S2 EP 9-You Thought It Was Love… Your Wounds Recognized Each Other | Father Wound vs Mother Wound

You thought it was chemistry.

You thought it was fate.

You thought you finally found “your person.”

But what happens when a woman with a father wound meets a man with a mother wound?

In Episode 9 of SUITT and Boot, Tshai Wright breaks down:

• the push-and-pull relationship dynamic,
• emotional chasing and withdrawal,
• trauma bonding,
• emotional addiction,
• survival patterns,
• and why familiar pain can feel like love.

Because sometimes…

you didn’t fall in love.

Your survival patterns recognized each other.

This episode explores:
🦂 Survival mode in relationships
🦅 Awareness vs healing
🔥 Emotional activation vs real intimacy

And how unresolved wounds silently shape the relationships we keep choosing.

Take the FREE Scorphenegle Survival Pattern Quiz:
➡️ scorphenegle.com

Join the Scorphenegle Switch Workshop:
“From Survival to Sovereignty”

Welcome to SUITT and Boot —
Standing Up In Truth, Transformation, and Breaking Out of Trauma.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You ever meet somebody and within days it feels like your nervous system already knows them.

SPEAKER_02 0:08

Not because they're healthy, not because they're safe, not because they're aligned, but because your wounds have met this energy before. You call it chemistry, you call it fate, you call it we just clicked.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

But sometimes your survival patterns recognized each other, and this all happened before your hearts did.

SPEAKER_00 1:19

And the dangerous part is familiarity can feel like we don't have to be back to Suit and Boot.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

Standing up in truth, transformation, and breaking out of trauma. Now, we just did two Scorfinagle workshops. Right? We did the two Scorfinagle Switch workshop, and um, you can find those live on on demand, live streaming, and you can get them on the website at Scorfinagle.com. That is Scorfinagel.com. Um, it's right here, right? And I also did uh two workshops, and they're two unique workshops, and you know, the workshop wasn't just people sitting there. You know, we played games, we did things, and it was very, it's very interesting, it's very, you know, eye-opening. I realized some things while I was doing the workshop. We have had some people in the workshop, they DM'd me and told me how exciting and how fun it was. So, you know, they've also told me that it wasn't personality, it was survival, and how survival can wear a beautiful outfit, right? I've been talking about a lot in the workshop how survival can wear a suit, how survival can wear makeup, and how survival can have degrees. You can be surviving in your relationships, your marriage, anything, you're in survival mode, and sometimes it looks like you're successful, but underneath that success, we're in survival mode, we're still reacting, and then sometimes we can think that we're aware because we think that once we're aware, that awareness is going to just magically make make us heal. But awareness alone doesn't heal. Awareness is only half the battle, and I talked about that, and we're talked about that in the uh workshop as well, and you know, we took we talked about a lot of things now. We have been talking about relationships, mother wounds, father wounds, and what happens when a woman with a father wound meets a man with a mother wound. That's what we're gonna talk about tonight. Here we're gonna link them together because honey, baby, whoo. That combination right there, that's a doozy. That'll have everybody writing some poetry, crying in the park, blocking each other on social media, okay? So let me tell you, and then unblocking again. Okay, so it's a serious thing. This mother wound, father wound dynamic, right? I'm telling you, we'll have you listening to Jasmine Sullivan at two o'clock in the morning talking about twin flames.

