Unbottled

You Don’t Need Forever To Start

• Marcy Backhus

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The turning point isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s the quiet morning you wake up done with broken promises, tired of negotiating with yourself, and ready to see what life looks like without alcohol calling the shots. We open up about the subtle signs that drinking takes too much space—mental loops, “I’ll stop tomorrow” bargains, and that feeling of relief when you imagine not having to manage it anymore.

From there, we break down the biggest blockers: comparison that keeps you stuck because you’re “not as bad as so-and-so,” fear of labels that feels heavier than your truth, and the myth that you must choose forever on day one. Instead, we offer a practical, compassionate approach: try a short break, focus on today, and track what actually changes—sleep, mood, energy, and clarity. We talk openly about mixed emotions too, how relief and grief can sit side by side, and why that’s a normal part of releasing something that once felt like a friend.

We also share why support beats white-knuckling. You’ll hear what AA really is (and isn’t), how to sample meetings without pressure, and why three visits to the same group can make a difference before you decide. If AA isn’t your path, we point to other supportive options—online communities, therapy, and peer groups—because the common thread in lasting sobriety is real human connection. By the end, you’ll leave with small, doable steps, language that reduces shame, and a simple plan to move from curiosity to action at your own pace.

If something in you paused while reading this, let that pause matter. Hit follow, share this with someone who needs a gentle nudge, and leave a review to help others find the show. What’s the one small step you’ll try today?

SPEAKER_00:

Hello and welcome to Unbottled. My name is Marcy Backett and I am your host. Before we get started in today's episode, I want to pause for just a minute and talk to anyone listening who might be wondering about their drinking. If alcohol has started to take up a little bit more space in your life than you'd like, if you found yourself thinking, I should probably cut back, or is this normal? Or if you've ever Googled something like, Do I drink too much at two in the morning? Here's the first thing I want you to know. You are not alone, you are not broken. You don't have to decide anything today, you don't have to label yourself, and you don't have to quit forever. And you definitely don't have to hit some dramatic rock bottom. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is simply get curious about how alcohol is actually making you feel, and whether life might be easier, calmer, or clearer without it. And about why you're even asking the question in the first place. If you're wondering what to do next, here are a few simple options. Try a short break and notice how you feel. Talk to someone you trust, listen to stories from people who've walked this path before you, or quietly explore a meeting online or in person. Just to listen. No pressure to speak. Wanting a different relationship with alcohol doesn't mean you failed. It usually means you're paying attention. All right, thank you for letting me take this moment. Wherever you are on your journey, I'm really glad you're here. Now let's get to today's episode. Well, hello everyone. Again, my name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host. I am glad you're here. I am ah, I just working so hard at this podcast to make sure that it is what you need. And with that comes a lot of responsibility, I tell you. So if you have any if you have any suggestions, please, Marcy Backus Media at gmail.com. Please, you can send anything you want there. If you want to be a host, a co-host, excuse me, if you have something to share, I'd love to hear it. I really would. I have for those of you that don't know and maybe didn't listen to the first few episodes. I am 37 years sober in a couple days, 38. So depending on when you listen to this, my sobriety date is January 11th, 1988. And my name is Marcy, and I am an alcoholic. Today's episode, we're going to be talking about the decision. When do you know it's time? Wow, that's that's something that we really I'm excited to talk about today. We are going to have a continuing series on the beginning of sobriety. I am going on a six-week road trip. I will be on the road and I will be doing my podcast. And so continue to listen. We have a lot to talk about. Well, I do want to welcome you to Unbottled. This is Unbottled, my podcast on all things sobriety. I've been a podcaster for five years. I have two other podcasts, aging eight for sissies, because I am 65 years old. You don't get 38 years of sobriety and stay young. I also have another one inside Marcy's mind where I talk about stuff that's in my mind. You can find it where you found this podcast and all my podcasts. Marcy Backis Media is my YouTube channel. And again, I want to welcome you. If you're listening today, I'm really glad you're here. And I want to say this right up front. You don't have to know exactly why you're here. You don't have to have the answers, and you don't have to be sure of anything. Sometimes the most honest thing you can do is say something just isn't working anymore. And I've talked about this in my other episodes, and I will remind you at least once every episode that this doesn't necessarily have to be about drinking. It can be about scrolling. If you are doing something too much and it's interfering with your life and you want to stop it, this is the way to do it. This is the way to do it. This podcast is about sobriety, what it looks like, how people get started, and how they move forward. It's not about perfection, it's not about labels, and it's definitely not about doing this alone. If all you do it with is this podcast, amen to you. If you need other things, if you need rehab, if you need AA, if you need other programs, please find what works for you. That's all I ask. I don't want the alcoholic out there still suffering. Today we're starting at the very beginning. Not with rock bottoms, not with horror stories, but with the decision. It could be that very quiet moment when you start to wonder if it's time. It could be a dramatic moment, and if it is, listen. But it could be very quiet. The quiet knowing. Most people think the decision to stop drinking is loud and dramatic. It is not always. It can be, and if it is, I am so sorry. There's not usually a crash, a crisis, or a big moment where everything falls apart. Yes, there are those. And for those, it's easier to see. Today I'm kind of speaking to the person that's not really sure that thinks alcohol is still working. I will tell you, just because you have a job doesn't mean you're not an alcoholic. I had one. But for many of us, it's a much quieter moment. It's waking up tired of negotiating with yourself. Think about that. Do you ever have a negotiation in the morning with yourself about drinking? It's thinking about drinking when you said you wouldn't. It's realizing that alcohol takes up more mental space than you're comfortable with. Right? Like, oh, I can remember negotiations first thing waking up. First of all, with a hangover, usually. Usually with a half a glass of wine next to my bed. Sometimes I just down that to start my day. Oh, joy. And I've already broken my promise to myself before I got out of bed. That's sad. But it's quiet. It's not loud. I lived alone. I was by myself. I wasn't in a relationship when I got sober. I hurt others, but in a more, I think, quiet way. It wasn't I did hurt others, but there wasn't big drama. Sometimes it's not how much you drink, it's how much energy it takes to manage it. If you're managing your drinking, if you're negotiating with yourself, others, if you're saying today I'm gonna drive by the liquor store on my way home and not stop, you got some things to think about. You might want to ask a few opening questions, like, why do I think about this so much? Hmm. Why does this feel harder than it should? And why do I keep promising myself I'll change and then don't do it? Those are some really big questions if you're a practicing alcoholic. If you're not, those may seem like nothing, but they're something. That's often where the decision begins. Not with certainty, but with curiosity, with discomfort, and with honesty. And here's something important. You don't have to hit bottom to choose sobriety. You're allowed to stop because you want to feel different and you want to see life different, and you want. It is a beautiful sunrise this morning, I just have to say. You want to see a sunrise right there. There's a lot of reasons to stop. So don't think because your reason isn't my reason, or your reason isn't like somebody else's reason. It's you don't need to stop. Everybody's reason is different. So what keeps us stuck? What keeps us stuck? If you're here, you may already know something needs to change. But knowing that doesn't make it easy to act. A lot of people get stuck in the space between knowing and doing. But my life is good. Don't get it twisted. Here are a few reasons why. Why are we stuck? Let's talk about that. First, comparison. We tell ourselves, I'm not as bad as so-and-so. Excuse me. And that keeps us frozen. But pain isn't a competition. If it hurts, it matters. Second, fear of labels. People worry about what it means to say I'm sober or I'm an alcoholic. Well, first of all, if you're an AA, everybody in that room is saying they're an alcoholic, so don't be scared. And in the real world, when you're out and about, you don't have to tell anybody anything. It's none of their business. It's up to you. So let me be clear. You don't have