Ep 15: When Your Soul Finds Its Roots: Lineage, Gifts & Burning It All Down

In this episode, I'm sharing something that has genuinely shaken me to my core this week, in the most beautiful, grounding, world-expanding way. It started with a conversation with my shamanic healer about lineage and gifts and it sent me down a rabbit hole that I am still processing as I sit down to record this.

It turns out I was born in one of the most ancient cities in all of northern Europe. A city founded by the Celts. A place where the veil between worlds has been thin for millennia. A place deeply connected to an ancient healing tradition called Braucherei, one where women who practised it were so often called witches. And as I started pulling on that thread, more threads appeared. Connections to France. To the Cathars. To the sacred feminine. To the land we now call home. Even to my daughter's name.

Layer upon layer, it all started to make sense. The ancient knowing I have always felt but never been able to explain. The memories that live in my body that are not my own. The gifts I have always had but struggled to find the words for. All of it, finally, clicking into place.

In this episode I talk about what it truly means to trace your lineage, not through names and dates, but through energy, memory and land. I share what the concept of a Völva is and why it stopped me in my tracks. I explore Braucherei and why discovering it felt like finally finding the word for something I have been doing my whole life. And I open up about the very real, very vulnerable business decision I made this week, to close a container that no longer felt in integrity with who I am becoming, and why sometimes honouring yourself means making the hard call.

This episode is raw, wide-ranging and honestly a little bit all over the place, because that is exactly where I am right now. My world is being turned upside down and rebuilt from the foundations up and I would not have it any other way.

If you have ever felt like there is a part of you that you just cannot quite reach or a knowing inside you that you cannot explain or a pull toward something you do not yet have the words for, this episode is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to today's episode of Of Silken Soil. I am so grateful and happy that you are here joining me today. Now before we start off, just making sure that you maybe have your favourite beverage to hand. I currently sit here with a cup of tea, herbal tea. Um I was gonna make a cow, but then something drew me to the tea, which usually is a sign that I will be talking a lot, so and I won't have much of my drink. And it this is I guess where we start off today. In like this past few days, especially have been very much a lot for me. I've uncovered a like a load of things that have like really taken me to my own depth, which I never thought was possible or such. And there is a lot of changes going on at the moment, like my life essentially kept trying to catch up with where my soul is. So this is pretty much the conversation that we are having today, and it is a conversation, and it all started off this week when my shamanic healer we were talking about like our gifts, our lineage, like where we're coming from, what who we who we are, and she suggested because I had like no idea where to like really start, and she suggested just to start by looking at like where you come from, like the area, because I'm from Germany, so I'm not even from this land where I'm living at the moment. I am originally from Germany, so that's where I was born and spent still most of my life there. It's getting close to being here most of my life, but um yeah, so I when when I was having my call with her, I like mentioned a forest, and then after the call I realized that's not actually the forest that that it was. So I started to like really have a look at like the geography of things and found the forest I was actually talking about that combined with like where I was born, it really started to like I just I like honestly I just didn't know like my mind was like completely like blown away essentially so essentially I was born in like one of the most ancient cities in all of northern Europe. Now I've always felt like there is like this like ancient knowledge within within me, and I've I've not really had the explanation. Like my if you've been along, if you've been here for a while, then you you probably know that my brain is sort of trying to understand a lot and needs to almost justify things. They're really very much like two two parts of me. It's more like the I guess feminine flow spiritual part, and then I'm more like the masculine, more like the practical side of things, and like the practical side of things, like really try to understand where this like ancient knowledge and like this ancient like just being like there was something ancient inside of me where that was coming from, and it wasn't until I really looked into like my birthplace that it started to actually click. It was like it's one of the most ancient cities in all of northern Europe, like letting that sink in like the I guess for me the the the magnitude of that. So this city was established by the um Celtics, um who was who called it originally. Let me just try to read this out because I can't let's let's face it, I can't remember that. It was called Borbitomagis, which means a settlement in a watery area. Now, when I was in doing my shamanic journey with the heater, like I heard a lot of water, like dripping, like raindrops, like flowing water in the stream. No idea where that came from. Like reading all of this, going like really looking into all of this, it started to make sense. It was like one of the