SPEAKER_02 5:28

And meanwhile, your nervous systems are in a hostage negotiation. Like, you know, you felt it before.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Now, the father wound. Let's start here. Because I discussed that, you know, in my other episodes uh where I talk about the father wound. Now, father wound does not always mean that your father physically left. I grew up my entire life living with my father. Sometimes your father stays and you still have a wound, but he's emotionally unavailable, he's distant, maybe even critical. Mine wasn't, but sometimes that can happen. Cold, mine wasn't, but you know, could be unpredictable. Oh yeah, I felt that. Or maybe you spent your life trying to earn validation from a man who could never emotionally see you.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

So now you grow up and you become highly functioning. You're just hyperindependent, you're so strong, you're very productive, you're reliable. You become the woman everybody depends on. The woman who can carry everything.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Let me tell you something. You get a lot of praises for it. So you're gonna keep doing it because you're getting a tap on the shoulder, you're getting good job to shine.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

But here's the clincher. Nobody asks why you learned to know so much in the first place. You didn't become strong because life inspired you. No, you became strong because survival recruited you. So now in relationships, you overgive, over explain, overcompensate, overstay, over become you become the ride or die chick or the ride or die guy.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Not because it's healthy, but because somewhere deep, deep inside, you think love must be earned. You think if you love hard enough if you understand enough sacrifice enough, then eventually somebody will choose you fully.

SPEAKER_02 9:59

And that's where the danger begins. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Now, let me talk let's talk about the mother wound in men. We spoke about this last time, right? On the last episode. And if you haven't watched that yet, go back and watch that episode. Now, the men, huh? The men with the mother wounds are deeply misunderstood.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

People think a mother wound means oh his mom was terrible. No, absolutely not negative ghostwriter. Sometimes she loved him too deeply, sometimes too deeply. And sometime he became emotionally responsible for her. Sometimes he had to become the man too early. Sometimes his emotions had to orbit, circling around hers. And sometimes love became obligation, performance, caretaking, emotional labor, reading the room, scanning everything, keeping the peace. So now he becomes a man who wants love, but intimacy feels very heavy. Exhausting.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

He wants connection until the connection comes to him. Then suddenly he needs space because closeness starts activating that pressure, the responsibility, the expectations Emotional Demand. And you know what? He doesn't even realize why he's running from you. Yeah? Now picture this.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

This is where the movie begins. The woman with the father wound, the man with the mother wound and the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 13:41

A beautiful love story. The chemistry is insane. The talking all night The deep conversations The I've never opened up like this before the you just understand me.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

You get me.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

The where have you been all my life because wounded people often feel deeply steamed by wounded people. Why? Because familiar feels safe. Even when familiar hurts.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

Now you said I've known him forever. Your nervous system says I've survived this before. She wants reassurance. He feels pressure.

SPEAKER_02 15:46

So he pulls back. She feels abandoned. So he reaches harder, so she reaches in harder.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

Now he's overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

So he pulls further away. What a sinting.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

She starts overthinking, analyzing, questioning, chasing clarity. Talk to me. What's wrong? Are you okay?

SPEAKER_02 16:33

And now both people are activated. And what do we get once we get that activation? There's a push and a pull. And a push and a pull. Relationship cardio. At its finest. We're burning calories here, boo-boo. And we're going nowhere. It's exhausting. It's really exhausting.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

And how do I know? I lived it.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

And honestly, looking back at my own marriage. I see it so clearly now. And I couldn't see it then. Isn't that funny? I had a father wound. I'm trying to heal.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

I wanted connection, security, safety, protection, partnership, consistency. I wanted emotional safety. I said that already, because it's important. And because of my patterns, I overfunctioned. I carried things. I stayed too long. I held things together.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

I worked harder. I loved harder. I tried harder.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

I thought if I just give enough, eventually there would be a reward at the end of the dance. Let's do the tango.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

Meanwhile, he had wounds too.

SPEAKER_01 19:08

And what happens in these situations?

SPEAKER_02 19:13

In these relationships, nobody realizes they're showing up with emotional baggage.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

I mean, honestly, I said baggage, but it's really luggage, right? And it's matching. It's a set. One for me, one for you.

SPEAKER_02 19:45

And nobody checked them at the door sometimes. Sometimes you're you're not arguing with your partner.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

You're arguing with wounds that existed before you met each other.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

Isn't that ironic?

