Your Mind Is A Garden

✨ Wellness in the Wavelength Episode 11 ✨

This week, we’re joined by special guest Era Lo as we explore the idea that our minds are like gardens....what we nurture grows. Our thoughts, habits, and beliefs all play a role in shaping our well-being, making it important to be mindful of what we cultivate each day.

We also talk about the importance of giving ourselves grace throughout the growth process. Not every season will be filled with blooms, and personal growth is rarely perfect or linear. There will be challenges, setbacks, and lessons along the way, and that's all part of being human!

At the end of the day, this episode is a reminder to tend to your inner garden with intention, patience, and compassion, trusting that even small acts of care can lead to meaningful growth.

Transcript

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What's up, hockeys? Welcome back to another episode of Wellness in the Wavelength. In continuation of episode 10, we talked a lot about the surroundings and the people that you put yourself around. And in episode 11, we're gonna continue this conversation, but talking more about the behaviors and choosing what you can do in your own self to do that. And we have our lovely guest, Ashley Arilo, today. Ashley, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Yeah, hi, welcome. Thank you for having me on Wellness in the Wavelength. I'm very excited to be here and to be on this podcast. I am a music producer based in London, originally from Nevada, and I am a cheat gun artist. So very proud of my heritage and where I come from. And I'm very excited to talk a little bit more about shifts and behaviors and redefining goals and how that actually looks like, especially given my background in psychology, and to just kind of touch base on that a little bit more. Yay! And I'm sure too, being a producer and being in that world, you've probably had to tap into that many occasions and also help others with that as well. Definitely, yes. Especially given my virtual music festival called Lifeline. So given that that takes a lot of effort from me and shifting my surroundings so that I can make this event successful and also be able to promote artists and ensure that they're providing the necessary details for this event to run. And and yes, exactly what you said. So, what are some behaviors and things that maybe in your life where you've seen others in the industry sort of like struggle with when they have changed their surroundings? But the next step is what do you do yourself? Like, how do you because obviously you can change your surroundings, but that doesn't mean the work stops there. So oh yeah, absolutely. You know what? I've noticed that obviously the first step is knowing that you want to change your surround surroundings, you want a shift in behavior. The biggest thing that I've noticed people struggle with is all mental. So it's like shifting your mindset, shifting your thought processes to align with that shift in behavior. Because without having a strong sense of internal understanding of where you want to go and the direction you want to go, then the direction you're headed will it will, I think oftentimes it's like building a house brick by brick, and that brick is faulty, so it won't actually create a stable foundation. So it's like and that all starts with the brain. I think that's something that I definitely have struggled with, and that's something I've seen other people struggle with. So it's like getting your brain in the right direction will help with the behavior in my experience. And I wonder too, what are some things that people can do though to do that? Because I feel like some people they get overwhelmed, right? They have there's a ton, there's always the things that people, the typical things people say, but it's like those smaller things and like maybe some things that have you. And I know Paige, you obviously like you've and you can like please share as well. Like you've done a lot of this, like as long as I've known you, or like different things you've been very intentional about shifting that has helped you that maybe others haven't thought of or at least can relate to. I know for me, one of the best ways that I've been able to shift my mindset is obviously first becoming aware of it. And sometimes the best way for me to become aware of it is to literally write it down on a piece of paper or in a journal or to write poetry. Because when I make music, sometimes I make music with lyrics. So that's also a great way for me to gain some inspiration. But sometimes I just need to write whatever comes to my brain, and I want to write it down on a piece of paper because if I externalize it from me and then I turn away from it, I usually end up seeing that my mindset shifts in a better way. And sometimes I'll actually go back and reread it and I'll see how my mindset shifted from me even writing it down. But externalizing it in that form has been really helpful for me. And then I'll also talk to myself in the mirror, or I'll write little like sticky notes or like chalk pens and write little reminders, especially when my mindset is or my brain is telling me the exact opposite of the direction that I want to go. So when it came to me improving my self-confidence and my brain was telling me all these negative things, I had to write on a chalkboard and say, like, you're beautiful, you're intelligent, you're radiant, you make people feel warm, you make people smile, different things like that. And just visually