What If Connection Is The Whole Point? Lessons from Dancing for Cher

I was dancing for Cher in Las Vegas at 19 years old—living the dream I had worked my whole life for. But behind the scenes, I felt deeply alone.

In this episode of Essence Embodied, I share a personal story from the early days of my dance career when I booked a dream job performing with Cher in Las Vegas. The choreography was everything I had trained for as a professional dancer—but offstage, I felt isolated, and unsure how to truly belong without shrinking myself down.

I trace that feeling back to high school loneliness, when the cafeteria felt like a spotlight and walking in alone felt unbearable. That thread of “I don’t have a group” can follow us into adulthood unless we learn something deeper: self-knowledge, self-trust, and the courage to show up authentically.

Along the way, I share the surprising leadership I witnessed from Cher herself—including the nightly prayer circle she led before each show—and how I later realized the connection I thought I was missing had been present all along. It became a powerful lesson in kindness, presence, and treating every person like they matter.

We also talk about the conversations we dread: how to express your truth without confrontation and how to leave situations with integrity.

Years later, I returned to dance for Cher again—this time with a deeper sense of self—and everything changed. I finally experienced the connection and friendships I had once longed for.

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t fit in, struggled with loneliness even during “successful” seasons, or want deeper friendships built on authenticity, this episode is for you.

Thank you so much for being here. If you feel called to, please follow Essence Embodied, share the show with someone who needs it, and leave a rating or review so more listeners can discover these conversations. 

You can keep up with Tyne on instagram here:

https://www.instagram.com/tynestecklein?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr 

Join Tyne's email list here: https://shy-band-100.myflodesk.com/mrxyszsu5h

I'd like to say a massive thank you to my editor and dear friend, Nikki Dalonzo, for supporting me on this journey! 

