Ep 14: Perimenopause is a mirror of your life

What if your perimenopause symptoms weren't something to push through but something to listen to?

That is the question sitting at the heart of today's episode and it's one I'm exploring very much from the inside out. Because right now, I am in it. And what this threshold is revealing to me is more than I ever expected.

Over the past few months, my body has been speaking louder than ever before. Extreme hunger that felt almost unbearable. Exhaustion so deep that whole days disappeared. Skin so dry that nothing touched it. And as I've sat with each of these symptoms, really sat with them, rather than overriding them, I've started to see a pattern. Not just hormonal shifts, but a deeper story being told.

Every symptom, I believe, is a mirror. A reflection of where we have pushed too hard for too long. Where we have nourished everyone else and forgotten ourselves. Where we have lived on autopilot, following the rules we were handed and quietly abandoning our own needs along the way. Perimenopause, in all of its intensity and unpredictability, has a way of making that impossible to ignore anymore.

In this episode, I'm sharing what my own symptoms have reflected back to me, including years on the mini pill, decades of powering through, prioritising convenience over nourishment and putting myself firmly at the bottom of the list. I'm talking about what it means to finally stop and listen to your body rather than override it. I'm exploring the sacred nature of this threshold, the crone archetype and why this energy and this kind of deep inner listening is something every woman can access, regardless of where she is in her cycle or her life.

I'm also sharing the three foundations I'm putting in place for myself right now, simple, unglamorous and completely necessary and why I believe that the more inner work we do before perimenopause, the more we are able to meet this threshold with openness rather than resistance.

This episode is not a guide. It's not advice from the other side. It's a real, honest, in-the-moment conversation from a woman who is walking this path consciously and wants you to know: you don't have to walk it alone and you don't have to be ashamed of any of it.

Because we need to start talking about this. Openly, honestly, and without apology. 🌿

