Ep. 14 - Surviving a Stroke and Losing a Spouse Finding the Will to Keep Showing Up

Friendship that holds through the worst moments is hard to put into words, but this conversation tries. Jill sits down with Andrew Reiss, a retired pediatrician and long-time family friend, to talk about what it actually looks like to rebuild a life after something shatters it. For Andrew, that was a massive stroke in November 2019 that left his left side paralyzed, though he had no awareness of it in the moment. For Jill, it was losing her husband Adam. Both of them have been figuring out, in real time, how to keep going.

Andrew talks honestly about the early days of recovery, going from full speed to complete stillness, and how he developed what he calls minimum daily fitness, a small, non-negotiable commitment to his body that had as much to do with quieting his inner critic as it did with getting stronger. He also reflects on a recent climb up Pico Duarte, the tallest mountain in the Caribbean, and what came into focus afterward about identity, letting go of the role he had held for decades, and what he is building now in its place.

The conversation moves into what Andrew watched work with his patients and his own kids over the years, specifically around emotional validation and resilience. His point is simple but easy to skip over: you have to validate the feeling before you try to change the behavior. And the modeling of resilience, he says, starts with parents actually taking care of themselves, not just their children.

There is also a quieter thread running through all of it, about connection, vulnerability, and what happens when people stop waiting to feel better before they take the next step. Andrew describes it as acting your way into better feeling, and Jill recognizes it immediately from her own work with clients walking through grief and depression.

This one covers a lot of ground, stroke recovery, grief, parenting, identity after retirement, service work abroad, and two people who have stayed close through all of it.

Contact Jill K. Bershad, LMHC, CAP

• Email: jill@jillbershad.com 
• Website: jillbershad.com
• Instagram: @jillkbershad.lmhc
• Facebook: jillkbershad

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hi friends, I am Jill Burshad, and this is the Present Moment Project. Come with me on a journey of healing, transformation, and curiosity. I'm a licensed mental health counselor, a Reiki master, hypnotherapist, a sound healer, and an EMDR trauma therapist who also is a widow. I have learned how to move through life with grace in the aftermath of tragedy. I have learned how to use these modalities through my own healing journey. I hope you're listening, and I know this podcast will help you on your healing journey as well. It's not always easy so you too can laugh again. I look forward to having you along this wild ride with me. So here we go. Let's get started. Hello, friends! I'm Jill Berkshad with the Present Moment Project Podcast, and today we are here with my very, very dear friend Andrew Reese. Hi, Andrew. Hey Jill. I'm so happy you're here. Thanks. I'm happy to be here. Thanks for making it happen. Um I'm like a little like I'm I'm conflicted. I don't know where to start with you. There's so much to talk about. Okay, let's start from the beginning. Okay. We go way back. So we go way, way back. And really, I go way back more so with your brothers, right? Jordan, um, Andrew's younger brother, we were in the same grade at the same school. And then um I used to I used a rollerblade with Ant with uh Chris. Oh yeah. Andrew has a twin brother, for anybody who doesn't know.

SPEAKER_04 1:40

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

And we've been dear friends for a really, really long time.

SPEAKER_04 1:44

Along with Laura's sister, Lisa.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

And with Lisa, who just had a happy happy birthday yesterday. That's right.

SPEAKER_04 1:49

Happy birthday, Lisa.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Happy birthday. So I have so much I want to talk to you about. So much. But this is I just want to, you know, set the foundation for our listeners that my family has a relationship, a friendship with Andrew and Laura and Linda and the whole family really that goes beyond, you know, just like hanging out. You know what I'm saying? And the reason that I bring this up is because when you go through hard times, it is so critical for me. It is so critical that I have real, authentic, true friends, not the type of people who just say, like, I'm here for you, right? But you guys have shown up so incredibly. And Janine, I don't know if I told you this, but and we'll tell the listeners that when Adam passed away, you and Laura, without skipping a beat, without even pausing for a moment, said, We will fly and we will go pick up Jolie for you. And that couldn't have been, you know, the most convenient thing for you guys, right?

SPEAKER_04 3:03

That was one of the more hard things we've done.

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Really?

SPEAKER_04 3:07

That's that was not easy.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

Do you want to tell me about that? We've actually you and I have never really talked about that so much.

SPEAKER_04 3:15

Well, that was a very difficult time for the for everybody.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

So let me go back. Andrew and and Adam played poker every Monday night, every Monday night, plus holidays, birthdays, special occasions.

SPEAKER_04 3:31

2007.

SPEAKER_02 3:35

2007. Yes. And so they played poker together.

SPEAKER_04 3:40

And we continue to this day. And they continue to this day. Adam was one of the originals, the OGs.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

Adam was one of the OGs. And you guys, what did you do? Remind me, you made like a trophy with tell me about that.

SPEAKER_04 3:53

We created a competition and Adam loved it, and I loved it, and we all loved it. And it was part because we we don't play for a lot of money. We play for a we play for some money, but not a lot. And um to make it a little bit more friendly and competitive, we created a competition where the uh at the end of the year we would figure out who had won the most money, and that person would get their name on the trophy. We'd pass it around from house to house. And that was a fun part of the game. And then when he passed, we changed the trophy to c rename it, and we call it the Adam Bershad Memorial Trophy. You've seen it.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

I have seen it. I know, I just haven't thought about it in a while.

SPEAKER_04 4:32

It's currently at my house.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

Yeah, right. It it goes around, right? Like it rotates houses.

SPEAKER_04 4:37

It rotates to whoever wins the year before.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

Right, right, right. Oh, and you were the winner. You just had to get that in there, of course. So let me just say also, and we're gonna get back to the to the other thing we were just talking about, is so here we are, we're going along with life, and you guys, you know, every Monday night, plus plus plus, you know, me and Laura, our families. I do have to say this, I hope this may embarrass you, but I have to say this. I think there was a big shift in our friendship when you and Adam had that competition. Do you remember competition? Yeah, let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_04 5:09

And then when we went to dinner early, friendly competition is and then Adam and Laura talked about the sole contract.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Do you remember all that? I remember all that. Okay, go ahead. You tell the story.

SPEAKER_04 5:18

Well, the competition was Adam and I both were trying to live a healthy lifestyle, and we both recognized we needed to lose some weight. So we made a competition. I think it was we both wanted to be 140 was the number. So whoever could get to 140 first. And I'm well over 140 now. I'm over 150, right? As and uh and I'm healthy. Um and uh but that was the goal at the time, and whoever that we made rules like you have to get there, but you have to be there at that number or less for something like seven days in a row to complete it. Like you couldn't just hit the number once and then go back over it. So that we and we talked a lot about how could we be healthy? Um, and that was one piece of it. But we were exercising not exercising together, but we were talking frequently about our exercise and our personal health.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

Do you want to talk about what you had to do every morning?

SPEAKER_04 6:07

Oh, we weighed in and took a picture of the weight and sent it to each other, right, so that we would see how the competition was going. That was fun. So we were texting every single day.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Very good. And and the like reward for winning was we had to take the other winner out to dinner.

