Ashleigh Berry: How to Build Confidence, Resilience & Stop Being So Hard on Yourself

Laura and Emma sit down with Ash for an open, grounded conversation about what it really takes to feel good in yourself and the day to day reality of building confidence even when life feels a bit messy. 

In this episode you'll learn:

• How to stop chasing external validation and start finding it within yourself
• Why your 80% on a hard day is always going to be enough
• Practical tools to manage self-doubt and imposter syndrome without toxic positivity
• How to use journaling or voice notes to track your own growth and actually see how far you've come
• The difference between real resilience and just pushing through 
• How to receive criticism without letting it throw you off 
• Why saying no, setting boundaries and asking for what you want is the foundation of self-respect

This episode is for anyone who gives everything to everyone and feels like they're running on empty. Whether you're navigating a big life change, working on your confidence, or just want to feel a bit more like yourself again, this is a great conversation to relate to. 

Share it with a friend who needs a reminder that she is doing better than she thinks.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Hello and welcome back to the Andyflame Unfiltered podcast. Today we have a very special guest, the lovely Ashley Ferry. You might know her from Love is Blind, but she's also amazing on Instagram for all her videos on confidence and positive thinking. She is a very positive person and her energy is very contagious. So hopefully, by the end of this episode, you go with a little spring in your step. How are you, Ash?

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Hi everyone. Oh, thank you so much, Emma and Laura, for having me on the pods. Feel honoured to be in your space today.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

How are you feeling? How's your Saturday morning been?

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Oh, it's been great. I've started my Saturday morning off with a cheeky gym class. Um, wasn't feeling like I wanted to do it, to be honest, because I went out yesterday and had a few drinks with friends, and I thought I really could have done with a lion, but I was up early anyway, and actually, when I knew I was coming on the pod, it was just a great way to start the day to kind of clear my head, get my focus going, and exercise does that for me. So um, yeah, did that, and now I'm here with you girlies.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

Love it. So, do you want to tell us a little bit more about your background and your story? We'd love to hear it.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Yeah, I mean, I don't know really where to start. Um, my journey on Love is Blind started officially a couple of years ago when it was filmed. I um ended up going on the show through a kind of um interesting way. My best friend at the time, well, still best friend, but she got approached um to go on the show via Instagram, and uh she actually was with someone, so she said, Look, I can't I can't sign up. I'm I'm happily in love. And they said, Oh, well, actually, have you got any friends that maybe would do this show? And so that's how that kind of happened. She reached out to me and was like, You're crazy enough to go on a show like that. Why don't you give it a go and apply? And um, I'd been so unlucky in love to the point where, you know, I've been single for like coming up four and a bit years. I'd had the odd fling, but it wasn't like a healthy fling. Um, and I knew that they weren't the right person for me, and I just wasn't in the place to kind of give that a go. Um, and I was quite intrigued that this experiment was around meaningful connections rather than meeting someone who you physically are attracted to initially, and then building that uh meaningful. This was the complete opposite way round, and I was intrigued by that because I think in the past my relationship history has been mainly driven by the job that I do. I work for a long haul airline as a flight manager, and I'm a confident person on the outside, um, and people kind of are drawn to that energy and that charisma and that lifestyle that I offered them, and never really gave me a chance as Ashley, but behind that layer. So this experiment forced that to happen, if you like. The experiment was great because you're behind a wall and you get deep with that person really quickly. You ask all those questions that you probably don't think about asking till you're kind of a few months into that relationship. You have them on your second date. You're asking things like, what's your biggest fear? You know, um, what does finances look like in a marriage to you? What does marriage life look like to you? What would you expect that to kind of play out like? Um, what do you see us doing in five years? So all those big taboo questions, which sometimes I think as females, maybe we're, or even as males, we can hold back from. Maybe we're fearful of finding the answer out or fearful of just going that layer deeper initially, um, because we might be scared that someone's going to find that unattractive, um, is is something that I faced in my past dating life. So this experiment was was great for like breaking all those boundaries and actually gave me so much confidence in my own voice and actually finding the power of my voice because I for so long in relationships where was a bit of a people pleaser, would just say yes, and and also with friends, I'd say, because I just kind of wanted to please and make everyone else around me happy, and I felt that that would then make me happy, which is totally how I kind of have now changed that mindset from coming on off the show. I've learned that I actually need to prioritize me and tell someone what I want, and then you're gonna get the best out of that person and myself. So that's how I kind of ended up on it a little bit about what I've learned. Um, but it was a truly magical experience, and despite it not working out, I can still look back on it and have no regrets.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

It sounds like it almost did work out because of how like you're speaking about it and what you've learned. Like it didn't necessarily work out in the way you wanted it to, but it's obviously really changed your life.

