Burnt Out and Starting Over: How to Rebuild Your Identity After a Career Transition ft. Aaron Tisdale-Parker

What happens when you've done everything right — built the title, earned the stability, created the role — and it still gets taken away?

In this episode, Renae sits down with Aaron Tisdale-Parker (AT), management consultant, former federal project manager, and author, to talk about what it actually looks like to move through identity loss, burnout, and transformation without having a roadmap.

Aaron shares his story of going from washing dishes at a Baltimore stadium to building a role specifically designed around his skills in the public sector — only to have that rug pulled when the administration changed. What followed was a crash course in survival mode, nervous system regulation, and learning the difference between adapting and evolving.

By the end of this episode, you'll understand: — Why burnout is rarely just about overworking (and what betrayal has to do with it) — How to tell the difference between evolving and just surviving — Why perfectionism and identity are keeping more people stuck than hustle ever did — What "one day at a time" actually means when your whole system is in freefall — How to stop forcing and start allowing — without bypassing your responsibilities

This one is for anyone who's ever tied their worth to a title, lost something they built, or found themselves at a crossroads wondering who they are now.

Ways to find Aaron:

Connect with Aaron: https://www.aaronltisdale.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aaronltisdale/

Find Aaron's book here: By the Power Vested in Me: Soulful Affirmations Book (On Amazon) 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We're so conditioned to no longer pursue dreams. We say it's America, do the American dream, yet we're still doing a nine to five when we're 75 years old and probably should be retired.

SPEAKER_02 0:11

This is the system since the industrial age. Just as people, we create jobs. That's just what we do as humans. And there's nothing wrong with a nine to five. I'll just put that out there. However, though, there are so many people, including myself, who put their dreams in the back pocket because we are trying to make a living, right? So we go down that pigeonhole of working a nine to five and being burnt out for various reasons to the point where now we don't have nothing left to give to our creative projects to pursue outside of the traditional nine-to-five space.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

So this is Hustle Rebels, a podcast for people who know how to grind but are starting to question the cost. I'm Renee. And here we talk about success, burnout, and nervous system regulation without glorifying exhaustion or sacrificing your health, relationships, or your sense of self. And without pretending ambition is the problem. Let's get into it. Welcome back to Hustle Rebels. I'm your host, Renee, founder of Wayward Wellness Coaching, and today I am joined by Aaron Tizell Parker, also known as AT, who's a management consultant, former federal project manager, author, and someone who really sits at the intersection of structure and identity. What really stood out to me about Aaron is that he doesn't just talk about transformation in organizations. He also talks about what it actually looks like as a person. So when your roles shift, your identity starts to change, and you're trying to figure out who you are outside of what you do. So we're gonna really get into burnout identity success and what it actually means to evolve without losing yourself in the process. So, Aaron, welcome to the show. And uh why don't you introduce yourself a little bit to those who are listening?

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Thank you so much for the intro. Well, hello to everyone out there. I am Aaron Tisdale Parker, formerly known as AT. Um, I'll start with my origin. I am originally from South Carolina, the Low Country, King Street, small town. I'm a country boy at heart. And around about 2015, I actually moved to the DMV area where I am now in Maryland. And that's when my life actually begun with a lot of transformations, a lot of lessons that came from those transformations in my professional life. I have a very eclectic background. I've worked at Sonic's, McDonald's, banks. I even washed dishes one time, which was probably one of the best jobs that I've had. And then I moved into more of a corporate role. I worked in nonprofit sectors, public sectors as well. And right now I'm at a consulting firm, but that's just the traditional professional space. Aside from that, I am an author, um, also a writer and also an architect of legacy, which is just simply building legacy for those who are coming behind me and my family. And that in itself is a process and it begins with me. So I'm excited to be here to chop it up with you.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

I feel like one of the things that we had bonded over is that flavorful resume. Just like, and not to say bouncing all over, but it is gaining all of that experience. And I feel like that is the epitome of embodying a hustle, the hustle of just learning so much experience. What do you think that you've gained by having so many different experiences and really having such a flavorful resume?

