Surviving & Thriving a Solo Trip

we’re back and I’m finally breaking down my solo birthday trip.

I went into it anxious, awkward, and very close to spiraling… but somehow ended up having one of the best, most freeing weekends of my life. From social anxiety moments to solo dinners, beach days, and a very unexpected 3am night out, we’re getting into all of it.

This episode is all about what happens when you actually put yourself out there, step out of your comfort zone and learnhow to be alone.

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Editing by Julie Bishop

Cover Artwork by Angelina Richeson

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Being on a solo trip by yourself is kind of hot. You kind of like glow with your confidence walking around by yourself and like people finding out that you're on a solo trip by yourself. That's really hot and kind of horny. And I feel like you just radiate and glow and are just automatically 10 times more sexy. What's hotter than having the confidence to stride around and do things by yourself? I had so many people after the weekend tell me you are glowing. If you want to be hot, take a solo trip. With me, Julie Bishop, just a tall girl in this world trying to make sense of life, dating, money, relationships, identity, culture, you know, all the things. I've learned that my thoughts don't always land with the people around me. So I am here to break it all down, talk it out, probably overshare, and maybe find some who don't think I'm totally crazy after all.

Intro

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Hello! Welcome back everyone. I'm so happy to be here because last week you didn't hear from me, you heard from my siblings, so I missed you guys. I'm happy to be back. But I mean, can you believe that they did that for me? I it was a complete surprise for me. I had zero idea, zero clue. Was out at the bar when they sent me, was crying in the club. Did you guys cry as much as I did? Because I that's I listened to that over and over again, and I just I can't believe that they would get together and do that for me. It was like a full 50-minute episode. I was like, dang, okay, you guys pop off. Um, but yeah, I just felt like I needed to share that with you guys because I thought I thought it was cool hearing about me and how I got here and hearing about the topics that I've talked about on this podcast, but from other people's perspective and from other people's thoughts and outside perspective who may have, you know, seen me grow up to get to where I am now, um, seen me experience some of those topics and then hear from me and then hear them share their own thoughts on them as people who know me very well. So yeah, I just thought that'd be a cool perspective to share. And I also just loved it so much and it meant the world to me. So I thought I'd share that for last week and do a very special episode. But today I am back and we are finally talking about my solo trip that I've been teasing for a little bit now, but I am back. I'm getting back into the swing of things in my normal routine, so I'm so ready to talk about it because I definitely learned a lot from it and I definitely spiraled going into it, but then ended up thriving and had the b- I think this was the best birthday I've ever had. Truly best birthday I've ever had ever. I would say in a long time, but I think ever. And I just feel the best day I've ever felt like going into a new birth year, and yeah, but I didn't start out that way because I definitely started spiraling and anxious and nervous about doing a little solo trip, and then by the end, was just the complete opposite and felt the complete opposite. So I'm so excited. I'm literally gonna tell you all about it, and then I'm gonna tell you what I've learned about like going on a solo trip and like tips and tricks and yeah, all the things, and then yeah, all my reflections

