Keith Yackey On The Sex Coach Secret Every Married Dude Needs To Know

The conversation with Ex-Pastor turned Sex Coach Keith Yackey, delves into the journey of self-discovery and transformation, highlighting the awakening moment, the biology of attraction, the problem of self-leadership, religious deconstruction, and the search for intimacy. The key takeaways emphasize the importance of self-awareness and self-leadership in personal growth and relationship dynamics. The conversation covers topics related to sexual intimacy, beliefs around intelligent design, perspectives on life and existence, impact of childhood experiences on adult life, long-term attraction and marriage dynamics, inner child work and healing, healing from the inside out, the power of healing and attraction, awareness and emotional triggers, naming and understanding emotional triggers, the process of healing and self-discovery, clarity and confidence in relationships, gaining clarity and certainty in relationships, behavioral modification and authenticity, creating trust and lust in relationships, passing relationship tests and building trust, beingness and relationship transformation, the importance of positive influence and environment, enjoying relationships and playfulness, investing in personal growth and development, taking responsibility for relationship dynamics, choosing positive influences and environments, creating a culture of growth and development, prioritizing self-improvement and growth, the value of investing in personal growth and development, empowerment and responsibility in relationships, creating the marriage you want, and seeking solutions and transformation in relationships. The conversation emphasizes the importance of exemplifying positive relationship dynamics and the value of investing in personal growth and development.


Find Keith at https://www.marriedgame.com/ or on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/keithyackey/

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

All right. We got Keith Yaqi here on the show. Uh, this is gonna be our first guest appearance. And Keith, I'm so excited to have you on here. You know, I got to come on your show, got to share a bunch of things about my life, and I'm really excited to hear about you a little bit more and hear, you know, how you've transformed into this journey and became Keith, who's standing in front of us right now. So, you know, thanks so much for being here.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Yeah, bro, it's an honor, always an honor to be able to share the story. Probably like a lot of people's story, uh, anytime you have an insecurity or pain, you go to make it secure, or you go and try and uh heal it, or if you have a problem, you try and solve it. So, like a lot of guys, um, I was running into situations where I was like, damn it, you know, my marriage isn't what it won, what I want it to be. And then eventually she just basically said, Hey, I'm leaving. Uh, you talk about your business, you run your business, and you fall asleep on the couch. And that's not exactly what I signed up for. So it's been real, uh, it's been fun, but it's no longer real fun, and I'm out the door. And that was the big awakening for me is here I'm spending all this time and energy to build this business and to have security and move into our dream home, only to have her so disconnected that almost nine years ago, she's like, I don't even give a shit about all this stuff. I just wanted to be with you, but clearly neglecting me is, I guess, your move. And then she left only to realize that I fell the fuck asleep. And I needed to wake up. And her leaving was what woke me up. And now I sort of shared my story with other guys about how I got her back, and now how we have all this sex and love and connection and stuff in our relationship. It's not perfect. She still does dumb shit. I occasionally do dumb shit, and uh, we just recognize, hey man, sometimes as a human, you do some dumb shit. But it all started working for our buddies, and their their marriage that was either sexless or seemed like um obligatory sex started firing back online again. And like, dude, my wife's acting like she wants me again. I'm like, oh, doesn't that feel good? That feels so good. So it all turned into this over this last nine years, sharing with other people how exactly I got her back. But more importantly, for them, the mechanism and function and biology of attraction that can get your wife who was in one time in love with you and actually pursued you and was enthusiastic in the sack, you can get her back again if you understand what the process actually is. So fuck, bro. I figured out the map to the treasure that every guy wants to play with. And uh so I'm I'm excited and loud in my microphone about how to do it because I wish there was a me back when I was going through this. Let's pronounce the intro.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

I think you and I could I think we you and I connect over that because I wish there was a me back then to be able to help me see those things. And we there's a lot of uh we I think you know when I was on your show, we connected a lot about not, you know, obviously you and I are not similar people because we're very unique beings, right? But but some similarities of seeing a perspective on why this is different. And I I I I love, you know, I think one of the big differences for you and me is that like I kind of understood this before I started dating Sabrina. You had to figure out how to do this with her and to to get her, like, you know, you wanted her back, and how you had to prepare all that. And that's a very interesting perspective for you. Like, what is the what was the, you know, she left and you're like, you were asleep. Where was the moment that you were like, oh, I'm starting to understand what happened.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

So this would have been my second divorce. The you the smaller U-Haul is loaded with her and my almost two-year-old daughter, and they're leaving, and I still remember like the tires skiing out. We had a it was a pavered type, uh it was like a private street with a bunch of pavers. So it was like you could hear the small granular of the sand kind of kicking up on the rock. And I remember thinking at that moment, fuck, I'm the problem. This is the second time this has happened to me. They're saying the same thing. I'm the problem. And it didn't happen in that moment, but it felt like close to that moment, it was also when I started to realize, well, if I'm the problem, not I have a problem, I am the problem.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

That's a good distinction.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

And that means that I don't have a solution, I am the solution. So it that then led me to about a week to two later sitting in that same kitchen thinking, fuck, I'm gonna have to do this for me. Like this can't be for anybody else, it has to be for me. So those became the two guiding rules I lived by, and that is I'm the problem, I'm the solution, and I have to become the most attractive version of me for me, and actually do that. Because what I noticed is what when she left, all that validation went away. My wife's super attractive. I had been with a lot of women before her, so to actually settle down with a woman and go, hey, I'm gonna give you. I understood short-term attraction, which is what most guys experience at the beginning of a relationship, and so they go, Oh, they call it the honeymoon phase. Yep. And that in our culture, it just seems like that's just the best sex is at the beginning. I'm here to tell you, uh, we're celebrating our 15th anniversary in about six months. And uh, dude, the sex gets better. This Saturday night sex was better than Saturday night sex 13 years ago. And it keeps getting better because it's a soul-level sex. I know this woman so well. We understand we're both healed and healing and can share with each other. There's no there's no honesty gap between us. She's literally my best fucking friend. She knows everything. I would, I would share more with her than I would share with any of you guys because you guys don't actually, in my opinion, don't even understand as well as she does. That's how tuned in I am with this woman. That's why the sex gets better with age, because you just know this instrument way fucking better. And she too. Yeah. And she as well. I'm getting fired up because you're firing me up, Tony, but I want to give you a pause to say if there's something you wanted to say or interject or tag me.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

