I Am Beloved | EP4

For most of my life, I didn’t just feel alone — I felt unchosen.

In this episode, I share how my understanding of love began to change after encountering Jesus. Growing up in China during a complicated cultural season, I quietly formed the belief that love had to be earned — through performance, strength, and achievement.

But what if love isn’t something we fight for?

What if we are already chosen?

This episode is about healing the part of me that believed I had to prove my place — and discovering a love that didn’t require performance.

Not dramatic.
Not loud.
Just steady.

A quiet healing from the inside out.

If you’ve ever felt unseen, unworthy, or quietly alone — this one is for you.

Email: elenaswy@gmail.com

IG: @elenaswenyu

Transcript

How I Met Jesus — Episode 4

I Am Beloved

Hi, this is Elena. Welcome to How I Met Jesus.

Last episode, I shared what happened in Dallas —

the night I felt held for the first time.

But what happened after that

was even more life-changing.

Because the first lesson Jesus taught me… was love.

Not how to behave.

Not how to improve.

But how to receive love.

For most of my life,

I didn’t just feel alone.

I felt… unchosen.

There’s a difference.

I was born in China during a complicated time —

the one-child policy, old traditions, unspoken preferences:

in a culture where sons were often valued more than daughters.

I spent my early childhood living with my grandparents.

I didn’t move back to live with my parents until I was 12-year-old.

As a child, I didn’t understand policies or culture.

All I knew was this: I wasn’t there.

And in a child’s heart, distance always means something.

The meaning I gave it was:

Maybe I wasn’t wanted enough.

Maybe I was easier to leave than to keep.

At eighteen, I left home again for university.

The city I studied was as far from my hometown

as New York is from San Francisco.

I only went back during long holidays.

Distance became normal.

Independence became survival.

I trained myself not to need too much.

I could go two or three months without calling my parents.

Not because I didn’t care.

But because somewhere inside,

I had already decided: 

I am on my own.

So when I say, I believed love had to be earned—

it didn’t begin in adulthood.

It began there.

If I performed well…

If I achieved something…

If I became strong enough…

then maybe I would finally feel chosen.

Maybe I would finally feel kept.

But underneath all that striving was a quiet fear:

What if no one really sees me?

What if I am fundamentally alone?

When I met Jesus, He didn’t start by correcting me.

He didn’t start by asking me to change.

He began by healing that little girl.

The one who believed she had to earn her place.

The one who quietly concluded

she was easier to leave than to keep.

And for the first time in my life…

I felt chosen.

I didn’t have to prove myself.

I didn’t have to earn it.

I was loved simply because of who I am.

And once that truth began to settle inside me,

I started seeing love differently.

I saw it in my parents. They were still far away in China.

We weren’t living in the same country.

But I began to recognize the sacrifices they had made.

The quiet support they had always given.

Their love hadn’t suddenly appeared.

My eyes had changed.

I saw it in my church community too.

People who owed me nothing.

People who gained nothing by caring about me.

And yet they showed up.

They checked in. They prayed.

They supported me without expecting anything in return.

For the first time, I experienced love with no strings attached.

Love that didn’t require performance.

Love that simply said: You belong here.

And the most profound shift was this:

I began to believe that Jesus loved me.

Not in theory. Not just as a belief.

But personally.

Like He knew me — all of me — and still chose me.

That changed something foundational inside me.

I felt… held.

As if there was a strength beneath me

that I didn’t have to manufacture anymore.

And strangely, I wasn’t as afraid.

Not because life became easier. But because I no longer felt alone in it.

At the beginning, I thought knowing Jesus would change everything overnight.

That my fears would disappear.

That my habits would instantly improve.

But that’s not what happened.

The transformation was quiet.

It happened in small moments. Daily awareness.

Subtle shifts in how I saw myself. 

I began noticing parts of me that I had ignored for years.

Old hurts. Hidden insecurities. Patterns of self-abandonment.

And instead of judging those parts of me…

I felt safe enough to face them.

There was healing.

It wasn’t dramatic.

It wasn’t loud.

Just steady.

A quiet healing from the inside out.

Before God asked me to grow, He wanted me to know I was loved.

Before He changed my behavior, He changed my identity.

I am beloved.

Not because I earned it.

Not because I proved my worth.

Not because I held everything together.

But simply because I am His.

And maybe… if you’ve ever felt unchosen, unseen, or quietly alone—

this is what I hope you’ll remember:

You are not fighting for love.

You are not trying to earn love.

You are already loved.

You are already chosen.

You are already held.

And this is the truth.

Well, in the next episode, I want to share what happens

when love doesn’t just heal you— but begins to move through you.

The afternoon I watched a pastor pray for a homeless woman and her child…

and I realized, love is not abstract.

It shows up. And I wanted to learn how.

Until next time… remember this:

You are not on your own.

You are beloved.