Are Dating Apps Bad for Our Mental Health?

WE'RE BACKKKK BITCHES! 

This week on Casually Spiraling, we're talking dating apps and mental health.

After realizing a friend and I had both deleted the apps for completely opposite reasons, I started wondering why the experience left us both feeling exhausted.

I share my own experience with dating app burnout, how the apps started affecting my confidence and self-worth, and some of the research around dating apps, loneliness, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion.

This isn't an anti-dating-app episode. People find great relationships on them every day. But sometimes the cost to your mental health becomes bigger than the benefit.

Have you ever deleted dating apps? If so, why?

Article Links:

 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563225003267?utm_source=chatgpt.com

https://www.sciencedirect.com/org/science/article/pii/S2561326X25002616?utm_source=chatgpt.com

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Editing by Julie Bishop

Cover Artwork by Angelina Richeson

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Dating apps are like casinos in a way, in that they have to strategize where the reward needs to be. It's just enough to keep users coming back for more, but the reward cannot be so high that users walk away and not return, which can increase addictive behavior. They have this addiction of, well, what else? Or in this case, who else can I get? Just one more swipe away could be someone better and hotter. Welcome to Casually Spiraling. With me, Julie Bishop, just a tall girl in this world, trying to make sense of life, dating, money, relationships, identity, culture. You know, all the things. I've learned that my thoughts don't always land with the people around me, so I'm here to break it all down, talk it out, probably ever share, and maybe find some who don't think I'm totally crazy after

