Ep 20: Perimenopause Diaries: Nourishment, Anxiety & Becoming Myself

This episode is a raw, in the moment update, shared exactly as it is, because that is the only way I know how to do this.

Last month, my perimenopause symptoms knocked me sideways. Extreme exhaustion, hunger that would not quit, days spent on the sofa. This month, I made changes, prioritising protein, sleep and daily movement and I wanted to sit down and honestly reflect on what shifted, what did not and what new symptoms have shown up to get my attention.

Because that is the thing about this journey. Just when you think you have found your footing, something new surfaces.

In this episode I share my honest month-by-month experience of perimenopause, what I have changed in terms of nourishment and lifestyle and how that has made a real difference and what I am still figuring out. I also talk about something that feels just as significant as the physical symptoms: The way this threshold is stripping back the layers of who I thought I had to be and the quiet but unmistakable feeling of just becoming more myself.

This is not a guide. There are no tidy answers here. It is simply one woman's honest account of navigating this threshold in real time because I believe that is exactly the kind of conversation we need more of.

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to today's episode of Off Circun Soil. I am so grateful that you're here as always listening to me just chatter on, I guess. If you haven't already, just get a drink, get comfortable, do your workout, do whatever you know what you do. Today I want to really dive into like some of my perimenopause symptoms. Because I think, as I keep saying on this podcast, like this is such an important topic for us, women, not just women in perimenopause, because you can take bits and pieces regardless of where you are in your life cycle, essentially. Because at the end of it, it all comes down to the body is always telling us what's going on, essentially. There we go, it's like not even a minute in, and I'm already like dropping like all of the wisdom here. But today for me, I it was I think it was really important to just sit down and just like reflect back as well over sort of the past month. And if you don't know, I will go into like my little my like symptoms that I had previously a little bit, but if you want to actually listen to the whole episode, it's episode 14. I'll I can link it in the um show notes as well. Where I just really go into it, what was going on in that moment because I like despite what everyone is saying, I really like sharing in a moment because after the fact you just you can't remember, that's just the reality of it. At least I can't, and and as I keep saying, if I can't, or if I feel that way, someone else will feel that way as well, because I'm not that special to be feeling like that alone. So this is why I really like sharing in the moment rather than after the fact, which is what everyone keeps telling you, which is also why I love these episodes because all of them are just so raw and just so they just come from my heart and just from my inner depth essentially. So I don't know if this was an intro or not, but here we go. Um yeah, so I've been reflecting over the last month. So with my last cycle, I was from about day 16, 17, I was feeling rough to say the least, like to say the least. And I at that at the moment in time, I wasn't sure whether that was because I had some alcohol for my birthday or if it was my hormones because I coincided like that that happened pretty much at the same time, so I I really didn't know. I assumed it was my hormones, but as I keep saying, you know, you can't you you kind of have to test to a certain degree, right? You have to almost like establish a pattern. I say this with a pinch of salt because to be fair, I did test this. I did test this once I one of the reasons why I thought it was only hormone related because when I then got my bleed, I was okay again. Whereas before I I had to eat every I think at one point it was like two, two, three hours, otherwise like I was just so exhausted, I was hungry, I was I could I couldn't function, I literally could not function yet. I have to because I've got four-year-olds, so that's you know, and life is to be like you know, life is laughing still, so you have to function to a certain degree, but yeah, I really really struggled. So I I started to eat more regularly because I had to, but I also not only that I also looked at what I was actually consuming and I really upped my protein intake, which isn't necessarily like easy for me because then I don't even know why, because it should be fairly easy for me. Because I eat meat, I eat all of the beans, I eat, I I eat all of the things essentially that have like a high protein content, yet I'm still it's still to this point I'm struggling to have three high protein meals, but I try to eat as much protein as I sort of can, and I say this because like last night when I made dinner, I'm just like there's literally no protein here, it's like oh my god. Um I did I did have some hummus for some protein at least, and then in the like as my like evening snack, I then had Greek yogurt with my granola, which is also has like is fairly high in protein, so you know I I sort of topped it up, but like generally I I do I do struggle sometimes for some of the meals, others are not so bad, but what I found for me what really made the difference is to sit down and meal plan and also prep some things if I can. With the prepping, I'm not gonna lie, I've struggled to prep just again because life life is life, and we are at the time of recording prepping