How To Find Balance

In this episode, I talk about the struggle of wanting everything, career, creativity, money, and freedom while also craving peace, rest, and time to actually enjoy life.

I get into the reality of burnout (even doing things you love), the pressure to do it all, and the constant pull between focusing on one path or chasing multiple passions.

I’m starting to realize balance isn’t about having everything perfectly together, it’s about giving the right energy to the right things, at the right time.

Still figuring it out. Still want it all. Just trying not to lose myself in the process.

Because at the end of the day… we’re all just casually spiraling.

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Editing by Julie Bishop

Cover Artwork by Angelina Richeson

Transcript

Intro

Finding Balance Spiral

Conflicts That Come Up When Finding Balance

What I've Learned When Finding Balance

Conclusion

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Right now, am I just constantly running around with my head cut off? Would my energy that I'm putting into these things be more sufficient if I wasn't pursuing them all at the same time? And it just became a back and forth in my head because I want it all. I want to have it all. I want to be successful at the same um at all these things. So then what would I be more happy doing less? But at the same time, these things that I am doing bring me happiness. Welcome to Casually Spiraling. With me, Julie Bishop, just a tall girl in this world, trying to make sense of life, dating, money, relationships, identity, culture. You know, all the things. I've learned that my thoughts don't always land with the people around me. So I am here to break it all down, talk it out, probably over share, and maybe find some who don't think I'm totally crazy after all. Hello, welcome back. I am so excited to be back another Thursday. Um, I'm so sorry I missed you guys so much last week. I started experiencing withdrawal symptoms for real for real, like nausea, sweating, fatigue, insomnia. It was an ugly sight. Not a cute sight to see, but don't worry, withdrawal is over because I am back. I am back for another Thursday. Excited to be here straight off of my sister's Bachelorette weekend, which was so much fun. Um, and oh my gosh, is it a lot of work to be a maid of honor? I had never been one before. Thank God I am a co-mate of honor right now because I don't know how I would do it without my other sister. We're being co-mates on her. It is so much work. We just like kept texting each other the weeks leading up to it, like, oh my god, we need to remember this, and we need to remember this, and we need to remember this, and this and this. And it's a lot, it's a lot getting 18 people together for a weekend and playing all the activities for 18 of them. It is like herding cattle that many people. I need to give my equestrian sister more credit. I think she needs more medals because now I've realized how hard it is hurdling cattle, hurtling that many people. It's it's a lot, but we had so much fun and I think it went well. I hope it went well. People said it went well, and we just wanted to have our other sister have the best time ever, and hopefully we accomplished that. But it was a really great time and everything went well. So we did it, we did it, and now we're back. We are recovered after a weekend of all the madness and all the drinking and all the things, but we're back, we're back and we're feeling better, and thank you for sticking with me and being coming back after having a week off. I appreciate it. So today I wanted to talk about something that I have been spiraling about recently in real time. And TBH, it's gonna be a little bit of meta because it started out being about the podcast and then kind of turned into an overall theme. And that theme that it kind of turned into in my life is about finding balance and creating balance. And maybe I shouldn't expose the works of the pod or be meta or the behind the scenes and all that, but also from the beginning of this, I did tell you you were gonna be my temporary therapist, so I am sticking to that, and I was not lying, and also I don't give a fuck because it's my podcast and I can do what I want with it kind of thing. You know, that's the vibe, you know what I'm feeling, and this is truly what I've been spiraling about. So no perfect time than the present to start talking about it and tag that out to you. So thanks. Um, but it pretty much all started actually with me seeing a TikTok, which is kind of weird, but I'll explain. Um, so I've been following this girl, Nicole, on TikTok for a while now, an influencer. Um, I'm blanking on her last name, but she used to live in Miami and you know, had dating content, workout content, whatever, all the things. I don't know. And um, and then recently she moved to Laguna Beach to California, and yeah, so this is weird, but so I saw a TikTok of her recently in her new life in Laguna Beach, and she's living in this like cute little bungalow loft house, one bedroom, right on the beach, outside of the beach, and you could just see the happiness on her face about this life change and like where she was at. And I was like, Oh, I recognize that feeling. And she just like showing this simple life that she has, but also looks so full for herself, and like you could just literally like it was radiating off of her happiness and contentness for where she's at right now and what she's doing. Now, she's an influencer, so they do show the best parts of their life and are trying to influence you in some way, and she obviously makes her money, so has a lot of freedom to kind of do these things, and that's her job, right? So we're not forgetting that, we're not we're not not realizing that we know that, but just seeing this TikTok then kind of inspired other thoughts, if that makes sense about my personal life. But I'm not ignoring the fact that you know, obviously, that's not a realistic setup for everyone, and that's that's her job and intention to show the good moments and that perfect created life. But besides that, I just started seeing I saw that on her, and it just led to me thinking an