Intro/Updates

SPEAKER_00 1:11

all. Hi, hi, hi, welcome back. I'm so excited to be back. I know it's been a minute. We're in June now, and I hated it. Trust me, I hated it. I'm sorry, it was about a month ago with the new episode with the latest new episode. Um, so we're a month out, but I'm back now. I'm back, I promise. I just I just was busy with life and my episode of how to find balance. I talked to you guys about it and my struggles of trying to balance this and acting and everything, and it just so happened I had a month of this acting thing where I was in rehearsals every single day and working and dog sitting and just driving around all of Los Angeles every single day, um, and just had to fully dedicate myself to that project, and then it went straight into me um going out of town for my sister's wedding and just really wanting to be present with the family and doing all the made of honoring and all the wedding shenanigans, so yeah, so I did take take a few weeks off. Um, so if you're here today listening, we're back with a new episode. Thank you for coming back. Um yeah, it was just a very hectic month, so I appreciate you sticking it out. But I'm here, I'm back, we're getting into summer, I'm very excited. Um, yeah, it feels weird because I'm used to doing this literally every single week. And then now I'm back after not doing it for a few weeks, so we're getting back into the groove. But so much has been happening while I've been gone. Um, so let me update you, of course, of course. Tune in for the tea. Um, first off, if you're watching, you can see I started to bedazzle my um podcast mic, so that's very exciting. Um, but I do need to finish it. I I ran out of the gems, so I need to order more and I'm gonna finish it, but that's my first fun update. Um, and then what else has been happening? Well, I've been gone so much. Um, okay, yeah. So in a previous episode, I was talking to you guys about how annoying it is to call a doctor's office and get a doctor's appointment, and I was just trying to get my annual checkup gyno appointment, and I told you guys how how difficult that was and how frustrating it was, and how I was not on this certain VIP list that the lady was telling me. Anyway, funny moment. I am finally going to my appointment. I had my appointment while I was gone. And first off, I guess just to get the appointment, I was just like, give me any doctor, whatever. I need I just want I'm trying to get into the office. And then um, of course, I show up and I'm like, Great, it's a it's a male, an older male. And I'm like, obviously, I don't know, if you're a girl, you know, some like it's whatever, but sometimes you prefer a female to be all up in there. And um, so I go, I'm wearing my Eagles Philadelphia Eagles sweatshirt that is my comfort sweatshirt, I wear all the time, and I'm there, and the doctor walks in and is like, Oh, you're from Philly or whatever. Um, apparently he's from like the area, so I am legs wide apart, in the straddle, coochie out, doctor doing his thing, camera up inside of me, and it's just like it's just I was laying there laughing, being like, these experiences are so weird. Like this older man doctor is up inside of me while asking me about the eagles. I am spread eagle while talking about the eagles with this doctor, and it's like, oh, what beach did you grow up going to? Ocean City, Sea Isle, whatever. Oh, what area? Oh, did you go to this mall? What high school did you go to? Um, literally talking about all things Philly and growing up in Philly and the Eagles. Well, I'm just spread eagle and they're doing their thing down there. It is just the weirdest experience. And I'm just laying there laughing, like, what is life? And then, of course, because it's a male, uh, when it's a male doctor, they have to have a chaperone in the room to make sure um nothing weird is happening. And so there's a female chaperone, and for some reason, she is going in and out of the room every minute, and that door is just opening as I am full spread eagle out in the open, and she's just going in and out of this room like it's nobody's business, and like I am not exposed to the entire office right now. I'm just like, okay, cool, this is how it's going. We're talking about the birds, the door is opening and shutting as I am just fully on display, and yeah, that is just yearly routine of being a woman, spread eagle in those stirrups, nothing like it, nothing like it. Um, yeah, so that's my update on that. We're all healthy, we're getting checked out. What you gotta go through to do it is crazy. Um, yeah, so I had a few weeks there of this acting um thing that I was doing, and then I took off for my sister's wedding. And um anyone who knows me knows that I sleep very well on planes, I just knock the fuck out. Something about how the plane rocks, it just rocks me to sleep for some reason, even if it's the middle of the day, or like even if I'm like just staying up and like not closing my eyes and trying to watch a show or something, I end up falling asleep. I don't know. Blessing, I guess. It's a blessing, but for some reason, my body gets very comfortable sleeping on planes in public. Like I was on this five-hour flight and knocked out the whole time. Mouth wide open. There's no one in the I'm on the window seat, there's no one in the middle seat, and then a guy on the aisle seat. So we had that extra space spread out, mouth wide open, snoring, probably drooling. I woke up with morning breath because my mouth was wide open, like no makeup on, my contacts