Shadow Work, Rage & The Liver: Why This Season Feels So Intense

In this episode, we’re diving into shadow work: what the shadow actually is, why it forms, and how it quietly influences our reactions, relationships, triggers, and patterns behind the scenes.

We talk about why shadow work is not about “fixing” yourself or locking away the messy parts of who you are. Instead, it’s about understanding the pieces of yourself that were buried, suppressed, or pushed out of awareness because at some point they didn’t feel safe to express.

I also break down why I’m seeing so much anger and emotional reactivity in clinic right now through the lens of both shadow work and Traditional Chinese Medicine. 
This episode explores:

• What the “shadow” actually means
• How childhood conditioning shapes the parts of ourselves we suppress
• Why anger is often a protective emotion rather than the root emotion
• The connection between triggers, projection, resentment, and the subconscious
• How shadow patterns become automatic behaviors over time
• Why not all shadows are “dark” (sometimes we suppress confidence, success, visibility, or power)
• How shadow work can help you understand recurring emotional patterns and self-sabotage
• Journal prompts and tools to begin your own shadow work practice

This is a conversation about awareness, nervous system protection, emotional suppression, and the healing that happens when we stop abandoning the parts of ourselves we were taught to hide.

Books/resources mentioned:

• Entering The Castle by Caroline Myss
• The Wheel of Emotions
• Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)
• Acupuncture + seasonal healing practices

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who’s been feeling emotionally reactive, stuck, or overwhelmed lately. And if you want to continue the conversation, you can find me on Instagram at @alannacrawford_.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Summit of Death, where science meets goal and you don't have to pick one or the other. Hi, I'm your host, Elena Crawford, osteopathic manual practitioner and breaking active teacher. On the pod, we're talking about body wisdom, energy, intuition, and becoming an expert on your own life. Whether you're looking to find yourself again, create a new version, or see, just here for the results, you're in the right place. I'm here to demystify spiritual curiosities while adding a layer of humanness to the healthcare experience. No gatekeeping, no pedestals. This podcast is for the woman who is ready to take her power back. Let's do it!

