EPISODE 2 — Abandonment, Foster Care & Finding Identity: Darlee’s Truth

EPISODE 2 — Abandonment, Foster Care & Finding Identity: Darlee’s Truth

In Episode 1, we opened the door to betrayal trauma — the kind of wound that follows you into adulthood and shapes how you trust, love, and rise.

But betrayal doesn’t only come from partners.

Sometimes betrayal comes from the very people and systems meant to protect you.

In Episode 2 of SUITT & BOOT, Tshai sits down with Darlee Rodriguez, who shares her powerful story of growing up in foster care — and ultimately aging out of the system without the stability or security every child deserves.

Darlee opens up about:

• The emotional reality of foster care instability
• How abandonment becomes a lifelong wound
• What it feels like to age out with no safety net
• The search for identity without roots or guidance
• Healing the attachment wounds created in childhood
• Building resilience from a place of deep rejection

If Episode 1 explored betrayal trauma in intimate relationships…
 Episode 2 uncovers how early abandonment creates the blueprint for every relationship that follows.

This conversation is vulnerable, powerful, and deeply healing.

🔗 Watch Episode 1 first for full context
🔗 Then dive into Episode 2 — the story continues

#suittandboot #fostercarestory #abandonmenttrauma #betrayaltrauma #findingidentity #fostercareawareness #healingjourney #traumarecovery #innerchildhealing #chainbreakers

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:39

From scorpion to eagle to phoenix, this is suit and boot, standing up in truth and transformation in breaking out of trauma. Today we're talking about abandonment and resilience. And today I'm here with my guest, Darlie Rodriguez. Darley is a proud Haitian woman. She's a mother. She's a paralegal. And she also started a nonprofit called Stand Up for Us for foster care for other children in the foster care system. Darlie, thank you for joining us today. It's a pleasure. And you're a fellow Scorpio doctor. Thank you. It's a pleasure to have you. I'm not trying to deliberately only have Scorpios on my podcast, guys. It just so happened to that's what's happening. Because we know the three stages of Scorpio, the Eagle, the Phoenix, and you know, the Eagle, Phoenix, and Scorpion. So, Darlie, thank you for being here today, Darlie. And I'm just gonna jump right into it. Tell us how you ended up into the foster care system.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Yes. Well, thank you so much for having me. And I'm honored to be a guest on your podcast. So um, I end up in the foster system, was because my mother wanted a better life for me. Um so she sent us. I know you heard the stories how the parents overseas sent their family and kids to the American Dream. So they sent me over here to the American Dream. My mom sent me and my elder brother to the American Dream, but we end up getting lost with the family members, and then I end up in foster care through the fall um through traveling a lot with um going from house to house through the family she sent me in, and it was not stable.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Okay, so now you said your mom sent you here. Where did she send you? So you're originally from Haiti, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Okay, so your mom wanted a better life. So did she send you here to family members, friends? Who were you sent here to?

SPEAKER_00 2:39

So I was what happened was my me and my mother and my brothers, we were in Turse and Caicos, grew up in Terst and Caicos Island, and she had a what I remember, of course, she had a close friend, and she sent me with her close friend. At that time, she said I was like an auntie, you know, everybody's your auntie. So she said um that was like an auntie um for me, and my auntie had two um young girls that was my age, so they were going to uh Florida, and then she said, Could you take my daughter with you? You have two younger girls, she'll fits right in. So she took me with my auntie, her friend. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Okay, so you ended up being there with your your aunt and and so on and so forth, right? Yeah. So now how was that when you uh came here and how did you end up in the foster care system? Because she sent you to a person, yeah, an auntie, right? So how did you end up in the foster care system?