like water is essentially one of my my sort of gifts of the of my lineage, and where we were just talking about this month all about like the gifts, the lineage, it makes absolutely sense now. Looking back and it's really like the like how old like this place was where I was born. It like as you can tell it's it's still absolutely like blows my mind now. This city that I was um born in like when it was a satellite forest, it then later grew into like a Roman town and like layer upon layer there was like really like a sacred energy that was there, and it's so funny because like I didn't know because I was I was in quotation only born there. I moved I was living at like a town a little bit away from there, and that town is at the edge of that forest, and it's again like the the forest. I fight I feel very much at home in the forest, and it's like it's really the place, and like all of the places like those where I was born, where I was living um when I was a young kid, like all of these places are places where the veil between worlds has been really really thin for millennia. So me having like these like gifts of seeing of knowing of all of the gifts that I've like I guess developed over the years really started to make sense, like all of the everything I questioned myself for for years like is this even real? Like, why can I not put this in words? And it's it is starting to make sense now, like literally a week after my 43rd birthday, it's just starting to all come together really for me, and within like that forest, that area, the city that I was born in, like the like oldest, well not maybe not like the oldest, but there is a older healing tradition called braucherei and that was first recorded over there and people especially women who have done this braucherei, which is like it's just a like as I said it's a healing tradition, they were often classed as witches, so I I'm pretty sure I've talked about this on my podcast. I'll have a look, if not I'll I'll actually record a separate one for this, but I'm pretty sure I've talked about when are my memories about being a witch with my daughter like running away from persecution. Obviously, that's a very short story. Um and all of that is part of like this tradition and this the magic my lineage and it's I can't like it's it's hitting home so so so much because me starting to understand my root of the lineage and I guess the stories and where I really came from it's like really it's bringing me home in like a very different way. I felt like really anchored before, but like that was almost like a that huge missing piece because it is huge, it's something that I've it seems so obvious now, obviously, but like looking back, it's not something that I've really like looked into, like I've always like almost like looked forward, but not really back to where I was truly coming from because as I said to like my healer, like my granddad, he looked into where like our family comes from, like the family name, all of that. So I know part of that, whatever I remember, but that's not what it was about for me, really. That's not what I what I needed to know. I really needed to know like where my roots were, where it was that, where I was coming from, and where my memories, because I have got a lot of memories which are not my own memories, and that in itself that is one of the gifts, and I know now I understand that those are the the memories of that's been passed down to me in within my lineage from all of the other women and it's it's been such a joy really just to get really get lost into all of these things and like all of like these little threats and I can only like really highly recommend you start looking into like your own like lineage or history like and see where it takes you because there is no there's no right right or wrong that in my word there never is anyway because once I started to um look at that um it was then like some of the grim stories came up that are quite um appropriate like to my story, to my lineage essentially, which then led into like Red Riding Hood Little Red Riding Hood, which is like there's an aura French version of that. So I sort of went on to like a French like almost tangent because I I like France, I've been to Paris many times. We are going on a road trip to France this year, this summer, and I was like I was just like starting to like investigate if there is a like link between like where I came from with France, and lo and behold, I guess if you think about it, unsurprisingly there is to me it was just again that's absolutely like what on earth is like really um because where I was born the people from there they migrated to become the founders of Burgundy in France so it's that is like one of the things um and like there is like a very strong like link to the cathors um of the south of France and as soon as I read that like something inside of me like went just like what because we are got driving we are driving to the south of France so my like I started to like really go into that and it's it's funny because the cathars like the south of France where the area that we are going to is literally Cathar country and there is a place that has like a huge significance and um I know I'm gonna like do a whole separate podcast around that once we've been there but it's like like women like were like really honored there and like the the landscape of like just that area, just that whole area really holds the memory of what was destroyed with the Catholics and it's like the more I looked into all of these things the more like links there were and like the more it just like almost like my world fell apart but came together at the same time and like I wanna say like almost unsurprisingly