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Hello everyone! Happy Thursday! I know we're a day late. It is not Wednesday. Um, yesterday I had the final call for my small group program, and it was just in all my feels. Um, we were working on the Crown Chakra manifestation, going through how this past nine months really worked and changed people, and honestly, I was just really emotional. Um I worked with 10 women over nine months, and watching the changes they have made is something I will never, ever, ever forget. I am so grateful I got to facilitate that for them and for them showing up with their vulnerability and their commitment to the program. It truly was just, it was so special. It was something so special, and I'm so happy that I got to be a part of that. But today, Thursday, we are going to talk about shadow work, uh, what shadow work is, why we need to do it, and why it's coming up in this season of life. So, signs to me as a practitioner that shadow work needs to be done is when people tell me they have a lot of anger or rage, or they feel like they're doing well, but certain and like what they would describe as small things would happen and they would get really, really triggered with anger, like automatic anger before their thinking brain kind of kicked in. So I also want to mention that anger is a super common emotion right now. In traditional Chinese medicine, the spring represents the liver, and the liver is the organ that holds anger. So when we transition from winter to spring, we're stirring the liver and we're releasing it. So anger almost feels like it's bubbling to the surface right now and you cannot contain it, especially if you're in a time of stress or transition or you just feel like you're not really aligned right now. Um, and even so, like if things feel like they're going really well for you and you're like, why the hell do I have this anger that's like coming out of nowhere? Um, that's perfectly normal. And your body and your emotions are working with the season. So congratulations, my friends. You are healthy. Let's back it up for a sec, because if you are into TCM, you're gonna be like, Alana, spring is liver and gallbladder. Yes, you are correct, my TCM lovers. Spring is the season of the wood element, and that corresponds to the liver organ and the gallbladder. So this time of year represents growth, renewal, and movement, and it makes it the primary time for detoxification, increasing physical activity, and balancing emotions like anger and frustration to ensure the smooth flow of liver chi. And qi is energy. It's just the word that they use for energy. So we're moving out of that winter hibernation and we're moving into like renewal, growth, momentum as the seasons change. The same thing's happening with our body and our energy. And let me state, as I state in every episode, I am no way an expert. I am not a TCM expert. I am not trained in TCM, although I would really love to be. Um, but it's just always a healing modality I've used since I was very young, and I've always had consistent, fantastic results with it. And as I've mentioned before, I am currently in the thick of TCM and acupuncture for fertility. And my acupuncturist gives me little homework assignments because she is a fellow nerd like me, and she knows I absolutely love to nerd out on this stuff. So she has me on this like liver detox type herb situation, and she told me to research spring and liver and everything that goes along with it. And it was a huge aha moment for me because I kind of connected what I'm seeing themed in both osteo and Reiki across the board in my clinic right now. I also think I love TCM because it also views the body as a whole and not fragmented. So it very much aligns with the principles of osteopathy. Like I just I love it. Someone please hold me back from signing up for another four-year degree. I am so lucky Jay doesn't listen to this podcast because he'd be like, Alana, no, shut it down. That's a new girl reference if you watch New Girl. Okay, so some fun facts about the spring before we jump into how this aligns with shadow work. So liver energy and emotional flow. In traditional Chinese medicine, the liver helps regulate the smooth movement of energy and blood through the body, right? Blood is like our big, or the liver is our big blood detoxifier organ. So during the spring, this energy naturally wants to rise and move outward. When the flow becomes restricted, it can show up as irritability, emotional reactivity, tension, headaches, hormone fluctuations, or that feeling of being emotionally congested. Like it wants to rise and move outward. That's why we feel anger or frustration is almost like bubbling up to the surface and coming outward, even though we're not consciously releasing it. It's coming out anyway. So the wood element and growth. The liver is connected to the wood element, which reflects the energy of growth, vision, movement, and expansion. Much like nature, reawakening for the spring, healthy liver supports adaptability and forward momentum. When it becomes imbalanced, people often feel trapped, frustrated, resistant to change, or emotionally rigid. And anger is typically the messenger. So in TCM, anger is the primary emotion linked to the liver. And not just explosive anger, but resentment, bitterness, suppressed emotion, and long-held frustration. So spray invites us to notice where emotions have been buried or ignored so that they can finally be processed, released, and transformed instead of stored in the body. So as you can see, anger is a biggie this season, and I've been seeing it a lot in clinic. So it is a great time where we can do shadow work. Typically, if we look at shadow work and astrology, we assign it to Scorpio season because that's like shadow energy. But I really think if we're working with the body and the physicality of this season and the energy, I think that spring is a great time to do shadow work. And it's something you can do for yourself. You don't need to pay a