SPEAKER_00 3:35

Okay, so how I end up in the actual foster system was when I was with that auntie, she wasn't stable. So she wasn't stable, was going from a house to house, home to home. And one day she left me with her friend. So uh my auntie left me with her friend, and um, we're playing around. Me and my um my cousins, which is her kids. So me and her my um my two um girls' cousin were playing around. She left, um, had um her friend babysitting us at the time, and then someone knocked on the door, I went to the door, and the lady, of course, the friend said, Go ahead and open the door. I went and go answer the door. When I answered the door, the person that appeared at the door was like, Wow, what a beautiful girl! She's beautiful. Could I have her? And the friend was like, Yeah, of course you can have her, but you have to, you know, buy her. So they sold me. So the friend sold me to her friend that came knocking on the door. So um I was I went with her, and then I believe my auntie found out. I was like, hey, why could you do that? I was very upset. I just remember a lot of back and forth. I was very young, so it didn't just me. What I remember was a lot of back and forth. And the lady, my auntie was like, I need her back. But she's like, Nope, you can't get her back. I bought her fair and square, you need to give me back my money or something else. All I know is I was there for maybe, I'm not sure um how long I was there. Maybe it was a week or two. But I do know one day my auntie came to pick me up from that house, and the lady left me. I saw they cut all my hair, put it in this brown bag, and left me there. And then my auntie picked me up, and then we went to this lady house. Um I'm not gonna say her name, you know, went to this lady house, and then my auntie was like, Hey, could you watch her for me? I'm not stable, I'll be right back. I just know I didn't want to leave my auntie, so I started crying, and then she left me with this particular lady, and then this lady, um, I believe the lady was not very stable as well, or not like she wasn't stable, she just didn't have, I guess, knowledge. So she dropped me to school with no paper. And of course, you know, I'm walking around the school, like, who are you? I'm like, Who are you? Like, you know, and then the school system contacted the police, and then that's how DCF got involved with me. Wow, okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

So um, you're so you got your aunt got you back from the lady that quote unquote sold you, right? Um, and so so she picked you up and then she eventually dropped you off at another friend.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

Yeah, so when my um auntie, I call her godmother, so if you hear me say godmother, so my auntie at that time picked me up. She picked me up, it was a bag in my hand. I I don't know what was in that bag. Um, she picked me up and she looked in the bag, she threw the bag on the floor, and I believe I probably was with her maybe another two days, and then she went to this her f another friend house, and then all of us, I would just remember that day was me, her, and her two daughters. We all stepped together. Her friend gave us a room. We all stepped together the next day. My aunt's like, I'm I'll be right back. I'm leaving. I just started crying, like, please don't leave me. So at this point, I'm scared. Like every time we leave, like, you know, what happened last time, like she's like, I'll be right back. And that was my last time seeing her, and I stayed with this lady. And then, of course, you know, she dropped, you know, she's trying to put me to school, dropped me to school, no paperwork, no nothing, and the system contacted me.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

So, do you remember the first day that you were in the foster care system and what was that like for you? Can you take us back to that moment?

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Honestly, I don't remember my first day in the foster care system. I really I don't know if it's me deep down trying to bury it or I just don't remember it. I don't remember, I don't remember n the first day at all, but I do remember how I do remember the police, like when, for example, when they did contact the police and everything, they came to the school, and I remember the school was like, What's your name? Who who you here with? And at the time, um, the lady I was with, I'm gonna her n let's just put her name is the lady I was with, she had two kids there, and she had a sets of twins, and you know, sets of twins at that time, it's not allowed sets of twins. So they was like, I think they were the only sets of twins at the school at that time. So I'm like, oh, my brothers are X, Y, and Z. They're like, okay, I'm at the twins. That's the only twins. And then they call and tag them, and then they call their mother. I just remember there's a lot of people around me at that time. There was police, there were DCF, there was the mother, there was the um um everybody. I don't re I I don't remember me actually being the fossil school. Actually, she they allowed me to stay with her because you know her attention was not for her attention was for me to go to school. It's not like she was harming me or anything. She just didn't know. You know, as I'm older, because before my that was, you know, as I'm older, her attention was just for me to go to school, so they let me stay with her because also she was she said that she was um my mother, like she knew my mother. She's like my biological mother. She and she said she was my auntie. So, you know, of course, they did rather me stay with a family that is. Yeah, so I remember so I do remember me staying with her. Um I do remember staying with her, and then stuff happened, then I ended up going from house to house.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Okay. And then where was your mom in all of this back home? And uh, where was your mom in Haiti?