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to today's episode of Of Silk and Soil. I am so grateful for you to be here. Now today I feel like I'm going a little bit off peace, but it is not because it's something that I'm going through and I know millions of women going through and it's something I guess that's because I'm going through it, it's so close to my heart. Um yeah, and that is like talking a little bit more about paramenopause. I know at the beginning of this podcast, like one of the earlier episodes, I've gone into like my like my current experience, and obviously going through this threshold because it is a threshold, I'm getting more and more insights and also I guess symptoms. And so to today I really wanted to have a look at how perimenopause is really a mirror to our life and how we lived our life, yeah, how we lived our life in the past, and I guess before like diving into all of this, it's currently like 10 o'clock. I've had like my third meal of the day. I've um had over the last couple of days like this new I guess symptom of like feeling absolutely extreme hunger, like to the point that I've never experienced it before in my life at all. Um and with that came a lot of fatigue, exhaustion, not being able to move and like all of these fun things, and which is essentially why what triggered this whole like deeper investigation and what is actually going on within my body. Now to say at the moment, um at this moment in time my cycles are still regular and I can pinpoint this these symptoms to the luteal phase summer inner autumn and the droppal formines. Not that I realised it straight away, but like yeah, I realised this morning, so better late than ever, and this is why it's I find it also so so helpful to like really document all of the symptoms that I'm having because I can go back and have a look through and see the patterns. Um sometimes, like today, I'm actually able to see the patterns straight away because it coincides with my luteo phase and the drop in hormones of that. So this is what really sort of sparked this episode because yes, like yesterday I was not able to do anything at all. I was it was luckily for me, I guess it was a work day, so I didn't have my daughter, she was at nursery, so I could actually have time to rest during the day a little bit. But it's it really highlighted how much of an impact this is having on me. And so far, like my my symptoms have been like very minor in a sense of like my I've I've still got a regular cycle. Um the o like at the end of last year, if you've not listened to the um other episode at the sort of second half of last year, I energetically realised that I've crossed the path or crossed the threshold into perimenopause. There was no particular reason that triggered that, it was just a feeling, like the knowing, like my like my inner knowing, and which was like I was like okay, fine, just almost forgot about it because I had no symptoms it was like I was just normal essentially, the way that always was. And then beginning of this year, I started to get like really dry skin, and my lips were like really really dry. Like again, I've never experienced anything like it in my life. Like, no matter what I was doing, it just wasn't helping. Like, I was drinking a lot more, it wasn't helping, was putting on um beeswax just to help it. Nothing really helped, and then it all of a sudden it disappeared. Didn't really notice either that it disappeared, I just when it was like record I was doing a life earlier on. I was like, Oh yeah, that's actually disappeared now, but those so far really have been the only real symptoms that I've been having until like yesterday where like this hunger was it it's it was almost unbearable, and because is it was literally like there was a huge hole in my stomach that just could not be filled, and like last night it got so bad, like I was I woke up at this one point with hunger, and like I was like feeling really sick and really nauseous, and I'm just like oh gosh. So today, as I said, it's 10 o'clock, I've had my third meal. Knowing that this had to do with my hormone job, I put in well when I say put in, I'm very much aware of what I'm eating at the moment, number one, and number two, I'm making sure I'm eating every three to four hours. So having gotten up at five o'clock, apparently 10am, I I'm on my third meal, but to be fair, and now I feel a lot better than I was yesterday. I can still feel that there is something different, I can still feel like the hormones, and it's it's it sounds really strange, but I'm really tuned in like with myself and with my body, so I know my body in its in a sense is not back to itself or back like hormone-wise, but I feel better, so definitely the the eating part is really like working, and this is like really where this has all come from because when I was like looking at like this pure exhaustion where this is like sort of come like not necessarily come from but where this has been played out within my life, because so all of these I be I believe like all of these symptoms that we're having, the physical symptoms, they're literally just a mirror of what's happened in in my in our lives and where we have maybe abandoned ourselves and sort of looking at the like the the pure exhaustion I can I can see really clearly it's got to do with like me being like on the minipill for decades, just really ignoring and abandoning my cycle and just living like in a very masculine world and always just keep going, keep going, keep going, and now that I'm in this threshold my body's just like I know you've like I know you've changed and you listen, but like fuck me, like really did we have to do that? So I'm I'm really looking at like looking at it as like a whole big pick picture, and there's gonna be like a lot more work for myself I'm gonna be doing around that and like a lot of journaling, but it's it's like with this exhaustion, I'm just like gee, like yes, I've I had this exhaustion and I've had this exhaustion when once I've come off the pill, um because I want to say in my early 30s I came off the pill because I was planning like longer term, I wanted to get pregnant. Not that I had a boyfriend at the time, but that doesn't matter. I I knew I knew what my plan was in my head, so it's like if I come off of um of the pill, let my body like sort itself out, and even then, like on the like monthly thresholds of going into the period and into the release of the blood, the exhaustion then was real, but yet I powered through, and this is almost like a wake-up call to sort of say, like, no, we're not powering through, we are like absolutely honouring where we are right now. We yes, we have obligations, we have things that we need to do, and I get that, but there is no more of this rubbish of let's just power through because of the sake of it, because you know, someone else said you have to post, or someone else said you have to be there, do something, whatever it is. So that's like really like it's it's like highlighting, I guess, like a lot of the things for me. That's like where am I like where I'm just doing things for other people, where I'm just exhausting myself just for the sake