SPEAKER_02 4:07

Ooh, I've actually gained a lot of knowledge about humanity as a whole. Um, each space that I've been in, I literally left with wisdom from those who I worked with, one job in particular, the dishwashing job. I just moved to the DMV area. And at that time, it was a lot going on in 2015, and I was trying to find work. And so I applied for a position at the Baltimore Orioles Stadium, working in the suites and in the kitchen area, preparing, you know, the sweets with the food and things of that nature. And I was a dishwasher, and I remember working with a lot of like elderly folks while I was working. I built that rapport and built that relationship. And they actually questioned why I was there at my young age washing dishes. Like, can you find better work? And I was like, Well, work is work. Like, I have responsibilities, I have things that I need to pay your bills. You know, yeah, need to pay bills. You know, a job is a job. And I and I'm not a stranger to getting my hands dirty. But when I actually asked them, like, what led them to this job, a lot of the stories were, hey, I have responsibility to take care of, I have a family to provide for. I also asked them if you had the opportunity to actually do whatever it is that you actually wanted to do in your life or fulfill that dream, what would it be? And it's like, oh, go back to school, or I will actually become a nurse or a teacher or what have you. So the common thread and all of that is just everyday people sometimes, I don't want to say settle, but they take what they can get at that time because of various reasons. You know, in this economy, it's hard to find work, or you're kind of forced into a situation where you just have to take any job that you can. And so I think the running theme in that is just the learning about people and their stories and their backgrounds and even their own legacy. What is it that they're living out that they will leave behind? And I've been very fortunate to still have those relationships to this day. So just connecting with people and just humanity itself across the board is what I've learned.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Yeah, there's two things that I feel like you hit on that I want to address. And the first one is learning so much about humanity. And I always used to say that everyone should work some type of either retail or kitchen waitress job, because you learn so much in those types of professions or environments, because you have to adapt to an environment that is really difficult dealing with people in a certain manner, especially waitressing, because I had waitresses my first job. You have to learn how to earn your tips when sometimes people are like throwing their food at your face, and you're like, Oh, it's okay, I'll go get you more, you know, like with a smile.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

So it's really interesting to have to be people pleasing, which is, you know, another topic, but at the same time working for your wage. And right the other thing that you hit it on is people settling and then regretting it in their older age and then reflecting back and being like, yeah, if I could do anything else, I would do X, Y, and Z. And I feel like we're so conditioned to no longer pursue dreams. Like we say it's America, we do the American dream, yet we're still doing a nine to five dishwashing, you know, when we're 75 years old and probably should be retired, you know. Um, it's just really interesting.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

And you brought up an interesting point. Like this is the system, right? Since the industrial age, where the jobs started to arise, and then from there, just as people, we create jobs. That's just what we do as humans, and there's nothing wrong with a nine to five. I'll just put that out there. However, though, with knowing that there are so many people, including myself, who sometimes put their dreams in the back pocket because we are trying to make a living, right? So we go down that pigeonhole of working a nine to five and being burnt out for various reasons to the point where now we don't have nothing left to give to our creative projects or whatever it is that we want to pursue outside of the traditional nine to five space. And it's it's very interesting because I've I stay having these conversations with close friends and also my family. Like I came from a family of entrepreneurs. So it's not ironic that I want to go down that road. However, my trajectory may look a little different because, of course, I have responsibilities, right? However, like that entrepreneur spirit is still in me and something that I want to pursue.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

I love that you brought up the beginning of how we've created these nine to fives. And you're right, we've had that conversation it before about that there's nothing wrong with the nine to five because there are some people that like that structure. So I feel like we get it wrong in the American society is that the extreme capitalism just kind of takes over. I feel like I've brought this up in so many other episodes of the podcast, but someone who was another guest had brought up how in Paris they had tried to do Disney Paris. And um, in the society in France, like that there's a nice day out, people just don't work, you know. So when they tried to incorporate Disney, it was just like there was a nice day, the workers left Disney, and so the Americans that were over there doing Disney in France, you know, at Paris, were like, Why are you closing down? Like, I'm here. This is a beautiful day. And people are like, Yeah, it is a beautiful day. That's why we're leaving, you know, because the society is like it's a beautiful day, it's the weekend, it's after 5 p.m. We just go home, we enjoy life, we don't live to work. So yeah, it's really interesting that I feel like we have conditioned ourselves in America that we have to do a nine to five, we have to make sure we're overworking and we're burning out. So, with that said, like a lot of people tie their identity to their role or their title or their work. And when did that feel limiting to you?