SPEAKER_00 8:46

So um, she was in Turse and Caicos, so I'm Haitian. Um, just to get a backstory, so I don't know nothing about my background at at all due to the fact I was in foster care. But my mom um originally um is from Tersting Caicos, so she was in Terst and Cecos Island. And the reason I I knew anything about my mother because the lady I was staying with, um, she knew my mother, so she came in contact with my mother, so everything was going on. She was in Tursey Caicos, but as I'm I got older, I don't think they were letting her know what was really going on. You know, she just like, okay, my kid is is in America, but she didn't know that. I don't I'm I really don't even know when she knew that the the lady she originally sent me to is not who I'm I'm now with. So I'm not sure because even when I did talk to her recently, like now that I'm older, she was like, No, I thought, you know, you was okay. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

So you weren't speaking, you weren't communicating with your mom directly. All these third parties were doing the communication with mom and you back in Turks and Caicos. So you've never have you ever been back to Haiti or have you ever been to Haiti?

SPEAKER_00 9:49

I never maybe I don't even know how my mother looks. I sh I never met my mother in person and I and I'm gonna take it back. I do know how she looked now because of WhatsApp, because um WhatsApp came out when WhatsApp recently came out, now you could talk to people overseas, and then she sent me a picture, you know, we're getting to know each other. But as you say, she walked past me now. I won't know that's my mother because I don't have like I don't remember, like, you know, I don't know her. I never she didn't raise me. And then, you know, she sent me a photos, but I won't know that's her if she walked past me. Oh wow, that's that's heavy.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

How how does that even make you feel in terms of you know reconnecting with mom now and and and that?

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Now that I'm older, I'm okay. Younger, I was horrible. Like, I'm like, so how did that make me make me feel like I don't know you, you left me, you abandoned me. So, you know, I'm younger, I'm I'm pissed at her, like you left me, like you know. So, but now I'm older, now that I understand her tension behind it, um, I'm I'm happy she did it. Like, you know, because like look where I'm at, I probably wouldn't be able to, but back then I was I was I was hard. I was I was really hard on her and myself. And then maybe even low key, I don't think I fully forgive her, but I know it was it was God's plan, basically.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Yeah, to have you be here and you know, just to get out of that system and everything like that. So now do you have any biological siblings, like brothers, sisters?

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Like I said, my I have an older brother. So my mother have and I'm that I know of. I have an older brother and he's also in the foster system because she sent me and my older brother to America for a better life. So I mean he's aged out of the foster system. We're older older now. But um, me and him is close. Um, we got actually got closer after we aged out of the foster system. And when I say aged out, for people that don't know, age out when you back then, I'm not sure if they changed it, but when you're in the foster system, when you turn 18 on your birthday, you gotta get out of the pastor system. So when you aged out, so we call it aged out. So my um me and my brother, we both was in the foster system and we both aged out. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

And so uh is that when you reconnected with your brother um after you were turned 18?

SPEAKER_00 12:07

No, actually how I got connected with my brother, and I don't I'm not too clear on how that really happened because I everything happened when I was really young. I was really like maybe five, six, or if not younger. So I'm not too sure of how we got connected, but I do know the lady and the lady she was um in contact with my mother, my biological mother, and by her being in contact with my biological mother, she knew who my mother, my brother to with to come to America. Okay. So long story short, and I don't know the full thing, so I'm not even sure. I'm not sure if she contacted the lady, hey, I got the sister, or vice versa. I'm not sure, but I do know that DCF was involved and we had to take a DNA test. Me and my brother did not know each other because remember, we came separate. So by the time they found out I had a we wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

So who was here first? You or your brother, or did you guys come together?

