are like, I could not say that to so and so because they will get mad. And I'm like, that is crazy because you're looking out for them, and I don't know, maybe I guess maybe it is like if you have a friend that is constantly just like ragging on all your guys, I get that it can be exhausting, but then it's like maybe we talk about that. Like, why is chat with them? Like, let's chat with them, let's be like, what is it? Are you just really that protective of me as a friend? Like, okay, then maybe reel it back a little bit. Or is it really that I have this pattern that like I can't shake? You know what I mean? Like sometimes we sometimes we don't want to hear it because we know what that means to us, you know what I mean? And we know that maybe we're the we're part of the problem here.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Yeah, I just think that there's always a way that you can do it. And if they're really your best friend, like you should be able to talk about anything. I understand what it's like to not want to hurt someone's dreams, you know, if they're really in la la land and like really like, oh my god, I'm just so in love or whatever. And it's like you're the one that's seeing the the red uh flags and maybe maybe they're not. However, I think that it's a more than anything, it's a token of love sometimes to be the bad guy. Um, like I really care about you, so I'm gonna make this um noticeable to you. Like, I'm gonna show you the red flags that maybe you're not seeing. And if you choose to be mad at me, then that's fine. But I know that I'm doing this with good intention because I'm trying to protect you and your future, whatever. And sometimes that may even create distance and space within the friendship.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Well you know, yeah, that was gonna be my follow-up question to that. Like, okay, let's say, because this is a real life case matter, right? Like, let's say your friend has been dating someone. I don't I don't know, it could have been a short time, let's say, but at first the guy seemed all great, or the person seemed all great, and then all of a sudden that person seems not great, but now they're gonna get married. Do you tell that person, like, I don't think this is the person you should get married to? Even if, like, let's say you knew that that person was gonna not be your friend after that, would you still tell them?

SPEAKER_00 29:49

If I loved them enough, yes. Yeah, like if I if that was someone, like, yeah, like if that's my if that's my best friend, like if you were gonna marry someone, yeah, like you were planning on marrying someone and they were not treating you how I felt, feel like you deserved to be treated, or I felt like you were never you were never gonna live a fulfilled life, I would tell you, even if that meant like letting go of the friendship, yeah. Um, and like it would just be what it what it was, but I feel like if that happened and you still decided to marry them or whatever, like and you, you know, were like came back to me at one point, were like, wow, you were so right, like whatever, like I feel like I would still be there to help you pick up the pieces.

SPEAKER_01 30:33

I agree. For me, it's like I because I've been not to that gravity of a situation, but a similar situation where I have had to talk to a friend about their partner and be like, hey, I don't think this is right, you know, like I think there's something wrong here. Um, or just like this is not the right person for you. And as much as it sucked to do that because I knew it would gonna kinda kind of crumble the friendship. I still did it because I was like, I hope that down the line, if things get to a point where you need to leave, you can at least hear my voice in the back of your head. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like you can at least be like, I know that I'm not alone in thinking this, I'm not crazy. I know that I've heard this before. So like I'm gonna make that decision to leave, you know?

SPEAKER_00 31:15

I was on the other side of it, kind of. Um, like I I lived with one of my best friends, and I lived with my ex-boyfriend at the time. And everyone in my life kind of knew that this was like not gonna be the person for me, and that this person was not necessarily treating me how I deserved to be treated. I was not operating at a high frequency throughout the relationship. And so me and my like best friend at the time, like we distanced ourselves, like we we I we lived together, we never hung out. And um, like that was definitely my bad, you know. Like I wasn't prioritizing and I was kind of like you just get so caught up in like the toxic thing, and it's like you just want to do anything to make this relationship work that you're willing to sacrifice like the closeness of your friendships, and I think that that's the real unfortunate part. But you know, again, once I was out of it and in the clear and now healed, I look back and I'm like, dang, I'm so sorry. You know, I've apologized, and you know, he's been there to pick up help me pick up the pieces since then, and everything's fine now, but yeah, that's like a real thing.