to for our road trip to France. By the time this comes out, we would have just come back, so next week is gonna be a very, very exciting um podcast. But at the moment we are literally just prepping everything to go on holiday on our road trip, and there is just so so much like going on around that. That like prepping my food prep is essentially non-existent, but I managed to plan my food for this week, we'll do the same thing for next week, and yeah, so that is that is really working well. One of the things I've also done is I've prioritized my sleep heavily again with a four-year-old that quite often wakes up at night. There is only so much planning I can do, right? But I like turn off the TV before nine o'clock. I am in bed by nine usually, and I just have have some downtime and then go to sleep. I try to be asleep by half nine. Ideally, I should be asleep a lot earlier, but again, you know, I also want to have a life and just like some me time, and I need to do things, and that's just what it is, but that's a lot better than what it was when I was going to bed at 10 half 10. So even just that like half an hour hour makes a huge huge difference for me at the moment, and I kept all of these things going through the month. So when I was getting like when I was on my bleed and everything, I kept like my high protein diet and was just doing all of the things that I'm I was doing th through my luteal phase because that's when my hormones drop. And I also started uh well a few was it last week, maybe two weeks ago. I don't know. I got a walking pad, so every day I am on my walking pad as well, just to get some steps in and just like low impact getting all of those, you know, just really started to look after my body. That's is that that's essentially what it is. I really started to nourish it, to look after it, and just really to be the phrase that springs to mind, but doesn't seem quite right, it's like be on my top game, right? That sprung to mind, but it's not really it doesn't feel quite right, but it's it's all about like really putting the goods in me, and when I was sort of thinking what to record for this episode, because we are going away, so I had to plan ahead, I was like, oh yeah, earlier on in the week, so oh let me just have a see, have a see, have a look how my symptoms are this month because I am currently on day 22, I believe it is, yes, 22. And I was like, let me have a look like day 16, 17, and you know, maybe just do what I'm doing now, sitting down and like sharing an update. And like funny enough, like I was like so day 16-17 came. I was like, oh this is actually I think on day 17 I was like really exhausted, like really exhausted, which is what I had last month, but a lot stronger because I wasn't looking after myself. Whereas this month I could feel it and I like took some time and just like stepped back a bit and just like looked at what what I what I can do, but because I was nourishing myself, I was I prioritized my sleep and movement, it wasn't nearly as bad. Whereas last month I it nearly not nearly it really knocked me out. It I spent the whole day on the sofa on that day, so that was on day 17, and then after that it was like I was like, Oh, I've I got like really creative on my like typical loot of face. If you listen to the past couple of episodes, you'll know that I get like really really um creative in my loot to your face and I love it. And last month I really missed that, but then this month I had like that creativity back, and like so much has been like flowing through me. And I was like, like, yes, like yesterday was yesterday was a working day for me. I was like, yes, you know, I sit down tomorrow because like realistically, like the last day I can really record before we go away. It's like I'm on day 22 then. Yeah, my um psycho obviously isn't over, there's still a couple of days left, but I'm like happy to share what it is for now, how it how it's been. And then I was on the walking pad last night and got the like biggest like anxiety that I've experienced in a while, and I'm just like well, obviously this had to happen, which is fine because you know, in terms of this podcast, is it's just what I'm like you know, this is this is the reality of it, and this is the I guess the reality of the hormones going up and down and dropping, and it's just another symptom. So I then just sort of like started to look in into it a little bit, and it can be triggered by the hormones like dropping and cortisol going up. I'm like again, I'm not saying that's what it is, but I don't have any evidence. I can't I not not no patterns et such, but it to me again it makes like logical sense that this is hormone related. So I'm just like, oh great, um really struggled in the evening, like it's really like I was when I was um sitting in my in our bed talking to my husband because that's what we do in the evenings, and I was I was telling him I was like I feel like I've got like this huge like anxiety attack, like it's like someone is sitting like on my chest, like I can really feel it in my heart. And he looked at me and said, No, no, I'm fine, I'm not having a um heart attack or aneurysm or anything. Aneurysm is in your head, isn't it? Whatever. I was like, I'm fine, it's just it is just anxiety, not just, but it is anxiety. I know this feeling very well, and it's like I said, okay, let's just like sleep and like woke up this morning was fine, and then like it's like that heavy feeling on my chest again. It's like okay, great, it's still it's still here. So this month in terms of like the um symptoms, that's the word it's definitely better than last month, but now on day 17, no not 17, 