of it, just because of conditioning, just because of stories I've been telling myself that's that others I guess have been telling have have been telling me and like the same like with the like hunger, like with the extreme hunger, it's just like and and that's you know it's this is where where sort of my brain and arm going, but it's like where have I like not looked after my body in terms of nutritious food? Where have I just eaten absolute crap because it was convenient or for whatever else reasons, right? And I mean I was talking to my husband about this yes last night at at the dinner table, and I was like, Well, you know, I want to do like more like nutritious food, like really priority prioritizing protein and all of this, and I looked at her, I was like looking at my plate when I made um fish fingers and chips for me and my daughter because it was quick and I just didn't have to eat like energy, and I was like, Well, this is like the best example of like shit that I shouldn't be eating really and it's but it's easy and convenient, right? So I have to like find my own ways and like own things, like quick meals essentially that I can just throw together for myself and my daughter ideally. But it's it's also like where in my life have I like neglected like really nourishing myself from the inside out. And I can tell you that's probably the majority of my life, at least adult life. Like I've I know for like the majority of it, probably about 80% if not more, I've gone more for convenience than anything else. I mean I don't and I'm I'm saying this very clearly, I I'm not a fan of calorie counting and I never have done that. Um I'm more looking at like what is actually on my plate and in this like sort of part of my life, really prioritizing protein and like being healthy essentially, which then also like obviously looking after the body, like which is like where this whole hunger I guess like encompasses and going into like deeper inside of me, it's like looking after my body altogether in terms of like movement and workouts and just generally what what whatever like that means and that might be like moisturizing myself every day and like these things that we don't really I guess necessarily think about, but when I my skin was like really dry at the beginning of the year, I'm just like this I can't I I literally cannot live like this, like my skin is it's it's hurting. So I started to moisturize myself and I realized like it's not something that I've really done. I've gone through like spells, especially especially like in my teenage years, where I'm just like oh yeah, let's put some moisturizer on and like all like fake tan and all a combination of those things, right? But it's just like especially like since becoming a mum and everything, it's like nope, like I'm last essentially, and now that balance is like really shifting. It's just like through especially like the last couple of days, I'm just like no no, I have to really prioritize myself now because I want to be there for my daughter, I want to be be there for my husband, I want to be there for myself, for my clients, for my business. So I need to like really start prioritizing myself. So um I have not worked it out a hundred percent yet, but I'm almost like setting myself like a little not challenge because I hate that word because I hate challenges, um, but putting something into place where I just literally like have nutritious food every day, I prioritise my sleep, so I have early nights and have daily movement. There's gonna be like other bits and pieces within that as well, but I actually need to like sit down and just like see what comes through what I actually want to do, but like those like those three things so nutritious food, sleep and movement, it's like really I think for the where I am in my life at the moment, it's like really the foundation of like for my body, and it's just really like going with all of that, and like this and you know, with all of the you can you can go through this with all of your symptoms if you have any symptoms and just see what comes up because that's that's the thing, even though with the hunger part, for example, like doing workouts and movement is not necessarily linked to that, but it is at the same time for me, and there is like no right or wrong at all, it's just what comes up for you and like the bigger picture, and I believe that it's like highlighting where you maybe have to do some healing as well. May that just be in the form of like looking more after yourself because that's healing in itself, right? Like self-care is healing, and like I guess the sort of second part of this, all of this is like when we're looking at all of this and this threshold, this is like so so so like extremely sacred with like coming back to our true selves. There is this like trend going around at the moment, maybe it's it's just past it actually, I don't know. But essentially where it's saying like the things that I liked in my teens, I then abandoned, and now like in my 40s, 50s, whatever, 30s, now I like these things again. And funny enough, I I did say these same words to my shamanic healer, and it's just it's just coming back to ourselves, and that's what I mean, right? As adults, we are conditioned, we have we there are expectations put on us, and we just live a lot of times just an autopilot, and like going through this like perimenopausal threshold, going into menopause, it's really like almost a cloak coming off, and just really stepping into what is true for you, which is why it's so like so so important just to have a look at these things, like at your symptoms, and see the bigger picture of it, because that's really what this is this is what gets you like deeper into yourself and reconnecting back to yourself because then that in itself is a practice of listening inwards, and that's often what we've forgotten, right? It's just to how to actually listen inwards and how to trust that, and like with these little things, we can really really do that. We can really start to listen what's coming up and trust that. If you are at the stage where you're not in parimenopause, this is something that you can access as well, like this. There's the crone archetype, which is when you're going through menopause, which is where you're stepping into like the old wise woman, and that old wise woman, that sort of energy is like within you. You've we've got all of the different archetypes within ourselves as women, and if you are at a place at the moment where you're just like maybe you're in your early 20s, but it's like no, I really want to step like into like my true self, like I want to let go of all of this shit that's been passed down to me, just really tap into your crone archetype, into your crone energy, and just like see and use your if you're doing that. I honestly would say do this with your monthly cycle. So, especially when you have symptoms in your monthly cycle, maybe do meditation, maybe connect with your current energy and just see what does it tell you, you know. Cramps, and I say cramps because that's that used to be like my main symptom, cramps, and then I guess exhaustion, but the exhaustion is because