被忽視、被輕視、被冷待——問題唔係別人，係你未改變呢一樣嘢《別人怎麼對你，都因為你說的話》

說話讓人舒服的程度，
　　決定你所能抵達的高度。
 
　　《別人怎麼對你，都是你教的》暢銷作家、實用心理學大師黃啟團最強力作！
　　10萬學員親身驗證 × 20年教學經驗，教你用「溝通力」翻轉人生！
　　當當網100％好評，讀者狂讚：學會說話走遍天下都不怕！
 
　　為人正直是優點，但說話太直就是缺點。
　　沒有人願意親吻批評自己的嘴唇，
　　只有懂得好好說話，
　　人生才能走得更高更遠。
 
　　同樣的情境，不同的回應，
　　怎麼說，比較能打動人心？
 
　　小男孩在公園遊玩摔倒：
　　媽媽A：沒事吧？一定很痛吧！
　　媽媽B：男孩子不要哭，堅強一點！
 
　　一個女生跟朋友抱怨公司加班：
　　朋友A：週末要好好休息喔。
　　朋友B：你不會換個工作嗎？
 
　　妻子跟丈夫分享自己朋友家換了新車：
　　丈夫A：你喜歡那輛車嗎？我們也考慮換一輛？
　　丈夫B：你這個人怎麼這麼虛榮！
 
　　語言如同刀劍，既能成就人，亦能傷人。有時候無心的一句話，甚至足以改變一個人的命運。話每個人都會說，但究竟該「怎麼說」，才能為我們的人生發揮最大的助益呢？
 
　　會說話的人字字珠璣、直達人心，不靠虛浮的話術，而是洞悉真實的人性。我們總想靠著語言改變他人，但卻忘了每個人的固執，都藏著一段無法磨滅的人生履歷；每個人的一言一行，都包含著自己對世界的理解，若能夠掌握對方根深蒂固的認知邏輯，只要簡單的幾句話，就能輕鬆改變一個人。
 
 
作者介紹
 
黃啟團
 
　　資深心理學導師、企業家，同時也是中國知名圖書網站「當當網」的暢銷作家，朋友和學員都稱他為「團長」。二十多年來他專注於應用心理學教育，將心理學理論成功運用於企業管理、家庭、婚姻、親子教育等領域，投資創建中國最大的心理學網站「壹心理」，擁有超過兩千萬用戶，用有趣、有愛、實用的表達方式為社會、組織以及個人提供有價值的心理學服務。著有大眾心理學讀物《別人怎麼對你，都是你教的》、《別人怎麼賺錢，是你不會的》、《圈層突破》等書。
 
　　《別人怎麼對你，都因為你說的話》是他融合心理學專業、近一萬小時諮詢經驗的精華代表作，幫助我們洞悉負面語言的陷阱，破除思想深處的限制框架，進而解決日常常見的矛盾衝突，贏得身邊所有人的喜愛。黃啟團：「願你從今天開始你能掌握語言的藝術，不再一味去抱怨、指責身邊的人，他們變成今天這樣，有你的一份功勞。如果你希望他變得更好，從改變你說話的方式開始。」
 
目錄
第一章 改變人生，從改變說話習慣開始
 
1.別拿「性子直」欺騙自己，你只是不會說話罷了
2.你想改變別人？那需要足夠的智慧
3.「發光體」還是「黑洞」？ 
4.對事還是對人？
5.樂觀者還是悲觀者？
6.如何讓人喜歡你？
 
第二章 語言框架：是什麼限制了你的人生
 
1.世界無限，除非你自我設限
2.貧窮限制了你的想像力，還是想像力讓你貧窮？
3.三種限制性語言：無助、無望、無價值
4.設框：別人怎麼對你，都是你教的
5. Yes Set：你的人生很可能是別人設定的結果
6. SCORE模式：這樣聊天，打開一個全新世界
7.強有力的問題發生器：改變格局和高度的語言模式
 
第三章 換框和破框：如何跳出囚禁你的牢籠？
 
1.環境換框：改變場景，改變價值
2.意義換框：如何改變人的感受和行動
3.破框：人在框內，叫囚；人在框外，就是自由
 
第四章 語言歸類法：智慧語言模式
 
1.語言是一種能夠改寫歷史的力量
2.上歸類：與持不同觀點的人達成共識
3.下歸類：找出問題癥結，讓問題迎刃而解
4.橫歸類：提升自己的創意能力
5.智慧語言模式：高情商的語言技巧
 
