Elevate The Hustle

What Every Stuck Insurance Agency Owner Gets Wrong About Growth

• Elevate Teams • Season 1 • Episode 24

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In this episode of Elevate the Hustle, Stan Meytin and Dom Piccirillo sit down with Kim Ades, founder of Frame of Mind Coaching and one of the most respected executive coaches in the entrepreneurial world. Kim started selling back massages on Cape Cod at 10 years old, built simulation-based assessments that tested every measurable trait in high performers, and discovered that emotional resilience beats all of them. She has since coached hundreds of business owners and executives across the USA using a journaling-based methodology that gets inside how a leader thinks and changes it from the inside out.

She also shares the story of an emergency appendectomy, a CT scan that found a mass on her kidney, and a Zoom call from a friend in a hospital gown with stage four bladder cancer and six to nine months to live. And what she built from both.

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What you'll hear:

  • Why emotional resilience is the single biggest predictor of success for any insurance agency owner or independent agent

  • The journaling method Kim uses to surface the hidden beliefs quietly running your agency without your permission

  • Why most agency owners come to Kim wanting to grow their revenue and leave realizing the work starts with them

  • The two journaling prompts that will show you exactly what is getting in the way of your growth

  • What great leadership actually looks like when everything around you is out of control

  • How to build emotional resilience as a muscle regardless of where you are starting from


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✅ Connect with us
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Website: / https://elevateteams.io/
Stan's LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/stanleymeytin
Dom's LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/dominicpiccirillo

Kim Ades
frameofmindcoaching.com
linkedin.com/in/kimades

Real talk, real stories, and occasionally real bad language.


🌐 Website: elevateteams.io
📷 Instagram: @elevateteams
🔗 LinkedIn: Elevate Teams
🎙️ YouTube: @ElevateTheHustlePodcast

SPEAKER_04

Hustle is not letting get the things get in your way. Hustle is finding opportunity where other people don't necessarily see it. Hustle is putting yourself on the line or, you know, taking risks that maybe feel uncomfortable to you. Hustle is kind of knocking on the doors that you think are just jam jam shut. Hustle is, you know, making things happen. That's what it really boils down to.

SPEAKER_03

Elevate the hustle. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to Elevate the Hustle, where we break down what it actually means to build teams, scale companies, and lead with intensity. I'm your host, Stanley Mayton.

SPEAKER_03

I'm Don Picharillo, and today we have an amazing guest here with us, Kim 80s, who is EOFamous. We'd love to welcome you to the show. Welcome, Kim.

SPEAKER_04

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_03

Did I pronounce your name correctly? I kind of won't.

SPEAKER_04

No, you really didn't. It's Addis.

SPEAKER_03

Addis.

SPEAKER_04

Addis.

SPEAKER_01

Kim is fancy. Kim, welcome to Elevate the Hustle. This is an honor for everyone.

SPEAKER_04

It's an honor for me. It's an honor for me. I'm thrilled to be here.

SPEAKER_01

That is watching and listening at home. They are going to find out who you are and what you do. But before we get into that, to that, my favorite question of the show. What does hustle mean to you?

SPEAKER_04

Hustle is not letting get the things get in your way. Hustle is finding opportunity where other people don't necessarily see it. Hustle is putting yourself on the line or, you know, taking risks that maybe feel uncomfortable to you. Hustle is kind of knocking on the doors that you think are just jam jam shut. Hustle is, you know, making things happen. That's what it really boils down to.

SPEAKER_01

Said like a true professional. And at what point did you realize that you were a hustler where you had that hustle factor?

SPEAKER_04

You know what? I think that I had the hustle factor when I was a kid. And my family used to go to Cape Cod on uh for the summers. And um, you know, we went with family members, friends, all that stuff. And I used to sell massages on the beach. Uh back massages. Let's let's keep it clean. Um, back massages. I was young, I was I was a kid, but you know, I gave them a massage for 10 minutes and I earned two bucks at the time. That was a fortune. So I always had it in me to find something to sell, whether it was comic books, like oranges at school. We used to sell oranges, chocolate bars, whatever it was. I I loved the process of convincing someone to buy something off of me. It was fun. Just fun.

SPEAKER_03

So are you like walking up to random strangers on the beach and offering 10-minute massages? Like, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_04

It was it was like we would go, there was a huge group of us, you know, maybe 40 people that would go together, and I would go to every adult and you know, sell them a 10-minute massage. And if you do that every day because it's a product that people want daily, right? Then you're raking it in. And when you're away for two weeks in Cape Cod, you come away doing pretty well.

SPEAKER_01

So you did you like, you know, you said we, but it was you. Did you look at like I'm sure the other kids were all selling oranges and comic books? Were you like, I'm different? Or did you not even like pay attention to that?

SPEAKER_04

No, I mean, like, you know, when you're in school and you have to raise funds for some purpose, I was just all for it. For example, I used to be on uh student council, and uh we needed to sell dance tickets. So I'd walk around the school going, Are you going to the dance? You're coming to the dance, right? Come buy tickets off of me. And I just had like an enthusiasm, uh, like uh an excitement for it. And I made it such that I want you to be there. We are going to have a good time together. So I I think I think my my magic, if you will, is that I do have a very high level of enthusiasm and conviction about the things that I am selling.

SPEAKER_01

So, you know, fast forward to who you are today.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You are a world-renowned mindset coach working with high-performing athletes, mostly entrepreneurs. Uh, I'm a victim/slash client case study. I don't know, I don't know if you should say that. You know, I am still very fucked up. Uh but that's because you stopped working with me.