SPEAKER_00 4:57

You're so right, Laura. And I I guess something I've been thinking about recently is Women's International Day is coming up on the 8th of March, and that kind of theme this year is to give to gain. And when I think back to my love of love is blind experience, I think I gave in that experience to gain a husband, to gain a life partner. That's what I thought I was gonna gain. But actually, what I gained was far more than that, and it was surprising that I gained that self-confidence, that communication style that I now have, the self-love I have for myself. Um, you know, just being able to be comfortable in my own space as well. And so I think that motto is really important this year to talk about that although we give and we think we want that gain out of something, it's okay if you don't get what you expected. Actually, the unexpected is is perfect, and that's who you're becoming. So that's who I've become from from giving and gaining something, yeah. Completely that took me by surprise, but was so positive.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

That's like that saying, uh, shoot for the moon, because you're you might end up it with the stars, right? It's like actually, if you go to get something, you might not end up with that, but you'll end up with something like that you didn't maybe didn't even know that you needed at that time. And I think with dating, specifically, I think nowadays as well, there's a lot, there's a lot of trauma around dating, right? And it sounds like we've had very, very similar experiences, and you I feel like you have to shed and you have to let go of so many things in order to find someone, show up as who you truly are, and find someone that is gonna then be able to, you know, give you the love that you want and deserve as well.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Yeah, I totally hear you. I think shedding is so important, and I don't think we'll ever stop shedding, and sometimes we'll shed more than others, and sometimes that shedding will be slower, but you're still making progress if you're staying true to who you are. And I think the power or the of authenticity was something that I really stand by, and the show highlighted that. I was really happy with the edit because the edit was me, and some people have contacted me after. Well, I've had a lot of comments saying, like, I'm just like flattered, and I'm like inspired by how genuine you are on this television show. You know, you haven't gone on for confrontation, you haven't gone on for the the clout of being famous, you've you've come on for a real genuine purpose to find love, and actually I found that in myself, and I think a lot of younger girls have reached out, even you know, me matura women have reached out and just said thank you for for being that light to us and showing us that there are so many good people in the world that want good things. Um, it's just about staying focused on who you are and not comparing yourself on social media and getting swept away with pleasing others, actually just taking time for you. Um, I think something also I learned was that the five love languages, I never really took much interest in them uh until the show, and I started to delve deep into those. And my love language I'd say is time. And I think because I'm always flying with my job, I don't have a lot of time. So when I invest time in someone else, it's really precious to me, and I want the same back. And I think I've always been looking for that in someone to give, you know, I want their time, so I would always people please to get that. Actually, this whole experiment reversed that, and now I realise that I can give myself time, I'm powerful enough to do that, I'm in control of my self-love, I don't need to go and look for it because when you've given that to yourself, oh my god, you are just magnetic, and the energy and the people that come and are attracted to you in a relationship, but just generally as well in your life, it's just the right people you're attracting because yeah, your your self-love is like radiating. It's taken me so long to figure that out, though. I'll be honest, and I'm 31 now, and I'm still figuring it out. Nothing, no one's perfect, and I'm certainly not, but I definitely feel so much more grounded and level-headed, and I have so much self-respect for myself now.