SPEAKER_04 6:24

Remember where we went?

SPEAKER_02 6:25

I did. We went to Trattorio Romano on Palmetto Park Road.

SPEAKER_04 6:29

And we ate a lot of pasta.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

And we ate a lot of pasta and chicken parm, and it was amazing. And Andrew and Laura got into this really beautiful conversation about, you know, our our contract.

SPEAKER_03 6:41

Adam and Laura?

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Yeah, well, yeah. Oh, did I is that what I said?

SPEAKER_03 6:44

I think you said Andrew.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

Adam and Laura got into this really nice, beautiful conversation about, you know, you come into this life, your your soul's contract is already in place. We were talking a lot about kindness matters, and I really think a lot about the soul contract in relation to Adam's death. Right? And um it's a comforting way for me to look at it. Anywho, so we're going through life and it's it's all grand, and um, and then you know, we get a phone call that you, Andrew, had a massive stroke.

SPEAKER_04 7:14

Right.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

And we're gonna get back to that because then I want you to go through sort of your journey.

SPEAKER_04 7:20

Well, first let me state 2019, November of 2019. So right now that would have been six and a half years ago. Six and for context. Yeah. Okay. Six and a half years ago.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

So, yeah, I can't even believe it's been six and a half years. Oh, and let me mention it was like two days before Thanksgiving, and Andrew was home for Thanksgiving and insisted on having their 50 people at their home to host. And when I say massive stroke, I mean you were you were tinkering on death.

SPEAKER_04 7:52

Yeah, I was I was in bad shape.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

You were in really bad shape.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

Yes, and it was yeah, it was it was uh it well the day itself and the stroke itself was was not something that was particularly difficult. I was sort of checked out. Um and uh although I was awake for it and my left side wasn't working at all. I remember um and that was terrifying to others. What was so graceful for myself was that I had no awareness that I was paralyzed. And the the gracefulness of it was the the ignorance was bliss, as they say, right? Yes. And I was truly unaware that left side existed, left anything. And so I wasn't aware that this was happening. I wasn't I I got there were some my memories of that night are are coming in pictures and there was some awareness of stroke and stroke happening, but there it wasn't like that night I wasn't like it didn't feel like I was dying, I wasn't scared, it was like I was in the hospital. My brain wasn't working well. But I don't remember it as as a uh a fearful moment and a scary moment from my perspective. Obviously. Anyone who could see me could see that it was a terrible situation. And that I was, you know, at a very critical moment. And fortunately, everything aligned to get me to to get me quickly to the right hospital and in the hands of the right person. And then go past the blockage and pull out clot after clot after clot from my brain, and then repair the carotid artery and have me wake up in the neuro ICU four hours later, um, on the day before Thanksgiving, and miraculously I woke up moving because he had done such a great job. And I wasn't normal by any means. Right. It took a while to recover. I don't know. I don't know. We're still recovering, aren't we?

SPEAKER_02 9:54

All right, we all are, yes.

SPEAKER_04 9:56

Just like we're all still growing up. Yes, yes. And um, and but I was moving, and because I was moving and I had total ignorance to having been paralyzed, I never experienced being paralyzed, but anyone around me who saw me did. And that's pretty traumatic, I think. But I didn't know. So what a beautiful thing to to to recover from and in that way, and then and then um for about a week after my stroke, I don't know if I ever told you this part. About a week after my stroke, something had happened that made me feel euphoric, as if I was on a drug. It was weird, but I was feeling grateful, of course. Yes, but also just uh just happy in some way that was hard to explain. Because I was also very weak, you know, weak in my body, but in my spirit, just I didn't feel yeah stressed or bothered. Are you feeling emotional right now? Of course.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I I I I am as well. And um, you know, I I just I think back to when you had your stroke and I I think I really think about your doctor all the time. Like I really think it was the doctor. You know, I mean, of course it was Laura getting you quickly to the hospital, to the right hospital. But I think to myself, it could have been a different doctor and like ended differently.

SPEAKER_04 11:24

Could have, although there could have been a different doctor who did just as great a job.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

That's true.

SPEAKER_04 11:28

Right. There's lots of great doctors out there, and I got a great doctor.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

Yeah, you did.

SPEAKER_04 11:31

And I'm so grateful to him for having done so much.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

You didn't know him, right?

SPEAKER_04 11:34

No, not until I woke up in the CU and he came in to talk to me.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:38

And tell me what happened. And then I was like back to my doctor self and asking lots of questions and understanding the CAT scan and the procedures and all that stuff.

SPEAKER_02 11:45

Right. So do you talk to him now? Do you keep in touch? No. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 11:50

No, I was a regular patient of his. And it was a beautiful thing to get to know him for that short period of time. And I would love to see him. Um and no, I was his patient.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

Yeah. So does it when you're his patient, as doctors, ethically, is it not okay to become friends?

SPEAKER_04 12:08

Oh no, no, it's fine to become friends.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

Okay, because in my, you know, in my fields, I can't do that.

SPEAKER_04 12:13

Oh yeah, you can't be friends with your patients. No, no, no. No, no, but as the doctors are. So as medical doctors, that's really okay. 100%. So that's why I was wondering if you're not going to be able to do that. Yeah, we just didn't it just didn't happen that way. It didn't happen that way. Right. Uh I was such an amazing recovery, though, that they wanted to they asked me if I would be willing to participate in their uh month no monthly or quarterly stroke um conference. Every apparently at Del Rey Medical Center, where they have a excellent um uh uh care system for people suffering from acute stroke and heart attack. Um they also have stroke conference where they discuss cases and they bring it out for everyone to participate. Everyone in the stroke and stroke, when you say stroke, you've got to talk, think about the emergency room, the operating room, the recovery room, the ICU afterwards, the floor afterwards, the physical therapist, the nutritionist, the occupation, all of those people get to go to this kind of a conference and talk about the various aspects of a person's situation and uh treatment and recovery. And so they asked me to be on that, and then the pandemic hit and I didn't get to do it, and I was gonna go up and speak, and I was excited to do it.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

What timing? What timing?

SPEAKER_04 13:28

I know. For me, it was a for me so think about this.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

I'm thinking about it, though.

SPEAKER_04 13:33

So for four months I went from 60 to zero, basically. Right. I had nothing to do, I was off of work and on disability, and uh had nothing that I could uh that I that I could take up my time, right? I just needed to focus on myself and my recovery. And um and and and those four months were hard because the world kept going. Right? The world kept going, and I didn't know how I was gonna fit in. And then the pandemic happened and the world s literally stopped.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

I I to me that's a gift.

SPEAKER_04 14:05

That's exactly what I'm saying. Yes. Yes, I'm getting emotional again.

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Yeah, because it's like wow, like the universe put that time right in front of you with no pressure to have to go back to work or to have to do, just to do.