SPEAKER_01 32:20

Yeah, that's real, and sometimes that's hard to get back to, but at the same time, it's not impossible, you know. Yeah, um my god, that's funny. Okay, wait. This is more like just a lighthearted one, but if you walk slowly in a crowded area, you should have to pull over like a car.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

I say that because a car. Honestly, I agree. Put that bitch in park.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Okay, like we should have lane, like how we have on the freeway, like lanes, speed lanes.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Like if you're on the right, you're going slower. I just seen um in I don't know if it's Japan. I think, I think either in Japan or somewhere, they just created that lane, walking lanes, like on the side of the street. Like, this is the slow lane. Oh my god, and this is like this is the fast lane. I'm always in the fast lane, no matter what. Me too. People always complain about how I always walk too fast. And I I think I'm just like always saying, like, I need to get to point A to point B. Like I have somewhere to go.

SPEAKER_01 33:32

Well, they also say that, like, why do gay men walk so fast? Is that a thing? Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

I've always heard like because people always say, Oh, it's from your because you're from the East Coast.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

No, I've just heard like I've heard that it's like people are always like, there's always memes on social media too, or like videos, jokes, whatever. Yeah, how people are like, oh, uh, Google Maps says it'll take me 20 minutes to walk there, but I'm gay, so it'll take me 10.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

Honestly, that's so real. And it's like, why do we walk so fast? I don't know. I just am always, I gotta get somewhere. We're the we do the same thing when we're eating too. Oh my god, we're both like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

I I get that for sure from like my mom. Because I feel like it also just my parents are very like go, go, go people, you know. And my mom, especially that my mom was always the kind of mom who would be like cooking and serving us food, and she'd be like eating as she's cooking or eating on the counter, and then she'd be like taking us to school and then going to work, and like she was always on the go. But like I picked that up from her. Like, honestly, sometimes I'll get home in between like sessions or classes or something, and I'll find myself just like standing up and eating, and I'm like, sit down, like you can sit down for 15 minutes, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, you know. So, like, I think that's maybe not the best habit. I do need to like slow down when it comes to that. I agree, but it is such a thing. I don't know, but I'm the same way when I walk.

SPEAKER_00 34:45

Yeah. Um I got this is a real to this is a read to us.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

Wait, oh my god, this is kind of funny.

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Oh wait, did you No, it's fine, go. No, no, go, go, go. Um, I mean, we don't even have to discuss it. I just think it's funny. Um the gay community complains about hookup culture when actively participating.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

Oh, 100%. Guilty as charged. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

And do.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

And do and what and will. I'll keep complaining. Wow, I'll keep complaining.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

No, I will for sure keep complaining. But it's like I also keep participating.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

Yeah, I'm a part of the problem.

SPEAKER_00 35:35

Listen, until my until my husband like sweeps me up. Right, right, right. But I'm single, so let me know.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Um, this one's funny. There should be a Yelp for exes. Oh. What do you think your rating would be?

SPEAKER_00 35:55

Um Truthfully, truthfully. Uh my, it's like I would be maybe like, I mean, I feel like I would only really have two ratings.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

Okay, and what would they be?

SPEAKER_00 36:10

I think like, but if they it was averaged out, it would be like a five, because I think one would give me a ten, and I think one would give me like a zero. So it would end up like at five.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

Wait, okay, but out of five stars, like what would your rating be? So five and zero.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

So then it would be like average would be like two and a half.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Okay, three. Yeah, yeah. Um, I feel like I'd be like a three and a half, maybe four. Not quite there, but like, you know, not the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, maybe a three.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Yeah, like I would have, yeah, I I'd have two, like I'd have a really good review and then a really bad review.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

And I think it would be like mine would be. I just I I look back at like how I was in my past relationships, and I was just so afraid to like dive deep. Yeah. That like I definitely had a wallop. So I feel like that kind of caused some issues, you know? So yeah. Oh, am I boring? I'm just kidding. Yeah, God, move on to the next one, please. Um, the funniest person in the friend group is usually the most emotionally unstable. A hundred percent, and it's me.