to put a label on it. You're not ready for. If you're not ready for that label, don't put it on there. If you're sober curious, God bless you. Let's be curious together. You don't have to declare anything to the world. You don't even have to declare it to yourself in the beginning. At some point you need to. But in the beginning, if you're just testing it out, test it out. There's that fear of forever. This one is huge. Thinking I can't ever drink again can feel unbearable. You only don't have to drink today. And if that's too much, you only have to not drink for the next minute. You take it in chunks that are doable for you. If you can rack up a day and and that's all you get, you got a day. Turn around and try again. There is no amount of times that you can try. I hope you don't have to try over and over again. I didn't, and I'm grateful for that. But if you do have to try over and over again, it's okay. Just keep trying. Don't give up. But forever, don't put that label on it. Do you think I went into AA thinking, oh, I'm going to be sober for 38 years doing a podcast about sobriety? No, I didn't. I was just like you, scared to death. The thought of going day to day without a drink. How was I going to drive home from work without stopping at a bar? What the hell was I going to do? Well, I figured it out. I went to AA meetings, 90 meetings in 90 days. So don't let the fear forever scare you. Here's the truth: you don't just have to decide forever today. You just have to decide what works for now. Sobriety begins with a choice, not a lifetime contract. But lifetime is pretty good, I'm going to tell you. So you making the decision. The decision to stop drinking isn't about punishment, it's about care. Let me say that again. It's not about punishment, it's about care. It's about noticing that something no longer serves you. It's about choosing clarity over chaos. Peace over managing, truth over denial. For some people, the decision comes with relief. For me, it was relief. I walked in that room, my shoulders started to go down. I started to realize there were other people like me, and there was an answer. For some, it comes with grief. Often it's both relief and grief. You may miss the idea of drinking, even if the reality wasn't great anymore. That's normal. You're allowed to hold mixed feelings. And feelings, I'm going to tell you this and I'll probably repeat it forever. Feelings are not right or wrong. Feelings are your feelings, and they're yours and yours alone. The decision doesn't mean you're weak. Oh, this one I can't even stand. You're weak. It means you're paying attention. And I hate that with all of the new weight loss drugs, and I have taken it and I have lost 50 pounds in my life with it. People say you're weak. No, we're not. Sometimes you need something to help you. And if these drugs help people lose weight, they help me. They're not addictive. I'm not addicted to it. I did it under doctor's supervision. Yeah, good for me. So keep that weak thing out of your mouth. And making the decision doesn't mean you have to know how sobriety works yet. It just means you're willing to explore something different. You don't have to be alone. One of the biggest myths about sobriety is it's a solo project, white knuckling it, willpower, just try harder. Guess what, people? You have an illness. Would you tell somebody that has cancer? I had cancer this year. Nobody told me, Marcy, just get through it. No. Alcoholism is a disease, it's a medical disease. Don't let anybody tell you differently. White knockling, willpower, and just trying harder aren't gonna work. Go ahead, try it. It's not fun, it's not long-lasting. You need support. You need support via a podcast, you need support via social media, you need support in a program, whatever that program is. Most people who stay sober long term don't do it alone. One of the most widely available forms of support is Alcoholics Anonymous or AA for short. AA is simply a community of people who share the goal staying sober together. AA was started by Dr. Bob and Bill W, and they found that one alcoholic talking to another alcoholic kept them sober. Yes, there's a whole lot more to it, but the bottom basics that started the program was one alcoholic talking to another. It's not religious, it's not judgmental, it's not about being told what to do. It's about listening to people who understand something you may be experiencing and realizing that you're not alone. You're not alone. You don't have to speak at meanings, you don't have to agree with everything, you don't have to commit to anything. You're allowed to just listen. Alcoholics Anonymous costs you nothing. Do they pass a basket? Yes. Do you have to put anything in it? No. You'll know when it's right to add something to that basket. Alcoholism, Alcoholics Anonymous is a self-supporting organization. Takes money from no one, nothing, no corporation, no nothing. We are self-supporting through our own contributions. You're allowed to just listen. And if AA isn't for you, that's okay too. But I'm gonna tell you a secret to AA. If you go to a meeting and you don't like it, go three times. Different people there all the time. Different. If you still don't like it after three times, try another meeting. But I always say give a meeting three times. I was told that in the beginning, and it was very true. There are many paths to sobriety, but support, real human support matters. What comes next? If you're wondering what to do next, here are a few gentle steps. Stay curious. Try a day without drinking and see how you feel. Talk to someone you trust. That person has got to be a trusted person. Do not pick your friend that's going to tell you what you want to hear, usually because they're also an alcoholic. Do I drink too much? No, you don't. Or I don't drink as much as Sally. And she's not an alcoholic. Everybody's journey is personal. Try a meeting, online or in person. Take it a day at a time. It's not a lifetime achievement award in the beginning. You don't have to overhaul your life today. You don't have to announce anything. You don't have to be brave all the time. You just have to keep going. Don't be stuck. All right. So that is what the beginning can look like. And if you hear yourself in there, if you hear anything that gives you hope, please act on it. Please try. If you're listening to this and feel uncertain, overwhelmed, or quietly hopeful, I hope you know what to do. You are not late, you are not broken, and you are not alone. This podcast solely exists to walk alongside you and explore sobriety as at your pace and in your way. In the next episode, we'll talk about what AA actually is and what it isn't. So you can decide for yourself without fear or pressure. For now, thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. And thank you for be willing to ask the question. And before we wrap up, I want to leave you with this. If something you heard today made you pause that, pause, that matters. You don't have to have answers to questions. You don't have to fix anything. You're allowed to take this one small step at a time. If you're curious, keep listening, keep learning, reach out when you're ready. You can reach out to me. I can send you links. I can send you information. Again, Marcybacchusmedia at gmail.com. Marcybacchusmedia.com is my website. I'm going to start putting up links there to AA, to materials that will help you. They may not be there today when you're listening, but they will be there. Check back. Change doesn't start with certainty. It starts with honesty. Let me say that again. Change doesn't start with certainty. It starts with honesty. Thank you for spending your time with me wherever you are in your journey. You are welcome here. For now, thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. And thank you again for being willing to ask the question. My name is Marcy Backis. I am an alcoholic. This is Unbottled.