SPEAKER_00 13:01

We came separately. I believe my brother came first and then was me.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Okay. And you said the lady that your mom originally sent you to. That was an M, right? That was the whole different person. Yeah, that was a whole so did your brother and you obviously you did not get sent to the same person, right? You got sent to two different people. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Different timing, different people.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

And so so the one that had the person that had your brother, that was the person that, you know, knew that you existed or Yes.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

So and the person that had my brother, they knew from what I own understanding, they knew that me and my brother are related. They knew my mother wanted us to come here to be in a better life. So I believe they got in contact with each other. How DCF got in in the whole in the whole in all of this. I don't know how DCF got in with me and my brother, but I do remember um DCF was involved and they had it like we went to the good thing, we had to take DNA tests. And this is by me, by this time, I'm with maybe a couple years. So I'm very young when this happened to me. So my body.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

How old were you when all of that?

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Maybe, I mean, I'm saying since maybe this is before DCF, like maybe this was like under five. And this is me speeding the process. Like, I didn't go straight to school when I went to Marie. Like I was like home, I guess, you know, I I and I don't know. You know, I don't know. Maybe she didn't know, or she's trying to figure out what to do with me. I didn't go to school. I was at home before I went straight to school. So by the time I finally did, they told me about a brother. I I'm like, who are you? He's like, Who are you? So we were strangers to each other. So they did a DNA test. Um we were related. They had to send people by day. I'm talking about like the government and um DCF, um, Department of Children, had to send somebody over to Terst and Keiko's to go get our parent my birth certificate and everything, and also to my mother's um rights were taken from her, so she had to sign some paper. I just remember us always in the courthouse and with visitation, we used to visit each other in this building, but he would play way over there. I'm playing way over there because we didn't know each other. Right, right. So, but um to answer that, um, me and my brother knew each other in the foster system, but we got close out of the foster system. So when we when I and not even out, when I had him, I had my son, that's when me and him got really close to each other and um we started getting to know each other, but we were strangers to each other.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Yeah, yeah. And so let me ask you, so at what age uh you entered the foster system, we would say like about three, four.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

So so when I say enter the foster system, I probably would say maybe like six. Okay or five, maybe five, six, because before that I was with and um but I was I was with I was with this lady and um I was with her for a point of time before she sent me to school. Right. So when I actually got foster system is when I actually when the police got involved. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:55

But I my story started before M sent you to school. That's when DCF got involved. Department of Children got involved. That's when they got involved. And you know, you didn't have documentation at that time. So they got involved and they put you into the foster care system.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Yes, the the the school and the DCF put me in the foster system. But before that, I was when I went to that was when I was telling you I was going to house that that wasn't even DCF involvement yet. This DCF didn't get involved until I actually went to school and the school contacted the police. So yeah, so I had I see so yeah, before that, even before I went to school, and this is like I'm telling you the fast version, I didn't go to school right away. I was with her, like, you know, and and then she sent me to school. So what do you know of your dad? I haven't I don't know nothing of him. I and the only thing I probably know is talking to my mother over the phone, and then she said that he's down here, he's American, he's in Jacksonville.

SPEAKER_01 16:52

Oh, really? Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:53

But she gave me his number once and I called him. I called him like, hey, this is Darley. Now and I remember I was I was in another foster home that time. I was in a foster home in Miami Garden, I remember calling calling him because I called him on my birthday. And he's like, Hey, Darley, this is this that was my first and last time talking to him. Oh, really? Yeah, and then when I don't even know what I told him because again, I was young, like you know, a lot of stuff is like blank for me because I was young, and or I'm trying to bury it purposely.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

And we tend to bury a lot of things that are negative, you know. I've had uh uh Dr. uh Gianni, a licensed medical health uh counselor uh on the show, and she was elaborating on how a lot of times we bury the negative things, we we just kind of zone them out because they're not good facts for us so that we can survive. So it sounds like you were basically in survival mode all throughout. So, you know, tell tell us about what you can remember about your time in foster care.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