SPEAKER_04 14:20

You got to just be and like so I was figuring out how to do that stopping thing already for four months. Yes. And then the world had to figure it out too.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

Right, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 14:34

So my recovery was hard. So I went through so I went through like some physical therapy and occupational therapy. I continued to have some mild deficits in my left arm, um, but very mild. And I can I I picked up golf since since uh I had the strokes, as you know. So um I feel like my body's working well. And um it made me very fatigued and I couldn't go back to work more than part-time. Uh and so I did go back to work part-time after seven months and continued that for four more years before retiring a couple years ago. And uh yeah, I've been I've been blessed. I've been really blessed.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

So blessed. Yeah. And we've been blessed. But could you imagine? Oh my gosh. I I I I well, I mean, we're having to do this with Adam, right? Yeah. So I want to talk a lot more about what it's looked like for you in the last six and a half years. And but I do want to go back. I do want to talk about, because I'm I'm curious. Anything you want to talk about about what that was like for you. You said that was one of the most difficult times in your life was going to get Jolie. And you guys did it anyway. You didn't even think about it. Like you just and you were the two most perfect people to do it.

SPEAKER_04 15:48

Let's talk about it. She didn't yeah, we were the two most perfect with Lara and her kindness. And me and I was like, and I was ready, I had some medications for Jolie in case we needed to use them because yeah, I I like came prepared. Yeah, and yeah, it was scary because she didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Right.

SPEAKER_04 16:03

She didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

Right.

SPEAKER_04 16:04

And we didn't know how she would react to such traumatic news.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Right.

SPEAKER_04 16:10

And uh you remember when you spoke to her like uh FaceTime or Zoom. I don't remember. I think it was like I think there was a TV screen. And Laura and I were in another room next to the room where and we could hear it.

SPEAKER_02 16:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:26

We could hear it.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

That must have been horrible for you.

SPEAKER_04 16:30

It was hard. I mean, we were already going through it ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 16:32

Right.

SPEAKER_04 16:32

But we were now we were worried for Jolie. And uh she did great. And she did great, she was amazing. I was so happy. Didn't need to use any of the medicines I brought. And um I don't know what she went through. I have no idea what she went through in those days and in those moments.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Um and we we uh and and and also it you were also the two right the m two most perfect people, not only because you're a doctor and you're a pediatrician, and Laura, you know, we you know, we all know how Laura is.

SPEAKER_04 17:09

Yeah, well, and Laura and Jolie were already close to the other. Yeah, we already knew each other.

SPEAKER_02 17:14

Right, you already had a relationship. I was her doctor, and so I needed people to go who she was gonna trust and feel safe with. It could have been so different.

SPEAKER_04 17:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

It could have been so different.

SPEAKER_04 17:25

Right, and and we were grateful to go because like when tragedy strikes, everybody wants to know what can I do?

SPEAKER_01 17:32

Right.

SPEAKER_04 17:33

Right, what can I do? We want to help. It helps us feel better.

unknown 17:37

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Which is why Laura and I were.

SPEAKER_04 17:40

You know, that's why we were like, we'll do it.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:43

We're the we're the right people.

SPEAKER_02 17:45

Janine, I know you're listening. You would not believe it. You would not believe it. There was not a second, not a second went by. You two looked at each other, and I have to say I do not remember a lot from those days. Right, fair. I I really don't remember a lot, but there are a few things that I remember very clearly, and we were talking about this, and we were in my neighbor's home, and I was like, Oh, and you and Laura looked at each other and you said, We're gonna go.

SPEAKER_06 18:15

We'll go.

SPEAKER_02 18:15

We're gonna go. We'll go, we're gonna go. I mean, that's a huge thing for me to have to consider and try to figure out, finding out that day that my husband passed away. So you have no idea. That was well, you have an idea because you lived through it, and okay, so um That was a bad day. And and m moving through, you know, now it's been almost four years. Can you believe that? Four years. Andrew has been amazing. He I should probably shouldn't put this out there publicly, but he's like Jolie's private concierge doctor. Yeah, well, Jolie's. I mean, she's you know, they have a relationship. We're friends. And forever, we're friends.

SPEAKER_04 19:00

For my friends and family, I'm always happy to take a phone call or a text.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

And that's it. What? And that's it. And help in any way that I can.

SPEAKER_04 19:10

Well, and help in any way that I can, but that's how it starts. But I told you. So I was like, people will text Laura.

SPEAKER_02 19:15

And say, well, Andrew.

SPEAKER_04 19:16

I don't want to bother Andrew. Could you ask him, or do you know? And sh the the funny part about it is is the text back, I I'm like, just text them. So why are you bothering me? Yeah. It's a joke. But uh people who are in my friends and family group who have my number, I I like it when they reach out and ask simple questions and how can I help, or where do I go, what do I do, or is this an emergency, or should I worry about this? And I can't do that. I don't know the answer. I'm the first one who will say, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

I used to do that with Laura. I would say, is Andrew around? Because, and I've told you this before, Adam used to say to me all the time, please do not text him. He does not want to be bothered, he's a busy guy, please don't do that, you know. And he was just trying to protect you, right? Like he didn't want you to be bothered.

SPEAKER_04 20:03

Well, that's what he would say to your family.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

So that's why when you know he he passed away and I was like in this like state, and Jolie was having all of these like health things she thought she had going on. I had to come to you, but I had in my mind Adam's voice saying, please don't call him. He's such a busy guy, don't bother him. And I have to tell you, I think a lot of people really wouldn't want to be called. And now that we've been doing this for like four years, I really do believe that you want to help. And and I I do only call you though when it's an emergency. I appreciate that. I don't need every I don't need every little thing. No, no, no, not every well, trust me. Yeah, I've saved a lot of phone calls.

SPEAKER_03 20:43

That's cool.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

But if it's if it's something that we can not bother you with, we try not to. So thank you. And you were very clear with me. You said, Jill, do not text me, do not call me, I'm not gonna respond. Jolie has to do it herself.

SPEAKER_04 20:58

Which I appreciated. You know, as she's grown up. But that helps me because I said I say now Jolie, he will not respond to me. Jolie's Jolie's got a lot of smart medical information in her brain, and she she's good at applying it, and she has a lot of questions that she needs answers to. Yeah, of course, of course.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

I have to go back to one thing, and then I want to I want to talk about your last six and a half years. This is just, I have to say this. You were talking about um Jolie and that you had brought medication and she didn't even need to take it, and she did great, and she I have to say, I think she may be one of the strongest person you know people I know. I really do. That's right. I think she is such a strong, strong person. And I think too the older she gets, she's gonna know how to, as we all do, right? As we all get older and we mature and we age, like we we start to understand how to channel you know our positives or work our our weaknesses to the best that we can. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 22:01

Yeah, but when you say Jolie's such a strong person, I'm not sure what you mean when you say strong. Can I ask you a question about that? Like can you be like what is that strong?

SPEAKER_02 22:13

It's not that sh I mean she's it's not that she's not emotional because I don't think being emotional has anything to do with not being strong or strong. She's she's wise. Like she's wise and I think she gets life and I think she's intuitive and I think she's resilient. That's what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

That's what she means.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

I think that and that's what this whole podcast is about. You know like what she has been through and my other children, you know, and Jolie was the youngest obviously 14 going into high school and she was definitely a daddy's girl, daddy's girl, daddy's girl he was good cop I was bad cop. It was you know made things challenging right and so it it but I see how hard she's been working for almost four years. You know she's about to go off to college in another state. I'm so proud of you Jolie she wants to be a nurse and she wants to help other people and she's kind and she's generous that's great.

