I Said NO to the casting couch: Confidence, Boundaries, And Self-Worth

In this episode, I share a vulnerable moment from an early acting job when someone on set crossed a line and tested my boundaries. I said I was married and stood my ground—but later realized there were even stronger ways I could have owned my worth in that moment. We explore confidence, self-respect, and how to stay rooted in who you are when a room tries to make you doubt it. If you’ve ever questioned whether you truly belong in the opportunities you’ve been given, this conversation will remind you why you were chosen. 

You can watch this episode on YouTube here:

https://youtu.be/wBBURZF5MHA

You can see my artwork mentioned in the episode here: 

https://tynesteckleinartdesigns.com/shop/ols/categories/original-art

Thank you so much for being here. If you feel called to, please follow Essence Embodied, share the show with someone who needs it, and leave a rating or review so more listeners can discover these conversations. 

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https://www.instagram.com/tynestecklein?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr 

Join my email list here: https://shy-band-100.myflodesk.com/mrxyszsu5h

I'd like to say a massive thank you to my editor and dear friend, Nikki Dalonzo, for supporting me on this journey! 

Transcript

Owning Authenticity And Worth

Speaker 0:00

This is Essence Embodied by Tyne Stecklein, a podcast inspired to help you own your authenticity and ground into your self-worth. Today we're gonna talk about standing in your power, especially as a woman in a man's world. I'm gonna share with you the time that I got hit on while I was on set. I was 23 and I remember that quite well because I got married when I was 23. As I've mentioned before, it was never my plan to get married young. I was really focused on my career, but I had fallen in love and I had planned a dream wedding and was married at a young age. I also had found a new passion, which was acting. When I was 18 and I moved to Los Angeles, I started taking acting classes right away because I loved to learn, I love to challenge myself. The arts in all forms are what keep me evolving as a human. And I found that acting really felt like this new adult passion of mine. Dance had been almost kind of my childhood passion. I had done it my entire childhood growing up, and acting really resonated in this new way. Being able to use my voice to express my emotions was brand new because prior to that, I was just using my body as a dancer. I had been auditioning for years as an actor, and I had also been turning down dance opportunities, some auditions, but also actual jobs, actual bookings as a professional dancer, because I had been given the advice if I wanted to be taken seriously as an actress, I couldn't also be a dancer. I now wholeheartedly disagree with that advice. Let me make that crystal clear. I had been turning down dance work to be taken seriously as an actor because my heart loved the craft so much, and I was like, I want to do whatever it takes to pursue this fully. I was getting auditions often, left and right. I was auditioning for things. And this is me, this is my type, this is my look. Blonde, Caucasian, bright energy girl. And I remember walking in to some of my early auditions and sitting across the lobby from me would be someone like Hilary Duff going in for the same role. And I would very quickly knock myself worth and say, What do you think you're doing here? You're just a dancer, which is absurd to say. Because if you know anything about dance, if you have any dance experience or you've seen it being done at a very high level, we are athletes 100%. We put our body through things that it should never have to go through. Um, and the training is so extensive and we work so hard. And labeling anything that has to do with dance as less than just a dancer now makes me sick to my stomach, to be honest. But I didn't know any better. And so I would say, you're just a dancer, you know, in my mind, this is my self-talk, you're just a dancer. What are you doing here? Thinking that you should be sitting in this room, going in for this acting opportunity with someone like Hilary Duff sitting across from you. So I would knock my self-confidence down, my self-worth. And I already, most of the time, would take myself out of the running for that particular job because when that is the talk inside your head, this one that's filled with negativity and lack of worth, and you go in and you are there to be a performer and a storyteller and connect, that is gonna be really hard to do when that's your mindset. And what I now know is that maybe they called me in for that role because I wasn't Hilary Duff. Because I'm Tyne, because I'm me, and I have something unique and different to offer the space, to offer the scene, to offer this role. And this is, by the way, not a knock on Hilary Duff because I love Hilary Duff. I think she is such a great actress and also a great role model for women and her and her husband's relationship on Instagram. What we see of it is so, so cute. So all this is just to say I had something different to offer than her. And if I could have been more able to stand in my worth and be like, I'm here because they want to see me. They want to see what I have to offer this role. I would have already been one step closer to getting a callback, getting booked for this job. But I was going in in a in a bad mindset a lot of the time. And that's very hard, no matter what your profession is, no matter who you are, no matter what you do, to be told no over and over and over again. You have to really have a lot of resilience to bounce back from that, to get back up and go to the next audition or send the email to your agent saying, Have you heard anything yet? And when they say no, do you want to ask for feedback? Because who knows what kind of truth you're gonna be slapped with at that point. What kind of reality? So it's a very tough business to be in from that regard. But I got this audition after many, many no's and some opportunities where I actually got close. I got what they call pinned, which is you're up for this