overlying question of pretty much would I be better off with more balance? And do I need to sacrifice certain things to for the balance, or can I have it all while also having balance in my life? Yeah, this is where my mind goes, and then I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, all these things going on in my brain. And honestly, I was um afraid to talk about it for a while because I didn't want the impression to come off that I'm not happy and I don't like what I'm doing because I am very happy and grateful, and I love living here, and I love what I'm doing and love what I'm pursuing, and that I have the bit ability to um chase after the things I want, no matter how crazy they are. So I didn't want me talking about these thoughts that I've been having and spiraling about to come across as a type of way, I guess, that I'm I don't know, that I'm not happy because I am, but I just like saw this level that she was at of contentness, and I was like, Whoa, I know that feeling I've been there before. Do I need do I need to find some more balance in my life? Because there I had a few stresses in my life at the time. But yeah, so that's why I didn't talk about it for a little bit. But as we all learned in my anxiety episode, when I don't talk about things and bottle them up, they just get worse and they just build. And that's what it did. So then one day I just had to get it out to um some people in my life and just start talking about it, and now here I am working on it. So progress, woo! Even though I did bottle it up for not that long, just like two weeks, not that bad, but same results as I told myself and I shared with, so I should have known better. But here we are, alas, still working, still growing, still spiraling. But okay, so I definitely have talked about before on here how I book myself up a lot. Um every day, pretty much. Every day my schedule's written out. I'm always whether it's there's just always things to do, it feels like whether there's an audition on working on emails to be sent, um agents to trying to get working on this podcast, writing the outline for it, recording the podcast, creating the social media for it, going to a modeling casting, doing a photo shoot, um, updating my profiles for that, going to my actual job that makes me money, going to the gym, sleeping, going to seeing a friend for once in a while, or this or that, getting groceries, just all the things. It just always seems like no matter what, always doing something. I do that a lot to myself. I talked about that before. But and now that I have the podcast and I started working on the podcast, it's definitely has been even more so because now I have all the podcast work to do, and I love you guys, and but this does take a lot of hours in my life. But I love those hours and I love the work for it. But it does everything that I do does take time. I mean, everything takes time, obviously, obviously, obviously. And it's like I just started thinking about just based off this TikTok, how I want to be successful at multiple things, right? I'm acting, modeling, the podcast, whatever. I want to be successful and I love these things. I want to be successful as multiple things, but would I be better off focusing on just one thing instead of more than one thing at a time? Would I be further along in my acting career if that was my only focus? Because it's like, on one hand, I love being busy, I love having things going on, I love chasing goals and chasing all these pursuits that bring me happiness, and that I have so many things that bring me happiness, and that I know what brings me happiness because some people are still figuring it out what their career wants to be and that part of their life wants to look like. So I'm grateful that I've known for a while and know these things. But on the other hand, I started asking myself, would I benefit from a little more balance, a little more peace? Right now, am I just constantly running around with my head cut off? Would my energy that I'm putting into these things be more sufficient if I wasn't pursuing them all at the same time? And it just became a back and forth in my head because I want it all, I want to have it all, I want to be successful at the same, um, at all these things, but at the same time felt a little craving to maybe it would I would like to just focus on one thing and have then counteract have a little more time in my life to enjoy my life, not that I'm not, but have a little more grace there. And would that bring me a little more peace? But then at the same time, these things that I am working on, like acting, the podcast modeling, whatever, those things bring me happiness. So I'm and I'm passionate about them. So it's not like these things aren't bringing me more happiness, but I'm like, and here I go spiraling, I'm going on and on. I know it's probably not making sense. Try to keep track, there's a timeline here, and um, maybe you guys can relate it to obviously what you're doing in your life. It's not just my specific things, it's just whatever people have going on. But it's like these things bring me happiness, but also then I'm left feeling like again, that anxiety feeling of feeling like I don't have time for things. But then, so then what would I be more happy doing less? But at the same time, these things that I am doing bring me happiness. Hopefully that sums it up. So it's like I won it all, but could I benefit from more balance and peace? And I just like was at a period where I was feeling stressed when little things came up, like little inconveniences of life come up all the time, right? Like my car didn't start the other week. That set me back because I had to call triple A, I had to go to whatever the car place, fix that. That took hours out of my day that I had planned to get work done. So then when things like that happened, just for an example, I'm like, oh my god, now I gotta push everything back, and now I'm behind on everything. Or even just finding times I found myself like the little things like getting groceries, like I found that trying to fit even just those little necessity things in, going to get gas, getting groceries, whatever it may be, I