I Don’t Know What to Do With My Life Right Now | EP33

Why is it so hard to choose… even when you have options?

In this episode, I share what it really feels like to be stuck between paths— and how I’m learning to move forward without a perfect answer.

You don’t have to choose perfectly. You just have to choose honestly.

Transcript

How I Met Jesus — Episode 33

I Don’t Know What to Do With My Life Right Now 

Hi, this is Elena.

Welcome back to How I Met Jesus.

It’s been about two weeks since I last updated this podcast. I’ve been feeling a little tired recently. There have been a lot of small things happening at the same time. And I noticed there are a lot of things I want to do by myself. This… and that… and something else. So I would start something… then switch to something else. And in the end…it feels like I didn’t really stay with anything long enough. And I think part of it is this— my energy has been scattered. Not because I don’t care. But because I don’t know what to fully commit to. And that brought me to a question I’ve been sitting with recently.

Have you ever gotten to a point in your life where you actually have options…but instead of feeling excited…you feel stuck? Like no matter what you choose… something doesn’t feel completely right.

Right now…that’s exactly where I am. I’ve been resting for almost half a year now. My income hasn’t been very stable. Some months, I make around one to two thousand dollars. Just enough to cover my rent and basic living. And honestly…my life is still okay. I’m not in a crisis. But I don’t feel settled either.

And recently, I started to feel something change. Like…maybe it’s time to really start working again. And as I look around, there are actually more opportunities now. Which sounds like a good thing.

But somehow…it makes things harder. Because now I have to choose.

One option is to go all in again. To rent a warehouse, to fully focus on TikTok live selling,  to build the business again. And I know I can do it. I’ve done it before. I have the experience. I have the resources. I have the ability.

But when I think about it…I can also feel something inside me. Fear.

And then there’s another option. To take things slower. Maybe find a lighter job— like working at Costco. Something simple. Something stable. Something that doesn’t require me to carry so much responsibility. And part of me feels like…that would be easier. But another part of me knows… that’s not fully what I want either.

And I realized…this is not just about choosing a job. It’s something deeper. Because one part of me says: “Go all in. You know you can do it.” And another part of me says: “I’m tired. I don’t want to live like that again.”

As I’ve been sitting with this…I started to ask a different question. Maybe the real question is not: “Which option is better?” Maybe the real question is:

What am I afraid of?

And that’s when I realized something. Everything I’ve been talking about in the past few episodes… it’s all showing up here. The fear. The hesitation. The lack of trust. It’s not theory anymore. It’s real. Right here. In this decision.

And when I look deeper…I can see it. I’m afraid of being tired again. Afraid of losing my balance. Afraid of going back to a life that feels overwhelming.

But at the same time…I’m also afraid of staying where I am. Afraid of not growing. Afraid of not using what I know I have.

And maybe…that’s why I feel stuck. Because both directions carry something I don’t want. And maybe I’m not confused. Maybe…I’m just afraid to choose.

And instead of forcing myself to find the perfect answer…I’m learning to do something different. To slow down. To not make this a “forever decision.”

But just ask: What is one small step I can take right now?

And I think…this is where faith comes in for me.

Because maybe I don’t need to have everything figured out. Maybe I don’t need
 to choose perfectly. Maybe I just need to trust that God is guiding me—even in this uncertainty. Even in this confusion. Even in this in-between space.

Let’s Pray.

Dear Lord,

Thank You for being with me even in seasons like this—when I feel tired, uncertain,  and pulled in different directions. You see the thoughts I carry… the decisions I’m trying to make… and the fears I don’t always know how to explain.

Lord, sometimes I want clarity. Sometimes I want a clear answer. A sign. A direction I can fully trust. Can You give me that?

I find myself here— in between. Not fully sure what to choose. Not fully ready to move. And not fully at peace. I know You are still here. So today, I bring this to You. My confusion. My hesitation. My desire to move forward… and my fear of making the wrong choice. I lay all of it before You.

Help me trust that I don’t have to figure everything out at once. Help me take one step… with You. Not because I am certain— but because I believe You are guiding me.

Give me wisdom to see clearly. Give me peace in the waiting. And give me courage to move forward— even if it’s just one small step. Remind me that my life is not held together by perfect decisions…but by Your presence.

And no matter what I choose, You are already there.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Well, I think this is what I need to tell myself right now— You don’t have to choose perfectly. You just have to choose honestly.

Yes, maybe I just need to be honest with myself. To notice what I’m feeling. To admit what I’m afraid of. And to stop pretending that I’m completely sure when I’m not.

Instead of trying to control every outcome…I can slow down. I can take one small step. And trust that I’m not walking alone. Because even here— in this in-between space…God is still with me. Guiding me and holding me. Even when I don’t know  exactly where I’m going.