第五章 催眠語法：繞過你的防衛，給潛意識下指令
 
1.一句話足以改變一個人的命運
2.猜臆：讀心術的秘密
3.因果：給對方一個幫你的理由
4.複合等同：你是如何被廣告影響的
5.預設：無可反駁的隱藏指令
6.虛泛詞：留白的藝術
7.以偏概全：像樂觀者一樣思考
8.可能性與必須性：把規則隱藏起來
9.遺失行動者：無畫處皆成妙境
10.比較刪減：沒有傷害的比較
11.說話者不明確：讓它像真理一樣
12.動詞不明確：把掌控權留給別人
13.附加問句：讓指令變得溫和
14.同步現有經歷：讓人無法抗拒的指令
15.雙重約束：讓人沒有選擇的選擇
16.延伸引述：故意讓你聽不明白的技巧
17.選擇性違反限制：違反常理才符合常理
18.含糊：一語雙關的催眠指令
19.利用：一切都可以成為資源
20.識別催眠十八法
 
第六章 反催眠：後設語言模式
 
1.負面催眠正在吞噬你的人生
2.刪減：把缺失的內容找回來，就能看清真相
3.扭曲：你認為的真實，只不過是你塑造出來的結果
4.一般化：識破「盲人摸象」的局限
5.後設模式是防火牆，可以防止網路中的病毒
6.後設模式的使用原則
 
第七章 魔術語言：讓心魔在談笑間灰飛煙滅
 
1.語言中的病毒
2.世界觀：你認為的事實只不過是一種信念
3.後果：有效果比有道理更重要
4.另外一個結果：無用之用方為大用
5.重新定義：重構語言，重構希望
6.意圖：每一個行為的背後都有正面動機
7.上歸類：擴大範疇破除限制性信念
8.下歸類：看清真相就能改變信念
9.比喻：拉寬框架以識破荒唐信念
10.現實檢驗策略：挑戰信念的支撐條件
11.反例：一次例外足以顛覆原有認知
12.準則層次：用更重要的價值準則重新評估信念
13.反擊其身：以其人之道還治其人之身
14.改變框架的大小：拓寬思想的限制以改變執念
15.超越框架：從更高的維度看世界
16.魔術語言十四技巧示範
 
