The Bus Isn't Coming: Stop Waiting for Their Approval

Some of us are still sitting at a bus stop waiting for something that may never arrive.

A father's approval.
 A mother's validation.
 An ex's apology.
 A family's acknowledgment.

But healing doesn't begin when they finally show up.

Healing begins when you realize the bus isn't coming.

In this episode, Tshai Wright explores how the pursuit of approval can quietly keep us trapped in survival mode long after we understand our wounds. Using the Scorphenegle Framework—Instincts, Insight, and Ignition—she challenges listeners to stop living in reaction to the past and start moving intentionally toward the future they want to create.

Because taking back your reign isn't about rebellion.

It's about autonomy.

It's about choosing your life, your path, and your destination—even when the apology never comes.

From Scorpion to Eagle to Phoenix, this is SUITT & BOOT—standing up in truth, transformation, and breaking out of trauma. 🔥🦂🦅🔥

#TakeBackYourReign #Scorpheneagle #SUITTandBOOT #SurvivalToSovereignty #TraumaHealing #PersonalTransformation

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Some of y'all are sitting at a bus stop and the bus ain't comin'. Matter of fact, the route got canceled years ago. But you're still sitting there, still checking, still hoping, still looking down the road. Waiting for dad to finally understand. Waiting for mom to finally acknowledge it. You're waiting for your ex to finally tell the truth. Waiting for your family to finally get it. You're waiting for somebody to finally look at you and say, You were right. I'm sorry. I should have done better.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

I should have protected you. I should have chosen you.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

And honey, while you've been sitting at the bus stop, life kept moving. Your joy moved. Your opportunities moved. Your peace moved. Your purpose moved. Because you've convinced yourself that healing starts when they finally show up. No booboo. Healing starts when you realize the bus isn't coming. And that's what we're talking about tonight. Welcome back to Suit and Boot. I'm Tishai Wright. At Suit and Boot, we suit up, boot out, and take back our reign using the Scorpionagle framework. Because this isn't just a podcast, it's a journey from survival to sovereignty, where we stand up in truth, transformation, and break out of trauma. And tonight I want to ask you a question. If you're still waiting for someone else's approval, whose life are you living? Now let's talk about it. You see, I think some of us misunderstand healing. We think healing means understanding what happened. We think healing means identifying the wound. We think it means knowing our patterns. But we've already done that this season. We've talked about the father wound. We talked about the mother wound. We talked about survival patterns. We've talked about red flags. We've talked about why you stayed. So now I want to ask you a different question. Now what? You know what happened. Now what? Because if you're still waiting for dad to finally see you, then dad is still running your life. And what happens? Because they're not gonna change. Not when they understand, not when they get it, not when they wake up one day and suddenly become the parent you needed, the spouse you needed, the friend you needed. Sovereignty begins when you ask, what am I going to do if they never become who I need them to be? Now that's a hard question because a lot of us are emotionally invested in possibility. We're invested in hope. We're invested in fantasy. We're invested in the idea that one day they'll finally get it. One day dad is gonna call. One day mom is going to understand, and one day the ex is gonna tell the truth. One day my family is gonna see what happened. One day something is going to validate my experience. Maybe, maybe not. But here's the problem. If your entire future depends on maybe, then you've handed somebody else your rein. Now let's talk about what this means. Because people hear that phrase and they think it's motivational. It's not. It's very, very practical. Taking back your reign means asking who's driving my decisions. Am I making this decision because I want it? Or because I'm trying to prove something? Am I building this business because I love it? Or because I want somebody to finally say they're proud of me? Am I staying in this relationship because I love this person or because I'm trying to win a battle from twenty years ago? Am I avoiding this opportunity because I'm afraid of failure? Or because somebody else's voice is still living rent-free in my head? You know what that's like. You see, taking back your reign means examining your motives, the why. Because if your motive is still approval, you're not free. The opposite is still in control. Now, this is something I had to learn. Sometimes we think we're free because we're doing the opposite. For example, my mother did this, so I'm doing the opposite. My father believed this, so I'm doing the opposite. My family handled things this way, so I'm doing the opposite. But let me ask you something. If you're doing the opposite of what they want, who's still making the decision? You or them? But of course they are. They're still driving, they're still determining the direction. You're just reacting. That's survival mode. It's still survival mode. And reaction is not sovereignty. Choice is sovereignty. That's why the taking back your reign in scorf and nagel. It's not about rebellion. It's not about, you know, the people rebelling from the king and the queen. No, it's about alignment, it's about you knowing yourself, it's about you knowing where you want to go and making that choice and taking back the reins from somebody else. Now, your instincts, your insight, your ignition all moving forward in the same destination. Your instincts recognize the wound. It does. Your insight understands the wound. Your ignition moves beyond the wound. But if your destination is still approval, validation, or revenge, you're still stuck.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