SPEAKER_04

What do you want me to say?

SPEAKER_01

My wife still to this day says that that was a defining point in my life and and how I've changed. So kudos to Kim. Uh, what she does does work. And Kim, tell us about exactly who you are and what you currently do.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, so I run an executive coaching company called Frame of Mind Coaching. And we do work with the highly driven population. You know, the uh typically they are leaders, business owners. Sometimes they are high-performing athletes, but right now we're mostly leaning towards the professional sector where people may be executives in large organizations, there may be owners of family-run businesses, but they tend to have a few things in common. They're people who want the greatest things out of life. They're the people who you know beat themselves up day in and day out because they're not quite where they want to be. They're people who have friction in their lives with others and they don't know why. Is it them? Is it other people? Um, why don't other people have the same sense of urgency? Why aren't they getting it? Why aren't they moving fast enough?

SPEAKER_02

Other people can.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. So, you know, we understand the character, the trait of this highly driven individual, and that's our area of expertise. We work with them very closely, and we have a very unique way of coaching that isn't uh widely seen in the world per se, and it's very high impact, it's very intense, and it's very intimate. And I'm happy to talk about that too, if you want.

SPEAKER_01

Well, so I mean, the process of how you do it is through journaling, right? I mean, there's like deeper layers to that, but but you, I mean, walk us through what would you actually do or actually.

SPEAKER_04

Well, what I'm interested in primarily is understanding how a leader thinks and how their thinking impacts everything they do, hear, smell, taste, and touch. I just want to get into their heads and understand why or how they are getting the results they're getting. What is the thinking that leads them to these outcomes, both positively and negatively? The question is, how do I get inside their heads? So, yes, we have calls on a weekly basis. We record the calls, so we do them on Zoom. We record the calls, and one of the things we ask our clients to do is we ask them to listen to the calls so that they can start to pay attention to how they show up and how they speak and what stories they tell and how they get stuck over and over and over again in the same kinds of problems. And then in between every single coaching session, we ask them to journal in a private and secure online journaling platform. So at the beginning of the week, we give them a journaling question or a prompt and they start journaling. And every day that they journal, and we expect them to journal every single day, their coaches on the other side of that journal, reading and responding to the journal, asking more questions, digging deeper, challenging them, encouraging them, doing all the things. And so the relationship between the coach and the client is very, very, very intimate and is designed to move someone far in a relatively short period of time. So that's what we do.

SPEAKER_03

What how how did you get into this? Like what brought you from massages and candy bars and slinging, you know, all kinds of goods in school to becoming, you know, a mindset guru? Like what was that journey like for you?

SPEAKER_04

So I think like ever since I was a kid, I was always interested in human nature. Just that's just the way I was. That was my personality. Um, and then uh after I did my MBA and ended up moving to Toronto, uh, I started a business. Um, and I had three partners. But that business, we built simulation-based assessments. And what we did was we were interested in helping companies find the best performers. And so we created simulations to mimic their activity in the job. And we would give them tasks to perform virtually, you know, not you know, sit in a simulation to see how they would behave in those different situations. And what we would elicit was a certain character type, like, is this person designed for this job? And what we discovered was that over and above any character trait, like whether it's intelligence, um persistence, um, IQ, person, any any nature-driven uh characteristic, there was one key determinant of success that trumped everything else. And that was that if a person had a high degree of emotional resilience, they would be much more likely to succeed than anyone else. Which meant that you know, what is emotional resilience? It's the ability to bounce back from adversity with speed and agility and turn that adversity into something beneficial.

SPEAKER_01

So what what what is yeah, what is like give an example of what that is. Yeah, how are how are people usually responding to that?

SPEAKER_04

I mean, I'll give you a personal example. How's that? I'll give you a really recent personal example, okay? So, as you already know, I do a lot of speaking, right? I speak, go to all these different places, and I speak. On one particular day in October, I went to a speaking engagement and I just wasn't feeling well. I was feeling terrible. Got there, did my three-hour presentation. I felt like I just wanted to leave. And on the way home, I felt even worse. What the following day, I ended up in the hospital and I had an emergency appendectomy. Okay, so when they do an eponyctomy, they give you a CT scan, and they discovered on the CT scan that I had some kind of mass on my kidney. And I'm going through a little bit of a long story to get to where I need to go, but that's okay. What that meant was I needed to have surgery. So in February, I had this massive surgery, massive, massive surgery to remove this, what they thought was a cancerous mass on my kidney. So they cut me open. It just like it was a big deal. Okay, great. Meanwhile, I had to cancel all of my speaking engagements. So I had to call the various players to tell them I can't speak, but I have a replacement for you. One of the people that I reached out to actually didn't respond to me. And I was very surprised because he was a close friend of mine and he maybe not that close at the time, but he was a friend of mine and he took a class with me. So we were on good terms, and I thought that he would respond, but he didn't. So I reached out to him again. And in my email, I said, Can you please schedule some time to talk to me? I need to update you about the speaking engagement for your group. He responded finally and he said, I'm so sorry for the delay in my response. I'm in the hospital. It so happened that he booked some time in my calendar the following day. And you know, it's automatic. It's a Zoom meeting. I get to the Zoom meeting, there he is in the hospital with his gown on, in the hospital bed, with a port on, taking off his oxygen mask to talk to me. And I'm like, what's going on? What is happening here? And he said, Well, I I've been struggling for the past year and a half. I have bladder cancer, it's stage four, and they're giving me six to nine months to live. And I said, Well, how are you feeling about this? Like, how are you processing all of this? That's heavy. He's like, Actually, I'm feeling very grateful. I am surrounded by the people that matter to me. I've never experienced so much love in my life. And to be honest, I'm working on my legacy. I'm very close with my kids, and I'm in a relatively good place. I don't know about you, but if I only had six to nine months to live, I don't know if I'd be in a relatively good place. But he was in a relatively good place. So, number one, that's emotional resilience, right? So he's taking this time to really connect with people, to really spend the time wisely. So that's one example, but let's go further. As I was listening to him, I said, What do you think about letting me interview you so that we could capture this interview for your family? And he said, Well, I don't want to take advantage of you. What's in it for you? I said, I don't know. I think there's, first of all, it's a great honor, but there's a great deal of wisdom that comes from somebody who's facing their mortality. And he said, Okay, I'll do it. And we did this two-hour interview, and it was unbelievable. And I sat there just dumbfounded by everything I was learning and everything I was hearing. And I hung up from that interview, and and by the way, he he said, Can you please hold on to the interview and give it to my my wife and my daughter after I'm gone? And all of a sudden I felt like this huge sense of responsibility. But I hung up and I thought, I need to do this again and again and again. That was so profound. And so I bought a URL and I'm in the process of building something new. And the URL is called endoflifetestimonies.com. Because I think people have stories to tell and they want to leave those stories behind for their loved ones. And so I was in a situation where basically my life had radically changed due to my own surgery. But here's an opportunity. So taking a negative experience and turning it into an opportunity, turning it into something where you're growing, you're learning, you're getting to the next place. That's what emotional resilience is. How did I do?

