S2 EP 12- You Are Not Your Trauma: Who Are You Without the Wound?

What happens when the trauma is no longer your identity?

In the Season 2 finale of SUITT & BOOT, Tshai Wright, Esq. explores how many of us unknowingly build our identities around wounds from our past—father wounds, mother wounds, betrayal, abandonment, rejection, divorce, and other painful experiences.

Over time, survival strategies become habits. Habits become personalities. Personalities become identities.

But who are you underneath all of that?

Drawing from her own experiences with divorce, family wounds, burnout, betrayal, and personal transformation, Tshai challenges listeners to examine whether their wounds are still driving their decisions, relationships, opportunities, and future.

Through the Scorphenegle Framework—Scorpion (Instincts), Eagle (Insight), and Phoenix (Ignition)—this episode explores how awareness is only the beginning. Real healing requires action.

If you've ever struggled with:

• People-pleasing
• Hypervigilance
• Fear of abandonment
• Seeking approval
• Repeating unhealthy relationship patterns
• Living according to someone else's expectations

This episode is for you.

The goal isn't to erase your story.

The goal is to stop letting your story become your prison.

Take the FREE Scorphenegle Quiz:
https://scorphenegle.com

Until next time...

Suit Up.
Boot Out.
Take Back Your Reign.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Let me ask you a question and don't answer too fast because some of y'all, when posed a question, you answer too fast. You ever notice that whenever somebody asks you who you are, you immediately start by telling them about what happened to you. Think about it. Who are you? Then your response, well, my father wasn't around. My mother was controlling. I was bullied. I was abandoned. I went through heartbreak. I went through trauma.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

Okay, but that's what happened to you. That wasn't the question.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

The question was who are you? See, some of us have spent so much time carrying the wound that we don't know where the wound ends and where we begin. We've become roommates with our trauma. Matter of fact, some of us have given the trauma a key. It's got its own room. It's living rent free in your head. It's got its own closet. It's got its own parking space. It's even got its own seat at Thanksgiving dinner. Every decision gets run through trauma first.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

If trauma says left, you go left. If trauma says don't trust them, you don't trust them. Now, if trauma says stay, what do you think you do? Yes stay in the situation. And honey, when trauma says run, you run.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Trauma says prove yourself, and you're out here collecting degrees, you're collecting jobs, relationships, achievements, and gold stars. You're trying to fill a hole that was never asking for a trophy. Here's the crazy part: most people don't even realize they're doing it.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Because when you've worn armor long enough, you start thinking that the armor is your skin.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

You forget that it was ever something you put on. And honey, let me tell you something. I know a little bit about armor.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

Divorce.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Betrayal, abandonment, burnout, hypervigilance, overfunctioning, family drama, all sorts of wounds.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

Father wounds, mommy wounds.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Honey, I got enough plot twist to keep Netflix employed for about three or four seasons. But at some point, I had to ask myself a question. That question wasn't why did this happen? No.

SPEAKER_02 4:33

It was not who hurt me. It was not who owed me an apology. No. But the question was, who was I if none of those things happened?

SPEAKER_01 4:55

And baby, that question, it changed everything. I'm Tashai Wright. I'm your host. Here at Suit and Boot, we suit up, boot out, and take back our reign using the Scorpionagel framework. If you've been listening to the podcast, you all know that we've been talking about family wounds, uh, daddy wounds, and one of the hardest questions we're gonna ask tonight who are you without the wounds?

unknown 6:34

Right?

SPEAKER_01 6:35

So this season we've talked about the father wound, we've talked about mother wound, we've talked about red flags, we've talked about why we stayed after you saw the red flags, and then we also talked about how we're waiting for an apology, we're waiting for a bus, we're sitting there waiting for people to apologize to us, and the bus isn't coming. That apology isn't coming, so we're gonna sit there at a stop, waiting, we're stuck, and that's just a metaphor for being stuck waiting for approval. Bus isn't coming just like the apology isn't coming. But now we've arrived at the real question, and that is what happens if all of that disappeared and none of that ever happened to us. What if all of that disappeared tomorrow? Who would we be? Would we be able to identify ourselves? Would we be able to function? Because once that is all stripped from you, the blame and everything is stripped from you.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

Because essentially, the wound becomes your identity, and nobody starts out wanting to become their wound.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

It happens gradually. For example, it's the child who had to read the room. That child becomes hyper-vigilant. The child becomes the child who wasn't protected becomes controlling. The child who had to earn love becomes a people pleaser. Child who felt invisible becomes an overachiever.