They're still driving you. You're just stuck with a better vocabulary.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

You can go to therapy, you can read books, you can even listen to a podcast, you can take workshops, you can understand attachment styles, you can understand trauma responses, you can understand the father wound, the mother wound, blah, blah, blah, and still be moving toward the same destination. Approval, validation, recognition, see me. Honey, I was the whole time I was saying, choose me, love me, pick me, and that is not freedom. It wasn't for me. That's a different version of the same cage, the same chains, the same shackles.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Even though the scorpion wants justice, sometimes justice is a little girl saying, see me.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

Sometimes it's a little boy saying, need me. Sometimes it is tell me I mattered. Tell me I was enough. Tell me you were wrong. The scorpion keeps returning to the scene of the injury. Because it believes there's something there it still needs. The eagle does understand, and I'm telling you, this is our awareness mode, but sometimes we get stuck there. You know, we get stuck in awareness, we get stuck in observation, but we're not the finisher, right? The eagle identifies the prison, but you can still be stuck in the prison. The eagle doesn't fly out of the prison, it just knows it's in a prison. Okay? Now, the phoenix, the phoenix asks a different question. Not why did this happen? Not who, why didn't they choose me? Not why didn't they love me? The phoenix asks, what am I building now? What am I creating now? Who am I becoming now? The Phoenix is future focused. Not because the past doesn't matter, but because the future deserves attention too.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

And this is where Scorfinago becomes different. Let me do the deep analysis in Scorfinego, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:07

So this is where we're going with it.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

And let me tell you, honey, we were hurt.

SPEAKER_02 11:19

I understand what happens, but the Phoenix says, I'm gonna choose my own path. I'm gonna choose what I'm gonna listen to my scorpion and I'm gonna listen to what my eagle said. You know, I feel it, the scorpion says. I see it, the eagle says. And then the Phoenix says, Let's do it. That's why all three of them have to be working together. They all have to be working in conjunction. Baby, the apology is not coming. If you're still waiting for your apologize, then your ex is still running your life. You're not living in sovereignty. And that's not what taking back your reign is about. That's handing it away on a silver platter. Now, let me tell you about me. As a little girl, I wanted to be seen, but I didn't say that. I entered competitions, I did things, I you know, I achieved, I performed, I accomplished. And a part of me was saying, see me, see me, be proud of me.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Tell me I matter, tell me I am enough.

SPEAKER_02 12:48

Now, maybe my daddy's proud of me, maybe my mommy's even proud of me, or maybe they weren't. I don't know, because that's not the point anymore. Because at some point I had to ask myself, how long am I going to wait for them to tell me that? How many accomplishments are enough? How many degrees are enough? How many successes are enough? How many trophies are enough? Because if I keep living my life trying to earn somebody else's validation, then I'm not living my life.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

I'm living in reaction to theirs. Now, this is where people misunderstand scorpion ego.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Now, let me just tell you about it. The scorpion wants her justice. But let's be honest. Sometimes the scorpion doesn't just want justice. The scorpion wants acknowledgement. The scorpion wants validation. The scorpion wants someone to finally say, I see what happened, I see your pain, I see your effort, I see your worth. And when the scorpion gets stuck, it keeps reopening the wound.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

You can't heal like that. It keeps replaying the story, it keeps relitigating the case. And then the ego comes along and says, wait a minute, whoa, whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

I see the pattern. I understand the wound. I understand why I keep choosing this. I understand why I keep chasing this. I understand why I'm reacting the way I'm reacting. That's beautiful. That's wonderful. But awareness isn't a destination, it's the map. Because then comes the phoenix, and honey, let me just tell you, this is where most of us get stuck. Right? We get stuck because the phoenix says, okay, now where are we going with this? What's the goal? Because if the goal is still getting daddy's approval, you're stuck. If it's the X and getting the apology, ooh, Lottie Lottie, be even more stuck. Because the Phoenix says, What am I building now? What am I moving towards? And let me just tell you, we could be moving and doing something, but we're not moving towards our goal. But what life am I creating now? And that's what why integration matters, okay? Because your instincts, your insight, and your ignition must move towards the same destination. And some of us, we are at the bus station, but we don't know where we're going. We don't, we're not taking back our reign. Otherwise, you know, we spend our entire life moving. But what are we moving towards? Are we moving towards somebody else's goal? And that's what so many of us do. We spend our whole lives trying to win approval from people who may never give it.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Now, here's the hard truth. Some people don't have the capacity.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