SPEAKER_02 11:04

Very early on when I started working. I remember, God bless my grandmother. I call her my G Ma, God rest her. So she was an entrepreneur as well, and she had a cleaning business. And so I used to work with her, and she used to pay me. So just working under her, I learned a lot of structure and way of doing things or how to make a house a home and things of that nature. But it wasn't until I actually got into that structure traditional nine to five, and my first job was at Sonic, where I'm like, okay, I wanted to be more independent. I'm the only child, and I wanted to buy my own school clothes or get a cell phone and things of that nature. But then I learned, wow, in this traditional space, sometimes you're just an employee, and that's it. And there at that time with the supervisor I was working under, um, all he cared about was getting a job done, but didn't too much care about me as a person. And so experiencing that was a shocker to me because I went into the space thinking, like, oh, everyone is going to be empathetic to you being human, right? Like you may need days off, or you just need a mental break or just a break in general um from the workspace. And that wasn't necessarily the case. It's like, are you coming to work? But I just called in and told you that I'm sick. So um, when I transitioned into the traditional workspaces, when I started to learn, yeah, I don't want to pigeonhole myself and tie my identity to a quote unquote role, especially to an employer that most of them really don't care about your humanity. They just care about getting a job done and generating revenue. And business is business, right? But it's the people that actually upkeep the business. So it was very early on that I learned like, yeah, I didn't want to tie my identity to a specific role or like run myself in the ground chasing after a title in a company.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

You didn't want to just be a number.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Yeah, especially in like big corporations, like you just you have an employee ID number for a reason, you know? And sometimes with some employers, that's where it stops. They don't really invest in you as a person. They just sometimes care about you coming to work and getting the job done.

SPEAKER_00 13:43

And at some point, they are so misaligned with all of the employees below them that they don't even remember where they came from. So it's so difficult when you're working for a corporation, especially if you went into that field wanting to make any type of change, depending on whatever that career might be. But I came from the first responder world and working for a private EMS, it feels exactly the same. Especially working for a place that's fire at will. Therefore, you're just replaceable, we'll find someone else, and then you're just on the chopping block.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Yeah, and I've had so many experiences where I don't get fired um over like just petty things, such as like, hey, I need time off or I need to get off early. I've already done 12 hours. Why am I staying to do overtime where I have a personal life outside of this? I've been let go, of course, during COVID. Things change and a lot of people can attest to this. A lot of people haven't been able to bounce back since then. Like a lot of these folks out here are still looking for employment. Then just recently, with my former position in the public sector, when the administration changed, that's when all hell broke loose. With a lot of these agencies, mine in particular, where there was a lot of change management and the administration offering like buyouts. And that's when I had to make a difficult decision to pivot because it's like I understood what my employer were trying to do. They were trying to place me elsewhere so that I won't run the risk of getting laid off. But just that whole process in itself, especially working in the public sector, a lot of these funds come from Congress or the state. When the administration changed, things changed, right? And so when that happened, I remember I had just stepped into a new role that I created for myself. Like literally three years in the game. I've been doing everything right, three consecutive years of being a top performer. And then they saw other skills that I had that I can exercise, and they actually built the role specifically for me. And just when I was on that high of like, I finally am doing something that's remotely close to my background, which is like mass communications or strategic communication. That's when the rug was pulled underneath me and said, Hey, we need to do change management, you need to go back to doing this. And I was okay with it on the outside, but internally, and you talked about this, like my nervous system was just like, no, like we worked hard for this. And I understand that change happened. I'm no stranger to like adapting, but it's like I've been doing this constantly, like seemed like every job that I had, where it's like I had to pivot. And so I had to make that difficult decision. And at the time, I talked it over with my partner, and he was like, just stick it out, stick it out. And I'm like, you don't know how it feels. This is me, this is my journey, and it's a lot going on, and it became a bit too much, and so I made the decision to pivot. And so that's just a prime example of my journey of transformation and change in itself.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

And at some point, the constant hit to your nervous system is gonna take a toll. I mean, that's the whole point of burnout, right? It's not just overworking. I talk about this a lot, is the betrayal of your leadership or your administration, whatever it might be. It's building up something that you've created for so long and then having that rug ripped out from underneath you. That betrayal that can create that burnout. Rarely is burnout like trauma or it can be that overworking, but usually you have that guarded paranoia that something's always gonna happen, or you know, you have that coworker that's always fucking you over, you know, you know. So it's like all these little things in the background that just keep adding up all the time. And you said another thing too that registered something where if you stand up for yourself and you have to make that decision to leave, it just perpetuates the problem in the workplace society because then they know they're just gonna find someone else that's gonna replace you and do that job because the person is just gonna be like, I'm here, I'm gonna do it, you know. Because people like us right now are in the minority. Yes, people are getting tired, but it's there's still, I don't feel like we're still in that shift quite yet, where we're into the majority where people are ready to stand up and be like, I'm tired of all the shit that's happening to me, and we all need to stand up and take our power back because there's always that next person, you know. What do they call them?

