How Your Father Wound Is Costing You Money (Mine Cost Me $144,000)

What if your trauma isn’t just affecting your relationships… but your income?

In this episode of SUITT and Boot, Tshai Wright shares how her father wound showed up in business—and led to $144,000 in unpaid invoices. From over-delivering to non-paying clients to operating from fear, this episode breaks down how unhealed patterns cost you professionally and financially.

Because unhealed wounds don’t just hurt… they send you an invoice.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Let me ask you something. If you think your father wound or your trauma is only costing you in your personal life, in your personal relationships, I need you to take a look at your professional ones. Because this doesn't just show up in who you date. It shows up in how you work. Now let's go even deeper.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Is your work you?

SPEAKER_02 0:49

Is your identity tied to what you do for a job? Is your identity tied to what you produce? To how much you give? To how valuable you can prove yourself to be. Or are you using your work to avoid yourself?

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Because some of us are not driven. You are deflecting.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Deflecting from healing. Deflecting from the silence. Deflecting from sitting with what actually happened to you.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

So you overwork, you overperform. You overdeliver.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

You give yourself away and the world claps for you while you quietly bleed in places nobody sees.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

You protect that identity at all costs.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

Even if it means overextending yourself, undercharging, overgiving, and staying in spaces that do not honor you.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

So let me ask you this. How much are you willing to pay for an unhealed wound? How much? How much has it already cost you?

SPEAKER_02 5:11

And the real question, when are you gonna stop paying the price? And start doing the work to heal. Because whether you look at it or not, you are paying. Let me tell you something that might make you uncomfortable. Your trauma is expensive. Now, let's stand up in some truth transformation and break out of some traumas. Let's talk about finances and how the trauma is costing us. Let's get into it. Let's score finagle it. So let me be very clear. I didn't just have a father wound that showed up in my relationships. It did not just show up in my personal relationships. I had a father wound that showed up in my business.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

It shows up in your professional lives as well.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

Let me tell you how it cost me thousands. Now let me explain how this happened. And how it could be happening to you with a different number and a different emotional toll. When you have a father wound, you are conditioned to seek approval to prove your worth stay longer than you should. So in business, you overdeliver before you're paid. You keep working after they stop paying. Now, why would you do that? Why did I do that? Why did I make excuses instead of enforcing boundaries?

SPEAKER_00 9:53

And the entire time you're telling yourself they'll pay me. I don't want to lose a client.

SPEAKER_02 10:15

I just need to show them that I am valuable and I'm nice and I'm willing to give them what they need. And for some of you, there's another layer, a deep layer that motivates you, that prevents you from thinking about you. I don't want the client to call the barmy. It's a big fear that we have as professionals. Because there are clients who will not pay and still believe that they are entitled to control you. They're not paying you, but they want to have their grasps in you and threaten you. And they'll threaten to complain to the Florida Bar against you or complain to your professional organization against you, even though they haven't paid. Not because you did something wrong, not at all, but because you stopped overgiving them. You start to value yourself. They don't like that. And now you're not just thinking about money. You're thinking about your name, your license, your reputation, everything you built.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

And now you become a professional juggler.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

All these balls in the air. Trying to keep them calm and relaxed. They're irate. They're not getting what they want. And you have your paying clients who you're juggling because you must perform for them. You must be excellent for them. So you're juggling the courtroom. You're making sure you show up sharp, prepared, excellent. You're juggling expectations that everyone has. You're juggling energy, everybody else's energy. You're juggling the pressure to perform. And underneath all of it, you're juggling fear. Because now it's not just about doing your job, it is about holding everything together. Your income obligations, your standard of excellence, your identity. You are stretched thinner. Not because you're incapable, but because you are overextended in the wrong places. That is not business. That is survival. That is the scorpion. Yep, we're in survival mode all while we're doing this. Now, the scorpion is not wrong. It's your instincts. They're kicking in. It's what keeps you good. But those survival instincts also kept you stuck. Because survival says keep them. Don't upset them. Protect everything at all costs. Even when it's costing you a hundred and forty-four thousand dollars. This is where the shift happens. Because I had to ask myself, how do I score finagle my way out of this$144,000 haul? Work I already done. I did the work. This was not a front retainer. This was work already done. Trials already won. Hearings already won. People got what they wanted. How do I do that without losing myself completely? That was the dilemma. This is the challenge I had. The answer was not doing more work. The answer instead was seeing, observing my insights, my ego awareness had to step in. I had to step back and analyze this situation and see what I needed to do. Now the eagle forced me to see that I was giving energy to the wrong places. Just like in your relationships, I am performing for people who are not investing. Because they have nothing to lose. And I was carrying what was not mine to carry. Because if you don't pay an attorney to do the work, it's not my problem. And once I saw it, I had to choose differently. Now that is the Phoenix ignition, choosing differently, moving differently. And do you know what the Phoenix said? This costs too much. The price was too high. Firebone. So I stopped. I stopped working when payment stopped. Shifted my energy to the clients who valued it. I honored the spaces that honored me. Yes, that meant letting some things fall. Some of the balls of the juggler, they fell. And that is okay. Because what I gained was alignment. Because I was no longer juggling chaos. I was directing my path. That is the difference. When you integrate like a done organ. Because healing is not just awareness, it's behavior. It's moving differently when you see the pattern. It's not beating yourself up when you're owed$144,000. You're gonna say, How did I get here? If your behavior doesn't change, your results won't change. They won't change. Starts with you, it starts with me. It was tough, but let me bring you back to the original question I asked you in the beginning. How much are you willing to pay for an unhealed wound? Because for me, it's$44,000. It's not a made-up number. It is a literal when I went onto my billing program and see how much I was owing invoices. But the real cost was being out of alignment with myself. And once I saw it, I stopped paying for it. I stopped bleeding. I stopped throwing good money after bad money. Started making better investments, investment in myself. So I'll ask you one more time. How much has it cost you already? And how much more are you willing to pay? I'm Tashai Wright, and this is suit and boot. Standing up in truth, transformation, and breaking out of trauma. From scorpion to eagle to phoenix. When in doubt, scorpionigle it out. And join me next time where I talk about the mother wound and what that is costing you. Until next time.