seeing that helped my brain get the message. So, like little by little, I started to like embody those aspects, and now it's like come more of like who I am, and so now I'm like, Oh yeah, this is neat. From like thought process to self-actualization, but for me, it really started in the brain and then externalizing it. Yeah, I absolutely agree. Just taking it out of the ethers of your brain and putting it into the physical just by writing it, and especially with doing that affirmation work, because when we can look at our brain and see like how our mind we're experiencing our mind and being able to make an actual change of being like, Hey, you're being really mean to yourself right now. How can we change this? One way that I like when I'm getting that impeding thoughts of things that I'm I know aren't me, but I'm experiencing them as me. And I'll just say out loud something like I love myself or something, or I like to hum a lot too, just to like create an anchor practice to shift the thought of being like, Hey, this is happening, let's shift this right now. And then another way, I loved everything that you said, Erlo. And like one thing that I also love to bring into it is like the somatic part coming back to the body, because especially when you come back to the body, because your body and mind are just like inherently connected, and when you can come back to the body, maybe take some like a few deep breaths, or even just like create some movement with like you can. I love I'm very I will continue to push skin yoga and like just any form of yoga or qigong or just any kind of movement practice, even if it's just going on a walk or putting on your favorite song and just like dancing and like shaking it out, and just like allowing the body just to have a moment to just like come back to your baseline of being like, Oh, yeah, this is who I am, this is what I truly am. I'm not all of these scary thoughts that are happening in my head, and then you can see like especially when you work with the body, it helps change that mindset, and then you're like, Oh, like it's all good now. And you're talking about retraining the mind. There's like so many studies on how that takes a while. It's not like you wake up one morning and you do this and your mind's gonna be retrained, but like the point you were saying, Ashley, around like those reminders, right? So it becomes more of a practice. And I've talked to people too about where they've asked, well, how did you get to this point? I'm like literally talking to myself in my head and like literally saying to myself a practice over years of being like, These are just loud thoughts, these are just loud thoughts. This is not really who I am. And it does sound kind of crazy and woo-woo when you are telling people that you're doing this like for yourself, right? Where you're like, no, I'm just having a lot of conversations in my head about like all the loud passengers, as one of my therapists once said. But it is a practice and it takes a while. And I think sometimes people get a little bit distressed when it works one time, but the next time they become in their minds, they're like, Oh, I'm faltering to it, I'm going back. And it's no, it's like this thing. But the thing is, even when you practice it a lot and it works, and you might have one bad night or one bad day mentally, your awareness to the fact that you are having a bad day and it's not really your true self, that's a win. Because you used to not do that at all. You used to just be like, no, I am this shitty person that doesn't have anything and self-loathing and all this stuff. But the fact that you can even point out, oh, this is just this is where my brain is winning today, that is that awareness is a win. And I think sometimes people just get a little bit disappointed because they expect it to just be this like linear experience of once I have it figured out, I'm always gonna be able to ride the wave. And it's like not always like that. But when you're able to like be in that power of knowing you're just having a bad day, but you know that it's gonna be okay and reminding yourself those affirmations that you both said, I think it's easier to kind of go through life. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Sorry, I was like, yeah, yes. Honestly, it took some, yes, it took so many years for me personally to even become aware. And I remember I was heavily in in therapy at the time when I started making music. And my therapist kept reminding me that when I became aware of the fact that I was having a bad day, that this is like you said, this is not who I am, that is a win, that started to direct me, validate my direction that I'm on the right path. Because it's that connection in our brain that you have one thought and it continues to repeat and repeat. So whenever you have that initial thought, it's going to immediately take you to that second thought. And as you become aware of where it's rooted, then you can shift the direction that grows, whether that's a weed and you have to pull it out, or it's a beautiful tree that just needs a little direction and where to head towards the sun. Kind of thing. I love plants. Just pull the weed. You're not needed. Exactly. Oh, that was really good. Thank you, Brain. How you're like talking about the um, especially when because I do a lot of the nervous system work, and like when we are like how you're saying this is affirming that you're on the right path, because when you're like doing something and you're do you're chasing your goals