No, I I I love what you're saying, Keith. I I I'm I'm I'm gonna I I think the how I've been doing my guest shows is gonna like I'm gonna come from it this perspective of like, I'm a homicide investigator or retired now, and be able to ask these really you know poignant questions on like, you know, what was your experience? Because you know, I I really want to hear from you, you know, and and and you getting fired up about this. I really love this, uh, because you and I kind of see that the same, where it gets better. And how do we make it better? And you've you've been able to kind of hack that code. And that's something that a lot of guys like because there's this this thing for men is like the pursuit is the is the part that is the most exciting. It's actually not the sex, right? It's the pursuit of it and being able to overcome the challenges in that process. They might not really realize it through that, but when you can create the pursuit in getting to know her more, like I want to hear your perspective on how you've been able to do that and build because anybody could have great sex for like a couple months, six months, a year, but to have great sex years later, better sex, like that is that's such a rare experience. And I know it's possible, and you know it's possible, but everybody that's listening might not actually know that because they're whatever their perspective is. So, like how you know you're obviously you're sharing things with her that are risking things that are creating polarity. How do you how do you like simplify that? How does that look for you on like a day-to-day?

SPEAKER_00 8:25

So, two things. Um I have to make it sound a little more complicated because the simplicity of it, as you know, no man wants to actually admit. Right. B just the awareness that if I tell a man sex is supposed to get better the longer you're married, that in and of itself is an awareness that he's like, wait, no, I've never heard that. Actually, the culture says honeymoon phase is where it all goes down and everything is downhill from there. Like most guys go, 40 years old, you're over the hill. Dude, I just became a man in my 40s, is what it actually feels like. I actually became, I started seeing things that I never saw until my mid-40s. Actually, when I go, oh my God, I'm the smartest now that I've ever been. I wouldn't even want to talk, I wouldn't even want to talk to my 39-year-old son. In fact, he's got nothing to say. So it's this awareness that, wait a second, if something's good and you can make it better, what is the single ingredient? Well, first of all, it's an effort into becoming the standard, whatever it is that you're wanting to have. So for the big thing for me was what are my actual standards that are not based upon her reaction. So if I want porn star sex, but I'm not willing to set up a porn star set and create porn star quite uh uh environment safety that my woman can let loosen, then I would be a little crazy to expect something I haven't created a container for. The same as a guy who says, I really want to be in shape, but we're like, but you don't count your macros and you don't do resistance training. Like, so then you don't actually want it, it's just a dream out there. And I'll even tell you this: more than the conquering, as much as the conquering feels good, what I believe a man is actually chasing is the dopamine of being wanted. Feeling wanted. So if he he conquers her resistance to gain her love, which means he wants her affection, her adoration, her admiration, her attention. He wants to feel her deeply desire that she is stoked to be with him. If that's the truest case, because that's the that's the look that when men are jerking off to porn, they're watching the woman's face.

unknown 10:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

And they want to see that look in her eye, in their wife's eye. And the only way that that is created is that she looks up to respects and wants to be led by this man. Well, then that leads down to a man going, Well, will I lead myself, which means what are your fucking standards? So everything I teach of turn a guy's bedroom around is I just go, Well, let's look at your standards. And we have like five ways, very quick ways to look at them to help him understand that at best he's probably a C minus husband, and he's mad at his wife for not being an A plus wife when in reality she is totally mirroring back who he is. He just doesn't know it yet.

SPEAKER_03 11:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

That was the falling to sleep part. And I like the homicide director interview style. This is pretty good. I think this is good. I think I like that.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's it's uh I was I was thinking about like, you know, because one of the things that they taught us was let them talk. They'll talk themselves into, you know, you know, whether they're guilty or not, and you just let somebody talk. And I think us sharing our stories is the thing that will make the change. Like you're exp it, like we can we can share principles and frameworks all we want. Uh, I think that they're really important processes, systems, and all this, but it's the story that really allows us to humanize this so that you can actually understand that there's hope, that there's truth behind this, that we are experiencing what we're saying, we're we're talking about. And you know, one of the things that I appreciate about you is is that openness to talk about it, right? Like it's it's like you're, you know, one of the things that really stuck with me when we when I was on your show and and we talked was like there is no, and I I think we both see it the same way, there is no rejection because the only rejection means that I'm looking for something outside of myself, and how you re you respond to that is how I'm gonna take it and how it changes my experience. But if my experience is my own and it's an invitation, then there is no there's no exchange here that's happening. It's just we get to we either get to do this together or we're not. And that's okay. And that that was a that was a huge thing. So I I appreciate how you see it and the perspective, because I think you're dead on. I think like how like you how you're you're sharing these things. Because it is super simple. It's like way, it's way dumb. It's so dumb how simple it is. But it also is like really complex.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

What do you what are your let's let's let's let's show them how simple it really is. Here's the simplicity of it. You want to feel like your wife is attracted to you. When I talk about attraction, most people just think like biceps and abs. Well, that's cool. Yeah, yeah. Attraction means some they're leaning in. There's a magnetic pull towards you. And the mag magnetism, if anybody studies magnets or reads any book about magnets or any personal development book that mentions magnets, it talks about when they're not in alignment, it's demagnetized. There's no pull. But when everything's in alignment, all in one way, it becomes radically attractive. And so what's happening is if a man can understand he needs to be in radical alignment with who he actually is, then he would be, he would attract all the all the love and adoration and admiration from his woman he would possibly want. The problem is he's put up masks to be accepted so the real him isn't actually there, and he's not leading the real him, and he's trying. And he's our culture has literally taught men how to make their wife not attracted to him, and they think it's the right way to make her actually attracted. That's the real problem we're actually fighting facing. These aren't just these aren't dumb dudes. These are smart motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

No, you're you're dead on. Like the even just that phrase, like happy wife, happy life. Like the dumbest phrase ever. Like that doesn't actually reign any amount of truth biologically, instinctually, design-wise. But that actually's probably that one phrase has probably ruined so many marriages, just simply by like, well, I gotta keep her happy.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Keep her happy.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

That's an empty hole to keep her happy.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Keep her attracted would be the best. If it just keep her attracted. Well, what is now let's get into what the fuck attraction actually means. This is why it's so simple is if a man goes, I'm gonna be the most attractive version of me for me, he won the game. That's how simple it is.