SPEAKER_01 9:29

Nice, nice. I really loved everything you just said, and I can absolutely relate to it. And I, as you were talking, I was kind of thinking, I wonder if, like, I know that you're literally a high flyer, you're a very ambitious, very like go-getter, you grab life with both hands, and I'm exactly the same. And my I would say my top love language is time, also. And I wonder if there's a correlation between people who are constantly flat out that actually all they want is time. And I I wonder if that's embedded in us because we don't give ourselves that time.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Honestly, I think that's really true around like being ambitious, career-driven, or even just ambitious in life, like you say, and I'm always go, go, go. I'm always giving 200% when actually I don't need to give 200% all the time. My 100% or my 80% on some days, because we do have harder days than others, is enough. Um, and one of the questions kind of Laura posed to me before coming on here was um around how your confidence is built and what what's those things that you say to yourself when you're feeling low. And I I guess something I've always gone back to that's just stuck with me from being a child is like, you're not enough, you're not good enough, you're not enough in this. I wasn't particularly academic at school. I had to work really hard to get okay grades, and I think that's has been like this underlying layer to me in my adult life that when I give things a go, I kind of have that doubt, you're not enough, so you need to give 20% more than anyone else would. However, I'm now in a place where I'm realising I am enough. I'm shifting that mindset and realising that what I give, you know, doesn't need to be like extra all the time because you're only going to face burnout, and you know, a lot of us have faced that physically, emotionally, and I certainly have as well in my career at times.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Yeah, it's so so so relatable. So, do you think that you the same person came out of Love Is Blind that went in? Or if not, what changed for you?

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Oh my god, that's no, absolutely Laura uh Laura and and Emma. I'm definitely not the same person that went into that. I I actually I'm gonna go and revisit the series, but I have watched it back obviously when everything went on, and I obviously I recognise that Ashley, but I I also have a lot of empathy and sympathy for that Ashley, and I think within our lives we all have chapters where we are a version of yourself, and that version of me in Love is Blind was a very vulnerable person, was a very, you know, uh open, genuine, honest, but not really sure of kind of what love I deserve or need, and was looking for that validation in the person I was with or who I was dating. So I've come out the other side and I watch it back, and I I really appreciate that, Ashley. And she's still inside and she's probably sitting on this shoulder sometimes. And sometimes I'd go back to that vulnerable Ashley and think I'm not enough. But I also now I'm in a possession position where I'm two steps forward and I'm like on this side of my shoulder, going, No, look what you've learned, look how far you've come, look at the relationship I have now with my dad, which was never strong before the show. Now I'm in a place where I can talk to him about a lot of things I wouldn't normally. Um, and again, I've learned again about self-respect to find my own voice and to hold myself, myself, you know, not look for that person to carry me or to validate how I should feel. I can do that myself now. And that came through the experiment, which is wild because every day in that experiment you were faced with cameras, right, you know, at some stages of it, in your face, you know, less than a metre away from you, asking you, well, how does that make you feel? And I had to catch a breath and think, I haven't even processed how that situation has made me feel, but now you're asking me to talk about it. That's something you don't really experience a lot in life, the way it was um kind of managed. So it was a bit of a therapy session throughout the whole experiment of actually a deep dive into like how is your mind working, Ashley? How do you really feel about yourself? How do you feel about this situation you're in? And because I was able to face my fears and my feelings very quickly off the bat every single day, continually. I then started to go, Well, I have to notice that I'm feeling that way. So hear it, Ashley, and take listen to you, like and and now do something with that rather than brush those feelings maybe to the back of my mind or not face those feelings for weeks. I actually had to embrace them, learn how to deal with it, and actually move forward because I think that's the biggest thing is never look back, even when you know we we can look back at fond memories, always, always think what's next, what can I do to move forward?

SPEAKER_02 14:50

It's really interesting. And I wonder, go on.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