How was that for you? So when I was with and I called I call her foster care too when DCF got involved because and the reason I call her foster a foster care too, because every month, every week, or every every chance they have, somebody was always coming to the house. Because you know, I had a case manager to check in on me. I had a guide of light on to check um to check on me. I had a therapist to check on me. We had everybody to check on us and win the foster system. So with Marie, and um she was a Haitian um background. With her having people come into her door, that actually upset had got her very upset that she was always in the courthouse, always, um, people always knocking on her door, people always checking about, checking in, and that with that being upsetting her, she started mistreating me. And I guess my mother and her had a relationship, as in business relationship. I mean, because um, you know, back then there was buy stuff in Florida, like in America, and then they resell it overseas for cheaper, you know, money when money gets involved, and yeah, so I guess my mom might send her the money or not buy send a product in time, from what I'm understanding. So she had um I I'm the daughter. So they she mistreated me. It was it was becoming very abusive. She would not feed me, she would pinch me, throw stuff at me, but the nib. I will go to school any kind of way. The teachers started noticing, they were like, Is everything okay? Why you come to school looking like this? But your mind um she had a set of twins, but your brothers look like that. Why your lips busted? Your everything is going on. So she used to be, she used to have a very she used to hate my mother. That's what I got from it. She used to hate my mother because of the business relationship and also because of DCF. DCF used to get her very upset because um at the time she used to have to take me to court. We used to we lived in the courthouse, so she used to take, and you know, back then there's no Zoom, so you have to go in person first and yeah, yes, and then it wasn't do that, and it was a lot, it was a big case because I remember there was a first it was determined if me and my brother um related, then it was my mother losing her right, then it was her trying to adopt me. She was trying to adopt me at that time. Trying to adopt me, yeah, and then you know, yeah, so it was a lot, and then but she she used to just mistreat me. She like that was the worst time of my life. Um, I became very shy. I became suicidal, I became less confident in myself, I became insecure. But with school, I I lost I lost myself in school. What I mean by that is the only way I'm away from her is if I'm in school. So I used to always make sure like I'm doing projects, doing stuff. So I find my lust stay extra. I do everything in school. I make sure my grades are good, but believe it or not, that became a problem because my grades and everything used to always be great. And then if her kids have a bad grade, she used to get mad at me. Oh, you're trying to be up, you're trying to show off. You know, she's saying in the crayon, you're trying to show off, you think you're better than my kids. Or then let's just say if I'm relaxing at home or if I'm not doing nothing, but I had to clean, I always have to clean, cook. I'm not doing that. She will say, You what you think your mom brought you here for? You're not supposed to just relax. And again, because of her also her culture, she womans are supposed to do everything, you know. So her she's very strong, like women's supposed, and she had a sense of voice. I was like, I was their wife, like taking care of them. So, and then she had a resentment towards my mother. Then she had the whole thing with um DCF kid coming to her house. And at that back then, DCF would come on and out sometimes. So, you know, me, like I understand, like, you know, what's going on. And then when DCF does come, if you if you know me back in the days, I looked crazy raggedy. You were like hair. No, I mean hair not done, clothes, I look crazy, like beautiful, well put together. Yes, but no, back and then I look like I was like I looked it like I was going through something, but um, when DCF come, she knows she's coming, I'll she'll change my clothes. You look presentable, she'll tell me to grab one of her shoes, put a chain on my neck. I'll like I'll have as soon as Louis, as soon as they close the door, take everything off. So so yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

How did that make you feel? You know, like it I mean she's putting on essentially a show for the for the department to make it seem like you were safe and you were in good condition, but how did that even make you feel?