and your dreams, you care about it so much. And so when the fear and those bad thoughts kind of pop up, it's like you're kind of your nervous system is trying to keep you safe there, and it's like, oh no, we don't need to go that far. You just need to stay safe here, and that's what your nervous system is designed to do. And when you can just sit with yourself and be like, hey, I know this is really scary right now, but I got you, and talk to that part of you that is scared, that is going through a hard time, and just be like, Hey, I got you me. And being able to hold yourself in that and power, not just power through because I feel like that's like you gotta toughen up the buttons when you can sit with yourself through that experience, you can come out on the other side and be like, Oh my gosh, we did do it scared. We did do it even though we didn't, we made it through, and then that gets on put onto your hype list, and you're like, Oh, I can do these things, I can sit with myself, I can be with these feelings, and it doesn't have to take over everything. So I really love that analogy, just pull the weeds, yeah. Pull the weeds, it's like our brains are gardens. Actually, random thought, but back home, my mom she bought me this beautiful vase, and it's of a woman with flowers, and I planted a monstera inside of it, and it was a monstera that my aunt gave me, and it's like it's now grown so big and so beautiful, but it almost feels like a reminder of that's what I want it to be. It's like a beautiful garden inside. I know sweet things, it is, and I think too, the other what that reminded me of is how I've also read studies and just watched different like podcasts to podcasts and watch different reels and different things of people that I they're inspiring to me. Our brains also will naturally revert to old patterns of thinking typically for a while. And so leaving room for that too, I think is important because sometimes we're trying to figure out why. And it's well, if you've gone through trauma or you went had a hard upbringing or things like that, showing yourself grace that it's not a surprise that in some moments your brain is reverting back to how you handle things during that time period and now applying it to whatever you're going is doing right now, even though it could be completely unrelated. But you're completely nothing to do with that trauma from whatever, but it's getting projected into the current situation. And that's hard. And I think we need to show ourselves grace too in those moments and remember that those thoughts too, not only do they not define us, but they're also born from the very valid experiences that we had in the past. And it's okay that sometimes those those weeds be weeding because it's well, they some of them have been there for a while and we're still trying to pick some of those old ones out, even though we're picking out these new ones a lot faster. There's still some weeds in the corners, in the crevices. And um I think when we forget that our feelings are very valid when you've gone through really hard times. And sometimes those things come out even as an adult, or if it you experience an adult later in life, whatever part of life that you're in, and not invalidating those experiences just because yes, you're growing, you're changing your mindset. But it's of course sometimes those things, I mean the body like the body keeps score. And it's what we're trying to do is remind our bodies that it's okay, it's safe now, but it still keeps score. And like any moment, that part of your body can be triggered. And it's okay if you have a bad day or it comes out. You know what I mean? And so I just wanted to bring that up because I think sometimes in our personal growth journey, we feel like there's gonna be this aha healed moment. And it's like we just get better at how to manage those parts of us that were broken. We can't exactly get glue and stick it back together and it never happened, right? It's it's still there. We're just the healing part is being able to sit next to it, but also like showing it kindness when it does come up. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. With that, so with Lifeline, I'm gonna bring it to Lifeline real quick because this deals a lot with it. When I started it, obviously, Lifeline is a virtual music festival to raise funds and awareness for suicide prevention. And I started it officially in 2021. That was the first year that we that I ran a stream. And when I initially thought about creating it was in 2020 when obviously so much was happening in our communities across the United States, across the globe, dealing with social injustice and the pandemic. And uh a lot of people were impacted in very many different ways. And for me personally, I was heavily impacted in my despite the things that was going on and that was going on in my personal life, I was heavily impacted to see how the people around me in my community or communities adjacent to mine were suffering. It really caused me a lot of grief. And I had to find a way to maneuver a lot of dark spaces during that time. And a lot of that process has been in accepting that I will have tough days and I will be triggered again. During this podcast episode, I have been like my body is like, oh my gosh, I'm stressed out right now. Give me a hug. So I'm like, okay. And Paige, when you were talking about the somatic stuff, I was like, okay, I'm gonna give my body a hug real quick because I need it. So that still exists now, but it does get better over