I think time has slowed down for me since coming out of the show. I am in control of my day a bit better. I actually schedule, because I'm such a busy person, as you said, Emma, I'm always go, go, go. I actually schedule, I have this is the way it works for me. I have to schedule time in my diary, literally write it down for time for Ashley, because that's what my self-love requires. I need that to fill me and my cup. And it might not work for everyone, but having that time scheduled for Ashley, where I will be on my own, I'll go for that dog walk, I'll go and have a coffee, I might meet up with friends, but generally I try and make that time just me and diaries and you know, journal. I voice note a lot to myself now. Um, and I think that again comes from the Love is Blind experience where I was getting so used to hearing my own voice and my thoughts. I've carried that out of that, and I actually just press play on my phone. Don't record myself like my picture, I just listen to my voice, and I'll label that voice note, you know, maybe it was a day of worry or a day of you know, of joy, and I'll listen back to that voice note in a week's time, and that's where the power comes because I'll then process. Wow, at that point I was feeling that. Gosh, look at me today. I don't feel anything that, or actually, am I still in that same place that I was last week when I voice noted? Okay, interesting. And I'll, I guess, Laura, I'll notice a lot more. I'll notice that okay, I've got a bit of a flutter in my chest, or I'm getting sweaty palms at this feeling. And I'll go hello to that thought, and I'll and I'll kind of embrace it rather than dismissing it and living in it and kind of not controlling it. I'm now like, okay, I feel this way. That that's interesting, and kind of make a positive out of it. Oh wow, acknowledge it, say hello to it, and then park it and give time for that feeling to come out again, maybe later in my day, if I want to have that little bit of worry time about it or process that. So I guess I'm noticing a lot more. I guess that answer to that Laura is around it, and having more control over it is allow me to have more self-love. And I think you're so much more powerful and magnetic and amazing, and you see people who have that self-love, and it can be really small moments in your day that you can gain that from.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

Yeah, it sounds like in the world of AI, you are doing a really good job to get to know who you are. And I think I I use the reference of AI because I think it's you know, it can slowly manipulate the way that we think and the way that we we feel, and actually what it does is it stops us going, how how would I reply to this, or what would I do in this situation? And it and it you end up using it for a lot of I would say it takes away an instinct almost, whereas it sounds like you're trying to improve your own instinct, and therefore it's improving your confidence, your uh and also it must be improving your neuropathways like tenfold. But as a result, it it's clearly coming out in confidence and and self-appreciation.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Yeah, yeah, I totally hear that, and I've never really thought of it like that because you know, your gut is so it's so right. You've got to listen to what your gut is telling you, and I'm not afraid to go there, I'm not afraid to feel vulnerable at times, I'm not afraid to feel uncomfortable. Yeah, it's not a nice feeling. And you know, I started um like a new project at work, and I was delivering a new content that I'd never been exposed to before. And for a long time I was like that imposter syndrome, like I'm not enough, I can't do this, it's really new to me. And from the outside, probably people wouldn't have known that. People see me on a podcast, see me on a TV show, see me at work, and think, gosh, she's got real confidence. But actually, I am a human being, and inside I still get those butterflies, those nervous moments, those doubts. But I guess what I'm saying is I'm not afraid to fail and listen to that and have times where you have a big cry and you let it all out. But what I am aware of is confidence is about showing up. And as long as you show up and you might not have the ability to fix things or know the right answer to things, but if you know in yourself that you're gonna be able to overcome it, then you're gonna be okay. Then that is what confidence is. It's not being the loudest in the room or saying the best things. Actually, it's been quiet in the room if you want to be, but it's just having that awareness that you can overcome it in your way somehow. And that's what confidence is to me.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Confidence is the ability to show up. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

Yeah, and in whatever way you want it to be, Emma. Like, I wouldn't ever put how I show up is going to be different to how you show up. And we should never try and show up in the same way as someone else, because that's where you probably have that doubt and that comparison the whole time. And we can easily do it, right? It's so easy to think I should be like them and I should speak like that, or should think like, but no, it's about showing up as you, and authenticity is key, and consistency is how you build that trust in yourself and others. So keeping consistent to that, you will you will be you will be on the right track, and life will take you where it should be if you are authentic and consistent with it.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

What happens on those more negative days? What what do you do with those thoughts that pop-up?