SPEAKER_01

You did you did great. And and and you know, the audience is crying at yeah, I was gonna say, I'm gonna I gotta go get the tissue box. Dom and I aren't are not as empathetic, but I'm sure everybody else is is crying watching this. Um, and thank you for sharing that story. So, and I'm gonna set you up here because I know the answer. Can everybody have this resilience? Can this resilience be tall?

SPEAKER_04

Yes. So I think that some people have a natural propensity to be more resilient naturally, right? Automatically, maybe genetically, uh, than others. But I think that everybody can build up resilience, just the same way as you can build up your ab muscles, you can build up your resilience, and it helps to work with a coach, of course. Yes, I'm biased with that answer, but so so I will I will share the story.

SPEAKER_01

Kim, what year did we work together? 2018? Is that is that 17, 18, something like that? Something like that.

SPEAKER_03

I I remember you hiring her. You hired her when we were in forum together.

SPEAKER_01

I I know, I just don't remember the exact point, but I do remember I signed up in EO, New York, I signed up for a br I believe it was like a breakfast, and it was like a three-hour thing. And Kim did a really good job of you know, kind of going through these exercises uh of like, you know, here's what your thought process. I mean, I don't remember all the details, but I remembered this at the end of this thing for three hours, and I probably decided about 15 minutes in, I'm like, I'm gonna hire this lady. I'm like, this is exactly what I'm looking for. And I was and I remember like I came up to you and I'm and and you're like, Hey, how are you? And I'm like, great. I was like, when can we schedule a call? And you're like, oh, do you want to like talk about, you know, is there something specific you want to talk about? I'm like, no, I'm like ready to hire you.

SPEAKER_00

I don't really care what it costs. Let's just let's just schedule the first meeting and you could just like fill me in later, and you're like, no, there's like a process to this.

SPEAKER_04

I must have been really good.

SPEAKER_00

You were really good.

SPEAKER_01

We were really but but and you know, I I think, and I'm sure you still do it this way where you're providing value, you're explaining to people of of you know, you're going through different exercises of how people should be reacting and feeling, and and at the end of it, like that person, which was me in this example, was like, holy fucking shit, there's a way out of this. I I could I could get there.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, and and really what I'm interested in is how are you feeling about all the things in your life? And the way you're feeling is a reflection of the way you think. And the way you think is something that is in your control. So there's lots of things that are not in our control in this world, as we know, but that's the one thing that is in your control. So let me show you how to take control of this one thing. And that's that's really what we do as uh frame of mind coaches.

SPEAKER_01

So let's talk about you know, entrepreneurs, builders, people building businesses. Um I'm sure there's different ways, techniques of changing the mindset. And like is there like stages that they're in? Is there, you know, are people stuck in their business because they're stuck in their mindset? Like, what's your take on that?

SPEAKER_04

I think that people get stuck because first of all, the word beliefs matters. Okay, so I I know, I know, and I believe that people get stuck because of what they believe to be true. Okay, so for example, I had a call with a client the other day and he said, I feel powerless. And the reason he felt powerless is because he believed he had no options, and that really wasn't true. Okay, so the beliefs we have will determine how we feel. And the beliefs we have are really worth examining so that we can determine whether or not those beliefs are things we made up, because often they are, um, and whether or not those beliefs are useful. And whether or not those beliefs are I'm gonna use a made-up word here, trade up a bulk. Can we trade in those beliefs for something better?

SPEAKER_02

So Dong, what do you believe?

SPEAKER_00

What are my limiting beliefs or what are my like positive beliefs?

SPEAKER_01

Do we think do we do you agree with Kim? I mean, do you I mean we you know, we talk to clients every day who believe that you know they're stuck in some sort of situation that they can't be helped, or there's only one way of doing it. Do you think entrepreneurs just go through this, I don't want to call it a cycle, but state I I see it as almost a stages, right? Like you're you're starting a company, right, and you're running this business and you're like, you know, this is what I know, right? And you're like, I can't get from point A to point B because I don't know how to get there, and then you get to point B, and then you're like, okay, now how do I get to point C? But then once you kind of went through all of these stages, now your beliefs are a little bit different, right? Because you're like, I I've done this before, I could do this, now I could look at it a different way.