SPEAKER_00 22:21

That made me feel like I said, I became suicidal because I started thinking because it was besides I started thinking deeper. I was thinking like, and that was me younger, I was like, I'm not meant to be here. My mom don't want me, she don't want me, nobody wants me, like, why am I here? What's my purpose? Like, I was it made me literally suicidal. Like it made me feel like nobody wants me. And then even like I said, she was supposed to adopt me. And then I remember the adoption paper came, and then she was very upset. Why? I don't know. And then she threw the the papers because it was it came through the mail or something. I don't know where she got it from, but I just remember she had a package, she threw it. She's like, I would never adopt you. You would never have my last name. And that like that like broke me. Because even though she was mistreating me, I wanted her to be here. And I sound crazy. Yeah, yeah. I wanted her. I didn't want to get I didn't want to get her in trouble. I didn't want nothing to happen to her. I wanted her to see me. Like, I love her, even though she mistreated me. But um, yeah, so how it made me feel, it just made me feel um, and it made me start treating myself poorly too. I because again, I like nobody loved me. I don't love myself. I would call myself name, like darling, you're crazy, you stupid, this is this, that's yeah, it messed with my mental to this day. It messed with my mental.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Yeah, yeah. And I w I want to tell you, Darley, you know, like going through that and feeling maybe abandoned, feeling like they're not enough. You know, this is why I created this space for people like you and myself. We have different stories, similar, but yeah, of course. You know, we have uh areas of abandonment. You know, I grew up with my parents, but I still felt abandoned. They were in the same household with me, yeah, but I still felt abandoned, right? And you know, it's it's so interesting or how we overcome in different ways and how we try to find survival mode. Like me, I dressed up in my clothes and I, you know, I internalized and you know, I waited until I could get out of the system. And I I think that you did similar coping mechanisms, right? Because you you definitely went on to go to college. So tell us how you were able to break out of that emotional turmoil. Because I I've had a sense of where I wanna I'm I was suicidal, you know. I'm going through my leukemia and I'm going through the divorce and and the situation with my high school sweetheart. There's a baby now, and you know, my law firm is not doing well, and so all that financially, and I I figured nobody loves me. Yeah, nobody cares.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Yeah, nobody sees you, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

Yeah. So I definitely do understand. So, how were you able to pull yourself out of that emotional rut, you know, and to kind of pull yourself to go to college? Tell us how you were able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

I did that because like I said, and then from just to kind of backtrack a bit, from of course, um after the abuse and everything, back like so much abuse. I had a case manager that was assigned to me, and she like she she poured so much love into me, like I was scared of her, like I know I'm not used to it. Like, I'm like I'm like, what's what's like what like what's the like what yeah, like what is your goal here? So I was like, and I was so like I was so mean to her, like I was so not mean, but I would not talk to her. I was so like yeah, but she was the she was the most out of at that time was the person that actually cared, like darling, I know something's going on. Or Darley, uh, she'll come at my school, come pick me up, bring me lunch. Like she was just like, she would like she was pulling it out of me. And then but back then, I'm not sure if it changed. You know, case manager can put stuff in your head, like, are you getting abused? If this is happening, I have to open up and say it on my own term. And then um eventually it was getting so bad, like the abuse was getting so bad. When she used to beat me, it was numb. Like I would say stuff. I'll be like, Oh, I know I'm dumb. I know I'm like I'm saying everything she's telling me, say to me. I'm saying it. So why she's beating me, I'm saying it out loud. She's like be quiet. And I'd be like, I'm like, I know it is that to the point I won't cry no more. She'll she'll get like get different things to beat me. I got numb to it. And then one day she just like uh like he like like abused me so hard to like I was just over it and I picked up the phone and I called my case, including I was assigned the case manager, and I called her and I just cried and I was like and I just told her everything. She's like, baby, I knew already. She was like, I already know. She's like, I'm on my way. And then um, and then she and then she's like, we have to call her. I said, I don't want to get her in trouble. In the midst of that, I'm still thinking of her, I don't want to get her in trouble. That's when she was like, we have to tell her we're taking you. And then she called her and then she's like, okay, copy. And then and I left. And then from that, I went to, I started going from foster care to foster care to foster care. But also, um, also from that, I um, like I was saying with school, I told myself, I'm gonna, because she's like, You ain't gonna be nobody that I'm gonna say, I'm gonna show her. I'm gonna be somebody. I'm gonna do that. And now I'm gonna I'm gonna show you, like I'm gonna be somebody. And then I was just like stuck on like again, I didn't, I was she kind of like already made me to this person, like shy to myself. And I kind of already fell in love with the schoolwork and everything because that was my escape. That was where I met people. This is where I I don't have to be Darley in the foster care. This is where I I get to be Darley like every other kid, and I get to be who I want to be. So I just kept that love. And and then again, when I left hers, I went to another foster home. And I just kept, I just stick to what made me happy, which was the school.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

And their survival mood was you're focusing on education and what you could control. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

That's what I was able, that was the only thing I could control. This is the only thing that I did, and I was able to do it. And also in the mind, me doing it, I'm like, I'm gonna show her. Like, I'm gonna prove that whatever you think that I was not mad, like she said, your mom ain't saying you're here to have a good life, she sent you here to work. I'm gonna show her, like, I'm going to have a good life and work and do it, you know?