第八章 實用語言技巧
 
1.感性與理性
2.共情與共鳴
3.指責與負責
4.不良溝通與一致性溝通
5.非文字的語言
6.一對多的影響力
 
 
結語 使命宣言

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Listen, go bean, soin leakuchukovzi white. Liu di talk to his miner, they got die pin jung taigatin law. Little it comes out all you in yil gay die. Hol guswale, your hookin' chit like a whole diagon sassang like one of yinbun, bayan tai yikin hai chi wholesome, diale to jung, tongsi gum guan hai to suma. Some difuler, junti hey fungi and so higher tuppasang sat Lei Bayan de Taiigina, Majeli Hung and de Taigo Hogin, Dani Holesum to Jo I see. Mandai, do that shabindola, case a young hug guan zeng. Jung guan guci, do find hog it. Y no low like manti and arm. Jung hei monga gazi, do you fong the haiang, you know, pang man ting mantige moku. Little gum chon ye. Well gumajun deja the yaw jungu. Lid is one also. Hold on a chang by chong yeah. Yo sila, so in the mo goming, dang a chimtai mean yin ying dangero to fong choicein. Come home in a jung thouler, to buckle jung at yum toy bitong. Dai yin suite mo yet gun yung yi ben zat. Yes sea mo sen homo jun yim. Don't yet mayum jungle go toy hunt to fong a sale. To fong yet then with unkong. Ya yad Margayan. He uh Fanke Lozamina could find to low suck jol. Well you to lower dancing low leg. Y losamina, yaga texsi, tomaga sea guy chat, woo bassang young, well your guy could do a quantum gangler, come, the lock chat, tom cigar. When a lung sea gale, zil haj. You come chak a lola, mozi soy pang yen the to him fanhoy. You got zil to yet, cohany to him do, um to ya. Come texiga mo jang on. Come up towel. I highlighter home. Can you check a changet toll holler, tongue, send you lola, your tongs and van. You don't see little must, while little cigar, makeam dum sick loa, lemma mogale maga. Liku huggins with him, hold on, yet we check tip, locked out, ma, good mantai go hang the high moyang would you need sang yinjihoa. Let's soon go big yan, you take tip to fong zido, well it's hold. So yin, let's sing yi, tall high tactuyan, so vana, lessing gazi, but to find arm gehang to fong, yin wavegito, well bin a gang ho. Kholl and lock yi di yun yi di hogina. Y might muyakoyan, to sung mingar, zi hang the phon shame, yet go and simu yun yi pin a gangho. Le dim yanghulang Zi Y. Kallo chang gong go. He sang lun me walk singer why, yet fong sick, sai bay mean changlon. Hogina, changlon, sai jo yiu ta cau sick, lao gau, sang dog, fat fai sanghoha for yang jo, little moi some gala yang go chang lemin, no they do with foo shokasham doika. Sung ho daga gum changla, with a song hoyo to fong got sum tine, yaohoi, mole. Zihao, choin big yan day sang yang, dang yu so gatang, si will chang do fong yimbu some liang to jung tao na si jo guan hai you baby me jang. Ying got him jol Bamin Jango, sick it woo yang, li hung then do fong juda hole de fong. His sungula mina, your hold the jung child chin guan. Com little joke line, yato foo tie, kalamna chessan hair call king tie mama de gartang, gasangulet, big a tigin. Dalo tile, chessana jawn zigala, the side yi sick moywa, font sangulet to big a gong go. Lung segment yet the my hoi zila yi jang chau. Glamleto yim hake loyal letin, loyal at with gulam gumgu horn ye, la to le gum chang poly. You want some lace season. Gum season si let the be tight, muti cow tung dichi in a sing gong, or sile go hig a sungwood mong yi. Ito by jung or the okay hoes in a hany. Com cut a bat j and fo gini, muti cow dichi nead gong, or lay guy later y niggle uh sunwood leg her wong, nigga dye m don chu legal layout yet, sing so white sin lay hau bang, hung deng yan, ho yu bay cow tong gin up lung ho din. Don't see why limti mo sid gong, yan loi buntal jo yan chit ja soi cauta hot monk be hang deng. Gajia Yan to hot mong bai hang deng. Yan he monde some chojung yuga. We gun to guti gate and lumpye. Hang denko hang my gajek, leng kocta legjun stongsi ho. Kojo yan yin tips out, how me a pi pang to my king yi. Lao gagamok de jokanghua cow dung to my documentai. Hang on foo chang so tihola, hoi chi tam to chongaban fat, so ling songs on hogonga, deater foo chai, hang deng do siu fai guntiao, canjole, sohoi yan do embol, lahoi tungon, letang no hemong, or got ahoi some de yo or a heli do hoy sido china, or gangati's on ya. Lady on India, more de hung for gum to tiger. Lobo, um van do le tongi maisa, my mut, my mut, my mut, taugodale, limsu tonga funse toi, do you king at the answer to my sma. Kesle, takato se k mo bana, some loyao so. Hey l fan my ziha, yung one bo you he sang to my yangdola, do fong, high will lock ye chipsoge. Donly doesn't gong sec, yehao may be chum sai junghao. So ye some do may loy cow tong hob beat you. Holding dogong ye to chung yle he si sang das and yet hau ch me l go og lady hau ho gang ho. Lei hau, yet then m would ling no set monge, chai gotole. Modele, tum langao chong hai to punlo collity yago, gang la sing a jo fan chai ton heart, hold on choking qua, yi jitha wan. Some phone go ying si ja ying hand the high de fong, doesn't gong sixty hau to hoi son a heart uh hollang hoiha lo kinako jam bowler a tako a cham woo taika gong young jam woika do mo syling a tin. Come jum some? Hama, do yin gehala sick ying sick cup he lay young sang ha keng tat. Yet dun lit jung jong gehall, ying zingatguane, little hole and so tung yan de yet yin but upma jang tao, each little inner, do you form high home to lay son you form a crypin. Some yin go fight yin, muka hang my buyho, two yakengin dongate, you hang white m set a hangden, let you sihoi hangden co dongate. Tongsier sec dug more dehangden to lang like Hangwai Yao do shot lang like the mo yeus, ma gim sain. You go gimcho. Kjuang koi binakayan, so si nail wando ko tik the hang dengai fong. Chung koi fong hegongamai ti inha wabigido koihoi binakanho. Kju Mo Yan ru yun yi sangho. 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