Learning to Forgive Myself After Failure | EP28

In this episode, I share a difficult season in my business journey—losing accounts, money, and partnerships—and how it impacted my confidence and mindset. More importantly, I reflect on what these experiences taught me about failure, growth, and self-forgiveness. 

If you’re navigating setbacks, self-doubt, or the fear of trying again, this episode offers a perspective that may help you move forward with more clarity and compassion.

Transcript

How I Met Jesus — Episode 28

Learning to Forgive Myself After Failure

Hi, this is Elena.

Welcome back to How I Met Jesus.

Today’s episode is going to be a little different. I’m not here to teach. I’m not here to share a success story. I just want to be honest with you.

Over the past few months, I went through one of the hardest seasons in my business. I started my live streaming business in California. I stayed there for a couple of months last year. Then I made the decision to move back to Kansas City. Even though, deep in my heart, I felt like Kansas would bring me more peace… My business didn’t follow that same feeling. Instead… things started to fall apart.

The live shopping account I had built up—over 7,000 followers— suddenly died after I changed location and products. So I tried again. This time, I decided to collaborate with streamers. I provided everything— the space, the products, the hiring, the fulfillment. They provided the accounts and went live. At that time, I had a big vision. I thought… maybe I could work with 100 streamers.

But reality was very different. I supported 6 or 7 streamers. Sent them free samples. And one by one… they disappeared. No replies. No explanation. One of them even owed me around $4000… and just vanished. At the same time, my TikTok and Poshmark seller accounts got restricted because of negative reviews. Payments were frozen. And on top of that… I had around $80,000 worth of inventory that wasn’t moving. A lot of pressure hit me all at once.

And I was thinking…

“Maybe I’m just not good at business.”
“Maybe I’m not meant to do this.”

I started blaming myself for everything.

Why didn’t I see this earlier?
Why did I trust the wrong people?
Why did I make so many mistakes?

And it didn’t just stop there, I kept questioning myself, over and over again.

“Am I just not cut out for business?”
“Is my judgment really that bad?”
“Why can other people do it… but I can’t?”

Those thoughts… they didn’t just come once. They kept repeating in my mind. Again and again. And slowly… they started to feel like the truth. For the past two months… I lost a lot of my motivation. I became afraid. Afraid to try again. Afraid to fail again. So I stayed in a very safe space. Only doing things I knew I could handle.

Recently… I started reading a book called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. And it talks about something called a fixed mindset and a growth mindset. That made me realize something about myself. I was treating every failure… like proof that I wasn’t good enough. Instead of seeing it as part of the process. I had fallen into a trap—Where I equated failure with my ability. Where results became my self-worth.

And every time I faced a setback… my instinct was to stop. To protect myself. Because deep down… I was trying to avoid proving, one more time, that “I’m not good enough.” But then I started to look at everything differently. What if these “failures”… weren’t failures at all? What if they were lessons I paid for?

Because when I really sat down and looked at it, I realized— I’ve learned things that most people never learn. I learned how fragile an account can be. How changing location or product can completely affect performance. I learned the real risk of working with people without structure. No contract… often means no accountability. I learned how platforms actually work. How one negative shift can freeze everything—accounts, payments, momentum. And I learned something very important about money— that moving too fast, without rhythm, can create pressure that breaks you.

And the truth is… Some people spend years— or even hundreds of thousands of dollars— to learn these lessons. But for me… It all came at once. In one painful season.

And then… I started reading something about forgiveness. It said: 

Forgiveness doesn’t start with other people. It starts with you.

That really stayed with me. Because I realized…I never forgave myself. I was still blaming myself for not knowing earlier, for not seeing things sooner, for not doing everything right.  But the truth is— I wasn’t just learning business. I was learning reality.

That people don’t always stay.
That platforms are unpredictable.
That systems matter more than intentions.

And most importantly—Mistakes are not a reflection of who I am. They are a reflection of where I was.

So I made a decision. To stop judging myself. To understand that every decision I made back then… was the best decision I could make with what I knew at the time. I wasn’t trying to fail. I was trying to figure things out.

So I started talking to myself differently. Not like a judge… but like someone who understands. I told myself: You didn’t know everything. You were trying your best. And you were brave enough to start.

If you’re listening to this right now, and you feel like you’ve failed—I just want to say this to you: 

You are not behind.
You are not broken.
And you are not disqualified.

You are just… in the middle of learning. And maybe the first step forward is not doing more. But forgiving yourself for what you didn’t know before.

I’m still learning. I’m still rebuilding. But this time… I’m doing it with more compassion. Because that period of feeling stuck… actually pulled me into a very deep kind of inner struggle. I was overthinking everything. Carrying more weight than I needed to. But maybe… that’s also part of the process. And maybe that’s what growth really looks like. Not becoming perfect— but becoming kinder to yourself while you grow.

Thank you for being here with me. Let’s pray.

Dear Lord,

Thank You for walking with me through this season… even when I felt lost, confused, and overwhelmed. Thank You for not leaving me… even when I doubted myself, and questioned everything I was doing.

Lord, You see the moments when I failed. You see the mistakes I made. You see the weight I’ve been carrying inside. But You never turned away from me.

Today, I bring all of it to You— the pressure, the disappointment, the regret, and the self-blame I’ve been holding onto. Help me to release it. Teach me how to forgive myself… the way You forgive me. Remind me that I am not defined by my mistakes, and that my worth is not based on my results.

Give me the courage to start again. Not from a place of fear… but from a place of trust. Help me to grow, not just in success— but in wisdom, patience, and compassion. And even in the moments when I feel stuck… remind me that You are still working in me. That nothing is wasted. That every step is part of the journey.

Lord, I place my future in Your hands. Guide me, strengthen me, and walk with me as I rebuild.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.