Some daddies don't have the capacity to be proud or say we're proud. Some mothers don't have it either. Some exes, they're not, they don't have it. It's not there. Some people are never going to become who you need them to be. Not because you're not worthy, but because they are limited. And if you're waiting for a limited person to unlock your freedom, you're going to stay stuck. Because how can a person who is limited, how can a person who is stuck know that they can give you what you want? They can't give you what you want. So here's the thing: what I chose, I'm daddy's little girl no more because I'm not looking for his approval. And let me tell you, men, mommy's little superman, you cannot be that anymore. You gotta close up these mother wounds. You can't be chasing approval. You can't be chasing validation anymore. No more chasing apologies. We're taking back our rain. Because scorpionagesn't about proving yourself. It's about knowing that we ain't getting the apology, boo-boo. It ain't coming. It's about no longer needing it to move forward. That's survival becoming sovereignty. That's suit and boot, that's standing up in your truth and your transformation and taking back your reign. Right? Because if you look back on it and you look back on the entire situation, if you are still waiting for mommy to love you, if you're still waiting for daddy to love you and approve you and say you did a great job, you're still stuck. You're not following your path, you're following theirs. Okay, now let's go back and look briefly at how when I had a daddy wound, how I was chasing men. I was in the push and pull dance with my relationship with my ex-husband. I wanted him to save me, to be my protector, to be fulfilling in that daddy wound. And let me tell you, he had his mommy wound that he was running away from me every time he was looking for that love. This is what he wanted, you know. He wants someone to love him, to say he did a great job, to say, oh, you're my little superhero, you're superman. But that's never going to happen. You're going to be chasing that dream. You're going to be waiting forever if you're waiting for mommy and daddy. If you're chasing their love, if you're chasing their opportunities and their abilities. Now, let's go back to the little girl, the little scorpion girl in my cell that was accomplishing everything. I had to come to the understanding that daddy's approval was never going to come. I had to get to understand that if I stand here waiting for it, waiting for the love, waiting to be chosen by daddy, I was gonna be sitting like I'm at a bus stop and I would never get to my destination because I'm waiting for bus route number 32 and it ain't coming. Daddy ain't on that bus. He's never gonna tell me, hey honey, Tishai, I'm proud of you. Tashy, you did a good job. Tashai doing score finego, I am proud of you. You know why? I'm breaking a chain. I'm living differently than they chose to live. Our goals are not lining up. My instincts and my daddy's instincts are not the same. My insights and my daddy's insights are not the same. Therefore, my Phoenix ignition and my daddy's phoenix ignition cannot be the same. We will not be moving towards the same goal. He knows what he wants from me, and I know what I want from me. Sometimes the two are never the same. So what does it mean to take back your reign? If you have to live in your autonomy, your instincts, your insights have to be lining up. And let me tell you something. We might think that once we're doing the opposite of what mommy and daddy are doing, then we're also moving towards our goal. No, baby. It's the same thing. If I'm sitting here saying, you know what, I saw my mommy be nasty and I see her speak to daddy this way, I am going to be soft and smooth and sweet with my husband. You're losing yourself in that scenario, right? Because you're not even thinking about what you want. You're only thinking about not lashing out like your mommy lashed out. Now, are in that scenario, are you working towards your goal of having a great relationship, a good marriage, working with your partner? No, you're just trying to be the opposite. You're trying to be sweet. Let me give you another scenario if you're working towards somebody else's goal. Let's say, for example, I'm an attorney, right? Not an example, I am. Okay. And so I, a lot of these scenarios, I don't want to be seen as the angry black woman. I don't want to be yelling and screaming. There's some things that you need to address. But because I don't want to be seen as the angry black woman, I'll let it slide.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

I'll let it go.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

I am not working towards my goal in that scenario. If I am seen as the angry black woman, that's the person's interpretation. That's not my goal. My goal is to get accomplished what I need to get accomplished. And sometimes you need to assert your boundaries in order to get it. And when you're asserting your boundaries, sometimes it might look like you're being a bitch. It's not my goal, but sometimes it can look like that. Now, let me just say this. All three things coming together and forming what you want. And honey, if you are sitting there waiting for an apology, you ain't gonna get it. You're work, you're not still not working towards your goal. Because let me tell you, they did you wrong. They did abandon you, they did hurt you, they did dismiss you. And you deserve an apology. But don't you deserve to move forward in your life in what you want? Or are you gonna be stuck waiting for the apology that's not coming? Are you at the bus stop waiting for the bus to nowhere?

SPEAKER_01 25:24

Awareness alone is not enough. We need to move to ignition.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

This has been suit and boot, standing up in truth, transformation, and breaking out of trauma, where we go from scorpion to eagle to phoenix in the Scorpionaga framework. Because taking back your reign is more than just sitting down and putting on a crown and saying I'm a king or a queen. It is going by your autonomy, doing things your way, the way you choose to do them. That is taking back your reign. And that is breaking when you're breaking the patterns, your trauma, your generational cycles, you have to be aware. Oh, yes, awareness is important. But you must know that you are moving towards your goal. Until next time, I am Tishai Right, and this has been Suit and Boot.

SPEAKER_01 26:33

Thank you for joining me.