SPEAKER_04 23:13

You know I didn't know she wants to be a nurse.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

She wants to be a nurse.

SPEAKER_04 23:16

That's great.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:18

Nursing is a wonderful profession.

SPEAKER_02 23:19

I know I know I I'm so I'm just so proud of her because it has not been easy and I've watched her and I think she kind of knows what she needs. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 23:33

I think for herself you mean right what she needs for herself to take care of herself. Yeah. That's good. That's what we want all of our kids to learn how do they how to you know learn how do you take good care of yourself and go do it. Please please take good care of yourself.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Yeah we all have to take good care of ourselves which you know brings me to this conversation with you which is you've taken such good care of yourself and you're really like living right like you're making the most out of life.

SPEAKER_04 23:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

And I want you to talk about all that you know you went through this tremendous time and I remember you had people coming to your house to do yoga classes with you and breathing and people were bringing you baked goods and crystals and all that.

SPEAKER_04 24:13

Well I went from 60 to zero right so I went from 60 to zero and zero in the beginning was just like lying in my bed and I must have been watching TV I don't remember but like oh November's basketball season so I took in so many Miami Heat games. I remember watching the games even when they were like some of the games are a 10 p.m start if they're on the west coast of the country and I would start them at 10, I'd hit I'd record it, I'd fall asleep, I'd wake up in the morning and I'd watch the end of the game because I had nothing to do. And and I wasn't on any specific restrictions you know other than like whatever I could do but I couldn't do much.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

Wait can I ask you though a quick question did your doctor say to you that you shouldn't like be on the computer or watch TV at the beginning? No.

SPEAKER_04 24:59

Because they told Adam that you know when he was recovering from his brain surgery not to have that type of Yeah I didn't have you didn't need to do that because it was all endovascular meaning coming in through my groin my brain was much my brain was very irritated though from the blood that clot that was in it. So it the best way I can describe it is like I had a really bad concussion for months. I was nauseous I had no appetite and um I was I struggled to eat because of that. I was my body was weak because of um the stroke and and and so while I was perfectly capable of walking in the beginning I wasn't supposed to walk without like someone with me I really for about a week. And um I so I so my daily activities were whatever I felt like. I mean it wasn't much and I would try to do some walking around the neighborhood and uh and and it was basically I saw it as my job is to get better. My job is to take care of myself now. Like that was all that I had to do.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 26:07

And um and so that was important to me. I felt like I need to take care of myself I need to take care of my body I need to take care of um uh of the things in my life that are gonna help me to be well and so I said about that every day and even though most days that was very little um doing that every day day in and day out and building on what I I had already done and adding on to that layering on in all the different areas which would be like um so so during that time so I as I started to improve I came up with this concept for myself that I like to call minimum daily fitness as an example of of a uh specific tool. So my minimum daily fitness in the beginning was something like um I think it was like some stretching of my legs and uh um and eventually I don't remember exactly how it started but eventually I remember that I got to doing twenty pushups each day which isn't a lot. And at the first I didn't do twenty well I didn't do twenty in a row. Right the idea wasn't to do twenty in a row and twenty perfect push-ups it was just to do tw I could do twenty knee pushups it didn't I love this formula though it's the minimum so that's what you call it minimum daily fitness is the was the concept that I came up with I have to give things names and structure because it makes it more tangible and implementable. So um minimum daily fitness was what is the minimum amount of fitness that I need to do every day so that I feel like so I feel good about what I did. Right? And then I could do more because then I'll feel better. But like you know a day can get by real quick when you don't do any of the your planned exercise and cause true because right I mean I don't love exercise I know that I know that about you but you're so good at it. I'm very good at it because because when I say I'm gonna do something I'm gonna do it. Right?

SPEAKER_02 28:01

But you also have found things that you really enjoy like you you play basketball.

SPEAKER_04 28:06

Not anymore.

SPEAKER_02 28:06

And you're you are you running still? Yes are you skiing I mean you're skiing.

SPEAKER_04 28:10

Yeah and I do snow skiing and I like golf right but but but that's not the exercise that's gonna help give me the healthy longevity that I'm looking for and the caring for my body. I can't just get my exercise through sports. I need to be more intentional jogging does it but I also need to be doing weightlifting I feel like strength training strength training strength training of any variety and um and and so the the thing about like if I'm so I don't particularly love it. So it's hard for me to motivate to uh Laura's Laura Laura likes to tease me quit stalling and go go to go to the gym or go for your run or whatever because I'm stalling as uh it takes me a a while to get going. But it but I I I go and I do it and when I'm done I feel great about it. I feel great about it and my body feels better and as my body feels better my mind feels better. And so my recipe for resilience has always been it's kind of like a fake it till you make it like just if I take the action steps that I know help me feel better then I'll feel better. What are you doing? Instead of instead of well I know those are instead of feeling better in order to take the action steps.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

Do you see it say that again and look into that camera. Oh say that again that is so important what you just said.

SPEAKER_04 29:23

Right so I'll I'll try to say it again. Okay. Um I was I was saying how I I try to I guess I I would say it like this I try to act my way into better feeling instead of feeling better in order to act better or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 29:42

And I suggest maybe they just take a walk five minutes. Right. Right? Like I feel like that but they're like no I have to feel better in order to do that in order to do the walking but I say no that's not what's it's not going to be five minute walk and that for I think for I think really for yeah for humans. Yeah. In most cases yes. I mean obviously if we're talking about like if you have a uh if you're recovering from back surgery like don't that like that's different but I'm talking about this.

SPEAKER_04 30:12

So this concept of minimum daily fitness is my was my sort of concept for satisfying the part of my mind that always says I'm not doing enough right because you know we're always hard on ourselves at least I know I am what do you do with your your critical voice andrew um I don't know that's an interesting question. I never thought about that.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

We need to talk about that okay I mean we don't have to do it right now. Okay I never thought about it but sounds like a deep question yeah I think we need to talk about that critical voice and where it's coming from but more importantly what you're gonna do with it. Everybody has it everybody has it but but do you just let it control or do you take control you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 30:55

Oh I see I think I understand. Um I I do what I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

I'm not even sure what I'm not even sure your question yeah I'm not sure okay so I would say that all human beings have a critical voice and it m typically comes from our childhood.

SPEAKER_05 31:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:11

And you know either how we're being treated or how we see you know I get it's being a bit of a one that like I was just saying like not doing enough or not right and I tend to know your background so I have an idea of where your critical voice has come from. Do you understand what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 31:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:28

So that doesn't feel good right and so that's actually your inner child like your younger self showing up and so as you as the adult self you want to reparent that part of you. Does that make sense? Yeah right because that inner critic you know can take us on a trajectory that's not what's best for us. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_04 31:53

Yeah it does okay it does I love it yeah I love it. So that inner critic um is is more quiet when I've done the when you check it all daily fitness right so it's as much of a psychological tool as it is a fitness you're the psychologist so I created that coping mechanism so that I would feel good about having done at least that little bit.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

Because you were keeping the critical voice quiet. Yes that was your way of keeping him quiet.