SPEAKER_02 18:44

Scabs if the union is like on strike or something, there's always the scabs that are gonna take their interesting thing about the modern day society. Work has evolved over time. Now, in most cases, we are able to work from home or remotely. And I love that because that actually provides me more flexibility, not only just focused on work, but also things that's happening around me, where some people they want to go into the office. Now you have the younger generation. What is it, alpha? Keep up with it now. But now a lot of people are coming like social media influencers. A lot of people are starting their own businesses. And I actually live in a neighborhood which I love to have these mom and pop businesses where they're actually generating income for themselves. And it's great to see, but you're correct, like the shift hasn't quite happened yet because a lot of us are still tied to the traditional way of working. And like I said before, there's nothing wrong with that because we all have responsibilities to take care of. But the problem comes in is when the burnout happens and that now you're taking work home and it's affecting you in your personal life, and that we all should be mindful of.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Right. And I think the hardest thing is that there's the dichotomy of people wanting the change and they say that they want growth, but when things start shifting and they're like resisting really hard, right? When where do you see people really getting stuck the most?

SPEAKER_02 20:28

When change is happening, a lot of people are reluctant to change. I put myself on the cross. Like I crucify myself, and that's something that I had to learn. And maybe it's just in my Scorpio nature, because Scorpios are, and I'm into astrology a little bit, it's all about transformation. And we all have to experience that, right? Change is inevitable. And so people, a lot of people get stuck, or you know, they're at that crossroad where it's like, now what? I've had several conversations with folks around me that was also working for the public sector that had to make that choice to leave or to find other work, or just because they've been working for X amount of years, now they're in a place where it's like, damn, I'm not this title anymore. Now what? And so that's when the real change happens because you're at that crossroad where you're figuring out, and I say this all the time: transformation and change is not linear, it's messy. I've been through that process where it's like, what the fuck? Like, what happens now? I don't have this consistent paycheck coming in, or I don't have this title or this accolade now, and now I have to figure things out. That's where I was this time last year. Like, yes, I had other creative projects, but I was kind of deprived in that area because I gave so much of my energy into the traditional nine to five, and that's something that I had to. Learn over time, like, okay, if I'm going to keep working in these spaces, I need to make sure that I'm given time to whatever projects that is fulfilling to me. So I think the issue is, or the challenge is when that intersection would change where you're transitioning from something that you were so used to, and now you're going into a whole new territory.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Yeah, that is a huge part of it. I had experienced that too when I left the fire department. Retire identity so hard to the fire department, especially guys that retire and they've done it for you know 20, 30 plus years, and then they retire. That's when a lot of divorces happen because they don't know who they are anymore. And speaking about astrology and all that stuff, a lot of those people talk about ego deaths and people think about ego deaths, they think about pride and all that stuff. But in reality, we're supposed to have so many ego deaths all the time. That's when real transformation happens. It's not necessarily pride, it's an identity that we've tied ourselves to. And I totally agree. You're right in saying that when that change starts to happen, sometimes we have that intention where we're like, we are burnt out. And I had that too. You know, I put out an intention, be like, I'm super burnt out from this. I don't know what it looks like, but I need a change. It did not look like what I thought it was gonna look like, and that's what made it so hard because I was like, I don't like this. Obviously, the plan was much better than I could have thought of, but at the same time, I needed to undergo a huge ego death because I was like, No, I'm gonna deny that and I want something different. Sometimes you just have to put that ego aside and be like, No, I'm gonna accept what is better to come.

SPEAKER_02 23:43

Yeah, and sometimes it's difficult, especially when you have responsibilities, right? The bills are gonna keep coming. And I say responsibilities instead of like bills because we all have free will, right? But this is survival. This is what we are kind of like born into, so to speak. Where it's like we have to have a roof over our head, we gotta pay a mortgage or rent, or we need water, we gotta pay the water bill, we need electricity, like everything bills, bills, bills, bills, bills, more responsibilities, right? Just to survive. And I've been in the position where it's like, I want to do a deep dive into my creative projects as well. However, I need something right now because it's still in the beginning stage of like building my brand, my personal brand. It has been years in the works. I'm gonna just keep it 100. I can't even tell you, and we just had a conversation before this, how many times I changed my moniker or my brand name. So many times, but it's not like a depth to those monikers, they're kind of like archetypes that still live within me. But it's like, okay, I'm just me at the end of the day, and I just want to be. But where you're in that transitional period from maybe getting let go from a job and you're trying to figure out what's next, sometimes it's hard to go full out in entrepreneurship or whatever it is that you want to do because you're in survival mode, and that is working your nervous system day in and day out. You wake up applying for jobs or hunting for jobs or doing DoorDash. And I've been there before. Heck, I just did DoorDash with my husband. Sweet. Like you get into that hustle mentality, and sometimes just doing that could be a burnout as well.