aren't in. I wore my glasses, hair everywhere. For some reason, I had and I had a full-on dream too. Like I was deep in sleep. I was dreaming while on the plane. Like I was not in and out, I was knocked out for the five hours. I wake up and they're like 30 minutes to landing. I'm like, perfect, perfect. I slept through the whole thing and now we're about to land, perfect timing. But I just like woke up and thought, like, anyone who sees me on a plane must be judging me. I would be judging me, must think so ridiculous. Like, I'm not cute on a plane. No fucking way. I'm wearing sweatpants, a sweatshirt. My mouth, I'm telling you, wide open. I'm way too comfortable sleeping in public like that on a plane. And I literally laughed at myself, like, I look so ridiculous, so embarrassing. Thank god no one was next to me that I wasn't like leaning over on top of them or in their space or whatever. It's so ridiculous. And then, as I'm thinking this, um, well, the guy that was in the aisle seat, he got me one of the like biscoff cookies that they hand out. Usually, if you're asleep, you miss out on that. But he got me one. I was like, he like, um, I slowed my headphones in and he just like handed it out to me and like gave it to me. I was like, oh, thank you. And whatever. Went about my business for the next 30 minutes, listening to a podcast or whatever. And then we land, so we land, and I take my headphones out. As soon as I take my headphones out, he starts talking to me and like starts talking to me and flirting with me, and I was like, no fucking way. This man saw me sleeping like that for four and a half hours and decided, yep, I want to talk to her. Like, no way did I think that that that would make that happen. But anyway, he starts talking to me, and he's like a comedian that was in LA doing some shows, lives in Philly, going back to Philly, whatever. And he's like, Oh, we land now. There's only like we we just landed, we had a whole five-hour flight, and we just start talking now. I was like, Yes, yes, man. I was sleeping the whole time. Of course, we just started talking now. Did I was like, it was so confusing. But anyway, he like gives me his like little comedian card, but like, listen, this is not a meat cute. Like, sometimes people talk about a meat cute in the airport. This is a net. Look, he told me he already told me about a seven-year-old daughter, and he was wearing skinny jeans. What am I gonna do with a seven-year-old daughter and what am I gonna do with a man in skinny jeans? Not for me. Not for me. Just no. Those were two deal breakers for me. This man, but I appreciate him not being disgusted by my disgusting sleep and my snoring and whatever I was doing during those four and a half hours where I was past the fuck out. I appreciate that. But you know, he had a seven-year-old daughter, what am I gonna do with that? And he's wearing skinny jeans. It was just a recipe for disaster. Recipe for disaster, not gonna happen. But he like, we're getting off the plane now, and he like takes my bag down for me, like, thank you, and then he waits for me outside the plane. So, like, we're walking off the plane, he's in front of me, and then um, someone who was like waiting for one of the wheelchair assistants kind of like gets in between us, so I'm waiting behind them so the wheelchair chair can go. This man stop. I was like, perfect, like they got in between us. I didn't know how to end this or walk away from this guy, perfect. I get up to the what the outside of the ramp or whatever, he's there waiting for me. I was like, damn it. So then he starts talking to me as we're walking the baggage claim, and I'm like, how do I get out of this? And then he offers me a ride home. I was like, what? No, this is not the week for me to get kidnapped. Thank you. Um, and again, maybe if I was interested, this would be a meat cute, but no, and I was like, uh, actually, you know, my my parents are waiting outside. Um, and I really gotta go to the bathroom. So um, thank you, man. Um I'm not gonna take your ride home. And then I was like, oh, I gotta I did have to go to the bathroom. That wasn't a lie. Um so then I was like, went to the bathroom, nice meeting you, parted ways. Um, oh, and before he like asked for my Instagram or whatever, and I was like, oh my gosh. So yeah, eventful plane ride, even though I slept four and a half hours. Um, but yeah, I guess my deal breakers are seven-year-old daughters and skinny jeans, just not for me, apparently. Um, but the wedding week ended up being so amazing, everything was so perfect. Like, it was the best day ever. I don't even know how else to explain it, but best day ever. Good vibes from everyone, dance the night away. Is actually insane how nothing else matters in the world when you start seeing your sister walk down the aisle. Like, actually crazy. I didn't I didn't plan for that, and yeah, it was just it was just the best day ever. Weather was perfect, every she was stunning. Um, everything went beautifully. Um I ended up crying. That was not in the rehearsal. I did not plan for that. Cried so much, that was embarrassing. Me and my other sister who did the our maid of honor speech ended up crying during the speech. Again, we didn't rehearse that, it was not in the minutes. Um, so a bit embarrassing, but it was like truly the best week ever with the best people, um, best experience ever. And yeah, it was so happy. So I know I took some time off, but it was all for good things, and I'm back now. I'm back, and we're gonna get in it today.