SPEAKER_01 20:27

And what we don't realize is we're in the middle of the dance, especially when we're in it. Now, what is activation versus love? And this is the part people don't want to hear.

SPEAKER_02 20:44

I didn't want to hear it for sure.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

Sometimes what you call passion is activation.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

Sometimes what you call chemistry, wait for it. It's anxiety.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

Oh yeah. Sometimes what you call love is survival trying to recreate something familiar. You know those butterflies, they're not always romance. Sometimes your nervous system is sounding an alarm beep beep. And because the relationship has highs and lows, your brain.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Mistakes intensity for depth. So now the relationship becomes addictive. The push and the pull becomes addictive.

SPEAKER_01 22:26

You want it, you're yearning for it.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

The inconsistency becomes addictive. The emotional chase is like a drug. And now you're exhausted and calling it love. Now, hmm, are you tired yet? I certainly was.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

And you know, some of this is what we started to unpack in the Scorfinagle Switch workshop. We were trying to take back our rein. That's the goal. Because we have to go through the sections. And one of the biggest realizations people had in the workshop was this.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

I thought this was just who I was.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

They thought it was their personality. So did I. For years and years and years I did it because I was with my high school sweetheart. But no, baby, that's not your personality. Those are survival patterns. Adaptation. A protective system. Ways your mind learn to survive environments that did not suit you. That's why I created Scorfinagle. And essentially, if you ask me, I didn't really create Scorfinagel. Scorfinagle created me. Because I kept on trying to heal behavior without understanding the pattern.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

I lived my life weaving through it. But what is underneath the behavior? What's there?

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Now let me tell you what scorponagle is. Scorphanagle asks you which part of you is driving, which part of you is moving you, which part of you is propelling you through life? Is it your scorpion protection, which is your survival mode, your control, your holding on, your fear of loss? That's your scorpion survival, right? Or is it your ego that's driving you? Your awareness. And remember, what did G.I. Joe says, now you know, but knowing is half the battle, right? When you're observing, when you're overthinking, when you're analyzing everything, and there's a red flag, but you're still staying. So is your ego driving you? Or is it your phoenix? Your transformation? Do you want to change? Is it your intensity? Your emotional combustion? Are you trying to save everything?

SPEAKER_02 26:41

Fix everything. Resurrect everything. And here's the problem. Most people think awareness is healing. It's not. As I said, it is only the beginning. It is half the battle. Gia Joe said it best. But awareness without movement?

SPEAKER_01 27:42

That's just another survival mode. That's just suffering with subtitles. That's just you know you're suffering, boo boo. You got the answer? No, not yet. You just know what you're going through.

SPEAKER_02 27:57

What you gonna do about it?

SPEAKER_01 28:03

Your relationship may not be broken, but your patterns may be running it. And until you identify the pattern, you'll keep confusing survival for love.

SPEAKER_02 28:32

You'll keep calling anxiety chemistry.

SPEAKER_01 28:36

You'll keep calling family familiar destiny. You'll keep calling familiar destiny. And maybe for the first time it's time to stop asking. Why do I keep attracting this? And the better question is, what part of me keeps choosing familiar pain? Because the healing is not just becoming aware. Healing is making a different choice when your survival pattern wants the old familiar.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

That old familiar feeling.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Do you want to know what pattern you're in or what your survival pattern is? Take the free quiz at scorfinagle.com. And let me just tell you, it is time for you to find out whether you're operating through instincts, insight, or ignition. And if you're ready to go deeper, join us for the next Scorfinagle Switch Workshop. Go to Scorfinagle.com and then click on the Scorfinagle Switch Workshop. From survival to sovereignty. Because you cannot break a chain you refuse to see. I'm Tishai Wright, and this is suit and boot. Standing up in truth, transformation, and breaking out of trauma. From scorpion to eagle to Phoenix, where we score finagle.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

Thank you. Until next time. Take back your rien, take back your rien, break every chin.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

It's time.