SPEAKER_03 15:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

And then the third rule. Oh, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 15:44

No, go ahead. I want to hear you.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

The third rule, so like, I'm the problem, I'm the solution, which means hey, she wants to snuggle up. She wants to get railed, she wants to be deeply, deeply desired and have a deep desire for her man. She's just not doing it with you. And if she used to, the question should be, well, fucking why? So if it's I'm the problem, I'm the solution, I need to become the most attractive version of me for me, the third rule for us is her response does not dictate your standard. And this becomes the absolute problem, is because from my in my opinion, the carbon but the carbon monoxide of almost every marriage that's undetected and nobody's talking about is a man giving away his own ability to lead himself, not even her, lead himself. That's a big fucking problem. And it's really deep, deep, deep in our culture where a guy literally is like, when's dinner? He's asking his mom, when is dinner? What fucking leader is asking another human being, when can I eat? Like it's just, it's so disgusting how fucking weak and feminized men have become. Not because they want to. It wasn't like, hey, let's be c let's give away our power because it's the third or fourth best option, and we've already tried one and two, and those were too much fun. It feels like it's the only option. Listen to my wife. If she's mad at me, figure out how to make her happy, which makes her lady boner all the way down. And then when she does talk to you like a mom, which almost every woman tries to to because it's our culture. Yep. And then he tries to explain himself out of it like a little kid that just got caught. And she and then he goes, Why won't she look at me as a leader? Well, you haven't been self-led, and you do shit that makes her literally believe she's your mom. We call it the mom matrix.

unknown 17:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

If a guy is unaware of any of this, he's fucked.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

Well, it's funny because like with Sabrina, like when she does, she pulls out those mom tactics, right? She'll sometimes she'll do that. And I'll I'll look at her and be like, don't mom me right now. Like that's that that's the last thing you want to do for me, because you're gonna you're you're pulling me away from being attracted to you, and I don't want to fuck my mom. And like that, like if I'm if if they could start to see that that's actually like the thing that makes them not attracted to her, then that also will still help them drive into like, okay, I need to start to lead myself. Because you're absolutely right. Like that we like we talk a lot about leadership inside of the United States and inside of like business and entrepreneurship, and leadership is such an important factor. But everybody misses the self-leading part because the self-leading part makes you trustworthy to be able to lead others, like there's three stages of it.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

You know, and self-leading makes you feel like a man.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Yeah. No, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

If you're self-led, you still are gonna feel like a little boy to some degree.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

Yeah. And it's it is this this simple process. Like I I I I get I get excited about talking about this stuff because it is like the core of everything, what it is. But then it's the hardest thing that like they don't know how to shut the fridge or they don't know how to like go and drive. Like, I'll tell my guys like just drive to the gym. Like that's a rep. Because the hardest part is starting. So like you just gotta do these small little things, and it's not about the gym, and it's not about the fridge, it's not about the nutrition, but it's about the internal process of that discipline of doing something you don't want to do that you because you know it's good for you, and that you're gonna actually appreciate it afterwards. So so Keith, you've you have an interesting life. You know, you you said you were divorced, you were at one point a pastor, correct? So we connected over this where you know I grew up in the church and I I I grew up with all that guilt and shame and the black and white thinking. How did you be like, what was the story behind you becoming a pastor?

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Well, if you're raised in religion, it feels like it's the only thing that's that you can know to be true, and everything else kind of surrounds and and revolves around that, right? So, you know, it's uh especially the shame-based religions, fear-based religions. If you don't believe this, you're going to hell. If you don't act the right way, you don't, you know, these types of things. So as a kid, dude, you don't you don't know that you're literally being indoctrinated by somebody else's indoctrination, and that if you grew up and nobody told you any of that, you wouldn't believe any of it. Like, you know, if I told you, hey, Tony, I'm just here to revit, you know, tell you the gospel of Zeus. You're like, what do you mean? You're not gonna believe the story, man. This he impregnates this lady, and then the the the kid is like him, but it's not him. And and then there's this big contract in the sky that you offended God before you were ever born, and so that's why he had to come down, and then he kind of died. But don't worry, what? What he rose again. First person in history? First person. So wait, born of a God and raised again? Shit, dude, tell me more. Like, no, we we wouldn't, you would be like, Keith, those are Greek fairy tales. Like, well, no, this is the story that almost everybody believes in America. So, and when you're raised on it, you don't know any different. So, once you step out of it, you see it for very different things. But when you grow up in it, it sounds more true than anything you've ever heard. So that's why I got into it. I actually believed it to the core of my cores. And I said, Well, if this is it, if the only reason I'm alive is to serve God and to save people from hell, let's get to work.

unknown 21:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

That's always been my mentality.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Right. Well, and you know, you, you know, you obviously, and I'm sure like you've developed this over time too, but like you're very gifted with your words and like you have a magical personality. I'm sure that like added into when you were on the pulpit and people connecting to that. Like, where along the line, like, how long were you there, and where was that line where you're all of a sudden you're like, oh, I don't know if I believe this any longer.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