practitioner. Like I am in no way discouraging you from not doing that. We all need how we all need practitioners, and sometimes it's just easier to have somebody walking you through it. But if you want to go at this on your own, you totally can. And we're gonna make that a reality for you today. So what is the shadow? I feel like the shadow gets a really bad rap, like, oh my god, my shadow self, let's lock her away. No one wants to see her. Um, and that can't be further from the truth. In really simple terms, the shadow is the unlived, unclaimed, or unintegrated self. But like, let's break that down, shall we? Let's look at the human psyche. What even is the human psyche? I feel like we say that all the time and we don't actually talk about it. Um, and I'm going to quote Wikipedia here because I was trying to make my own definition and we were just getting lost. So the human psyche is the totality of the human mind, encompassing all conscious and unconscious processes, including thoughts, feelings, memories, and behaviors. It serves as the core of human personality and mental functioning, often acting as a self-regulating system that balances internal drives with external reality. So each one of our psyches creates the essence of who we are and or how we project ourselves into the world. And that's really the important part for shadow work. I'm gonna say that probably everybody listening to this podcast is at least over the age of 25. So we have had a lot of time to develop the layers of our psyche and essentially how we would like to be portrayed in this lifetime. But we don't come out of the womb with that awareness. We have like two decades of societal conditioning and spirit experiences that shape what aspects of ourselves we want to be seen. And this is a huge spectrum because some people were raised in strict households, some were loosey-goosey, some were very traditional or religious or had specific um cultural expectations put on them. Some people experienced very real trauma. And honestly, we all have traits that we likely suppressed from gender expectations or the era that we grew up in and what was deemed appropriate at that time. And not all shadow aspects are bad traits. And I think that's where people get confused. They are just pieces of ourselves that we have hit or suppressed because we didn't think they would be accepted by the people around us. I'm gonna give you my own example. Again, I apologize for clickety clacks. I still have Argo with me because I'm still afraid to leave him alone. Okay, so I've definitely talked about this before, and my mom to this day, actually not to this day anymore, because I've talked about it on my podcast and I noticed that she's stopped saying it. So hi, mom, and thank you. Um, but until I started this podcast, she would bring up all the time that I ruined every trip, like to New York, Disney World, because I would cry the entire time when we were in public places. Yes, I'm a fucking intuitive, okay? I feel everyone's feelings. Crowds are so overwhelming to me. But as a child, I did not have the words or the wherewithal to even express that. So it resulted in mainly me crying or getting a migraine or an upset stomach anytime we were in crowds because I was so overwhelmed by everything I was feeling. Anywho, I learned at a young age crying in public was not acceptable. So I suppressed it and I never cried in public. I would only cry on my own or when it was just my mom sometimes, if like I really couldn't hold it in. I actually have very vivid memories of waiting until everybody went to bed in my house and going outside. I had this like side path through my back gate, and I would sit against the brick wall in my house and cry into a pillow after everybody went to bed so nobody would hear me. Like many, many memories of that. And I can't remember exactly when it was, but she said it to me many times, probably since high school. I think this specific time was it had to have been after my postgrad because I was really digging into like what are my emotions? Why do I feel them? But anyway, I was so upset at something like the entire day, and my mom picked me up from something, and I looked her dead in the eye, and I was like, I'm so sorry, I need to cry right now. Like I had held it in all day, and I was in a spot where I knew no one could see me, just my mom, and I bawled. And she said something along the lines, and it's something she has said to me a lot is something I admire most about you is your ability not to cry until it's appropriate. And that was the time, the first time she said it to me, that it made me really, really angry, like black outrage. Like you admire this, you made me like this. I was so angry. And this is a perfect little segue into shadow work is that I am in no way mad at my mom at that for all. I don't hold any resentment. I did before I understood like what a shadow is, but when I did my own shadow work, I came to the realization that I actually think I'm really good at my job because of that, because I was taught that. I just had to work through everything that was wrapped up in hiding that emotive state of me. And I've come out the other side and just accepted it as a piece of my shadow. It's really made me be able to hold space for people in my clinic that I might not have been able to do if I didn't create that wall. And I know that sounds really bad, but I am very grateful for that ability. I deal with a lot of grief. I deal with a lot of end-of-life treatment. I deal with people who are at a point where they are not going to get any better. And yes, it's holding space for that specific person, but a lot of times it's working with the remaining family members. And my ability to stay neutral allows me to do this level of work. Now, where I've had to check in with my shadow is my personal life. I won't emote, which seems wild because my job is literally all about feelings, but I really shut down and close off and it's unfair to the people that I love. And that's where I have to check in