SPEAKER_00 25:43

I actually love that you had mentioned the evolution of your own brand because one thing I'm learning, I'm not from an entrepreneur background at all. I thought I was going to retire being a firefighter paramedic. So I never intended to be entrepreneur, business, and my family is blue-collar background. There is nothing in my background that would ever entice me to want to be business woman, anything. So for me to go this route, I'm in the dark with a candle, be like, what am I doing next? You know. So um I keep, I feel like the same way where I keep changing everything and evolving, and then I hear some chirps in the background that's like, you need to have a specific brand. You I don't understand what you're doing. And I'm like, I don't know, I don't understand what I'm doing either. You know, everything's changing, but it's been under a year since I've been trying to do this. And then I hear from successful business people that are like, that's totally fine. Like you are going to evolve as you as a person are evolving because things are gonna change. You don't know what your clientele is, you don't know what anything is until your business is solidified, until everything is really moving. And even then, you're gonna go through seasons where that might change too. And so there was this one successful businesswoman that I was following for marketing tips, and even after 15 years, she completely flipped her whole clientele. So I'm like, even her. So I don't feel as bad knowing that I'm like evolving myself too in less than a year. You're talking about evolving without completely losing yourself as a person. How do you know when you're evolving versus when you're just adapting to survive?

SPEAKER_02 27:25

Ooh, that's a good question. Prime example, which I I kind of like talked about a little bit. I give the example of what I experienced last year because I only talk about what I experienced or what I can relate to, or what I've witnessed with other people around me. So last year, I think it was a hybrid situation where I was evolving, but I was also adapting. I was doing both at the same time, honestly. And that's life. And like I mentioned before, change and transformation is not linear, it can be messy as hell. Like you can be in a twilight zone, like what the hell is going on? But when I had to make that decision to like pivot, and it was my own decision, right? I could have stayed, but my nervous system was just like nah, like it has to be something better than this out there. So I was doing both at the same time. I was evolving and adapting to my situation. And luckily, all praises to the great spirit that I was able to sustain throughout those times. It literally took me from this time last year up until this year to get employed again. But even when I made that decision to step away, I knew this is gonna be a challenge. I'm gonna have to adapt to this change, this personal choice that I made, but I was at peace with it. And I had to make that decision for myself and not worry about what other folks had to say about it or maybe their way of doing things, because you know, sometimes I can buy into what other people want or what they're projecting onto me. But it's like, Aaron, what do you want for yourself? And so it was a process of like growing and adapting to my situation at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

That's such a great way to explain it too, because it isn't linear, so messy, and sometimes we get in our heads because we think that it has to be a certain way, when in reality, it's so many things just mashed together, and then we're questioning ourselves and then we're ruminating, and um, and I feel like as people that tend to be more on the hustle radar, ruminate a lot and we overthink a lot because we're already overworking ourselves, you know. So then we're questioning everything that we're doing, and then at the same time we tend to force a lot of things too, because then we're like, yes, if we're doing this and it's not working, then something must be wrong with us, and if something's wrong with us, then this whole project is wrong, you know. Let me throw it out, you know. It's like the baby's out with the bathwater, with the bathwater, right? People over-emphasize ADHD all the time. But I think it's become like a societal thing where we're just like, if something's wrong with the project, then something's wrong with us, and therefore don't even try anymore. Ironically, I took these ADHD courses not too long ago where a lot of them talked about version one, version two, version three, and then expecting failure. So it's taking all of the blame off of the individual and being like, you are going to expect failure, you're going to expect mistakes in every single version that you do and everything you create. With that, you take what didn't fail and what did fail, you fix what did fail, and then you take what didn't fail and just create the next version. And it's so interesting because I think he worked with the rocket ships like Elon Musk did. But he talked about how they knew that the first rocket that was gonna go up was going to fail. They knew that the next one was going to improve and the next one was going to improve. And here I am, like, I can't even do my first program because no one's going to sign up for it, you know, like just destroying the ecosystem, like with their rocket ships. They're like, who the fuck cares? You know, like I was just saying, I feel like we just get in our heads so often.