found that it was stressful to find time just to fit those little things in. And I definitely have the issue of overbooking myself for each day. I like write out my schedule for each day, and I got into this habit of it was going well for a while, but then I definitely got into the habit once I started the podcast of overbooking myself for every single day, and then that just kept setting me up for failure because then every day I didn't have enough time in the day to get everything done. So then at the end of every day, there was something on my list for that day that didn't get done. So then I felt behind and I felt like a failure, and then I pushed it to the next day, and then the next day is overbooked, and then there's something on that day that doesn't get done. So then I'm just setting myself up for failure and failure kind of over and over again by doing this instead of being realistic about there being 24 hours in the day and what can get done and um yeah, and then not and not taking advantage of that, or not taking advantage of it, but you know, not overbooking myself so that I don't feel behind. I have to be realistic with the time that I have in the day. And then also, of course, I always talk about this how enjoying your life is important and being present at where you're at and where you're living. Like, I also have in my mind, too, like I live, I've been living in California for a little over a year, and I'm like, oh my gosh, there's so much of California I want to see while I live here. And it's like time is flying by, and I haven't created time for myself to go see places and to explore. And it would be nice to like to do more of this and that. Like I felt like recently, like I haven't allowed myself to set aside relaxing time and enjoying lifetime and like going on a hike, or just trying out a new coffee shop, or taking a two-day, you know, trip to a town that I can drive to, whatever, around California, or more exploring time, or even just spending time with friends, loved ones, whoever. Because I obviously also talk about like how that fuels you and is so important, and remembering to stay present, and those are the reasons like that we live life, right? What we're gonna look back on over our life is all those experiences. And then another thought. I hope you're staying with me here because this is literally how my brain works. It leads from one literally all from a TikTok. It led to one thought to the next to the next to the next. But then the last thing I was like conflicting myself with on do I want more balance, or should I, do I need to sacrifice things, or can I find balancing the other way? All these things. My last like thought process when I was going through this in my head is you know, a girl needs money, a girl's a little bit broke, life is expensive, and unfortunately, having money, you know, I need to be able to support myself, right? So if I had less things that I was pursuing at once, then that would open me up a little bit more also to maybe pick up more work shifts to then make more money and be more stable financially. Because I had was in a period where I was like feeling like I couldn't pick up an extra shift because I was like, nope, I already booked myself that day with a podcast, or nope, I already booked myself. I have an audition and a podcast, and then this and this and this. So it's like, nope, I can't, I can't work extra days. But at the same time, you have to be able to support yourself and you know, unfortunately, make money. But then it's like, do I put more time? How much what's the balance of taking a risk on myself? Because these things like acting, podcasts, modeling are the things that I want to make me money in the future, even though I might not be there now, but I have to work on them in order to get to the point where they are the things that are making me money. So it's like, how do I find the balance of putting into what's actually making me money right now, or putting the time and energy into what I want my businesses to be and what I want my um full-on money making opportunities to be for my career in the future? So that's a whole other like balance, like balancing where I put the energy and time and how do I build the things that I do want to be making me money, but those things also cost money right now. Like this podcast cost me money, acting, headshots, classes, yada yada yada, everything costs money. So it's like I need money to pursue those things for those things who make me money, but that also requires a lot of time and energy. And I hope you're following. This is literally what the voice notes that I send my sisters and my friends sound like, and they definitely respond with um, yeah, if I'm if I'm keep I'm trying to keep track, but here's my response. I'm like, I know, I'm sorry. I literally just go off all the place with my thoughts. But again, that's what you signed up for with this podcast. I told you from the beginning I'd be spiraling. It's in the title, okay? Okay, so this is what this is what it's gonna look like. So I thought I'd start by breaking this all down and just first like breaking it down with the things that uh that is conflicting with balance and that I think can be relatable for other people who may be struggling to find balance and like certain things that may come up when trying to pursue balance that you may conflict with and go back and forth with. Okay, so the first conflict in finding balance that I found is like I was saying, wanting everything versus needing peace. So, like I was saying, I want it all. But at the same time, I also was craving a little bit more rest, a little bit more time, and a little bit more calmness in my life. I want the career in all of this to grow, and I want to build something for myself, but at the same time just having a little more peace could be beneficial. Or every once in a while, maybe having a slow morning, maybe every once in a while being able to wake up and not rush out of bed to get to one thing to the next, or every once in a while, yeah, being able to walk to a coffee shop or or j just be able to exist without thinking, okay, what do I need to do next? I need to get this