with myself and say, like, this isn't serving me, and I have to let that side of me surface. And that is working with your shadow. I don't suppress it, I have to check in with it and allow it to be. And so through family dynamics, social conditioning, um, and often painful or confusing experiences, we learn which emotions are acceptable and which ones aren't, which traits get approved and which ones get shut down. And we adapt to that. We start presenting what we think are the air quotes good parts of us, the agreeable parts. The rest of the stuff we push out of our awareness, whether you are aware that you pushed it down or not, is suppressed. And those unacknowledged, unintegrated parts of you, that's what we call the shadow. And so here's how I'm seeing it come up in clinic lately. In this season, and hence why we have an episode on it, and it's not limited to this example, shadow really comes through in situations of unchecked anger in this season, but it can come through in other ways. I right now am seeing very angry women, and they describe to me that they all have this anger. Everything makes them angry, but they can't pinpoint it, but they also feel like they're stuck. Then when we get down to it, they say, I think it's my marriage or my partnership or whatever situation they're in. And you know what? It might be, it could be, but before we even touch that, we have to look at why they're so angry in their relationship. In all the cases, it comes down to I have changed so much, and my partner does not support me. We have nothing in common, we lead separate lives. And now let me just state: I am in no way supporting the man here. Like you guys know me. Fuck the patriarchy. Like, okay, I'm not picking sides. If you have a disengaged, shitty partner, that's on them and dump their ass. But if we look at the trigger, which is anger, or a lot of them have described it as like wild rage, to me, my spidey sense goes off and says, okay, there's a shadow aspect here, though. What is it? And common between all of these women is they are becoming this new version of themselves behind closed doors. Because whatever it is that they want to do or who they're becoming, it is an attribute of their shadow. So here's an example. I have the most lovely woman come in, and she told me she exercises a lot for herself, but she feels like maybe it's too much and she has a lot of guilt around it. Spoiler alert, it is in no way too much. It's quite minimal and normal. And that in order for her to be able to do that, to get to the gym and do this exercising, that she has to plan and prep every second of her being out of the house. And she doesn't even have littles, guys. Like her kids are self-sufficient, as is her husband. But there's a part of her that puts forward, you are the caregiver. You have to make sure everyone is okay before you are okay. She was taught a mom wanting time for yourself is selfish. So you have to accommodate everyone else. Everybody else has to be okay before you take that time for yourself. I had another woman really struggling with her anger, and she and I felt like she just wanted me to tell her to leave her husband. I feel like she wanted to be like the energy said, leave your husband. But when we got into it, her shadow was suppressing non-traditional values to her culture. She was taught that these are things you do not and should not want, and this is not a way you can live your life. But that's how she wants to live her life. But she's having these feelings behind closed doors. She hasn't shared any of this with her husband because she feels like it's frowned upon. You don't say these things, you don't want these things. So I am not a marriage counselor and suggested that would be her first step. Like, yes, we've identified this shadow here. Now, guys, work together and go through counseling. Like, give him the opportunity to say this is also something I want, or then deal with the marriage there. But I think we really have to deal with this suppression of the shadow. When something happens that should evoke whatever it is, the emotion you are suppressing, you feel anger instead. That is shadow. You feel irritable, reactive, resentful. You might even project that anger onto others or feel deeply triggered by people who openly express the thing you're suppressing. And in these cases, anger isn't the problem. Anger is your survival strategy, and that's brilliant. It steps in to protect you from feeling the emotion that once felt too dangerous to even touch. So anger is becoming your mask. And this is where people get confused because emotions are nuanced. Rarely is what we feel on the surface the whole truth. If you struggle to identify with what's actually happening underneath your reaction, a tool like the Wheel of Emotions is amazing. When I found the Wheel of Emotion, it was so helpful, not only for myself, but also in clinic, because you look at four or sorry, six core emotions. So anger is being one of the core emotions. And then it spans out in this wheel to really encompass 25 other emotions that truly pinpoint what you're feeling. So anger is like the entryway in, and then you look at this wheel and you're like, oh my gosh, it's actually um resentment. And then you can start to dig in what you're actually suppressing. And the important thing to understand is with repetition, as with anything we repeat, repetition of the shadow becomes a pattern. And we know that when we create patterns, those patterns become our habits and they start running our behaviors because they feel familiar. There are comfort zones, right? We always talk about comfort zones are not necessarily good for you. They're what's comfortable, and we choose the path of least resistance. So a huge clue that a shadow is present is instinctive behavior, reactions that seem to come out of nowhere before logic or choice has a has a chance to step in. You're just like, boom, rage and anger. And I'm saying rage and anger in the context of this spring season because naturally it's