The Story of the Solo Trip

SPEAKER_00 3:32

on it. So I'm just gonna start, dive into it, cuz yeah, I have I have a lot to say, I feel like. So this might be this might be a little bit. So I'm just gonna get right into it. But okay, so we got my birthday, setting the scene, Wednesday. Um, that's when I start my drive there. Again, not super far, but never been to Santa Barbara before, and it looks so gorgeous. And I've been wanting to explore um different towns in Cali and travel a little bit more. And I think I told you guys, like this stemmed from me feeling overwhelmed with having a lot of work to do and figuring out my life and this and that. So I'm like, just go take some days where you have nothing set, planned by yourself, calm down, whatever, re-re-center, refocus your thoughts, um, and try doing a little solo trip yourself. Okay. So Wednesday I drove up. Um, and I even just from the drive-in, as I was getting closer, you know, driving along the Pacific Coast Highway, looking at the beautiful ocean, as I was getting closer, I could feel it in my stomach. My stomach started to hurt. I was nervous, I was anxious to be going by myself and having a full trip by myself. And I literally was like, oh shit, we are getting closer. It's here. You're doing this, you just gotta do it. Um, and I, yeah, my stomach actually did hurt driving in. But that's okay. We persevered. So I got there and I dropped my car off at the hotel. I couldn't check in yet, so I just dropped my car off there and then um started walking around. And I immediately walked to a coffee shop. Needed to get my caffeine. Um, as I told you when I was romanticizing life, like I like these little things, having the freedom to do. So I did my little, little, my little coffee walk. Um, and already off the jump, feeling a little bit out of place. Um, so I get there and there's like people hanging out outside. So I it was unclear as if this was the line or not. Um, so I like wait by these people for a little bit, but everyone's just kind of hanging out talking. So I was like, okay, maybe this isn't the line. I'm looking like an idiot right now. So I go walk in because there's like space between the person um at the door outside and like the register. So I'm like, maybe this isn't the line. So I go in and like I'm like, okay, I think that was the line. People were just waiting outside, but I was like, okay, I'll read the menu while I'm here. And then I go back outside, and then there's other people in the line that weren't there, which obviously is totally fine. But I think for a second I just got thrown off and I fell out of place and they stood there awkwardly for a moment. I'm like, great, I'm already being so awkward here by myself and not knowing where I am or what I'm doing. And these are all the locals who know that this is the line and this and that. So I think I just looked awkward for a second, but then obviously just got to the back of the line because um yeah, I'm like, it doesn't matter. I'm on no schedule, I'll just get right back to the back of the line. And um, so I get to the back of the line, and there's this guy in front of me, and he was like, Oh, were you were you in line? Um I was like, Oh, I I was, but I went in to read the menu, so I didn't want to cut in front of people when I got back out. And he was like, I wouldn't have minded if you cut in front of me. So I was like, Okay, okay, two seconds in, and I'm already being talked to by I think a cute man, but he was wearing a baseball hat, and you know who I am about hatfisher, so I couldn't really tell what I was working with, but he seemed cute and nice. Um, and he just immediately started conversation like that. I'm like, okay, getting talked to in person. Um, this is new and refreshing. Don't see that much um anytime ever. Uh huh. So then um he just continued the conversation and was like, Oh, are you visiting or did you live here? And I'm like, Oh, I'm visiting. Um like by myself just for a few days. He's like, Oh, like anything specific? Or I was like, No, whatever, just telling him, No, no, just I need to come and explore. So he started giving me recs. So I started taking note of those recs and just like casual combo. And then he went up to order and then was like standing at a whatever area to wait for his drink, and then I went up to order. And why did my anxious ass? I should have gone and stood next to him, but no, I went and like found a seat at where I was gonna sit and sat down and waited for my drink, and I was like, dang, like what am I doing? Like, this is the stupid shit that I do when I'm socially anxious, instead of like the conversation was great, could have just continued the conversation and stood next to him, and it would have been fine. But no, my stupid, anxious ass went and sat down. Um, he got his drink and then he said bye to me. He was like, like, have fun on your trip, whatever, whatever, good luck, whatever. Uh, and waved at me and went out. And I was like, Why the fuck did I do that? Like, why are you starting off your solo trip doing these things? So, like, it started off good that immediately I was getting approached um and people were talking to me, but then I fucking ruined it immediately. So then from there on out, I'm like, okay, this solo trip, you're not doing this shit. You're gonna stop being socially anxious and put yourself out there, and you don't even live here, so it doesn't even matter. So you will you may never see these people ever again. So what's the what are you gonna lose? So from there on out, it was like a good spark to start the trip, but then also like a good reminder like, hey girl, put yourself out of your comfort zone. That's what you're here to do. So that's how it started off immediately. So from there I got my coffee and hung out for a little bit um at the coffee shop, and then I started walking around to shop around um the funk zone. Uh, if you know Santa Barbara, that's what the area is called, like an artsy area. Um started going into like some whatever thrift stores, vintage stores, art stores, whatever was around. And I was like walking around and I was feeling a little bit out of place, like, oh, I don't know where I'm going. Um, a little bit anxious, but immediately I just had to remind myself, like, just breathe and just take it in. It's very peaceful, it's very quiet, very different than LA. Um, very calm. And the whole point was for me to just have days where I didn't have a strict schedule and I could just explore and roam around and do whatever I want and like not be stressed. So, why are you walking around in this beautiful weather in this beautiful town feeling stressed? So I had to like literally, I was walking around. I'm like, just breathe, just breathe, explore. It's okay if you don't know where you're going. No one's actually looking at you or paying attention. Um, and yeah, just just be spontaneous and do whatever you