we don't slow down. But where where do the cramps come from? What did I do in the last month, last three months? Because it's it usually takes about three months for the symptoms to show up. Um what happened, and this is also why it's so important to really track your symptoms because they don't come straight away, but you can use like this energy, like if you're not in perimenopause, even if you're in perimenopause, you can still access like this crone archetype energy and just really like tap into like that inner wisdom and that almost like the inner fuck it. Like apparently I'm swearing a lot today, but um it's really something for you to like honour within you as well, like our bodies are always speaking to us, and it it doesn't matter in what part of our lives we are, it's amazing what actually happens when we sort of stop and listen, and instead of overriding the symptoms, and I did I've done that a lot probably and I now go probably too much to the opposite end of the spectrum where I don't like get any help essentially, like where I don't take any painkillers when I really should be taking painkillers, but I just don't necessarily believe in it, so it's just finding like really what's right for you and like really listening to the body because all of the symptoms that physical symptoms that we're having, it's speaking to something and it's you know, especially when you're in perimenopause, a lot of that's hormonal. And like today when it's like when I realize it's the dip. going into my lute or face I was like okay fine at least I guess it explained it and I can almost negate it next month because I'm gonna be like on the ball with like with my workouts with my movement my sleep my food and so it's it's it's gonna be an interesting journey and just seeing what else I guess comes up but this is really what I wanted to share with you today because like I'm in it and I do I'm very grateful that I'm in it in the way that I am because it's the I feel as if the first real threshold that I'm going through conscious and like all of like the connections that I make essentially with my body like spiritually and with everything that's going on I know it's just getting me so so much deeper into my true self and this is what this whole journey into parimen through par God through perimenopause is um so it's it's that lovely journey into ourselves with all that we are right and the I guess the more you can do the work before perimenopause let go of all of the crap I want to say the probably the easier it will be for you and I say this I feel very lucky in terms of the symptoms that I'm having because I know where I've like neglected my body and everything for such a long time I know that this is only just the beginning and there's gonna be a lot more that I'll have to deal with and you know that's fine I'll deal with it it's but I say it's like this whole journey is like really a mirror of our life and where we can be a little bit more ourselves and a little bit more connected to our deepest self because if you're around if if you've been around here for a while you know I talk about you know we've got layers like we're peeling back the layers of ourselves and I think especially in perimenopause those layers are being peeled back a lot quicker and if you have a lot of layers like I for example do then they're gonna be peeled back even quicker sometimes which then also means like what is coming through you're like you're letting go of so much in one go and this is why I keep saying like I don't recognise myself from like the beginning of 2025 for example which is just it's less than 18 months ago I can't tell you where like I can't tell you who I was then because every single month when I'm going through my cycle I'm shedding so much put on top of that like that I'm perimenopausal and I'm going through this threshold in parallel with my psych still going at the moment there is so much that's shedding and so much that's coming through and like sometimes it's just like so overwhelming I'm not gonna lie and running your business around that and like sharing these bits like it's it's not easy sometimes but then likewise it's it's a conversation I truly believe has to be had because it's not a conversation that a lot of us have I know I fool like I haven't and maybe I'm just in the wrong circles for that and that's that's again that's something for me to have a look at but it's like a lot of these like this the symptoms I've had so far like the dry skin like the extreme hunger like no one is talking about that and I find it like really interesting that we are not talking about it because I don't believe it's something for us to be ashamed of but if we're not talking about it it almost indicates that we are ashamed of that. I hope that makes sense. I don't actually know where this is going right now because I've said everything I wanted to say that I've sort of made a note of but clearly apparently I'm was it word vomiting so I'm just like coming out with what is coming through at the moment because I I feel like this is such a huge threshold for women it's like it's it's coming full circle right we've gone through the first manarch coming going from our maiden into motherhood mother whether or not you've actually birthed a child that's a differ that doesn't matter it's a different story and then we're moving into the crone archetype which is we're moving through at the moment like I'm moving through this threshold into crone and it's as I say I'm so grateful that I'm conscious I'm I'm on this journey completely conscious and like aware and open and I'm actually really excited about it despite like the symptoms knocking me sideways yesterday but it's I almost there's almost like a bit that's almost giving me like a little bit of a new purpose in life and that that partly is just to share this journey with like this rawness as it is and not knowing the whole picture because we hear it often that we you know I should only share when we've come out of the other side and all of that and I'm just like if I do this with the paramenopause like that's not gonna be for a few years. I was like by then I won't like I literally will not remember because it's not like in the moment and this is why I love like sharing these things in the moment and you know in a month time or three month time or whatever I might say something the complete opposite to what I'm saying now because I've grown I've learned something else and that's changed my mind or that's changed my experience or whatever it is so but this is why I like sharing like in the moment and because like we're living in the moment right we should be living in a moment not in the past or in the future it's all about like what's going on right now and that's what I'm sharing with you and I think this is actually everything I want to come through today so thank you very much if you stayed here until now if there's ever anything any topic that you would like me to cover just let me know my contact details are in just in the description in the show notes um so yeah just let me know and I'll cover them for you. But for the moment thank you so much and I will speak to you next week bye