done by this time, so then I can do that by that time, and then that by that time, and then that, and then go to bed and wake up and do it all over again. Just maybe every once in a while. You know, I I do like the hustle hustle, I do like, you know, working on all these things, but I think could could benefish ben benefish benefish benefit from you know that not being my every single day of my life, if you know what I mean. And sometimes these two versions of wanting everything and meaning peace don't always easily match up, they don't always go hand in hand. So it's trying to find that and trying to find how they can go hand in hand because you know it's not always the life that may get me everything that I want, because I do want all these things and I love all these things. It might not always be the most peaceful one, and that's okay because these are the things that I love to do, but I think every once in a while it's it's good to take a breath, you know? It's good to have those moments, even if it means I need to schedule it in for myself. But that's the first conflict that I was going back and forth to break it all down into I think just in general with balance, not just again my specific scenario and tasks. I think anyone struggling to find balance may go back and forth with these feelings. And I think a second conflict or feeling that if you're trying to find balance, you may go back and forth is the need for money and like money versus passion. Even when I got laid off, and you know, I've talked about when I got laid off, this is when the podcast all started, I was going back and forth with how much time do I spend in my day taking a risk and pursuing this and what I want versus applying for jobs that would make me money right now in the moment. So I had to figure out how to do both, and I was thinking about okay, like how much time do I allot for each thing? How do I balance those two things? So there is like this need for money, and which means I need to be picking up more work shifts, but also then that creates me less time, and then it's like I want I want my dream career, and that also needs time and energy for me. So if every Is getting my full time and energy, then things just fall apart because that's just impossible. It's impossible for everything to be getting all my time and money. And I always thought that maybe, like, I don't know, I just had this can a perceived like thought or process in my head, maybe that people get burnout, you get burnout from things that you don't want to be doing or that you don't like, but that's not true. Like you you can you get burnout even from doing things that you do like, and it doesn't mean that those things don't bring you happiness and you're not happy and you don't like those things, but doing too much of anything or for yourself or overworking or stressing yourself out too much about the little things can create burnout whether you like those things that you're pursuing or not. And then, yeah, as much as as much as we sometimes don't want to min it, money is important, unfortunately, especially as you get an adult. You just you need to buy groceries and you need to pay rent, you need, you know, support yourself, health insurance, whatever, everything is so insane. And as much as like you want to believe that you don't need those things, you do to an extent, obviously. You need to be able to support yourself and take care of yourself, and that's and that, even though that's unfortunate. But in the realistic side of things, you do need it, and it is important, so it's like, okay, I want more freedom and I want to invest in myself, and I want to have the time to build up these things that I care about, but I also need money to do that, so I need to make sure I'm creating enough time for the money things, but then when you're going to your full-time job, that obviously takes some energy out of you. You would be crazy not to. So then you have to you have to build your energy back up and work yourself back up to keep going with the things that you actually want. So, in general, it just started feeling like I was constantly choosing between my present and my future, needing to support myself in the current moment, but also trying to build up my future of the career that I want that will hopefully support be the thing that supports myself instead of my current current money maker job. And then finding that balance of how much time and energy do I put into securing myself now versus building the life, the full life that I want. You know what I mean? You know what I mean. I think so. Okay, on to the next, on to the next conflict that I think can come up when you're trying to find balance, and that is the focus, focus on one thing versus expanding your life, finding a balance between those two things. Should I focus on just one thing at a time and then maybe come back to come back to other things at another point in my life? I was doing a lot and I am pursuing a lot, so I did start thinking about like if I did just focus on acting, would I be further along in my career? Do I need to sacrifice one of the things I'm pursuing in order to have more balance? Or is there a way I can build a life where I do have balance where all of this coexists? Because yeah, I definitely at some points feel like maybe I I am the type of person who likes to focus on one thing at a time, but then at the same time, I like a lot of different things. So those don't always go hand in hand. So I'm trying to so I've been like going back and forth in my head, like what is more beneficial for me? Would it be more beneficial to put a certain thing or two on the back burner to focus on one of the passions? And then that kind of also leads me back to the money thing, because then I would have a little bit more time to pick up more work shifts to support myself financially, you know, but then at the same time, the things I'm putting on the back burner won't be getting done at the current moment and they won't be progressing, but maybe that's okay, and maybe I could come back to them at a different point in my life, and maybe that's what's meant to be. So I was going back and forth between all