what a lot of us will be feeling. But shadows can they can show up as shame, humiliation, embarrassment, the fear of being seen or the fear of being judged, so you dim yourself. I think it's important to note not all shadows are dark. Sometimes what gets buried isn't anger or grief, it's confidence, it's power, it's desire, it's success. If you grew up learning that being too confident or too visible or too successful would cost you love or the feeling of belonging, those qualities will probably live in your shadow. Hugely successful people might irritate you and their confidence might feel triggering. It's like I see it a lot. People are like, why do they want so much? Why do they need so much? It's like the shadow is a little trickster. If I feel jealousy come up, I always stop myself and I look at that person and say, like, what are they presenting into the world that I am hiding or suppressing in myself? Because I will tell you guys, it's always about you. It's never about them. Barring that they're just like a shitty person doing shitty things in this world, if they're triggering you with jealousy, look at what they are putting on display to the world that you are longing to actually put on display in yourself, but you have hidden it. And if we aren't able to do that, if we aren't able to like look at them like a mirror and we let these emotions stay unconscious, they are going to quite literally run the show. It will influence your choices, your relationships, your self sabotage, and like quietly from behind the scenes. It's not so much in your face. Sometimes you Don't even realize. So if you feel like, hey, I have a lot of anger right now, this is the perfect time for you to start some shadow work. That that liver energy is stirring, guys. It's surfacing, it wants to be released, and you can help it. You can handhold it through this process. This is the perfect time to look beneath the surface, pull back the curtain of the subconscious. Hey, what's going on there? And to stop letting your shadow drive while you just sit in the passenger seat unconsciously. And I will tell you, shadow work is not easy. I will say that it's it will be easier in this season because you're working with that energy. That energy is already bubbling to the surface. So I will say it will be easier, maybe not feel easier on your emotions, but it will be easier to start because the energy wants to be released. So it's like opening the door a little bit for you to start exploring this. And remember, it's not about eliminating our shadow. It's about meeting it, accepting it, integrating it into your life. I honestly think shadow work is some of the most important work you will ever do. And not like because it's mystical, but because it literally gives you your power back. It's gonna challenge you, it's gonna be uncomfortable, it's so uncomfortable. I can still remember crying on my floor when I was working through shadow work, but it is deeply, deeply liberating. And when our shadow is integrated, consciously integrated into us, it no longer controls us. And that is where healing begins. So, how do you do shadow work? Great question, thanks for asking. Honestly, there's so many ways you can do it. If you feel like you have a ton of rage, but you have no idea where it's coming from, like you feel like you have mega blinders on, I would say work with a practitioner. Um, yes, it can be energy, but it can be therapy, counseling, like it can be so many different things. It doesn't just have to be like you need to come get Reiki, you know? Um, but if you want to go at this yourself and you have an idea where it's coming from, you can use journaling or writing prompts. Good questions to start with would be like, what triggers me in my relationships or job or whatever area in your life you're trying to deep dive in? What triggers me in XYZ? What do I dislike in others? Or even think of somebody who really triggers you? Like, what bothers me about them? That's a really helpful one. When was the last time I felt embarrassed and why? Or straight up, like, what am I trying to hide? And if you need some guidance, there's a lot of shadow work, like workbooks out there. A good old Google search will show you a ton. I would say peruse and see which one you're called to. I've talked about this book before. It's called Entering the Castle by Carolyn Mess. Holy Hanna, go slow, go slow, go slow. With any of this work, like you're not going to do it in a day. Really, the slower the better, because you you are working on an energetic level and energy needs time to integrate. Um, it especially with entering the castle, she gives you guidelines on like a time frame to work through it. But I will tell you guys, as I've said before, it will break you down to your core. And I mean that in the best way possible. It's really tough. When I said I remember crying on the floor, it was in like the second mansion or whatever, you'll understand if you read the book. Um, but you will you will face every aspect of yourself and you will start and end that book as a different version of yourself. A lot of it is meditation too. You kind of work through aspects and then you go into meditation. So if you're not big on silent meditation, this might not be it, the book for you right now. And I would say that if acupuncture has ever piqued your interest, this is a great season to add it into the mix of shadow work and releasing what's holding you back, releasing on the physical level. Um, acupuncture is just, it's so wonderful and helpful and even throw in some TCM herbs. Okay, get the liver going. I'm excited for you. This is this is great work. I think it's really important work. And I want to help everybody have a little less anger this springtime. So that is all I have for you today, folks. Thanks for being here with me. If you want to continue the conversation, you can find me on Instagram at Alana Crawford underscore. I will see you next Wednesday. If you are Canadian, have the best freaking long weekend. Bye bye.