want. So I did have to keep reminding myself that, but it was so beautiful, it was so nice. I got a pair of jeans, shopped around for a while, um, and then I decided to get lunch at one of the places that Hat Guy, coffee shop Hat Guy recommended. Um, so I got lunch there and it was super cute. Um, and something that I made a point of doing um was to have in my bag always a book and a journal because I knew when I was on the solo trip and I was gonna be like eating or sitting down at places alone, I did not want to close myself off and just be scrolling on my phone. So I intentionally was like trying to not scroll and be on my phone too much. Um, and I was trying to like keep myself open and not shut off. So I brought a book and a journal. And I thought those things would also make me feel more comfortable like sitting alone than just sitting there and having nothing to do. Um, but I didn't want to be like scrolling on my phone as the thing to do because I feel like that just is more closed off and you know, not open. And even if I have the book, I don't have to be reading it. I can pretend to be reading it and um just taking things in and feeling more comfortable just like holding it or having the book nearby. Um so like for lunch and things like that, I always had that with me, and that was an intentional thing that I planned before. Um, and right next to this place I got lunch at, literally connected to it, was the Santa Barbara Wine Collective, which um was on my list to do at some point this weekend anyway. There's a lot of wineries in Santa Barbara, I guess Cali, you know, wine area. It makes sense. So I knew we wanted to hit some of them. So I was like, I'm here. Why not do a little 1 p.m. wine flight? Because you can do what you want. Because this is your solo trip. You don't have anyone else here having to figure things out with, and you literally, why not? You're here, you can do what you want. So that was like a little joy, um, just reminder because you are by yourself, and that was the point. Just roam around, explore. You don't have to stick to a strict itinerary. So here I am, and yes, I'm gonna order a flight of wine. So I did. I got myself a whole flight of wine um to sample, do a wine tasting, sample their wines, and sat down at the winery, and it's like open air. Again, the weather's so nice, and I just sat there for like an hour or two and read my book and drank some wine, and I was like, okay, this is nice. I never just have this time to just chill on a Wednesday. Like, this is my life. It's a Wednesday at 1 p.m. and I'm drinking a flight of wine reading my book. I'm like, okay, this is good. This is good. We're good. The wine is helping me calm down. We are feeling good, we're taking it in. And of course, as I'm reading, I read in my book. Um, it says in my book, to manifest change, we must, we must change and step out of our comfort zone. I'm like, perfect. I am very much out of my comfort zone. So we better be manifesting some good things and some good change because here I am very much out of my comfort zone. Um, so yeah, I just wrote that quote down because I was like, that's kind of ironic that I'm reading that right here, right now. Um but that was like, okay, good omen, good omen for me. Um, and then yeah, once I finished lunch and finished shopping around, I went back to my hotel to check in and settle in and like re-recharge my social battery a little bit. And it's okay to do this at some point. Like these are long days being by yourself, doing the entire days by yourself. So I found that if you need, you can go and recharge in your room. But I had to like force myself and make sure I wasn't staying there too long. But I went back, got changed, took a shower, whatever, got ready, recharged my social battery a little bit, which felt good. Um, definitely needed that. And then I decided to go out to dinner. Well, my plan was I'm gonna go to dinner and then go watch the sunset. So I go to dinner and I had in my head, okay, like when I go out to dinner, ask to sit at the bar because you're by yourself. That'll feel more comfortable than sitting at like a table by yourself. You'll be like place yourself more with other people and this or that, which like I love that idea. But at the same time, I went to this restaurant and it's on the beach, and there's these really pretty tables and setup out on the beach, but I had it strict in my head, like sit at the bar, sit at the bar, sit at the bar. So I immediately went up to the host's. I didn't even look around and take it in and decide where I wanted to be. I just said kind of set the bar. And then the bar's like inside, no one's in there. The good seats are outside. I'm like, why did I do that? Like, you can calm down, you can take a minute to take it in and decide. You don't have to just rush to that. So I did kind of wish that I would have like sat outside. You're at the beach, it would be nice to sit on the beach. Um, but you know, whatever. I sat at the bar, I felt fine, whatever. Got dinner, got a drink, read my book. And I was even bringing out my book because I did read a lot of the wiring, so I didn't really feel like reading, but I brought it out anyway, just to make myself feel better, because there were a few other people at the bar. Um, and I did realize I felt like you feel like maybe when you're alone, like, oh my god, people are watching you, judging you, they're definitely noticing that you're alone and like judging you in there so that. And I definitely had those feelings, but actually no one cares. And like no one's actually like, I think, judging like that, but you just get it in your head that they are. Um, and I definitely felt like that at some points, but like, who cares? Again, you're never gonna see these people again, and no one actually cares about you. You care way more about you than anyone else cares about you, so so get out of your head, pretty much. But yeah, so I did wish I sat outside and didn't just rush to the bar, but that's okay. We are learning. This is my first time doing this, and I'm a little anxious, so I just zoomed on over to the bar. But we're learning, we're learning as we go along. Um, so yeah, I had dinner there, and then I decided I went to Butterfly Beach to watch the sunset, and oh my gosh, it was so beautiful. Everywhere around here was just so beautiful. So I was just really trying to take it in. Um, because I've always like as a little kid dreamed of living in Cali, and it's like looking around, and I'm like, I'm here, and this is my life, which is crazy. And like younger me would be so proud. Um, and never like even knew if this could actually happen or not, but I made it happen and I was just looking around, and yeah, just everywhere was so beautiful, and I was just like, damn, damn, this is my reality, and that's really cool. So take that in. I was trying to remember to take these moments in and like be present