this. And yeah, the problem is like, am I doing too much? Or have I just not figured out my version of balance and my version of how to balance my life and everything I what I want to do yet? So that was that was another conflict that was coming up that I was trying to figure out, and it's like, what is the right answer? You don't want to make the wrong decision, but at the same time, if you choose one of these things, you can always later on reroute and come back to it. So now after figuring out all the things that I found conflicting when trying to find balance in my life, now I'm after discussing it and thinking about it, I'm still figuring it out, but some things that I have been learning since spiraling about all this. And the first one is that balance isn't doesn't always mean equal, doesn't always mean equal for everything. Not everything all the time is gonna be getting the same amount of energy. That just is impossible, right? I think that this idea of having balance in your head may seem like everything feels calm and put together all the time. But starting to realize that that's just not realistic all the time. Maybe not until, I don't know, maybe not until you're retired and you're not working. So you do just have your life things to focus on. But generally, that's not always gonna be realistic, and that's just life. Balance doesn't equal everything getting the same kind of energy and equal energy and equal time. It just means that the things that matter the most aren't constantly being neglected and need to make sure that they aren't constantly being neglected, maybe taking shifts on what is getting more energy at a certain time than others. So how I am starting to implement this little this little learning thing about finding balance in my own life is making sure that, because I was concerned about maybe I'd be further along and let's say acting, because that's what I've been doing the most, if I just focus on one thing. So just making sure, knowing your priorities and making sure that certain thing isn't getting put on the back burner. So for example, if I have an audition, I'm making sure that is getting my focus and that's getting done. For example, I was supposed to record this episode that I'm recording right now yesterday, but I had an audition. So yesterday I was like, okay, focus, did the audition, and now today, now today I can focus on the podcast. So reshifting the focus, making sure if there's a certain thing, you want to make sure that gets done first. So I didn't try to cram in yesterday doing both. I just shifted a little bit so that I could give yesterday all my focus and all my energy into that audition. Instead of before being like, okay, I'm only allowing myself this, let's say, two hours for the audition, because then I need two hours for this, and then I need this and this and this. I just I didn't want to put that on myself because then I was feeling like, oh, I'm stressed when I'm working on, let's say, the audition, something I want to be prioritizing, and I'm stressed and it's not getting my best energy, and it's not getting my best self. And I want to be making sure when I'm going into these things, all these avenues, I want to be giving my best self to it. That's how they're gonna grow, and that's how I'm gonna find happiness and success in them. So making sure this is that I know balance isn't equal, and it's okay if things shift, and just knowing what your priorities are and making sure those at the time don't get on the back burner. And your priorities can shift, and there probably will be at certain certain times. You may want your priority to be in one avenue, then another, but know where you're at then and know what you want your priorities to be. So when something for those come up, you get that done first, and then you can get to the rest that's on your plate. But making sure that you do one thing at a time, focus on it, put all your energy into it, check it off so that I'm still so that I'm not going into the next thing with that still lingering of, oh, I still need to finish that other thing, and I haven't fully completed, you know, a certain task that needs my energy. Okay, the next thing that I'm learning when trying to find balance in life is we choose our life. This is our life. This is our life, the chance we get. And I think that either route that I chose, whether it was to drop one of the things I'm pursuing or not, I think either route would be okay. Not that I am. This isn't an episode telling you I'm stopping the podcast because it's not. Obviously, I didn't choose that. I'm still doing all the things I want to do. But let's say, like, I was I was considering dropping one thing for the moment or going after all the things, whichever route that you take when making these decisions and finding balance. I think either way it's gonna be okay, and either way it's best for you, and you shouldn't worry about others when making those decisions because that definitely came up in my head, like thinking about others when deciding on this or not. And the other people's opinions aren't they they don't have your life, you have your life. So I think either route you choose is okay, and you can always shift and change your decision. We kind of heard this in Kat's story in the last episode, um, because she pivoted her route, and I think if she when you make a big change or a big pivot, it can be scary to not take in other people's feelings or opinions or criticisms on that. But we heard that she made this decision that was getting backlash from some people, but look where she's at now, and she knew that wasn't meant for her, and she pivoted and now is actually pursuing things that are more suited to her. And yeah, so I just I just needed to remind myself because I was definitely trying to think about how not that even my life would affect other people like that. It's not even like I'm I am I'm assuming, you know, it would have that much take on other people, but I was just like, oh my god, what are other people gonna think if I started one thing and then I paused it for a little bit and this and that, but it's my life, and I choose my life, and you choose your life. So focus