SPEAKER_00 21:08

I guess um I just don't shy away from them, and I have to recognise that I am human and not every day's gonna be perfect. Um, I would say I put a lot of pressure on myself to be like at an expectation that's up here, and I I do battle with that often, being like, Ashley, no, you again to that giving 200%, you don't need to do that all the time. Bring it down a bit, and that that's enough as well. So, you know, I'm no way perfect, I'm still balancing that act every week that I live, you know, with different experiences I have. But when you do have those negative feelings or thoughts or just days or tough times, it's just being okay to sit in the soil and and knowing. That there is some sunshine above you, and that that will that will peek out, and the blue sky will come just like it does with seasons. Um, it does that with feelings, but knowing that things do move continually, like today is just a day, this moment you're feeling is just a moment, and actually being optimistic uh that things will pass and it will be okay, and you you will get you all get through this and and you're not alone. And this is why we're doing the podcast, right? Because people will hopefully resonate, even if one person resonates with that feeling. That's one change of mindset, and one person that feels less alone in dark times and knows that we we all go through it, even if social media tells us otherwise, or AI tells us you shouldn't. Let's stay authentic and let's be real that life is tough sometimes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Physical emotional responses typically last only 60 to 90 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

We just Google that's amazing, really. 60 to 90 seconds, so you're talking a minute, a minute and a half, and if you were to tell yourself that when things get tough, you yeah, that would really help. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

If someone is listening to this and they feel like they could relate to Ashley that started Love is Blind, what would you say is something they can do today or now that is really gonna help them?

SPEAKER_00 23:35

I think knowing that you are enough, you are, you, you are, you're amazing, you're beautiful, you're strong, you're brave, you're vulnerable, you have emotions, and that's real, and that's a human being, because we're not a robot and we're not AI, even though the world is going that way. And yeah, know that you are enough, and your path is written for you, and we just have to trust the process sometimes, and trust that when things happen to us in life, it's all an experience. Um, my dad's always said to me, you know, knock down seven, get up eight. And I've always thought, okay, yeah, I am gonna be knocked down, but I can get up eight, and you can quite easily not want to go out, give up, not go for that job interview, not go on that date, not meet that friend, but by not giving things a go, you'll never know. And I think more people are afraid of failing than actually taking opportunity and exploring it and actually taking the risk because that risk could pay off, and in my instant, it paid off in Love Is Blind in a complete new light to what I was expecting it to pay off, but actually, that was what my path was meant to be, and that's where my journey was. And at times I didn't want to believe that, and I still wanted that husband, I still wanted to, you know, have it work out, but acceptance, I guess, as well, I would say to people is accepting that this is this is happening is really powerful to do, even when things feel uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

I think perspective's such a big thing as well, because it's just made me think like you could have seen coming off the show and it not working out as like a failure, and just like wallowing in that and that being the situation, but you have done the complete opposite and used everything that it gave you.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Yeah, totally. It's given me so much inner strength that is unbelievable. And I think when you watch a TV show like that and you watch reality shows, you kind of, I'll be honest, you kind of think, oh, that person's not real, they can't be real. Like you think they're so far detached because they're on a show like that. I mean, even now when people recognise me, there's always that moment of like, is this person like real? Like, there's a pause, there's a moment that happens, and then when I speak and I I show them who I who I am, which is exactly who you saw on the show, they're like, oh my god, this person has feelings. This person went through so many milestones in such a short burst of time, you know. To go on a show is one thing, to get married is another, to go through a real divorce is another, all within 18 months is is huge. Um, and the level of you know, vulnerability I felt in that show at times was actually a strength now. And I just think never be afraid of being vulnerable because can really get people to buy into you if you're a leader out there or you're delivering a presentation or even going for an interview showing that side of you is not a weakness. It shows real curiosity and power in yourself. So I've definitely lent into that and and the power of saying no as well, you know. It's okay to say no if things don't feel right, and trusting that gut and not being that people pleaser, which you know, a lot of us can relate to at times, you know, asking yourself what's what's what's in this for me, and that's not being selfish, like self-love isn't selfish, or it's not a level of arrogance, which I used to think it was, but it's actually a level of maturity and going back to just strength and being grounded, and that's that's beautiful if you can develop that.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

Did you have any setbacks or anything that knocked your confidence after the show and or during the show? And and how did you kind of move forward through that?