time. And with Lifeline, it's been a reminder that I don't have to settle into those negative thought processes that led me into a very dark space. I can instead be intentional and feed into uh better directions while accepting that I need to give myself grace for the days where I do struggle still as an artist and as a person with those darker feelings and spaces. But I've been able to, it's like random thought, but what cat when you were talking about weeds, obviously weeds like dandelions come from weeds, right? I think so. Yeah. I used to, when I was a kid, I used to be like, oh, those are yeah, when I was when I was a kid, I used to be like, those are so beautiful, I love them. Then I found out that they were weeds because it's a flower that grows from a weed. So I've learned that one of the best parts of my journey is being able to accept that weed is also a flower and it had a purpose, and I can accept and appreciate its purpose while also understanding that it no longer has a home in the soil because it's taking nutrients and it's not giving way for a healthier, more prosperous fruits from the land. Why are we going into plants today? I don't know, but I love that analogy. So I really love that analogy though, because even when we like we I feel like dandelions are really just they're weeds that we like are like, oh, like it looks like it's in the grasses and stuff. But when you actually look at dandelions, like dandelion roots are actually like a medicinal herb, and like you can eat the dandelion flowers, and like even when we look at this thing and we're like, oh, it's ugly, I don't like it, and looking at that like shadow side of yourself, and you're like, oh, just make it go away. Like you can look at it and take that in as like medicine and being able to sit and look at like maybe the darker parts of yourself, the parts of you that you don't want to just shine light to all the time. But when we shine light into the darkness, we can actually see a lot of beauty and a lot of healing can come with that. So I love that you were on this whole dandelion, like another. I love the garden makes sense though, because like episode 10, when we were just talking about changing your surroundings, part of that too is like your garden is gonna around you is gonna grow with you, right? So, like we got all sorts of things growing in this garden, like ourselves, the people around us, the things we're trying to do. You know what I mean? It's like this is so complementary to the last episode because like when we think of a garden, yes, that's how we exist in it, but like we were talking about last episode, Paige, it's also like when we're tending to our garden uh intentionally, our the rest of the garden is going to be beautiful too. You know what I mean? And so that's where community does come in. And now you just have like your prospering because now you're surrounded by, and it doesn't mean you're not gonna have some weeds here and there, but like now not only are you rooted in in in beauty, but uh that your surroundings are too. So that's a much those are much better building blocks, right? Than trying to stay in the weeds and then hoping that the weeds are gonna produce an abundance of different types of flowers and it's just gonna be the in the lines, which are beautiful, but like we need more than that in our garden. Especially when you start to plant new seeds in community and create new relationships and create new opportunities for yourself to thrive with people who are on your level and you plant those seeds, like when you start to water them, just like giving a little, I know I'm pretty sure we had this conversation on another episode, Kat. But when you start to water the seeds and like little by little, those like relationships and that community starts to grow in a way that like grows with you. Oh yes, yes. I know like with Lifeline, yes. With Lifeline, oh god, I'm so grateful for the community because so many of the artists that do come back have been there since like day one, and I've like created a like a community around me and they're like introducing me to more people, which is so beautiful. Like their communities that they've watered as well. And it's it has become a very healing place. And I know I'm very grateful that people have shared their stories as well, whether it's in like group chats or it's like on our social media or during the actual streams. It fills my heart with a lot of joy to know that steadily, little by little, just pouring into yourself is also pouring into your community. And over time, it's like you you create this ecosystem of healing and producing different flowers. And that is so true and so beautiful. Thank you, Paige. Everything too, like your whether it's something you want to be professionally, like your whether it's that or your hobbies, like those get better too. I was talking to a friend recently where I was like, maybe you should take a break from X thing so you can focus on your mental health because I think this thing that you love so much, you'll be able to do better. And if you get your mental health to a place where it's a little bit more sustainable. Because yes, I do understand this thing. Like you love for this, in this case, it was like making music. I was like, I know you love making music and I know that's like your one thing. And I'm not saying kill your dreams, don't do it. I'm saying that I think for you, being so talented and all the things that you have to offer, you will prosper by pouring into your mental