SPEAKER_03

Well, maybe, but I think it really depends, right? Like, I think there are there's also entrepreneurs that say, Hey, once I get to pick your number, or once I can work, you know, 10 hours a week and make X, or there's all kinds of things that I think certain people get to where they say, Okay, then I'll be comfortable, and that's like fine, and they sit there and and they're complacent with whatever it is. I think there's also other people where the bar always moves, right? So it's like I want to get to here, and then once you get there, it's like, well, what would it be like if I could get to the next phase and the next phase and the next phase?

SPEAKER_04

Okay, can I can I can I jump in? Because you said a few important things that I don't want to miss out on, okay? So thing number one is you said, what are my limiting beliefs? Like when when Stan Stanley asked you, you know, hey Dom, what do you think? You're like, you laughed, you were taken aback. What do you mean? What are my limiting beliefs?

SPEAKER_03

I was thinking about it. Well, so again, now I'm gonna have to say these things out loud.

SPEAKER_04

Well, but the thing is, you you might know some of your limiting beliefs, but part of the concept of limiting beliefs is that they're primarily hidden. You can't you don't actually know what they are. Because if you knew what they were and they were, you know, if you sh if you shined a big light on those beliefs, you'd say, okay, I see them, I can challenge them. I can work with them. The problem is that they're so deeply ingrained for all of us, to be honest, that they're hard to change because they're in our system, they're in our DNA. And so the concept is how do we bring them up so we can see them, deal with them, address them, challenge them, choose them rather than just accept them because they're there.

SPEAKER_03

And do you find that these like these belief systems show up in like activities? Like I'm not someone that like overeats, but like someone who maybe overeats is saying, you know, I'm unhappy and I'm eating and I'm like in this cycle and I can't like figure out what's going on.

SPEAKER_04

I mean, that may be one belief. Another belief could be, you know, food is life. Without food, what am I? Another belief could be, you know what? Like, I was so well fed when I was a kid. Food is love. Like, so it's not one idea for everybody. Everybody has a unique set of beliefs that come from their experiences, their upbringing, their parents, their environment, you know, all of that packed together form a set of beliefs. But um, you said something else. You talked about, hey, do some people have like a number and they're like, when I get there, I'll be okay, and then they're complacent. And other people have like this bar that keeps moving up and up and up. But what you're really describing is is a belief that says, when I achieve X, then I'll be happy.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

Correct? And so the belief is that the achievement of something is the cause of happiness. And that's that's a false belief. That's a false belief.

SPEAKER_01

My boy Stefan tells you it's all bullshit. There is no there is it is bullshit.

SPEAKER_00

We can't that stuff right there.

SPEAKER_04

Right. It's it's a false belief. It's not true. We made that up. And so what we need to do is actually understand what is the source of happiness? Where does that come from? Is it from the achievement of things? You might achieve something and experience a temporary, you know, spike in happiness, but it's not sustainable. And then you're like, okay, well, what's next? Or yeah, but everybody else achieved that, or whatever it is that goes on in your head. And so, what we really want to know is what is it that's going on in your head and how is it impacting the way you feel about life, about the way you feel about business, about the way you interact with your team, about the way you lead, about the way you sell, about the way you do everything and anything.

SPEAKER_03

What's the number one thing? And I don't know if you could share this or not, but like, what's the number one thing people are coming to you and saying, like, hey, Kim, I want to work with you because I want to have like this result? Is it like I want to be happier? I want to be more successful.

SPEAKER_04

Like usually, to be honest, usually they're business owners who want to achieve more in their businesses. And then when they start working with me, they start to realize, hey, it's not about my business, it's about me. It's about the way I lead, it's about the way I think, it's the way about the way I interact with human beings, it's about the way I show up in the world. And then it's about my business. My business is not primary, my business is secondary, and the way I think impacts everything that surrounds me, everything I'm involved with.

SPEAKER_01

So I I will share my experience. One thing that came set to me during our process, which like I have a very short-term memory. I like I don't remember shit. But one of the things. It did stick. I mean, I probably should come back. Is that one of your limiting beliefs?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_01

Doing a show here, Dom. Uh she asked me this question, which I think was extremely impactful. She said, Would you rather be happy? Would you rather be right? We're happy. Uh and I think that is, you know, I think most of the time, and I'm guilty of this every single day, we're we're we're stuck in it, right? We're we're we're running through the day where like, you know, I know the right answer, I know the right answer, right? And then somebody else is like, I know the right answer, and now you're getting into like full-blown conversations, right? It happens in politics every day, it happens in sports, it happens in all of these things. But the answer is really, does it really fucking matter if you're, you know, if you get the last word in or not? It does it really doesn't, because then they those two people walk away from each other and they're gonna keep walking, right? Like it doesn't really change anything. And now you're getting emotions involved, now you're getting yourself worked up over something that is completely, you know, stupid, right? And and it could happen, you know, you're waiting on a car line to pick up your kid and somebody cuts you off, right? And you're like, like, and I'm just like, why does person cut me off? I don't want to come out of my car. You know, yell at them, but at the end of the day, like, what is that really gonna accomplish? Nothing. See, I'm a mommaker.