and acknowledge them because it is cool. Um I like spent many years being very lost and trying to figure my shit out, but I did, I figured it out on my own, and I got here, and now I'm here, and like it's good to appreciate that and reflect on that and like acknowledge it because not everyone could do it, and it's not easy. And you did do it, and you're here, so you gotta you gotta celebrate the wins where you can. Celebrate the wins and not just the spirals. Um, but anyway, so I'm at this beautiful beach. I got brought a a towel to sit out at the beach. There's lots of people around, um, other people by themselves. It's just gorgeous. There's a sea lion swimming around in the ocean right in front of me, having the time of its life. Um, yeah, so it was just really beautiful. And at one point, this um owner's dog like runs up to me and puts a big old stick in front of me. And he's like calling um his dog, like not wanting the dog to bother me, not that I care. And the dog is just refusing to leave me and just sits on my lap, and then he calls the dog again, and then she lays on my lap, and then he comes over and he's like, whatever, talking for a second, and he's like, put your phone up to take a selfie. I was like, Oh, okay. So I put my phone up to take a selfie, and the dog runs behind me and puts his head on my shoulder, like ready for a selfie, and it was the cutest thing ever. So I have that really cute video, and I was like, Oh my god, this is so cute. So that was nice, and then after I watched the sunset, I noticed that um next to me there was a girl, not next to me, like a little bit down the beach, there was a girl also there by herself. And at one point, she like did a like ran into the ocean and it's it's still cold very cold, so it was like a cold plunge. She ran in for like a minute and ran back out. I was like, Good for you, girl. But anyway, I was walking back to my car and she stopped me and um she asked me, she asked me if I worked at Free People because I was using like one of those free people shopping bags as a beach bag, and I was like, Oh no, I don't. She's like, Oh, I love your outfit, you should, whatever. So then I just continued the conversation and I was like, I saw you cold plunge there. How cold are you? She's like, I'm very cold. Um, and I was like, Are you here by yourself too? She's like, Yeah, are you? So we found out we were both on solo trip. So we started chatting for a little bit. She's from Indiana, so much further. But shout out, girl from Indiana. Um, and yeah, we just chatted for a bit. That was unfortunately her last night there. Um, so I didn't see her again. But it was just so nice seeing someone else, another girly on a solo trip, doing it. I'm not the only one here alone, even if my brain tells me that. So that was just a nice little sentiment. Um and definitely made me feel better. But yeah, that was that was a really nice night and experience, and I'm finding myself, like, even though I'm by myself, finding myself having conversations with people around me. So this is good. This is good. We're feeling better, we're feeling cutesy under the sunset. Um, so then after that, I go and get some ice cream, a little sweet treat, and I walk around the pier, the big pier that they have there. It's like super long, and they have little shops and restaurants at the end of it. Um, but that's pretty much where I ended my night. I did find myself by the end of the first day feeling like social anxietied out, or feeling like, you know, I did a lot. It was a long day. I did a lot by myself, and I could feel it like, okay, I yeah, I it was a it was a lot. So I was like, I did go back to my hotel around like 8:30, 9 p.m. And I was like, okay, I feel like I need to like hide now a little bit. It was a long day. It was a Wednesday night though, so I was like, it's probably better if I am gonna go out one of the nights, go out that Thursday night than Wednesday night. And I just let myself go back early, decompress, watch a movie, whatever, relax. But I knew the next night I was forcing myself out no matter what. Um, so yeah, it was a good day, but it by the end of it, I did I definitely felt it inside me. I was like, okay, okay, I have my social battery, I hit it, I hit it, time to go back to my hotel for the night. So then we're on to the next day, Thursday. Um, so I sleep in a little bit. I allow myself to not immediately have to get up and get moving. I lay in bed for a little bit when I wake up and get ready, and then I go to brunch. And it's a really nice place um by the beach. I order both savory and a sweet, because usually when I'm with friends, we're order savory and then we'll split a sweet thing, but I'm by myself. So you know what a girl's gotta do. A girl's gotta order both. She gets a burrito and she gets a side chocolate chip pancake and her coffee. Cause I can, and I'm I'm by myself and I can do what I want, and I can have it all. So yeah, I felt much better at brunch the next morning. I felt really good walking there again. I'm feeling good, I'm feeling confident more so. Um, I love walking places, like I've said before, romanticizing that. So I was walking. Everywhere, like I made sure to get a hotel that is in walking distance of a lot, so I was walking everywhere. Um, really enjoying my breakfast, felt really comfortable being alone there, taking in the palm trees and the ocean and my pancake and all that. So I was feeling good this morning. Um, and then I decided um to rent a bike. I was like, in my head, I was like, maybe I'll go on a hike today, but I don't know. I just saw a bunch of people renting a bike, and the coast is just so beautiful, and I was like, let me just do that. Um, I just get one of those cheap cruiser ones for a few hours. So I walked over to the bike rental place, rented a cruiser bike, and I started biking along the coast, up and down the coast. And I'm so glad I did that. I literally spent two or three hours and it was so fun. Again, I said this before, but everywhere is so beautiful. Um, I went off the trail a little bit and just explored little towns and Montecito and wherever I was, and I was like, Oh, I'll find my way back, who cares? Um, just found these really cute pockets of different beaches, the flowers everywhere were blooming, it was just gorgeous butterflies everywhere, um, green palm trees, ocean, literally everything everywhere. And I spent like two or three hours with this bike just trying to see it all, and everywhere so gorgeous. Went down, went back up, past the marina, all the things, and I had such a good time just exploring by myself, and I was literally looking around, like I am gagged at my own life. Sometimes you just gotta gag at your own life, sometimes. Yeah, you can gag at others, but you're like, This is my life, and I'm gagged, and I love it, and yeah, it was just really cool. Um, and then after I spent a few hours, you know what I