Money Was My Chasing Goal | EP27

For a long time, money was how I measured everything — my success, my value, even my life. But even when I had more… it never felt like enough.

In this episode, I share a personal shift I’ve been experiencing — from chasing money to questioning what I was really looking for all along. Through honest reflection, I talk about anxiety, expectations, and what it feels like to have less… but finally feel more at peace.

I made more money before… but felt less peace.

Maybe money was never the real goal.

Transcript

How I Met Jesus — Episode 27

Money Was My Chasing Goal

Hi, this is Elena.

Welcome back to How I Met Jesus.

Last week, I’ve been talking a lot about money, money, money. In my podcast. In conversations with friends. Even just in my own thoughts. And I realized something. This is not just a topic. It feels like I’m standing at a turning point in my life. Because for a long time, money was something I was chasing. It was how I measured success. It was how I evaluated myself. And if I’m honest… sometimes it was how I evaluated other people too.  If I were making more, I felt like I was doing better. If I wasn’t, I felt like something was wrong.

But recently, my life has looked very different. For the past few months, my income has not been stable. I’ve been doing some online business, selling things here and there, like facebook marketplace, ebay, or tiktok. But after Christmas, everything slowed down. These three months, I only make around $1,000 to $2,000 per month. Just enough to cover rent and basic living expenses.

At the beginning, that made me very anxious.

I remember thinking:

How am I going to sustain this?

What if this continues?

What if I run out of money?

And part of me thought maybe I should just get a regular job. Something stable. Something predictable. But at the same time… I didn’t want to. I didn’t feel ready to go back to that kind of life. Working long hours. Feeling constantly exhausted.

And strangely… even in this uncertain situation, my life didn’t feel like it was falling apart. I still had a good place to live. I still had food to eat. And I realized… my quality of life hasn’t actually decreased. And slowly, something inside me began to shift.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend. I told him, “My business hasn’t been doing well lately. It’s been really slow.” And he asked me a simple question: “How many hours are you actually working each week?” I paused for a moment and said, “Probably less than 10 hours.” He looked a little surprised. “Each day?” I said, “No… each week.” And then he said: “Well… that sounds fair. You earn what you put in. If you’re not putting in the time, you can’t expect the same level of income.” That sentence hit me harder than I expected. Because he was right.

In the past, I used to work 10 hours a day and still felt like it wasn’t enough. And now, I was working less than 10 hours a week. So why was I expecting the same level of income? And in that moment, I saw something clearly. It wasn’t just about money. It was about my expectations. Because in the past, even when I was making $10,000 to $20,000 a month, I still felt like it wasn’t enough. There was always more to chase. More to prove. More to compare. And that mindset never gave me peace. But now, with just enough to cover my basic needs, something unexpected happened. I realized… I was okay.

And that changed something in me. Because for the first time, I began to see the difference between having more… and needing more. There was a time I had more money… but less peace. And now, even with less income, I feel something different - a kind of quiet sufficiency. Not because everything is perfect. But because I’m no longer measuring my life the same way.

And I started to see something deeper. Maybe the way I used to define success was never really about fulfillment. It was about pressure. About proving something. About trying to reach a standard that always kept moving. 

And now, through everything I’ve been experiencing, I feel like God is gently showing me something different. That the world’s definition of success and God’s definition of success are not the same.

The world says: More money. More achievement. More status.

But what I’m beginning to learn is: Peace. Contentment. Trust. 

And maybe real success is not about how much I have. It’s about how I live with what I have. 

I thought money would make me feel enough. But now I’m learning that peace is what I was actually looking for. And I’m still in the middle of this journey. I don’t have everything figured out. I’m still learning how to balance faith and responsibility, trust and action. But I do know this. Something inside me is changing. And for the first time, money is no longer the center of everything.

Before we end today, I want to share a verse with you. This was one of the first passages that made me cry when I was reading the Bible. It says:

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than them?” Matthew 6:26

And every time I find myself overwhelmed by anxiety about the future, I come back to this. Because it gently reminds me: If even the birds are taken care of, how much more will God take care of us? And in that moment, something inside me softens. Maybe… we are not as alone or as unprotected as we think.

Ending Prayer

Let’s pray. 

Dear Lord,

Thank You for walking with me through every season of my life, even the uncertain ones.

Thank You for staying with me in the moments when I felt afraid, when I questioned the future, and when I didn’t know how things would work out.

Thank You for gently showing me that my life is not defined by how much I earn, how much I achieve, or how much I can control.

So often, I place my trust in numbers, in plans, and in the things I can measure. But You keep reminding me that true security does not come from what I have. It comes from You.

Lord, help me trust You more than I trust numbers.

Help me trust Your provision more than my fear.

Help me remember that even when things feel unstable on the outside, You are still steady.

Teach me how to live with peace, even when life is not fully settled.

Teach me how to rest without guilt, work without panic, and move forward without being driven by fear.

When anxiety about money rises in my heart, remind me that You already know what I need.

When I feel pressure to measure my worth by income or success, remind me who I am in Your eyes.

And when I am tempted to chase the world’s definition of success, gently lead me back to what is truly meaningful.

Guide me to build a life that is not only successful in the world’s eyes, but deeply rooted in Your truth.

A life marked by peace, trust, purpose, and faithfulness.

A life that reflects Your presence more than my performance.

And please continue to heal the fears I carry around money, security, and the future.

Show me where those fears come from, and teach me how to surrender them to You, one step at a time.

Thank You for providing for me in ways I did not always notice.

Thank You for carrying me through seasons I thought I would not survive.

Thank You for never leaving me alone.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Maybe money was never the real goal. Maybe it was the feeling I thought it would give me. And now… I’m finally learning where that feeling really comes from. 

Thank you for being here and listening. If this episode resonated with you, feel free to share it with someone who might need it. And if you have your own story, testimony, or questions, I would truly love to hear from you.

Until next time,

take a deep breath…

and remember —

you are already loved.