You know, beliefs are such an interesting thing. And um, you know, to believe something takes faith. To know something doesn't. So um I know that if you hit me upside the head with a baseball bat, I know that's gonna hurt. I know it, because it's I've had it happen to me before. You know what I mean? And it fucking hurt. So that's a difference of a knowing than the belief of I've heard that if you hit somebody across the baseball bat, so therefore leave baseball bats alone, don't ever swing them. So that's the difference. And I look at that and I was like, at one point, I was like, people are telling you a certain way of living is wrong. But then I started testing that and I realized that what everybody was afraid of, they were the actually the ones that were wrong. I've experienced more love and joy and peace outside of the religion I was raised in and became a pastor in than inside of it. And that was a big part of my journey was wait a second, why in this religion, I was like a born-again Christian, right? So, like just basically think Baptist, but a little more, like they sang a little more, had a little more guitar, and some people spoke in tongues, but it wasn't real regular. These were those were still kind of the weird ones, but still, um, but still, like, like, I don't know. So the bottom line is I realized inside of it, what everybody really wanted was to feel loved by their spouse, and almost nobody felt loved by their spouse. Or people weren't, people were like shamed for being physically attracted to somebody. You're supposed to marry somebody other than that. It wasn't about physical attractiveness, it's about how good of a servant are they of God. And then you wake up one day and go, I don't know about this whole serving God thing. And wow, I'm laying in bed next to somebody I'm not even attracted to. How the fuck did I get here? So those were some questions I started having. It's like, do I believe any of this? Wait a second, hold on. We believe all this because there was a book that we said was God's word. What the fuck does that mean? How am I supposed to believe any of this? So those are the questions that led me to a point now where I it that none of it even matters. I don't care what anybody believes, what it's it's here's the thing. Does it make you more loving? And I know loving is not just saying nice things to people, it's being there for people when they're down and out. It's being respectful of people when they're being retarded to you and they know they're being retarded, and you're still handling them with love. How about walking into a room and making the room more lit up than dreary? That sounds like a lot of love and light. Sounds like the dude everybody's trying to follow.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:52

So these are the experiences.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

So was there a moment and did that moment like cause a lot of chaos in your life where you're like, I'm not doing this anymore?

SPEAKER_00 25:04

It's there was many moments. There was many moments for that, but ultimately I think a man is truly experiencing what it means to be a man when he's wrestling with these types of thoughts every single day. So I think that I have them all the time. I think I'm growing out of the uh there's a term that's being used a lot nowadays called the deconstruction, like deconstructing yourself out of religion because the the the mind mapping and the mind control that happens on a kid growing up in a religion is so deep that it's almost impossible to remove. I've found it to be almost impossible. I'm 47 at this point, still working daily to try and remove any stench of conditioning that has led to more fear and shame as opposed to freedom and love. So, you know, I'm on a hippie existential journey to try and, you know, realize that there's no angry man in the sky that needed a blood sacrifice to somehow save me from a story that he fucked up. I don't believe that anymore. I actually believe that whoever created this universe has light in them, and clearly they have darkness in them because that's what we see in the real world is lightness and darkness. So for me, I want to be as light and bright and as loving and joy-filled and as capable of possible, so that if a man who had for some reason ill intent against me or my family, he would run into an absolute fucking buzzsaw trying to do that. So I think that's where the the the guidance lies. But man, it it's so crazy how how divisive a religion of love actually is. To me, that's the that was I think the biggest sticking point. You know, you know the biggest sticking point for me that started all of it was I had traveled the world and realized, hey, there's a whole big geography, a geographical area where they're all fucking Muslims.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:12

And then I went to another area, I'm like, holy shit, dude, they're all Buddhist. And then I went to another, I'm like, they're all fucking Hindus. Now what the and every one of them, I would ask them, do you even think about Christian religion or doctrine at all? They're like, never, it would never even cross my mind. Like, that's that's so then I started realizing geography actually had more to do with your religion than literally anything else that could possibly influence it. And that's when I want to say the gig was up for me when I realized, shit, if I grew up in China, I would have been a Buddhist and I would have thought the same way I think about my Christian beliefs right now. Those are all the things that guided me towards that. But ultimately, the reason I left the church is I wanted to have more sex. Not with more women. I wanted to actually experience true intimacy with the wife that I had. And it's felt like for most Christian women, they were felt it was a topic that they were ashamed to talk about. They felt like almost they had to service their husband, like, you know, like he couldn't service himself. So they just had to be there to service him. This wife submit to your husband, all this stuff that just made a woman not that into sex in the Christian church made me go, there's gotta be a better way. Because the I'm reading the scripture and it sounds like sex is something that happens a lot. It sounds like it's something that's really fucking fun. And it sounds like something that they're both into. How come that's not something I see anywhere in this religion? What the fuck?

SPEAKER_01 28:49

Yeah. Yeah, where's your Song of Solomons, right? Like that, that the detail of like what what they're talking about, or like uh, I think one that really hit for me in the Old Testament was like when they got married, they took a month to go have a honeymoon and then really get to know their wife and be able to fully indulge in her and like it was wine. And you know, that that perspective for me was like, I like didn't understand. I think you know, I I I very similar, like I wanted to have this fully deeply connected sexual intimacy that you know I had like waited for. Yeah. And and then all of a sudden it's like, well, no, no, this is actually bad. And I'm like, well, why how could this be bad, right? Like this is this, and it's it's funny when I talk to guys and I tell them, like, do you know your girl can like orgasm like multiple times, right? They're like, what are you talking about? Like, have no con concept over the fact of how sexual she was designed to be, and that her body can actually exhibit that energy out in a way that like fills you. It's not even about us orgasming, it's about us being filled. And when I start talking about this stuff, it's like the sheets go off because they're like, I've never heard of this before. And it's like you actually don't even know how possible this is. And you know, I uh I mean that's one of the hardest programs to break out of. Now you've been out of that and you're into like what love is for you. What is it like what are your beliefs around that now? Like, do you you believe in a creator? You believe in like how do you operate with that?