SPEAKER_01 28:48

Oh, yeah, you know, and so that you don't have to be in this box that they want to create, right? Do your own thing and break out of your own box. Because even for me as a child, um, left-handed, they used to call that the devil hand, all these things, you know, take the pen out of this hand and another hand and feeding me. And you know, when I was younger, I was a cute little girl, and they never thought I would come out to anything. They thought I was just gonna be another pretty girl with you know, washing, cooking, feeding, I would find a nice husband. And so I have five degrees now. Look, I'm gonna show you.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

I'm gonna prove you wrong. Yeah, that's the same thing. That's the same thing. And I'm gonna be honest, sometimes back in my head, I I feel like I'm I'm not smart enough, or you know, I'm not able to do it, or I don't have that push.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

And then look at what you become, yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

You know, I'm going on to you, you have a son now, right? How old is he?

SPEAKER_00 29:49

Seven, my baby, my world.

SPEAKER_01 29:51

How and how are you handling your son and how are you treating him differently than you were raised by M because essentially. M is the only parental figure for the longest time you've had. You loved her and you know you thought you didn't want to get her in trouble, but at the same time, you know that how she was treating you is not the way a parental figure should treat you, whether or not it's biology. I'm sorry, but you can't reach your back, you know.

SPEAKER_00 30:21

Like, no, and that's great. I was doing that to him yesterday. He's like, mommy, move. Like, you cannot want to be seeing him naked now. I'm like 97, even when he's about to go to sleep. I'm like, let me down to you just for a little bit, just so you can make sure. You know, then he'll just start talking about okay, yeah. Let me and then I catch myself like, yeah, I'm hindering him by doing certain things.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

So what I've been to is a good thing because I'm so hands on, but it's a bad thing because I'm so it's a great thing because you're an amazing mom and you know, you're doing everything that your son knows that he's loved, that you know, he's taken care of, and so on and so forth, right? So at the end of the day, we all we definitely know that that's love and and respect, and you're giving him everything that he needs to have. So, yeah, I mean, you know, you're being a great mom, you know, you're doing the extra. So I think it's pretty amazing, you know, you're making sure that your son doesn't experience the same abandonment, the same negativity that, you know, you want him to know that you love him and you care for him, you know. So tell us about dad. Where's uh dad in the picture? And when I say dad, I mean your your son's dad.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

My my spouse, yes. So um he's in the picture. I actually married my childhood sweetheart. Me too. Again, we have that in common again. We have a lot of things in common. So I married my childhood sweetheart, and um, when I mean by my childhood sweetheart, he was there, or he seen outside looking in when I was living with him, and he seen that and when um we kept in best I kept in contact because um his sister was my best friend. So we just kept in contact, moving from house to house. We always kept in contact, but um he's in the future, but he actually was incarcerated for quite some time, but he's here.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

So you said he was incarcerated, so how long?

SPEAKER_00 32:19

So he was gone maybe for about five years. Yeah, about five, five and a half years. Wow. And that's right when we had our son. My son just probably just turned one, just learning how to walk, and then he got into some troubles.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

And sometimes when we were raised a certain way, we didn't have proper parental guidance, you know. Like we get into stuff that's not the best for us, and that's why it's so amazing what you were able to do being in the foster care system and everything. You you started a charity for other foster care kids or whatever, Stand for Us. Tell us about why you started Stand For Us.

SPEAKER_00 33:06

Okay, so I started a nonprofit called Stand for Us. The main reason for Stan for Us is just so I could own my own story so I could have control of what I could do and help for the kids that's been in my position, for the kids that's not seen, for the voice that's not heard, for the kids that need guidance. So staff for us is basically like a home where there's love and there's a a network of people that been through the same thing that overcame it. Stan for us is just and it's just a way that I just inform fellow foster, my fellow foster sisters and brothers, that we have a lot of resources, we have a lot of opportunities that we could take advantage of. So um Stan for Us is very something that's just something personal for me that I just do just to educate people that was in my shoes, what opportunities that's out there for them.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

That's beautiful, Darley. That is so amazing. And can you tell us what are some of the things Stan for Us has done and how they've helped other foster uh kids and everything like that?