SPEAKER_04

And and where it really matters is in your primary relationships with, let's say, your spouse or your children or your business partner, right? That's where it really matters because the relationship matters. And if, and if let's say we are in a relationship and I decide I need to be right, what does that make you wrong? Wrong. And if I'm right and you're wrong, how does that impact the relationship? Does it grow in a nice, healthy manner, or does it kind of start feeling a little yucky? And so there's a sacrifice to being right all the time or needing to be right at the expense of another person's wrongness.

SPEAKER_01

Kim, how do people utilize some of these techniques in running their business, right? So I like because I and how do you do it, right? Like, because I think you're running your business, right? You you know how to run your business, you know what you're doing, you've been doing it for years, but you're going through, you know, the process, right? You're kind of doing, I don't want to say the same thing day and now, but you're you're almost an autopilot, right? And and then and then you're like, sometimes you have blinders on, sometimes you're not seeing it, right? Like, how do you kind of how do you use some of the techniques you teach to almost take a step back and to realize there's other ways of doing it?

SPEAKER_04

I think I think that look so I'm gonna use another concept from coaching. I think that life provides what I call contrast. And what does that mean? It means life provides experiences that aren't always pleasant, whatever they are. Okay, so it could be business, could be, you know, in a professional interaction, it could be personal, could be political, as you just said, could be anything, right? Any anything in life provides a lot of contrast, which means it's an experience that's a negative experience. We didn't enjoy it. And so the question becomes what do we do with that contrast? What do we do with that negative experience? We have choices. We can we can keep thinking about the negative experience, or we can say, Oh, we had a negative experience. What do I want instead? So let me kind of take a step back and I'll give you another visual. Imagine you're playing basketball. Okay, we like that. It's a good sport. Play basketball, and someone throws me the ball, and I just start dribbling. I start dribbling the ball. And all of a sudden I notice and I throw to the net, I notice I'm throwing in the wrong direction. And so what we really need to do is kind of stop for a minute and say, which direction am I pointing in? The direction of what we want or the direction of what we don't want. And so when we have that negative experience and we keep talking about it and thinking about it and turning it in around or in our heads and keep making it an issue for ourselves, we're pointed to the wrong net. And what we need to do is say, okay, we had that negative experience. What would I rather have? What am I going to do with this? Where am I going to take it? How do I turn this into something positive for myself? This increases my clarity about what I want instead. And that's where I need to focus. And that's the process of pivoting towards the right net.

SPEAKER_03

You find those experiences will help build like the emotional resilience in people.

SPEAKER_04

Yes. Emotional resilience comes from uh a lot of times, you know, building up a knee-jerk reaction to things. It's literally a muscle, right? It's a muscle. So that like Stanley mentioned, you know, somebody cut him off in line, and his knee-jerk reaction is to like go, what the heck? Right? Why did he do that? I want to get out of my head.

SPEAKER_01

Those are the words he would use. No, they're like, I'm gonna get out of my nah, I wanna get out of my own.

SPEAKER_04

The point is that emotional resilience, building up your emotional resilience is such that the person cuts you off and you're like, okay, I guess he needed to get there faster. I guess he had a bigger emergency than me. So this is this is not this is not worth my my even slight agitation. And that's a muscle.

SPEAKER_01

And muscles are so let's connect journaling. How how do we connect? What is journaling because you're able to see the inside of somebody, you know, how react? Or is that actually some sort of connection to that muscle or continue to do?

SPEAKER_04

All of the above. So when you journal on a daily basis, number one is you're exercising the process of writing down your thoughts. And that's very powerful in and of itself because people believe their thoughts are just inside of them and they're part of them and they they can't separate. But when we can separate our thoughts from ourselves, what happens? We become able to look at those thoughts in a slightly more objective manner. And that gives us increased self-control and power. So that's a process we use for increased emotional resilience. But let's go one step further. When you're journaling with your coach and you're writing things down, you're writing down the story of your life. You're writing down your perspective of things. And really you're writing down, not consciously, you're writing down your beliefs. And a really good coach will start to pick up the patterns in your behavior and your beliefs and your attitude and your reactions to things and your values and your priorities. And they will pull them together to say, hey, you're tending to do this over and over again, but your goals are this. These things don't match. We need an adjustment. Right? So a really good coach collects the right data, does a very quick analysis because they're skilled and experienced, and shows the data in a very plain way to the client and says, Here's what's happening with you. Is this what you actually want? And the client typically says, No, that's not what I actually want. What I want is this. And then we say, Okay, well, this habit of yours isn't taking you there. This way of thinking, this philosophy, this mentality, this belief system is taking you away from what you want. Let's really look at that. Let's challenge some of those beliefs, and let's turn you towards, let's pivot you towards the right net.

SPEAKER_01

Kim, so you have worked with thousands of entrepreneurs, hundreds of entrepreneurs?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, hundreds. I'm not that old.

SPEAKER_01

Many, many, many hundreds. And yeah, look hundreds of entrepreneurs. Is there, you know, a common theme that that you see is that that data point? Is there I'm sure there's multiple honestly.

SPEAKER_04

I I can't tell you how many times I say to my clients, put down the stick. Put down the stick. And what is the stick? It's the stick they use to beat themselves up. I should be better. I should be further ahead. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know what's getting in my head. I feel stuck, I feel powerless, I'm frustrated, all this. So what I see is highly driven individuals tend to have a story running through their heads that sounds like I should be further ahead than where I am. And there must be something wrong. And I can't figure out what that is.

SPEAKER_01

And do you think people are driven because, you know, of some sort of life events that happen in their childhood? Do you think they're born that way? You know, a combination of both, nature versus nicer.