SPEAKER_05 32:23

Right.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

But I think even though you know ways to keep him quiet I think it is really important to address that feeling you know that comes up.

SPEAKER_05 32:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

But we could talk about that another time and you can do whatever you want sounds you can do whatever you want Andrew no pressure. It's just when you said that I was like wait a minute we need to talk about that you're amazing. You're amazing and and I know everybody has a critical voice but it kind of like upset me when I heard that. Doesn't everybody have a critical voice yes but some people yes yes I believe everybody does and like it's I mean I've had a critical voice but I've learned how to have compassion for that part of me.

SPEAKER_04 33:05

Oh yeah yeah yeah and having a critical voice doesn't mean having a critical voice all the time.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

Oh of course there's some of the time of course that's what I'm saying right it gets triggered so it's not like the only voice right no of course but um so I what what was I just saying so I've had a critical voice but I I've learned how to give myself compassion and I give myself grace like if I was you and I couldn't get to that minimum daily fitness plan every day right now because of what you know happens in my life I would say you know what I did my best today I'm giving myself grace and I'm not gonna beat myself up.

SPEAKER_04 33:41

I definitely had those days you know what I mean right we don't we don't always do do 100%.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

Right.

SPEAKER_04 33:47

Right but but it's a good place to start. It is and so that concept came out of my recovery and um and uh uh that was super helpful and yeah I had so much support from my friends family and community and so many communities and your patients right yes I have boxes of letters still to this day that I've kept and uh I I'm I've been through it once I'm gonna go through it again not too distant future that's on the list of things I do that too why what what you do that do what you go through and you read the letters again the cards I will I'm I'm going to I do that sometimes I haven't done that yet I haven't done it in a really really really long time yeah but you can imagine I also have a box of cards and also the Facebook comments like did you print them out?

SPEAKER_02 34:40

No but I just go back.

SPEAKER_04 34:41

Oh you could go back in Facebook and see them all.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

I go back and I haven't done it in years but I re because I don't remember just so much that has happened. You know people come up to me and they're like I was at the funeral it was so beautiful I'm like you were there? Oh my gosh I can't believe you were there I had I had no idea I mean and I like to hear about it. I I still to this day it's been almost four years and I'll say to some of my friends like can you remind me again how you found out or like who told you we talk about Adam like every week at Both yeah his name comes up all the time that makes me so happy I know I've told you this before I want you to know it continues. I know I know and this is the sweetest thing ever I think I've told you this and you may have done this or maybe not I have no idea but sometimes I go there to the cemetery and there's a poker chip on on yeah and I know I know Rob has done that um I think maybe he's also visiting other family members I don't know I'm not really sure it doesn't matter but it's so beautiful that you think it's Rob? No I know I know Rob's done it.

SPEAKER_04 35:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

I know Rob's done it we've talked about it.

SPEAKER_04 35:51

It's Rob.

SPEAKER_02 35:52

Yeah it is Rob.

SPEAKER_04 35:52

Okay I was just wanted to Oh you didn't know no I did know okay yeah it is Rob. I was trying to make sure you knew you said I think it's Rob or something like that.

SPEAKER_02 36:00

Anyway it's Rob told us every time Because it's sometimes it's like a different chip.

SPEAKER_04 36:06

Probably Rob.

SPEAKER_02 36:07

Yeah I don't know I don't know though if it's every time of course right right so anyway yes it's important to take those actionable steps even if it's the babyest of steps to help us to feel better. And so what does this journey look like for you? Because the way from where I'm looking you know from where I'm sitting I see you on sort of like this spiritual journey now. And I feel like I've known so many different iterations of Andrew Reese. I really like this one by the way thank you um you know like the deadhead I mean you were so not a deadhead before you were so not a deadhead I wasn't until Laura's 40th when I took her to one of the uh not dead and company yet but one of the Grateful Dead bands that was playing in Madison Square Garden near her 40th birthday and we went up and saw and then I became a deadhead. Right like you're so like hippie now Andrew I love it. Thanks. Do you agree? Yes like that whole vibe of yours has changed yeah yeah I love it. Um and we've you know like danced out at the Grateful Dead concerts dep Dead and company concerts right and um it's really some good times. I do hope they perform again one day but I really have no idea. I know I don't think they will I don't know I saw Goose the other night.

SPEAKER_04 37:28

How was that very great that was my first concert and now I am a goose fan. I was I was I was um I was almost gonna go my friend Rachel not Rachel Tiffany my friend Tiffany asked me you know Tiffany right Tiffany and didn't I would be surprised if she weren't there she had tickets we were gonna go together but then she couldn't go oh she couldn't go and then I was like you know but that would have been my first goose concert uh yeah but I like them I loved it it was great yeah yeah I had such a great time yeah yeah they have a it was a Grateful Dead kind of a crowd and it was a really fantastic concert they they brought it it was I I wish I would have gone now but whatever next time so the I have like three topics that I want to cover with you.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

Number one, I want you to talk about you know this kind of spiritual journey this journey that you've been on you know you clearly have said I mean I don't know if you've actually said it to me but I believe that you're living your life like you just can't wait. I want to do this I want to do this I you know nobody ever knows what's gonna happen. And I want to ask you you know you are a pediatrician I you I know you're retired um but you're still a pediatrician like you can't take the pediatrician out of the guy. Thank you. And I know that so many families love you love you love you and feel like you have just taken care of their kids and gotten them to 18 and you know what I mean? So I know a lot of people really admire you. And I would love for you to and you can do this in any order. Okay. If you even remember my other questions you might have to remind me I want you to just talk about you know it life is so hard right now for everybody but especially like the the the rise in mental health and teenagers and suicide and anxiety amongst kids and the bad things that are happening the shootings the everything what would you say as a pediatrician as somebody who has raised three amazing kids and as somebody who has lived through something horrific and is living the way he's living now is really quite impressive right it's it's so powerful. So I would love to know if you could sum it up you know like in a paragraph how would you what what kind of advice would you give to parents to raise resilient children.

SPEAKER_04 39:57

I see.

SPEAKER_02 39:59

I know that's a big one.

SPEAKER_04 40:01

Right well right there's no magic bullet here. I know there's not I know there's no like uh secret that we're like keeping from people but there are some important things that people can be doing. Right. Well I think it starts with if you well you if the question you're asking is what what what do parents want to know about how to raise resilient children.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

Basically I said it the long way I think that's what you wanted to know.