did? I went to another winery and I grabbed another glass of wine for my afternoon because I can. And yeah, and we I'm not working today, so that's what I can. I can just grab a glass of wine when I want. Um, and then yeah, I grabbed a pizza and I brought it to the beach. It was such a nice day out. Um, so I did a little beach picnic date with myself, just grabbed a whole pizza and took it on over to the beach and laid out on the beach with my pizza, and again, just so nice, and just like, damn, what a great day. And I'm just gonna enjoy it because it's beautiful. Um, yeah, so that's how I spent my whole afternoon. And then after that, I went back to my hotel to get ready and recharge a little bit, and oh my gosh, I really was feeling like it could be so easy for me to stay in right now. It could be so easy, but no, I was forcing myself to go out. I had to give myself a pep talk, and I was like at least an hour or two, um, and then maybe you'll be back home. Maybe you'll be back home um by like 10 30 or 11. Okay, you're at least gonna go out for an hour or two. I'm forcing myself to go out. It could be so easy for me to hide right now in my hotel and just go to bed, but no, you are going out, and you are gonna have a no, you not gonna for put that much pressure on myself, but you're gonna go out and just see what happens. So I saw this bar the night before that looked like it was a little bit crowded. So I was like, okay, maybe I'll try out there first. Um, and I like Googled the menu and I got myself excited because they had a really good sounding espresso martini. So I'm like, okay, that's what I'm going for at least. At least that's my motivation. Find some motivation to get yourself out on your own. And it sounded really good. It was espresso martini with a sea salt cold, cold foam, and like gorge, and then that'll hopefully give me energy to want to stay out and not be sleepy. Okay, so I gave myself that pep talk, got myself out, walked to the bar by myself. Again, I was feeling a little nervous, but I'm like, girl, you're doing it. Literally in my head, I was like, you're gonna be walking this walk back in an hour or two. Just go, just go. So I go and sit at the bar, and the bartender is really hot. I'm like, okay, I picked a good bar because this bartender is really freaking hot. And I'm like, okay, okay, I'm gonna sit here and maybe I'll order a few more drinks to spend some time here and stare at this man. But no, I sat at this bar, bartender so hot, and I was like, okay, don't want the same thing happened with coffee man happen with bartender man, okay? Because we are learning, we are learning from the first day, and yeah, we're gonna put ourselves out there and it's not gonna give a fuck whatever happens because you don't live here and who cares, and you'll maybe never see them again if it doesn't go well. Or it could be fun. It just it's do it for the plot. No matter what, just do it for the plot, it'll be fun. So I literally I had it in my head, I'm do something about this before I leave because I will regret it. I regretted not going over to Coffee Shop Man um after we ordered, so I'm not leaving here with another regret. So I did stay at this bar for like two hours, but the drinks that was resin martini was really good, okay? It was really good. So thank you, bartender man, for that. Um, but also there was this elder couple next to me. They were on a date. It was like they were so cute. They were asking me questions, they were offering me to taste their food, they were being all cutesy, and was like, this old couple at the bar on a date, and I loved that as well. Um, so I'm sitting there, okay. So I'm sitting at the bar and I'm like, okay, how do I make a move? How do I start conversations with him? I'm trying to make eye contact, but he is so locked into making his drinks. He is like on a roll, and I'm like, uh, hello, hi, me, uh. Um, but so I'm trying to keep my head up, not be down in my phone, trying to keep myself open to having conversation, to being social, to making eye contact with him. So I um keeping my head up. Luckily, there are TV screens like at the bar behind him, so I can just pretend I'm watching the baseball game, which I did the entire time. I was just like looking at the TV, pretending I was watching, having my drink. Look at me, sports girly at the bar, watching sports, drinking my drink, looking beautiful. Um, so I kept trying to make eye contact. And of course, there was also a different bartender, and of course, he was the one who kept bringing me my drinks when I ordered a drink, and I was like, couldn't it be the other guy? Like, hello. But anyway, so it's been a little bit. I'm texting my friend, I'm like, what do I do? Um, so I'm like, okay, I need to start a conversation somehow. And then I overhear that the other guy, not the hot guy, was he said that his birthday was the next day, which my birthday was the next day. So I'm like, this is my in. So I'm like, oh, did you say your birthday's tomorrow? My birthday's tomorrow. And they're like, oh my god, no way, yay. So then I started talking to the two bartenders, um, and that started conversation a little bit. Of course, the guy who birthday it was, he definitely looked young, but I didn't realize this. He was like, Oh, April 3rd, I'm April 3rd, 2004. What are you? I was like, oh, 2004. Uh yeah, I'm I'm I'm 98. Ooh, ooh, ooh. But that wasn't the hot bartender. I I did know this bartender looked um a bit younger. But 2004, I don't know, like I know I'm only born in '98, so it's like really the end of the 90s, but still, anytime I hear a 2000's birthday, it's it sounds really weird and really young. And 2004, especially. Like, how are you working at a bar right now? Like that just that just sounds crazy. Um, but um, so I'm like, okay, they both said happy birthday to me. So I decided that when I get the receipt, I'm gonna write my name on it. Because that's like a shy girl way to do something about it, is a write your num not name. I think I just said I write your name on it. I was gonna write my number on it. Sorry, wrong thing. Write my number on it because then you can write exactly what I did. Well, first I scribbled my number on it because I was nervous, and then I was like, okay, if he doesn't text me, that means he read the number wrong. So I scribbled it in not good handwriting, and then I was like, wait, I need to make sure this gets to the correct bartender. I don't want it to go to the young one. So I wrote for mustache man because the hot bartender had a mustache, which normally is not my type, but he was really hot, guys. Okay, just trust me. He had these really pretty freckles and he was fit and whatever. He was hot. I wrote my scratched my number, wrote for mustache man, and I ran out of there. Because you're a shy girl, write your number and run. I run. I said bye and ran. Just ran out of there. Um, and I was like, okay, yay, even