21, I got this like huge anxiety, which is just apparently not shifting and this is definitely something that I'll be like monitoring and I I I write down my symptoms anyway so I can see if this is hormone related if it comes up every month roughly at the same time and start working on that essentially and it's just this whole experience is just like so so interesting because as you if you've been following me you you do know that I entered like this threshold I guess or this journey like last year and I just knew and I didn't have any symptoms whatsoever and then earlier on this year I started to get like slight symptoms but it was still all fine and it's only like in the last couple of months where it's just like really starting to like physically affect me, and it's also so interesting because like when everyone is talking about the brain fucking I'm just like I say try to say something, I I can't find the words. I was like how what am I gonna do on this podcast if I can't find the words? But luckily it's you know I can still talk, but it's it's it's a really like humbling experience and it's it's just also shows to me the pressure that we put ourselves under and that's being put on us women as well. So it's it is it is like a very interesting experience and I've I've noticed over the last few months just generally like people almost falling away and there were points where I was like what is wrong with me why what what why why why is this happening essentially but then I also realised it's got not necessarily something to do with me. Um there's always more than like different angles to it, but also like what I've noticed with this journey that I'm on and this paramenopause it's like things that are not for me they're just almost like falling away, and it's the same with with people, they're just like falling away. I don't whether they're just naturally falling away or I don't feel they're the right people anymore for or the right fit for whatever reason, like same as like uh me letting go of my my group program, it's just so much that's like evolving and me stripping back the layers, like even more so at the moment, just to really get to the heart of who I am and show the world like this is who I am, like either take it or leave it, and there is a I think I like I read that somewhere that's like within paramenopause, there's like it's almost like a fuck it, like this is me, like take it or leave it kind of energy, and this is like really what I'm starting to feel. It's just like yes, this this is me, like take it or leave it. Like, I don't need everyone to like me, I don't need everyone to be my friend because that's to me, to my like little soul, that would be absolutely exhausting to have everyone as a friend, and everyone liking me because I think there is a um not to fear uh brain fog told you. Um I don't even know now the whole thing is now gone, which is fine. We just roll with it. Just gonna have a sip of my coffee. But it's just really like a really a deep journey of really becoming myself and I've noticed like in the way that I share things online has changed like a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot. And it's not that it's honestly not that I don't care what anyone thinks because I I guess there's always gonna be a part that that will care, but it's just like well this is me, this is this is my story because I think I got a lot more unhinged, I guess, in sharing my story and sharing my truth and sharing my gifts and the way I do things, and it's just like I don't care what is in at the moment with with the whole was it yapping at the moment. I don't you I don't I don't know if it's a language barrier or age or whatever. I was like what the heck even is yapping, but whatever it is, I'm just like no, that's not how I work, that's not like that's not me. I can't like I get the concept of it, but I'm just like I can't start in the middle of something, it's just not me. I like to go into depth and that's not you know what in the middle is so it's and maybe I don't know what it is, so but essentially I don't yep, and it's like following like for me, it's just like just doing what's right for me, and that's what it's I guess that's what life is all about, right? There is just no one right way, there's just the right way for you, and just because I upped my protein intake and changed my sleep and movement, which is generally things that they say will help you in parametopause, but the way that I do this doesn't mean that it's right for you, right? And this really this this is like the key to like pretty much everything when it comes to like coming home to yourself and just really connecting to like your body, your inner wisdom, you your knowing because there is it's your way, right? And I I found that like for me it's I've started to share a lot more about like the almost like the spiritual side of things on my social media, whereas previously it's almost like matter-of-fact kind of thing, whereas now I'm just like yeah, but like this is my gift, I can feel your energy, I can like in terms of like human design, they say like my aura penetrates the other person's aura. Sounds almost like a little bit extreme, but that's what it is, it's like really potent, and that's just what happens. And I've done a whole post about it, and it's it is really worth a read if you try want to like almost like understand what's going on. Whereas like previously I would have just like nope, I won't like write this because this is just like too woo woo people won't understand. Whereas now I'm just like, yeah, but that's that. that is what I do, right? You like I get told all the time like you need to