SPEAKER_04 40:27

Okay so what I would say is it starts with modeling right and modeling resiliency starts with taking care of oneself yes it does. And so um you know while it seems as a parent and there are times when this is true we all know it that we have to put our kids ahead of ourselves right and so that's always gonna come into play some of the time it can't be in play all of the time and otherwise we're not resilient and then they don't learn the resiliency. So it starts right with oneself and um and that's hard and that's not something that we really have time to talk about when I'm doing my pediatric visits. Right? Those are those are quick and targeted more towards well that's why I wanted to kind of have you talk about it here you know a little bit. Thanks. And um and then it's it's I think it's part of it is just recognizing that life is work. Right? Like it's not easy to take really good care of ourselves is it no it's hard. I think it's I think it's a lot of work and it's hard and the more I practice it the easier it gets that is true.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

I agree with that.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

And uh and then and then having routines and structures in my life. So that there's some predictability which creates safety making up random rules. Right. Like minimum daily fitness it's it's a silly little thing but it's really effective.

SPEAKER_02 41:53

That does help build resilience. Like you're a living proof of that.

SPEAKER_04 41:57

Right. And then and then and then and then the other piece um is just like adjusting to feedback like trying to be mindful and aware and open and willing and then open and willing and it's not always and all each of those is a different step. I agree. All of those pieces and it's and it's and it's and I've I've stumbled along the way this is not an easy thing to navigate. And uh and I've been fortunate such a good job. Thank you. I've I've been fortunate to have a lot of uh uh kind compassionate people in my life and uh family and friends who who uh are there for me throughout the whole experience of my recovery but you guys created that yeah you realize that right of course because of who you are thank you and I I I'm gonna say the same thing you know so I've talked about this before I'm sure on the podcast but like my my like first ones that I can think of off the top of my head that have helped me to be resilient through this process because I'm very aware that this could have looked very different.

SPEAKER_02 43:00

And I'm very aware it could have looked very different for you too. And I'm very aware that we have both done things intentionally to be resilient so that we could be more on the thriving side than on the surviving side.

SPEAKER_04 43:13

Right.

SPEAKER_02 43:14

You know what I mean? And for me it's been surrounding myself with community and my good friends.

SPEAKER_04 43:20

You have a great community I'm happy I'm happy to be part of it. No I'm happy to be a part of it. I think our community is wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

It's so wonderful and we've cultivated that and and I think I cultivated that and I was able to cultivate that it's was because number one I was willing to be vulnerable and I was willing to ask for help and just being real like with people you know and if I I just I was saying this to you before we started rolling which was You know, and I I'm sure you know people like this too. There are so many people in this world going through so many hard things and so many people in the world think they need to do it alone or that they never are gonna get past whatever it is. And I'm just here to say it's possible. I feel like anything is possible.

SPEAKER_04 44:21

Well, and and I like I like how you bring that up because doing anything that we're doing with others is always better, right? The more the merrier is something that's connection is so important. Connection is what it's all about.

SPEAKER_02 44:32

It's that's all it's about. That's what it's become all about for me.

SPEAKER_04 44:36

It's all about connection.

SPEAKER_02 44:38

It's so powerful, it's really powerful. At first, I was really feeling it like at a visceral level. I it was like, oh my gosh, this is just so big in my body. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 44:50

I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 44:51

I I don't even know if I could explain it because I had never really felt that before.

SPEAKER_04 44:56

The connection.

SPEAKER_02 44:56

Yeah, I mean, I've had close friends, but I never allowed myself to be vulnerable like that before. You know, growing up, there was no no no vulnerability, there was no feelings right.

SPEAKER_04 45:09

That wasn't talked about in our family.

SPEAKER_02 45:11

And it was not allowed at all. And so, and when I was vulnerable in terms of like, you know, showing an expression, I was kind of shamed for it.

SPEAKER_04 45:22

Like told toughen up.

SPEAKER_02 45:23

Yeah, or you're such a baby, or like why are you being so sensitive or you're so difficult? Like, why do you always have to talk about something? You know?

SPEAKER_06 45:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

I wasn't being too much, they just couldn't handle it. Yeah. Because and and we know, and I'm sure you know this, you know, people who don't do emotions are not comfortable with your emotions. So they will try to get you to stop.

SPEAKER_04 45:45

Right.

SPEAKER_02 45:46

Like you're being so sensitive. You're not being sensitive, they just are uncomfortable with emotions.

SPEAKER_04 45:52

Right. Let's just talk about it instead of like, let's not talk about it, then let's just talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

Right, no, but it makes people really uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. If they're not criers, if they don't do feelings and somebody comes to them and they're crying, it like they don't know what to do with that.

SPEAKER_04 46:08

Yeah, I can see how that's very uncomfortable. I got practiced at that at work.

SPEAKER_02 46:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:13

It wasn't uncommon to have right.

SPEAKER_02 46:14

Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure.

SPEAKER_04 46:16

A lot of emotions.

SPEAKER_02 46:18

You know, I just think that, you know, I think in terms of of like our nervous system, right? And when we deal with something that is so big, it is really taxing our nervous system, right? Whether it's going through a stroke, losing a spouse, whatever it is, right? It can be different for for anybody. Lots of different things. And I just think that when our when our nervous systems are so taxed, we need to combat that with very specific intentional things to calm the nervous system and try to rewire it and say, it's safe. We're safe. I'm okay now. Like I made it through this surgery, or I managed to get through the last, you know, few years or whatever. So we have to like teach our nervous system that it's safe. And by doing that, we have to be mindful of our breathing and we have to, I think exercise is really important, and I think nature is really important. And I think like walking in nature, my dogs walking in nature, when I can do those three things at the same time, it's so calming to my nervous system. And it's not like one day, it like we constantly have to, you know, or it gets tired. So we have to do things to uh refuel and let let our our our amygdala know that we're safe. We're safe every day.

SPEAKER_04 47:36

Yeah, as much as possible. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the more that we do that on a daily basis, the more the sort of trauma lessens.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

You know, yes, of course. And I want to say this in terms of what to say to parents to help build resilient children. I think it goes back to what I was just saying a minute ago, is first of all being able to openly communicate, teaching your children that it's safe to come to you, and that if you if the kids do have feelings, they're safe. Yes, right? And then that's how resilience is built because you know, we're gonna get through this together, you know, and making the it's it's really this is I completely agree. I completely agree. And this is totally evidence-based. It's we suffer more as a human being from the response that we get after a tragic experience rather than this tragic experience.

SPEAKER_04 48:35

Yeah, I can imagine. I can imagine that.

SPEAKER_02 48:37

You know, like for example, if somebody, if a child is molested and they go to their parents and they say, Uncle Bob did this, and they're like, that is not true. Right. And we're gonna still invite them to the Christmas party, that is more traumatic than the actual abuse.

SPEAKER_04 48:54

I I see that.

SPEAKER_02 48:55

So I think that's a very important message for for parents.

SPEAKER_04 48:59

I agree. And I think the way to frame that for parents is to um allow the emotions. Yes. Right? Validate the emotion. And this is one of the um things I like to talk about work because it is a nice little sound bite. Um when when kids are expressing their emotions, I think that the first thing they need is validation. And then after validating the emotion, then we can move into behavior modification.