one. You and a handful of other people are up for this job, or it's you and two other girls, or whatever. But I I wasn't booking very often, if at all, honestly, at this point. And I got this one audition where they wanted a dancer. You were not gonna be dancing in the scene, but they wanted someone with that kind of posture, and there might be like a little play on dancing, and so they wanted a dancer that was a strong actress. And when I saw this audition come in, I knew this is me. And I had the most confidence that I had had at that point walking in to an acting audition. Of course, I booked that job because of what I just told you. I was so confident and I knew me, Tyne, I am right for this. This, I don't have to try to be anything other than who I am for this one. So, of course, when I show up to set, I am very excited because it's my first acting booking in what feels like a really long time at this point in my career. And I show up and the hair and makeup glam, you know, that's a real thing. You sit in a chair and someone does your hair and someone does your makeup and makes you feel like a real life princess. And it's a really fun part of what we do in this business. So I'm so excited to be in this chair and I'm getting my hair and makeup done. And the woman doing my makeup says, Are you single? And I have no idea why she's asking me this, but I am brand newly happily married. So I'm like, no, I'm I actually just got married. And she's like, What do you mean you're married? Aren't you like 12? Because yes, fair. I did get married young and I looked young at the time. And I'm like, no, I I'm 23 and I just got married. And she's like, okay, I'm gonna stop you there. Someone very high up at this show finds you attractive. So if you want to say that you're not married for the day, that would do really good things for you on this set. Who knows? You might even be back as a recurring role, meaning they're gonna have your character on the show do more than one episode. And this hit me like a punch to the gut because you kind of think, oh, these things might happen. They had already happened to me at a bar or in situations just in social settings in life. But then to be in a professional setting, this was the first time I had experienced this on a job where all of a sudden I feel compromised as a woman and uncomfortable. And I was very young. And in that moment, I know that I physically shrunk. My posture, my confidence, my spirit just shrank into the chair. And I just said to her something like, No, I'm I'm happily married. You know, and I think she even asked me, Well, what does that mean in Hollywood? You know, and and again, like I'm young and naive is not even the right word, but vibrant and married my husband because I loved him, because it was real. And so I just am sitting in this chair, like my wheels are spinning about what is life? Like, do people like, wow, this is this is this is real? Like this whole Hollywood scene you've heard of, like, this is my firsthand experience of people saying marriage isn't a legitimate thing here. And and if you want to pretend not to be, that could do good things for you. And here are the takeaways from this story. What I'm proud of myself for is that I in no way, shape, or form compromised my value, my morals. I married my husband because I love him, and I will never do anything, jeopardize that that is in my control. So I'm proud of that. I'm proud that I just said I'm happily married. But the lesson, the thing that I wish that I would have done in that moment was ground in my power, stand in my power and say, I just told you I am newly married. I'm happily married. Please don't ask me that question again. That could have been one way to handle it. Another way could have been to say, I'm gonna take a moment, excuse myself, maybe go make a phone call, maybe call my agent, maybe call my manager, say, hey, this is happening. I'm a professional, so I'm gonna do my job really well today, so that they want to bring me back anyway. But I want you to know because we should red flag this so that other actresses don't have to be put in this uncomfortable position. I could have said, this is inappropriate. I could have done a number of things to make my self-worth feel like it mattered. And instead, I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. It took me a very long time to even tell my agent what happened because I was embarrassed. And I was afraid that if I did, she might think, well, that's why she booked this job. Because someone thought she was hot. She's not a good enough actor to book it based on her talent alone. Because those were my fears about myself. And maybe someone else would have thought that. Maybe my agent would have thought that. But you know what I've learned over the years? It's that we cannot control what anyone else thinks of us. And the sooner we can accept that and make peace with it and just show up for ourselves, the more amazing our life will become. And if I were put in a position like that today, I know that I would have a much easier time standing my ground and just saying my piece and not feeling embarrassed that I was in the wrong. One thing I did do for that audition was go in there confidently. I showed up as time and I booked the job. And maybe someone also found me attractive, and that's fine. But I only booked the job because I first showed up with confidence. And then the rest was just a lesson to help me grow as a person, to help me learn how to stand in my power. And I hope that this inspires you to do just that. To own your worth, to embody your essence. If you enjoyed this episode, I would love it if you follow along. It means so much to me that you're here. I know that we all live such busy lives and our time is precious. So thank you for spending some of your precious time with me. In addition to acting and dancing, I love to paint. It became a therapeutic art form for me after I had my first child. And I now spend a lot of my free time painting. So if you enjoy any of the artwork you see today, including the sweatshirt that I'm wearing, which is a piece of my art, it will be linked below. And a lot of this stuff is for purchase.