How I Met Jesus
A spiritual diary. A healing journey. A love story between a human heart and a gentle God.
How I Met Jesus is a daily, intimate podcast where Elena —
a lady who grew up in China, now living in America,
once a Buddhist and now a new Christian —
shares the quiet, unexpected, transformative moments that led her closer to Jesus.
Not through religion, but through real life: heartbreak, fear, success, anxiety, faith, loneliness, miracles, and small everyday grace.
Each episode feels like opening a handwritten letter — soft, honest, vulnerable, and deeply human.
Here, you’ll find:
• stories of spiritual awakening across cultures and continents
• how God met her in fear, confusion, ambition, and longing
• emotional healing through prayer and scripture
• lessons learned in uncertainty, waiting, and surrender
• reflections on love, identity, insecurity, and courage
• prayers that speak gently into the soul
This is not a podcast about perfection.
It’s about learning to trust.
Learning to rest.
Learning to hear God in the quiet places.
Learning to let your heart be held — even when life feels messy.
If you’ve ever wondered where God is in your everyday emotions,
or if you’re healing, searching, rebuilding, or longing for peace,
this podcast is for you.
Come walk with me —
one story, one prayer, one gentle revelation at a time —
as I share the journey of how I met Jesus…
and how He keeps finding me, again and again. ✨
How I Met Jesus
The Fear Behind My Need for Control | EP36
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What if your need for control… is actually fear?
In this episode, I explore the deeper reason behind control— and why we hold onto it so tightly. Control tries to keep you safe. Trust is what sets you free.
Email: elenaswy@gmail.com
IG: @elenaswenyu
How I Met Jesus — Episode 36
The Fear Behind My Need for Control
Hi, this is Elena.
Welcome back to How I Met Jesus.
In the last episode, I talked about something I’ve been noticing—Before I start almost anything…I want to know everything. I want clarity. I want certainty. I want to feel prepared. And I realized…it’s not just about being responsible. It’s about control.
But control doesn’t come from nowhere. There’s always something behind it. And for me…it’s fear.
Not always obvious. Not always loud. But always there.
The fear of making the wrong decision.
The fear of failing.
The fear of things not going the way I expected.
And when I look closer…it’s not just about the outcome. It’s about how I feel when I lose control. I don’t just fear uncertainty. I fear what uncertainty might do to me, how uncertainty might make me feel.
Unprepared. Exposed. Vulnerable. Like I’m not in control. Like something might go wrong… and I won’t be able to handle it.
There’s always this belief inside me:
“If I don’t get it right… something will go wrong.”
“If I don’t plan ahead… I’ll regret it.”
“If I don’t stay in control… I might get hurt.”
And I think…this didn’t start now. It started much earlier. Somewhere in my past…I learned that making mistakes had consequences. That not knowing was uncomfortable. That being uncertain was not safe. So I adapted.
I learned to think ahead. To prepare more. To control what I could. Not because I wanted control. But because I needed safety.
And when I see it this way…something changes. Because now…I don’t feel like I need to fight myself. I don’t need to label myself as: “too controlling” “too much” “too rigid”.
Instead…I can see the part of me that’s trying to protect me.
And maybe…there’s nothing wrong with that part. It just learned to protect me the only way it knew how.
And this is where my faith becomes real again. Because if I truly believe that God is with me…Then maybe I don’t have to hold everything together on my own. Maybe I don’t have to control every outcome. Maybe I don’t have to know everything before I begin.
Because God is already there. In the uncertainty. In the unknown. In the parts I can’t predict.
Maybe I don’t need more control. Maybe I need more trust. Not all at once. Not perfectly. But step by step. Letting go… a little. Taking one step… without knowing everything. Trusting that I will be okay.
Control tries to keep me safe. But trust is what sets me free.
Let’s pray.
Dear Lord,
You see the parts of me that are trying so hard to hold everything together. The need to control. The need to understand. The need to feel safe. And the fear behind all of it.
Lord, help me see clearly what I’ve been holding onto. Not with judgment…but with compassion. Help me release the need to control everything. And learn to trust You instead. Even when I don’t feel ready. Even when I don’t feel certain.
Remind me that I don’t have to carry everything alone. Because You are already there—in the unknown, in the uncertainty, in every step I take.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Until next time, take a deep breath…and remember — you are already loved.