SPEAKER_01 49:27

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 49:28

Um and it's such an important concept because we jump to behavior modification. Don't do that. You can't do that. Don't act that way, don't say that, don't throw that. Sometimes you have to, like emergency.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

Right.

SPEAKER_04 49:40

If they're gonna like walk into the street, or they're gonna color, they're gonna color on your newly painted walls, right? Like, yeah, that would be a good thing. Right, I mean there's some stuff, right? And then and then none of us are perfect, and we're getting it wrong some of the time. Right? And so that's kind of part of the process is learning from our own mistakes and being too and being mindful, like, oh, I don't like how I showed up in that one. Right. Maybe I need to apologize to my child, right? Right? Even if you know at some age and in some appropriate context. Usually that doesn't happen, but like sometimes w even though they were wrong in what they did, our response to it was also wrong. I and not best I'm so glad you said that to get to the right goal. Right and recognizing that that there that that made it worse, not better, is such a big opportunity to like not do it again. And those situations come up a lot. But it goes back to the whole we have to be our best person and just be willing to be open-minded about like how am I being and am I and is this working? Right, and what is the other ways? And but validating people's feelings is such an important way of just being with people.

SPEAKER_01 50:51

So they feel seen.

SPEAKER_04 50:52

Yeah, I mean that's how that's how I think that's how we are with our friends.

SPEAKER_02 50:56

That's that's a human condition that is like we need to be seen in order to feel safe. And we need to feel safe in order to feel resilient. I love that.

SPEAKER_04 51:07

That was good.

SPEAKER_02 51:08

I love that. Will you talk a little bit about your spiritual journey? You like just hiked a mountain and all of that?

SPEAKER_04 51:15

Uh sure, sure, sure. So um that was a big that was a big question. I know that was a big jump. Yeah, so you I hiked, so let me let me let me give some more details because the hiking in the mountain was I went in the beginning of March to the Dominican Republic and I met up with some friends I had made there, a couple of uh men who one of whom is a guide and had put together a group of m friends um to climb Pico Duarte. Pico Duarte is the tallest mountain in the Caribbean on in the Dominican Republic, and it um it's named after the founder of the Republic of the Dominican, the Dominican Republic. And uh his name was Juan Pablo Duarte. And uh they they named the mountain after him, and it's a it's a particular national pride there to make this journey. And they were making it, and I and I got to and I got invited, so I got to participate to climb to the top of this mountain, and it was really hard. It was 14 miles to the top.

SPEAKER_02 52:20

But really steep, right?

SPEAKER_04 52:21

And really right, 14 miles isn't that hard. We we had a day. Right, 14 miles is not hard. It's this especially here in Florida, right? Yeah, it was very it was a big climb. We went from like I think we started around 2,500 or no, 3,000 feet of elevation, and it rose to a little over 10,000 feet of elevation. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 52:36

And uh did you take altitude?

SPEAKER_04 52:38

No, I didn't need it. I do I do go with the altitude, I don't seem to be affected. Um and and so doing that was a particular challenge, and I knew I was doing like a physical challenge and a mental challenge, and um and one of but I also felt like there was a part of the journey was getting to the top of the mountain. I was going to have some kind of a revelation, right? And um um although there was no like revelation in the moment of being at the top of the mountain, that was just a beautiful place to be with my now all of my friends that I was with on the group, and um, and to see an amazing, an amazing vista of the whole um Cor uh Cordilleros Central, the the central mountains of the Dominican Republic. Um and there's a statue at the top, and we took and we got up there for sunrise. So um it was it was challenging. I saw those pictures and uh and very rewarding. And then afterwards came the realization, and the realization was this, um, and this is what I really got out of it. Uh did I share with you what I wrote up about it? I wrote something.

SPEAKER_02 53:44

Anyway, you share that you were writing.

SPEAKER_04 53:46

Yeah, I don't think you were done. I I I'll share with you later. I finished. So I wrote about this, um, this whole journey. And um and this was really what I I uh I w I I came to discover about myself was that there was a part of me that was still attached to the identity of being this general, this Dr. Reese that you referred to me as. And as you said that in the introduction, I was like, yeah, I'm not really that guy anymore. I liked that. I like that I was that guy.

SPEAKER_02 54:14

Did I say that? Did I say Dr. Andrew Reese or did I say Andrew Reese?

SPEAKER_04 54:20

You were talking in the beginning about how I was a the Dr. Reese to the community. Oh yes, yes, and and I and I was, and I and I like to still be that person um um for the people that I that I know, like your family. This is how we were talking about it. And um um and what I realized on the top after going to the top of the mountain was that although that is something that I really loved and was very meaningful and I took very seriously, and I and I and I feel like I did it well, right? And I and I and I I was very much rewarded by it, and it was something that I enjoyed. And um and now two years have passed, and I realize now that that's not who I am anymore. I'm not providing the other.

SPEAKER_02 55:02

Oh, two yeah, right, two years since you retired, right?

SPEAKER_04 55:04

Yeah, uh I'm not I'm not in that role anymore. And so that's not so that was a part of my identity. I just need to drop and live in this other pediatric identity, which includes I just came from Caridad Center, that's why you have me in Scrubs here, where I volunteer um to take care of children.

SPEAKER_02 55:21

What is that? Can you talk about that?

SPEAKER_04 55:22

Caridad is an excellent place.

SPEAKER_02 55:25

I mean, talk about it.

SPEAKER_04 55:26

They provide they provide um f uh uh health care including all of like internal medicine, cardiology, dermatology, ophthalmology, optometry, and a huge dentistry practice um to people who don't have insurance. And um it's a huge need in our community. There's a lot of people without health insurance and don't know where to go. And I volunteered there in the pediatric part of it. Um and they provide uh education and counseling and all kinds of additional services to the clients who come there.

SPEAKER_02 55:58

I you said it with like more of an accent. I don't think I like was hearing what you said. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:03

Oh, okay. Uh well it's in Boynton Beach and um um it's right next to the soup kitchen, which provides uh free food to people who are uh who don't have access to to good food. So really wonderful organizations, and um they deserve any support you can give them. Kari Dodd Center, look them up. Um so other pediatric things I'm doing is I was always uh I was gonna ask I was always a clinical affiliate professor at FAU School of Medicine, and I enjoyed having the third year med students to my office. So I switched that and now I'm um helping to teach the first and second years in uh medical students in the foundations of medicine, things like physical exam skills, history taking skills, um, and uh I enjoy that. I enjoy that a lot. I also continue to round in the nursery at West Boca and Boca Regional. And I really like seeing the babies and being in the hospital environment. Um, and I also travel internationally.

SPEAKER_02 56:58

Yeah, I want to talk about that.

SPEAKER_04 57:00

Um and I've done some trips uh to set up a clinic in the Dominican Republic twice. Uh that was uh that was on my own. And then I did one trip with International Medical Relief, um, which is an organization that I admire a lot. They go to 90 countries and they bring volunteers, both medical and non-medical, to experience anywhere from a three to like a six-day trip to countries all over the world and pro be of service, but also be able to experience these cultures and these places. Um, and I'm looking forward to traveling with you guys.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I don't know if you know this, Andrew, but I told Laura since you guys started doing this, the minute that Jolie graduates high school, I'm gonna be going on a trip with you. And she graduates in May, and I'm going with you in June, which I know you know. But um, I'm so excited. But I was with Jamie last night, Jamie L, and she went on and on and on about you. Really? And because we were talking about we were it's called it's uh through a program called Karita Smiles, and you probably could talk about it more because I have to be my first time.