Deleting the Dating Apps

SPEAKER_00 13:11

And what I want to talk about today came up because um, so both me and my friend were just talking, um, and we both just without planning it or have told each other previously, found out that we both deleted um our dating apps off our phones. But we came to this conclusion for opposite reasons. Um, yeah, so sh she just happened to mention it. I was like, wait, me too. So we started talking about why and how we got there, and I thought it was funny because I deleted them because I wasn't going on any dates anyway. Um, I wasn't hearing from people, it seemed like no one wanted to get off the app. I wasn't finding many people to match with. Um, but yeah, so pretty much I wasn't even going on dates for them from the app. So I was like, why do I have these? And she deleted them because she was going on so many bad ones. So we both had different experiences and ended up ended up feeling the same way and in the same place and actively then just deleting them, um, deleting them all together, full send, no pausing, just delete. Um, and I was like, huh, interesting. We both had very different experiences, but ended up in quite the same place. Um, and honestly, for me personally, a little bit embarrassing, but they just ended up not making me really feel good about myself, or it was getting to a point um where I was feeling that way. And look, I know I'm a bad bitch, but no matter how much you know that about yourself, the constant of not hearing from people and not getting dates and not wanting to match with many people at all, um, and hearing about other people going on so many dates and having so many matches, or getting relationships out of it, and then I'm there, and it's like everyone just stops replying, no one wants to get off the apps, and I like swear I was doing nothing weird, literally so normal, but someone would literally ask for my number and then not hear from them, or they would just ask, they would ask me out and ask when I was free, and I literally just say yes and be like, Oh, I'm free Wednesday, Thursday, never hear from again, like constant, over and over again, and I'm like, I'm literally not doing anything weird, but with this repetition and not success and not going on dates from them, it did start making me be like, even though I know I'm a bad bitch, it did like somewhere inside of you, it's like, well, what's wrong with me? Why is this not working out for me on there? Um, why am I not getting dates from them? Or why am I not wanting to feel the need or want to match with many people on here? And I don't know, it just kind of led me to questioning myself a little bit when I don't think I needed to be, and some self-doubt started creeping in, and my self-esteem was going down a little bit. So I just was starting to feel that, and I was like, okay, what's the point? I'm not going on dates and I'm not feeling great about myself as a result of them. So I know we've talked about before the cycle of pausing and restarting and pausing, restarting, but this time I swear I've never been more happy to just full send delete. And I have not had one moment since of wanting to uh re-download them or curious of re-downloading them or even looking for them on my phone, not one ounce of missing them. And usually I feel like by the cycle, maybe by this point, there would be a let's try this again kind of thing. Um, but nope, not not one moment or thought of that. It is only been like two months now, and it has been, as I told you, a very busy two months for me. So maybe I just been so busy with other things that I haven't even noticed. Um I didn't even know if I I don't even think this past month I would have even had time for dates anyway, when I was telling you about my schedule. So who even knows if that contributes it? But yeah, I just I just was yeah, not even concerned about them at the moment. Now who knows, it may change, but that's just where I ended up feeling. And um, I know I've talked about dating apps before, it's such a big topic, everyone does it. Um, but this was like the first time that I really was experiencing like a toll on my mental health because of them. And um, I just found it interesting that both me and my friend were feeling very exhausted and tolling from them, but because of different um experiences leading up to it. So, same outcome, even though we're going through different things on there. And I know it can be very frustrating to dwell on how dating these days is so different than it used to be, and it is much harder, and there is such more bullshit surrounding it. I mean, I talk about all the time, people talk about it all the time, because it's just so constant, and it can be annoying to dwell on it, but it just yeah, it just struck me that we both deleted our apps, but for completely opposite reasons, different experiences led to the same experience. I wasn't going on dates and she's going on endless dates, but we both ended up on the same place, same exhausted feeling. So I wanted to I wanted to research this a little bit, get some facts, get some info, see what was out there on the correlation of dating apps and then like the effect on your mental health and see see see what we could find, what the stats