SPEAKER_02 31:26

Yeah, and I can attest to that. It's an uphill battle on a daily basis, some more than others, to like get out of my head, you know, stop overanalyzing everything, start picking apart everything from example, like preparing for this. You know, this is my first time being a guest on someone's platform, and I'm very appreciative of it. But when you reached out, I was like, oh me. And then that's when that impulse of syndrome starts setting in. And it's so crazy because it's like, oh, you know, I went to school for mass communications, and one of my dream jobs was to be a radio personality, but that quickly fizzled out because it's kind of like you get hired to get fired, and it's the next face thing. But now you can do your own radio show through podcasts. Um, but even when you gave the invitation and the consideration, I had to fight that impulsive syndrome. I had to get out of my own head and just trust the process. And I believe in synchronicity because this wasn't the only example. One of my friends, and I think I was telling you this, she just launched her book, um, Just Be Shout out to Bahati Heart, my friend, my good mentor, love you, girl. She actually did you her first book, but it turned into a campaign and it's a memoir about unmasking and becoming human again. And she wanted me to MC. And I was like, gosh, mind you, I've done public speaking before, but my nerves get bad, I start over, you know, overanalyzing. I talk fast, I stumble over my words, and it's like, oh my God, like but I had to like really trust the process, and that was another synchronicity. Like, Aaron, you can actually like do this. You didn't hit me up just blindly, like you saw something that you connected with. My friend, she didn't just want me to be an MC blindly, she saw something in me, and she trusted me with her vision, just like how you're trusting me on your platform. So I can attest to it. It's it's a journey of learning how to get out of your own way.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

It's so hard. Getting out of your own way, and then also stop forcing things to happen as well. Yes, like the hardest thing is those things. It's actually something that I put into my newsletter this past week as well, because I was trying to I've been decluttering my house over the last couple of weeks, and there was one thing that I was decluttering, and I found this old bracelet that I had that had this really weird-looking clasp. But I was like, Oh, I'm gonna wear this, it has good memories. And so, as I'm doing it, I'm trying to put the clasp together, and I was like, Oh my god, this is the fucking dumbest class, I can't even get it together. And so I'm literally hyper focusing on it. My boyfriend's like like making fun of me that I'm hyper-focusing on it, and I was like, Fine, then you put it together, you know, and he did it in a second, and I was like, How did you do that? And then he's like, You're forcing it, and I was like, Oh my gosh, and he put it together, and I was like, That is the easiest thing in the world, and then it just and I wasn't even high, like when I was doing it, you know, and these things we think of the like acid tripping and like thinking of these awesome universal ideas, but I was like, what other ways and I am I just forcing things that shouldn't be forced when I should allow things to just come together and the alignment will just happen, the attraction will allow them to happen. I listened to this guy, David Bayer, and he says, Nature doesn't need help, it just needs to not be interfered with, it just needs to be allowed to happen. And there's so many times I'm just like, I need it, I need to prove myself, I need to force it to happen. And sometimes it doesn't need to be proved, and sometimes it doesn't need to be muscled through. I don't know if you've ever felt that way.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

Yeah, I I can write a book. I'm actually working on a memoir talking about like transformation and just what we were talking about, where I had to learn to stop forcing things, and I keep going back to this because it's most recent, what I experienced last year. I think in that moment of moving away from the title of being a project manager, and ooh, I got my first job in the public sector, and this is stable, and this is really good for my life, and yada yada yada, until shit hit the fan and it's like here I am again at this crossroad, having to decide which way I'm gonna go. And in that process of looking for work, I took some time to go back home and spend time with my family, and I'm the only child. And I also have a disabled mother who I don't even look at her disability as a disability because she is Wonder Woman. Shout out to your mom. She's very creative, and that's where I draw my inspiration from. She has her own business with like party decor, she decorates weddings and and things of that nature. And while I was home, it was kind of like rejuvenating because here I am in Maryland, where I'm working, I'm hustling, I'm trying to make a living, I'm trying to build a legacy. But home is always home. And my mom always told me that she was like, if you ever need to come back home, the door is always open. And I've been living in Maryland for over a decade. And I would go home and visit, but I haven't been home like that in a while. I was home for like six months, and I just needed that time to regroup and to recenter myself and living out in the country, like here. I mean, yeah, some places I can walk out and walk barefooted, but we got dogs around here, you know. So being back at home, I really enjoy grounding myself like literally barefoot earth, like the floor, like feeling that energy and being able to redo my mother's ramp, you know, and I bonded with my uncle and just watching them grow older and me kind of like stepping into their positions as carrying the torch. And so alongside with also applying for jobs, and it was at one point where it's just like day and night, like I'm up applying for jobs, I'm on Indeed, I'm on LinkedIn, I'm reaching out to people, I'm using my network pool. I'm like in that moment, I was forcing things until I was like, you know what? This is a moment which was talking about. I'm I'm growing and I'm changing, I'm learning in this moment as I'm adapting to my new situation. And I had to say, you know what? I'm only gonna apply for about three jobs. And I'm gonna be very intentional about the jobs that I apply for because I want to leverage my skills and then also build on new skills as well. And so I literally set my attention to apply for only three jobs a day. Once that's done, I go about my day. Now I had some interviews and I was excited about it, but even in that, I didn't want to get my hopes up because whether or not I was gonna get a call back or anything, or sometimes I didn't receive any callback or feedback whatsoever. But in that moment, I rely heavily on my faith. I've been in this position before, and it always turned out well for me. What's gonna be different now? And so that's when my paradigm started to shift and like enjoy this moment, be present with my family because I've been working all these years. And sometimes it's hard for us to take a vacation because work is so demanding. But that was that moment because of the decision that I made to pivot, I was able to be present. So yeah, I've learned a lot from forcing myself, and then also like it happens. Like, I'm not perfect, I'm human. We all human, we all here, I believe, to learn out of life. You either learn or you repeat the cycle, and so in that moment, I chose to learn from it and keep it moving.