if I don't hear from him, I'm so happy I did something at all and wasn't too shy to do it. So then after running out of there, I go to the next bar and I get there and I see this like small table by itself, and I was like, oh, I could sit by myself. I almost did, but I was like, no, sit at the bar. Put yourself out there amongst the people and not isolated. Sit at the bar, just do it. So I sat at the bar and ordered a drink, and then this couple sits next to me, and the girl in the couple compliments my hair, and she asked me like how I did it or whatever. Um, and so I'm like, in my head, I'm like, okay, continue the conversation. Um, so then I'm like, Do you guys live here or are you um visiting? And they're like, oh, like we've lived here for 12 or whatever years. I'm like, great, any recommendations? Even though I only had half a day left, I was like just trying to make conversations. I'm like, oh, what Rex do you have? And um just to keep the conversation going. And then that did keep the conversation going. And um, the girl was like in her 30s, her who I thought was her boyfriend, I later on in the night found out it's her ex. A little messy, a little messy couple, complicated but fun and funny. Um, yeah, he was definitely older, he was like 40s or something. But um, they their other two friends met up with them and we were talking for a while, and they invited me out for their night with their so I was like fifth-wheeling, these two couples, but ended up having the best night. We bar hopped till 3 a.m. And I they adopted me for the night, their friend group. We were having fun at that first bar, and then outside that bar was one of those like golf simulator things where you hit the golf ball into the screen. So we did that for a while, and then we ordered an Uber to a different bar they wanted to show me. They're like, it's our favorite bar in Santa Barbara. Um, so we ordered the Uber, and then the big um her boyfriend, who's her ex, not her boyfriend, he's like big muscular guy, whatever, in his 40s. He like disappears. We can't find him. We're like, okay, we go to the next bar, he just appears at the next bar. Uh yeah, he was like doing drugs and getting coke and whatever. Cool, whatever. I was offered a lot of coke, which is so nice. So nice of these people to offer me coke. Um, even though I um I didn't I didn't accept, but that's okay. Um, everyone was having a great time. And um he, yeah, he went missing for a little bit, but then he just showed up at the next bar and we had good cocktails at the next bar. And mustache man did text me, so that's a win. I heard from mustache man, and honestly, by this point, I was a little drunk and I completely had forgotten about that and forgotten about him. And then he texted me. I was like, oh my god, I left my number for mustache man. I completely forgot because I just continued my night and was having so much fun. And so shout out, mustache man. He texted me, and then I and I stayed out with these people. We went to a different bar. I was literally out with them till 3 a.m. and had a great night and was being shown around um by people who live there and met these people who adopted me for the night. And I literally entered the night, like pep talking myself, thinking I always like thought, like, oh, I hope on my solo trip something like this does happen where I'm out and I meet a bunch of people. But I was literally thinking my head, like, that's not gonna happen to you, like, don't get your hopes up and whatever. And it was pep talking myself to go out, and I literally was telling myself that I'd be back home by 10:30, 11. And look at that, I ended up meeting multiple people. I ended up putting myself out there, I ended up giving my number to a hot guy and getting drunk and Ubering back, staying out till 3 a.m. and having such a good last night. And I literally I was just feeling so good. I had, I don't know, I was like, I did it, I went out on my own and had such a good time, and I could do it again, and I was feeling so comfortable being there on my own, being the girl on a solo trip, and I just I loved it. And then I got home, and that's when I got um the podcast from my siblings, and I was like, oh my gosh, so now I'm back in my hotel at 3 a.m. a little bit drunk and listening to the podcast that they sent me, literally crying and being like, Oh my god, I have the best people in my life, I'm so grateful, and just can't believe it. So yeah, overall, it was just it was such a good night, and you never know what can come out of it when you put yourself out there and force yourself to do things. And yeah, I just by this point now, waking up the next day, I was feeling so confident. I was feeling so confident doing things on my own. I didn't give a fuck anymore. I wasn't feeling socially anxious, anxious. I was thriving and felt on top of the world and so excited about life and just being there. So yeah, it was so good. Um, I wake up the next morning and I rent a paddle board. I love paddleboarding. Um, every year with my family in the outer banks, we rent a paddle board, and I just I love it. I don't know why. I love being out in the ocean. I love like if you go to the beach and you don't go in the ocean, I don't get it. Like, I was never that person or never grew up in that family. Like, we were out in the ocean so much, and I just find it so fun and like wanting to get better at paddleboarding. So I knew that's something I loved. So I wanted to make sure that now this is my birthday morning. I'm running a paddleboard, I go out on the ocean on the paddleboard, and I'm out there for like an hour and a half, and you can just see the mountains, you can see the beach, the palm trees, the big old ocean out there, and you can just see it all, and I'm just I'm just feeling like I'm thriving. I'm coming off an amazing night, and I'm now like looking around like this is my life, this is my birthday morning, doing something I love, looking at beautiful views out here on the water, the weather's gorgeous, and everything is feeling right in the world. And yeah, it was just so great. And then, um, and then after that, I went and got coffee and I got lunch and I shopped around State Street, which was the shopping area where they closed down the street for everyone to just walk through, and I was just feeling so opposite of the first day. I was about to leave here, I was trying to take in all my last moments here, and I was feeling the complete opposite of when I drove in here, and I was like, oh my gosh, I could do this again, I could do a solo trip again. And it really just flipped a switch, and I was like, oh my gosh, so much can happen. It gave me so much time to reflect, take things in, and do things on my own, and just open myself to great experiences because you never know what's gonna happen. So yeah, then I drove home that afternoon, and that was the extent of the solo trip portion,