like my daughter's name Sophia and Sophia is the daughter name for the Kathar Feminine Democrat feminine divine and it's like it's honestly like looking at all like looking at everything that I've I've found out like so much more and I'm not gonna go into like every single detail but it really it makes so much sense like my life until now where I've been moving around, I've been like switching countries, I've been living in different places, it never made made sense to me. It almost felt like a little bit like wishy washy that couldn't like almost settle down and that was almost I was pulled and I was like following that pull without being able to really understand it, and then it like turns out where we are now where we bought our house again. I guess almost unsurprisingly, like literally two minutes from where we live, there is a road with a like an absolute ancient well in it where some of the myths and the stories where I come from back in Germany there being I don't want to say replicated here, but they're being still those traditions are still being done on that well, and I'm just like I didn't even know this was there, and like this is the thing I guess this has been such like a fun almost like little exploration for me because it's given me like so much root, it's I understand my as I say my whole life like a lot better. Like I understand my lineage, the gifts that have been passed down to me, like the memories that I have that make absolutely no sense, but they live within my body, and there are some memories that I've had since my daughter was like literally six months old. It was something obviously because she was so little, something like happened in like my lineage, like that that's very specific, and just the fact that I have that memory of it, I know I I know that I'm here to heal it, and um it's the the fact that I just I have these memories to to begin with because also like looking into all of these things like me having memories from my lineage that is like really part of like one of my gifts. That's whereas for me it's just like oh yeah, that's just normal. Apparently, it's really not, and it's really rare to to have that the way that I have it, and I'm just like okay, so and it's just like almost like a wake-up call, it's just like where I just constantly think like things that that's just the way it is, because yes, it is for me, but that doesn't mean that like it is normal for other people, and it's just like like a lot of this was like a really really good reminder as well, and it's it's just really yeah, it's if you are like feeling like there's part of you missing because it probably is start having a look like where you come from and go on the tangent, go like follow that threat that comes up because there is a reason why that threat comes up. This is why I keep saying, like, it's not really surprising that I found like this connection to here, or even the connection to my daughter's name to my lineage, and there's so many like things that are happening, and it's like I I think the that one of the like biggest things out of all of this for me it like is apart from like being so much more rooted in myself, is that like when everyone talks about like what's your magic, what's your magic, what's your gift, and I've always been trying to like say, Oh, I'm a womb healer, I'm an energy healer, I'm whatever it is, right? But nothing ever feeling quite right, it's because I am like doing like braucherei, like I'm doing that like really old like healing methodology, I guess not even a methodology, but like that part strand of it, and it's like it simply means like to use, like to use what is given, like what runs in the body, what the lineage left behind, and it's just about like really helping other women to come back to themselves, like below, like beneath the perfor the performance, like beneath like all of the like conditioning, like the expectations, all of the masks that we as women put on. And like this is like really what it is, like when I looked into Rahere, it's like they work with the womb, the body, and sort of threats, like the invisible, like the energy, and just use what it's been given, and like it's it couldn't have been like a better explanation to what I do, like really, because where like everything and everyone got constantly says like you need to be clear what you do when you can't really put it into words because there are no words that you know like that you know of, and then all of a sudden you have this like oh brah it's brah, it's just like yes, that makes like perfect sense, and it feels like absolutely like. incredible like there's so much excitement in me and it's like looking at my lineage there is like there's um it's called a velva and like it's like again like a gift passed down through the lineage and it's like a velvet is essentially a series a threat holder like a woman who carries memory across lives and also helps others remember what they forgot they knew and that's exactly what I do and I'm just like oh my god all of a sudden I have all of these words like what what it is that I do that and like that encompasses it and as you can tell I'm a power I'm just going on a sh like I'm jumping around a little bit because I just get like that's just what I do and it's like finally finding the words to express what it is that I do and to like I always knew there was depth in the work that I do and just depth just generally in everything that I do but it it never felt like I could access that that was it always felt like there was something almost holding it back or something like in between like a glass sheet and that seems to have been pulled now because I'm just like I literally look at my