on what is best for you and your mind and your balance and your life right now. I did build a life for myself where I get to pursue and go after multiple things, and that's a huge privilege, and that's something I'm so grateful for. Not everyone can do that, not everyone has the ability to do that or the freedom, and that's amazing. And literally, when I think back to you know, your younger self, and if your younger self is looking at what you're doing now, they're probably so proud or so cool. And I think that is really cool that I built this up. But that is gonna mean like sometimes life is gonna feel chaotic. But just reminding yourself in those chaotic moments that the chaos is coming from things that are good. The chaos is, yes, the result of all these good things you have going for you and you're going after and you're pursuing. And it may not be, I don't think, I'm not even saying may, I don't think it's possible where I'm gonna be a hundred percent in all areas of my life at the same time. It seems impossible to be a hundred percent in your career while you're also a hundred percent in your relationships, we're also a hundred percent in your financial monies, we're also a hundred percent in your fun time, we're also a hundred percent in your relaxing time, and a hundred percent in your health. We go through so many different seasons, and I think during these different seasons, certain things of those categories are going to get more energy than others, others, and it's gonna ebb and flow and shift. I don't think you're gonna be a hundred percent at all those things at one time, probably ever. I think I had this vision in my head where when am I gonna get to this point, or I'm working towards this point where everything's gonna be a hundred percent, and then I would feel more balanced, and then I would feel more calm, and then I would feel more peace. And it just seemed like I was on this hamster wheel of trying to get everything to a hundred percent. But as soon as I got one thing, then something else was feeling stressful and down, so then I had to go to that thing, but then other areas shift, and that's just how it's gonna be. I felt like I was trying to even it all out, but I could never get to everything being a hundred percent, and I kept disappointing myself because I kept being like, oh my god, when am I gonna get there? I keep reshifting, trying to balance everything out, but then when I go to one side, the other kind of falls, and then you go to the other side, the other one takes a little dip. And I just that's just how it is. I don't think it's possible for ourselves to put 100% into everything all at once, and that's okay. And I think part of what I'm learning when finding balance is to let that go and let go of that need for everything to be perfect and everything to be a hundred percent at some certain point, because if I don't let that go, then I'm just gonna keep disappointing myself, and then you're just gonna keep feeling bad about where you're like, where you're at, and that you're not achieving that 100% in everything, and everything being perfect at one certain point. So definitely have learned to let that go and again set myself up more realistically in how life goes and how balance goes. Another thing that I'm learning as I'm trying to discover and find balance is that, and not that I didn't know this before, but just refocusing and reminding myself that enjoying life does matter. I have talked about this as well. You being present and where you are and actually enjoying your life. That's why we do what we do, so that we are able to enjoy our life. Again, what is the point if we're not and not having fun while we're doing all of this? What is the point of chasing all these multiple things that I want if I'm not actually living my life? I don't want to look back and be like, wow, I was so productive, maybe, but I wasn't present for any of it. And I always was just thinking about the future and where these things would be one day instead of being present and where they are now and what I'm doing now. I don't want to miss, I don't want to miss out on what I'm doing currently because I'm always thinking about the future. I want to live live in the present. That's so whatever to say, of course. But I don't I want to, yeah, focus on where I am now and also the life around me that I have access to and make sure that I am taking advantage of it where wherever you are at in your life, and making sure to set time to just enjoy myself and the life that I have and that I'm able to and where I'm at and where I'm living and the friends that I have around me and the people I have around me and all those things that additionally make me smile and are the most important things. So a way that I am trying to impl what's the word? Implement the ways that I'm trying to implement this and learning this into my life and hopefully finding more balance is one, no longer setting myself up for unrealistic expectations in my day with overbooking myself. I'm making sure to only put a certain amount of things in my schedule for my day. So that way each day I am accomplishing those things, and then maybe I have an hour still in my day to relax at the end, or whatever it may be, however much time. And that way each day I am feeling accomplished with what I did, and I'm not feeling disappointed about what I didn't. So I need to be realistic with myself and not overbook myself for each day with unrealistic expectations, and then that does does give me a little more flexibility for if things go wrong, if things pop up, if I do need to um, you know, get the other kind of life things done that you do need to get. And I also um shout out to my sister Laura, who helped me come up with this idea, I guess. But I started setting up each of these things that I'm pursuing, not each of them. I already have other things going, but now kind of setting up the podcast or whatever, whatever thing you may be pursuing um in your life right now, setting it up like a job. So I took a I took into consideration all the time that I need for pursuing a certain thing like the podcast, and then setting it up like a job on certain days where I