SPEAKER_00 28:07

I think we all have setbacks. Um there's so many setbacks I could tell you. Um depends how much you notice them, I guess, um, and you want to kind of move forward from them. But as I said, I try and embrace those setbacks, and I think uh some of them could have been for me, and they were um, you know, being in the public eye is is huge, even though you know I didn't have much bad um publicity, if you like, you you still do get comments that knock you around your appearance or just that your decision, you know, when you're in that environment of being an influencer or whatever you want to call it, um people who don't know you will put their opinions on you. And so I had to develop a layer of resilience to be like, well, you can have your opinion on me, but I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna listen, and I'm not going to let that knock me off my my journey and my path because I know who I am and I stay true to me, and and you know, they weren't there, so that was tough, you know. Uh developing the ability to receive feedback um that wasn't always positive. So that's a huge strength in that. Um I'm trying to think of a quote my dad said around that. My dad's just a superhero with these quotes, and I I just think you you have real idols in your life that you lean on, and he's one of them. And I think he always says to me, you know, um, don't accept criticism from someone you wouldn't take feedback from or you wouldn't take advice from. Yeah, yeah, that is a that is a really good one, you know. Just don't. But you can't stop people having, you know, freedom of speech. So, and I'm accountable for putting myself on the show and accountable for being visible. So I knew that was gonna come with it, but it's just how you manage that um is the bit I had to figure out. Um, yeah, you know, so I guess I guess that's one of the setbacks is around yeah, receiving negative feedback or comments about yourself, and you're like, okay, how do I uh remind myself that this is me and don't you know ignore that?

SPEAKER_01 30:29

Um and you've mentioned like resilience and and knowing that you're enough and all of these things, but if you know, if I'm if there's someone listening to this that says, like, okay, well, how do I get that resilience? How do I how do I get to know that I am enough? You know, I don't just wake up and think one day, oh, I've cracked it. Like, how do you take someone on that journey?

SPEAKER_00 30:56

I guess, first of all, accepting that it's not going to change overnight, that resilience piece. But um, I don't think one day you wake up and you're like, I'm resilient, I've got resilience always, you know, because I think resilience is tested every single day. And it can be through the minor things of driving your car and you're in traffic, and that's resilience because you've got to be somewhere perhaps, and you're now being thrown off track and you've got to remain calm and you know, proceed. It can be driving through weather, storms, and like resilience is something that I guess maybe we think of it as to be a huge thing that comes with being in a relationship or dealing with something really tough in life, um, illnesses and things, but actually, resilience is day to day, it's part of being human. And I think just noticing how well you handle things day to day, or how well, or how hard it was to handle something today, acknowledging it, saying hello to it literally, like, or writing it down, or voice noting yourself, or speaking it out loud to a friend or a family, then that that small acknowledgement that you have about being resilient in that moment or not being resilient, just always gonna sandwich up to building like your pot of gold inside of you. Yeah. And yeah, I think it's just something that comes with with time, and and also, you know, I've got a my poorly Nan is in hospital at the moment, and you know, she's getting better. But initially I was like, I don't know if I've got the resilience to to do this, to think positively. I think this could be it. And now I look back at that point, which was two months ago when she first got admitted to hospital, and I think, gosh, look where my mindset is now. And I think it's just being really self-aware, actually, and not being afraid to go back to those doubts and the self-doubt and the talk, the dark times, and but being able to look forward all the time, and that's what I think resilience is taking on what you've gone through, but pushing it forward, and in whatever way that looks for you, it is is building resilience, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

Yeah, and that's where I really like your voice note idea, is because that week on week shows you, and and people might cringe to that, and there's an you can do it by journaling, you can do it by journaling, you don't have to listen to yourself, but that week on week just shows you because you forget things, don't you? You completely forget certain feelings that you have around, you know. I always think about management. I I was I was thrown into management. I would never no one ever taught me how to be a manager, but all of a sudden I had a gym and had staff and I had to manage them, and and you know, that journey has happened so quickly. Um, I don't remember how I felt back then, but actually with those journals or with those voice notes or whatever, you get to have a look at oh my god, I did feel like that, and I and I can't believe it. And I bet that happens every single week or every single month to people where they feel different about their kids growing up or their work or you know, their the job that they're in, or or the fitness, you know, journey that they're on, whatever they're doing, you're constantly building that hole of resilience up, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