Transcript

Welcome And The Loneliness Question

Speaker 0:00

Hey there, this is Essence Embodied by Tyne Stecklein. I'm so happy you're here with me today. Do you feel alone in life? Or have you had times where you felt like you didn't fit in? You didn't have a peer group that you could count on. I have been there more than once in my life. So today's episode is for you. If you want to learn how we can always connect, how we can always find meaningful friendships and relationships. One of the biggest credits on my resume left me feeling incredible as a performer, but very isolated as Tyne. Let's dive in. At the age of 19, I got to audition for Cher. She was going to be doing a residency at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas. And to my surprise, I booked that job. And I was thrilled because up until this point in my career, I had been in Los Angeles for about a year and I'd done a lot of work for Disney. And even though it had been really fun, it's what I would call kind of like fluff filler decorative movement. A lot of the jobs where you're not necessarily utilizing the skill set that you have as a dancer. And with the choreography for share, I felt like everything I had worked so hard for growing up with my dance training was going to pay off. The choreographer's name was Doriana Sanchez, and the choreography was elegant and beautiful and technical and challenging. And I felt so in my element. So I was very excited when I got offered a contract that would be two years in Las Vegas with Cher. And showing up to rehearsal my first day, I was still very new to the business and also starting to just tap into who I was as a person, as an adult. I have mentioned before, I'm a very bright individual and sweet and kind and I'm also a people pleaser. And when I walked into my first day of rehearsal, I realized that I was younger than a lot of the cast by quite a bit, especially compared to the other female dancers. And that is very nerve-wracking because I'm barely an adult and I'm so new in my career, and I'm surrounded by these incredible veteran women dancers that have been doing this for some of them a decade or more already at this point. And I found my bright, bubbly energy to be a little much. It felt like I was a little much. And like I said, I'm a people pleaser and I didn't want to rub anyone the wrong way. I didn't want anyone to dislike me. I just wanted to do really well at my job. I was so excited about the job. So I found that I just kind of shrunk into the introvert self that I knew me to be. And I just kind of tried to slide under the radar when it came to being with my peers. I showed up for rehearsal, always professional, happy to be there, you know, very positive, but not overly abundant with me sharing my personality and getting to know other people. And I also, once I settled into my groove of living in Las Vegas, found that I felt really lonely as far as not having solid peer connections to reach out to to get together with people when we had free time. It was interesting because on stage I felt like I was really thriving. But then I would come back to my apartment and I just felt super lonely. And I know from experience, at any age, being lonely does not feel good. Whether you are a young adult, a grown adult, being isolated never feels good. And I have firsthand experience with that from the child that I was growing up. In high school, I was the kid that would do anything to not have to go to the cafeteria at the lunch hour. I went to a big high school. I think there were 800 and something students in my graduating class. And the cafeteria was massive. And I would walk in and see all these tables and these tables of students laughing and poking fun at each other and having a good time. And I felt like I had nowhere to sit, not a group to join. And that is the most awful feeling at that age and at any age, right? So I would go anywhere else at lunchtime. I would go to the choir room. I was a choir kid, and I would go see if our choir director accidentally left the door unlocked that day. I would also go to the library and essentially pretend to do my homework, even though really I was just like, who else is in here doing their homework? Does anyone else not have a peer to sit with? Maybe no one will notice that I'm in here. The biggest blessing in the world was turning 16 and being able to drive and sometimes having a car available and being able to leave and get off campus because I was so uncomfortable in my skin at lunchtime. I was so unsure of the person that I was. I knew myself as a dancer and a really good one, one that worked really hard at her craft, but I didn't know myself as a person. And so I started feeling these feelings from high school when I was on this job with Cher, where I just felt like, okay, I don't have a peer group, so I'm gonna just disappear, right? I'm gonna just kind of come into my shell. And one of the most amazing things about being an artist and being a performer to me is that you can feel pretty hopeless as a human, but then you can get on stage or in class or wherever you get to do your craft and become a completely different person. So I would get on that stage in front of so many people in Las Vegas and I would shine so bright. But I can't say that I was fully happy as a human because I felt lonely. What was really interesting about this is that Cher herself was in the show. Obviously, I was getting to work for her, and I've worked with a lot of people, few at her caliber. And there is no one, not one person that I've worked with that I can say is as comfortable in their own skin as that woman. And it was such an amazing example right in front of me. If I could have just been a little more aware of it at the time, my 19-year-old self was just like in my own ego, in my own world. But if I could have just looked up and seen this example of someone who has been so successful in their lifetime, in their career, also be so grounded as a human, as a person on this earth, I would have grown leaps and bounds at that age. And yeah, that's okay. That's part of my evolution that I've learned those lessons now later in life. But what was really, really special is that she was so kind to every person that was a part of her team, meaning her dancers, her band, her crew that set up the stage. Every single one of us mattered. And she wanted to know who we were. She wanted to know us by name. She wanted to have interactions with us. We would do a prayer circle, the performers, before we would get on stage every single show. And we would stand there in a circle and we would hold hands with her and she would ask one of us, she would make eye contact and say, Tyne, do you want to say prayer tonight? Isn't that amazing? I mean, she doesn't need to take the time to do that with us. And yet she's an incredible human who wants to take the time and who wants to connect. So much of why I am making this podcast is to connect. I want to connect with you, my listeners, because it means something when we feel connected in our life, whether it's with our boss, with our spouse, with our friend, or with a stranger, when we connect, truly connect with someone, life feels meaningful. Maybe for the first time. It's interesting because one of my kids said to me the other day, Why are we here? I'm starting to explain the concept of him of being a person on this earth and I believe in God and that we were created by God and we were