SPEAKER_02 8:49

This girl right here.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

The child who was abandoned becomes terrified of being alone. And there are different ways to be abandoned. Abandonment could be physical or emotional abandonment. First, let's survive, and then after a while, we do it so many times that it becomes a habit. And then it becomes our personality, and then it becomes our identity. Eventually, you don't know where your coping mechanism ends and where you begin. So a lot of people have gone through divorce, and I could have used that as my label, but I did not let that become I was a divorce woman. When I had cancer, I could have become the cancer survivor, right? But yes, those things happened to me, but that's not who I was. When I discovered generational patterns in my family, I could have become the wounded daughter. Don't get me wrong, those things happened. They are part of my story, but they are not my identity. Because if I build my identity around what happened to me, then the wound is still in charge. The wound is still driving the bus, and I'm still waiting at the bus station for the apology. The wound is still making the decisions.

SPEAKER_02 10:35

The wound is still choosing the relationships that I have, that you have. The wound is still choosing your opportunity.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

The wound is still choosing my future. Honey, I did not come this far to let these wounds be the CEO. People are noticing the background in my workshop, right? They ask the question. They're like, hmm, it looks dark, and you see blurred words in my workshop, words floating around like hypervigilance, betrayal, chaos, abandonment, fear, rejection. And people might wonder why isn't it sunshine and rainbows? Why isn't it butterflies?

SPEAKER_02 11:45

Why isn't it pink and gold?

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Why isn't it motivational quotes? Because trauma doesn't feel like butterflies.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Trauma echoes. Trauma lingers in the background.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

It sits in our conversation, it lives in our body, in our personalities, in the choices that we make, in the relationships, in the opportunities, in our parenting styles, in our communication skills, in our business, in our life. So let me just tell you why I don't make it all roses. Because the answer isn't pretending that this didn't happen. The answer is facing these traumas, realizing them, being aware of them, and looking directly in their face and saying, I see you.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

But you don't drive anymore. I am taking the steering wheel.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

Now, let me just tell you about Scorfinago because this is not a personality test, and this is where people misunderstand Scorfinago. This is where you know people kind of like, uh I'm iffy about it. What's going on? It's not about putting you in a box. That's what uh has been happening to us for a long time. It isn't congratulation. You're inside. That's the end. No, the quiz isn't the destination, the quiz is the mirror. The quiz at scorfinages.com shows you where you naturally start. You could be in instincts, you could be insights, you could be in niction. But after identifying it, then comes the work, then comes the movement. Because score finagle is not about being perfect. You have to do the right thing for you. You have to do the thing that propels you. Because instincts, the scorpion says something is off. I feel it. And then the eagle says, You're questioning it, you're cross-examining your feelings a little bit to see, okay, does this make sense? Am I being too sensitive? And not by anybody's standards, by your standards. And then the Phoenix says, Let me move and by listening to the scorpion and the eagle, because we've already assessed the situation. Now, we're in the part of ignition because this season has been largely about insight. We've been identifying patterns, we've been connecting the dots, putting them together and seeing what was always there. Now comes the work. Now comes the Phoenix ignition. Now comes the hardest part. This is the part that people get stuck in. Because we're all moving, we're all doing things, we're all being propelled, but what direction are we being propelled in? The question now becomes: what am I going to be doing differently? Who am I becoming? What choices belong to me?

SPEAKER_02 16:21

What dreams belong to me?

SPEAKER_01 16:25

Did I choose to be a lawyer? Did you choose to be a doctor? Did you choose to be a teacher? Or were you just trying to prove something? What life belongs to you? And was it your choice? And it's not too late to find out. It's not my mother's choice, it's not my father's decision, it's not my ex's, it's not my boss's decision, and more importantly, it is not my trauma leading me where it wants to go. It is my autonomous decision. That's why taking back your reign is so important. And tonight I want to ask and leave you with a final question. And I don't want you to answer it quickly. Think about it, sit with it, journal on it.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

Think about it. Use your insight here. Pray about it if that's what you do. Now, here's the question.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

What if tomorrow morning you woke up and the wound was no longer running your life?

SPEAKER_02 17:43

Who would you be? What would you do? What would you stop tolerating? And what would you start pursuing? What would change?

SPEAKER_01 18:17

Because the goal isn't to erase your story or what happened to you. No, the goal is to stop letting your story become your identity, becoming who you are. It's time to not let your story be your prison. The goal is sovereignty. The goal is autonomy. The goal is to become whole, is to be have your scorpion, your eagle, and your phoenix working together to accomplish what you want and to take back your reign. The goal is not to go from scorpion, then to eagle, then to phoenix. The goal is to go from scorpion to eagle to phoenix in your journey, in your decision making. And to score for an eagle. Now, if this episode resonated with you, take the free quiz and discover whether you naturally lead through instincts, insight, or ignition.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

Find out what's fueling you, what's leading you.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Because your journey from survival to sovereignty starts with understanding the lens that you've been looking through all along. Till next time, I'm Tishai Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

And suit up, boot out, and take back your rein. This episode might hit you harder than episode eleven.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

Because episode eleven asks whose life are you living?

SPEAKER_02 20:27

While episode twelve asks the deeper question if you stop being the wound, who do you become?