What I learned on a Solo Trip

SPEAKER_00 38:03

and I learned so much. So I wanted to go through with you now like the specific things throughout. I kind of touched on obviously some things, but the specific things that I learned going through a solo trip. So here we go. Okay, the first thing um that I kind of mentioned is to remember to just breathe and take it all in and enjoy it. Don't try and rush through one thing to the next and rush to just getting back to your hotel and like sanctioning yourself off from the world. In these moments, if you even if you're feeling anxious, remember to just pause, be present, breathe, and take it in. Look at just literally look around and be like, okay, I'm here. I'm here, I'm doing this, and I'm grateful, and this is amazing. And don't forget to enjoy it with all your anxious feelings. Don't let that take away from enjoying it and experiencing it. Because definitely the first day I was like feeling that in my stomach, and I was like, girl, what's the whole point of you? Remember what the point of you being here is is to feel calm and not feel stressed. So why are you doing that right now when you have these days to literally be in beautiful weather at the beach and do nothing? Um, don't don't waste it. Don't waste it. Remember to breathe and enjoy it and why you're here. The next thing that I mentioned was bringing a book or journal around with you instead of always pulling your phone out. I'm really glad I did this. I think it made me feel a lot better whenever I was eating out or by myself, and it didn't just keep me on my phone. And because I had my book in my journal too, I think that helped with the thing before of taking it in and reflecting and being present because then, like, instead of scrolling on my phone, I was either reading my book or writing down like what is around me, and it kept me present and kept me in my thoughts of why I'm here and remembering, you know, remembering to stay present and what I'm grateful for and how I got here and all the things, all the good things you want to go into the new year with, all your thoughts and feelings, or even my bad feelings. I was writing down, but it just kept me reflecting and it kept me thinking and staying present instead of scrolling on my phone and being stuck in that and closing myself off to the people around me. The next thing to remember is on solo trips, there's no rules. You can do what you want. Enjoy that freedom and that ability to be spontaneous because you have no one else here, you have no one to please but yourself. So if you want to just randomly go to a winery, whatever, you can. If you want to just change the plans and rent a bike instead of going on a hike, you can. Like you are by yourself, so you don't have to please anyone else, you don't have to do anything for anyone else but you. So, and like we don't always, it's so rare that we have days where we're not set to a schedule or where there aren't quote unquote rules, you know? Like where we, oh, we have to get up, we have to go to work, we have to go to the gym, we have to take care of someone or run an errand. It's so rare to find days where we don't have any of those necessities. So remember that you don't have those because then it's gonna pass by you and you're not gonna take advantage of that or enjoy it. So remember, there's no rules. You can do what you want, you can be spontaneous, you don't have to stick to anything strict and enjoy it. Enjoy that freedom while you have it before you go back to your reality. Um, the next thing would be I mean, kinda what I read in my book, that quote that I wrote down was like to grow, we have to step out of our comfort zone. It's so, but yeah, it just reminded me how important it is to make ourselves step out of our comfort zone. Because we're not gonna naturally do that because it feels uncomfortable. So we're not gonna naturally just come across stepping out of your comfort zone. I think sometimes it does take a little pep talk, it does take a little forcing, and that's okay. It doesn't mean it doesn't mean it's wrong, it doesn't mean you shouldn't step out of your comfort zone because you have to force yourself to do it. I think the best things like came out when I was, I mean, the whole trip was out of my comfort zone, but the best even moments came out of it. So yeah, if you like you're not gonna see any difference or any change in yourself doing the same things every day over and over again, just feeling comfortable. And a lot in life is scary and risky, but you're never gonna know the benefits that will come from them if you don't do it, if you don't take the risk, if you don't get out of your comfort zone, do something uncomfortable, take a risk and try something different. You're just gonna stay stagnant the whole time. And if you're looking for change, if you're looking for growth in your life, as I was before going into this, then I wasn't you're not gonna find it just in your bedroom at home, you know? You know what I mean? So you you gotta you gotta step out, even though it's scary and it hurt my stomach. My stomach was anxious going into it. It didn't feel the best at first, but then it felt amazing afterwards. And kind of going off on that, like that night out that I have, force yourself on a solo trip to go out, force yourself to put yourself out there. You never know what may happen. And you know, if nothing crazy happens, at least you didn't like regret just staying inside and not knowing. You know, it's always what if you don't know. So just keep keep forcing yourself when you're on a solo trip to put yourself out there and be out amongst people as much as you may want to hide. Because yeah, I had such a good time. And I was so proud of myself for talking to people and taking risks and whatever, just doing things for the plot. And yeah, so force yourself to go out instead of just staying in your hotel the whole time. Um, and then also kind of what I was saying on a solo trip solo trips by yourself, being by yourself for that many days in a row. It gives yourself time to reflect and look at where you are and love the person you have become. It gave me kind of like what I was saying, a lot of time to reflect and be present and look at my life and be like, damn, this is my life. It just like recentered me, even though like I was always I'm all I'm always doing that and I'm always grateful for where I'm at, but it really gave me that peaceful time to think about where you've been, have you gotten here, and now that you're here, and looking back, and like even if I may not be exactly where I want in certain aspects of my life that that's okay, and like I came from such a different time in my life to where I'm at now, and I have so much more time in my life. It kind of brings me into this next thing I wrote down. I said, um pretty much like this reflection time, it made me realize that moments for myself are pretty cool, and it had me look around and like it had me realize that I created this life for myself, and I'm the only person who has been along for the entire ride. So, yeah, my life might not be the typical life. I don't own a house, I am single, I don't have a nine to five, I am still living with roommates and this or that. But I have so much other time to accomplish those things. I'm gonna accomplish those things eventually. I have time, and it's okay where I'm at, and like what's the rush? It really let me just soak this in and soak in these moments and appreciate all the cool things that I do have because again, not everyone was out doing all those things that I was doing just chilling on a Wednesday to Friday. Not everyone can, and I've created that for myself, and yeah. So a lot of reflection time and appreciation time. The next thing was to don't let the anxieties or shyness control you or take over. It's okay that they're there, they were there for me a lot, but when I was sitting at that bar and I wrote my number on the receipt for mustache man, and I was so proud of myself, I was like, is me being shy holding me back from these moments? I felt exhilarated. I felt so fun. It was like whatever. It felt exciting. So are is like shyness or anxieties, don't let them, they can be there, but don't let them control you. Because then you may miss out on certain things, you know? You may miss out on these moments and experiences. So that's something like I recognize like it's okay that they're there, but it's good also to force yourself to push past them so that you don't miss out. You don't miss out on life, life happening right in front of you. I also learned that being on a solo trip by yourself is kind of hot. You kind of like glow with your confidence walking around by yourself and like people finding out that you're on a solo trip by yourself, that's really hot and kind of horny. And I feel like you just radiate and glow and are just automatically 10 times more sexy. So that was definitely another important lesson that I learned. Um, so if you're looking for a glow up and need to feel that again, go on a solo trip. Because what's hotter than having the confidence to stride around and do things by yourself? I don't know, you tell me. But I really think I had so many people after the weekend tell me you are glowing. And I felt that. I felt that as I was there and as I was out and as I got more confidence. So if you want to be hot, take a solo trip. And that was probably the most important lesson I learned. And then the last kind of little thing I wrote down um about like things I was learning and appreciating as I was going along was to stay open, put myself around people instead of isolating myself. It's okay to take those social breaks in between to recharge your battery and recover if you need to, but then go back outside. Then go back outside, stay open, stay open to the people around you, stay open to the possibilities of where your day might take you and your night may take you and your time may take you and what's around you and what may come. Don't close yourself off. Um, yeah, or isolate yourself or all the things. Stay open to the experience, stay open to what you may learn, stay open to what you may reflect on, stay open to other people, all the things, just in general, stay open to what may come, and then you may find that the most fun and exciting things will come. And