SPEAKER_00 30:38

I think there was intelligent design, clearly. We're just I you know, I mean, you can't shake up a box of watch bars and expect a fucking watch to pop out. Like that would be the that would be so dumb to think, in my opinion. So so we are way more complicated than a fucking watch. So something had to know, hey man, when the air goes in here, he's gotta be able to swallow, he's gotta be able to spit. He's gonna somehow this is all together so fucking perfectly. To me, there's gotta be intelligent design. Yeah. Anything beyond that, I fucking have no idea. And at this point, have no idea how I'm ever gonna have an idea. So I don't really worry about it much anymore.

SPEAKER_01 31:27

Yeah, do you kind of have this perspective like it really doesn't matter all that much?

SPEAKER_00 31:32

What the fuck am I gonna do about it? Right. Really? It's it's it's the I feel certain connections and really deep like downloads and intuitive stuff that comes to me that has helped enrich my life and and under better my understandings. I don't know where they come from. I don't know how I get them. I don't hear a voice. I just get ideas and they work almost all the time, but they don't always work in the time frame I think they're supposed to work. So at this point, I've just surrendered to the fact of I had no idea I was gonna be the dude that actually would unlock how sex works in a marriage for a lot of dudes. I didn't know I did. I didn't know I was gonna make a comic book showing that. I didn't realize I was gonna write a book. I didn't realize, I didn't realize up until four years ago fucking I would do any of this. So at this point, nothing shocks me, nothing surprises me, and it's all fucking rad. I'm just here for all of it.

SPEAKER_03 32:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:33

That's the energy, and the energy is well, if we do experience love, so whatever caused us to be here, that is the essence because that's what it's in us. So whatever we came from, now my actual belief is we're all a sliver of the infinite source experiencing itself amongst ourselves, and and uh, and I think it there's a piece of me that wants to know that if we as humans kill each other, there's something bigger going. You know, that was you doing that to me, right? Like, my bad. I I'm my bad. Hold on. I I I got mixed like that there's something bigger at play that this whole shit isn't really that serious. I'm hoping that's the case, but it's just a theory like any other dude, and maybe that's helps me shape my reality. I think a life should be a life lived to preferences. I left my first wife because I wasn't physically attracted to her, and I thought to myself, if this is the only person I'm gonna have sex with the rest of my life, I was not good with that. And I was willing to pay whatever the price it took to make sure that wasn't the case. And when now that I've taught 550 dudes, almost every men's leader, not every fucking men's movement leader, but a lot of them, and almost all of them do listen to me and go, the guy's fucking talking smart about this shit. From my own real life experiences, I don't read books on this and wonder. I do read books about inner child work and inner healing because I realize the man who's more healed is the actual man who's more attractive and whole because he realizes a lot of shit about himself that other people from the outside realize about him. I didn't realize that long-term attraction is a very different story, and that the reason why marriage is go stale hasn't it's not biomechanically made to go stale.

SPEAKER_03 34:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

We're not made to go stale, we're made to get better with time. And anybody who's taking care of themselves in their 40s actually believes their version of themselves in the 40s would smoke any previous version of themselves. So why wouldn't that also hold true in marriage if she's also experiencing the same thing? So if it's not the case, then you're the one fucking up the actual flow of how things are supposed to work. And that's what I came to realize. Shit, everything is backwards in attraction.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Everything now, you brought you brought something up interesting about the inner child stuff. And and like I think you and I both kind of had like I had a coach that helped me kind of work through some of those pieces for me. What was it about your experience when you were younger? Because this is this is a lot of the stuff that we do uh with with my guys, and we we go into these old stories. What was it about your story that you can see now actually shaped who you became when you were an adult before you had this big awakening?

SPEAKER_00 35:40

One truth could have unraveled all of the bullshit I'm about ready to say. And I believe it's this the the one thing I started from, I was I believed I was the only one who felt this way, and I was the only one who struggled with these things. Yeah. For example, my voice was high growing up, so sometimes when I would call places, they thought I was a girl. That doesn't make you feel like a man. Even though I was the quarterback on the football team, I had a bunch of friends who were tan and I was pale. So I thought, shit, I'm not as cool as the tan ones. These are these are these are these are things that kids think. These are things that as an adult, you would have stepped in the kid and been like, no, man, your fucking skin's cool as shit, dude. It's fucking, you got leopard spots, bro. That's freckles are badass fucking people. You know what I mean? From where we came from, Ireland, that was a cool fucking thing. So I could have spoken to that little brain so much differently than what I learned. Oh, your dad's yelling at you, grabbing you, throwing you against the wall, and hitting you. Hey, there's gonna come a time when you're gonna be big enough to where you'll never be afraid of any man ever fucking touching you. Hey, that girl that just rejected you, even though she was the cutest in the class and she was the only one you were attracted to, so you went up and went out, tried to get out, go out with her. Don't worry, dude, you're gonna get so many of the hottest chicks in the room that everyone's gonna fucking be like, I need to give this guy money to learn how to do this. If I would have known that back then, I wouldn't have felt all those ways. But because I know it now and those feelings still come up, I just speak to that little Keith in there and go, hey, hey, little five-year-old version of you, you're supposed to feel defenseless because every little five-year-old knows they are defenseless. But you're not five-year-old anymore. You got a 47-year-old white beard, vanilla fucking gorilla. And by the way, we fucked all the hottest bitches. Guys love you. You're gonna be successful, and none of it's actually gonna matter if you don't heal from the inside in and know that you're lovable just because of who the fuck you are. Because then it's never gonna be enough. You're not gonna make enough money to ever feel safe. You're not gonna get enough pussy to ever feel whole if you don't heal from the inside out. And I know because I experience this stuff and I go, huh, I've got more than almost everybody, but yet if I still feel empty, that means I haven't healed from the inside out. That's what I learned. Turns out it's real fucking attractive, makes your wife want to fuck you a lot.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

Yeah, I know it's it is crazy. And then on my end, like I'm leading Sabrina through that on her own journey too, where like now I'm helping her see those pieces for herself. And she's like, fuck. Like she's just like, I've done so much work, but why is this still here? And I'm like, honey, it doesn't stop. You just gotta get excited about the fact that it doesn't stop.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, well, I'm curious, Keith.