clock in and I clock out during a certain time period. So that way I do as much work as I can get done in that day during that time period, and then I'm clocking out. I'm clocking out, otherwise, I would just keep going on and on all day and all night, and then never have time to relax. So I'm clocking in and clocking out just like any other kind of nine to five. Because I don't have these nine to five kind of jobs where people do do that, and then they go home and they leave their work at work and they have that time at home to decompress and relax or spend time with friends or whatever it may be. Since these kind of things that I have in my life aren't like that, I'm forcing myself to do that for them. And that has definitely helped. Um in I've only it's we're only on week two, but it's helped so far. It's calmed me down, it's made me feel I've had that energy or that time to relax and build up my energy at the end of the day. So the next day when I'm clocking back in, I am even more productive. I'm doing better than I would if I burned myself out every single day and every single night. So it has been important for me to make sure I do that. And then this did kind of present also some more flexibility. So I have these certain days where I'm clocking in and out that then give me relaxation. But if there's an opportunity where I can pick up an extra work shift, then let's say I was supposed to clock in, clock out on a Tuesday, then I just shift that if I take the work shift, then I just shift that Tuesday to the Wednesday and just can rearrange it. So there is flexibility if I need at a certain point. So I don't have to feel so locked in and like I can't take on these other avenues to either make money, or if let's say a friend invites me to something, or this or that, or I want to plan something fun, I can shift shift it around if need be. But there is a structure to it and there is a certain amount of time elodicated. Is that a word? You know what I mean, for each, for each thing that I know like is enough time to get things done, but at the same time, then I'm making sure I step away from it, leave it behind, and then can create that balance in each of my days. And one of the big things that resulted out of this, not big thing, it's not even big, but I planned a little a little solo trip. My birthday is coming up, and it is on a Friday. Um, so for three days, I'm just gonna go to Santa Barbara by myself. It also kind of stemmed from I was like, I was having all these thoughts. I was spiraling about finding balance and my life and where I'm at and what I want to be doing, and I was like, I could be spiraling about this at home, or I could spiral about this in a different area that I've been wanting to see. Like something I have been wanting to do is explore more areas around me. And yeah, it's not very far. It is my first little solo trip, if you can call it that, is an hour and a half away. But I think it counts. It's a little baby step. But I was like, let me just go off by myself, let me give myself time to think about all these things and give myself three days where I can just do nothing, or I can just have the freedom to let the day take me where it goes instead of being on such a regimented schedule. And you can't do that all the time, but I think every once in a while making sure you do give yourself those little breaks are important. And it's my birthday, and that it also fills those boxes of enjoying my life and doing the things that I want to be doing while I'm living here, while I'm at this age, while I'm in the current state of. Of wherever I may be, like being single and not having certain things that I'm like settled on or tied down to. Like I do have these freedoms right now. So yeah, that kind of came out of this. That's what I took my um tax return money and went. I could have saved it, yeah, and probably should. Yeah, but I did it. And I um planning a little, little, quick, quick little solo trip just away, explore a different town, a different area I've never been to before, and allowing myself those times to find time for relaxing and balance. So that's exciting, and I will update you on all my thoughts on that and my experiences on that, because I haven't traveled anywhere by myself um before. So we'll see how that goes. We'll see how that goes. Um, and then the last thing that I've started to learn when trying to find balance in my life or in life in general is your life is gonna go through seasons. And maybe balance isn't something you have every day all the time. Maybe it's just something that exists over time. Maybe it's not it's not the final destination you get to, and then once you get to it, you're gonna have balance forever, and that's the final destination, and that's just how your life is forever. It's gonna come and go. It's not a consistent once you get it, then you have it forever kind of thing. It is comes in seasons, and certain seasons of your life are gonna feel more chaotic than others, and that's okay. There's knowing that certain periods are more chaotic, you have to know that you'll get out of it and get back to your balance and your recharge. And it may not be just balance is this one thing that you achieve. It's something that is going to constant constantly shift, constantly shift throughout your life. And some weeks, some weeks I'm gonna be super focused on work and picking up a bunch of maybe um shifts that make me money. Or some weeks I'm gonna be super focused. I maybe I have a lot of auditions that week, so I'm gonna be super focused on that. Or maybe some weeks I'm going to be more focused on being social with friends and family because maybe like there's a lot going on. And then some weeks, some weeks you're gonna be more restful, and maybe I'm gonna stay in a little more, or um do certain things that recover and rest. And like every week is not gonna look the same, every week isn't gonna have balance in the same area, it is gonna shift, priorities are gonna shift, and that's normal, and that's okay. And I think it's just being aware enough to adjust if something is starting to feel off, if something is starting to go too much in one way, being aware that