SPEAKER_00 37:16

A hundred percent. People like they people literally actually like comedy can a lot of comedians have this is like dark, but a lot of comedians have no killed themselves, like, or whatever, which is like so it's so interesting to think about because sometimes like the the people who show up with like the lightest energy in the room and like are like the funniest and the warmest and like the most that you're like attracted to their like spirit are often like the most like deeply wounded and whatever. And I I think that that that is so fascinating how like comedy is tied to like internal warground, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 37:52

Like statistically has been I think it's like people you sometimes it's like that's how you deal with your like trauma and your um I guess emotional instability, like you use it humors the way that you let that out.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I think just speaking from personal um my personal experience, like I would say that I've been through a lot in life, like been through probably more than the average person. And I turn everything into comedy. Like everything is funny to me. Like I but it's just like a way to keep the the darkness light, yeah, you know, because you don't want to just like walk around like making other people feel your heaviness or some of the things that you've been through when it's like you can bring light to them and it to be able to make people smile from them. I feel like uh helps you heal from some of the things that you've been through. I agree, you know. Sometimes I do it like in access, and maybe I should I could cool it a little bit, but it just it makes the the heaviness lighter. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

Yeah, a coping mechanism. Um sleeping with socks on is suspicious behavior. That is disgusting. I let them breathe, babe.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

I that is disgusting. Like, I'm so sorry. That's such a rad flag. Like, take your fucking socks off. Take your socks off. Like, I that is so I guess like okay, if it's like bitch, I know your feet are sweating. Like, I know your feature.

SPEAKER_01 39:15

Well, okay, I was gonna say if it's like cold out and your feet are naturally like some people have like, what is it? Like when you're anemia. Yeah, like anemic. When you're like toes and fingers, like, okay, I get it. If you have a heater brape, turn it on. But also, I like to be cozyed up in my bed, like, you know, so like no, I want the blankets to be for rigid when I'm sleeping.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

Like, I want it to be so cold that like there's like icicles on my eyelashes. But I like to be like from the tears can't cry. No, genuinely, yeah, probably. But like I just like to be like cuddled up, like snuggled up in bed and like whatever. But like, yes, the socks to sleep is always been so yeah, yeah, weird to me. Like, no shade.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Again, like, yeah, I think I've only done it maybe a couple times when I'm like in the cold and I'm like my feet are cold, but like, no, babe. I think also just like being a fitness instructor, any chance that I get to like let my feet breathe, I like let them breathe because girl, we are sweating, we're working out, we're in the like I'm like, no, we have to let them breathe. We need to make a moment, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

So, like, I just think it's like like I get yeah, icked out when it's like the socks are on. No, no, no, me too, me too, me too. Some friendships last too long because nobody wants to be the bad guy. Honestly, exhibit A.

SPEAKER_01 40:38

I'm just kidding, clogged. I'm like, honestly, I'm only doing this because I felt bad for you. No, I'm just kidding, it here. Yeah, thank you so much for listening, everybody. No, no, no. I I guess, hmm. Yeah, that I feel like that can be totally the case. A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 40:56

Yeah, I like and I feel like I'm even guilty of this, like where it's like I can like like someone or be like, oh, you're a cool person, and just really try to make a friendship work out of like I don't want to say empathy, but like you know, like I there's been a lot of times in my life where I feel like maybe like this person has needed my friendship more than I've needed theirs, you know, and I am just like a compassionate person. So I'm like, oh, like let me just give me give them my energy because I feel like they need it, maybe at this point in their life when it's like when maybe the friendship is not really serving me. Yeah. Um and so I feel like that is an example of someone not wanting to be the bad guy and like being like, hey, listen, like you know, it's all it's also really hard to say to someone, I like who you are as a person, but I just don't think that we should be friends. Like I don't see you as like someone as a friend in my life. So oftentimes people are just like, Oh yeah, I'll go get lunch with this person once every few months, just to like keep the interaction going. When it's like, is that really something that's I agree, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

Really, you put it in the best way possible. I think is because I I relate to that, is like when you feel like somebody needs that friendship or needs that energy, like I think we both are similar in that way when it comes to people, just like in like we want people to feel safe at home, comfortable, you know. Like I never want anyone to feel like neglected or just anything, you know. So I am the same way. Like, I'll I'll definitely, if I like someone's energy, if I think they're a sweet person, whatever, like, yeah, let's grab lunch and stuff. And sometimes it just ends up that, like, okay, maybe we don't really have that much in common, or maybe I, you know, maybe we won't be like best friends because we just don't uh spend our time the same way or whatever it is, right? But it's like hard to how do you tell someone that, you know? So it can be hard to then separate yourself in that sense, but it's not because you don't like them, it's just because you're probably just not compatible in that sense.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

Yeah, yeah. I could think of a few. Oh my god. No, I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

On that note, yeah. This has been so fun, so blessed.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

Blessings.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

Well, love you guys so much. Thank you for tuning in. We have more to come, so stay tuned. Illy Amelie.