health, pouring into your garden, tending to your garden and then your art and whatever that looks like for anyone that's listening, whether it's music, whether it's painting, whether it's yoga, whether it's breath work, whether it's whatever you're doing, like most of the time you're experiencing those things and the way you show up and the quality of those things will get better. That doesn't mean you can't still do those things like on the side and for fun, but when you kind of lessen the pressure around them and you pour into yourself and then you come out the other side, even though we're constantly evolving, usually the quality of those things also goes up. Like I can say for me, like my teaching has gotten better by me pouring into myself and pouring into changing my environment and my community. And I'm sure like Paige, you can say the same for like your wellness practices and you can say the same thing for your music and your communities. Like all that work that we're also doing on ourselves is making like the projects that we love most, like probably could now reach the stars. We're showing up in those spaces now, like in a way different way to make them like even more productive and sustainable and long. Term and impactful. Oh, yes. Absolutely. I know lately I've been so stressed out about personally the timing of my journey. Because I've been at this, I mean, when I think about it, there some of the artists that I absolutely admire have been at it for over a decade, almost two decades. So, or even more. And a lot of this journey for me has been in reflecting and the timing of when, like, when something starts to show up in my life. And this conversation has also really helped me and reflect on that because it's important to be intentional with your health and to take the time to invest in yourself and your well-being, your thought processes, and in turn your behaviors. And that does take time. And it is okay to take a step back. Like this past week, I took a step back from posting on my socials, and I needed that time. I needed to process a lot of the triggers that were coming up for me personally. Timing being one of them and accepting that it is going to take time because this is for me a lifelong journey. And I want it to, and I want it to be fruitful, and I also want it to be intentional and grounded in good things that make me feel healthy and happy and joyful. And I think in the industry in general, whatever industry it is, I think it's very easy to fall into the pressure of having to have everything done right now. It's now or never. So I think people are remembering that, but it does take time. Yeah, I think that's so important to remember because how many artists are coming out because they can't sustain just the constant back to back to back tours and releasing new music and just trying to stay afloat because they pushed themselves so hard in the beginning, and then they had to, that was their new normal, that they had to work at 100% until now they have to take off time, they have to cancel their tour because their body just literally cannot sustain it. And I think that just looking at it from the point of like how can we accept where we are and move towards the long-term goal. And I think that your perspective is really spot on because we do this because we love it, and when we desire and love, we don't force ourselves into that burnout. And I think that there's a big shift happening in our culture today, away from that hustle culture and like gotta go, gotta be the best, gotta get there now. To like just letting the long term happen and like supporting the community to like help bring each other up. Yeah, I think people be able to contact they're like they don't do it right now. I'm gonna run out of time, my moment won't be there, and all these things. And it's okay. Of course, life is unpredictable in general, life is short, but in reality, when you're thinking, and you both have said this about the things that you love and you want to pour into, it's okay to pause your career or your hobby or the thing you love most or your project. They're also gonna be there. And it's okay, you don't have to put yourself on this timer because that is where people end up having to take more time off than they would have before, or other parts of their projects suffer, or the many outcomes from feeling like you're on this timer that no one actually put you on, right? It's your it's yourself that put your. And then and I think we've all three of us have probably felt that in our own individual projects and stuff that we do, where we're like rushing and we're like, we gotta do this right now. It's now or never. And it's it is a societal thing and a systematic thing. But I do feel like now's a time where a lot of people and are like having these type of conversations, and then hopefully everyone too will start to slow down and take a step back and assess themselves, assess their surroundings and do things in a way that are for the long term and still water things for the short term, but realize that it's okay it's really okay. And in that time, if you change your mind completely and you don't even want to do that thing anymore, and something else makes you happy, then you gave yourself the time to figure that out too. So it's like there's no, we don't want to rush life. And something I've been saying, having in conversation with a lot of my friends is when you're I was little, I don't know if that's with you guys, but you know how you'd always say, like, I can't wait to get