SPEAKER_01 38:42

Yeah, I'm I'm curious. You so you know, you're and I can hear the narrative that you've now replaced with the one that you had when you were younger. What does that look like now? Does that does that boy come up or is he kind of just settled now on safety, or do you still have these conversations in the moment like where you have to, you know, be able to remind him of like what's going on?

SPEAKER_00 39:07

I think the most powerful thing about healing is awareness. So I still have moments where I'm triggered that I pop up and go, oh, there's a there's a rather than I can't believe I'm triggered, which is what I used to do. See, most people, when they get triggered, they feel rejected, they feel abandoned, they feel like they're not good enough, they feel like uh they feel scared to step up for themselves, speak up for themselves, et cetera, et cetera. Well, that is when the feeling comes up, they want to shame themselves. I shouldn't be feeling this anymore. I'm a grown adult. Well, but did you feel it? Yeah. Well, apparently you're supposed to fucking feel it then. So I learned that from one of my coaches, and they just said basically, key quit judging yourself for what you're feeling, and can we start to get curious why you're feeling it? To me, that's the beginning of the journey to go, okay, I'm feeling rejected, but I'm not rejected. So my mind knows I'm not rejected, but my body still feels like I just got rejected. What the hell is going on? And so I literally created a whole process around that, on the thing that gives your body the pause that you don't have to obey the impulse of the little five-year-old and you trying to kick up. And then what words do you say to reveal what's actually happening so that way we can put a name on it? Because once you name it, it loses power.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

So if I told you an ant is coming to you, you would not be afraid. You would have named it and you would identify what it is. But if I said, dude, there is a six-legged creature coming your way that's jaws are bigger than its entire body, well, that sounds scary as fuck.

SPEAKER_03 40:48

Right.

SPEAKER_00 40:49

But if I have all the details, if it's an ant, you go, fuck, dude, I got that. So now when this stuff comes up, I just go, oh, I still you never you don't get mad that you see a stout ant in your pantry. You just go, smush it, throw it away. So it's the same thing now. When something pops up, you just go, oh, dude, little little Keith's still in there fucking having a heyday. All right, what's going on, little buddy? And and I have a process, it takes about a minute and it's deep, but there's so much psychology behind it. Even if I taught you the process, yes, it would kind of work, but unless you knew what was happening and what the reframe in your brain is actually doing, it there's the effectiveness is almost almost nil. So it wouldn't, even if some because that's here's the thing is people like Keith, what is the seven-word abercadabas spell I can say to not feel this? And like that when you know you're missing the point. It's like, how do I get to the gym and out of the gym as fast as possible? It's like you have to work the muscle, motherfucker.

SPEAKER_01 41:45

Now, this is this is great, Keith. So, you know, what what would you suggest that these guys do in order to actually be able to start to make these implementations, right? Like you can teach all you want, we could be talking about the process. What do these guys need to do in order to actually start to live out of that? Like what would you what would you say the the the uh their first move is?

SPEAKER_02 42:17

To me, everything starts with clarity.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

Once you see things clearly, you make very different decisions, and only from the point of clarity can you gain certainty and confidence, and yet it's certainty and confidence that are what cause your woman to be attracted to you. But without clarity, you're not gonna actually embody certainty and confidence, so therefore, carity is the causal thing that we need to find first and foremost. So when I work with a man, I make him watch my modules A to Z so that we give him a whole new set of eyes. Because right now he's just not seeing things. It's all around you. Once I teach a man, this is you know what happened? 570 fucking clients later. This is the same thing every guy says once they watch, uh, we have them go through the library so they understand. I'm like, you're not you're not seeing things correctly, but once you see it, you're not gonna see it. It'd be like this. If you know ninth grade math and you keep failing the second grade math question, that's not because you don't know math, it's because you're not seeing all of the fucking variables. Two plus blank equals blank. What what I'm missing something here. I'm I'm fucking guessing if I don't have all the variables. So it's just you're not seeing something clearly. So when they go through these modules, what happens is they go, Oh my god, everything you said I do is the exact reason why she's not even fucking into me. Holy shit. And oh, by the way, now that I see it, I had just had to see it so that I stopped doing it. It's not the I need to learn this big whole new fucking alphabet. It's you already know two plus two equals four, but if you don't know what the two plus blank is, you're not gonna know what the equal is. So it's all test, it's all try. And here's let me give you a perfect example. So here's a guy might hear this message and he's not getting the sex he wants, the quality or quantity, and she's not that enthusiastic in the sack. And she's basically saying, if you want it, sure, hit it, but make it quick. And she's basically, you know, hurry up. Your time is, you know, I gotta fucking get the kids, you know. He's being rushed and he can't eat his favorite meal in peace. Like, none of that's happening, right? So he's listening to this and he's like, all right, I need to be more of a leader, I need to be self-led, but he doesn't really know what that actually fucking means in terms of what does it really mean to do it in a way that's attractive. So a lot of times guys will try and take out the more trash, they'll try and do things, but what happens is they do it with this energy of I'm doing this to get something.

SPEAKER_03 44:56

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

They're doing it to get more sex, they're doing it to get more connection, they're not doing it because it's who they are, and that is the biggest fucking trap is it once they see stop doing this to get sex and start doing this because this is the motherfucker that you actually are. Because here's what happens they try in behavioral modification for two weeks. It doesn't change anything because the energy didn't change. In fact, the energy became more taker energy and transactional energy than give her energy. This is who I am energy. And so now she's like, oh fuck, it's even more disgusting and even more desperate because he starts to feel a little bit entitled because he's doing all this shit around the house now. Where's my motherfucking blowjob? And dude, not there. He doesn't he does he doesn't know how he goes he so he goes, well, what okay, so he'll try that. He'll just hear this and try that. No, no, that won't work. You've already tried it. You need to see things clearly, you need to understand what actually is happening and what actually causes attraction and what will make her go, oh shit. Because here's the second thing. Once you do this the right way, we know you're doing it the right way because then she's going to test you. Because people test what they want to trust. If she didn't test you, it means she doesn't give a shit about trusting you because she's indifferent and doesn't care about you anymore. But if she does test you, it's meaning she's saying without her knowing it, please fucking pass the test. I want to be able to lean on you. So people test what they want to trust. And once you pass the test, test being that this is who you are, not to get anything, but because this is who you are, it's your standard, then you gain her trust. And when the trust goes up, the lust goes up. And when the lust goes up, that's when you start to feel desired. So there's an actual formula to this, dude.