Dating Apps Affect on Mental Health

SPEAKER_00 19:13

were. So I did um read some articles for your today's episode, um, Science Direct. There were two talking about studies they did. Um, and I want to share some of the some of the facts from the studies they did and talk about them a little bit. Um so the correlation with dating apps and mental health. But pretty much it says that their results showed that dating app users has had worse psychological health and well-being than people who didn't use dating apps, um, and across a variety of outcomes that came from it, including depression, anxiety, et cetera, et cetera. Um, and one of the articles went on to talk about how online dating and dating apps is a multi-billion dollar industry, and it's a business and it's an industry, and for it to be profitable, they need people to be actively engaged on the apps. As much as they advertise that they want you to find love and they want to get you off the apps or delete the app, as one of them may say, they're constantly trying to keep you on them because that's how they make money. If you're still on the app and actively using it, that's how they make money. So even though they're like, we want you to find someone, get off of here, really they're working towards keeping you on it. And to do that and to keep you actively engaged and on it, they want you to have hope of like finding it and finding love or whatever you're searching for, and then but not yet quite finding it. So you have that hope that it's out there and you're gonna find it. So that's why you're on there and active, but then you don't quite find it because if you find it, then you're gonna lead it. So so they're not gonna have you quite find it because they need to keep you on there. So then as a result, you keep are building, you're built up with this hope, and then I feel like you get teared down and teared down a little bit each time. And I think dating is a topic everyone goes back to, it's talked about so much because love is so interesting and it's universal, and it's probably the biggest thing that people are searching for. Um, and I just feel like with these apps and it's dangled in front of you, or you know, you're on there for sex and getting laid. Either way, that's dangled in front of you, and the chance of it is right there. It keeps people excited and there just dangled in front of you constantly, but you never quite get it. It's a brilliant way to get customers coming back and then ended up possibly feeling the need to pay for it because it's just it's right there in the chance of it, and you feel so close to it because you're like have it in the palm of your hands on your phone and the possibility. Are all right there, and maybe one more swipe could be your person, so they just dangle it right in front of you, and then don't quite don't quite get you there, but they keep you hooked and they keep you actively engaged. Um, and it went on to say that in 2026 they did this study about burnout and dating at burnout, and it said that users showed increasing emotional exhaustion over time. There's more anxiety, depression, and loneliness, and that led to more burnout from the apps. So I thought that was interesting because it's crazy that when someone is trying to find companionship and trying to not be lonely, they can end up feeling more lonely than before and before downloading the apps. I myself started feeling this in different ways, like obviously still single, but also just felt like I was having an isolated experience than my friends or others that I saw on the apps, and it just led me to question things about me and question, am I the problem or what is it about me? And that just causes more isolated feelings and um a little bit of loneliness, anxiety, and that burnout feeling. So, like people can literally get burnt out from the dating apps, like emotionally exhausted just from existing on them. And it's just that constant hope and getting lured lured in by the possibilities and then leading to disappointment over and over and over again. It is exhausting and it's tolling. And then let alone the time you need to swipe alone and sit and swipe and be focused on them every day, that itself is exhausting. And you're spending all this time swiping on your phone and feeling the need to make time for it instead of actually being outside and meeting people outside or putting yourself out there outside instead you're staring at your phone. Um, at least I always felt the need when I had the apps. I'm like, oh, I gotta like actually make time to swipe. And by the end of my day, I already felt tired, but I was like, you have to make time to swipe, and then I'm just like exhaustedly swiping, and it's not making me feel any more energized or better, it's making me feel more exhausted, and it just felt like a pressure where I have to have to make this time to sit alone and be on my phone instead of during that time could be socializing in real life or doing whatever or getting actual sleep and not feeling exhausted and rejuvenated. Um and then I think also the dating apps can create this illusion that you are working towards finding a relationship when actually like maybe somewhat you're working towards it, but really you're just sitting there swiping. You feel like, oh, I'm I am trying to date right now, so what do I do? I download an app and then I'm just stuck on my phone staring at my screen and swiping. When and that that's our generation, I feel like is the when you're dating, when you're putting your um yourself out there, they correlate it to, oh, well, like, are you on the app? Are you trying? Do you you need to be trying to date? When yes, that's great and all, and um it is a way to meet new people that you wouldn't have met before, but it is this illusion of that's the only way to be actively working towards a relationship or whatever it may be when really you could take that time and put it towards, you know, just creating your own life and the life you want and putting yourselves in situations um of meeting new people. But that's not so easy, of course, and it's not always everyone's reality. Some people may not feel the need in their day-to-day time to go outside and just swipe here or there, but you you feel productive because you feel like you're spending time on dating, but scrolling through profiles isn't the same of creating a life for yourself and building a life where you can meet new people. So they did more research on loneliness and the algorithms, and it says that some research