Most High-Value Dudes Get This Wrong | Former State Trooper Breaks It Down

In this raw segment, I get vulnerable, sharing personal stories from my time in law enforcement and working in homicide. This discussion touches on self improvement and how applying these lessons can lead to significant personal growth. It's about gaining life advice to navigate life's complexities with a stronger mindset. 💪

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Transcript

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It's been seven days since I've retired from the Massachusetts State Police as a trooper. The last eight years of those, I've been spending doing homicide investigation, major crimes, and I've pretty much seen it all. And what I'm going to share with you on this episode is the three things that I've learned that are going to be helpful for you to apply to any situation in your life because I've seen it on both sides of the professional side, I've seen other people's worst days. And then I've seen my own worst days. And some of the hardest moments I've experienced were not on the job, they were in my own life. The Tony Bova show, built by pain, designed for freedom. Let's dive into number one. No one cares. No one cares on what's going on in your life. And I learned this very specifically when I was going through my divorce, because it was that first moment in my life where I felt so ashamed of everything that was happening because of how I grew up in the church and all of the belief systems that I had at that time, that you don't get divorced, that you don't leave your wife, you don't say no to these things. I felt ashamed. I went into hiding for about two years because I didn't want to show my face. But then I started to realize that like, who cares what people said about me? I mean, I'm sure I was the running joke, but for maybe five minutes. And then I realized I was spending more time thinking about what other people were saying about me or what they were thinking about me than they were. And why would I ever allow them to have that much power in my life? And then so I started to realize that no one cares. Because if they only spent a few minutes talking about it or thinking about it, or because they're all reflecting back on what's going on in their own life, because everybody cares about what's going on for themselves. And if I care more about what's going on in other people's lives about my life, then nobody really actually cares because they only care about their own lives. And it frees you up to be able to step into taking actions that are going to change your life. Like living the life that you know you're capable of. Because you have more bandwidths, you have more energy, you have more capacity than you realize right now. And then the sooner you let go of no one actually cares, nobody's actually that invested in what's going on for me, is the sooner you can start to live out your dreams. It's the sooner you can start to let go of all of the fears that are coming up for you. And if you don't subscribe to this channel by now, please hit the subscribe button. I'm going to be dropping these on a weekly basis, giving you tons of value from my experience in law enforcement. And more importantly, my own personal development journey where I went through completely arduous things, things that I thought were bad luck, realizing later they were the greatest gifts that were ever given to me. Now, the second thing I'm going to share with you is that your worst fears will start to come true. And they're slowly happening over time if you're standing still. You see, if you don't make any changes to what's happening in your life, if you don't start to change your diet, you don't start to go to the gym, you don't start to read that book that's different than watching social media. If you don't stop the things that are being forced upon you, then you will continue to degrade yourself over and over and over again. The trajectory of your life is going to be planned out for you if you don't take control of it because you're subconscious. It runs 85% of all of your decision making. And if other people know that and they're using that in social media, they're using that in the news, they're using that in marketing, you're allowing them to dictate the course of your life, what you should or shouldn't do. What's what are your belief systems? Because they're instilling them inside your subconscious. You got to make a change in order for anything else to shift in your life. If you're in that relationship and you're saying, happy wife, happy life, and you're continuing to just give and give and give and give, not getting anything in return that you're you're hoping for. Like there's this little story that you're telling yourself. There's a voice inside your head that, well, if I do this, then she'll do this for me. But then you get so disappointed when it doesn't happen that way. Or I would hear this on the job all the time, that it's cheaper to keep her. Meaning they're willing to continue living the way that they're living for the rest of their lives because they're so worried about half their stuff being gone. Not realizing that if you gave up half your stuff, you might get 10x afterwards. Because you might have so much energy and freedom and bandwidth and capacity because you don't realize how draining being in that toxic relationship is. It's only going to get worse unless you do something about it. The third thing is that the hardest moments you wish never happened could be the greatest gifts for you. Because if you don't make a change, what's going to happen is these hard moments are going to come up. And that is your opportunity to make the change. Like it didn't just show up there unexpectedly and you, you know, like, oh, I just have bad luck. Continue to say you have bad luck over and over and over again. Maybe it's time to take an evaluation of like, well, why is that keep showing up? Like if you're going from relationship to relationship and it's the same thing over and over and over again, and you keep saying it's her, I I mean, you're the you're the one that's the predominant factor in that. If it's everybody else's fault and bad things keep showing up for you, it's time to look in the mirror. I know I did. And once I started looking in the mirror and started to realize all the things I was contributing to the things that were showing up in my life, then I started to realize, oh shit, I'm the one creating this. I'm self-sabotaging myself. I can't do this any longer. And then I set out on a mission to become the greatest version of myself, to figure out what are my unique gifts God has given to me. And how do I reflect that into the world in a way that it's going to have massive positive change, a massive impact, one where I get to have an incredible relationship, one where I get to live abundantly, where I'm not enslaved to my time-equaling money, one where I get to enjoy my kids growing up and I'm not constantly living in the fears and the frustrations and the weight I have to carry as a man. How do I live a freed life? How do I fully live out of freedom? It has been one of the most incredible journeys when you start to realize how control in control you are of your life. Now, if you enjoyed this episode, please hit that subscribe button. If you feel like you want to work with me in some capacity, there's links down below. We do from time to time take on new guys that we work with. And I I want to leave you with this. Greatness requires defiance. And if you're not willing to defy everything else that's showing up in your life, all the people that want to see you lose. And it may not be because they want to see you lose because they want bad things for you. It may be because they're afraid that it's going to be really difficult. And you have to defy that.