SPEAKER_00 39:45

I can relate on so many levels with going home because I'm from just outside of Buffalo, New York, with the rural area. And so every time I go home, it's just very rejuvenating. I've also been just outside of Boston Mass for just over a decade. So I feel that toll going back to the rural area so many times, and even more so now to the point where I want to move back. So now it's just like great, and it's just to the point you do feel that grounding sensation. You can feel the earth, you can feel the vibration and the energy of just not having to do it, just feels different than the hustle and bustle of Massachusetts, you know. I'm sure it's probably the same in your area because everyone's just go, go, go, go, go all the time. Like, I swear, just going to pick up my groceries yesterday, I almost got hit five times because people is just they're just driving, like no one knows who is around them, they're just driving. Like it's just insanity. People are just so on edge all the time in this area, and I go back home, and people are just kind of more like Sunday drivers, you know. Like, yeah, and I'm a Sunday driver.

SPEAKER_02 41:00

It's so funny because my husband is from South Carolina as well. But you know, just living in a particular place at a certain length of time, you kind of pick up on the habits. Like here in a DMV, I would argue with anybody. We have the worst traffic ever. Like, you literally have to drive for yourself and somebody else because of distractions. Like everyone is like on edge with everything. But when I go back home, it's very relaxed. Like people actually speak, even if they're in their car passing by, like, they'll blow their horns here. That's foreign. If you're blowing a horn, it's like roll rage here, you know. So yeah, I can totally relate.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Yeah, but my parents come to visit. My dad does not let anyone drive his truck and he makes me drive his truck because he does not trust himself driving around because you have to be aggressive, like you will not move into the other lane unless you push yourself in the lane, which is so crazy. It is crazy though, but it reflects also like the hustle culture in higher populated areas. The mentality is just so different when you're in rural areas. But what do you think is an identity that in this whole journey that you've had that you've had to let go of that you didn't quite expect?

SPEAKER_02 42:21

The need of everything being perfect. I'm such a perfectionist, and that's unrealistic. And life shows me that every single time. And it was hard to get out of that mindset because I pride myself on whatever it is that I do or that I'm a part of. I want to make sure that I show up as my best self, right? Like what I put out is a representation of me, and that has been engraved in me through my family. Little do I know that also worked against me, you know, in some areas of my life, because it's like, oh, it has to be perfect. I don't have, like, for an example, I can't do a podcast and I don't have podcast equipment. Hello, I got a phone, just that simple, right? Right, I got hell, AirPods and things of that nature. So just like letting go the identity of being perfect. And and it's I watch a lot of like podcasts and a lot of folks that talk about spirituality on YouTube. And it's this guy that I follow that goes by the name of Dolo the Polit. And he talks about everything under the sun, but just metaphysical stuff. Shout out to you, Dolo. He said something that was so profound. He was like, it's not about being perfect, it's perfecting your imperfections. And even in that, you're not perfect, that's unrealistic, but it's every day you strive to be better. Will you mess up? Hell yeah. Will you get it wrong sometimes? Yes, but this is the school of life, like you're here to learn. And extract those lessons and apply it and become better.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

I love that. So when you're actually starting to redefine success for yourself, how do you redefine that success about yourself without feeling like you're screwing up all the time? Because it is that mindset that you have to start change. But you're gonna start continually telling yourself, well, I'm screwing it up, I'm screwing it up.