suggests dating apps may increase loneliness and anxiety, partly due to how they're designed. So the matches, the algorithms, and the pay features. So the research is saying that apps might actually be designed in a way, and they are actually designed in a way to keep you swiping, not necessarily designed to have you find someone. And they did this comparison that I thought was really interesting, and it pretty much states dating apps are like casinos in a way, in that they have to strategize where the reward needs to be. It's just enough to keep users coming back for more, but the reward cannot be so high that users walk away and not return, which can increase addictive behavior. They have gamified the process of meeting a partner, invoking gambler techniques, thus leading to behaviors that are addictive and compulsive. Um, and even now using AI tools are being developed by dating apps to maximize the subscriber revenue, which is then potentially causing excessive harm to the psychological profiles of people on the dating apps and hindering the development of healthy relationships, which then becomes a large public health concern. So I thought relating this to gambling and that addictive gambling aspect where they need you to feel like you want to keep coming back, but the reward can't be so high that you walk away and never return, but it needs to be just enough to keep coming back. And I feel like I mean, that is exactly how they operate. Not only this, but I feel like the game and gambler feeling also then lends to people not taking things seriously on the apps because they have this addiction of well, what else? Or in this case, who else can I get? Just one more swipe away could be someone better and hotter. Like I I won a little bit of money, let's say, with an with um one match, but why would I stick to this when there's more I could win more money? I could win a hundred more dollars or two hundred dollars. The possibility of that, what else is out there with one more swipe? So why would I commit to this match that I have when the excitement of what is better and hotter out there with just a few more swipes could be, and it's that addictive gambler feeling of maybe like people say, you know, you win, you should take what you win and walk away. But it's that addictive feeling of, well, what else can I get? And what else can I win? And can I win more money? So you keep playing and keep swiping to see what else is out there instead of just committing and being serious with the matches that you have. So slowly, I feel like slowly over time, when on the apps, it has switched to not facilitating off-app meetups, but it's just more of an addiction of how many matches can one get. So slowly over time, instead of at the beginning, like one match or two, you may meet up with people outside, but then the more and more and the addiction feeling comes, it's like not even focusing on meeting up with people off the app. It's just like, oh, how many can I get? And what else can I get? And who else can I get? Kind of feeling. And then it leads to no one getting off the app, and everyone stops answering, and no connections are made, and pen pals, and then for the person on the other side of that who is um the one you match with, but you leaving to the side because you're wanting more, then constantly feeling that over and over and over again is like, what is happening? Is it me? What is going on? This feels like shit, etc. etc. etc. Um, another thing that I've started wondering is whether the apps have removed some of the social skills that people use to develop naturally through, or they used to have to develop naturally through needing to approach someone in person to ask them out on a date, or handling rejection and learning how to communicate. Before dating apps, groups of men, typically men, I'm just gonna speak from that perspective, who wouldn't be dating, they wouldn't be going on dates if they didn't have the necessary communication skills um to go up to someone and just ask them out and be able to handle the rejection and just simple communication and approaching skills. So I feel like before the apps, if you wanted to be dating, you were forced to learn those skills, those basic skills. And then the people who didn't have those skills or have any interest in those skills just ended up not dating and they weren't in the dating pool because that was the only way to get on dates. And if they can't do that and they can't learn a basic communication or approach skill, then there there was no other option for them before the dating apps. So the people that were dating did have those skills. But now with the apps, it's allowing people to hide behind their phones, hide behind a wall, and not have to learn these basic communication skills. In order to get a date, they can now be on their phone and not make much effort and not um learn just the basics in order to get a date. They now have more access than before, and they wouldn't have been now they're with women who they wouldn't even have been in the same dating pool um before the apps, but now the apps are allowing people who you're not even compatible with or not typically in the same dating pool to be in the same dating pool. So then it's just a bunch of people that no one's compatible with. And maybe this is what people are experiencing who are the ones going on so many bad first dates off the apps, and there was periods of time where that was me, and in this instance, it was my friend, and maybe that's what they're experiencing on these constant bad first dates, is that they keep ending up on first dates with people who are lazy and haven't learned communication skills to get a date. So then they're constantly going on these first dates with people who before they never would have ended up in that situation and they're not compatible because before, if men wanted a date, they were forced to learn these things because they had to physically walk up to someone and ask. Now everyone's hiding behind the apps and don't actually have to think or put in effort or basic effort to get their needs met, and again, I'm saying men, but that's just the typical experience. It could be for women as well, but what we're seeing um and what the article is talking about was for men in these instances, and because it was before the apps, it was always a man approaching a woman in a situation and asking her out. And then I think on top of that, the men that are paying for these premiums and extra features, and when you pay, when you're a paying