SPEAKER_04

I I think it's it's all of the above. They're influenced by their upbringing, their family, their culture, by their experiences, by their, you know, DNA, by by all of that. They're they're people are formed by everything that they um that they you could say touch, not necessarily physically, but everything that they encounter. That's the word.

SPEAKER_01

So let's say somebody's watching this and you know, they're saying to themselves, look, I'm running my business or I want to start a business or whatever it might be, and you know, maybe I can't afford Kim as a coach, or maybe they could, you should still reach out to her. Uh what are some kind of actionable steps that people should be taking to kind of start uncovering themselves better?

SPEAKER_04

I I think one of the most powerful things that a person can do is to start journaling, whether you're doing it with a coach or not, right? So start journaling. And in the process, you want to ask yourselves yourself a few. I'll give you one really powerful journaling prompt or cut two that go together. First question that you want to ask yourself is what do I really, really want more than anything? And very often, you know, and and dig deep. Like don't just take the first thing that comes off the top of your head. Dig deep. Like, what do I truly deeply want? Not what is expected of me, what somebody else wants from me, what you know my family wants, or what I think that I could have, but what do I truly deeply want? Then the next question is what's getting in my way? And when you answer the second question, you'll start to surface some of the beliefs you have. What do I believe to be really true about this? About the ability to have what I really want. And then say, are these beliefs something I've made up or are they factual? So, for example, you might want to start a business, just as an example. One of the beliefs you might have is, well, I don't have enough money. And what's the belief underneath that? And I can't get the money I need. So you might not have enough money. You might not need all the money you think you might need, you know, you think that you might need, but also is it true that you don't have access to money? Money's all around us, it's everywhere. It's abundant. We don't think about things like that, but it is abundant. And the question becomes not can I start my business without money, but now the question becomes how can I access it? Those are two completely different problems.

SPEAKER_01

Most people are afraid to ask is probably the the the most And that's another belief.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_04

You can't ask.

SPEAKER_01

I I I can't ask, you know. Like to me, and you know, maybe it's growing up in the school of hard knocks or you know, slinging whatever else I was slinging back in the day, but you have to you have to ask the question, right? The the worst answer could be no, right?

SPEAKER_04

But you, you, you, because I know you a little bit, you're bold. Like you have you have right, you're bold, you have the willingness to do what other people aren't willing to do. Because for you, it's easy. It you don't have the belief that says that's not acceptable or that's not okay. You're like, yeah, actually, it's so okay. I have to do this. It's the only thing I can do, and it's the easiest thing for me to do, right? For me, meaning you.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

Right? And so you already think about those bold moves, the asking part of things, much differently than the vast majority of people. Like, I remember in the day you were interviewing some incredibly prominent people because you just asked.

SPEAKER_01

I did.

SPEAKER_04

You know, like how do you get in touch with these people? Well, I just reached out to them and I asked.

SPEAKER_01

I used to cold email CEOs of I don't know, Fortune 500 companies, uh 76ers, uh 49, whatever it was, and and literally just asked them to come on back then to True Inspirations. But it wasn't even like like it wasn't even like a doubt for me that they would say no. And obviously many people did, but I like I didn't care.

SPEAKER_04

Right. Like it didn't phase you. So another person would say, oh my God, I'm getting all these rejections. I suck. And you're like, I'm getting rejections. Okay, who cares? Who's gonna say yes? Right? So that it's a thinking process that you have that's a reflection of your beliefs, right?

SPEAKER_01

So I'm gonna ask you a deep question. Since you are, you know, you've been doing this for a long time, you've seen a lot of different situations. Do you feel like you almost have a mindset cheat code and you're able to, you know, do certain things that people cannot do because you have this skill set?

SPEAKER_04

I'll tell you, uh, for me, I I I do have some things that come more naturally to me, but I'm human and I also have beliefs that are really hard to find. But I do have some things that come a lot easier to me. Like I can see opportunity in absolutely everything, right? That's how I've been built. That's the muscle I've developed. I see opportunity. Even in the things that are terrible, I see opportunity. And I don't mean opportunity in the sense of like a financial opportunity. I just see opportunity, growth opportunity, relationship opportunity, uh, connection opportunity, experience opportunity, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_02

Like, I see opportunity.

SPEAKER_03

Do you find it like being a mindset coach and and seeing all these opportunities? Like, do you find that you're, you know, like Stan was saying, like that you're able to almost trick your mind or that you're able to shift your mindset, you know, much more easily? Or like, are there still certain things that you struggle with, even being the expert that you are when it comes to your own mindset? Even being the cheat code, even having the cheat code.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I mean, I uh for sure. I I am human and things things come up that I've never experienced before, like suddenly I have kidney cancer, which turned out not to be cancer. Like things come up, right, that you have to deal with in life, and you're like, what the bleep? Where the heck did that come from? Right? And and so sure, but I think that I also I also accept things more easily and I think I roll with it faster. And I don't I don't have friction with it as as long. There are some things that I still have friction with that are just way bigger than me. But we don't need to get into that right now.

SPEAKER_01

So what what what's next for for Kim and for frame of mind coaching? What what's what would you love to accomplish in the next three to five years?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, you know what, like I honestly, honestly get a lot of uh pleasure and and I experience a lot of pride when I have the opportunity to train leaders in how to coach. Like I think rate leaders also need to have coaching skills the same way as they need to have communication skills, and the same way as they need to have computer skills or whatever it is, right? The same way as they're they think to themselves, I need to learn AI. That's really important. It's like a huge thing I need to get on right now. Well, I think that they also need to get on the concept of coaching. And I would like to be able to train leaders in how to how to understand and and and execute coaching. And that's what we're doing more and more of.