SPEAKER_02 44:24

Yeah. Success to me now, because I used to think that success is things, right? And that may be true to some people. I feel like success is personal, but society has a structure of what success looks like, right? But I I've learned over time is that success to me is that each and every day that I'm given the opportunity to experience life. And I know that I'm not perfect. However, however, taking the lessons that I've learned and applying that, that's where that wisdom, like you have to work the knowledge. That's what becomes wisdom. As long as I keep putting my best foot forward and figuring things out, because all I need is breath in my body and the ability to like move and have my being, that's enough for me. Everything else I can figure out, everything is figure outable, if that's a word. So that's what success looked like to me. And it's a daily thing, it's not like a milestone. Yes, there are certain milestones where it's like, oh, you know, this is success, but we are kind of wired as human beings to also look for the next thing. Like, okay, now what? Constantly reinventing our brand or ourselves, and that's normal, but success is just like, man, are there any lessons learned from my day? Yep. Did I get it wrong? Yes, it's okay, don't beat myself up. And so that's why I'm continuously putting it into practice, and that's what success looked like to me. Aside from like accolades and getting the job, and all those things are tangible. What I care about is my soul, my nervous system, because that's the foundation of life and how we have our experience.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

Exactly. Because the you had said it earlier in the podcast, too, that you had said that you thought you had made it because you had that stability, and it is a hard thing. That's an identity to that's hard to break because I thought the same thing I got in the fire department that I got my retirement, my pension, you know, I finally made it. But at the same time, it can be ripped from you at any point. You know, all of these things can be ripped from you. We have noticed that, especially during the COVID years that are abhorred, you know, that any of these can be taken away. And so, yeah, for someone who is listening and feels like they have outgrown that identity or they're shifting into a new identity. What do you think is one honest step that they can take without feeling like their whole life is blowing up overnight?

SPEAKER_02 47:04

I keep hearing take it one day at a time. It's simple, but that can be the hardest thing that you can do. My grandmother used to sing this spiritual song like one day at a time. Sweet Jesus, this is all I'm asking of you. Sometimes you have to take it moment by moment, minute by minute, second by second, until you get to a point to where you can self-regulate, you know, in the most healthiest way. But you just got to take it one day at a time. Don't be hard on yourself. It's easier said than done. And always remember, too, like you may think you have it bad, but I encourage you to look outside of yourself and what other people are going through because it's somebody out there somewhere in the country that wish they were in your shoes, you know? So just take it one day at a time and don't be hard on yourself.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

I feel like that is a great point to land on because this has been an absolute solid conversation. I have thoroughly enjoyed it absolutely from start to finish.

SPEAKER_02 48:08

Likewise.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

If people are listening and they're like, all right, I need way more of this and everything that Aaron has to say, where is the best place for them to be able to find you, connect with you, or check out all of your work?

SPEAKER_02 48:21

All right, y'all. So things are a little messy right now because I'm going through a rebranding. It's life, you know, it's not picture perfect, but you can follow me on Instagram at Aaron A-A-R-O-N L for Lewis Tisdell T-I-S-D-A-L-E. So that's Aaron L Tisdale, all one word, phrase, name on Instagram. You can also check out my website, which I'm in the middle of like rebranding. You can go to Sage, that's S-A-G-E-V T-H-E-E creator. That's C-R E, the number eight, C O R dot com. So Sage the Creator.com. And also check out like my my book that I co-written with my friend Sarita's. Shout out to you, Sarita. 2023 is when I launched my first baby, my debut book, entitled By the Power Vested in Me, So for Affirmations. And it's a book of 1,000 affirmations. She did 500, I did 500. And those affirmations derive from like real life experience where we're like just talking to ourselves in a positive way. Because sometimes when we in life transitions, we have a lot of negative things, and these affirmations stems from financial relationships, you know, what have you. So check that out. It's available on Amazon. You can also go to soulful affirmations.com to check that out. And yeah, I appreciate you so much for having me on your platform.

SPEAKER_00 50:03

I love that book. I love the idea of that too. There's so much science behind the fact of gratitude and affirmations, and that our bodies and our nervous systems listen to the way that we speak to ourselves. Yeah. I know I hate when people say like it's just woo-woo and it's just stupid to do that and it's weird. But there's so much science to actually speaking that stuff to us and starting our team with it in our reticular activating system and filtering out the way that we view the world. Um so that's great. I love that you guys have that out there. Yeah, all of those links are going to be in the show notes for you to be able to find Aaron and um the book and the connection to be able to check them out. So definitely if this episode resonated with you guys, don't just sit on it. Share it with people who have been questioning these things lately. And also make sure that you're following the podcast so you don't miss upcoming conversations like this one. And if you're ready to start doing this work for yourself, not just thinking about it, check out all of the links and resources in the show notes, along with all the ways, like I said, that you can connect with Aaron. So we will catch you guys next week.