customer, they're supposed to bump your profile to be seen. The ones that are paying for these features are the ones that it wasn't working out for when they weren't paying, correct? So it's probably a majority of the people who didn't have these skills and um abilities because it's not working out for them on their own. So then they go to do the pay features and they're the ones paying. So then they're the ones profiles that are being shown to you and pushed to the front to show to you. So they're the ones trying to get better results. And now because all the men are the ones these are the men that are ones paying, they're all getting shown to women, and they're the ones with the premium benefits, so then it affects the women because then they are being shown the men that they are not compatible for over and over and over again, and then they feel worse about themselves, and they feel insane because they keep going on dates with these people who they're being shown that aren't actually their compatibility, and then it's an insane, crazy cycle of like hope and disappointment, and then not feeling good about yourself and questioning things and questioning yourself, and just leading to that sadness and the exhaustion and the burnout and the mental health self-esteem decreasing all the things. And because, like we said before, that this is an industry and a business and a money-making business, million-dollar industry, the paying customers are where these apps are making the most money, so they want to keep those customers on the longest. So you may be paying and maybe maybe paying to hopefully get off the apps, but you're paying and they're receiving money from you. So wouldn't they want to keep you on the app and keep your money coming in? So maybe it's not an algorithm that actually sets you up for success. I don't know. I don't know. These are just some thoughts when thinking about that it is a multi-billion dollar industry, um, that could be the reality, and it is probably the reality. I mean, it's all about making money for them. So of course it works out for people, and I have mentioned I paid for it before. Like it, I'm not knocking anyone who does. I have an if you're gonna like pay for the chance of finding something like love is and relationship is is a notable one to do it for. So yeah, I get it. Um, but just with doing more research on how they operate and then leading to this effects that it can have on you, um, yeah, it's just something to think about and be aware of in these situations. Um and yeah, so before the apps, even if it wasn't just approaching someone in person, I feel like a little bit more effort had to be made, whether it's like someone saw someone and then they found your social, they they went out and sought you out and found your socials and then DM'd you later. Or they saw a your a friend knew someone that they were attracted to, so then they have a friend connect each other. It might not have just been approaching, but there was a little bit more effort being needed to being put in before the apps. They had to physically do something to meet someone, whether it was like go through a friend, do some research, find someone some way, put some effort in, and now they don't have to do shit really because they just download something on their phone and just can lay in bed and swipe. Another point that the article is making is that people with social anxiety and this fear of rejection are more likely to rely on dating apps, and then that also kind of develops a problematic usage and patterns because if a lot of the people that are using the apps are what people with social anxiety, and it's not everyone, of course, but I think it is leading more to that because they're everyone's getting so used to just being on their phones and not actually having to experience out in real life. So I feel like if that's a lot of the people on the apps, doesn't it just like just constantly then fuel more anxiety for everyone on there? Because if all your options on there are people with social anxiety already, and then apparently the ones who already feel anxious or insecure end up using the apps more, it's just seems like an endless cycle of everyone matching with people who also don't know what they're doing, and then no one just feels good about it at all, and the app just then constantly not bringing success just leads to more anxious feelings and insecurity. If you're already going on there feeling anxious and insecure, and then you don't have success from the apps, then don't you just feel even more anxious and insecure? I don't know. It just seems like it just fuels each other and increases it instead of decreasing it. And yeah, I don't know. That's just a thought I had when I read that they talked about that, yeah, more people with anxiety rely on it because they have to rely on it because if they don't feel comfortable um talking to people in person or whatever it may be, so then it's just a whole pool of people feeling anxious and insecure, and no one is then making any progress and feeling good about each other. I don't know. I just thought that was interesting, and yeah, and I am speaking all of this because as I talked about, if I'm being honest, I started questioning myself and not so much my worth, I don't want to say that, but just by these app outcomes that I was receiving, it did not intentionally, but every more mash that didn't lead to a date or anything when that happens over and over and over again, when a ghosting happens over and over and over again, and it all builds up and it all becomes data in you that starts to make made me question. Let me just talk about for me and not put it on you, made me question a little bit about me as a person, or it felt like it was data inquiring and building up about me as a person when that's not true, it's all it's all craziness on there, it's all algorithms, it's all the business and the money-making business and trying to keep people on there. But it's and as much as you can know that and know these facts about yourself, or know you're what beautiful and you love yourself or this or that, just this constant, constant not success, constant rejection, constant not getting matches or comparison or whatever it may be can take a toll and it can lead you to not feeling great, even if you don't want to or you don't want to question yourself. In the back of your head, it could be there. And that's just honestly where I got to. And what led me to be like, all right, delete, I'm not getting a benefit out of

