I Don’t Need Clarity… I Need Control | EP35

What if you’re not “preparing”… just trying to control everything?

In this episode, I share how my need for clarity was actually a form of control—and why that’s been holding me back from taking action.

You don’t need full clarity. You just need to begin.

Transcript

How I Met Jesus — Episode 35

I Don’t Need Clarity… I Need Control   

Hi, this is Elena.

Welcome back to How I Met Jesus.

In the last episode, I talked about my overthinking. How I can spend so much time  thinking about doing something…that I end up not doing it at all. And when I looked deeper…I realized something surprising. It’s not just overthinking. It’s this strong need in me—Before I start almost anything… I want to know everything.

I want to understand the process. The outcome. What might go wrong. And how to avoid it. I want clarity. I want certainty. I want to feel like…I know what I’m doing. And only then…I feel ready to begin.

But recently, I started to see something differently. Because I noticed a pattern. The more I try to figure everything out…the less I actually move. I spend so much time preparing…thinking…planning…that sometimes…I don’t even start.

And that’s when I realized—Maybe this is not about preparation. Maybe this is about control.

Because if I know everything…then I won’t make mistakes.

If I understand every step…then I won’t feel lost.

If I can predict the outcome…then I won’t be disappointed.

And on the surface…that sounds responsible. It sounds smart. But underneath…it’s something else. It’s fear.

I’m not just trying to be prepared. I’m trying to protect myself.

Because somewhere along the way…I learned that uncertainty is dangerous. That not knowing means I might fail. That stepping into something without clarity…is risky. And when I think about it…How many moments in our past have taught us the same thing? That not knowing is dangerous. That uncertainty is something to avoid. 

So I try to remove the risk. By thinking more. By preparing more. By waiting longer.

But the truth is—Life doesn’t become certain just because I think about it more.

And I’m starting to see this clearly. There are things you can only understand…by doing them. Not by thinking about them. There are steps you can’t prepare for. Because they don’t exist yet.

Clarity doesn’t come before action. It comes through action. And that’s hard for me to accept. Because it means…I have to move without knowing everything. I have to start before I feel ready. I have to take a step without controlling the outcome.

And I think this is where my faith is being challenged. Because if I truly trust God… then I don’t need to control everything. I don’t need to know everything first. Because God is already there. In the steps I haven’t taken yet. In the outcomes I can’t predict. In the uncertainty I’m trying so hard to avoid.

Maybe faith is not about having clarity. Maybe it’s about moving forward without it.

So I’m learning something new. Not to stop thinking completely. But to stop waiting  for perfect clarity. To take one small step even when I don’t have all the answers. To trust…that I don’t have to see the whole path. Just the next step.

Once again, you don’t need to know everything before you begin. You just need to begin.

Let’s pray.

Dear Lord,

You see how much I want to understand. How much I want clarity. Control. Certainty. And how hard it is for me to move without them.

Lord, help me release the need to control everything. Help me trust that You are already present in the unknown. Give me the courage to take small steps forward— even when I don’t feel ready. Remind me that I don’t need to have all the answers. Because You are guiding me step by step.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.