okay, I need to recenter my balance and where should I, where do I need that focus? What is my body telling me I need right now? What is my goals telling me that I need to focus on right now? What are the opportunities that I have at the moment telling me I need to focus on right now and is my priority? So just being aware that it's gonna shift. It's gonna ebb and I don't want to use I definitely used ebb and throat flow a lot in one episode. I forget what it was. And now I'm like, I don't want to say that anymore. But it's gonna shift, it's not a final end goal, it's gonna be achieved in some areas, come and go, not a hundred percent ever the time. And that's that's life, and that's how it is. So once you accept that, instead of trying to set yourself up for something unrealistic, I think the more peace that you'll have and where you're at, and you'll feel more okay when you allow yourself to take a deep breath. Because I used to also feel bad about myself if I did take a day off. If I finally did like just sit for a minute, I used to feel like, oh my god, I'm not doing enough. I need to be doing more in this and that, and I never allowed myself the balance. But also, you know, it is a balance of working hard and knowing what you need to put into, but then also allowing yourself to relax and take the time to recharge so that you can come full force with the energy you then regained. So I hope this wasn't too much rambling spiraling. It definitely was all of that, but maybe what episode are we on? We're almost at episode 20. I don't think we're at 20 yet, but hopefully by this time you can follow along with all my thoughts that just go around in my brain. But actually, I remembered, not remembered, I kinda yeah. So I remembered when I was thinking about all this or when this TikTok came up that in then influenced me to like have all these thoughts about my life and where my life is going. About um, I don't know, it was about maybe like 10 months ago, I was on set of a film that I was um working on. And my co-star during downtime between takes, um, she had tarot cards and was like doing tarot card readings. Um, and she did mine and she pulled out a card, and the card was balance. And she said, That is what you're going to try, or you I forget if it was like what I was gonna find this year or what I needed, or this or that. I forget what the phrasing was, but I knew it was balance. And I'm not woo-woo. I know I live in LA or California, and a lot of people here are woo-woo. I'm not really like that, but it did stick with me because I knew at that time that I was craving balance and I needed it. I just wasn't taking steps yet to find it or figure it out. So I did know, like, oh yeah, I do need that, but I think it just took me some time now to like actually come to the point where I'm like, okay, I definitely need to focus on finding this and what I need for this. But yeah, that I I don't know. I just remembered that that that that that oh that that happened and it's still it still kind of stuck with me because I think deep down all along I knew I needed it, but I'm trying now to actually figure out how to find the balance and create it for myself. But I am, I am still figuring it out. Um this is literally in the moment live a live spiral that has been current in the past like month. So I am still figuring out. I still do want everything, I still want it all, I still want to be successful at so much, and I still want to work, and I still want to travel, and I still want all this success, and I still want to have fun, and I still want to sleep in once in a blue moon, and I still don't fully know what that looks like and that what balance looks like for me yet, but I do know that I am being more intentional about how I spend my time, how I spend my energy, and I think just the goal right now isn't to have everything 100% perfectly balanced, it's just refocusing on it, having it in my mind, and making sure I don't lose myself as I'm going through figuring this out, and I don't lose myself as I'm building this life that I do want, and I'm staying present, and I'm staying present, and how I'm carrying myself throughout it all, and how I'm presenting myself to the world and to others, and how I'm being as a human being in this world. And just remember that I have a lot of amazing things, and I'm so grateful for so much that I have in my life, and all these things that I'm pursuing are great, and it's not negative, even though sometimes I feel a little stressed. It the stress is coming from amazing things that I'm going after and going after my goals and dreams and things that you want. So just refocusing that, reprioritizing, shifting my priorities. But yeah, I think if we are being honest, we are all just casually spiraling and we're all still just figuring it out. So that's what I got for you today. Let me know if you've ever struggled with finding balance. I'm on a journey with it, and I will hopefully have updates to come. But so far, so good. Two weeks in, I'm feeling better. But we'll see. We'll see where it goes. And if you have any tips, tricks that you have found for finding balance in your life and making sure you're doing all the things to be where you're at, but also enjoying your life and this and that. Let me know. Please share. I'd love any ideas. These are just the ones that I have found that have helped me so far. I hope, I hope they can help you. And I know I referenced a lot like my careers and passions, but I think these can be implemented to anyone's. I just was pulling my from my own experience and my current status and my current life. Um, but but um I think it can can be applicable to yeah, whatever your goals, whatever you're pursuing, whatever things in your life. Maybe it's not even a career per se or a job. Maybe it's you're a parent and you're balancing being a parent while also showing up for yourself and showing up and enjoying your life, and but also balancing, yeah, all that. I don't know. It could show up in a lot of ways. Um, but yeah, hopefully it helped. And that's that. And I will see you next week. And I hope you enjoyed. Please like, comment, subscribe, all the things, and ta ta for now.