The Cracks - When Life Looked Like It Was Just Beginning | EP2

From the outside, everything was moving forward.

A new country.
A growing business.
A relationship that felt full of possibility.

It looked like the start of a beautiful new chapter.

But beneath the momentum… small cracks were forming.

In this episode, I share what it felt like to be building a life that appeared strong — while slowly losing my voice inside it.

How ambition can mask exhaustion.
How love can blur self-trust.
How success can quietly coexist with insecurity.

Because sometimes, life doesn’t fall apart all at once.

It unravels quietly —
even while everything seems to be just beginning.

Email: elenaswy@gmail.com

IG: @elenaswenyu

Transcript

Hi, this is Elena. Welcome to How I Met Jesus —

In this episode, I’ll keep talking about my life before Jesus.

When I received my visa and officially moved to the United States… 

That’s the year of 2023.

It truly felt like I had been given a second life.

A chance to begin again. 

I could feel a new future opening up in front of me.

And at first… life was so generous.

I had a stable job with a very good salary.

New opportunities kept appearing.

A lot of friends in China began reaching out,

asking if I could help them bring their products to the America.

Suddenly, I wasn’t just surviving in a new country anymore.

I was building something.

On weekends, you could find me wandering through flea markets,

walking the endless aisles of wholesale plazas, studying products, pricing, customers.

I could feel it deep in my bones — 

with the strength of Chinese manufacturing behind me…  

maybe I really could create a place for myself here. Maybe I really could build a future.

So I worked. All the time.

Weekdays at my  job. Weekends running vendor booth.

I barely rested. But I didn’t mind. 

Because everything felt possible.

Less than a year later… I opened my own retail store in Los Angeles.

Sometimes I still can’t believe how fast it all happened.

From newcomer… to business owner.

It felt like proof / confirmation that I was exactly where I was meant to be.

That all the risk, all the courage it took to cross an ocean… was worth it.

And around that same time…

I fell in love. Let’s call him Steven.

For a while, it felt like our lives were moving in the same direction.

We were both builders.

Both dreamers.

Both drawn to possibility.

 When we discovered the emerging world of live-stream e-commerce,

we saw opportunity everywhere.

So I made what felt like the boldest decision yet:

I left my stable job in Los Angeles —

and moved to Kansas City, where Steven had lived for nearly twenty years.

I was stepping into the unknown again.

But this time… I wasn’t scared.

It felt exciting.

Like my life was getting bigger.

Like love and ambition

were moving me forward at the same time.

Looking back now…

that was the season when my life looked the most alive. 

The business was growing. Love felt exciting.

The future seemed wide open.

But here is something I didn’t understand at the time:

Not everything that looks like growth…is healthy.

And not every partnership…is safe.

I thought I was stepping into the strongest chapter of my life.

But I didn’t know… it was the chapter that would break me down.

Steven taught me a lot about business.

He pushed me to think bigger. Move faster. Take bolder risks.

In many ways, he accelerated my growth as an entrepreneur.

But quietly… something else was growing too.

He expected a lot from me. And his words… usually very sharp.

And slowly — without realizing it — I started measuring my worth by his approval.

When he was pleased, I felt “I’m valuable”.

When he criticized me… I felt small.

At first, I told myself this was just part of becoming stronger.

That pressure meant progress. That discomfort meant growth.

So I adapted. Tried harder. Worked longer. Demanded more from myself.

But over time… his voice became louder than my own.

I began to trust his judgment more than my own.

If he believed something would work, I felt certain it would.

But if he said it wouldn’t… I didn’t even dare to try.

I stopped trusting myself.

When I shared ideas, they were often dismissed quickly.

Sometimes before I had even finished explaining.

And after a while… I stopped bringing them up altogether.

It just felt easier that way. Safer.

But what I didn’t realize then…

was that each time I silenced my voice,

I was quietly teaching myself a new belief:

Maybe I’m not capable.

Maybe I don’t see things clearly.

Maybe… I’m just not enough.

And without noticing it…

I stopped showing up as the woman I used to be.

Well, Success was expanding my world.

But shame… was shrinking my heart.

I didn’t have language for it then.

But now I know:

a life can look successful on the outside,

while inside…

everything is falling apart.

And that is a very lonely place to live.