SPEAKER_01

So, as an example, you're coming into an organization and you're working with leadership teams, mid-level managers, whatever it might be, to help and senior level managers, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, and teaching them how to coach, how to have coaching conversations, how to understand what their mission is in a coaching conversation.

SPEAKER_01

I'm assuming one of the factors is listening better.

SPEAKER_04

Well, listening better, but also really um getting to the heart of what's going on by understanding a person's belief systems. And usually in in businesses, when you talk about coaching, they think, well, I need to help them increase their performance. So I'm gonna tell them what to do and I'm gonna give them advice and I'm gonna, you know, hold them accountable and I'm gonna do all the things that a coach is supposed to do. And I'm here to say, actually, coaching is something completely different than that.

SPEAKER_01

And everybody listens, everyone learns differently, everybody has different perspectives on how it should be.

SPEAKER_04

Well, people learn differently, but at the bottom at the end of the day, when you're coaching someone, you're coaching a person, right? You're coaching a human being. So how do we do that really, really well? And and I think that to be completely honest, an organization who makes coaching a priority actually ends up with a superpower.

SPEAKER_01

It's interesting because I I do I I can and and I cannot. Relate to that. Like I actually feel like I'm a I'm a I'm a bad coach in in school.

SPEAKER_04

Why is that?

SPEAKER_01

I don't I don't know. Why am I a bad coach?

SPEAKER_04

Because why do you feel like you're a bad coach? Why is that?

SPEAKER_01

Because I feel like I can't it it's hard for me to try to meet that person to where they're at. Uh I I feel like the person that I'm coaching, if they like if you want it, I am willing to like put in so much time, energy, and effort into helping you. So like I coached my son's football team, and like, you know, there's kids on the team who were like, like they didn't have to be the best kid, but they wanted it, right? They wanted to learn. So I would be willing to put that time, energy, and effort into making them better. But like the kid that showed up that's like, I don't really want to be here, right? Like that I'm, you know, like, like, I know it all. Like, I'm just like, I'm not gonna spend my my my time energy on it.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, but the question is, why do they have that attitude?

SPEAKER_03

Well, I don't know. There's a lot of different things we we'd have to have them journal and do their beliefs.

SPEAKER_04

But but honestly, like to me, that's the interesting case. It's not that you know, when we're running businesses, we don't have time to like, you know, we need to focus on the top 10%, on the on the top performers. We think, oh, we need to fix the ones that are lagging behind, but that's not a good use of your time, energy, or focus. We need to focus on the top 10 and bring the rest up to a certain level.

SPEAKER_02

Right?

SPEAKER_04

So, so yeah, I agree with that. But when we're coaching an individual and they're struggling, we want to understand why. Where is that coming from? What is that actually about? And so, you know, the impatience that you have um doesn't unlock any doors.

SPEAKER_02

Oh no, it doesn't. Right.

SPEAKER_01

So do you do you think everybody could be coached?

SPEAKER_04

No, I definitely don't. Like my mother-in-law, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03

Right. Better hope she doesn't listen.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, she knows. She knows. If she heard this, she would crack up. Um, no, I don't think everybody could be coached. I think people, I think people, um, there are two things. People need to want to be coached, especially if they're hiring a coach. But at the same time, like sometimes you're coaching people like your kids, and they didn't hire you to be their coach. But the secret to being effective with them is to see them in the best possible possible light. And when you see, you know, the kid with a bad attitude as a kid with a bad attitude, do they want to be there? No. Not only do they already have a bad attitude, but now you've already discounted them. So it's a lose, lose, lose, lose, lose situation. And so the only way to turn this ship around is to see something in them that nobody else has seen and shine a light on it.

SPEAKER_01

One thing I do want to say, and I think this is part of probably the best thing about Kim's program, besides obviously Kim being an amazing coach and you know really finding the issue. I think that your technique is you're helping that person, and I'll use myself as an example, see it for themselves, right? So you're asking the right question, you're journaling, and now you're becoming self-aware, right? You're seeing that pattern. I'm talking about the same thing, I'm having the same issue, I have this limiting belief. And, you know, like like my wife always used to tell me, she's like, she's like, I used to tell you this stuff all the time, and you didn't listen. I'm like, I know now I see it because I see it for myself, right? It's a lot different that you made that decision, right? You made that realization, so you're able to connect to a lot more than somebody telling you something else.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. And and honestly, when you're journaling, you're putting it down in writing. It's in your words. So how can you not believe yourself? Right?

SPEAKER_01

Like so, what's the best advice you've ever gotten?

SPEAKER_04

The best the best advice I ever got was uh when I was getting divorced, and I was really, really having a tough time because my kids were going back and forth from one house to the other, and they were not happy with this situation, and I was not happy with this situation, and I didn't feel like I had any control. And I was just like spinning, spinning, spinning, spinning in a really bad, dark place. And someone gave me a piece of advice and he said, you know, don't try to control everything, just be a good mom. In other words, like just love your kids, just love your kids. And he simplified everything for me. And I don't know why that was the best piece of advice I ever got, but it completely lifted the the burden I was feeling to try to manage everything that was outside of my control to manage. And I think that's part of part of what great leadership is. Great leadership is having the ability to manage yourself when a lot of things around you are out of your control. And a lot of leaders don't know how to manage themselves effectively. They overwork, they're tired, they're exhausted, they get angry, they spin out, they shut down, they yell, they do all kinds of things that aren't consistent with leadership.