SPEAKER_01 47:02

Yeah, and there's less tests too. Like she won't test you as frequently or as often because you pass the tests, and then she remembers, oh shit, if the moment he's he's direct about this, like, are you sure you want to do that? She's like, Oh, actually, no, never mind, I don't want to do that. And the test is like it becomes like non-consequential.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

Um, this is the process of a guy becoming this guy. It's not just a three words or a three second. It's a, hey man, you want to become a great lover and experience the love life of your dreams. Well, then just imagine it's like you're signing up for jujitsu. You're gonna have to come learn the moves, you're gonna have to become the guy so that way in any situation you know how to defend yourself. It's it's like it's like guys want to spend the minimal amount of time and effort, yet they want the maximum result. And yet the maximum result is the greatest fucking feeling on planet earth. A woman looking into your eyes saying, I am so fucking crazy for you. I'm wet like a motherfucker. Get in here and do whatever the fuck you want with me. That payoff is so huge, and yet a guy wants to feel like he's only gonna get that by scratching a lottery ticket? Like, wake the fuck up, dude.

SPEAKER_01 48:21

Yeah, I know that is a really unfortunate piece. Would would you say that getting in the right room around other guys that actually understand this would be actually probably the easiest step forward?

SPEAKER_00 48:33

Yeah, it's an embodiment thing. And we make every guy who comes to our program come to our live event because they have to, you have to experience what a man actually feels like who lives this way.

SPEAKER_02 48:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:45

And then they get to experience my wife in the same room, and then they go, Oh my God, that's actually what that marriage feels like. Oh shit. Okay, that's different than I thought. I was not expecting that. That happens all the time.

SPEAKER_03 48:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

Because we touch into each other and we laugh like best friends.

unknown 49:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:07

Actually, just Sabrina and I just posted a reel. We were at uh it might have been around the time that I was on the podcast with you, where I'm one of the peers and we're just chatting or whatever, and she's asking me for something, and I don't really remember what it was about. But I'm like, no, or something like that. And then she's like kind of whining, like this little play whine, and at the end she calls me a little bitch at the end, and it's just so funny. Like that doesn't bother me one bit. I'm like, I love it. I just start laughing. You can see it in that reel, like like it, like I think that's hilarious because it doesn't like I don't give a shit because that's that's not what how she sees me. It's like we get to like play off of each other, and it's like this it's this enjoyment of being able to not be so attached to all the sensitivities of it, but what like let's be in the playground. Like let's actually be able to to enjoy each other and then laugh about this stuff instead of fighting and crying and frustrated, and like that's the that's the thing that drives the disconnection piece and like being around others that know this. Like I think that was a big piece for me was my two coaches uh where I learned a lot of this from had that type of relationship. And so I saw an example, and because I saw an example, I was like, okay, I know I knew it in my heart that this existed, I just never seen it yet. And then I saw that with them, and I was like, okay, and now I know it's possible. And then knowing the possibility of it is like, okay, well, if it's possible for him, then it's got to be possible for me. And if a dumb, a dumb guy like me can make it happen for myself. There's a lot of smart guys out there that can figure this out, and it's it's uh man, I don't think like I I think the the quality of our relationships really defines the quality of our life. I don't care how much money you have, how much status, or how fit you are, or whatever it is that you have externally, man, if you don't get to experience your relationships like you and I do get get to, Keith, like you're you're missing out on so much. Like, and I think that's what a guy feels.

SPEAKER_00 51:07

That's what drives him to a podcast like this. Yeah. He's feeling that and going, Am I the only one?

SPEAKER_03 51:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:14

Am I the only one that feels like my wife literally just takes advantage of me? And she stays at home and complains how busy she is. And when I come home, it's not, wow, dad's home or my husband's home. Uh God, I'm so great, so grateful for him to go do all this shit. It's you forgot this, you're late here, you're this. And so a guy just comes in and he feels like he's just given his everything and he's coming home to an ungrateful, uh, ununhappy, unsex, sexy relationship, and he's going, what the fuck? Is this really and and he sees it everywhere because everybody every guy is complaining to their buddies that this is what their relationship looks like. And it's like, what the fuck is going on around here?

unknown 52:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:02

No, no, no. Hey, bro, that's not doesn't have to be your situation.

SPEAKER_01 52:06

And here's a little plug-in here, Keith, is like if if you guys are like around other guys talking about this, like about their wives and stuff like that, get the fuck away from them. Because that is a cancer. It is a cancer to be sitting there complaining about this, uh, how terrible my relationship is and get around guys that actually have good relationships, actually want are enjoying their wives, actually want to have good relationships because that type of negative energy is that it's a it's so destructive. And I and and honestly, you won't be able to draw in the guys that need to you need to be around if you start talking like that. Because I know I hear guys start talking about like that, and I'm like, how do I get out of here faster? Because I don't want to be around that. I don't want to be around some guy that doesn't like appreciate his relationship because he's got so much, he's got so much more control I know about than he even realizes. And that that will drive other people away. And that's that that uh that attractive thing that we're that energy of attraction we were talking about, like being able to draw in, you also have to have the ability to like edit, cut people out because they're gonna influence you uh just simply by being around them, you know?

SPEAKER_00 53:16

Yeah, but it's it's so important that people pay money. We all pay money to be in rooms with guys that only think uh uh this type of way, because a man sitting around complaining is a victim. A man sitting around trying to solve a solution or solve a problem with the come up with a solution, that's a creator. So it's like you're either a creator or a complainer, and that's why these rooms exist. It's why guys like you and I create containers for men to come in that have a certain philosophy of, hey, my shit stinks, my my my game is shit, and I gotta fucking fix it because it's causing hell in my life, and I'm not willing to keep doing that. So pay whatever you pay whatever you have to fucking pay. Some people go you pay for your friends, yes. If you want to be able to pick them, you pay for them.