older, I can't wait to grow up. And people would, the older people would be like, You're saying that now, and you're not you don't really want that. And we'd be like, Yeah, we do. I want to be older. And I'm like, I take that so to heart now where I'm like, not at all. I am listening to what they are saying. I they said little rush to grow up. I am 33 and no rush. No rush. I hear what they said, and I see why they said that the good things and the bad, the bad reasons that I'm seeing into why they said that. But I think about that all the time as a child. We're rushing, rushing, and we're told by elders not to do that. And I'm like locked into when I'm listening now. I'm like, I'm listening now. You were right. There's no rush. Yeah, there's no rush. There's a book that one of my coworkers, he's also a musician, and he has been a great, almost like a great mentor. I listened to what he has to share because I value it. But he suggested that I read, I think it's called The Artist Way. Yes. And I want to, I really want to read it because there's another book I have. It's called uh the not the art of war, it's the war of art. So it's it like it talks about how as you get closer to completing a goal, uh, you're going to experience the exact opposing portion of exact opposing force at the same time. And that's just obviously the nature of life. As you get closer to accomplishing something, the exact force is opposite force is gonna go. And ultimately that's gonna create this diamond, right? Pressure makes diamonds. However, the artist way, from what I understand, is that it talks more about creating or living, being a system that allows you to be in a state of flow that I understand creatively, and I'm very keen on reading that. I think that's actually a really good next step for me personally, and I'm also in the process of embodying that process because obviously now I'm based in London, so I'm finding my roots here, and or I'm finding a way to root myself here and uh have this room that I get to sleep in and watch TV and get ready, but also create music in. So I'm like, in what ways can I make this space be a space where I can just sit in a state of flow? So I'm gonna get that book. That's all I'm saying with that one. I highly recommend it. I've gone through parts of it myself and even just as a little tid sneak peek preview of the first chapter. I really love it because it's more of a workbook. It's not just a book you have to sit and read through, it'll have a chapter and it'll challenge you with and journaling exercise or some homework. One of the first things you do when you read this book is that it challenges you to go take yourself on a date and just allow yourself to have a creative date, whether it's going and getting supplies or going to the art museum and just allowing yourself to be with yourself in such a beautiful way. And another exercise is just doing morning pages. So, just like when you first wake up in the morning, you just write it all out. Whatever is on your mind, you just get it out, and like all of that kind of locked up bleh kind of stuff kind of gets just written away, and then you can actually get to what it is you're creating. So, for instance, for you, you could do your morning journal pages and it's like two or three pages of just writing, and then after you get all that out, you can go to writing some of your lyrics, or maybe even look and reflect in it. And it sounds like you kind of already do this already, but definitely look into the book. Oh my god, that sounds amazing! Honestly, very spot on because it's so you know what? Sorry, brain is going different directions all at the same time here. I love that this is coming up because it feels very much in alignment, and it's funny when we something so important about giving us ourselves the time to sort out our thought processes and our brains, and also being with our body and understanding how our body communicates with us is over time I've learned to rebuild my intuitive uh ear, tuning in my intuitive ear to what's going on. And it's funny how this is an alignment because obviously it is, and my body, my mind, my spirit has been telling me you gotta find a way to make this sustainable without running yourself into the ground because um that's kind of the part of my journey that I'm at now personally and creatively. So I'm very excited to get that book, and I will tell you how it goes when I start it. And also for our listeners or if you're watching, we want you all to also get the book and let us know how it goes, and we can all be on that journey together of reading that book. We love a recommendation, and we also love to wrap up our episodes to like naturally giving people something to do, and sometimes it doesn't happen as naturally as this. So this is and we wanna we always we that's one of our goals is to always still end with something, give some people do or challenge themselves with. And so this has been a really beautiful way to kind of bring this to a close, but also we always want to have people come back on, and I feel like we are definitely gonna have you come back, Ellen, and we'll talk more about that. Well, yeah, we'll run it back. So I'm like, I'm gonna get the book. So are we gonna create an electrocock wellness in the waves? Yeah, wait, I think we are really okay. Stay tuned. All right, everyone. Well, it's been an amazing 11th episode. Thank you, Erlo. Paige, my grandma's always here. Love that you're by my side, per usually. So, anyways, catch us next time. Rocky's out. Bye.