like Instagram content for example I'm just like oh my god this is so surface level for what is like flowing through me at the moment and I know this sounds all very like uh wishy washy and like what the heck is she on and potentially like a little bit too spiritual for s for some of you but I can guarantee you it's not spiritual at all it's like I'm so much more anchored in my body and I thought I was anchored into my body before because I was I was able to listen to it and everything but with having like that pulled out that sheet of glass now it's like it's a whole new level and it's so much so that um like I feel like my whole business um is I'm just completely almost like burning it down and um building it back up from the ground. I've made a decision yesterday I was gonna say by the time I just actually records this has actually been announced um I decided yesterday to retire my group container which is we were just in the middle of it and I've like cancer payments refunded money I'm just like it's it doesn't feel aligned anymore and I know a lot like aligned is like a big word these days it's like a big nothing word but like part of me have has got like so much more depth like the the way that I see the container now to when I originally sort of created it and sold it are two different containers and for me I when I was feeling into it in my body yesterday it didn't feel in integrity with myself to keep this container going and it's never an easy decision to to do that and there is like a go into my um Instagram there is a whole post about this by the time this is out it will be there and it's but like I go into more of the reasons as to why but like really making this decision from a body and like there's so many things like once like once I've like essentially closed that container and it's funny because yesterday before even closed that container I was working on the next ceremony so it's not like I'm not I wasn't doing anything I was like I was physically working on it and it's like once I close that like I got like this like really exciting feeling inside of me of like something new coming through and that I'm just working through like a one one on like a private container which I'm like really really excited about and but also at the same time like that group container I know that this isn't dead as such there is a version of it that's that it's being like brought through through me and it's gonna be like nothing like anyone has ever experienced or seen it's not it's not gonna be done like that before and I like the the the depth of this container that the container wants to be was just so different to what I sold my clients and I couldn't change it just like halfway through because the difference would have been like too big so I made the like very hard decision to just stop it and just to yep call it a day essentially and it's it's and sometimes we just have to do that. Sometimes that's when when and I know and I go into that more in the in the actual post I've already written a post so that's why I know um it wasn't an easy decision for me because I'm just like oh what what like people will think I'm not professional they think I'm not trustworthy I'm just gonna cancel everything halfway through and that's just not the case but I also had to trust my body my body was saying this container is not the way that you want it to be and you can't just do a 180 change in the middle of a container but you also can't do another four months of something that's that doesn't fit it with in integrity with who you are and there's just like so many shifts going on at the moment that I really feel like like like above the ground everything is being knocked down and like the foundations like being like really built like really deep into the ground and it's it's just it's been a ride just to say the least and it's gonna be a right for some time and yeah I mean as I say like at the beginning I was listening to what was coming through that the um not to have the cacao because I've just be gonna be talking because that's what I've literally been doing I've like not even had half of my tea within like nearly half an hour of like talking but I think this was to today's like episode is more about really just going into all of the things that are going on at the moment and just giving you a glimpse I guess because these um episodes god I can't talk apparently these episodes are very much all about me sharing my stories because that is part of my gift as well and I know that and I've been saying this so many times when like you know when we just come together share stories there's so much wisdom in it and so much wisdom that we can't that our mind doesn't necessarily understand but something inside of you like your soul knows like your inner knowing that it all knows and this is why like me I love sharing stories and I know that this is part of my gift because it does it will unlock something in you and like as I said like earlier on in this episode like there's so many things that I just from to me that just like normal and to other people it's just like whoa like this is not normal Jen and this was like the more stories I share the more wisdom I know I can part and the the more activation and like homecoming and like help I can give other women and that is for me this is what it's like really about helping you get really get rooted in yourself and rooted like really get grounded and like really come home to yourself and there are so so many things that I really want to say today but I think for the moment I'm just gonna leave it here 30 minutes of me talking is probably a lot so um thank you so much for tuning in today and I will speak to you next week bye