And like we talk about grounding ourselves, like physically, you know, two feet on the ground and just taking a moment of pause in our days, which we don't do enough of. I definitely don't do enough of, but I I try to put that time in my diary to do it, and just maybe closing your eyes and feeling like you know, those roots that make us up, like imagining where those roots would take you if you really closed your eyes and thought about it, those roots would take you back to those moments of darkness, happy, joy, and then kind of appreciating that you've been through all of that um and and projecting it forward. And we don't often probably look enough back at photographs, and even when you were talking there, Emma, I was like, wow, if I sometimes feel that I I need that appreciation for myself again, I'll look back to kind of that love is blind moments where I was in the pods or in the the retreat, and I go, Wow, that was a moment there where I was feeling like that, but now look where I am with it now. Look, look how much has changed. And it's probably okay as well to say that nothing's changed, like because not everything is going to change in the space of a few months. It might take years, and I think that's important to highlight that we don't need to force that change, but I promise you, there is small things that we do every day that build that resilience, and it's just acknowledging it and making it really normal, and probably just having frank conversations like this more about God, and maybe even we should say to each other, like, you're resilient. Like, I feel like that is a real big compliment. Like, you know, you know, when people say, like, you're amazing or you're great at that. Maybe we should actually say more, you're resilient. You you've got self-love is radiating from you right now, and that that would probably be really because you wouldn't, we don't, that's not in our vocab, but maybe that's the trend we start from this podcast. You're resilient.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

Yeah, yeah. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 36:32

I think more people should say that to each other. It's a powerful word, isn't it? Not not giving up, you know, not giving up, even when it's tough, yeah. You you can absolutely do it and you're not alone with it.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

So we've spoken about a lot, and I've I've loved this conversation, but if there were three things for people to take away, what would be your three top takeaways from this chat?

SPEAKER_00 37:00

Okay, um the first thing I'm gonna say is authenticity is key. Be you, be proud, shout about it, um, because that's what makes us all unique and special, and the world would be really boring if we were all the same. So be you and be proud of being you. Um I guess something else I'd say following this conversation is you know, uh notice more, notice your thoughts, your feelings, and as soon as you start noticing them and embracing them, you will build that resilience and that self-love.

SPEAKER_01 37:51

So notice as well, notice it within yourself, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Notice within yourself.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

Because a lot of us can notice what's going on outside of us. We're actually noticing what's you know, the thoughts, the feelings, the sensations that you're having.

SPEAKER_00 38:13

Yeah, and um, don't be afraid to be curious with them, be nosy, ask yourself, oh, wonder why I'm feeling like that today. And then ask yourself again, I wonder why that's happening. And you will get to that probably deep-rooted, maybe even a little bit scary thought that might take you back to your childhood as why you're feeling embarrassed now or self-conscious of yourself now. But notice, explore, be curious, and then hold on to that thought and and don't forget it because if you've acknowledged it, wrote it down, voice noted it, said it out loud, taken a picture of it, whatever that looks like in your world that you can do in a week's time or a month's time, you'll look back and that that's built you resilience and that's built you up to who you are today. Um remember that quote knock down seven, get up eight. Um if you don't give things a go, you'll never know. So don't be afraid of failure either. Never. Don't be afraid of it. Yeah, because good things can come from it.

SPEAKER_01 39:25

Yeah, it feels like you've got three lives, but you're only gonna need two, kind of thing. So don't be afraid. Yeah. Yeah, I love that quote. Ash, this has been such a great conversation. Thank you so much for giving up your time. I think in a such a fast-paced world where everyone is doing and striving and achieving and trying to squeeze in any bit of time for themselves that they can, it's such a nice reminder to just stop and start taking some, start taking some notes on yourself and start tuning in a little bit more. And that is what's going to propel you forward. That's what's going to give you the self-love, the confidence, and the ability to get up that seventh time to give that eighth one a go. So thank you so, so much for spreading your message. And please, please don't stop.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

Oh, thank you, Emma. Thanks, Laura, for having me. And remember, it doesn't have to be a lot of time that you give to that, it can be five minutes in your day that's really achievable because you know we have got busy lives and we've got children and things going on, but just making a little bit of time for it will, as you said, propel you to develop all of what we've talked about today, and that's key. So thanks for having me on the show. Great to chat.