SPEAKER_04 58:07

Yeah, Karita Smile. Um and if you're interested, I think there might still be people uh the spots available is is uh an org uh is uh a nonprofit foundation that brings service uh related vacation and adventure trips to the Dominican Republic. So this isn't just a service trip. This is a service, learn about the Dominican culture, experience the Dominican culture, and see some Dominican things.

SPEAKER_02 58:32

Um and it's it's very much to treat the kids and the adults.

SPEAKER_04 58:36

Well, so my my role in it was to set up a little medical clinic. Um and uh you know I bring blood pressure cuff and glucometer and um medications and uh and my of course my stethoscope and my photoscope and all the things that I need as best as I can to practice. Um and we set up like tables and chairs and and I have to deputize somebody as my nurse and explain how are we gonna run the clinic. Okay, we'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 59:06

Do you know you don't know this? When I was after I when I when did I do this? I think this was before grad school. I worked in Miami Children's Hospital in the bone marrow transplant unit.

SPEAKER_04 59:19

Oh, cool. What'd you do there?

SPEAKER_02 59:20

Do you know that my one regret in life? I have one regret is that I didn't go to medical school.

SPEAKER_04 59:25

Oh wow, I did not know that.

SPEAKER_02 59:27

It was because uh when it when it was the time, I was having a horrible flare-up with Crohn's. Oh, really? And there was just no way. There was no way I could do it. And I've actually considered and I've told the girls this, you know, I am still thinking about maybe going and getting a doctorate. Not for work purposes, just just yeah. Okay, cool. Just because I'm like a lifelong learner and I'm I love to learn, and I I think it would have something to do with maybe the brain and human behavior, and I'm just so fascinated. Like the way people have shown up for me after after Adam's death, and listen, I know where it comes from. Like, I understand where trauma comes from, I understand where people's behaviors come from. It's not that, but sometimes I'm like, okay, I understand where that comes from, but I just still can't believe like some people like showed up amazing, and some people like it was like interesting, and I'm like, but but I don't I give everybody grace, like some people are really uncomfortable with this topic, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:27

Yeah, this can be hard. This can be very hard. Yeah, people don't like when I sometimes when I bring up Adam's name, people I see it. They aren't they're they they're they want to be comfortable, yeah. They want it to be okay, but I can sort of feel sense the discomfort when his name is mentioned at times amongst people.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:44

I'm just very like you don't know this. I I am a reader, but I don't read fiction. I read like books about the brain and the nervous system and about trauma and how it affects like the cellular level, like but deep, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:58

That's cool. I like that stuff.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:59

Yeah, I'm very interested. So I feel like it would be something in that realm, but I don't know. You know, I really want to travel. That's you know, and I I I I have three kids, I want to be with my kids, and I know it would be a really a lot of work, but we'll see. Let I have to wait until Julie goes to college, and then we will see kind of where I land, you know, or you're gonna love you're gonna love this trip. I know, I can't wait. But Jamie was going on and on about you. If you just wait, just wait, just wait until you see how these kids and Andrew and how they interact with each other, and then when he dresses up as Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:33

I got to be Santa Claus twice.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:35

And like I've seen you, and I've seen you with my own kids, but like I I am excited just to be with the kids, and it's gonna be wonderful. Anyway, I think we're like so almost well, we're we're probably like way over because she started that late. She needs her the clock late. Uh the clock late, but I want to ask you one last question. Okay. What do you think? Okay, let me start over. You know, Adam passed away, my kids lost their dad. It was hor horrific, horrific. I mean, that's just not something that you want to happen. But there have been some silver linings, right? And I can't ignore them. I just can't. It does not change or take away from how horrific that was. Both things can be true. You know, I've experienced so much duality in the last few years. You have to find the silver linings. Thank you. You have to find out. I would like to know what if you want to share maybe just one or two, you know?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:26

Oh, sure. Uh well, since the stroke, one of the one of the things that occurred is is I I was a like a raw nerve for a while. And uh I was I was difficult. It was difficult. I was difficult to be around, apparently. Didn't seem like it to me, but apparently I was.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:43

You were the one that just said we have to be able to take feedback.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:46

So right, that's what I meant. But so I I I uh uh um I was able to get through that and settled down, and I think you know it was I was brain injured. So I don't know everything about it, but I settled down and things got better, and I'm much more calm and relaxed, and I feel great now. But I also am more emotional than I ever was before the stroke, and I like that. I like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:10

Um and you're so good with your kids.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:14

Thanks. I have a great relationship with all of them.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:17

You're such a good dad. Look, everybody has their moments. I'm not trying to say like you're perfect because I don't want anybody to think anybody is perfect and that they need to be perfect, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:28

Like I'm I Well, I apologize to my kids sometimes. But I for my apologize to my kids too. Right, like I'm not perfect.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:33

And I think it's a really important thing to do, to teach them that we're not perfect, they don't need to be perfect. Anyway, there was a point to what I was saying, is that I love the way, and you've actually offered to do this with my kids, and I'm sure you've done it with other kids. You're so good at like teaching them, like and you sit down and you talk to them about like you teach them about money, or they you teach them about and like you sit down and you have like dad-child conversations with them. Yeah. Does that make sense? I just said that in a very roundabout way.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:09

What you're talking about is teaching independent skills, independency skills.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:12

But you do it with such intention, that's my point.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:14

Right. Like there are some things that if you if you know this or that, things will go easier for you. Right. Right? If you know how to do this and this and this, things will go easier for you. You can manage your life. Don't I think not everybody feels this way, but I think everybody should feel like I want to be able to be not necessarily be in. Right, like somebody who's in a dependent situation, there's pluses and minuses, right? That's that's that's and all children are dependent.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:41

Of course.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:42

And so the growing up time is becoming independent.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:47

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:47

Right? So in that time of becoming independent, which is a different time frame for every kid, our role as I see it as a parent is to help them to become their independent selves.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:00

You it I okay, this is a much better way to say it is you do it with such intention. You do.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:08

Thank you. Yeah. Yes, I think that's just so important as a parent.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:11

That's your goal. And you do it, and it's not always easy. And you do it. I love it. Thank you. I love it. Thank you. I love you, Andrew. Thanks, Joe. This is great. You're amazing.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:20

It's always good to sit down and talk to you.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:22

This was best. Thank you guys. Thank you, everyone. Thanks for listening. And remember, folks, the present moment project is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only. The views and opinions shared by the host and guests are their own and do not constitute medical, legal, or professional advice. Please consult a qualified healthcare professional before making any medical or wellness decisions. This podcast is not a substitute for professional care, no matter how wise we may sound in this present moment.