SPEAKER_01

So they should either hire you to help them see this, or hire you to help coach their leadership team. Yeah, that would be great. They could go spend more time, you know, on the beach might be.

SPEAKER_04

That too. That would be good too. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

What would you tell your younger self, the the the young girl giving out those massages or hustling? What what conversation would you have with her?

SPEAKER_04

Um you know what, honestly, I would say everything's you're gonna have some bumps along the way, uh, but you'll be fine. You'll be fine, everything's gonna be fine. Lean into yourself, trust yourself, it'll be okay. And I often i it's very weird, but I often tell my clients, I think it's okay to chill out, just chill out. And it doesn't sound very coachy, but at the end of the day, like the quality of your life is a reflection of how you feel day in and day out. And if you're always angry or if you're always stressed, or if you're always tired, that's not a high quality of life. And my job is to help people get to the highest quality of life that they can possibly achieve.

SPEAKER_01

That's it. I do believe that everything always works out no matter what. Um I think that you know, you get fired from that job or you go out of business or whatever it might be, and it's gonna fucking suck. And you're gonna, you're gonna have a lot of a lot of pain. But, you know, when you look at yourself six months later, a year later, and you you have a new job or you start a new business or you have a new relationship, whatever it might be, you're in a completely different space, right?

SPEAKER_04

You just your brain can't get there because you're in it now. And so the idea is to learn the I the practice of fast forwarding your mind to the already better place and to know and to trust that that better place will happen, will come.

SPEAKER_02

And that's God now.

SPEAKER_03

No, I was gonna say I had an issue in in my previous business where one of my employees committed fraud and we did like an emergency forum session. And similar to what you were saying, one of the guys said to me, he said, How much is this going to affect you in 90 days from now? How much is this gonna affect you in six months, 12 months, three years, five years? Right. And I like thought about it. I went through the exercise of like what it looks like, what you know, the first several months were terrible. After a year it got better, after three years, it was you forgot the guy's name. Yeah, this isn't gonna have an effect on me any longer, right? So it it really was able to put into perspective like, yes, this is gonna be really brutal for you know, however long it's gonna suck for. Um, but also knowing that once we made it out the other side, like everything was gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, that's a great example. But Tom, how are you reacting to all of this stuff that's Stanley already knows?

SPEAKER_03

Who me?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, like listening.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, no, I'm a big believer in all of this stuff. I think mindset is everything. And I think, you know, very much when you're talking like to me, when you're talking about like emotional resilience, like my father passed away when I was 10. And I whenever something bad happens to me throughout my life, I've always looked back at that and said, Oh, I I made it through that, I can make it through whatever this thing is now. And I think that event, as terrible as it was, you know, was like the biggest driver of emotional resilience in me. Um, so I think however people frame things dictates, you know, really how their life is gonna go and how they're gonna respond to whatever it is that's going on at the time.

SPEAKER_04

That's such a great example. And if you can remember that and gain strength from that, that is the epitome of emotional resilience.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I am blown away, as usual, by by Kim. Uh, like I said, this I was gonna say this shit really works. Uh it does work, and uh Kim and her team really do put their heart and soul into this to really help you, right? Really help develop you and come out the other side. And and I think, you know, I one thing I think is is very interesting and like growing up and going through my entrepreneurial journey or any journey, like I I never I never had a mentor, I never had a coach, I never had that the that person or people to lean on, and I didn't know what it was like, right? And and then I was like, oh, I don't really need anybody, I don't really you know want anybody. But having people like Kim and having coaches, you know, mentors, people that you can lean on, yeah, you know, is extremely important when you're running a business, right? Uh obviously Dom and I are from EO and have like I think without EO, I think without you, Kim, I think without you know some other mentors that I have, like it wouldn't be possible for me to get here because you know, it I I just wouldn't know how to do it. But then if you really think about it from sports, right? You watch athletes, right? That they're thinking that school teacher, that coach that helped them get over that hurdle, whatever it is, and they have that support system that's gonna help them get there. They don't just become, you know, the best golfer in the world. They have people in their corner that are gonna be able to help them achieve greatness. Yeah, and that's what it's all about chasing greatness and being a hustler.

SPEAKER_04

Being a hustler.

SPEAKER_03

And if you don't believe you're gonna win, you're definitely not gonna win.

SPEAKER_04

Agreed.

SPEAKER_01

No, you're you're gonna seek him and then you're gonna believe you're gonna write.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, let's go. Kim's gonna fix you up. That's right.

SPEAKER_00

Where where can people find you, Kim?

SPEAKER_04

Uh yeah, honestly, I we're we're everywhere, LinkedIn, Facebook, but go to frameofmindcoaching.com. That's the best way to take a look at what we're up to and reach out if you want. I'm happy to talk to anybody who's interested in even just the conversation and is not even ready for coaching. Happy to do that too.

SPEAKER_01

Well, you heard it here. Elevate the hustle. Kim, thank you so much for coming on. We appreciate you. And can't wait to see what business Kim is gonna start. Opportunity is there next.

SPEAKER_03

Uh we hope you're there's always opportunities.

SPEAKER_04

I will tell you this. We're writing some kids' books called uh about a kid called Whimsical Kimsical, a 10-year-old curly-haired, very uh bubbly, precocious 10-year-old kid who gets herself into a few messes and finds her way out of them. So that's what's next. That's what's the next one.

SPEAKER_03

I love that. I love that. I have a four and a half year old daughter, so okay, great.

SPEAKER_04

We'll send it to you. Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me on your on your podcast. It was an honor and a pleasure.

SPEAKER_02

Thanks, Kim. Thanks, everybody. Thanks.