Conclusion

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this. And look, so many people win on there, so many people have met their person on there. That is why I've always come back to it, and I know there's so much talk around dating apps, and it is a lot of negative, and I know that there are positives, and people meet people they otherwise may never have met in person on there, which is great, and there are positives, but I think even those that do end up finding relations on there might have struggled first, they might not have found their person right away. Maybe if you're lucky, it's your first match and it ends up working out for you, and I love that for you. Um, but I do feel like a more majority of people do struggle at some point on there. And they're not all evil, and yeah, people meet their spouses on them every day. My sister, who just got married, they met one hinge. So what am I to say, you know? But I do think sometimes there's like seasons where they're good for you, and seasons where maybe the app stops serving you and it's not your time to have them on the phone and maybe take a different approach. Um, yeah, I just kind of decided I'm just gonna live my life right now, do my thing, do my activities, and whatever comes my way, comes my way. And um, yeah, I'm just gonna live me, live my life, work on me, and yeah, if something comes and something comes, and that's great. But um, yeah, it did finally hit a point where there was a cost to my mental health, and that it's not a good thing, and at this point was bigger than any, you know, benefit than I could potentially uh get on there. So so that's just where I'm at right now. Who knows? I may end up back on there one day, and that's okay. But for right now, I've just never felt so content with deleting them ever before. And I just wanted to do a little research, get the facts, get the facts on what I was feeling. And I think knowing these facts about the effects of your psychological thoughts and issues and mental health with them, I think it's just worth being aware of and discussing because it can start affecting you and your mental health without you even realizing it. I feel like the more and more you swipe, it slowly starts to take a toll on you, and you don't even realize it until maybe you're really burnt out when you reach that burnout. So I think just being aware of how the apps uh work and that it's not about you and it is an industry and they're doing what they can to keep people on there. So just being aware of that, I think, is important to discuss and worth noting if you are someone who feels like they may be taking a toll on your mental health. Um, I am gonna put the links of the articles in the description of the episode for the podcast if you want to read the full articles. Um, you can as well. There's two of them on there. So yeah, just go to the episode description wherever you're listening to this episode, and yeah, let me know. Let me know in the comments. Uh, have you ever deleted dating apps? I'm sure most people have at some point, but what was your reason when you got there? Was it was it that you met someone, or was it that you weren't getting dates, or was it that you were going on too many bad dates, like my friend? Was it are you more of a were you were more of a me in the situation, or you were more of my friend in the situation? Um and yeah, were you happier with them or without them? I think these are all just things to think about and be aware of in the moment. And yeah, let me know. Let me know in the comments. Um, thanks for having me back. I hope you enjoyed today's topic. Um, I'm so excited to be back. I can't believe it's been a month. I've really hated it. Trust me, I've really hated it, but I'm back now, and I'm so excited to be here. So please keep listening and share and subscribe and like and comment and all the stupid bullshit that I ask you to do. Um, but please, I really appreciate it and I really want to keep growing, casually spiraling, so anything you can do to help would be very appreciated. Okay. Have a fantastic week. Be sexy, be hot, be everything you want to be. Bye.