put here because we have something unique and individual and beautiful to offer this world. And he's like, but but what does God want us to do here? And as a parent, you're never prepared for these questions beforehand. You don't know that they're gonna come up. And the first thing that came out of my mouth was, I think we are here to connect and to love. And so that's what I'm here doing with you guys today. And when I tell you that share connected with us, it was such a wonderful thing that made me feel less alone in that experience. And I want to talk to you about something else today. I want to talk about the difference between confrontation and having these conversations that make us feel uncomfortable and just speaking our truth with integrity. Can you think of a situation or maybe many in your life where you were like, oh my gosh, I have to make this phone call or I have to send this email or I have to do this thing and I feel sick to my stomach? That is me over and over and over in my life and in my career because I've always felt like if I have something to say that might feel negative or bad or offend someone or hurt someone, I don't want to have the conversation at all. And it's really hard for me. And I have just in the last handful of years in my life had a new perspective shift on that, which I am so grateful for and I'm really excited to share with you today. And that is that when we are simply speaking our truth and we do it with integrity and we do it with kindness and respect and compassion, there's nothing to be afraid of. We are not doing anything wrong. I made the difficult decision that after one year of working for share, I was going to leave that contract because I was 19 and I wanted to see what else was in store for me, what else I could do with my career. I was beginning to act at this point, really falling in love with that craft. And I think truthfully, there was this part of myself that felt so isolated from my peers that I felt that I wanted to be more connected. I was able to leave this job on really graceful terms. I went to the management team, who is as wonderful as Cher, and I said, I am so grateful that I had this experience. It has been a dream come true. But I think that there's more that I want to do. I think that there's more that I can do with my career. And they were really graceful in return. And they said, good for you. You should. You should go see what else is out there. And please just know that our door is always open if you want to come back. And I can't tell you how much I dreaded having this conversation in the first place. How the things that I drafted that I wrote over and over. And that's okay too, because that's part of the process. I was able to just do it, just speak my truth. And then on the other end, they responded, good, good for you. They also could have responded and said, okay, see you later, you know. And that would have been okay too. Because again, I can't control the response on the other end. This team had to hire a new dancer, teach them all of these routines. Hopefully, it was someone a similar size that would fit in my costumes, because if not, they would have to re-costume this person. There's a lot of details involved. I'm sure it's not what they wanted to hear. And yet, because I was graceful in how I went to them, they were graceful in their response. And it taught me a wonderful life lesson. I can make choices for my life that might not be what someone else would choose for me. Wait, let me say that again. You guys, we need to make choices for ourselves that are the ones that we choose, that are aligned for our authentic self, not a version of us that we think we are supposed to be for anyone else in our life. I've grown enough as a person at this point to know that I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea. And that is okay. The right people, the ones that are meant to elevate us and support us, support the authentic individual that we want to be, that we want to show up as in this world, they are gonna be there for you. But we have to first be confident in that authentic individual. I wasn't confident in any individual walking into rehearsal. I was just confident that I was a great dancer. I wasn't confident in the person that I was. So of course the other dancers aren't gonna really get to know me and get to welcome me and get to include me. And I wish that I could have shown up for that 19-year-old version of myself differently. But what's really cool about this story is that I did get to show up for her a few years later. I got invited back to dance for Cher again. I told you they said the door is open, and I got asked to go on tour with her. She was gonna travel the United States going on tour, and they were replacing some dancers. And I had some years under my belt at this point in life. I had a little more experience and I was starting to learn the person that I was, and I was starting to like this person. And so I show up to rehearsal, and it is the majority of the same people that I had been dancing with in Vegas years prior. And this time I was able to connect with them. I was able to make beautiful friendships, beautiful relationships because I was just simply being me. Did I make best friends with everyone? No, but like we can't have a hundred best friends. And why would we want to? Then it never gets deep. We can't go super deep in the way that I believe humans want to with everyone. We can do that with a few cherished ones. One of my best friends always says, those who matter don't mind. Those who mind don't matter. And I love that because it's like those who mind our flaws, they don't matter. But the ones who matter, they don't mind. They are there for us for better or for worse. And I really found my tribe dancing for share the second time around. And I've now learned to let go of feeling like I need to be liked by everyone. We all want to be liked. That is just us being humans. It's really hard to be liked by anyone when you don't know yourself well enough to like yourself. And I think the first step to getting to know ourselves is just sitting with ourselves and saying, who am I? What lights me up? What makes me excited? What do I want to offer to this room, to this lunch, to this space, to life, to the world? What do I want to offer? What do I want to offer this podcast? I want to offer that feeling that we all go through these things. I hope that there's someone listening to this who also has felt isolated or lonely at some point. And that if you ever have that feeling again, you can tap back into and remember not everyone has to like me. That's okay. Where's my tribat? Who am I? Let me let me really ground into who I am and then I can show up for myself. And then the right people are gonna be attracted and they are gonna just fly to me like magnets. I hope that you are inspired by this story. And, you know, I think if we can look at Cher as someone who has had ultimate success and is that down to earth and kind and connected, then can't we all be? I'm so grateful for my time working with her. I'm so grateful for my time working with everyone on that experience and the lessons that it taught me. And I am so grateful that you tuned in with me today. It means so much to me that you're here, and it would also mean so much to me if you would just leave me a rating or a comment or please share this podcast with someone. This is Essence Embodied by Tyne Stecklein.