not you need to but like you know it needs to be clear what you're doing what you're helping with blah di blah di blah I'm just like but what do you how do you explain like this almost unexplainable like how do you explain that I just know like I just know I just know what you feel I there there's just like no logical reason for this but I guess that she got me a idea for some another most just to highlight that strength or that gift but this is like this this is what this this whole like journey really is it's just like just sharing like just being you right and whether you run a business or not it's like the true connections so I know if you're still here after these 23 minutes there is something in my story in my what in the way that I do this in my energy what whatever it may be that connects because otherwise she wouldn't be here after 23 minutes and it's that's what it's all about for me it's not about what everyone keeps talking about like the the masses the followers the likes the whatever it is for me it's like building like this community and building it right like from my truth from my heart without the posts of the things that you can essentially Google like so many like social media accounts that I also follow myself to be fair if I was to type in certain things into Google it would tell me straight away whereas like what I show like yes you can like the sleep the protein the movement that's what it was you can google that yourself but it's like I guess the like you know this the story around it and real life because with all of like this AI generated stuff to say it nicely I guess it's just it's just generic and it's there is nothing personal anymore and it's starting to like really widen me up again because I guess this is what it's for me all about it's just like I'm just being the person that you are meant to be and yes I've used AI before I've and I've I've always held my hands up to that but since I've been like on this like deep journey I'm just like yeah but AI can't tell my stories because how and it's like as I keep saying this is like really what it is just like coming home to yourself and there's no one way to of doing it and there's no no one else that can do it for you this has to be done b by you and this starts with like really noticing what the body is saying what the body is telling us so the symptoms I had last month was all about like me starting to listen and to be fair the symptoms that I have this month are with the anxiety I have a very good idea what it is I just don't want to admit it and I don't want to cut it out um it's the beverage that I'm currently drinking but it's it is all about like really tuning in to what your body what your inner wisdom is like really try trying to tell you and I've like received like a really strong message from my guides this morning which I've actually made a note of just because I almost want like that I want to see if they're right because I know they are but it's it's it's because I want I know I'm gonna do I want to do a post on it and I won't remember the I don't I won't remember what they told me and it's gonna be like such an interesting thing that is going to happen and that's not actually going to be too far after this episode so I'm probably gonna record another episode like an episode about that anyway but it's yeah like this month has been actually overall like a really good month like obviously the anxiety is telling me something as I said I do have a feeling I know the trigger but there's also always like a psychological almost reason behind it it's not just it's not just physical and not just what we're taking in and consuming though that's a really big part of it like with like the symptoms that I had last month where I said obviously yes I've um I've changed my changed a whole lot like my a bunch like a huge part of my lifestyle but also I've gotten a lot truer and unhinged in how and what I share and that's like the psychological part side of it or the subconscious however you want to call it and then I know with like this anxiety there is obviously like the more like the physical part the things that I can change and then that's like the underlying subconscious thing that needs to shift which I still need to work out that I don't know um yet at least so it's and that's what I'm me what I said in the beginning of this podcast it's regardless of where you are within your life cycle whether you have your periods or you don't whether you impair a menopause or not your the symptoms that you're experiencing is your body is always telling you your subconscious is always trying to commute communicate with you and this is where we just have to start to slow down and just listen and with that I actually feel that this is complete today there is like nothing else that wants to come through today anymore no sometimes as you will know there's something else that all of a sudden wants to come through but this is like in the 30 minute nutshell what I wanted to share with you today there's parts where I actually went on a tangent but that's fine it's all part of the fun isn't it but thank you so much for listening today if you have any questions or any comments or if you have any requests on podcasts comment me just comment me contact me um my Instagram is in the show notes but it's at it's Jen Anthony that's my Instagram handle or you can email me jen at jenantony.co that uk and I will be ever so grateful if you share this with anyone that you think it might be benefit beneficial to apparently I can't talk now anymore but that's that's it that's it all right thank you so much for listening today and I will talk to you next week bye