Reclaiming My Identity | EP11

After years of questioning my worth and searching for love in the wrong places, I began to realize something important: much of my identity had been shaped by fear, expectations, and old stories about who I was supposed to be.

In this episode, I share the journey of reclaiming my identity — not from success, approval, or past wounds, but from a deeper understanding of who I am in God’s eyes.

What happens when we stop trying to prove our value and begin to receive it?

This episode reflects on how faith can reshape the way we see ourselves, and how reclaiming our identity is often the first step toward living with freedom, courage, and peace.

Because sometimes the most powerful transformation in life begins with one quiet realization:

You are not who the world told you you had to be.

Email: elenaswy@gmail.com

IG: @elenaswenyu

Transcript

Hi, this is Elena.

Welcome to How I Met Jesus.

Before we dive into today’s episode, I want to take a moment to thank everyone who has been supporting this podcast. To the friends who have encouraged me, sent messages, and shared kind words — thank you so much. Your support truly means a lot to me.

To be honest, I had many fears and worries about sharing these stories publicly. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if I should continue. But because of your encouragement, your kindness, and your belief in me — I’ve found the courage to keep going.

I’m truly grateful that you’re here on this journey with me.

Alright, back to the story. After everything that happened, I made a decision.

I left Kansas last year. That place had become too painful for me.

Every corner reminded me of loss, confusion, and everything that had fallen apart.

I didn’t want to hold on to it anymore. So I went back to California.

In some ways, it felt like starting over again.

I began rebuilding my business in Los Angeles.

It wasn’t easy. Starting again always comes with uncertainty.

But I was also fortunate. When I was back to LA, a few friends stepped in and helped me. Their kindness reminded me that even when life falls apart, we are never completely alone.

During that time, I also returned to church.

Every week, I showed up — Sunday worship and Friday night Bible study.

Church became a place where I could bring my confusion, my fears, and all the questions I didn’t have answers for.

And slowly, I began reconnecting with Jesus.

There were many moments during that season when I felt completely alone.

Moments when fear would show up.

Moments when anxiety and uncertainty would take over.

Sometimes I felt lost. Sometimes I felt angry.

Angry about what had happened.

Angry about how much I had lost.

And in those moments, I began to learn something new.

I learned to pray. I learned how to bring my fears and anxieties to God,

how to surrender the things I couldn’t control,

and trust that I didn’t have to carry everything on my own.

Looking back now, those two months I spent alone in LA

were actually a very important time for me.

They gave me space to slow down and reflect on my life.

To rethink my past,

to process everything that had happened,

and to begin seeing things more clearly.

That quiet season helped me grow in ways I didn’t even realize at the time.

And slowly, I began asking a deeper question:

If all the roles I carried disappeared… who am I?

For most of my life, my identity had been built on many different things.

Other people’s expectations.

My ability to adapt.

The roles I played.

The responsibilities I carried.

But none of those things were truly stable.

Because the moment circumstances changed,

those identities could disappear.

And slowly, through prayer and reflection, I began to understand something new.

My identity was never supposed to come from how useful I was to others.

It’s not how well I adapted to difficult environments.

And it’s not how successful my business was.

It’s not built on the roles we play in society.

True identity is something deeper.

It is who you are in the eyes of God.

And what I began to discover was this:

In God’s eyes, I am not the “easy child.”

I am not just the “good girl” who tries to keep everyone happy.

I am not someone who has to disappear to keep the peace.

I am not defined by my past mistakes, my fears, or the roles I once carried.

In God’s eyes, I am someone who is loved.

Someone whose voice matters.

Someone who is allowed to exist fully.

Not because I earned it.

But because that’s how I was created.

And I also began to realize that so much of my life had been shaped by fear.

Fear of conflict,  rejection, losing everything.

For most of my life, I was trying to become someone strong enough to survive everything.

But I’m so grateful that faith was teaching me something different.

I didn’t have to build my identity

on fear,

on performance,

or on the roles I had to play.

My identity was already secure in the eyes of God.

And that realization didn’t change my life overnight.

But it gave me a new foundation.

A foundation that was no longer built on survival, but on truth.

Before we end today, I want to take a moment to pray.

Father Lord,

Thank You for meeting me in the middle of my confusion and pain.

Thank You for staying with me even when I was lost,

even when I didn’t understand what was happening in my life.

Help me remember that my identity is not defined by my past,

my mistakes, or the roles I once carried.

Teach me to see myself the way You see me.

Teach me to live not from fear, but from love.

And as I continue this journey,

help me trust that You are guiding my steps.

Amen.