Reflection/Conclusion

SPEAKER_00 49:12

yeah, I just drove home from this weekend, that weekend, um, and that trip, just feeling so good, so refreshed, like I accomplished the world. I'm ready to take on the world, feeling way more confident, and yeah, it just left me to even reflect further afterwards. I was alone for the trip, but I felt so, but it made me feel so grateful for the people that I do have in my life, and I am so lucky to have the best people in my life and to have grown up with the best people around. And like, not everyone has four siblings that would record that they're close enough with that would record a whole podcast for them. Like what? And like not everyone would have the best friends that encouraged me to go on this solo trip to figure shit out, and not everyone has I don't know. So even though I was alone on the solo trip, it weirdly enough made me so grateful for the people that I am close with and have in my life, and that I'm just so lucky for that. And then I so I drove home that Friday afternoon, and that Friday evening I did things with my friends for my birthday, and I never really asked people to do things for my birthday um since I was, you know, a kid and throwing birthday parties because I do like I hate I hate to bother people, I hate to ask people to come out and it costs money, it costs time, their time and money. Like, I don't want people to feel the pressure that they have to spend money on me or for me or like make something about me, which is weird because I am in the entertainment and the podcasts and uh love attention, but but generally, like I don't I don't want to put that pressure on people or make people feel like they have to come do something for me or again spend money and time and whatever. And I like I never like I feel like the one time I've done it in the past and everyone can't ended up canceling and this or that, and it just leads to whatever. I don't it it just I never stupid people pleaser tendencies never wanted to be a bother for other people, right? But anyway, the point is I never asked people to do things for my birthday, but this year I decided to. Nothing crazy, but I planned like a night with the girls uh because my birthday was also on a Friday, which is nice. So we did a rooftop dinner at sunset, um, and it was so beautiful. Oh, again, back in LA, surrounded by amazing women on a rooftop at sunset, looking out at the ocean, looking over palm trees, we're being given free champagne and free dessert for my birthday, eating amazing food, and I'm looking around and I'm like, I yeah, I have the best people in my life. I've only lived in LA a little over a year, and how did I meet the best people in LA? Because I did, and I was like just again so grateful, and I'm like, all these friends too, like they don't all, they're not all, we're not all one big friend group. I invited friends from like, you know, my little different mini friend groups, and they all are getting along so well. And I had multiple people text me separately the next day that they love, they're like, I love your friends. So like multiple people, like I just know the best people. There's no no one none of them create drama, none of them are they're all so kind, they're all so fun. Everyone's getting along and enjoying it, and I was like just looking around, very appreciative. That I'm like, dang, and I've only lived here a little over a year, and this is my life, and yeah, that's kind of crazy. It was just so amazing, so beautiful, and I couldn't believe it. And I felt like the bestest, greatest, most grateful girl in the world stepping into year 28 and just feeling on top of the world up there. And yeah, then we went out after, and I told everyone to invite whoever to going out to bars after, and other people met us out, and again, was just like having the best people around me, knowing the nicest, kindest, funnest people, bar hopping, dancing, got really drunk, probably the most drunk I've had in a while, but it was my birthday, and that's what some of my friends' mission was. So, like, it was just so nice. We scream, sung songs, we danced ourselves home, we yeah, got very drunk, we met boys, we literally all the things spent the best time with people who are just down to have the best time. And yeah, yeah, and then we on the way home were singing, karaokeing, dancing literally all night until we got home, and I couldn't ask for anything better. It ended up as the perfect ending with a bunch of friends after three days being solo trip, and just all around feeling on top of the world and feeling amazing and feeling so grateful, and I couldn't have asked for a better time. And yeah, and it all started with my solo trip, and the energy I got from that solo trip really just ignited me, and yeah, yeah, I'm just now like speechless, like just feeling so good, so grateful, so glad I did it. Highly recommend 10 out of 10. We'll be doing another solo trip at some point. Maybe I'll go a little further next time than an hour and a half again. It wasn't that crazy, but it really just opened myself up to putting myself out there more and new experiences and new people, and it gave me excitement for the possibilities to come this year. Um, I don't know exactly what this year will bring me, but there's excitement in figuring that out. And even it really had me like, even though I may not be where I want to be in my career and this or that, again, it really just reminded me what's important in life, and that is the people around me, that is the experiences, that is all these other aspects that I do have going for me, and that's what's important. The career can come, there's time for the career can come, and whatever, the money and this and that. But what's important about life is creating these moments and the people that you have around you, and feeling all the confidence and thriving feelings that I felt. So that's how I left that. And I'm started the solo trip spiraling, and I left it feeling much calmer. Don't worry, I'll have more spirals, don't you worry, for this podcast. But um, and just in general, but yeah, started the solo trip spiraling and ended it less spiraling and feeling confident and thriving. So that's what I have on that. If you've ever done a solo trip, I'd really like to hear about it. I'd like to hear your takeaways, what you've learned, maybe where you went and you found like was a good spot to go for a solo trip so that I can plan another one. And yeah, I just thank you to everyone who is in my life and who has made me feel really amazing and who has um yeah, contributed so much to my life. I'm so grateful. Um, and I may cry now. Um, I'm so grateful for the people that I have, the people I grew up with, my family and my friends, and I'm like seriously the luckiest person in the world. All right. Now that I'm about to cry, that's what I have for you today. Um, I love you. I'm grateful for you as well. Anyone who is listening to this, um really grateful. And I hope you are following along. I hope you enjoyed it. Um, yeah, please comment anything about your solo trips. I'd love to hear it all. DM me or email me. Please, please, please. I want to hear about it. And I will see you next week. Have fun spiraling, have an amazing week, and I will see you next time.