When Fear Was Driving My Life | EP6

In this episode, I share a deeply personal story about a season when fear quietly shaped my decisions — especially in love and business.

After meeting Jesus, I thought life would feel safer. I believed faith would protect me from major loss. But instead, I discovered something unexpected: fear doesn’t disappear. It changes form.

I talk about the moment I almost lost both a relationship and a company, how fear disguised itself as “logic,” and what I learned about identity, security, and surrender.

This episode is about recognizing when fear is driving your life — and learning to pause before it makes your decisions for you.

If you’ve ever stayed somewhere out of fear of losing everything… this conversation is for you.

Email: elenaswy@gmail.com

IG: @elenaswenyu

Transcript

How I Met Jesus — Episode 6

When Fear Was Driving My Life

Hi, this is Elena.

Welcome to How I Met Jesus.

As we grow older, we experience moments that feel life-defining.

And every time I survived something big, I used to think —

“Okay. After this… I should be able to handle life now.”

After a business setback.

After a broken heart.

After moving countries.

And even after I met Jesus.

I thought — “Now that I have God… maybe life will finally be protected.

Maybe I won’t have to go through that kind of pain again.”

But that’s not how it works.

Fear doesn’t disappear. It just changes form.

Money anxiety upgrades. Relationships evolve into deeper challenges.

Success brings new pressure. Faith doesn’t eliminate struggle.

I’m gonna share something happened about a year ago.

This was about Steven, my ex-boyfriend. I mentioned him in my 2nd episode.

From the outside, everything looked successful.

The business was growing. We worked well together. Sales Revenue was increasing.

But inside the relationship, something was shrinking in me.

I started losing my sense of worth.

I became smaller. More careful. More anxious. More dependent.

I couldn’t find myself in that relationship anymore.

So after coming back from Dallas, I told him I wanted to break up.

I told him honestly:

“I feel like I’m disappearing in this relationship.

I cannot continue like this.”

He didn’t understand.

In fact, he thought I was being ridiculous.

He said: “Our business is doing great. We work perfectly together. Why are you creating drama?”

He kept saying he had never disrespected me.

Never dismissed my feelings. Never spoken down to me. Never made me feel small.

And the more he denied it… the more confused I became.

Because I started questioning myself.

Was I imagining everything?

Was I too sensitive?

Was my pain fake?

That was the deeper fear.

Not losing him. I was losing trust in my own feelings.

I told him we could still work together. We could remain business partners.

I just didn’t want the romantic relationship anymore.

And then he said something that froze me.

He said:

“If you insist on breaking up, then we end the company too. I can’t work with you like that. We’ll dissolve everything.”

In that moment… My entire body went cold.

I saw it all collapsing in my mind:

The warehouse emptied.

The team scattered.

The livestreams business gone.

Almost two years of relentless work — just gone.

And the fear wasn’t just about money.

It was layered.

The first layer is Financial loss.

The second layer is my Identity. That company had become proof of my value.

The third layer is Security.

If the business disappears… who am I?

Am I back to zero?

Have I ruined everything?

Have I ruined it for everyone?

Was I too selfish? Immature? Too emotional?

All those thoughts rushed in at once.

And in that moment…

I didn’t choose courage. I chose fear.

I told myself:

Maybe I’m overreacting.

Maybe I should just endure.

Maybe this is what maturity looks like.

Maybe I can handle it.

But later I realized something very important:

Many of the decisions I once called “rational” 

were actually fear making the decision for me.

Meeting Jesus didn’t remove fear from my life.

It made me more aware of it.

Faith is not about shielding me from the storm.

Faith is about helping me not lose myself in the storm.

True growth is not — “I will never fall again.”

It is — “When fear shows up again, can I recognize it?”

That time, I didn’t.

But later, I learned something even more important:

Fear itself is not the most dangerous thing.

The real danger is when we don’t see it clearly.

Podcasting, for me, is not about delivering opinions.

It’s about growing alongside you.

I don’t want to pretend I’ve always been brave.

I want to tell you honestly —

I’ve compromised before.

I’ve been driven by fear before.

I’ve treated my business as the only source of security before.

But today, I am learning something new.

When fear arrives, I don’t rush into a decision.

I pause.

And I say to God: “I am afraid.”

I used to think spirituality meant protection.

Now I understand — It means alignment.

Courage is not the absence of fear.

Courage is walking forward with God’s strength.

Even now, one year later,

as I speak about this… I can feel that uncomfortable wave in my body.

My chest tightens. My stomach sinks.

It’s interesting how the body remembers.

But something has changed.

Back then, fear controlled me.

Today, I can observe it.

That’s growth.

Faith is not a one-time solution.

It is a continuous dialogue.

And if my story helps you recognize fear in your own life —

even just a little sooner —

Then this conversation is worth it.

Next time fear rises in your life…

Don’t rush to fix it.

Don’t rush to suppress it.

Just pause.

And say: “I see you.”

And maybe… invite God into that space.

Because alone, our strength is limited.

But when we align with something higher —

We grow beyond survival. We grow into wisdom.

Today I want to add a prayer for the version of me from a year ago.

Dear Lord,

Tonight, I want to pray for the woman I was a year ago.

The woman who was afraid.

The woman who felt small.

The woman who believed she might lose everything if she chose herself.

She was not weak. She was overwhelmed.

She wasn’t irrational. She was trying to survive.

God, I pray You would wrap Your gentleness around that version of me.

Remind her that losing a company

would not mean losing her worth.

Remind her that walking away

would not mean failure.

Remind her that security

never came from a relationship or a business to begin with.

Forgive her for choosing fear.

And thank You for not abandoning her

even when she couldn’t recognize her own fear.

Thank You for staying.

Thank You for being patient.

And thank You

that even through compromise,

You were still shaping her.

In Jesus’s Name,

Amen.