SPEAKER_01 54:09

Yeah, because it's a filter, because they understand that you know, if you're willing to pay for this, you're willing to invest in it, then it's a priority because our priorities are always what we invest in. And you you like I I mean, I I have no problem doing that. You know what I mean? Like, I've invested tons of money when I didn't have the money and to be able to be in those rooms because that's the most like I want to how else am I gonna get in those rooms? Like, how else am I gonna learn? Like, the other guys don't want to be in the free room. Because the free room is not the same same energy. It's not the same, it's not the it's it's it's not the thing that that's actually going to get them the results and the solutions they're looking for because part of it is like inherently the subconscious pieces that you're taking from everybody else. You're like, oh shit, this guy, that's what he's doing. Like, oh, okay, I think I could do that actually. That's not that difficult. And then you start to implement these things subconsciously because you're starting to believe like it's possible. And like you, you gotta, like, you you gotta I it nothing drives me crazier than when somebody's on Instagram and they're messaging and we're, you know, I'm investing my time in that, and they're like, well, why isn't it free? And I'm like, you want this to be free? Do you know like this? Is probably the most valuable thing I will ever give you. It's more valuable than your car, your house, uh, than anything you've ever purchased, and you're it's more valuable than your business, and you want it for free. You gotta be kidding me. I paid hand over fist, I paid$100,000 in divorce debt, I paid in mentors, and this and you want it for free. You can't even get it for free because if I gave it to you for free, you wouldn't even implement it. You have to. And like it's it's like this thing where like we're so afraid to invest in ourselves, and it's like, no man, that's like the greatest thing. Like it actually means you prioritize yourself and you you gotta put yourself in the right rooms. And you know, it uh it allows I mean, I I I haven't I haven't been out of law enforcement very long. I haven't been doing this that long, but I've skyrocketed in who I've gotten to connect with because of my willingness to risk on investing myself. Like that's that's the only way to do it. Like if you want to go fast, like you you gotta maybe you can figure it out on your own. I don't know that many people that have. I've not, I don't I haven't met that many people that have actually I don't know if I've met one that hasn't done it. And like that's that's part of the entry fee. Like you gotta pay the entry fee, and that's that's a good entry fee. You're gonna like be like, that was the best investment I ever made in my life. It's like self-accountability too. Um Keith. So you know, as we're we're kind of coming up to an hour, what you know what would you like to leave my audience with in terms of like what are what are you what is your core thing that they can just take from this episode and be like, oh, okay, like if I wanted to know one thing about Keith, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 57:12

I'd want them to want to know one thing that they can create and build the actual marriage they want to. And it's only up to them. 95% of all marriage problems are because of the husband. And if you are the five percent that it's it's you aren't the problem, then you're a hundred percent the problem if you stay in it, because now you have a choice of whether you can leave or not. So the real situation is how bad do you want an epic marriage? But more importantly, most guys they want an epic sex life. And they've been sold that it's not you can't be done, there's nothing to do about it. We can't talk about it, we don't we don't talk about it, and uh the answer is that's there's a whole solution that you can become to create what it is that you actually want, and really, man, it is so worth it. All the hell I went through to discover this and figure this out. I the the number one thing that everybody that goes through our program and really understands and lives this life is like I could never I can never go back to being that dumb.

SPEAKER_02 58:31

I I know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:33

I know. Yeah. I I feel exactly the same way, Keith. I feel exactly the same way. So uh how can these guys find you? Like where, you know, what you know, if say they wanted to work with you, like what like how what's that process? Like if uh guy found you on this episode and was like, you know what, I really connect with Keith, like where are they gonna find you?

SPEAKER_00 58:53

Uh marriedgame.com, marriedgame.com, and I have a short video there talking more kind of about the stuff we have, or they can take a test there to find out what their score actually is, to see how attractive they actually are to their wife. And um they can read my book at marriedgamebook.com, or they can just go to Instagram and follow me at Keith Yacke on Instagram, and there's all ways to get a hold of us. You know, everybody, every guy, there's a guy here that's in such deep pain, he's like, How the fuck do I get on the phone with you, ASAP? And then there's the other guy that's like, yeah, that's interesting. You know, I I've noticed some of the things he's mentioning. I could probably work on that, and he'll probably just prefer the book and and he just needs a couple tweaks. So it's however the guys like it, and then they have if they want to to listen to my wife and I talk about this, because a lot of guys really enjoy listening to the woman talk about this, and it's not just a couple dudes saying how cool we are, but actually the wives going, Yeah, these motherfuckers are great. Um, we have our Married Game podcast, which you know, it there's hours and hours and hours of us two talking there, talking about all sorts of really funny and fun shit about how we how we actually live our life in a way that makes us both feel really fulfilled and loved.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:08

That's awesome. And uh I know we had talked about this before at one point, but it would be actually pretty cool if if we we got on there with me, me and Sabrina, and we actually had two couples on there talking about this shit. Oh, yeah. Exemplify it'd be really cool to have Sabrina on there with you and Jesse. So um Keith, I uh you know, I'm I'm very honored to have you on here. You know, whoever's listening, you know, if you connect with with with uh Keith's stuff, please go follow him, work with him. Uh the stuff that him and I are talking about, like it's gonna change the game. It's it's a complete game changer. It is going to exemplify your life in ways that you can't even imagine. And him and I are not talking bullshit right now. Like, we're not just like here talking bullshit about this. Like both he and I have lived through it, and we've gotten on the other side of it. And it's so important for you to know that because then now you know it's possible. So I hope that this was valuable to everybody that's listening. And thank you again, Keith, for uh for coming on here. I really appreciate your time and I honor it. And uh thank you, brother. Joy is a joy, right? Yeah.