SPEAKER_00 34:17

Yeah, of course. So Stan for Us, but again, like I said, it's also my journey. So while I'm doing going through and building Stan for Us, I'm actually healing at the same time. Oh yes, and what I mean by that is because um one of the things we did do is um we did a mentorship. So I remember I was going to mentorship with these group of girls. This but this one particular girl was sharing her story with me, and I just started crying. And at that time, I started crying, I finished my partnership, but I slowed down my partnership. And the reason why I slowed down my partnership because I realized I wasn't completely healed from a lot of traumas that I went through. So um that's why I said stand for us is like something that I'm also kind of going through, working through. Um, I'm sorry, I probably misunderstood your question, DJ. What's what was the question?

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Oh no, I probably misunderstood.

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Um, you know, your so yeah, I'm sorry, what some of the things we did though. So one of my main things I do, my main mission with staff for us is is basically to recreate like the holidays, be present for the holidays. So during the holidays, I contact different foster homes or group homes, like Thanksgiving, Times Day, um, birthdays, duration, and I make it a a a special time for the foster kids to be seen. I yeah, I did a spring cleaning uh maybe a year or two ago. So basically, yeah, I have flyers everywhere. I could get them um rid of all your oaths and shoes, you know, uh donate them, and then we went through all of them, wash them, fold them, and then instead of just giving it to the foster kids, because in foster care, you know, you're moving from home to home and things giving still in, or you don't have no good quality stuff or anything. So instead of just giving the clothes to them, I was like, let's make it fun. Let's do it in a fashion show. And it's also good, a talent show. So I came for probably like a week or maybe like two weeks spinning, going through the clothes, cool, doing the talent show with them, and um doing the walkway with them, and then I I sponsored everything, the food, everything, and saved it for Thanksgiving. I looked for group homes and foster homes, and I sponsored Thanksgiving dinner for Chris for Valentine's Day for the young girls. I um make like little packages just so they don't because you would get so lost in the foster care, you'll find love in the wrong places. So I try like to provide that love for them. And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

That is beautiful. And you said, and what you just said, you know, in the foster care system, you know, they'll find love in the wrong places. And it's great that they have someone that has been through it, like you, that they can that can help with resources and so on. So if someone out there that's listening wants to help with anything for standing for us, how can they do that?

SPEAKER_00 37:01

You could reach out, you could um help by volunteering, you could help by sponsoring, and not provide more information on our Instagram.

SPEAKER_01 37:13

Okay, and can you tell the folks out there what your Instagram is and how they can reach out to you if they wanted to help with Stand For Us and do anything? They wanted to donate some clothing and you know, another fashion show or anything, any help that they can do with this beautiful, wonderful organization that you've created here.

SPEAKER_00 37:34

Yes, you can pause on the Instagram, Stan for Us Court, and you'll see everything we've done so far. And if you want to reach out, DM us, contact us. I do need to be more proactive on social media. Everything is probably updated, but we do stuff, but I'm just I just gotta get more active on social media, but you can reach out on social media on Stanford Us Court.

SPEAKER_01 37:56

Thank you so much, darling. It is so beautiful. I am so proud of you. I'm so proud of us. You know, we're turning pain into purpose, and that is exactly what suit and boot is about. Uh, you know, you put everything back into your education. I put it in my clothing and you know, the internal thing along with the education. So I thank you for being here and standing up in truth and transformation, and we're here to break out of trauma, and we all have different coping mechanisms, and we all have different ways that we, you know, help each other and help ourselves. And thank you, Darlene Rodriguez, for being here with us and thank you for creating Stand for Us. My name is Tishai Wright, and this is Suit and Boot from Scorpion to Eagle to Phoenix, standing up in truth and transformation and breaking out of trauma. Thank you for joining me. Until next time. Thank you. Bye.